"Yes, sir," the technician said, adjusting the display.
Vice leaned forward in his command throne, eyes fixated on the holographic projections. It was difficult managing and micromanaging events on one planet while simultaneously preparing to invade another. All these developments, every possibility had to be accounted for by him personally. There was no detail they could afford to let escape them. Unfortunately, nopony ever told them that something always would.
Or someone.
"Hnn-hnn-hmmm!"
The creepiest thing about the Director had to be her laugh. It was a high, trill cackle that actually ended higher than it began. Like the sharp giggle of a witch or that first orange ghost in the foyer of Luigi's Mansion. The kind of thing you're afraid of hearing when you're alone at night.
The Enclave ponies looked around, trying to see where the laugh had come from. Every spine in the operations center suddenly felt like it had been spiked with ice water. Vice Grip, though, was able to tell it had come not from any place on the floor but rather from above.
The shadowy form of the Director dropped from the ceiling and landed right in front of Vice Grip, between him and the tactical holoprojection table. He landed almost like a liquid shadow, an ethereal shape that seemed to be made of part smoke, part water and form into a solid in the instant it stood. Its eyes were also focused on the display, back towards Vice Grip.
"You know they're dead, right?"
Vice immediately stood, unsure of whether to step forward or back. He chose the former. "What are you talking about? The Saddle Arabians?"
"No," the Director said, his/her sounding very much like that of a teenager. "The zebras. And it's pretty sad, too; I liked Zeal's crew."
"What do you mean, "dead?" Vice pushed over to her side, moving him by the shoulder so he could see the display. "They just conquered Oasis City. They're perfectly fine!"
"Oh, how quickly victors become vanquished," the Director mused.
Vice grabbed it by the shoulders and spun it around. It was difficult to look into the Director's milky-white pupil-less eyes but he fought his discomfort. "ENOUGH with the riddles. What do you mean Zeal's army is dead? What's going to happen to them? A counterattack?"
"Kinda," the Director replied. His form shifted, almost melting into smoke and slipping from Vice Grip's grasp. The cloaked pony-creature stepped in front of the display, forcing Vice to simply turn and watch. He reached out a sickly-white hand and the holoprojection shifted. The Enclave technician stepped away silently.
The holographic display zoomed outward, showing a larger geographic landscape of the capital of Saddle Arabia, Oasis City. The desert stretched out and around the city in all directions with only a few railroads and beaten paths between the sloping dunes to indicate civilization. Like Equestria, Saddle Arabia was a small country with only a few towns and villages populating the otherwise wild landscape. Oasis City rose out of the sand like a mirage in the center of the desert, a massive castle made of sand-colored stone and special crystal ceramic that resembled a crown. Aptly named, the Mirage Palace was the center hub with the rest of the city expanding outward like a wheel. Water pooled up from a massive well in the center of the palace, feeding aquifers throughout the city. But at the moment, it was dry.
"Zebropolis is about eighty miles back the way they came and Zeal's army cut the rail lines," the Director said, pointing to the display.
"And?" Vice asked. "General Zen Zeal isn't an idiot. He knows his army needs supplies, water, food."
"Yeah, but he didn't bring enough," the Director plainly stated.
Vice set his jaw, annoyed. "And you know this… how?"
The Director spooled the projection display outward further. It switched from a geographic display to an astrologic one, showing the entire solar system of Equestria.
"Because of that," she pointed to the sun.
"The sun?" Vice asked. "Zeal no doubt is aware his troops need water. If for whatever reason his attack failed, it's likely he brought enough supplies with him to make the trip back to his home country. They're smart and like me, like all of us, they would have calculated this."
The Director smirked. She spooled the display back to the view of Oasis City. "Probably didn't calculate that, though."
Again, Vice was looking at the city. "Calculate what? What are you talking about?!" he yelled. He was frustrated, angry that the Director didn't share the same confidence he and the rest of FIST, the rest of the Enclave, the rest of his entire empire had, enraged that this creature kept things from him and absolutely furious it somehow seemed to delight when his plans backfired and didn't plan on telling him why. His metallic hands balled into fists.
The Director gestured towards the city. "Celestia's troops were the last to evacuate the city. They sabotaged the aquifers, wells and waterways before they did. The temperature of the climate around Oasis City has been steadily increasing since the zebras invaded and now they're in a foreign capital without water."
Vice suddenly felt concern grip him. "Increasing?"
"Yup," she said, smiling. "And the zebras may have brought enough water with them for the trip there and back but at the current temperature. Celestia's stopped the sun at high noon ever since the zebras attacked and she's created a solar corridor over Oasis City. They have no way to replenish their water supplies and it will take them at least three days to get back to even the outskirts of the Zebra Kingdom."
Vice gulped hard. "But… but that means…"
"The zebras are currently searching the city, exhausting their water supplies fairly quickly. It's likely they've only just started to notice but it's too late to do anything about it. The air's drying out and so is the ground. At the current rate Celestia's increasing the sun's rays, they'll die of thirst in under ten hours. Twelve tops," the Director said.
"No… no, that can't happen!" Vice said. "She wouldn't do that! SHE CAN'T DO THAT!!"
The Director chuckled. "Well, she did. Guess there's a reason nopony messes with the princesses."
Vice thought quickly. There had to be something he could do to save his allies. The arcanists ALWAYS pulled some sort of crap like this but there was ALWAYS a way out of it. He had to think. Technology always provided answers, science would not be trumped by magic. There was a solution to this and he would find it, somehow.
It came to him. Celestia wasn't the only one who could control the sun; his Magic Gears were capable of moving it as well, as demonstrated in Ponyville last Hearth's Warming. If she could move the sun, he could reposition it. "Activate one of the nearest Magic Gears!" Vice commanded. The Enclave ponies at their terminals immediately went into action, gearing up the controls of the mechanized army. "What units are available? Get me direct control over the first ready unit!"
"All your Magic Gears are engaged," the Director said calmly. "They're all preparing to launch against Earth, remember? Even if you did move the sun back, it would probably only buy them a few hours at the most. Not enough time to get out of Oasis. And with the rail lines cut and the airships gone, they're pretty much stuck there. Whole new definition to the term sand trap, right?" she laughed.
Vice did not laugh. He was too overcome with fear. Not for himself but for his zebra allies. "G-get me a direct line with General Zeal! Contact him immediately!"
"The solar radiation is ionizing the atmosphere around Oasis City, blocking all signals in our out."
Vice sat back down in his command chair. He rubbed his metallic hands to his muzzle and over his eyes. "The Flutterbirds." He keyed the comms system on his chair. "Scramble Flutterbird assault wings two and three to Oasis City now! Deploy Hydra Squadron to evacuate General Zen Zeal and his officers!!"
The Enclave technician at the Flutterbird station keyed her controls. "Ops to flight control, priority one alert- authorization code: steel glove."
"Authorization confirmed, flight control responding."
"Flight control, mobilize groups four-thru-eight for immediate launch."
"Roger, ops."
Klaxons blared on the tarmac just north of the Steel Palace. The assembled fleet of Flutterbirds and larger attack craft were illuminated by the red lights and blaring alarms on the runway. Enclave flight crew ponies galloped, flew and teleported into position, manning the 'birds while still donning their own equipment. The pilots took to the controls and one by one, the Flutterbirds opened their butterfly-like wings and took to the sky. With military timing and precision only capable by the Storm Enclave, two full wings, one-hundred and twenty of the Flutterbird assault aircraft took to the skies in the direction of the Saddle Arabian capital.
"Assault groups two and three are in the air, sir," the technician responded.
"How long until they reach Oasis City?" Vice asked, gripping his chair.
"Three hours at present speed, sir."
"Good… good," Vice breathed a sigh of relief. "Their mission is to retrieve General Zen Zeal and his army. They'll most likely need water and medical attention. Inform the squadron leaders of their priorities."
"Yes, sir."
The Director adjusted the holographic projector again. It switched to a view of the Crystal Empire. Tiny holographic versions of the Flutterbird squadrons flew off to the east in formation like a flock of birds. He smiled at the display. "Ninety-nine red balloons go by…"
"Please…" Vice pressed two metal fingers to his temple, "get away from the holomap. Just, just leave. Please?"
The Director turned to him slowly, still smiling innocently.
Vice looked up. "What? Is there something you want? What?!"
"They're still not gonna make it…"
The scientist's fists balled again. He stood angrily. "You. Are going. To tell me. HOW to save them. Now."
"You don't get to control me, my little pony." The Director pulled back her hood. "I get to control you."
Vice's eyes went wide. His boots stepped backwards, as if pulled by some invisible force. "You… it… it can't be…"
"I'm not happy about it either," the Director said, stepping closer. "But there's a lot I'm not happy about. Some of it, I've come to accept. And the other bits…" she ran a long, thin, white finger across the arm of Vice's command chair. The lights on the controls flickered and faded. She leaned close to whisper in his ear, "I'm doing something about."
"You… you're their friend, though," Vice said. Despite everything, even he couldn't fathom the levels of evil he was seeing. The betrayal felt like a blackness that would touch any pony's heart, even his. The true identity of the Director… was a revelation almost too dark for even one who was planning on committing mass genocide. It was the closest thing to an actual knife in the back anypony would ever feel. In Equestria or Earth, anyway. And it was clear now the Director was from both.
"I am," she admitted. "I've been trying so hard to help Twilight, Spike, Fluffle, Dan, Chrys, Phoenix and all their friends. Even you, Lightning, Lulu and Tia. You see, this is the way that works out for the best. And it's why you have to see me as… sort of a neutral party," she grinned maniacally. "This way, everyone wins. Everypony, every human, all of us. Even me."
"How do they not know?" Vice had to ask. "How long have you been keeping this secret?"
The Director turned away. "Long enough. They don't see me very often, even less now that Dan's taken a more active role in Twilight's life. But I do my best to help them when I can," she said, pulling back her hood again. "It's what I'm good at."
Vice cleared his throat, trying not to sound shaken. "I, uh, I see. This does…. explain quite a bit. So, the real reason you want the humans is because…?"
"I am a scientist. Like you, Vice Grip," the Director said sternly. "We seek to solve different problems our own ways. You have yours, I have mine. The fact that our methods are unorthodox is what unites us. We require each other," she turned her eyes to him. "I should not have to remind you of this again."
Vice held up a finger. "I understand, Mr. Director," he said, chuckling now that he understood the title at last. "I vow to honor our agreement and shan't doubt you again. However," he pushed around him to the display, "our allies are in danger as well."
The Director turned to him, not smiling. "You allied with them, not me. They were not and are not part of our agreement."
"Ah, but you see," Vice changed the display. It changed to a picture of Phoenix Wright. "Neither was he. You want to explain to me what he's doing here?"
The Director turned away. "That's none of your business."
"Oh-ho," Vice said, "so you're not going to tell me why you knocked him out and hid him in a storeroom closet? And why you told him that Flim and Flam had a copy of the Magic Gear schematics?"
The Director looked down at the floor. "I… I'm just a fan, is all."
Vice grinned. "Oh, I think that's pretty obvious." It was so tempting to use his real name, he almost couldn't resist. "I have to say, I admire the humans, myself. But it's clear you've been making friends behind my back," he leaned in close to her. "And I don't think you want me doing anything about that, do you?"
The Director said nothing. Vice was right.
"So, you protect my friends and I'll make sure you get to see the famous Phoenix Wright in action. I'll even set it up so you can have a front row seat in the jury. Sound good?"
The Director looked up. "Yes… yes, I'd like that."
"Very good, very good," Vice laughed. "So… considering who you are… I'd like you to use your abilities to save General Zeal and his zebras for me. Okay?"
The hooded pony gave a single, silent nod.
"Great!" Vice patted her on the back. "Now, I take it that the Flutterbirds aren't going to help?"
The Director shook her head. "The intense solar activity will short out their motors within four-thousand meters of the city outskirts. They'll crash before they make it to Oasis."
"All right then," Vice said, returning to his command chair. "Then that changes a few things. Tell flight control to adjust their course," he keyed in a sequence on his chair and the holographic display changed again. "Let's see where Luna's refugee convoy is."
The Director looked up. "The Saddle Arabians?"
"Course change for the Flutterbirds, tell them to intercept Lunar Force One and the flotilla she's escorting."
The technician turned around. "Intercept, sir?"
"Intercept and engage," Vice said, grinning.
"Those… those are refugees," the Director muttered, suddenly sounding concerned. "They're innocents. The zebras attacked them on your orders, drove them from their homes and destroyed their city. They're injured and they've lost their families," she looked to the display, the holographic shapes representing the refugee convoy. "They've had the worst day of their lives."
"And I'm making it their last day," Vice said firmly. "I have uses for the zebras. I'm not going to tolerate the princesses screwing with my resources. If we take out Luna, that'll distract precious little Tia long enough for you to evacuate Zeal."
"Those are innocent civilians," the Director protested. "You're going to kill entire families."
"I'm going to kill civilizations," Vice corrected. "And you're one to talk. When it was the zebras, you didn't sound so concerned."
The Director looked down again. "The Saddle Arabians didn't attack the zebras…"
"You little hypocrite," Vice leaned forward. "Get out of my sight, string-puller. Go rescue the zebras and I'll make sure you see your trial."
She disappeared in a puff of smoke. The smoke itself quickly evaporated and for a moment, the ops center was quiet.
Vice leaned back in his chair. "Backhanded, indeed…" he muttered to himself.
The technician turned around to him. "Sir?"
"What is it?"
"What do you want me to do about the TIE fighters?"
Vice shook his head in confusion. "The what?"
"The TIE fighters, sir," she gestured to the console she was sitting at. "We've got a full wing of TIE fighters ready to launch if needed. They could form up with the Flutterbirds and uh… attack the convoy. Sir."
Vice immediately stood up from his chair and walked over to her. "You've got to be kidding me. We can't possibly have TIE fighters." He stood over her shoulder, looking at the display on her console. Sure enough, the displays for a full wing of Imperial TIE fighters designated the three-hundred and forty-third wing appeared on the screen. He turned to the technician. "WHEN THE HELL DID WE GET TIE FIGHTERS?!"
"I… I think the Director requested them, sir," the technician said, leaning in her chair away from Vice.
Vice pinched his forehead. "Of course. Knowing who he is, it makes sense now."
"I think they came from one of Barro's Star Wars crossovers," the tech said. Actually, they didn't. The only Star Wars crossovers I've written so far are set in the Old Republic era, which wouldn't contain TIE fighters. Not that they would know.
Vice pointed at the screen. "Aren't those from the new movie? Episode seven?" he asked. Unlike regular TIE fighters, the ones Vice was currently looking at had small antennas protruding from the tops of their cockpits, additional communications gear. These were special operations TIEs, and in fact were ripped right from Star Wars: The Force Awakens as Vice had guessed.
The Director, being a massive fanboy of everything in Earth and Equestria, was apparently obsessed with taking items from both worlds and sticking them together in whatever fashion she/he chose. While seemingly pointless and nonsensical, it did explain why ridiculous things from other worlds seemed to pop up randomly at different places. Yes, you should probably be making a note of this and no, it doesn't explain every fourth-wall moment though it KIND OF explains half of them. Some of them have no explanation, others don't need it. Regardless, Vice understood. And it pissed him off.
"Wait a minute… why did she give us the TIE fighters?" Vice asked.
The technician did not have an answer.
One of the other Enclave ponies across the room waved a hoof. "Doesn't Dan have a Y-Wing or something in his house?"
Vice palmed his face. "I get it… the Director wants US to be the bad guys."
The pony on the other side of the room raised his hoof again. "I thought we were the bad guys."
The technician nodded, as did the others.
"Yeah, I thought we were the bad guys."
"We are evil, right? I mean, FIST and the Enclave?"
"I thought we were evil."
"We just sent out a fleet of attack helicopters to kill a bunch of refugees in hot air balloons so… yeah, I think we're the bad guys."
"I'm just here for the healthcare plan… am I still evil?"
"Yes, actually, that makes you the most evil of all."
"Is that an Obamacare joke? I don't want this story to become political."
"I thought Obamacare was the joke."
"The joke is you two are both too stupid to realize you joined the bad guys for the healthcare plan."
"Oh… I don't get it."
"Which one? Obamacare or the fact that we're the bad guys?"
"Either, really…"
"I'm confused."
"WE ARE NOT THE BAD GUYS!!!"
Vice yelled.
The pony on the other side of the room raised his hoof again. "Do we still get the healthcare plan?"
Vice pointed back at him. "You don't get crap!"
The pony lowered his hoof and returned to his station.
For a moment, Vice stood, huffing angrily. "I don't care… what ANYPONY says. We do what's necessary. There are no good guys, there are no bad guys, there's just us. And that's all there's gonna be after we're finished. That's all you need to worry about."
Nopony dared question him. The ops center was a buzz of beeps and chirping digital circuits again. The Enclave ponies worked diligently at their consoles and computers, none of them saying a word.
The technician next to him tapped Vice on the shoulder.
"WHAT?!"
"What should I do about the TIE fighters?"
"Gnnrrrrrrrrr," Vice growled, shaking angrily. He threw his fists down, trying to vent his frustration. "You know what? Scramble them. Send them up to join the rest of the Flutterbirds. Maybe Luna won't be expecting them."
"Yes, sir."
Vice turned around, trying to make his way back to the command chair when someone stopped him. It was a TIE fighter pilot in uniform, standing at attention.
"Uh… hi?"
"My lord!" the pilot saluted. "Major Guy Nylette of the three-forty-third, sir! It's an honor to serve you, my lord!"
Vice's jaw hung open for a few seconds. He blinked.
The technician behind him muttered, "Guy Nylette the TIE pilot? What's next- Norm Cooper the Storm Trooper?"
"Lieutenant Norm Cooper is with the Storm Trooper corps, sir," Guy clarified.
Vice shook his head. "That's… wonderful, Guy," he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "Shouldn't you be with the rest of your squadron?"
"Sir, yes sir!" the pilot said back. "I just wanted to say what an honor it is, sir! We won't let you down!"
"Great," Vice said, too mentally exhausted to even pretend to care. "Go get 'em, skeeter."
"Sir, yes sir!" the pilot saluted, about faced and marched out of the control room.
When he was gone, Vice turned back and leaned over the technician's shoulder again. "When they get back, get Blast Fuse and Blast Powder to blow up all the TIE fighters. And the TIE pilots."
"I don't think we'll have to worry about that, sir," the technician said, looking at the screen. Vice looked up to watch with her and the two of them saw the TIE fighters quickly take to the skies. Even faster than the Flutterbirds and with less support, each of the TIEs in the three-hundred and forty-third TIE assault wing took off and got into formation to join the others. They formed up into groups of four, flying in tight box formations as opposed to the Flutterbirds to maximize their field of fire. It was even more impressive than watching the Enclave fly. But unlike the Enclave, it didn't last long.
"Oh… I see what you mean," Vice said.
"All units, keep your formations tight, come to point oh-five-jay-"
"Major! I've got a problem here!"
"What is it, ensig- oh no! A SLIGHT BREEZE!!!"
A minor gust of wind brushed the wing of TIE fighters in-flight, hitting them from the side. It blew them onto their sides, rolling them and sending them spinning towards the ground. The fighters collided into the ground, crashing and exploding into fiery bits of solar panel and shrapnel along the green landscape. Roughly two-hundred meters from the outskirts of the Crystal Empire, the three-hundred and forty-third TIE assault wing was destroyed by a gentle breeze.
"See?!" Vice Grip pointed at the screen. "That's why we don't have those!"
You used both she and he to describe The Director multiple times...
6495984 And it a couple times.
Yup, looks like vicegrip is surrounded by aseoles.
Would be nice if Luna could throw mountains, and if she couldnt handle it herself, get Rarity to help out with thousand needle strike.
Dan could do with some of the US Skeet shooters as well. Great things those, one fighter payload, say good bye to armoured columns and no nuke needed. Nice, efficint, cheap and crazed militeries going nuts cos they cant have their brutalisation out.
Hmm, I really need to watch my replies when Im ill, I hallucinate Im coherent. Sorry bout that.
I'll bet that the Director is really the Pyro. What's this about Cadence having a nephew? I thought she was an only child!
6496179 Where does it say she's an only child?
6496221 There's nothing in the show with any mention of Cadence's siblings. And if we were to regard Cadence's origin story as canon, well...
Excuse moi?
dropped from!
Human?
Kay that's funny.
6496293 Is the origin story part of the show? I'm not seeing anything definitive to indicate she's an only foal. And even if she was, there are ways to correct this.
6497229 I wanted to give LC an additional connection to the main characters. Fixed that one part, too. And yes, Guy is human and is another Busey-type character. It's possible he lived as well because he might've been stuck in the elevator when his squad took off.
6497662
Ok.
What does Busey-type mean?
The possibility of his survival is remarkably high, I expect to see him in the future.
6497683 Gary Busey, an American actor who's known for his behavior, also makes frequent and random appearances throughout the story, the reasoning behind this being a complete mystery. Gary Busey is essentially a human version of Pinkie Pie mixed with Zecora and a little Tree Hugger. Only the Director and now Vice Grip understand why he's in Equestria.
6497780
Uh... Okay?
You made me smile from that Awwww man i love that game.
That seems about right, hehehee.
Awww man, awesome job on this dude, hehehe.
BP and BF work for Vice, alright 8'D
Awesome job, can't wait for the next chapter!
6497824 We also have a scene where a Stormtrooper is attacked and overwhelmed by a pack of small dogs. Also, the previous owner of Dan's Y-Wing is Rebel pilot Commander Grex Corsa, who was shot down by Dan's treehouse security defenses shortly before the Christmas episode. Grex survived the crash but Dan confiscated his ship and his astromech droid, G4-M6. Commander Corsa now works at the local Ponyville Wubway alongside Vinyl Scratch and Octavia. He doesn't earn much money but he's hoping to get enough to buy or rent a new starship and return to the Rebel Fleet.
So both the Rebel Alliance and the Empire are having a pretty rough time of things in Equestria but the Rebels are doing a little bit better because they're the good guys.
6498261
Oh lordy lordy Seriously?
Wow, this story has it all doesn't it. Man, Empire and Rebels, good lord.
Hehehe xD
I'm honestly curious as to the identity of the Director... very curious...
Hopefully we will all find out soon.
Keep it up!
6498616 The Director's identity isn't obvious. Ultimately, they mirror and parallel many different concepts such as perception, reality, alternate reality, free will, deception and more recently, gender identity. Whoever, whatever they are, they are something they very much do not want to be. But… at the same time, what they were before was something they wanted to be even less. So his/her current situation now is a result of her/his meddling which has apparently resulted in disastrous, monstrous consequences, consequences which for whatever reason, they accept. But now that the Director has changed his/herself, she/he seeks to change the world. Or every world.
Each of the characters has a piece of the Director, something relating to them. Vice Grip knows who they really are, Twilight knows what they really want, Chrys knows how they're doing it, Fluffle Puff knows when, Spike knows where and Phoenix knows why.
Dan, however… is as close to hero as the story comes. He has a unique way of seeing the world as something both simple and complex. He judges, as all people inherently do but he never condemns. It's unique from others in that the one thing Dan does better than anyone else is accept and pursue. He continues onward and he does judge people and ponies alike, calling it as he sees it but unlike so many others that fall prey to judgment, he does not condemn or dismiss. In a way, his view is the purest because it is the most fluid. Resolute and free, the closest thing to truth there is. It's the most concrete, the most absolute because Dan inherently knows that nothing is and things, especially individuals, can change.
Dan knows who the Director was. He met them a while ago before the events of the story and knows them now, unaware of their dark designs. He doesn't think much of them, considers them just another friendly face in Ponyville. The Director has been seen in his/her original form thus far but has only really been mentioned once or twice. Like the character, they're something you'd overlook. But they're not somepony who would overlook you. They're the kind of pony that… you take one glance at them, wave, walk by and take a glance back over your shoulder to find…
They're still watching.
6498992 Whoa, awesome and trippy.
That's interesting *rubs chin* very interesting...
6501469 Also, remember those TIE Fighters from the 343 TIE Assault Wing were new Special Operations TIEs from the new Star Wars movie. So that means they're painted jet-black with a little red on the side of the cockpit and those new antenna things on the top and reinforced connecting armor on the wing pylons. This is important because it helps you imagine all the debris just outside the Crystal Empire. And it's very important to be able to visualize all this shenanigans because it probably will be mentioned again
6503793
Oh really? I'm actually looking forward to the new movie, despite what some people are saying about it :P
Ooooh, yes that is important, I an see it now, and I'm still laughing from last chapter.
Oh no, a BREEZE!
Hehehe, just don't let BP or Fuse get one of them,
they'll find some way to turn it into a flying nuke
BP especially
Man, they got shafted on the TIE fighters. Must suck to have been made of actual cardboard.
Better luck getting actual TIEs, though.
6509686 They were actual TIE fighters. The design of the TIE fighter is aerodynamically unstable. Even in the vacuum of space, the basic design of the TIE is so flawed it will actually tear itself apart when force is applied. It's incapable of sustained thrust or navigation because the wings are so huge they'd actually collapse inward. The pilot can only see forward in the cockpit, has no onboard life support system, cannot land and have no climate or inertial compensation to speak of.
In short, the TIE is the worst ship ever. It's a death trap, you'd rather fly a kite in space than a TIE. Snoopy's doghouse was more of an aerial threat and a TIE couldn't fly in the same room as an osculating fan. You could shoot one down by yelling at it. So, in conclusion, the TIE fighters depicted in the story ARE ACTUAL TIE FIGHTERS. They were NOT made of cardboard. You know why?
Cardboard would've been an improvement.
6509827
The same argument could be made of most starships. Not sure why you're so hung up on it.
6509836 Most, not all. They've actually flight-tested most of the fictional designs of space craft depicted in sci-fi franchises and the results are very interesting. And I don't think I'm hung up on it, seeing as how I only responded the one time.
6509857
You seem to be the one who drug them out from out of nowhere only to shoot them in the street, though.
"LOOKIT THEM. THEY'RE STOOPID."
You havin a laugh, mate?
6509872 I'm stating a fact. They constructed craft based on the designs of many different vehicles from popular fiction, some performed better than others. And I actually like the design of the TIE, especially the ones in the new movie trailer. Do you have a problem with how I wrote that they were destroyed? We were actually planning on adding Bowser's Koopa Clown Car and a squad of Koopa Paratroopas in that scene just for the fun of it. Are you upset with what happened to the TIEs?
6509892
It just seemed a little soap-boxy to me, is all.
6509917 Oh, did you mean my first response? Well, that was actually meant to be mostly funny. I'm sorry if I seemed a bit preachy, I meant no offense.
6509965
None taken. Just know that I, as a stranger, could have interpreted your intent in a number of different ways.
I was talking about the scene itself, but you also gave a pretty good example.
6509997 I don't see how the scene could be interpreted as "soap-boxy." Maybe because it was short and doesn't display more about the TIE fighters, pretty much using them as dominos but that's only because it was meant to be a quick 4th-wall gag. They took off really quickly. With precision. And they crashed just as quickly. In hilarity.
Obamacare jokes... And thus, I am once again reminded of why I read this story... Well done good sir.
~Dollars.
The Obamacare jokes went right by head (please don't kill me Dan, I ain't no American), but I LOVED this Star Wars joke laden chapter! I don't even like Star Wars that much, but your chapter full of well-timed jokes made me love it! Thank you ^_^
(All praise and worship aside I have GOT to know, what the Faust is the Director? Yes I know he/she is a Brony! But to be such a big fan of Phoenix I wonder if he/she is really just a creepy she? If he/she is really a he that's cool too! I just really wanna know!)
And there goes any chance of Vice being in any way redeemable.