• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Rad: Loot-iest Pet Shop

Dan had to be a little more than encouraged to stay. First, he just made a dead sprint for the gates while they were still open. Cap was able to grab and contain him long enough for the donkeys to close them. Naturally, Dan tried to climb the wall next, but the fact that it was a solid, vertical stone wall was enough to ensure he didn't make much progress. After the fourth time he slid back down again, he accepted his current circumstances.

"So, how many donkeys are there?"

"Just us," Captain Lucid replied. "The rest of the army has been redeployed to various other tactical positions, including our reserves. We were left behind to watch the wall."

"Okay..." Dan clapped his hands together, preparing to get to work. "We're screwed."

Rarity stepped forward. "Excuse me, Sir Lucid?"

"Yes, miss?"

"You said that there was an army on its way here..." Rarity said, looking around, specifically behind her. "They're on the other side of the wall? Meaning this side?"

Lucid nodded. "Yes, Vice Grip's army. Armored dog soldiers from what we've seen. They're riding on some sort of rapid siege weapons, bikes or something."

"How long until they get here?" Cap asked.

The donkey looked over his shoulder to a dust cloud gathering in the distance. "Probably not long."

"What defenses does the town have?" Dan asked. "And/or hiding spots. I'm not ruling out trying to trick them until they just go away- this is Vice Grip's army we're talking about."

"There's just us. The wall is the town's only defensive measure. Seriously, you see how big that thing is? There wasn't anything left in the defense budget after building something that thing," Lucid explained.

As Lucid said that, a trio of figures jumped across the rooftops in the distance. Two men dressed as clowns chased a third man, a scuba diver in a blue tuxedo, across the top of pizza parlor. One of the clowns tripped on a loose shingle and fell to the ground.

"I see you've got your own lunatics, too."

Lucid rubbed his blue-beareded chin. "Actually, the clown on the ground was here before the world ended. No idea about the other two guys, though. But yeah, there's some raiders that have taken up residence near here." Glass shattered in the distance, a dog barked and there were faint sounds of gun fire after that, then silence.

Dan frowned and shook his head. "Oh, I can already tell this place is going to be FUN. Alright, you need help defending your town? Well, it turns out you're speaking to the guy who's number-one at home defense."

"Though you did blow up the last town you tried to defend," Phoenix reminded him. "But that was on purpose."

"Thank you Nicky, for that valuable input," he said through gritted teeth. "The point is, I will gladly help you defend your town."

"Oh, thanks, that's great because we really-"

"However!" Dan spun around, started pacing, "I will need you to do absolutely everything I say when I say it. Are we clear?"

The donkeys looked at each other. No one in Dan's party blamed them.

"I said, ARE WE CLEAR?!"

Lucid shrugged. "Eh, sure, whatever."

"That's the spirit! Now, point me to the armory."

"The armory's been looted," Lucid said.

"Gun store?" Dan asked.

"Looted."

"Hardware store? Used appliance retailer? Electronics shop?"

Lucid shook his head. "Looted, looted, looted and burned down. And then looted again."

Dan rubbed his chin, thinking for a moment. "Pet store?"

"Right this way," Lucid said, and began leading them into town.

True to its name, New Troy looked more like an ancient city than a modern-day one. A few smaller storefronts and buildings were wood but most were stone, supported on huge columns and solid platforms. Some of the buildings had an architecture similar to Ponyville and Manehattan, while others resembled buildings on Earth, primarily Texas and New Mexico. If any of them had been expecting an Appleloosa 2.0, it was clear now to see they had been pretty off.

In fact, new troy was pretty surprising to all of them. The streets were paved, at least the main ones, not dirt or sand. The railroad continued running right through the town but there were other rails as well. Four different types of faded colors were painted on the various rails aside from the main ones, each denoting a different track.

"This is the biggest pet shop in town," Lucid said, leading them inside.

"You're sure we can't see the littlest pet shop?" Phoenix asked.

"Oh yeah, like we'd get anything useful from the littlest pet shop, Nicky."

The lawyer shrugged. "Might make a good crossover."

There were no pets in the pet store, having been evacuated already, but the store had not been looted. That would probably change if the city was left in its current state, but for now, it served Dan's purposes. He instructed everyone to carry as much as they could out of the store. Cat litter, dog food, alligator treats, replacement tortoise shells, cages, containers, anything heavy they could move. Dan himself went after specific chemicals- cleaners, removers, things that were either highly toxic, flammable or both.

"Not a bad haul," Dan remarked. "See, Nicky? Biggest pet shop in town."

"It definitely had plenty of variety," Phoenix remarked, setting an aquarium fish tank on top of another. The fish had also been evacuated; every nation in the world of magic and ponies respected and loved pets, and would not leave any behind. There were several cardboard cutouts of Blythe, Pepper and Minka, stars from the Littlest Pet Shop show, but no one in the group recognized them.

Lucid and another donkey wheeled a rail cart up to the side of the pet shop.

"Sorry we have to push it. The power's been shutdown since everybody left."

"Well, here's an idea," Dan said, "The power's shutdown, right?"

"Yeah?"

"The cart won't move without power, right?"

"Yeah?"

"TURN THE POWER BACK ON JACKASS!"

"Yeah! I mean, right! Johnson!" He turned to one of the other donkguards, "Go to the power plant and turn the generators back on!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Take Ronson with you!"

"Yessir!"

Doctor Whooves tapped his chin. "You're being awfully cooperative with us, aren't you?" He examined the yellow donkey with his inquisitive Timelord pony eyes. "One might even say a little TOO cooperative."

Lucid nodded. "This is a royal guard operation. Captain Dan is the ranking officer, isn't he? You are all guards, aren't you?"

"Nicky and I are," Dan was quick to chime in. "Steve and Chris as well. The rest, more or less volunteers. I guess I can deputize them."

"Hmmm-hmmmm," Whooves said. "So, that's all there is to it? Following the chain of command?" Lucid nodded again, a little wide-eyed. "How do I know you're not lying?" the Doctor asked.

"I'd know if they were lying," Phoenix said. "Or if they were hiding anything."

"Is that so, Phoenix Wright?" Whooves asked, accusingly. He spun around and levied his inquisitive gaze upon the lawyer. "And how exactly are you able to do that?"

Before Phoenix could explain, Dan placed his palm between the Doctor and the lawyer. Specifically, he placed it on the Doctor's face. "Doc. Rail cart. Push. Now."

Whooves grinned sheepishly. "I'll take your word for it."

"Good idea." As they pushed the cart away towards the next pet shop, a pair of tiny ears poked out of the entrance to the first one. The hot dog foodimal had apparently made friends; not all the occupants of the town had fully evacuated. More foodimals joined the hot dog as it followed Dan and the others, soon becoming a skittering, prrring crowd of adorables trekking behind them.

Author's Note:

Short update again, recovering from bronchitis. Getting better though. There are no plans at this point to involve the characters from Littlest Pet Shop, but the foodimals are here to stay.

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