The Stars Must Be Crazy
Starlight snarled as she stalked through the caves. Those cowards. Those fools!
Not the interlopers. No, there was always the risk of newcomers having a destabilizing influence for a time, especially half a dozen at once. She still loathed them for destroying everything she worked for, especially that double-crosser Fluttershy, but they weren’t the ones she hated the most.
Her so-called friends were why she stomped with every step, grinding her teeth in impotent rage. She gave them true harmony, she gave them utopia, and how did they repay her? Betrayal! Slipping on the blinders of talent and inequality once more, suckling at the teat of insipid iconography instead of embracing the new world order. Even Double Diamond, her first and equally dear as all others, had turned his tail on her.
To think that they had called her a hypocrite! They refused to consider the sacrifices she made. They never thought of the noble suffering she endured, having to shoulder the burden of her cutie mark when all others were gloriously free of them. Did they think she liked it? That she’d have kept it if there were any way to remove it and still be able to remove other marks? She dreamed of the day she could finally strip her own mark, when all of Equestria was liberated and she could at last join the perfectly equal herd.
Starlight smirked. Well, that wondrous day would still come. Now that she knew that the de-marking spell worked even on alicorns, she could go straight to the top. Next stop, Canterlot and Celestia. Once she had stripped the sun, all of Equestria would see the light.
Laughter echoed all around her. “Oh, that is just too rich! You actually believe that.”
Starlight came to halt, looking everywhere. She was in a wide cavern, big enough that her horn couldn’t light all of it and the echoes made pinpointing the sound impossible. “Who is that? Show yourself!” The actual words registered through her shock at hearing them. “And stay out of my mind!”
Still unseen, the voice sniggered. “You didn’t realize you were saying all of that out loud? Really now, Outer Monologue Syndrome is a serious condition.” Hoofsteps approached. Well, some of them were hoofsteps. There were only two feet, and one sounded nothing like a hoof. “I’d get it looked at if I were you. And if you weren’t one of Equestria’s most wanted fugitives.”
Starlight leaned down into a ready position. The voice was close enough that she could point her horn at its source, the glow intensifying as she readied a spell. “I am trying to save Equestria!“
“Been there, done that.” Starlight jumped. The steps were still approaching, but that had come from behind her. Something like a griffon arm reached across her peripheral vision, and she felt it pinch the tip of her horn and pull off the spell. She cringed at a sensation like getting a hair plucked and looked behind her.
Hideous. Absolutely hideous. A horrendous mishmash of different creatures, thrown together into a clashing, disagreeable whole. And that was just the face. It was like looking at everything wrong with Equestria.
It gave her a half-lidded stare as it flicked the brilliant point of her magic onto the cavern’s ceiling, where it hung like a star. “Well, don’t try to spare my feelings or anything.”
Starlight turned her body and backed away from the creature, only to run into something furry, yet scaly. She looked at the obstruction, only to see the beast again. She backed up, but paused after a few steps. She wasn't falling for that again. “Who… what are you?”
Whatever it was, it rested its head on its lion paw and sighed. “I'm not sure why you're surprised. New recruits in your little regime aren't exactly a reliable news source. If you spend years in a deliberately isolated community, you should expect to be out of the loop. And I do mean isolated; it was far enough out of the way that I didn't even bother bringing Tirek, though at least he'd have actually done something with all that magic you'd gathered.
"But yes, time for introductions.” It bowed. “I am Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony, at somepony else’s service.”
Starlight glared at the creature. “I see. Everything makes sense now. That alicorn, Twilight Sparkle. She works for you, sowing chaos and disharmony in my perfect community—stop laughing!”
Discord had fallen on his back, mismatched limbs wheeling in the air in his mirth. “Ha ha ha… Twilight? Working for me? Pfft… ha ha ha ha!”
Starlight gritted her teeth, lit her horn, and cast the first spell that came to mind.
Absolutely nothing happened.
Discord smirked and floated a few inches above the cave floor, still on his back. “I’m not sure what you were expecting. Word to the wise: A spell that manipulates cutie marks isn’t going to do much against a creature that doesn’t have one.” It waggled its unmarked, draconic tail.
Starlight glared at the creature and fired a more destructive spell, one she'd spent years perfecting so that she could defend her town against those unready for enlightenment.
The monster snatched the ray of coherent destruction between two lion claws, pressed it in its fist, popped the resulting mote in its mouth, and grimaced. "Ugh, flavorless." It stuck out its tongue. "I should've guessed."
Discretion definitely seemed like the better part of valor. With a shockwave of distorted space, Starlight slipped through the cracks of the universe.
A moment later, she rematerialized in the exact same place. She glared at the creature, whose pleased grin told her all she needed to know about what just happened. “What do you want?”
It chuckled. “What do I want? Oh, we’d be here for quite a while if I ran through everything I want, not least because I’d change my mind halfway through, start from the top of the new list, change my mind again halfway through that… oh, that could stretch on for eternity.” It shook its head. “No, what you meant was ‘what do I want with you, here and now?’ And the answer is that I’m here to deliver a message.”
“From who?”
“From myself. You see, Twilight may not be my,” a few laughs escaped the beast, “subordinate, but she and her merry companions are my friends.”
Starlight sneered. “As if anything like you could ever have friends.”
Discord gave a single nod. “A year or two ago, I’d have agreed with you. It wasn’t an easy process for anyone involved, but I’m coming to appreciate the concept.”
“Impossible,” Starlight spat. “True friendship can only take place between equals, and you mmph fmmpl—“ She put a hoof to her muzzle and found her mouth was gone. “Mmm!?”
“It’s not much fun when someone’s taking essential bits of your body, is it?” Discord considered an irregular lump of crystal floating above its eagle claw. Starlight’s snarling mouth could be seen through the misshapen facets.
Starlight lunged for it, but found herself immobile. Looking down, her eyes bulged as she saw her legs had become something like shimmering stalagmites, binding her to the floor.
“Well, it looks like we’ve found a way to keep your thoughts to yourself,” Discord said an inch from her ear. “Now, I’ve gone on record as saying I don’t turn ponies into stone, but one, you’re still mostly flesh, and b, technically speaking, crystal isn’t stone.”
Starlight’s response was incoherent and would’ve been unprintable if it weren’t.
Discord drifted back in front of her. “In any case, where were we? Oh, yes, you going on about how utter equality is the only feasible basis for friendship, so you reduce everypony to the least common denominator through logic that even I find twisted.” Discord paused, frowned, and snapped his talons. “This isn’t any fun if it’s one-sided.”
“What’s that supposed to—“ Starlight gasped as she rediscovered the joys of lips, teeth, and tongue. Then she glared at the horror before her. “I wouldn’t expect something like you to understand my cause.”
Discord's expression hardened, as did his tone. “I understand it better than you think, Starlight Glimmer. You're trying to impose your own vision of how things should be over the unacceptable reality of what currently is. The thing is, you aren't nigh-omnipotent, so you wouldn't have an introvert's chance in Ponyville of succeeding even if your method weren't fundamentally flawed."
"What flaws?" Starlight cried. "My way has already created a harmonious utopia!"
Discord sighed. "Where to begin? Your past efforts may have resulted in an, ugh, ordered society, but homogenizing ponies even more than they already are is monotony, not harmony. Even I know you can't get harmony out of a single forced note, but I suppose you've never had music lessons."
"Don't try to confuse me with false parallels," said Starlight.
Discord continued, heedless. "Confining those ponies in a impoverished village far from any other civilization isn't harmonious either; it's needlessly cruel. And creating a regime where everypony wears a rictus grin for fear of spending a night in the propaganda hut?” Discord shook its head. “Take it from an expert on the subject: That's about as disharmonious as you can get."
Starlight scowled. “Meaningless prattle. You know nothing!”
Discord smirked. “Far, far from the truth.”
“Differences can only lead to discord! You should know! Look at you!”
“Oh, I know.” Mirrors appeared in a hemisphere around Discord. He turned from one to another in admiration. “Glorious perfection that I am, how could I not?” The mirrors blinked, and then Discord was eye to eye with Starlight. “But the thing about order is that it isn’t harmony. If it were, I wouldn’t need to distinguish myself as the antithesis of both."
He took her chin in his lion paw. ”It is you who knows nothing, Starlight Glimmer. You don’t know what it takes to upend the banal paradigm of Equestria, which I admit has grown on me of late. You don’t grasp the rudiments of friendship that even I have come to understand. You don’t even know yourself, mishearing your cutie mark’s cry for excellence as a call to handicap everypony else.” Discord shook its head. “Honestly? I pity you.”
Starlight pulled her head out of his grasp and thrashed against her bindings. “You? Pity me? You disgusting beast!?”
He nodded as he moved a few steps back. “Yes, I do. Because I, the very embodiment of everything you despise, am a more harmonious creature than you, a pony. I'm all for ironic reversals, but this one is almost tragic.”
“You are a monster! When I have enlightened everypony, I'll show you tragedy!”
Discord nodded. "I have no doubt that you would. After all, in the extremely unlikely case you actually won, your policies would ruin one of the most prosperous nations in the world. And since you aren't immortal, it would only be a matter of time before some other race conquered it. Perhaps the griffins, perhaps the dragons. Given what you'd do to Equestria, I'd even give the Diamond Dogs even odds, and how embarrassing would that be?"
Starlight bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. "Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, sh—" Her mouth vanished again.
Discord tossed it from forelimb to forelimb. “Well, that was disappointing. You were even more fun to tease than Twilight for a while there, but now you've gotten dull. I suppose I'll have to get to the point." It tossed her mouth into the air, did a front flip, and smacked it high with its tail. "My message to you is as follows: Quit while you’re not too far behind. Whatever tragic backstory led you to this moment, forget it. Whatever mad dream you’re following, abandon it. Whatever path you think leads to utopia, leave it. You won't like the alternative."
Starlight's mouth landed back in place. She sneered. "I 'won't like the alternative'? You call that a threat?"
Discord raised an eyebrow. "You know, I could've beaten you with a snap of my fingers. Literally."
She smirked. "But you didn't, because you're a coward. The disharmonious struggle against one another, but when confronted with true equality, they—"
"Infiltrate it and dismantle it from the inside, going by your recent experience." The smirk moved to Discord's face—literally; Starlight watched it—leaving a furious frown in its place. "Fear didn't even enter into why I let you be. I didn’t deal with you because I knew Twilight and company could. Frankly, you’re not worth my time.”
“Not… worth…” No. No, that couldn't be true. Starlight was the visionary that would bring true harmony to Equestria. This fiend must oppose her.
"Besides, if I gallivant around overthrowing every minor malignancy in Equestria, ponies will come to expect it of me, and heroism is a full-time job. I value my free time far too much to fall into that trap."
The creature leaned in close. "However, I wasn't expecting you to catch the girls off-guard as you did. You hurt my friends, Starlight Glimmer. You hurt them on a very deep level. So I took the time out of my busy day to give you this dream."
"Dream?" Starlight laughed as everything clicked back into place. "So this isn't real."
"Oh, this may be taking place in your head, but it's still quite real. As your cheery little town anthem put it, 'You can't have a nightmare if you never dream.'" Discord chuckled. "And nopony can deny that you have a very big dream, Starlight. It's only appropriate that the nightmare match. Did I mention that you very nearly got one to come out of retirement?"
She blinked. "What?"
It leaned back, arms behind its head. "Well, that anthem of yours was more right than you know. It turns out that when you tear the cutie mark off of a pony and slap on one of those distasteful limiter hexes of yours in its place, you quell the pony's presence in the dreamscape until it's virtually imperceptible. And that's before you stick them in a house with indoctrinating slogans on a constant loop, making it near-impossible to enter REM sleep. Princess Luna, who you may remember from the day the sun rose a few hours behind schedule, thought some of her best friends were dead. Thanks to a certain dragon's conscientious status report, she had the exact coordinates of your little cult commune. If it weren't for my intimate familiarity with Fluttershy's psychic signature, Luna would have sought vengeance by way of a meteor the size of a Manehattan city block. Once she realized how many innocents she killed, including the very ponies she was trying to avenge, she would've surely gone mad again, and lunar banishment wouldn't be an option this time.
"So, not only did I save your life, I also saved the entire world from the consequences of your short-sighted megalomania." It stared at her like a disappointed parent. "You're welcome."
Starlight rolled her eyes. "Why should I believe a word of that?"
Discord shrugged. "I don't really care whether you do or not, though it's generally advisable to thank someone after he's saved your life. It encourages the habit.
"But I digress. Since you're about as grateful as a dyspeptic manticore, I'll forgo any further banter and go straight to what happens if you don't follow my earlier advice.”
Starlight sneered. “Talk is cheap. You sneak into a dream and expect me to believe you'll follow through on anything you say in reality?”
Discord shook its head. “You do not know who or what you are provoking, child. It is far more dangerous to have me in your mind than near your body." Discord grabbed at thin air, then pulled open a file cabinet. "You don't want to know what I could do from in here." Its talons paged through the files. Every time they made contact, Starlight felt a nauseating tingle in her brain. Discord slammed the cabinet back into nothingness. "But I am letting that slight go because I, the spirit of chaos and disharmony, the master of madness, the avatar of insanity, am your moral and ethical superior.”
Starlight felt her eye twitch. “You. My superior?”
Discord smirked. “I do believe I’ve struck a nerve. Yes, Starlight Glimmer, I am a better person than you are, and because of that, I am merely issuing a warning: The next time you harm my friends, I won’t be the better person. I will make you suffer, and I will devote squillions of years of experience, the full creativity of the physical incarnation of improbability, and every iota of the malicious glee I can't otherwise express to that purpose.”
“Not the first misguided death threat I’ve gotten.” It was, Starlight admitted to herself, a lot more intimidating than the ones she'd heard during early reeducation sessions, but she wasn't going to let this patchwork beast know that.
“You're thinking out loud again. Besides, that wasn't a death threat. I find death distasteful. It’s the ultimate assertion of unchanging stasis over chaotic potential. No, Starlight, I’m not going to kill you. I'm not ever going to kill you. I will keep you tucked away in your own personal subdimension, where you will experience agony after agony with no hope of respite or even becoming inured to the experience. Every pain will be as fresh and shocking as the first time you ever stubbed a hoof as a filly. And you know what?” Discord grinned, wide, and for the first time, Starlight realized that all smiles were not created equal. “I think that with a stress doll like you, on whom I can vent my every cruel impulse, I can be a much, much better person to everypony else.
“So, me lass, do forget my earlier advice. Please, do seek out your revenge. Because when you fail, and you will—"
"I won't."
"You will. You couldn't handle a few dozen ponies who you'd been indoctrinating for years once they decided they'd had enough of you. Even if you could rip the cutie mark off of an alicorn who isn't still growing into her wings—fat chance—all of Equestria would stand against you. And that's before I get my hands on you. Know that when I do, you actually will make the world a better place. For everypony else.”
Starlight awoke screaming, and found that she’d fallen asleep standing up, her legs locked. She didn’t sleep again for the next four days.
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Racist.
This is actually something I've been thinking about, even if it is a given that Starlight could somehow equalize Celestia and Luna, there is every other race that doesn't have a cutie mark, the sun and the moon that no one will have the power to move, with everything being equalized you effectively have an army full of children so good job defending against anything. Starlight hasn't thought things through and I find that very accurate for someone with her kind of philosophy.
5831237 It honestly made me laugh how much the episode was made to be a Feminist Dystopia. One Mare to Rule them All, under a banner of supposed Equality. It was like Nazi Germaney (Codwing's Law), Current-era Internet Feminism, and 1984 (or similar) all rolled into one.
Well, looks like somedraconequus just got himself a new stress doll......'cause jerks like her never learn.
That being said, I'd hate to see how she'd fare against a voidmage.........
Haha! Wonderful. I can totally see Discord doing that, thinking she's not worth his time, then coming in for a little 'chat'.
Also, nice reference to that part of the song. Yeah, that really made it clear how Luna never caught hold of that.
I knew her plan was to fail. In fact I think a lot of people forget he is a thing.
Plus lets face it that kind of revolution will just supercharge him.
Well, I'm pretty disappointed by the lack of Khrushchev and shoes, but at least you warned me in advance.
I love your take on Discord. I always like when someone manages to demonstrate why reformed villains aren't necessarily any less dangerous or terrifying than their non-reformed selves. Always worth remembering what they used to do, and why they used to do it. You don't screw with someone that used to destroy lives for kicks.
5831262
What was feminist about Starlight's dystopia, aside from the fact that it was a mare running it? It was, essentially, Camazotz meets Animal Farm, Harrison Bergeron, and The Prisoner, and they all go out for drinks together. Or viewed from another perspective, it was Communism and the Cultural Revolution. There was absolutely nothing about feminism in it, aside from the fact that all of My Little Pony is feminist because it portrays six female heroes in a land ruled by female leaders and never tries to suggest that there's anything unusual or improbable about this.
Very, very good. You are one heck of a writer. Discord is well portrayed; his behavior is spot-on. His explanation of why Starlight Glimmer's philosophy is morally indefensible and doomed to fail is all very accurate. His threats at the end are OOC, and in any case words won't scare off Starlight forever. Starlight is something of a sociopath--not the cleverest one out there perhaps, but still. Sociopaths only learn from consequences.
A more effective alternative would be to make her live as one of her former followers for a while: stolen cutie mark, no powers, propaganda hut, no rights, the works. She was playing with a dollhouse in Nonameville; it's not so much fun when you're one of the dolls. She'd rethink her philosophy in a hurry.
The story's only hiccup is that it reduces Starlight to a dull caricature. She would certainly be curious about Discord, would not reveal her true feelings so easily unless greatly provoked, and would be capable of exchanging mind games with Discord for a while until he chose to get down to business.
5831262 Equestria society is based a bit on actual horses. The fact the princesses rule is how mares lead and Stallions fight (Which is why Shining Armor the captain of the royal guard)
In another story comment, I referred to the place they traveled to as East Germaney. There was the fear of speaking out, the ponies watching each other, the lousy quality of the goods produced, the reeducation camp, and the leader who took more than her fair share, because equality.
That mare needs to be Discord's plaything. She's too dangerous if she can spread her cultlike ideology.
Bravo, bravo! That was beyond great, beyond impressive. I don´t even know how to describe it. Before reading this I was going to work with the same concept, but I´m glad I didn´t; I would never be able to be a match for you. In any case, excellent story. I love the narrative, really descrptive and precise. And that was quite an amazing display of philosophy and debate. Discord was terrifyingly serious, and still in character. It´s a pity the show wouldn´t show this portrayal of a "reformed" Discord, but we still have fanfiction for that. In any case, great job, one of the best short fanfics I´ve ever read. I hope you get to the Featured box as you deserve.
5831453 Well, take in account that Starlight was still going through a pretty serious breakdown during that time. And a creature like Discord does leave and impression; it´s hard to think rationally in the presence of such a threat.
Discord vs Starlight Glimmer...
Now that would make for an interesting episode.
I guess you could say that if Starlight ever crosses him again, Discord will cause her...
"Neverending Strife".
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAA-!
*Gets electrocuted by cotton candy storm cloud.*
Ow.
5831262 What episode did you watch, exactly? Because that does not resemble season 5: episodes 1 & 2 of MLP:FIM.
At all.
There was not a single thing in the entire premier related to feminism.
And it wasn't a Nazi philosophy--the town was a giant homage to the Soviet Union with Starlight Glimmer starring as Stalin. Communism and Naziism are not even remotely the same thing.
5831325
It'd largely be a quick draw contest... if the voidmage hadn't thought ahead and applied hexproofing. In that case, Starlight would be up a creek.
5831427
I try to be considerate, especially to fans of the Soviet Leader in Equestria subgenre.
And yeah, Discord never stopped having the potential to be horrifying. If anything, acting in his friends' defense might inspire him to less whimsical, more mind-breaking chaos. Or more whimsical and more mind-breaking. This is Discord we're talking about.
5831453
Starlight's caricaturized nature can be blamed on the nature of the conversation. She is dreaming right now. She'd have to give a well-reasoned, cogent argument literally in her sleep. This was entirely by Discord's design. Arguments may not be fun when their one-sided, but that doesn't mean he's going to make this one fair. Especially not after the last time he got sweet-talked by a major villain.
As for the threats, well, it's Discord. You have to take everything he says with a pound of salt. I do have an idea for what he may do to Starlight, and it's barely going to resemble what he described.
5831552
"Miss Glimmerchev, tear down this wall!"
"What wall?"
"Tear it down!"
"What even are you?"
"REAGAN SMASH!"
My reaction after reading it.
media.tumblr.com/bb381d825153d2fee810da19b961d063/tumblr_inline_n83r994ytO1qmpnn2.gif
Loved the story. You right Discord brilliantly here I think.
5832696
Yeah discord having fun can be a scary thought. Discord out seeking righteous vengeance? Now that is more than a little terrifing to think of.
5832696
I think he'd be more intimidating simply because he's infinitely less likely to simply get bored and wander off. He has few if any opportunities to indulge in his more disturbing impulses, so if he gets a "stress doll" he's going to make them last. When he was evil (or amoral) it was likely that he'd lose interest and go play with something else. He doesn't have that luxury anymore.
That, and in this case he has a reason to torment her beyond "it amuses me," which could keep him going long after he would have lost interest otherwise.
5832696
He'd simply do unto her what he did to Twilight and Rarity when he first showed up. She can't DO what she does as a mere Earth pony so being forced into agriculture would be the best way to torment her. It fits with being capricious and somewhat averse to the long game.
Hmm, I'm always a fan of the powerful characters in the show actually tossing their weight around. Discord is particularly fun because of his potential, and I do love seeing him illustrate to Glimmer just how faulty her plan really is.
There's a couple of little nitpicks I could make. One being I wish the story could have gone on longer, but then maybe it would have overstayed its welcome. I think Starlight Glimmer's self-delusion the first too paragraphs is a bit too strong.
Again: nitpicks. Overall it was an enjoyable short story!
5831262
Looks like a lot of people missed your point.
Well, thank you for introducing me to a new experience: 100% approving of Discord! (Don't get me wrong, I like Discord, but I always felt he made a better villain than a good - ish - guy.)
But here... This? This is perfect. I have often wished that there was someone in the position Discord has taken here, somenone to go and have a.. quiet word... in exactly this fashion. Who knows perfectly well that said "word" would not be approved of by the Ponies That Be, but does it anyway, because some things are more important than disapproval.
And his last warning/threat...? Oh my. That was a thing of beauty.
Superlative work!
Is the title a reference to 'the gods must be crazy'? Because if so, you win.
This was fun. I usually enjoy a curbstomp.
5832696
Ohohoho~~ I like this~~ Torture her yes yessss~
"Chaotic Good isn't Chaotic Nice" (quote).
Huh. A Discord story where he's being a dick to someone who isn't by any stretch calling him "friend". Never thought I'd see that day come...
Have a thumb and a favorite for breaking the mold in at least two ways I'm aware of.
... Jon Snow
Even reformed Discord is still terrifying.
5831432
I'd have to imagine he's talking about Tumblr Feminists and Activists who believe that in order for one to be propped up, everyone else they believe has privilege needs to be grabbed and dragged down to "equality" or as Glimmer thought, below them while they enjoy the comforts of their power. Or as most people tend to see for these people with "#Killallmen, #Manspreading" sort of style of feminism slacktivism.
He probably should've went with "Tumblr Paradise" rather then Feminism as a whole though.
5834860
I am a progressive who's been a feminist for over 40 years and, before getting into ponies, spent 10 years active in the feminist blogosphere... and some of those tumblr people scare the shit out of me. Yeah, they're not remotely representative of mainstream feminism. (For one thing, mainstream feminists think that men becoming fans of a product aimed at little girls is a good thing because it represents that the socially taught and enforced contempt of women that "real men" are supposed to feel is weakening to the point where perfectly normal dudes feel safe embracing a girly TV show, and therefore men are becoming more sympathetic to and empathetic with women. Tumblr psychos think that Lauren Faust has a sad every time a brony draws a picture because obviously the reason she feels bad about My Little Pony is that men became fans of it and not, for instance, that Hasbro kind of ousted her from the thing she created and took it in a different direction than she meant to go.)
That being said, I'm pretty sure that the only people who give a shit about what's on tumblr are the people on tumblr. So no, the story wasn't intended as any kind of metaphor against "tumblr feminists", except in the sense that the "knock everyone down so we can all be equal" thing has been kicking around on the Left since the invention of Marxism, and has been called out by both conservatives and liberals as a really bad thing, many, many times. The tendency is much weaker now after Communism demonstrated what a terrible idea it is, which is why these attitudes are far from mainstream, but it does still exist and probably the extreme edges of the Left will always have it.
Ponies don't have the same political spectrum we do -- for instance, America's constitutional democracy with a prohibition against inherited power would probably strike them as extreme radicalism, but on the other hand, efforts to protect institutionalized racism would strike them as being the equivalent of a supervillain building a bomb to blow up the Earth, given that on their world racism brings the windigos and kills everyone. They don't have feminism because they don't need it, being a matriarchy, and they don't have democracy at a higher level than cities and townships because their absolute monarch is an immortal who's a very good ruler and overall a good person, so they never had to overthrow her to protect their own freedom. They don't need Marxism because they don't have huge corporations exploiting thousands of overworked, underpaid, desperate ponies, and they don't have fascism because when a cruel and rigid dictator, like Sombra, arises, the princesses or the Elements of Harmony go kick his ass. :-) So they really wouldn't get our political concepts anyway.
I was listening to this:
When I found this story and read it.
I found it to be perfect.
You'd think a genius-level pony that had studied magic for years and knew about ancient eastern unicorn legends would recognize the Spirit of Disharmony, one of the most infamous supervillains of Equestrian history, the entity whose casting down marked the legendary beginning of the Diarchy's reign, when it walked up to her and promised to make her beg for a death that would never, ever come.
You'd think they'd also remember that time a couple years ago when the world temporarily went all crazy with the sun rising and setting every 5 minutes and the clouds turning to pink cotton candy.
For that matter, you'd think that even if she didn't know him from a hat rack she'd have the good sense to at least be mildly worried by an entity that had just proven itself capable of telepathically entering her brain, manipulating her dreams, and either reading her memories or clairvoyantly spying on her from a distance (as Discord had made multiple true references to events she hadn't mentioned in conversation with him.)
But then again, if messages from reality could ever get through the impenetrable jamming field that is Starlight Glimmer's skull, she'd never have gotten on her supervillainess kick in the first place. So I hope she enjoys the Pocket Dimension Of Eternal Pain, because at the rate she's going I think her reservation just got booked for week after next Tuesday.
Great story, always loved it when discord shows what true chaos can be.
Well done
5834078
Not what I have planned, no. Besides, insane earth ponies can be vastly more dangerous than crazy unicorns under the right circumstances. Unicorn magic isn't designed to alter the fundamental nature of reality.
5834282 5834598
I seem to have a lot of fun with powerful, crazy characters. Discord, Pinkie Pie, Twilight... It's fascinating to see what great power does to people, especially those with less than intact sanity.
5834284
That and Lovecraft, yes. Discord is basically a more whimsical Nyarlathotep.
5835215
Not even Twilight knew about Discord. It's unclear how long he spent petrified, and it only took a millennium for the world to forget Luna and the Crystal Empire.
In "Return of Harmony," the world just outside the outskirts of Ponyville is perfectly normal, as seen when most of the Mane Six are tracking down Rainbow Dash. (Well, other than the buffalerinas en pointe-ing about the countryside.) It seems that Discord was getting the most out of his chaos capital before branching out across Equestria.
And yeah, between her defeat and her dreaming, Starlight was even less in her right mind than normal, which is exactly how Discord wanted her.
What? It can't be! It... it's impossible! A story involving Discord where he's... likable?!
This is Discord we're talking about. The guy who's a obnoxious dick 24/7 but still expects people to put up with him because he's not making everyone's life unpleasant, which apparently constitutes redemption. And he's still claiming to be a better friend than someone else.
And... and...
And he's right, in this case. And he's channelling his dickishness into semi-constructive ways and focussing it on those who deserve it, showing he's learning. A portrayal which we'll have to wait and see if the show manages, and I'm not holding out hope.
...
Carry on.,
5831432 I didn't mean it was actually feminist. I meant it's like what I'd imagine a current-era internet feminist-ran dystopia would be.
5831491 ... I don't even really understand what point you're trying to argue. A female ruler has nothing to do with how I view the markless episodes. I simply said it was as if it were a feminazi dystopian society. She is literally pushing equality onto everyone through force, while not subjecting herself to the same rules. That's what current age INTERNET feminism does. "I want to be able to get the same salary as a man for the same job, but I also have to be able to get paid for maternal leave, and men can't look at me because that's RAPE, but I'll look at hunks because they're not wearing shirts so they're okay with getting ogled, and men have to hold doors open for me and treat me like a princess, but hey, that's equality for those sexist pigs!" (Note that that might be a little exaggerated, but I've had a near-identical rant thrown in my face by customers at the bakery I worked at.)
5832102 Again, missing my point. Yes, I noticed all the communism things as well. But, to paraphrase the above a bit: Late 2000s Internet Feminism: "Grr, I must be pampered and treated as special because I'm a woman, and therefore better than all of you. That's Equality!" The Nazi remark is more for the fact that it's over the top. Yes, communism's all about equality in being shit at everything or whatever, but no one overdid world domination like the Nazis, which is exactly what Glimmer seemed to want. The entirety of Equestria in her control. "The Princesses don't run things the right way, time to put myself on the throne, using Equality!" And that's also where the Big Brother/Sister (or equivalent) of 1984 comes into play; everyone's the same except for a small group that wish to be different, and bam, down with the system.
5834168 Tell me about it. Does the above help at all? I really don't know how to rephrase it any better...
5835433
This... doesn't resemble any version of feminism, ever. There may be women out there who use these concepts, but that's not feminism.
Feminism says: I want to be able to get the same salary as a man for the same job, and I want maternity leave, and I want men to be able to take paid paternity leave. Because as long as men can't get paid paternity leave, and women can, women are forced to be the one to take time off to take care of the kids, even if the man wants to and the woman doesn't.
Men can look at me, but if they catcall me in the street and go out of their way to make me uncomfortable then that's a psychological assault, and women doing the same thing to random men in the street would be just as bad, except that that never happens.
Men do not have to hold open doors for me. If I hold open doors for them, they should not be jackasses about it and treat me as if I just tried to cut off their balls because I did something nice. Men should not deliberately slam doors in my face, because that is being a jackass. Everyone who gets to the door first should hold the door open for whoever gets there second, regardless of gender, unless they're too busy to do so or have a handicap that prevents it, because that's just being a nice human being.
I don't doubt that you have heard individual women making this incoherent mess of an argument, but feminism, as a movement, has never, does not, and will never have this as a platform. There are feminists that the rest of us have to own up to as part of the movement, much as we wish they weren't, who are misandrist and transphobic, but even they would never argue that men should open doors for women; no one in the feminist movement thinks men should hold doors open for women, specifically, rather than people holding doors open for people. It's actually a kind of iconic "how we know you're not a feminist" concept. Most feminists who seriously argue for and work toward concepts like paid maternity leave are also in favor of paid paternity leave. Few modern feminists have a problem with men appreciating female beauty, but catcalling women in the street or groping them in bars is not appreciating their beauty, it's harassing them, and we don't think it's ok for women to do it to men either.
The women who make these sorts of arguments have gathered together a bunch of ideas from feminism that sound good and put them together with their own sexist upbringing to produce a melange of ridiculous ideas that basically suggest that men are the root of all evil and women can't do anything bad (which is not what feminists believe -- even the misandrist ones hate the rest of us and believe we're evil, so obviously they think women can be evil), which is itself sexist as it suggests that women can't experience the full range of human emotion. You see this kind of shit in Cosmo (which is not feminist in the slightest) where they make all kinds of psycho suggestions for horrible things women can do to men that they think are cheating on them, like they think women can't be found guilty of assault. Some women may claim these ideas are feminist, but actual feminists would call them out and call bullshit.
Mostly what has happened here is that you've encountered some women who are idiots. Idiots are everywhere, so this is unsurprising. However, I've been involved in feminism for a very long time -- including right now. These arguments don't remotely resemble current feminism. The closest is the one about "women should get the same pay as men and also maternity leave", which does sound totally incoherent if you leave out the part about "and men should get paternity leave".
And, because I've talked a lot about stuff that actually has nothing to do with the story...
This is a great story. I love Discord being a "sinister good guy". One thing I hate about reforming villains -- and overall, I love reforming villains -- is how they often get nerfed in the process, so when they were villains, they were suave master manipulators and then when they're reformed, they're total idiots who can't do anything right. I like Discord as the sinister manipulator but he's never shown that way except when he's a villain, and I like reformed Discord, so normally I'm stuck.
But this is excellent. Starlight Glimmer has exactly the sort of ideology that Discord would despise, and with "I'm defending my friends" and "I'm protecting Equestria from a greater evil" as his justifications, I suspect he would be willing to do far, far worse than he was willing to do just for the lulz... and we all know how far Discord was willing to go just for lulz. And Starlight being reduced to a spluttering idiot would normally be a dumb example of authorial bias, but here, it's an example of how Discord totally does not play fair. With his failure against Tirek looming large in his mind, Discord wants a roach-stomping, albeit one he can justify to his friends as not having really done anything wrong... and he gets one. After all, all he did was give Starlight a nightmare. Anypony telling a scary tale to a filly before bed has probably done the same thing! That isn't so terrible, now is it? :-)
5835484 I spoke with a friend about this, and he's helped me realize my mistake. I meant internet feminism. Tumblr feminazism. And I've met people like that IRL, so I (probably rather stupidly) shoved it all under a "current era" banner. I like the thought of equality. 60s and so feminism was great. They got more rights and shit. They became more equal. But nowadays internet feminists want their cake, and want to eat it, too. They want cis-gendered males to go die in a hole (rather, the most extreme ones do), or to at least bow and scrape and supplicate themselves to the superior matriarchy (and while I'd be fine with females ruling, I'd rather it be sane ones, thank you!). Feminists who actually have brain cells dedicated to not being the stupidity of Internet Feminism, and are actual humans, I have no qualms with. I should have worded my statements better, and for that I apologize. The episodes still made me think of Tumblr/Internet/whatever feminism when I first saw them, and I found it hilarious at how it was put in a kid's show in a more correct format.
Equality isn't about all being the same as everyone else (1984), nor is it about purging, converting, or brainwashing others into the fold (Feminazi, Nazis, 1984 again, communism, psycho religions/cults). Equality is about understanding the differences between yourself and those around you, and helping to grow each other's strengths, cover each other's weaknesses, and be friends.
And, sorry to say, but I didn't read your entire post, and I apologize for that. I skimmed it, but most of it is just reiterating how current-age feminism is still old-school feminism. That's cool, and I thank you for taking the time to try and educate me on it, but it's a bit over the top when I had specifically said that that was a paraphrased rant I'd gotten from some crazy chick who didn't want me, a man, to touch the cake she had ordered, despite the fact that I was the only one between the two of us allowed to actually pull it from the Employee's Only refrigerated case.
Umm, erstwhile means former, so are you saying Twilight no longer has companions?
Excellent fic. You made a dark, yet somewhat just Discord, and it worked very well. His reasoning about Luna was frightening, and even if that exact scenario didn't play out, something very similar could've. The fact that Starlight Glimmer is likely destined to return to stir up a new shitstorm doesn't bode well for her either. Hopefully she sincerely learns a valuable lesson about friendship and Discord buys it, because otherwise I don't envy that pony. Discord's warning was seriously scary in its implications of his power. Have a green thumb and a star, my friend.
5835520
That a good "I don't even," a bad one, or just a general inability to even?
5835545
No, that's just what happens when I see a word used enough times that I mistakenly think I've grasped the meaning through context. I thought it was a synonym for "noble". Thanks for the catch. 
5835484 Yeah, and might I add "feminazi" is a term coined by Rush Limbaugh as a means of strawmanning and discrediting all attempts to point out the problem.
Smart
I like how you write Discord, nice work
5831237 Actually there is only one other being who can move the sun and moon. Discord himself.
And that's the reason he's not Captain Goodguy.
Well, it's written excellently. No doubt about that.
But the Discord-threatening-already-defeated-villain thing feels... almost a little old. I mean, there wasn't anything really surprising about this. He's using his all-powerful magic to bully a smaller fish.
That doesn't mean I'd downvote this, heck no! Again, it's a good piece. But it didn't really give me anything, so I can't upvote it either.
Best of luck!
Everything Glimmer stands for is shit. Good to see old discord reminding her of exactly what she is.
I hate dealing with people like Glimmer, where no matter what you say or do they will always think themselves in the right. People who will claim that they are stronger than you even though you're beating them, that they're smarter than you while you're teaching college classes at MIT, that they know better even though every plan they come up with always fails.