• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
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Forget not that I am a derp.


Since Luna's return, the diarchs' discussions have ranged from pleasantly inane small talk to world-shaking affairs of state. Sometimes both at once.

Inspired by Estee's The Elements of Elements collection. Now with a reading by Pony&Wolf Productions.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 95 )

I like it. Another! :pinkiecrazy:

Hah! Luna's parting shot was deadly. :derpytongue2:

Hahaha! I've always liked these kind of stories!

This was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. You NEED to make more stories like this :pinkiehappy:


With "Ever Billowing" I thought it might have something to do with Celestia's billowing hair, instead of the obvious one. But no. Ah well, this was fun nonetheless.

Oi, this woz a good un, it was. Silly, but a good silly

You deserve both a cookie AND a medal:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I read the title, description, and chapter title, all the while repeating to myself "there's no way that this is just straight up a fart joke".

This was beautifully dumb, have a like.

That was curiously well-rounded for its subject matter.

7731417 Her mane is billowing in her broken wind.

So if she holds it in long enough, I assume she begins to float?

Everyone's entitled to a dumb story now and again. I'm calling in one of mine.

You, sir, are entitled to write as many dumb stories as you want. You earned the right. And we enjoy the results.

By the way, 'a smile like a crescent moon' is now one of my fav Luna references.

Funny idea. I just wish you went a little further with it.

I came here expecting fart jokes. I was not disappointed.

The part with the nobles was particularly grand.

Even the matter of what to call the meal when one sister had breakfast while the other had dinner was a matter of some debate among the castle staff, though not as much as in other worldlines.


Twilight Sparkle was quiet for quite some time. Fantasia took a measured sip of her coffee. Twilight stared into her teacup.

"You know," Twilight said slowly, "this explains so much."

"It does?" Fantasia said, curious despite herself.

"Like the pre-classical holiday of Howloween," Twilight said, finally taking a sip of her now-cold tea and falling into a much more comfortable lecturing mode. "From which Nightmare Night took many of its traditions."

"I'm aware, Princess," Fantasia said, rolling her eyes. "It's not like it's our most important celebration or anything." Then she stopped and stiffened. "Wait. You're not saying ...?"

"The old legends of the Three Tribes say Princess Luna was out defending Equestria alone because her sister was feeling ill after an especially hearty banquet. Luna was defending a settlement on the borders of pony lands from an incursion of timberwolves, and though she fought with the strength of a hundred ponies, she was being slowly overwhelmed. Then, suddenly, every single timberwolf began howling at once, and fled Equestria in a mad rush --"

Hooves slammed to the table. Twilight looked up, startled.

"They were spooked by the arrival of chiropteron reinforcements," Fantasia hissed.

Twilight blinked. "Well, yes, that's what the legends have always said, but when you consider the unity of the wolves' retreat, and the fact that they were sprinting directly away from Everfree Palace --"

"They. Were. Spooked. By. The. Arrival. Of. Chiropteron. Reinforcements,"

The two locked stares for a moment -- Fantasia trembling in unexpected fury, Twilight's eyes wide in surprise.

Finally, Twilight tore her gaze away from the captain, drained the rest of her tea in one gulp, and coughed. "Reinforcements," she said. "Naturally."

I don't know what Celestia is so ashamed of. Helium is quite the noble gas, after all.

Well, it's good that you decided to let this story... get some air. :trollestia:

Everyone needs to do a Mel Brooks style comedy every now and again.

7731652 *slow clap* And the award for the Dad Joke of the Day goes to you, sir. Here, have an Internet Cookie :ajsmug:

Everybody enjoys a good fart joke :pinkiehappy:

What, no references to her being a gas giant? I'm disappointed. :trollestia:

And here it was that I thought helium was a common part of pony physiology, what with pegasi and all that.

Congrats on making the featured list

Has the singular form of chiroptera always been spelled chiropteron? Because I was under the impression that it was spelled chiropteran.

Also, Captain Fantasia. Awesome name.

So, when a chiroptera hears a moth fart, it totally knows to go hunting. I see...

Also I'm seeing a bit of thestral/batpony/chiroptera headcannon in there, Foamy. So, if they came from the realm of dreams... uhh... crossover with Neil Gaiman's Sandman? :pinkiesmile:

Oh. And this story is the stupid dumbs. Write more stupid dums, Foamy! :V

Just don't try lighting anything near her when that happens. If there's any sort of ban on smoking in the palace, the motives ain't just for healthy lungs.


then it would be time to panic

So what's up with Captain Fantasia and her dignity? I don't get it.

Whereas Celestia's was silent. :trollestia:

"Beautifully dumb" is the best praise I can realistically hope for with this story.

This is what happens when you overthink everything; even your dumb ideas get some heft.

I'm pretty sure that by the time there would be enough gas to lift her, it would be too compressed to do so. It actually makes for an interesting physics problem. ("Assume a spherical princess.")

That said, she can definitely use it to cheat on a diet. "Of course I'm losing weight. Didn't you see the scale?"


She was a gas giant when she was younger. Now that she's part of the establishment, she's gone all main sequence on us. Lame.

That may be Word of Faust, but one must always remember that that came from the woman who created Pinkie Pie.

I knew this story would either get me featured or lose me several followers. Glad to see it's the former, though there's still time for the latter.

I'm afraid you're mistaken. The name's based on bat taxonomy.

The chiroptera didn't come from the dream realm; it's just that they're able to tend to their dreams, something nopony else but Luna can do.


B-but Pinkie? That's how Equestria was made!


That was an absolute gas to read. :rainbowlaugh:

So what you're saying here is that Celestia's ass is an echolocation beacon? Do thestrals in close proximity get mental sonograms of Celestia's butt every time she farts?

Ladies and Gentlemen:

They will never not be funny!

This was insanely funny, I had no idea about the twist... Have a like and a favorite for stupendous story, and writing ability!

She's going to laugh so hard, she'd break any metaphors I would use.

Based on the pun and the description, I was terrified that this was going to turn into a fetish story.

I'm sorry for jumping to that conclusion, EnthusiastForLargelyAllSubjectMatter.

Did you know that the first ever recorded joke was a fart joke? It was from ancient Sumeria or Babylon, can't exactly remember which one. It's about 4000 years old.



Makes sense, butts are inherently funny :rainbowlaugh:

Just the word itself is hilarious. Butt. b-b-BUTT. :rainbowlaugh:

Captain Fantasia,

That's an awesome name.

"I do have a reputation to uphold."

Celestia could practically hear Luna roll her eyes. "Yes, a reputation as a statue of gilded marble, equine in form only, built to dispense wisdom without doing something so grossly mundane as feel or bleed or fart."

Lovely way to put it.

It's a very serious topic, mentioned in such an eccentric way, I love it.


Everyone's entitled to a dumb story now and again.

Aye, I hold to that.

Funny little story! Great work!


Bonus points for using this word.

HJahahah, this... this was all my yes.

Bat Ponies. A part of the Dreamscape itself battling off the creatures of nightmare to defend the unaware ponies.... Best batpony species backstory ever! Also, cool name for them.

So....Celestia is really Rygel?:twilightoops::rainbowderp:

Do you think you could maintain your composure when you learned that one of the god-queens of your nation avoided your kind because you're the only ones who can hear her fart? I know I couldn't.

... That wasn't my intent, but it would explain why she's so uncomfortable. And now I'm imagining a chiropteron proctologist quietly informing her of an issue he just heard about.

It's a pony story built around a periodic element. I wanted to give credit where it was due.

When in doubt, look at the rating and tags. Also, I can promise that I'll never write clop, fetishistic or otherwise. Not on this account, anyway.

It's always fun to slip in antiquated bits of vocabulary into Luna's dialogue.


Just don't try lighting anything near her when that happens. If there's any sort of ban on smoking in the palace, the motives ain't just for healthy lungs.

I hate to spoil the party, but you're thinking of hydrogen. Hydrogen is very flammable. Helium is a noble gas; it does basically nothing under any normal chemical conditions.

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