Celestia's morning has been difficult enough, between hearing Twilight's confession of love, and then breaking her heart as gently as possible. Mere moments later, her private chambers are rocked by the shockwaves of a time-traveling spell. This marks the arrival of Celestia's alleged lover from five thousand years in the future, Princess Twilight Sparkle—or as she insists on Celestia referring to her, Glitter-Flanks.

Armed with thousands of years of knowledge of which buttons to push and how to make her squirm, Glitter-Flanks has traveled back to this date for one singular purpose: to establish the closed time loop that sets the two of them up as a couple.

Supreme Overlord of the Dominion of Equestria.
Wonderful title isn't it?
Capture the Country, Marry the Princess, Take over the world.
Sounds like an Adventure story doesn't it?
Well this is no story.
How do I know? Well I'm not stupid for one.
All those other dolts that came before fell into too many simple traps.
They're all so easy to avoid.
That's why I work to rule.
The rules.
The Rules of an Evil Overlord.

This story is a sequel to The Moon, The Flower, And The Door

Effective Immediately, This Story Has Been Cancelled.

"Anyone Can Be A Wizard..."

Morning Glory has succeeded in passing Princess Luna's test, and is now her personal protege... and soon to be her foster daughter. All seems to be sunshine, lollipops, and fluffy puppies forever... until Luna makes a discovery regarding the young filly's parentage, one that could wound the young filly's heart terribly. Keeping this information a secret seems wisest, especially given the connection the young filly has with Celestia's new student, but it soon becomes clear that this is just the tip of the iceberg, as the filly begins exhibiting strange and seemingly inexplicable talents. The young filly seems intent upon becoming a wizard, in spite of being an earth pony. Is such a thing possible, and is Equestria ready for it? And if so, what kind of a wizard would she be?

One thing soon becomes clear: No matter what the outcome turns out to be, something big is about to happen in Equestria, and when it's all over, nothing may ever be the same....

Spike has his own room, now. Unfortunately, this is not something Twilight is used to... and soon, it leads to a very tense and awkward moment that the two of them have to work through.

...

Rated T because this is not a clopfic. Surprisingly.

Spike Drake has started attending Canterlot Academy as part of a Co-Ed experiment. With him being the only guy in an entire academy filled with hot and sexy girls, will his teenage hormones drive him crazy, or will the boy-starved student body eat him alive?

"...The test ends when you open that door."

Princess Luna has begun searching for her own personal student, and her test has hit a small snag: Not a single unicorn, out of the dozens of applicants, has passed. In fact, every last candidate has failed the test in seconds.

But just what is the purpose of this test? And how can somepony pass it?

A young earth pony named Morning Glory is going to find out.

When Gaberdine is awarded a noble title by Princess Celestia, he soon finds out that his new lands contain several surprises. For starters, there is no land in his new barony. Secondly, his new castle turns out to be a broken-down riverboat. And third is… seaponies.

Baron Gaberdine has a lot to learn about his new barony. And himself.

Fortunately, he has a very young teacher.

Now with a sea-quill (sorry) Drifting Down the Lazy River

Cover photo by PhoenixSwift
Editing/Pre-Reading assistance by Tek, Shaleclaw, Peter, Seether00, Monsieur Connoisseur, GhostOfHeraclitus, The Masked Ferret, Blue Paladin42 and Admiral Biscuit

Note: Unlike The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian, this is a single POV love story, like Changelings, Love and Lollipops. Only with fewer cannons and fountains.
Now Featured on Equestria Daily
With a YouTube Reading of the first chapter by BigAsh
And with a dramatic reading by Neighrator Pony and company Full playlist here.
Thanks for a wonderful review by Paul Asaran
Available in paperback through Lulu.com at cost.

Twilight, seeing that her friend needed a little bit of companionship, decided to help him get a date.

But boy, did he aim a little too high for her taste.

Now, her and Spike need to help this putz of a human snatch a date from one of the most undateable beings on the planet, Princess Celestia.

Needless to say, they're doomed.

Cover art used with permission by Lydia-Rawr

Warning: Story will contain horrible romance clichés, cutsieness, and all around silliness.

You have been warned.

Big Mac doesn’t say much. That’s just his way. However, when a routine medical exam reveals he’s going to lose his voice, he decides he’d better get his last round of speaking in while he still can. Saying a few last words to his friends (and asking out a certain schoolteacher) is all he planned on doing. If only he understood the full repercussions of opening his big mouth.

Featured on Equestria Daily!
Reading by DRWolf: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

The original version of the story took 12th place in The Writeoff Association's July contest, "A Matter of Perspective"

The village had been perfect, free from the inequality and misery rampant throughout the rest of Equestria. Then Twilight Sparkle and her so-called friends arrived and ruined everything.

But all hope is not lost. Starlight Glimmer has a plan to restore her lost utopia on a much vaster scale.

After all, it's not like that purple princess was friends with anything worse.

Story contains spoilers for the Season 5 premiere, nonspecific allusions to torture, and nuts. Story does not contain Nikita Khruschev or shoes.