Zulu: Last Ditch
In order to pull off a convincing nuclear attack, they decided it would be best to have Knight launch right in front of Zen Zeal. While Dan and his army defended their Magic Gear against the zebras, Gust's other two carriers would fly to the Zebra Kingdom to further sell the ruse. With any luck, Zeal would turn his army around before he even came close to Easy Junction and then Dan and the others would hop aboard the All of My Rage to meet up with the All of My What and the All of My Yes. With Zeal's strength sapped, they would then defeat him easily. They hoped.
"I like this plan," Dan said, riding Knight as she descended from the All of My Rage flying towards Appleloosa. "I'm glad I came up with it."
"You didn't..." Twilight started to say. But the others looked at her, reminding it was best not to threaten Dan's ego. Not when they were once again facing certain destruction yet again.
The ship was coming up on Appleloosa. As the western-style buildings became visible, Twilight and friends were happy to see them still standing. She felt some amount of relief that even though Applejack wasn't here beside her, her extended family was doing okay.
"Alright, everypony, remember why we're here!" Rainbow Dash yelled as the pegasus/griffon squads deployed. "House to house, get everypony out that you can! Let's get a move on before those zebras get here!"
"Where are you going, Rainbow?" Phoenix asked.
"I have to go warn the buffalo. Their herds travel the plains outside Appleloosa and there's no other way to tell them about the invasion."
"That's a good idea."
"It is," Fluttershy agreed, looking over the side. "But I don't think you need to go."
"Why's that?" they both asked.
Fluttershy pointed. "B-Because they're already here."
"Who's here?" Phoenix and the Dashie asked, leaning over to look with her. And they saw.
"All of them."
Dan and company looked out at Appleloosa. In front of the town was an enormous crowd as large as the town itself. Tents, carts, wagons and campfires. "Those don't look like hippies..." Chrys commented.
And Dan happily agreed. "No... that's not a hippy camp. That's a WAR camp!"
"Looks like the evacuation's turned into a rally," Phoenix remarked. "Set us down, Gust. We just got some reinforcements!"(Unless they're here to fight us. But that's not likely; what could we have done to piss them off?)
The carrier landed close to the assembled ponies and buffies. Unlike the hippies, there was no confusion or bewilderment. They were happy to see them- in fact, they were ready to fight for them.
Dan and company were carried down by the winged members of their party. Chrys continued to hold onto Dan while Fluffle Puff was his mount while Twilight carried Spike and Rainbow carried Phoenix. Daring, Fluttershy, Derpy and Wedge hovered behind them, remaining alert. But someone they knew was already waiting for them.
"Little Strongheart!" Twilight and Fluttershy exclaimed.
"Heyyyyy LSH! Keeping an eye on things in Appleloosa for us?" Rainbow asked.
The buffalo snorted. "We have been, not that any of you would be aware."
Twilight and her friends slowed their advance towards them. "What do you mean?"
"We're pissed off at you. All of us are pissed off at you!" Strongheart declared.
Phoenix swallowed. (Called it. I'm putting it out there right now that I called that one.)
Times Phoenix has Called It: 1
"What?!" Rainbow asked. "What did we do?!"
"Yeah!" Dan was quick to add. "We haven't wreaked havoc in this part of the country... yet! What, did we park on something?" he asked, trying to look under the carrier. "You didn't land the toilet ship on anything important, did you Captain Pot Pie?"
Gust shook his head. "That's a no on that one, ke-bro sah-bee."
"Hold up a sec," Daring said, "I think we landed on the Overwatch reference." She lifted up a broken pair of orange-tinted goggles, crushed by the ship.
"He asked if we landed on anything important," Gust clarified.
"Oh. Then no," Daring dropped the goggles.
Dan rubbed his heels into Fluffle Puff's fluff, prompting her forward. She happily and Fluffle Puffily complied, her eyes wide and her tongue sticking out. "Thpppth thppth thpppth thpppth." I am pretty princess mount of majesty. I bring you the good word of cuddles, fluff and snuggliness. Share my message with the world!
"Okay!" Dan bellowed. "Who here knows what a draft is?"
Twilight and friends collectively gulped. "I don't like where this is going," Phoenix said.
A hoof raised from the audience. "I'm a draft horse, if that counts."
"Not the same, but we might use you for something else. Good job offering," Dan said. "My point is, we won't be needing a draft!"
"Oh thank balls." Twilight and friends collectively breathed a sigh of relief.
"Because you have all been deputized by the Sparkle Guard!" Dan continued.
Chrys climbed onto Dan's shoulders. "Uhh, what my boyfriend whom I'm totally in a committed relationship with along with the pink creature he's riding is trying to say, is that we would all like to invite you to... our party."
"Our WAR party!" Dan declarified. "To get those black-and-white alien guys out of our own country! We are going to nuke them back to the age BEFORE the Stone Age so they don't even have sticks and stones to throw at us any more!"
"Because those sticks and stones totally kicked our asses!" Gust added. "Aaaand I'm not helping. Okay, quiet bird now."
"Boneless wings is exactly right!" Dan continued shouting. "If we don't do something, the zebras are going to turn Equestria into the Africa exhibit at the zoo!"
"...that sounds racis-"
"So we have to stop them. Now. And we know exactly how to do that. But we need your help!" Dan said. "Who's with me?!"
....
"Oh crap," Spike said.
Twilight nodded. "The ellipsis of inaction. That's never good."
"And it's got four dots. Wait," Phoenix counted. "Yeah, that's a four-dot ellipsis. A very bad sign."
"Is that worse than three?"
The lawyer nodded. "A lot worse. Not only does it indicate a lack of immediate response to Dan's call but the four dots together is sometimes used as a lead-in to counter-action, like something negative or unexpected."
"And they did say they were pissed off at us..." Chrys muttered, hiding behind Dan again, hooves still wrapped around him like love bug armor.
"It's not that bad yet," Dan said. "Just as long as it isn't accompanied by-"
The tumbleweed of inaction rolled by. Worse, it somehow sensed the confrontation ahead and rolled back the opposite way. Dan watched the ominous symbol roll into the obscurity of the distance from whence it came.
"Yep. NOW we're screwed."
The buffalo and cow ponies circled around the group. "We are pissed off at you- all of you!" Little Strongheart said.
"Wait!" Dan dug into his pocket, "There's a list of people you should blame before me!"
Gust tapped his shoulder. "Am I on that list?"
"You're gonna be on the top in a minute, eight piece!"
Little Strongheart approached them, glaring at them. Dan and companied recoiled, bracing for the imminent pummeling. "We're very upset... that you didn't invite us all sooner!"
...!
"Nicky! Nicky, what does that one mean?"
"It ends an in exclamation point. I think that's a good sign," Phoenix said, relieved.
The tumbleweed rolled back suddenly, followed by Tracer who recalled to that point for some reason. "Has anyone seen my goggles?!" she asked, covering her eyes. Cross another obligatory pop culture reference off the list. Yes, there is a list. No, it is not Dan's list. Yes, if you keep asking about the list, you might wind up on the list! NO, Dan's list! Dammit all, this is why we don't talk about the list!
"I am writing "the narrator" down on the list!" Dan said, writing the narrator's name down on the- ohh ho ho, you almost got me there. If I don't say it specifically, it doesn't happen! Dan smiled at... at me and said, "I wrote your name on the list." AAARRRGG. Grrrggan. Shivel. Blaaargh! "Ha-ha-ha!"
Gust smiled. "At least my name's not on the top!"
"Chicken... sandwich..." Dan said, writing.
"Uhh... but wait. That could just be an order for chicken sandwich. I still might be-"
"AKA Gust," Dan finished, writing Gust's name at the top of his list.
The griffon's head drooped. "Aww, you had to get specific, didn't you? Ima steal the list," Gust said, grabbing the list from Dan's hand.
"Decoy list," Dan corrected. Gust exploded again. "Medic!"
Twilight, Spike, Rainbow and Fluttershy hugged their longtime buffalo friend. "We've been fighting Vice Grip's forces for months now," she explained. "He's kidnapped many of us, tested weapons on our lands... it has not been easy."
"We're so very sorry, Little Strongheart," Fluttershy said.
"It's not your fault," she replied. "We had no way of contacting you. I told Chief Thunderhooves to get a better wireless plan but... he's still with Hay-Tea and Tee."
Rainbow held her shoulder. "We all feel your pain."
The buffalo sobbed into Rainbow's mane. "Why do they claim to provide better service, yet not provide service that is better? Why is it more expensive, yet sucks so much?"
"One of the great mysteries of our time," Twilight said.
"It's all right," Dan said. "All of that changes. Right now. Except maybe your cell phone plan, that's on you guys. But we will kick some zebra flank, followed by Vice Grip's flank! And any other flanks that stand in our way!"
Little Strongheart nodded. "That does sound good. What is the plan?"
Dan grinned. "We're gonna nuke the zebras!" For some reason, they all cheered at the news, despite not knowing what a nuke was or what it meant to nuke something. Dan said it with such optimism that they couldn't help but be swept up in it.
"Brilliant idea!"
"Best idea I've heard today!"
"What are Team Aqua and Team Magma doing here?"
"That's fantastic!" Strongheart delightedly agreed. The ponies and buffalo around her cheered. "How can we help?"
"Hahaha!" Dan laughed confidently. "You guys get to be bait!"
They all stopped cheering. "I don't like this idea."
"That's a dumber idea than using Kyogre to expand the seas."
"Oh, fuck off, Maxie."
Ideas Dumber than Team Aqua/Magma's Original Plans: L
"What the hell does "L" stand for?"
"Make the shape with your hand..."
"Okay."
"And now put it on your forehead..."
"Fuck you, Archie."
"Heheheh."
"Hold on now," Twilight held up her hooves. "We will be with you. For this to work, we have to launch the nuke in full view of the zebras. We need to hold the zebras off while Knight targets the Zebra Kingdom."
"I undestand," Little Strongheart said, nodding. "We'll do everything we can. Won't we, all?!" They were reluctant to cheer. "I said, WON'T WE, ALL?!?!"
They cheered exuberantly, tossing hats and headdresses into the air. Tiny fireworks deployed and Tracer and the tumbleweed applauded... somehow.
Tuxley carefully made his way through the crowd to Dan and the others. "Excuse me, yes, pardon. Excuse me! Hello, Captain Dan?"
"Tuxley! Welcome to the party!" Dan said, having Fluffle carry him over. "We just got a bunch of reinforcements to help us fight the zebras!"
"About that," Tuxley pointed over his shoulder.
"Where's Reginald?" Phoenix asked.
"He's keeping a lookout. By the way, about the zebras..."
"What?"
"They're here."
Zen Lah led his army from the front. There was no need to hide who are what he was now. In truth, Czulkang had not been happier in years; he had a new enemy to both combat and educate. He did not know why he was here or why he was now a zebra, why the gods had chosen to rescue him from his fate and transform him into this new form. What he did know was that he was finally, once again doing what he was meant to do: fight. He couldn't have felt more fulfilled.
He marched his zebras across the train tracks towards Easy Junction. The junction itself was a train switching station a few miles from Appleloosa designed to serve as a last equipment-checking and testing station before trains accelerated down the long routes. Its name came from the fact that trains "took things easy" up to the junction and then sped up after it.
The sun was beginning to set as they approached the junction. Zeal's entire army marched in a massive rowed line of divisions, the klam-klam of their legs beating their shields echoing for miles. As they rounded the bend, Zeal spotted Dan's army, much larger than it was last time. And towards the back of their own ranks, a massive metal pony, light reflecting off its polished body. It faced the north, a massive horn glowing red atop its head. "What trickery is this?" The zebras stopped.
"I think... yep, they see us," Dan said, looking through his binoculars.
"The Sword Spell is ready to go!" Twilight announced, hovering near Knight's head.
"Accessing Equestrian Defense Grid. Target: Zebropolis. Stage-four protocols are engaged, awaiting confirmation to initiate launch sequence."
"We're ready, Dan!" Phoenix announced, wearing his Samurai guard armor again. "Give us the word and we can launch!"
"One last thing!" Dan yelled.
"What?!"
Twilight teleport-zapped to his location. "Dan, what are you doing?! They're here- they see us!!"
Dan held up his hands. "I want to give them one last chance to surrender."
The purple princess, usually the first to resort to diplomacy, even she quirked her head at the human in disbelief. "Really? After all this?"
"One more time," Dan said, reassuring her. He withdrew a bullhorn from Fluffle Puff's utility fluff and stood on her. She lifted him up, somehow making a mechanical elevator noise as she did.
Dan towered over both his army and the zebra hoard now. He was able to see all of them. Now, their numbers were even, more or less. A lot of ponies, buffies, griffies and zebra-ies might get hurt if they fought. But they were all of them committed. Dan would give them all one last chance to avert conflict. "Attention, zebras!" he yelled through the horn. "We have a nuke now. We will use it... but we really don't want to. Please, we really want to solve this without further violence. If you give us a chance, we'll-" A spear smashed into his bullhorn, knocking and Fluffle Puff into his crowd. Fortunately, Chrys was there to catch them both.
"Dan! Are you okay?"
The spear went through the bullhorn, forcing it into his mouth while he was yelling. He spat both of them out and yelled, "Launch the nuke! Launch the nuke!"
Alarms blared from Knight. The Magic Gear's eyes glowed red and scrolled with binary. She adjusted her head and braced with her powerful legs, her processors beginning the calculations to launch a ballistic magical warhead.
"Initiating Sword launch sequence. Warning: failsafes disengaged. Adjusting launch angle... set. Calculating trajectory... t-minus two minutes to launch."
"CHARGE!!" Dan ordered. "Two minutes! Hold them off for two minutes!!" He yelled. Chrys carried Dan and Fluffle Puff back to Knight as a stampede of hooves thundered beneath them.
"ZULU!!!!" Zeal's hoard yelled, raising spears and charging back at Dan's army. The powerful buffalo and Little Strongheart clashed with the first zebras just in front of the railroad tracks and the battle was on. The winner would be decided in all of two minutes.
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Two minutes for them, but for us we will have to wait a week to see those two minutes.
just how many mind controlled zebra can get lost in Flufflepuffs fur and Pinkies Mane? Also, I really hope Knight is programming th thing correctly, in that it first climbs out of the atmosphere on an approximate course, but making sure to use atmospheric forces to ajust its primary trajectory for all the free delta V, to handle the effect of the launch platform being totally disorientated, then further stages of checking for correct hemisphere, quadrant etc using multiple crosschecked data sources and processors.
I mean, a single wire from the attitude gyroscope to the 8 ball, and when it came slightly loose the randomly fluctuating power was considered to be the same as the error tracking pulses?
We need more flour and water. Or any other sort of horribly effective non setting super goop.
That's a very good question
wtf man?
Awesome work on this man, awesome work! And whew... gotta wait a week, good lawdy lawdy.
Good show!
8033157
Better than when Frieza said Namek will be destroyed in 5 minutes, when in our real time was about 9 episodes (~4.5 hours total in 2 months)
Timed battle!
'knocking and Fluffle Puff into his crowd' - knocking him and Fluffle Puff into the crowd.
Why do the heroes/villains always wait until the last second to launch, and THEN start the countdown? Why not start the countdown early and then hold at 10 seconds or something until they're ready? See, this is why those people lose.
8033629 True. Very true.
Please forgive my lateness Dan and please accept my gratitude for my weekly dose of Dan-sanity! Back in a few to fully review ... (In my case the ellipses means a pause while I read!)
This chapter was so much fun!
We get to meet LSH again (I always thought she was a cutie!) and now Dan's team just got a +100 in Strength! I hope Dan knocks the stripes off Invader Zeal (but ideally not before we find out how the creepy alien possessed him first!)!
The action starting at the end was great, but once more the hilarious dialogue was my favourite part of this chapter! Be it spoken or narrative I loved it all! Let me count the ways:
That you did Phoenix
hmm, I'll have to go back and count all the times you called it before this chapter! Our favourite Ace Attorney deserves a higher score!
I was wondering what the 'L' was for too Maxie
... Now the single best part of this chapter:
Someone needs to cover this and put it on a 10 hour loop, it's just too cute! Chrys's 'love bug shield' was funny but come on we all know Fluffle is the true star of this fiasco!
Like always I thank you for my weekly laughing fit, and like always will look forward to the next chapter.
Awesome as always and see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
^_^
I to enjoy making lists...
~Dollars
You're at the top of one of them...