Chronicles of an Evil Overlord

by Melancholy


Rule 83

Domination of Equestria - T-194 days.

“You can’t expect me to ignore this.”
“Of course not Princess Twilight. In fact, I’m counting on it.”

Now, what's on the menu? The lack of meat in Ponyville establishments was most regrettable, but some things still leap out. Trust a Princess to pick the most upper crust establishment in the area.
Heh, they probably still actually cut the bottoms off.

“You expect Equestria to fight you? That’s foolish. More foolish than trying to move an army across half a continent in the first place. You’d never get within telescope distance of the Canter Mountain, let alone actually get into Canterlot.”

The goats cheese omelette looked good. Always liked goats cheese. Sharper than your normal cow udder affair.
Well except that one time. We don’t talk about the affair with the cow.

“Is it Princess? Is that why you invited me here? To talk me out of this ‘foolish’ course of action? Ah, waiter, a bottle of the finest house red if you would, for myself and the Princess? Thank you.”
“I invited you to talk you down, yes. Diplomacy and friendship are always the better options. Have you thought what a mind like yours could do if you chose to join the government?”
“My dear Princess, I think about that every single day.”

She’s shuddering. Oops, did I accidently smile? Ah, distraction.

“Ah, the wine is here, shall I pour you a glass Princess? Ah, a Chateau Briand, an excellent vineyard.”
“Humm...ok, just the one. Thank you.”
“Not a problem at all Princess.”

Now, uncork, stand, come around the table. Smile, excellent, she can’t meet my gaze.
Sleight of hand check, and...natural twenty.

“Enjoy the wine Princess, please.”

She’s still nervous. Am I still smiling? Ah, who cares now. All she has to do is drink.
Ah, this is a good one though. What year? Eight hundred after banishment? A good year.

“Can I have your orders, Sir, Princess?”

Damnit, don’t distract her now, she was going to take a sip!

“I’ll have the daisy salad please.”
“A fine choice Princess, I’ll have the Deathcap stem soup if you wouldn’t mind.”

Finally, out the way you distraction.

“Is there nothing I can say which would deter you? You understand the Elements of Harmony themselves will be sent against you.”
Stop talking and drink! For a mare so fond of her own voice how can she say so much without lubrication!
“But Princess, it would be an honour to be visited by yourself and your friends. It would mean you’d finally be taking me seriously rather than inviting me for dinner.”
“I’ve often learnt that diplomacy is the better part of valour.”
“If you say so.”

“I’m sorry sir, but there’s a telephone call for you inside.”
Now? Of all times. I swear, if it’s another problem with the focusing lenses I’m going to gouge someone’s eyes out and use them instead!
“Thank you.”
Bollocks, the phone’s by the bar? I can’t see the table from there. She could be doing anything!

“Hello?”
“I’m watching you bub. If you do anything to Twilight I’m going to buck you so hard you’ll be making your own Rainboom.”
“Dear oh dear, does the Princess know you’re making crude threats while she’s in the middle of negotiations?"
“What? What’s that got to do with it? It’s because she’s all alone with you that I am calling!”
“That’s not how diplomacy works Miss Dash, but I’ll be sure to let her know you called.”
“What? No don-”
Irritating mare. She’s going to be top of my list when I rule this place. She’s going to suffer all my most tender tortures.

“Sorry about that Princess. Oh, the food’s arrived? I’m sorry for taking so long.”
“No problem at all. This wine is great by the way.”
What? She’s finally taken a sip? Excellent! Wait, why is her glass still full then?
Why is my glass still full?
“I topped off both our glasses. I hope you don’t mind.”
Is she smiling!? Damnit all, you’re playing me you blasted Princess!

“Actually, I don’t think the Chateau Briand would go all that well with Deathcap.
Waiter? Could you take this away and bring us a smooth white instead?”

You win this round, Princess.

Overlord Rule No:83 If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.