• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Episode 3: Dan Vs. DJ Pon-3

Intro: Rise Up- Theme of Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship

One day,
You wake up to find~
Nothing
That you know is right!
Feels like
You've gone completely blind
But somehow, you can still see the light~

You can show any rule
You're not scared to defy it
Show the world some healthy opposition
If there's something new, you're not afraid to try it
Because you're free to make your own decisions
This is your life- no matter what others say~
Rise up! You can face the day!

So you're stuck
There's not much you can do
It's like
Everything's out to get you
But still
You can still find a way to forge a path and make your dreams come true!

You can show the whole world
You're not scared to believe it!
Stand tall and defend your position!
No matter how cold the truth is, you're not afraid to receive it!
And keep moving forward with your own mission!
This is your life- you've gotta live it your own way
Rise up! You can face the day!

It's tough to see what the truth really is
When all you've got is mixed messages
Seems like the problems that come around
Are setup just to keep you down
Nothing seems right!
And it's like your entire life's just plight after plight!
But no matter what the problem is or how long the struggle's length,
You can still find the courage to stand, to find your inner strength~

You can show any rule
You're not scared to defy it!
Show the world some healthy opposition!
If there's something new, you're not afraid to try it!
Because you're free to make your own decisions!
This our world! The game is on and we're gonna play!
We'll rise up! We can face the day!


Early in the morning, it was quiet in Twilight's house apart from the consistent sounds of snores. Dan, Chrysalis, Spike and even Fluffle Puff all made quite a lot of noise during their slumber. But this didn't disturb any of them; no, there was a harmony about all their nocturnal murmurings. It allowed all of them to sleep easily through the night and as the sun crept over the horizon, they were content to remain in bed a little while longer, indulging in their dreams.

The outside sounds and raise from the new-morning sun didn't rouse any of them. They weren't woken by the early activities of those in Ponyville, the birds flying over head and they didn't hear the pulsing sounds of bass coming from a newly-opened store nearby in town, especially not Dan.

Dan had learned a long time ago that Fluffle Puff made sounds like a freight train being derailed when she slept. He had the foresight to wear some earmuffs to bed when he adjourned for the night, meaning he didn't hear the wubs penetrating Twilight's house early in the morning. Unfortunately, wubs were not something that could only be heard but could also be very much felt. And Dan was about to feel them.

The young man vibrated on his bed, his eyes slowly blinked open. "Wha... what? What's going on?!" he continued shaking, the power of the bass pushing him to the edge of the bed. He fell to the floor, landing in a seated position.

"It's an earthquake! Run for your lives!!" Dan sprang to his feet and yanked off the earmuffs. The room around them shook with each blasting beat. He ran over to where Chrysalis and Fluffle still slept.

"Wake up! What're you two doing?! We have to evacuate!!" he yelled, grabbing Chrysalis by the shoulder.

The changling queen's eyes slowly opened. "It's... what...?" she asked groggily.

Dan shook her to clear her daze. "It's an earthquake! Use your magic! Do something!"

Chrysalis looked around, finally waking up. "Wha-what should I do?!"

"Change into something that can save us!!"

She thought for a moment. "Oh! I know!" In a bright, green flash, the changling queen transformed into an exact copy of Princess Celestia. Right down to the flowing mane, she looked exactly like the princess.

"I'm Princess Celestia now!" Chrysalis said, even in the princess's own voice. "Will this work?"

Dan gritted his teeth. "I said something that can save us, not somepony that'll just send for Twilight and- wait, Twilight!" It was then Dan realized the best course of action would be to get Twilight for help. He dropped the transformed white alicorn and ran out of his room. The walls shook as he ran across the way to Twilight's room. He banged on Twilight's door.

"Twilight! TWILIGHT, WAKE UP!! IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE!!" Dan shouted, banging on the door again. The vibrations in the house intensified; it felt like the tree might uproot itself at any second. Still, the door to Twilight's room didn't open.

"WE HAVE TO EVACUATE NOW! GET UP, GET UP!!" he shouted, desperately knocking to rouse his friend and get out in time. He heard books in the living room fall off the shelves. Suddenly, the vibrations stopped as the door to Twilight's room opened.

"Mornin' Dan," Spike said in the doorway. He seemed completely oblivious to the tremors.

Dan looked around, confused. "What... what happened? It's over?"

Spike looked confused as well. "What's over?"

Putting a hand to the wall, Dan didn't feel anything. Just like that, it was gone. "I... don't know. I thought there was an earthquake or something. Where's Twilight?"

Spike pointed behind him with his thumb. "She left early to go check out some new store that opened up in town. One of those 'grand opening' things; she wanted to be one of the first in line."

"I see..." Dan said, pondering. "Where's this store at?"

"It's the new WubWay just a down the street. Part of a chain, they sell music... and sandwiches, I think," Spike scratched his chin.

"Hmm... you know when she'll be back?"

"Not sure, probably soon. You need something?"

Dan's eyes narrowed. "I think I'll go check out this new store for myself," he said, turning around and walking back to his room. The house was a mess; he had to step over a few pictures that had been knocked to the floor by the seismic disturbance. He opened the door to the room he shared with Chrysalis and Fluffle Puff.

"Dan!" Chrysalis shouted enthusiastically as Dan stepped through. "How about now? I turned into something that will save us!"

"You transformed into Twilight?" Dan asked, raising an eyebrow.

The purple 'princess' nodded. "Yeah! She saved Equestria from me before I reformed and also saved the Crystal Empire from King Sombra!"

"And can you use all her powers?"

"Well, uh... no."

Dan smiled. "Keep working on it." He grabbed his cell phone from its charging receptacle on the wall socket. While most of Equestria seemed devoid of the more sophisticated electronics and appliances Dan was used to from Earth, he found out that was just a façade. Equestria's technology was simply not as prevalent in some areas but was by no means primitive. One might assume that the society lacked advanced equipment at first glance but that was simply the style the ponies seemed to prefer. Besides, they had magic so they simply didn't require that much advancement. Dan, however, did.

Fluffle Puff hugged him on the way out. He embraced the cuddly pink creature. Adapting to life in Equestria hadn't been easy at first but with the help of Fluffle Puff, Chrysalis and Twilight, he had managed. It hadn't taken him too long to find an electronics store in Ponyville(it was on the OTHER side of Sugar Cube Corner, go figure) and he enjoyed the new friends he'd made. But occasionally, something random would happen in town, like today and he would be left with no explanation. That was what he was going to set out to fix.

Dan walked down the stairs into the living room, taking care not to step on any of Twilight's books or belongings that had been strewn about the house. While a random earthquake was strange, Dan had trained himself not to panic. That, and living in California for most of his life had prepared him for it. Still, Equestria was not Earth and that meant an explanation might not be as clear but if it was something that could disturb him when he was trying to sleep in, it deserved his attention so that it didn't happen again.

Taking a deep breath and prepared for whatever state the town was in, Dan opened Twilight's door and stepped outside.

"Dan, wait!" Chrysalis called to him again. "I've got it this time! This will definitely save us!"

Dan turned back around to see Cadence running down from the stairs. "Oh, thank goodness!" he said, relieved.

The changling queen looked happy she'd finally transformed into the right thing, even if she didn't know why Dan had asked her yet. "This is good, right? Okay, so what do we need saving from?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. Crisis is over... for now, at least," Dan replied.

The queen returned to normal in a flash of green. "Wait, I don't understand."

"The disaster's over. No idea what started it but we're good now. You can go back to bed."

"But," the queen frowned. "Why were you happy I transformed into Cadence?"

"Oh, no, it wasn't that. You've got Cheeto-dust in your mane and it reminded me we're out of Cheetos," Dan replied, stepping outside.

"Cheeto-dust?" the queen repeated, brushing her mane with her hoof. "Dan, wait! Let me come with you!"

"Great idea! We can use you as a distraction in case we run into trouble!"

Chrysalis smiled, happy to be invited for the errand. "Oh, goody! This will be fun!"

"Exactly! You'll make the best bait ever!"

The queen clapped her hooves together. "Awesome! I get to be... wait, what?"

Dan turned around. "Now, to find this new music store..." he said, walking into the Ponyville street.


"And that's why it's called a bass cannon," Vinyl Scratch said, twisting the nob down.

Twilight stood in front of Wubway, Vinyl and her roommate Octavia's newest business venture, still taken back by the DJ pony's performance. While Octavia was inside the store taking care of customers, Vinyl had taken upon herself to demonstrate another one of their products, the bass cannon, to attract more business to the grand opening of their store. Twilight had been among the first to ask what the large contraption sitting out front was and Vinyl had been more than happy to show them what it was. Though it had been something they'd heard and felt rather than saw.

"That was... loud," Twilight said, not disguising her slight discomfort at the device. It reminded her of something Pinkie would come up with. "Are you sure that won't... disturb half of Ponyville every time it's used?"

"Nah!" the white unicorn waved away the suggestion, walking from behind her audial artillery. "I specially adapted the frequency so it won't penetrate any of the buildings in Ponyville. You can blast this baby all day and your neighbors will never notice!"

"What about trees?" Twilight asked.

"What about 'em?" the DJ tipped down her shades.

"What would this cannon do if it was in proximity to a tree house or something?"

"Ah, it'd probably shake the whole thing to bits but the tree would be okay, probably," Vinyl said, putting a hoof on her chin. "Why do ya ask?"

"Because I live in a tree house. With a few others. Close by," she gestured to the side. "Next door, actually."

Vinyl over to peer around the side of the building. Sure enough, a couple houses down was the Ponyville Library where Twilight lived in a roundabout area of the neighborhood. It was indeed a tree house and Vinyl could tell at this distance, it probably had felt the effects of her bass cannon.

The music mare removed her trademark sunglasses. "Maybe I should stop wearing these at night..." she muttered, looking at her shades. "Well, uh... hey, at least we know the library can withstand the acoustical blast of one of these babies!" Vinyl grinned hugely, trying to cover up the fact she'd unintentionally subjected the newest princess's home with the sonic awesomeness that were wubs.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Yeah but what about everything inside?"

"Oh," the DJ said shyly, "Uh, things might get shaken up... a little, maybe."

"A little?" a voice repeated. The two ponies turned to see Dan and Chrysalis standing behind Twilight. "Smoothies are a little shaken up, the house is a wreck."

"Hi... guys," Twilight turned around and said nervously. "Did you both sleep well?" She didn't really know what else to say; she wanted to be cautious and try not to do anything to anger her easily disgruntled friends, knowing they'd probably cause a scene. Looking at both of them staring back at her, Twilight knew it already might be too late for that.

"Slept just fine up until I thought the library was being torn down," Dan remarked, his arms folded.

"Yeeeeeaaah.... sorry about that," Vinyl apologized. "Modified the bass cannon so it wouldn't affect the buildings in Ponyville, kinda forgot not every building is... a building."

Twilight looked over to Dan and Chrysalis to see they both wore unamused expressions. She smiled at them, hoping to defuse the potentially volatile situation but inside, she prepared for the verbal onslaught before it happened. "Are you guys... okay?" Twilight asked cautiously.

Dan returned his arms to his sides. "Oh yeah, we're fine. Like I said, house is a bit of a mess but it shouldn't take too long to clean up."

"It might take time to get all the books re-alphabetized and all the pictures back on the walls but everything else is all right," Chrysalis added. They both walked over to the front of the store.

Twilight's eyes went wide. Was she really hearing this? Did Dan get disturbed and then... NOT get mad?

"Sorry about that again, guys," Vinyl said to the two as they approached.

"It's all right," Dan replied. "I honestly thought it was an earthquake or something when I woke up. I'm kind of relieved it wasn't some giant monster attacking the town or something."

The purple alicorn couldn't believe her ears. "You both aren't... mad?" she had to ask.

Chrysalis turned and shrugged. "Why would we be? It's you and Spike who are going to have to reorganize the library."

"Good point," Twilight thought aloud. Was there something she wasn't getting here?

"So, apart from the wake-up wubs, how're you guys doing?" Vinyl asked the two.

"Not bad," Dan answered. "Starting to get out and do a little more with Twilight and the others. What's with the new store?"

"Ah, me and Tavi are starting a new flagship project. It's gonna be a chain," she said, gesturing to the sing overhead with her hoof.

"Wubway?" Dan raised an eyebrow at the sign. "What was wrong with your old record shop?"

"Nothing, we were just looking to expand and needed a brand name to go along with it. Wubways will be smaller with more of an emphasis on downloading music and letting people customize their albums, even create and remix tracks. We'll still sell CDs and records but every store will have Wi-Fi so if there's something we don't have, they can still listen to it and download it for a price," Vinyl explained.

"That sounds pretty interesting," Chrysalis said. "Is every store going to come complete with its own bass cannon?"

"Ah, nah, this one's just to get things started off here in Ponyville," Vinyl put a hoof to her chin. "Might consider putting one in a catalogue or something."

"Well, I'm going to miss the old record store," Dan said.

"Yeah," Vinyl agreed in a somewhat sad tone. "It was nice having you guys come in every now and then but we need more business."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You've all met before?"

"Oh yeah," Vinyl answered. "Dan and Chrys stopped by lots of times before."

"I dropped by about once a week while out shopping," Dan revealed. "The old record store was right next to the StopGame and Starbucks."

"StopGame? Starbucks?" Twilight asked, surprised there were stores in town she didn't know about.

"Yep," Chrysalis nodded. "We didn't even have to ponify Starbucks."

"Wait, what?"

"You guys wanna come inside, check out the new store?" Vinyl offered.

"Sounds great!" Dan happily replied and the DJ unicorn escorted the two inside. Twilight stepped around the bass cannon and looked at the store's sign. She'd just heard about the grand opening today but according to some of the advertisements in the windows, it had been forecast for weeks.

The purple alicorn looked up and down the streets at some of the other buildings. Some she recognized... but most she didn't. She saw ponies milling about their houses, most of them unfamiliar despite living so close to her home. Twilight hadn't heard about the two stores Dan mentioned and she couldn't recall ever visiting Vinyl and Octavia's old store. In fact, apart from Sugar Cube Corner, Twilight barely recognized this part of town. It was like being in a Ponyville she'd never seen before.

Head slightly lower than before, heavy with thought, Twilight entered the music shop.


Rows of shelves lined the store from the front entrance to the back. To the right side of the store, tables and chairs were set up with computer terminals lining the wall. Towards the back, a line of ponies stretched over to the side while Octavia worked behind the counter at a cash register. The shop appeared to be half café, half record store. Twilight saw her three friends in the center of the aisle ahead of her at a listening station. Nudging past a couple ponies who she thought were from Trottingham, she made her way over to them.

"Oooh, I like this one," Chrysalis said. She wore a pair of headphones and hopped in place, dancing to the song she was listening to.

"That one's a classic, Pinkie Pie's jam," Vinyl remarked, adjusting her shades. It was her business to know music, including what everypony liked.

Dan was looking through some of the items off to the side. "This is actually a pretty good deal for me. I can choose whatever tracks I want, create an album and buy it for the standard price of a CD."

"Yep. It's all about customization and convenience these days. Of course, nothing beats live music. That's why we have the café area. At night, we move out all the tables and BOOM! Instant dance floor. And every Wubway's gonna have one," Vinyl proudly declared.

"How are you going to perform in every store?" Twilight asked.

Vinyl chuckled. "I'm not gonna be in EVERY store, Twilight. Maybe me and Octavia will be at a couple openings but we're gonna hire local talent. Give new musicians in each town a chance."

"Don't you think it will be hard to find new DJs in every town?"

Vinyl tipped her shades at Twilight. "You'd be surprised how many musicians there are out in Equestria. Neon Lights has signed on to perform at the next one, just as soon as we get this store up and running. These shops are going to be about creating an environment where music, musicians and fans of music are all celebrated together."

Twilight looked around, seeing the business. "Well, it looks like you're off to a great start." For some reason, Twilight was reminded of her library in that instant. Apart from her houseguests, she was the only one who used it. Hardly any other ponies in town checked out any books. Of course, Twilight knew there was a difference between stories and songs but she couldn't help think... maybe her library could use some improvement as well?

Chrysalis flipped through songs and continued listen-browsing. "Hey Dan, check this one out," she said, levitating a second pair of headphones over to him.

Dan put them on. "Hmm... not bad."

"Here, try this one," Vinyl said, switching tracks on the display in front of them.

"Hey, now this is pretty good," Dan remarked.

Vinyl beamed. "One of my own originals. Took me almost a week to get the beats just right."

"Wow, you wrote this yourself?" Chrysalis asked.

"Yep. I might even remix it sometime down the road. I like reexamining my own work like that."

"Let me know if you ever need specific vocals," Chrysalis said. "I can transform into any pony there is, including their voice."

The white unicorn put a hoof to her chin. "I'll keep that in mind..."

Dan removed the headphones. "Great track, Vinyl. It kind of reminds me of a song by Arch Pawn, band back from Earth."

"It does?" the DJ asked, adjusting her glasses again.

"Yeah, especially the vocals. I even saw them in concert once," Dan answered.

"You never mentioned what music is like on Earth before," Twilight commented, encouraging an explanation.

"Well, there's not much of a difference. Music is music, I guess," Dan thought aloud and pulled out his phone. "Come to think of it, I think I still have a few songs downloaded from Earth."

"Hey, that kinda looks like my phone," Vinyl leaned closer.

"Really?" Dan asked. He pulled up his contacts on the phone's screen. "What's your number? I can add you on here."

"Uhh..." the DJ took a step back. "I don't really have it any more."

The group looked over to her. "What happened to it?" Twilight asked.

Vinyl smiled shyly. "The touchscreen was too small for my hooves. So I couldn't really use it."

"You know the Radio Barn down the street can modify it for you," Dan said. "You could take it to them and fix it so it would be easier to use."

"Uhh... can't really do that either," the white unicorn said. "I kinda threw it into a fireplace during an interview... and then it exploded."

"You threw your phone into a fireplace?" Twilight quirked an eyebrow.

Chrysalis grinned. "Was that interview a little too... hot for you?" The changling queen looked around and noticed that suddenly noticed that a silence answered her. She blushed and was forced to quickly recompose herself.

Dan kept flipping through his phone. "Hey, I think I found it. Listen to this."

Vinyl levitated the phone over to her, put on a pair of ear buds and plugged them into the phone. Dan pressed a key on the screen and music began to play. The DJ mare's expression slowly changed from curious, to enthusiastic, then slowly to puzzled, discomforted and finally... disgusted. She removed the buds from her ears, one ear twitching.

"That's... Earth music?" she asked, seeming shaken. "This... doesn't sound anything like any of my music."

"What're you talking about?" Dan asked, shocked. "This sounds EXACTLY like that song you just had up."

Vinyl shrugged. "I'm sorry Dan, I really don't think so. It doesn't sound the same to me."

"Your track sounds almost exactly the same as the one on my phone," Dan defended. "I don't know how you can't hear the similarity."

Vinyl chuckled. "I don't hear the similarity because there isn't one, Dan. It just sounds... different, I guess. Like something from another planet. I guess that makes sense, seeing as how it's from Earth."

"That doesn't make any sense at all!" Dan shouted. "Music is music whether it's from Earth or Equestria! The songs might be different but it's not like-"

"It's just... noise," Vinyl finished his sentence.

"That's ridiculous," Dan shook his head. "There's no difference between Earth and Equestrian music!"

The DJ put on a forced smile and removed her shades. "Are you saying I don't know my own music, Dan?"

"Well I don't know; are you sure you even heard my question?"

Twilight's eyes went wide at the exchange. Chrysalis covered her muzzle with her hoof.

Dan handed her his phone. "I've got tons of music on this thing leftover from Earth. I made sure to download plenty in case I ever didn't want to listen to someone talking. There's lots of songs on there and there's NOTHING different between them and Equestrian songs."

"Hmm..." the white unicorn put a hoof to her chin as she looked at the phone, weighing her options. "We'll see about that."

Chrysalis grinned. "Don't you mean you'll hear about that?" She received three contempt stares in response from the other three and lowered her head.

The group stood in the aisles for a few minutes as the unicorn musician listened to Dan's music. Going over each song, she only listened to the first parts before her expression would contort into disdain and she'd move on. An increasingly irritated Dan flipped through tracks on his phone while a nervous Twilight watched.

Chrysalis, on the other hoof, had found a new use for blank CDs by placing them in the holes on her hooves that were characteristic of her species. Sliding a disk into all of her spaces, she then placed two in front of her eyes and made two into earrings.

"Hey, look. I guess the "C" in CD stands for Changling now." she giggled. "This'll make it really easy for me to CHANGE tracks!" Dan and Twilight facepalm/hooved at the queen's comment.

"Can you change into inanimate objects?" Twilight asked, genuinely curious.

Chrysalis clicked her hooves together innocently. "Well... it's kind of something I've been practicing with Fluffle Puff but I don't know yet..."

"Wow... that was... wow," Vinyl shook her head and removed the ear buds.

"You see?" Dan asked.

"Hear*" Chrysalis corrected.

He pointed to the phone. "Every single song on there is-"

"-crap." Vinyl answered for Dan.

"Which is just what I- wait, what?"

The DJ mare levitated the device back to the young man. "Complete crap, Dan... that's what you had me listen to."

Dan stared back at her in disbelief, shock, stunned for a moment. "I... I don't under-"

"You had me listen to all of your songs, Dan, both Earth and Equestrian. I didn't hear any similarity in them to anything I've ever written... and quite frankly, I didn't really care for them. No offense, dude," she said, walking past them.

"But... but I..." Dan stammered. "I don't understand..."

"I'll catch up with you guys later," Vinyl said over her shoulder. She walked back to the entrance and exited, returning to the demonstration of the bass cannon.

Chrysalis put a hoof on Dan's shoulder. "It's all right, Dan. I'm sure Earth has a lot of interesting music."

Dan shook it off. "Eh, it's all right... it's, it's fine. She's entitled to like what she likes, no big deal."

Twilight smiled. She was happy to see Dan take disappointment so well but she decided she'd have to talk to him later about it, help him accept things. It might've just been because Dan and Vinyl knew each other from before but it was still progress she was happy to see. Sometimes friends disagree; it was good to see Dan knew this lesson already.

"I still find it hard to believe she thinks music from Earth and Equestria sound different," Dan said, quirking the corner of his mouth.

Chrysalis turned her head to offer suggestion. "Maybe she only likes a certain kind of music?"

"Everypony has different likes and dislikes," Twilight agreed. "Like Vinyl and Octavia. But they get along fine despite their disagreements. Like in that interview."

"You're right," Dan nodded. "Let's go see Octavia. She can probably tell that both the songs sound the same," he said, turning to the back of the store.

"Good idea," Twilight said. "And while we're here, we can-"

BRZZZOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWMMMMMM!!!!!

A loud pulse of pure base cut through the store, sound and magical energy combined into a blast of wub so powerful it knocked Dan and the others to the ground. The Bass Beam, the visual part of wubasonic energy narrowly missed the trio and shot over head, leaving the three on the floor. Instead of being deafened by the blast, Dan and the others only heard the beats of the song ringing in their ears just loud enough to be motivated to start headbanging if they hadn't been thrown off their legs by it. The store itself was fine, Vinyl having calibrated the bass cannon so it wouldn't effect the building. The biped and two ponies however were a bit shaken.

Around them, the store seemed to be quaking but in reality, that was their own bodies being vibrated and energized. This was the sheer power of Equestrian auditory engineering, the magic inherent in all pony music. But the bass cannon was also a weapon, a device designed to harness the strength of wubs and channel them into an energy wave with enough magnitude to disrupt any magical defense. Vinyl Scratch originally designed it to be part of a fireworks display but after a few villains made reappearances in Ponyville, she discovered it worked equally well on would-be invaders.

Dan slowly stood, grabbing an item rack to help him balance. "What... was that?"

Chrysalis landed on Twilight, the two scrambled to get themselves untangled.

"Pthbbt!" Twilight spat Chrysalis' hair out of her mouth. "*cough* Wh-why is there Cheeto-dust in your mane?"

"That reminds me," the changling queen stood. "We're out of Cheetos."

"*cough* What was that noise?" Twilight asked.

"Woops! Sorry, guys!"

Dan and the others turned to see Vinyl Scratch standing in front of the entrance to the store with her bass cannon pointed directly at them, or rather pointing to a spot just above them.

"We're okay Vinyl... I think," Twilight said back.

"It's DJ PON-3 now!" Vinyl yelled. "When I drop the bass, DJ mode activates!!"

"That's... great," Chrysalis remarked. Both she and Twilight rose to their hooves, their manes frazzled. "You okay, Dan?"

Dan's back was turned to them. "My... phone..." he muttered, voice quivering.

"Dan?" Chrysalis asked.

Slowly, the young man turned to him. In both of his hands was his phone, a jagged crack down the screen with the last image burnt out on its surface. Dan pressed his thumb to the face repeatedly, trying to get a response but the screen remained unchanged.

Twilight looked at the ruined device. "Oh my goodness, Dan, I'm so sor-"

"My... phone..." Dan said again. Slowly, the dark-haired man's hand balled into a fist around the remains of his cellular phone. His eyes began to narrow, jaw clenching as an inferno of rage built in him. Dan's face became a furious snarl, a volatile anger seething through him like boiling lava.

Chrysalis rose a hoof out to him, her expression one of deep concern. Twilight wore the same expression. "Dan, are you-"

Dan threw his hands to the ceiling of the music shop and yelled at the top of his lungs,

"DJ-PON 3!!!!!!"

For a moment, Dan's voice challenged the capacity of the bass cannon.


"Vinyl, you need to run!" Twilight called to the DJ.

The white unicorn took off her shades. "What?"

"RUN!!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Dan shouted a blood-curdling scream and dashed for the entrance of the store, running past Chrysalis and Twilight and knocking over two ponies presumably from Trottingham. He burst out the front doors like a beast ripping through its cage.

Vinyl backed away from the bass cannon. "Dan, I'm so sorry, I was just-"

"Sorry?!You're sorry?!" Dan's voice dripped with venom. He stomped up to the bass cannon. "You should've never brought this THING to this side of town!!"

"Dan, what are you-"

In a single motion, the young man flipped the bass cannon over so it pointed at Vinyl Scratch.

BRZZZZOOOOWWWWWWWMMM!!! Without warning, the cannon fired, knocking Dan back and blasting Vinyl and a couple other ponies nearby. Vibrating a bit, the machine quickly shut off after unleashing the blast.

"This thing is too dangerous!" Dan said, rising to his feet. "How you ever expected to...?" he trailed off when he saw over the bass cannon.

The other ponies had been knocked to the ground by the blast, just as Dan had but Vinyl stood in the center on all four hooves, unscathed. Her blue mane was blasted back and her bangs hung over he eyes. Panting, she looked back at Dan, two red orbs staring at him as she smiled.

"Do... that... again..." Vinyl said between pants.

Dan raised an eyebrow and a sinister smile spread across his face. "Oh, I'll do it again. Just let me make a little quick adjustment." He cranked dat sh*flutteryay* up to eleven and then pulled the memory card out of his phone. Hooking up the card to the bass cannon, he quickly brought up the salvaged track menu from his phone's memory.

"Let's see what the bass cannon can do with the oldies," Dan said. He selected the song Vinyl listened to early and loaded it into the bass cannon's system.

"Don't you mean hear?" Chrysalis asked.

"No." Dan pressed play. BLRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!! A bronze beam arced into the upper atmosphere turning the sky into a shade of burnt orange.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Vinyl screamed in agony as the beat from a relic of yesterday's top forty rang in her ears, overpowering her. Her knees buckled and she covered her ears with her hooves as the music of a previous generation washed over her, blasting louder than her own voice.

Dan grinned. "Sounds like an upgrade to me! I think I like the new and improved RETRO bass cannon!"

"AAAAAAUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Vinyl continued to hold her ears and scream, not even hearing Dan's chide comment. The lenses on her glasses shattered revealing her eyes wide open behind them, her expression one of unimaginable pain. The bass cannon finally shut off, the beam dissipating into the upper atmosphere. Vinyl was left shaking from the blast; her own voice died as the sound did.

"Critical hit!" Chrysalis shouted. "It's super effective!" Towards the top of the screen, Vinyl's HP bar drained to zero.

Completely overwhelmed by the retro ray, Vinyl's legs gave out from under her. The DJ collapsed, face-planting into the grass, unconscious.

"Vinyl Scratch fainted!"

"All right," Dan grinned and pulled a Great Ball out of his pocket, he shouted, "Time to end this!" Cocking his right arm back, he prepared to chuck the ball and capture the defenseless pony in front of him. "Go, Great Ba-"

"No Dan, stop!"

Just as he was about to throw the ball, his hand clutching glowed and he stopped mid-toss. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Chrysalis approach him with her horn glowing.

"Dan, you can't use a Poke Ball when they've fainted."

"What? Why not?! That doesn't make any sense!"

"I know," the changling said, releasing his hand. "But that's just the way the game works. Besides, if you could just make them faint and then catch them, it would be too easy."

Dan put the ball back in his pocket. "Good point..." he muttered.

"VINYL!!!!!" a voice from behind them screeched. The two of them turned around in time to see a gray blur burst from the entrance of the store and fly past them. Whipping their heads back around, they saw Octavia kneeling down over the immobile form of DJ PON-3.

"Vinyl, what happened to you?!" Octavia asked. "Speak to me!"

"Tavi..." the unicorn gasped weakly. "The music... so tacky... couldn't take it. I need... wubs..."

The gray mare turned slowly back towards the store entrance, a menacing glare on her face.

"Dan, you need to run," Twilight said.

Leaning a shoulder on the retrofied bass cannon, Dan clearly didn't understand the danger he was in. "What? What for?"

"RUN!!"

Octavia stared at Dan, Chrysalis and Twilight, clearly furious. "Who is responsible for this?" she demanded, her voice laced with an angry acid.

The purple alicorn took that opportunity to step away from Dan and the bass cannon. Dan looked to his left to see a lit-up sign pointing directly at him.

"Hey! Where did this sign come from? Chrys? Did you transform into that?"

A pony across the street waved at him. "No, I transformed into an innocent bystander; that sign's been there the whole time."

Dan rubbed his chin. "I see..."

Octavia was less amused. "Nopony hurts my Vinyl and gets away with it."

"Now, hold on a second," Dan put his hands out. "She's blasted me twice with her giant noise maker already! All I wanted to do is maybe listen to some music and get outta here."

The gray musician grinned. "Oh, you would like to listen to some music? Well, I have something for you to listen to..." From behind her seemingly out of nowhere, she pulled out a cello.

"Is that a cello?"

"Why, yes it is, Dan," the cellist closed her eyes as she spoke. "You see, Vinyl and I both have our instruments. But I don't need a cannon to put on a... explosive demonstration."

Chrysalis appeared right next to Dan again. "You might want to put on these earplugs."

"Why?"

"Because this is gonna BLOW YOUR MIND!"

Octavia pulled out her string and drew it once along her cello, producing a single, long note. It was pretty, symphonic but just a single note. It was over quickly and the only thing that followed was silence.

Dan looked around, confused. "Is... is that it? You wanted me to hear one note?"

The gray mare still had her eyes closed. Smiling, she whispered, "Wait for it..."

The sign next to Dan collapsed in the dirt. Chrysalis disappeared again. Confused, Dan hid behind the bass cannon, not knowing what was going to happen next. Octavia, however, didn't even need to open her eyes to know what would happen. The earth underneath Dan began shaking but mysteriously, only under Dan.

"W-h-a-t-'s g-o-I-n-g onnnnn?!" Dan asked, vibrating rapidly. Suddenly, a pillar of earth shot up right underneath Dan's feet. The pillar carried him up into the air as it rose. Twilight and Chrysalis stood as far away from the scene as the could, watching a sharp mound of earth rise like a tree in front of the music store.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Dan screamed as he tumbled down the mare-made mountain.

"Did I ever tell you about my first performance, Dan?" Octavia asked calmly, putting on a pair of sunglasses. "It was called... earth-shattering."

"YEEAAAAHH!!" Vinyl yelled.

Shaking slightly and covered in dirt, Dan rose to his feet. "So, that's how you wanna... play your little instruments, huh?" Not even bothering to brush himself off, he approached the bass cannon and turned it to the two musical mares.

"Oh, snap!" Chrysalis said. "It's gonna be a showdown, y'all!"

Vinyl finally stood up. "Ha, you think you can take on Tavi with the bass cannon? Tavi's a classically-trained music appreciator; there's no sound she can't listen to," she said, patting a hoof on her friend's back.

Dan narrowed his eyes. "Oh, I don't just have music downloaded on my phone. Back on Earth, I also listened to political radio, podcasts and even... advertisements!!" The young man keyed a new sequence on the controls of the hijacked cannon.

"Dan, wait!" Vinyl reached a hoof out to him. "The bass cannon wasn't made to handle radio advertisements! There's no telling what could happen!"

"Oh really?!" Dan ask/shouted back. "Then admit that I have good taste in music! Admit that Earth music is just as... musical as Equestrian music!"

Vinyl's lip trembled. "I... I... I can't!"

"Then you leave me no choice!" Dan smashed the red FIRE button. The bass cannon unleashed no beam, no surge of energy, no massive influx of sound and magic capable of repelling even the most heinous of threats. It didn't even move.

"What?"

"Ha ha!" Vinyl taunted. "Looks like the sound file won't play!"

"No... no!" Dan yelled. He punched in different commands on the console but they yielded no results. "Cheap piece of-"

Suddenly, the cannon started shaking. The vibrations continued as the housing and frame, its intricate workings seemed like they were almost coming apart. An ear-piercing whine came from its innards.

"...And tonight on an all-new CSI: Boise-"
"Wacky wailing inflatable arms flailing tube man!"
"-which is why Kinect should NEVER have even been-"
"-governor attempted to justify his selling the state's water supply overseas by offering constituents harmonicas-"
"-utter failure at everything you attempt to do, the very ground you walk upon is-"
"*applause*"
"-just one contains enough nutrition to justify playing video games forty hours a week-"
"TRUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!""
"-with the countdown. I'm Casey Kasem."
"-occluded front to the NE, temperatures expected to drop by at least twenty-percent-"
"And I don't know how many times I have to tell you; I AM a Gator fan and I'm callin'-"
"Stoned to death. *laughter*"

The bass cannon continued to spew out incoherent audio clips, a string of voices and recordings that ranged from babbling gibberish to angry rants and tantrums. A verbal onslaught that made the very ground underneath the bass cannon crack from stress.

Both Octavia and Vinyl had their heads held in their hooves. "MAKE IT STOP!! PLEASE!!!"

Dan threw his head back and laughed, being used to absorbing useless information before. "HAHAHAHA! Admit it! You guys can't take a little-"

The bass cannon's whining whine grew louder, ignorant expression and useless drivel pouring out of it like a torrential downpour.

"Dan!" Twilight shouted. "Turn it off!"

"Uh..." Dan stammered. "Maybe you're-"

"NOW!"

Dan's triumphant smile quickly turned to concern. He scrambled to the bass cannon's controls and tried to shut it off. The buttons, nobs and dials were completely unresponsive. This was one mistake he would be hearing the end of one way or the other. The red FIRE button ejected from its socket, steam spouting from the hole.

"DAAAN!" Twilight screamed.

"LOOK OUT!" Vinyl shouted. "SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!" Ponies began fleeing the scene in terror.

"Hey, Vinyl?" Dan asked. "Is it too late to get those ear-"

The bass cannon exploded. A mushroom-shaped wub cloud appeared over Ponyville. Somewhere in Appleloosa, Braeburn asked, "Y'all hear that?"


Silence fell over Ponyville. In the aftermath of the atomic wubsplosion, no sound dared penetrate the noiseless atmosphere that befell the small town. It was so quiet for those few minutes there was no way of telling if even time continued to turn. Everything seemed to have stopped when the deafening blast exploded from the bass cannon. While nopony had been hurt from the blast, the entire town was disoriented.

Dan's ears rang as he leaned forward to a seated position on the ground. Pieces of the bass cannon were all around him but the device itself was largely intact. Other ponies, Vinyl and Octavia both got to their hooves as well. He saw their mouths moving but couldn't hear anything; the noise in his ears deafened him and even blurred his vision a tad. Shaking his head, he tried to get back in focus.

Twilight walked over to him as his senses began to return. "-ight, Dan? Dan?"

"Uaagh... for a second, I think, I tasted the bass," Dan said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I think ponies in Canterlot probably heard that..." Twilight commented. "At least the town's okay."

Dan looked around. Despite the massive wubsplosion, the town was still intact. No broken windows or structures, the devastation was but an echo that had faded into the distance.

"Of course the town's okay," Vinyl stated. "Like I said, I calibrated the bass cannon so it wouldn't affect the buildings in Ponyville."

Twilight sighed. "Well, that's a relief..."

"Yeah," Dan agreed. "But what about our house?"

Twilight opened her mouth to say something when the realization hit her. The purple princess's face went blank. Turning to the DJ, she saw Vinyl smiling back apologetically.

None of them could see it, but just down the block from where they sat was the remains of Twilight's library. Completely devoid of green, the tree house had been reduced to a pile of splintered wood, shaken apart by the intense volume of... volume. Leaves and Twilight's furniture were scattered about the landscape. Spike and Fluffle Puff were just barely able to escape unscathed.

Fortunately, Fluffle Puff's body and ears happen to be immune to sound being covered in fluff. The moment the onslaught of wubs began, the fluffy pony snatched up the baby dragon and initiated Evacuation Plan 14. Dan's drills actually paid off; Fluffle Puff quickly located the emergency grappling hook and jet pack, utilizing both to swing out of the second floor window and quickly ascend to a safe altitude of roughly fourteen-thousand feet. Fluffle Puff's execution of the plan was flawless and when the library came down, both she and a screaming Spike were far above Ponyville. Dan would have been proud to see Evacuation Plan 14's success.

"MY BASS CANNON!!" Vinyl Scratch shouted, running over to her wrecked machine. "It's okay, baby. Mommy's got you... there, there, it's gonna be all right," she wept, cradling the pieces of the former glorious noisemaker.

"Don't think this changes anything!" Dan shouted, pointing at the distraught mare. "That thing tore apart our house, my phone and our house again!"

"What about my bass cannon? You destroyed my baby all because you have bad taste!"

"BAD TASTE?!" Dan's face turned red. "I'M NOT THE ONE BLASTING HALF THE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH SOME POOR EXCUSE FOR A RINGTONE AT EIGHT IN THE MORNING!!"

"Poor excuse for a..." Octavia muttered, processing Dan's words.

"What did you just call my music?" Vinyl asked, glaring at Dan.

"All your bass cannon, any of YOUR music has ever sounded like to me was a bad ringtone! Believe me, where I come from, you hear a LOT of those. And all the wubs sound like is the SAME phone on vibrate multiplied about a hundred times!!"

"Well, at least my music is something ponies can dance to!" The DJ countered.

"Please, music from Earth would blow these ponies' MINDS if they ever heard it!"

Unblinking rage-filled eyes locked, the two were practically at each others' throats. Even Octavia backed away from the conversation.

"Hold up!" Chrysalis shouted, popping up between the white biped and slightly whiter quadruped. "Let's get this straight; you think you've got better taste in music?" she asked Vinyl.

"Naturally," the musical mare replied with a smile.

"And Dan, you think you've got the better taste in music?"

"Natru-lee" he said, mocking the DJ's tone.

"Then there's only one way to settle this," Chrysalis declared, getting up on her back hooves. "IT'S A DJ SPINOFF EVERYPONY!!"

Ponies in the street reacted immediately to the news. Excitement stirred in those that had taken refuge in the buildings during the first 'match'. The noise and violence had driven them inside but with Chrysalis' announcement came new enthusiasm. The few meandering about quickly became a crowd, murmuring of the news of a competition between DJs.

"A DJ spinoff?" Twilight asked. "I've never heard of this before."

Octavia stepped forward to explain. "A DJ spinoff is battle of the bands without the bands. Two DJs, two turntables and enough music to last all night. The song that gets the most ponies dancing is the winner, DJ with the most winning songs at dawn wins the spinoff."

"D-dawn?!" Twilight asked, shocked. She knew what was going to happen next; she was going to spend the whole night being forced to listen to loud music.

"Hold on a sec," Vinyl interrupted. "How's Dan gonna compete? Not that he stands a chance anyway but he's not even a DJ."

"What's to know?" Dan asked. "It's not like it's age magic. Anyone can be a DJ."

"Excuse me?!" Vinyl was taken aback. "I had to study for eight years to get my Ph.D in Wubology. I researched under MC Claw Hammer at Funk University in Manehattan and believe me, that's a tough school to get into."

"Actually," Octavia shyly spoke up. "You can do it online now."

Vinyl turned to her friend and tipped her shades down. "Come again?"

The gray mare rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof. "You can get a degree in Wubology and get your license as a DJ in about ten minutes online. Students can get a temporary license to use to gain experience while earning credits."

That remark left the DJ dumbfounded. "How did you find out about this? When did this happen, Tavi?!"

"There's actually an advertisement for it in our store. I put it up myself, thought it might help out business."

Dan smiled. "Excuse me guys, I think there's something I need to sign up for. Online."


It only took Dan five minutes to get a DJ learner's permit, much to Vinyl's dismay. The group waited for night to start the competition allowing Twilight and Chrysalis to return home to see the disaster.

"Twilight!" Spike shouted, standing outside the pile of rubble that was their house. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened, everything just went... smoosh."

"It's okay, Spike," Twilight said sadly, looking at the remains of her home. "The core of the tree is still intact. We can prop it back up, fix it in no time."

"Yeah," Chrysalis agreed. "We'll get Dan and Fluffle Puff and have the library back to normal before you know it."

The purple alicorn smiled with sorrowful eyes. "Of course. That's... what we do," she said, sounded exhausted.

The changling queen could see a bit deeper than the surface. "What's wrong, Twilight? It's not the tree, is it?"

"No... no, it's not," Twilight admitted. "It's everything that's happened with Vinyl, Trixie and... Dan. All my lessons about friendship, no one else is learning them. I wish there was just a way we could make Dan and Vinyl listen..."

The queen put a perforated hoof under Twilight's chin to lift her head. "Maybe we can."

Back at Wubway, the store had been converted into a dance hall. The two DJs took up positions at opposite ends of the building, two turntables ready for the showdown that was to come. Dan had some knowledge of audio equipment already, experience from having sabotaged a band's concert during an Arbor Day festival back on Earth. He felt he had done the world a favor, though.

Not being a part of the competition, Octavia approached Dan on the room's west side, just to the left of the entrance. There was already a crowd of ponies inside the building eagerly awaiting the festivities to come. It wasn't often two DJs fought it out; in fact, the last time was when Vinyl "battled" with Neon Lights.

"So... you're really going through with this?"

"That depends," Dan said, crouched down as he hooked up some wires. "Does Vinyl admit she's wrong about my music?"

"No..." Octavia answered.

Dan looked glanced back over his shoulder. "Then we're going through with this."

"Not even I agree with Vinyl on everything, Dan. She and I have different taste in music, too. I like classical pieces while she likes... dubstep. And punk. And metal," the gray mare cringed in slight disgust. "But we still live together and get along."

"Yeah, but did she insult your taste in music in front of you? In front of your friends?"

"Well, no, she's never done anything like tha-"

"Exactly," Dan said, standing and turning to her. "The only music she has respect for is her own! Well, I'm going to SHOW her how awesome music from Earth is and get the whole town dancing to a different tune!"

"Dan, I don't think she really insulted your music. I just don't think she has your taste in music, is all."

"Well, we'll just see how she likes the taste of defeat." Dan turned back around and returned to tinkering. His own turntable seemed to be a converted phonograph sitting atop a jukebox with two decrepit amplifiers next to it. Vinyl's own equipment was state-of-the-art, what Dan looked to be using appeared to be a fire hazard waiting to happen. Octavia shook her head and walked away from the young man. Whatever was the outcome of the night, she hoped the store would still be standing next morning.

Twilight and Chrysalis arrived back at the Wubway. They decided to take Spike and Fluffle with them in case Dan needed additional moral support or emergency medical attention. The "Grand Opening" banner over the store was replaced with one saying: "TONIGHT ONLY! DAN VS. DJ PON-3". Colored lights blared through the store windows illuminating the outside in rainbow strobes. The two almost had to shield their eyes as they entered.

"Everypony, welcome!!" Octavia's voice boomed through the intercom. In the center of the enormous dance floor that now dominated the store, a spotlight illuminated the gray mare. Two mobs of ponies extended from the walls on and on the east and west side were raised platforms containing Vinyl and Dan behind their respective turntables.

"In honor of Wubway's grand opening, we have a special event for you tonight! The legendary DJ PON-3 herself will engage in a spinoff with Ponyville's newest DJ, Dan!!" The spotlight split into two casting on Vinyl and Dan. The crowd cheered as both competitors bowed at their stations.

Spike nudged Twilight. "Who do you think's gonna be the winner?" As if on cue, the phonograph behind Dan's head shot out a gout of flames, nearly burning off the new DJ's hair. This only caused the crowd to applaud more, however.

Twilight knelt down to whisper in Spike's ear, "If we make it out of this, I'LL be the winner, Spike."

"All right, here's how we shall proceed! Two DJs, the best music that the two can come up with! At the end of the night, the DJ that got the most ponies dancing is the winner! The floor is set up with pressure sensors to calculate how many ponies are dancing at any time so if you like the song, stand up and show it!"

"Hmm," Spike said, scratching his cheek.

"What is it, Spike?"

"What if not everypony's hooves are touching the dance floor? Like what if some pegasi like dancing in midair?"

"I don't know, Spike," Twilight said, thinking about it herself. "Maybe it's something they didn't think about. Why? You think that could affect the contest?"

"Well, that and," Spike pointed to upward. "Fluffle Puff's stuck to the ceiling again."

"What?!" Twilight looked around. Fluffle Puff had somehow disappeared from right next to them and reappeared attached to the overhanging speaker system above the center of the dance floor. "How does she keep doing that?!" Twilight asked in exasperation. The purple dragon shrugged. Carefully and quietly, Twilight flew up to the ceiling to retrieve her friend.

"Without further ado, this is a DJ spinoff and we're all in it! Dan Vs. PON-3, DJs, spin it!!" Octavia shouted.

Vinyl's amps started blasting, vibrating the dance floor with the power of pony music. Ponies started dancing, storming the middle of the dance floor as the building was flooded with bass. Twilight returned the pink puff ball to the ground, wondering to herself if taping her hooves to the floor would be considered influencing the contest.

"So, what do we do now?" Chrysalis asked.

Spike donned a pair of shades. "Well, I don't know about you ladies but this dragon's gonna go get his groove on," he said, boogieing into the dance mob.

Twilight looked over to Fluffle and Chrysalis. "What about you guys?"

"I'm going to grab some punch. This looks to be a LONG night," Chrysalis said, walking off.

"Get some for me!" Twilight called after her over the music. "Make it a double!"

Before long, several songs had been played. Scoreboards in front of the turntables kept track of how many ponies were dancing. The scores were actually pretty even in the beginning with few ponies taking a seat from the action. Twilight and Chrysalis sat at a table off to the side, sipping punch as they both waited for the night to be over. Spike was busy having the time of his life crowd-surfing. While his clawed feet weren't on the floor, it probably didn't matter considering the score only kept track of ponies.

Fluffle Puff had apparently been set to 'vibrate'; the pink pony shook around the dance floor, gleefully letting the wubs carry her spinning around the room. Twilight lazily used her magic to grab the pony and put her back closer to the table whenever she came close to bumping in to any pony. Chrysalis was holding a pleasant conversation although Twilight wasn't really paying that close of attention.

"So, I was thinking of changing my image a little bit now that I'm starting to hang out with you and all," the changling queen said. "Maybe working on improving my reputation around town a bit, get a fresh start and start calling myself "Queen Chryssy". What do you think?"

Twilight sighed, sipping her punch. "Why are you still keeping the 'queen' title?" she asked, head propped up with her hooves.

"Well, I am still a changling queen. But I thought if I started going by something else, ponies might start taking a liking to me. Imagine it," she spread her hooves apart in the air. "Queen Chryssy. Kinda catchy, huh?"

"Sure," Twilight agreed sarcastically. "And maybe I can go by 'Princess Twily' like my brother calls me." Confound these musicians, Twilight thought to herself. They drive me to drink.

Fluffle Puff moved up to the table next to Twilight. The purple mare shot the hairy ball a glance, her bored expression impenetrable. Fluffle smiled and then blew a bubble gum bubble; the bubble expanded to twice the size either mare's head before exploding and getting all over her. Quickly, the puff ball gobbled the gum off of her face and resumed pleasantly chewing.

Twilight sighed heavily. "Fluffle Puff's been eating the gum under the table again."

Chrysalis ducked her head to look under the table and then quickly popped back up. "I don't think so. Fluffle Puff only eats watermelon-flavored gum. She must've gotten it from under the bench."

"Why? How do you know the bench has watermelon-flavored gum stuck to the bottom of it?"

"Well, because half of the bench has been eaten," Chrysalis said, looking over her shoulder. Twilight picked her head up to see across the room. A small bench for ponies to sit was propped up against the wall but half of it was gone, enormous bite marks where a portion of it used to be.

Twilight looked over to Fluffle Puff. "Did you eat the bench?"

The pink mare responded by blowing another huge bubble. Instead of exploding, this one broke off from the mare's mouth. Fluffle grabbed the end and tied a string around it, making a balloon and then tying it to Twilight's hoof. Twilight peered inside the translucent sphere that somehow stayed aloft to see pieces of a bench inside. The purple mare facetabled.

Fluffle grabbed Twilight's hoof and pulled it downward.

"I think Fluffle's thirsty now," Chrysalis said.

Without lifting her head, Twilight pushed a juice box over to Fluffle Puff.

Chrys reached out a hoof. "No! Fluffle Puff can't use straws because of her drinking problem!"

Twilight lifted her head up. "Drinking problem?"

Fluff grabbed the juice box by the straw and just like that, it happened. The juice immediately traveled up the straw and into her fur. The small amount of liquid was instantly absorbed by the puff ball mare, bloating her. She lost her balance and rolled, sloshing on the ground like a sponge.

Chrysalis got up and walked over to her. Grabbing Fluffle, she squeezed the puff ball over a cup, letting the punch drain out of her. After she was completely drained, Fluffle drank the juice out of the cup. Twilight stifled the urge to throw up.

"Hey guys," Spike said, walking over. "I think we might have a problem."


"What now?" Twilight asked, voice heavy with apathy. "Is the building coming down?"

"No, worse," Spike thumbed over his shoulder. "Dan's falling behind in the scores."

Twilight and the others looked up to the scoreboard. As Spike had said, Dan's score was trailing behind DJ PON-3's by quite a few points. While the quality and variation of the songs played did have something to do with the difference, so did experience. Vinyl was a professional DJ capable of reading the crowd and playing songs based on the projected mood of the evening. While Dan had a rudimentary understanding of this concept after taking the online class, DJ PON-3 was applying it to the next level. The DJ unicorn had the entire night planned from the beginning while Dan was just playing song after song. The results of Vinyl's strategizing were plain to see.

"How is that a problem?" Twilight asked. Despite that Dan was her friend and living with her, she didn't see how the contest would affect her.

"Well, for one, if Dan loses, he'll probably keep studying to be a DJ," Spike predicted.

Twilight looked over to Dan at his turntable. While trying to spin the record on the phonograph, he tripped and fell. "It does look like he could use the lessons."

"Yeah," Spike continued. "And he'll keep taking those online courses."

"Good for him," Twilight remarked, taking a sip of punch, not noticing it was Fluffle Puff's cup.

"Which means he'll probably be studying at home. At our house."

Twilight's eyes went wide. She spat the juice out of her mouth, spraying the space in between Spike and Chrysalis. A pony nearby slid in the spilled juice, nearly falling over. Fluffle Puff quickly ran over to soak up aforementioned liquid.

"Quick! We have to do something to make sure Dan wins!" Twilight shouted, panicking. "Otherwise... we may never hear the end of it! Or anything else ever again!!"

"I have an idea!" Chrysalis shouted. She ran over to Dan's turntable; he was still getting up from when he slipped and fell.

"Chrys? What is it? You want to make a request?"

"Umm," Chrys thought. "Yes. You think you can play a soothing song? Maybe something... classical?"

"Classical? What, like Enya?" Dan asked.

"Uh no, that is, I mean... something slower... you know," Chrys said, trying to lead him. "Something ponies can dance to a little bit... closer together."

"So, like Enya?"

Back at the table, Twilight continued to panic. "It's not working!" She eyed the scores. Vinyl's lead was almost commanding and she didn't look to be slowing down.

"I have an idea!" Spike said.

"What, Spike?!"

"Look! Fluffle Puff is on the ceiling again!" he pointed.

"AGAIN?!" Twilight spread her wings to ascend and retrieve her when Spike pulled her leg.

"Wait! We can use this!"

Twilight turned to him. "Use what? What are you talking about?!"

The purple dragon held up a flashlight. "Oh..."

Meanwhile at Dan's turntable, Chrysalis had not made progress. "Do you need me to spell it out for you?!"

Dan shrugged. "I know how to spell 'Enya'!" Chrysalis facehooved. Suddenly, the strobe effects died. The colored spot lamps, everything turned off. Even the music died.

"What? What's going on?" Vinyl asked, checking her equipment. On the ceiling, a bright light began to glow. As if a disco ball suddenly affixed itself to the roof, a swirl of twinkling lights spread out across the room illuminating everything in a soft, pink glow.

"This is it, Dan!" Chrys shouted. "Play a slow song now!"

"Right!" he said, cycling the tracks on his phone's memory card. "I think I have at least two songs by Enya..."

"GRRRRRRRRRR!!!" Chrysalis growled. Using her magic, she levitated the phone card out of his hands and over to her. Ponies in the audience murmured wondering where the music was. Chrysalis cycled through the songs on Dan's phone card as fast as she could, searching for something to fit the mood. Finally, she found one and hit play.

"There!"

Slowly, the music pumped through the amplifiers. No bass, no beats, no funk or rock, no hip-hop, rap, dubstep, wubstep or anything in between, nothing came out of the speakers but the smooth sound of the saxophone. It just so happened, Dan's phone happened to contain an extended cover/remix of the romantic track from the game Star Fox Adventures, including quite possibly the smoothest jazz instrumental ever based off a song from a Gamecube game.

All across the dance floor, ponies began to give in to the epic mellowness of the sax, melting into couples that danced together. Even those who were sitting down and resting rose to take part in the romantic respite from party music. Dan's score skyrocketed.

Holding Fluffle Puff in place and spinning her, Twilight saw Dan's score. "It's working! It's actually working!" Using Fluffle Puff as a disco ball to encourage an overly sappy mood and having Dan play a matching song was working to their advantage. Vinyl's music was geared to hoof-pumping parties, jamming out, not prom-style partner dancing. Powerless, DJ PON-3 found herself outside of her element. In some odd way, it was like watching one of Octavia's concerts. All she could do was sit back and listen.

Unfortunately, not all were comfortable with this. Fluffle Puff's nose started to itch. Quivering, she scrunched her face as she tried to alleviate the irritation. To no avail; the mare closed her eyes tight and sneezed, accidentally coughing up the flashlight illuminating her. The spat-out light flew towards Dan's turntable, landing inside the phonograph's projector. The device shook and then ceased to function.

Being an expert engineer, Dan immediately tried to effect repairs on the music box the only way he knew how: hitting it. Smacking the side caused the phonograph to shake. It then blasted out the flashlight; the light flew across the dance floor, now on fire somehow, and collided with Vinyl's amplifier. The flashlight burned a hole in the speaker and destroyed it, causing it to fall over. Vinyl was able to escape the destruction of her audio equipment as Spike ran over with a fire extinguisher.

The store lights flipped on over head, illuminating the destruction. The dancing ponies erupted into indignant outcry, transitioning from dance mob to confused mob in an instant. If something was not done quickly, they would complete the mutation into angry mob and then the pitchforks and torches would come. Twilight had seen this before. She didn't know what to do, hanging above the pack of partiers holding her puffy friend. Fluffle recoiled into her own fluff becoming an impenetrable ball of pony. In this state, she was invincible but unfortunately, that didn't include Twilight. Sweating nervously and trying to hold on, Twilight dangled like a piece of meet over a school of raving sharks.

"Not good... not good," Chrysalis said, looking around. Dan's score was still behind Vinyl's. If the party was over...

The silence was quickly replaced by the voices of the partiers complaining.

"What? Is that it?"

"AWW! I wanted to get my request in..."

"The party's over already? I thought it was supposed to go all night..."

"We didn't even get to the GOOD music!"

"Does anypony know when the raffle starts?"

"Michael, there's not going to be a raffle."

"Then why did that guy out front sell me all these tickets?"

"Can I get a list of those tracks for a Rock Band mod?"

"This is the worst night ever! I should've stayed home!"

"I have large beet-lover's pizza with extra hay bacon for the... 'Cutie Mark Crusaders'? Is this a joke?"

The noise quickly became a roar that filled the building. Ponies stood, meandered and searched for the source of the lack of tunes. Most only noticed the alicorn holding a poofy sphere on the ceiling.

"Dan!" Chrys shouted. "We have to do something! If there's no music, they don't dance. If they don't dance, they don't kiss and fall in love and I'm history."

"I don't know what to do!" Dan shouted back. "The whole system's fried! Wash, soap, rinse, spin, it's all unresponsive!"

Chrys walked right up to the young man on the platform. He stood up to look at her and for a moment, it was just them behind the turntable and ruined audio equipment. But she knew what she had to do. "Does the speaker system still work?"

"Yeah but I don't think we have anything that can-"

"Do you have a mic?" she asked.

Dan scratched his neck. "I..."

"Yo, Chrysalis!" somepony from the audience shouted. The two looked up to see who it was but Chrys was forced to catch a microphone that somepony threw at her.

"Dan, can you hook this up?" she asked. The young man smiled back at her, knowing what she was about to do for him. "Good, now all we need is for the-"

The lights turned off again but the strobes didn't pick up. No disco ball, no effects lights, not even a single glow wand illuminated the darkness. A spotlight appeared on the dance floor and slowly panned over across the crowd to shine on Queen Chrysalis. She levitated the mic up to her with a spell, ready.

"What song should I pick?" Dan asked, about to suggest a song for her.

The queen smiled. "I think I know one."

From the moment you step inside(step inside, step inside)
It feels like you wanna hide(wanna hide, wanna hide)
But in every single space, every corner of the room
There's no escaping the melody of that haunting tune
You can't get it out of your head
It fills you with fear and dread
But there's something you can do instead
Just remember what I said...
Sometimes, they're not playing your song
But you can still sing along
(sing along, sing along)
You can still sing along
(sing along, sing along)

What other people listen to might seem like noise
but if you listen for yourself, you can discover the joys
Of all the music and that songs that are around
So many different tunes and so many sounds
It might not seem like it but it's true
You can try out something new
And find out that you like it, too
But if not, here's what you can do...
Sometimes, you don't like the song
But you can still sing along

It's so easy to get stuck inside the norms...
But music comes in so many different styles and forms!
Some songs might not make you want to get up and dance...
Sometimes though, they just need a second chance!
We all have different likes and different preferences...
A lot of times, we get so wound up, we can't hear the differences!
But if you take the time to stop and listen...
You just might find there's something that you're missin'!

While it might be true that our world is small,
Don't think for a second you've experienced it all
And while you don't have to give everything a second try
You might find out what you missed when you passed it by
All the things you've prejudged, passed on, ignored
Are just samples of things to be explored
You might think you already know
Where something is gonna go
But if you listen, it can show
There's more to it now... and so...

To you, the music might sound wrong
But you can still sing along(sing along, sing along)
You don't have to dance all night long
But you can still sing along(sing along, sing along)
You can still sing alonggggg...
You can still sing along!

Eyes closed, Chrys lowered her mic. No music followed; another song didn't pick up when hers ended but it didn't have to. The whole room was filled with applause. Ponies cheered, stomped their hooves and hollered. If Fluffle Puff, who had been coaxed out of her shell-puff during the song was clapping her hooves. So much so she caused Twilight to drop her and fall into the crowd below but thankfully the partiers caught her and began using her as a beach ball. The poof-ball enjoyed herself.

Twilight looked at Dan's scoreboard, about the only piece of equipment working aside from the speakers. Although it wasn't a song Dan chose, Chrysalis had sung it using Dan's sound system making all the points resulting from it his. The scores were tied.

"Drat..." Twilight said. "I hope he'll be okay with a tie."

"Um, Twilight?" Spike said underneath her. "You could help Dan's score right now."

Twilight practically facehooved again. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"By landing."

"Oh." Twilight blushed, recovered and quickly landed. Dan's scoreboard ticked one more time, elevating his score above Vinyl's by a single point.

The applause picked up again and the lights resumed.

"Dan, you won!" Chrysalis said, hugging the dark-haired biped.

"I did! I DID IT!!" he shouted, hugging her back. They quickly broke the embrace, realizing they were in front of everypony in town. "Where's Vinyl?"

"Down here!" DJ PON-3 called. Approaching Dan's stand was Vinyl Scratch minus her shades. She put them on her brow brandishing her red eyes as she clapped for the two. "Good job, Dan!"

Dan just stared back at the DJ. For a moment, Chrysalis thought he was preparing to say something scathing, but he just smiled back. "Thanks, Vinyl. You, too."

"Fillies and gentlecolts, we have a winner!" a voice spoke over the loudspeaker system. Everypony looked to the center of the room to see Octavia holding another microphone. "The first-ever official Wubway DJ Spinoff is over! The winner is: DJ Dan!!"

Dismounting the platform, Dan walked over to her through the crowd. Clapping and back-pats greeted him as he made his way over to Octavia. Vinyl appeared beside the gray mare too as well as Fluffle Puff, Spike and Twilight. Chrysalis followed him, happy to have helped her dear friend win the competition.

"Congratulations, Dan," Vinyl said, extending a hoof. Dan took it and shook; his grin couldn't have been bigger. Even Twilight applauded, tears practically in the princesses' eyes. They were friends again.

Octavia pulled out a thin piece of paper. "On behalf of Wubway Partners LLC, we'd like you to have this twenty-five bit gift certificate redeemable at any official Wubway store!"

Dan accepted the small certificate. "Thanks... but this doesn't really fix my-" A photographer interrupted him. The group turned to face the camera as a flash captured their delighted faces and Dan's perplexed hesitation.

"Thanks for coming everypony! Good night!" Octavia announced. The partiers began to depart in one loud, massive drove, talking amongst themselves as they exited.

"-phone..." Dan quietly finished, looking down.

Vinyl put a hoof on his back. "It's okay, Dan. We can get your phone fixed at Radio Barn. My treat."

"Hey... thanks," Dan said, smiling back at her. The two followed the end of the crowd out the doors.

"So, why did you go with "DJ Dan" as your DJ name?" Vinyl asked.

Dan shrugged. "Seemed to fit at the time."

"You couldn't think of anything more... I dunno, unique?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "How many other 'Dan's' do you know in Equestria?"

Vinyl rubbed her chin. "Good point. Hey, you wanna know how I chose DJ PON-3?"

"How?"

She snickered. "All right, you're gonna love this. The number three looks like an 'E' spelled backwards, right?"

"Right..." Dan narrowed his eyes skeptically.

"Well, I put P-O-N in front of it and it's like it spells PON-E! Like pony! So I'm a DJ pony! Get it?" she giggled. "Pretty clever, huh?"

Dan chuckled. "Yeah, pretty clever. For somepony just learning their abc's and how to count to ten."

Vinyl stopped in her tracks, pouting. "Hey! I thought it was clever! So did Octavia!"

Dan turned back as he walked, shrugging and grinning at her. "Well, if you think that's 'clever', I can recommend some online classes you both might find pretty interesting too!" he said, exiting the building.

The DJ pony frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?! Dan! DAN!!" she chased after him.

Twilight, Spike, Chrysalis, Fluffle and Octavia began making their own way towards the exit. The sun was beginning to come up as they walked out the front doors, the beginning of a new day.

"Wow... can't believe we spent the whole night dancing," Spike remarked. Fluffle 'pbthh'd' in agreement.

"I'm just glad it's all over," Twilight said, exhaling.

Chrysalis let out a deep breath as well. "Me, too."

Twilight looked over to her taller changling friend. Something about her had... changed. Not her appearance or something she controlled magically. Something deeper. But what? The purple princess looked into the dark queen's eye, noticing her clearly occupied expression. It reminded her a lot of herself, actually but not entirely. There was something about that look she'd seen before. Could she really be...?

"You really care a lot about Dan, don't you?" Twilight asked.

Chrys nodded solemnly. "I do. He's a good friend. A good..." she paused for a second as if realizing something before saying, "person."

Twilight opened her mouth to inquire more when Spike interjected. "You really saved him when you sang that song, Chrysalis. You think him and Vinyl are okay now?"

"I think they'll be all right," Octavia commented.

"How can you be so sure?" Chrys asked.

Octavia grinned. "Who do you think it was that tossed you that microphone?"

Both Chrys and Twilight almost gasped, then laughed.

"Well, maybe now that the two of them have stopped arguing, things will be a bit quieter around here," Octavia said.

Chrysalis looked up to the sky as if seeing something beyond the clouds and listening for it. "Somehow,... I doubt it."


...

.....hello? Yes, it's me.

...

If she's so smart, than why is this taking so long? I was sure she would've made the connection by now.

...

I know but you'd think she would've at least taking a look at it by now. I mean, she lives in a library.

...

Well, maybe I'm just not as patient as you. I think a little more direct intervention might be necessary.

..?

Actually, I was thinking you.

...

Like I said, when the time comes, I'll let you know. For now, we'll just have to wait and see.

...

I can see why she liked you. Then again, they tell me I have... odd tastes. I guess that makes us two of a kind, huh?

....!...?

I have to get going now. I'll have the pieces of the bass cannon delivered to the usual spot. Keep in mind what I said...
Mr. Director.

Outro- Closing Theme
Parody of 'Just the two of us'- Bill Withers

You see us walking down the street
We're not the type you'd like to meet
But if you greet us, we'll still say hello

We may not have been here all that long
Once in a while, we're in the wrong
But when squee goes down, we're the ones you want to know

Just don't screw with us
Don't mess around, don't even try
Just don't screw with us
(Just don't screw with us)

Jussssst don't screw with us
You can't cross us, you won't get by
Just don't screw with us
That's good advice

We don't always fit in with folks in town
But when trouble comes around
You'll be glad that we're all here

Some people still don't see the signs
They come here, cross a couple lines
But we still try to make things clear

Rule Number-One: Just Don't Screw with Us
Don't mess around, don't even try
Just don't screw with ussss
(Just don't screw with us)

Jussssst Don't Screw With Us!
Unless your name is Pinkie Pie!
Still, don't screw with us.
That's no lie.

This is the part with the saxophone, songs sound better with saxophone solos
That's why we added this part with the sax-o-phonnnnnneeee
This is the instrumental portion, I hope that we made it clear somehow
But if it wasn't clear before, I'm sure it's- clear- now!

You see us walking down the street
We're not the types you want to meet
But when you call on us, we sure to get the job done

We might not be what you expect
Celestia knows, we're not perfect
But you can still join us for the fun

Just don't screw with us
Don't mess around, don't even try~
Just don't screw with us
(Just don't screw with us)

Jusssst don't screw with us!
Alright, maybe Derpy or Fluttershy, the rest
Don't screw with us
HEY WHAT DID I JUST SAY, YOU GUYS?!

Just Don't Screw With Us~
Yes, that's what I said, but you're just repeating the chorus and-
Jusssssssttt Don't Screwwww With Usssssssss!
It's passive-aggressive, baby
Why does Spike have the deep voice in this?
Jussst, Don't Screw With Ussss~
We can make it, just don't screw with us~
Yeah, that's what the song is about, but I'm serious
Just don't screw with us~
Hey, the saxophone is back
Just don't screw with us~
We can make it, just don't screw with us
Okay... fine. As long as you get the message. We'll see you all next week, okay now? BYE.
We'll be back soon. And next time, we do it right!

~Fin~


Next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship...

"I don't care if it's just going to be a short trip; I still want to go with you."

"I'm just taking the train to Canterlot, Dan. I don't think it'll be that exciting."

Get ready... for the ride of your life!

"Wot the hay are you blokes doin' on mai trayn?"

Guest starring Ozzy Osbarn

"I think the conductor might actually be angrier than you, Dan."

"What makes you say that, Pinkie?"

"Did I say you could get up?! What does the sign say mother bucker?!"

And Samule L. Jackson

"I dunno. Just a hunch."

Next Saturday, Dan's going off the rails!

"We need to hit the brakes!"

"There are no brakes! Only cakes!"

"Why would they replace the brakes with cakes?!"

"That is IT! I have HAD IT with these MOTHER BUCKING CAKES on this MOTHER BUCKING TRAIN!"

Dan Vs. The Crazy Train

It's a non-stop trip to ins-Danity next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!

"No, seriously, what are you blokes doin' on mai trayn?"

Only on FIMFiction.net

Author's Note:

I hope you all enjoy this story and the episodes to come. It's going to be a 26-episode series with plenty of fun. I hope to one day have the entire series animated, voice acted and broadcasted.

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