Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.
Dear Vacuum Cleaner,
You may need to clean up a very large stain in the gym. Professor Rainbow Dash came all over the floor every time she mentioned that Wild Blue Yonder rollercoaster she wants to ride. So start licking.
-Smolder, Yona, and Sandbar
Dear Granddaughter,
Now listen here, you little whippersnapper! Your rainbow lesbian friend told me that you’re the reason our trip was so boring. Blackmailing your own best friend? Have I taught you nothing!?!
Don’t get too excited? What in land sakes are you mumbling about? It’s not like we will purposely get ourselves injured. If so, our trip would have changed from Grannies Gone Wild to just Grannies Gone. We grannies know enough of our own limits. Respect your elders. Understand? This is my choice. I am way too old to deal with ponies worrying about my own safety. That’s what I had to deal with when my parents were still around. I have not much time left so let this old mare spend it how I want.
I get that your butt mark says that family is important to you, but you need to let go sometimes. So get your head out of your ass and lighten up!
Hence, when I get home later, you’ll be getting a spanking so hard that ponies will confuse your butt for Big Mac. That’ll get you to loosen up that tight ass of yours. Hopefully you won’t say that you didn’t learn anything by the time I’m done with you.
Sincerely,
Granny Smith
Dear Granny Smith,
You need to work on that anger management. Perhaps you still have some lingering remnants of my bottled up anger? Come by my office later to relieve yourself of all that rage.
Your guidance counsellor,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Rainbow Dash,
If you wanted to ride a more awesome rollercoaster just ask the crusaders to build you one next summer. It probably take about less than a day to make.
Sincerely,
Granny Smith
Dear Big Mac,
Did Applejack also give you a list of how to take care of the Gold Horseshoe Gals when you chaperone them? Did you follow her list?
Curious,
Rainbow
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Eeyup and Eenope.
Sincerely,
Big Mac
Dear Sugar Belle,
Hey there my shmoopy-doopy. I’m free tonight and most of my family are not around. Let’s do some rough housing in the barn tonight.
Your coltfriend,
Big McIntosh
Inquiry to the owners of the Wild Blue Yonder,
So, if your roller coaster is super popular, why is it shutting down? Trying to skip town before the safety commission comes knocking?
Sincerely,
Rainbow Dash
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I pity that poor bellhop in this episode. But yeah, AJ really needs to work on her Control Freak issues.
Lyra's the one who puts in too much effort?
Dat Phineas and Ferb reference though.
"Crusaders, I know what we're gonna do today!"
(Hey, where's Perry?)
"The 'Mild Blue Yonder's got nothing on the *URRRRP* Whirly Dirly!"
Rick
Hey, Applejerk,
Just so you know, once upon a time, your grand mare was a young, vivacious, sexually active, stallion crazy, horny teenage filly. And in many ways, she is still sexually active, stallion crazy, and horny. Her mind and her jokes are just as filthy as ever. Just ask her, I am sure she has some nasty sex stories.
Granny Smith is a dirty mare who can take care of herself and still get any stallion she wants. She may move slower, but that just means she lasts longer. She may cum dust and cobwebs, but she can do so multiple times.
Signed Mistress Headmistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave who just threw up a little,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
And people wonder what Cheerilee is doing with that Big Mac costume and a portable portal to the sock puppet universe.
8973943
Ikr? It's as though she hadn't learnt anything yet.... oh wait. That happened a few times for the rest too....
Dear Goldie Delicious,
While we appreciate the patronage of every member of the Gold Horseshoe Club, we'd appreciate it even more if you didn't bring an arbitrarily large number of cats during your visits. We're already putting the health inspector's foals through college as it is.
Flimflam Entertainment Corp.