Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

The Gift of the Maud Pie

The Gift of the Maud Pie
by milesprower06
Additional Contributions by MixMassBasher

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Dear Pinkie Pie,

So let me get this straight. You'd rather trade your signature party cannon for a rock pouch instead of, oh, I don't know, asking a close and dear friend to make it for you? Give your sister's gift a nice personal touch? No? Fine.

Bitch.

-Rarity

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Dear Pinkie Pie,

You are hereby ordered to appear in court, charged with illegal firearms trading. You gave an unregistered Class 3 Artillery Cannon to a stallion without a firearms license.

Officer Judy Trots

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Ms. Trots,

I'm sorry, but you'll never take me alive. I knew the day would come when Celestia would try and come for our cannons. The only way you'll get this is by prying it from my cold dead hooves.

-Pinkamena Pie

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Dear Rarity,

You had better hire me to be in charge of your new shop!

Your pen pal,
Coco Pommel

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"Pinkie?"

'Yes Rarity?"

"You went through all this trouble to get Maud that present but couldn't you just have given her Tom?"

"...Mother Fu—"

Author's Note:

Comments

[Level Dasher]

That first part. I thought the same thing.

[MixMassBasher]

Wow first Pinkie is a Druggie, now she's a illegal firearms exporter.

[Admiral Biscuit]

I was hoping Maud would kill that stallion and take the cannon back.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

7090015 Not surprising considering how eager she is to bring that thing with her everywhere she goes.

[MixMassBasher]

7090037 Dear Pinkamena Diane Pie,

We are in need of your firearms. Cause a war is a brewing. The Hooffields and the McColts are at it again. Dumbasses

Signed,
Applejack Agent Orange

[bloodwolf432]

This episode felt a bit reminiscent of the Christmas story where the man trades his watch for a set of brushes for his wife and the wife sells her hair for a nice chain for the watch . . . except that Maud gave up nothing and Pinkie got her cannon back so . . . everybody wins?

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

Dear Maud,

Due to your inability to express gratitude or adulation, I have decided that any money I might spend on you would be a waste. Here's your gift, a rock I found on the ground. I don't know maybe it's Boulder's long-lost sister or something, go wild.

-Rarity

[KiltedKey]

That is true. Rarity should have made her something. They could have spun that into a story...

[Plotbuster]

So,

The name of your new shop is going to be Rarity4U, hmmm?

Is the slogan going to be 'She's a big mare'?

Signed, Bane

[LegacyMine]

A better chapter than the last.

[Queuefka Palazzo]

7090271 That story is called "Gift of the Magi", which makes the episode title a pun.

[Razalon The Lizardman]

Someone needs to write a fic showing how both the Twiscepter and Smarty Pants ended up in Manehattan.

[maxthedralf]

when i noticed that pony with a wife beater waving his hoof at pinkie at the beginning. i just imagined that one scene from the last action hero where benadict shot the guy in the real world and that one guy goes.
HAY SHUT THE FUCK UP DOWN THERE!!

[maxthedralf]

7090989

dont forget the jump shark and the tome that made rarity turn everything into gold and turn into a bitch that one ep.

[Streakofscarlet]

Dear Rarity,

Yes, all of that, and the only part of you that I like is the crack.

-Maud

Dear Maud,

Wait, I thought we were only supposed to make that kind of joke about that one mare. What was her name... Tree Smoker?

-Pinkie

"Say, Rarity," said Pinkie, "how did you come up with that evil-sounding description of Maud so easily?"

"Let's just say that the sight of a certain pink bitch actually led to something good for once."

derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/4/2/1122538__safe_screencap_suri+polomare_spoiler-colon-s06e03_the+gift+of+the+maud+pie_suri+buttonbelle+polomare.png

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Pinkie Pie,

You set off a heavy firearm seven times all throughout downtown Manehattan. And one of those times was near the head of the Statue of Libmareity. (Goddamn these puns...) How could you not think that Department of Horseland Security(Goddamn these puns, I mean, seriously) would not be looking for you? We have given them your name, description, and rap sheet. Have fun rotting in Guantanamo Neigh. (Son of a bitch, these puns are dumb.)

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and snitch,
Neko Majin C.

---

---

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~KBO.

[Smitty91]

"Pinkie?"
'Yes Rarity?"
"You went through all this trouble to get Maud that present but couldn't you just have given her Tom?"
"...Mother! Fu-"

Oh, my God, I never thought of that! She probably would have loved that! I wonder if anyone has tried pairing Tom with Holder's Boulder. I also loved the Zootopia reference.

[Spartan-Guy 88]

orig08.deviantart.net/030d/f/2016/094/2/2/s6e03__the_gift_of_the_maud_pie____deleted_scene_by_theelinker-d9xoxt7.gif

[NexusDragon]

7091719

My fucking sides dude

[Dream Seeker]

7090271 Maud never actually got a gift. Because she had to give her gift back for Pinkie's canon. So really you can think of it like this: Maud gave Pinkie a gift, Pinkie ended up not getting Maud anything.

[Iron Comet]

Rarity does an amazing Pinkie Pie impression, doesn't she?

[articunos bitch]

Officer Judy Trots

I think the whole city accepted it as "It's Pinkie, the only way to get her to calm down is kill her. Let her be."

Your pen pal, Coco Pommel

Not a chance. She should have been put in charge of the Canterlot store and got passed up. She didn't even get a telegram that Rarity was coming to town when she and Applejack went to clean up the neighborhood. Poor girl.

[Web of Hope]

7091691 okay, Horseland Security got me good.

[Alex Warlorn]

7090282

You shouldn't have treated the little orphan rock so poorly. And you shouldn't have used your pin number in front of it.

- Maud Pie

[Alex Warlorn]

7091691

You'll find I'm legally obligated to bring cheer wherever I go. And my party cannon is registered as a tool in the arsenal of happiness. Unless you want to bring unhappiness to Equestria and resurrect the windigos, I'll be sure the interrogators all about that plan of yours.
-Pinkie

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Judy Trots

I thought her name was Copper Top.