• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
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Forget not that I am a derp.


It's time for the Wonderbolts' weekly media roundup. This time around, the newest member has a simple question with a rather complex answer.

An entry in Estee's Ship Sinkers contest. The following story was written solely to fulfill that contest's prompt and does not reflect the author's opinion towards any potential pairings between small cartoon horses. Please think before commenting.

Spoilers for S6E7, "Newbie Dash." Rated Teen for some oblique references to rear orifices and potential uses thereof.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 55 )

Ha! You stick with that headcanon, Dash! So, who exactly is in that threesome: Soarin, Spitfire, and Daring Do, or is a self-insert involved?

That looks like a cool contest. Extremely tempted, but I'm certain I can't come up with anything that fast.

Rated Teen for some oblique references to rear orifices and potential uses thereof.

Dammit Foamy stahp. Being the perv I am, you know this is the kind of stuff that attracts my attention :rainbowlaugh:

(insert moth and flame reference here)

Let's hope this time Estee gets the title of your story right in her blog post. :derpytongue2::trollestia:

The Wonderbolts clearly don't have an idea just how weird life in Ponyville can be.

What's this about a coffee table? Is that a reference to something I'm not getting? :rainbowhuh:

Good luck in the contest. I've been editing the next chapter of Clover obsessively and in mounting frustration all month, so it was only yesterday that I sat down and began to write my entry. Here's hoping I can finish it on time.

As far as they're concerned, it's just another small farming town like any other. The idea that it's where mind-blowing weirdness lives is one they've just started to learn.

Just Daring Do and the Wonderbolts. Spectrum Sprint doesn't get involved until the sequel. :rainbowkiss:

We can only hope. :raritywink:

That's what happens when there's a royally mandated gag order the media doesn't pay attention to their exploits for some strange, purely innocuous reason.

Fingers crossed, especially given the pairing you picked.

"Twilight's coffee table" is my favorite way of jokingly referring to the Cutie Map.


"Twilight's coffee table" is my favorite way of jokingly referring to the Cutie Map.

Ah, right, right. And thanks, it is going to be... 'interesting' :eeyup:

I got the witchweed reference.

I applaud you for this brilliance :pinkiehappy:

7511125 You and I have very similar theories about why the Elements of Harmony don't get any respect in a world that they've saved multiple times.

I respect the classics, especially when they provide a magical performance enhancer.

When Canterlot ponies don't recognize someone who was part of a public medal ceremony a few months earlier, something suspicious is going on. I considered mentioning the Harmonious Normalcy Initiative in the story, but every potential place to slip it in would've intruded on the plot and thrown off the story's flow.

Twilight's coffee table. Best nickname.


When you consider that Fluttershy's little brother knew, who is as lazy as lazy can be, and who Fluttershy doesn't even SPEAK TO, and whom their parents don't seem to speak to unless they HAVE TO, and HE'S the one who brings up the mane six have saved the world multiple times, it may be a cultural attitude rather than a conspiracy. (Note the ponies who go from terrified to prancing along their business in less than a second when the changelings get blown away).

Wonderful story.
You should make a blog post where people can submit the best Wonderbolt headlines. :trollestia:

Given how Zephyr's lived at home off and on several times, it's possible that he heard it secondhoof from Fluttershy's parents. (And besides, given how he has them pretty much at his beck and call until Fluttershy demands otherwise, I don't think their relationship is as antagonist as you make it out to be.) Even if Fluttershy herself didn't tell them of her exploits, Rainbow Dash certainly did. Indeed, any conspiracy would be hard-pressed to compete with Dash tooting her own horn.

Oh dear. Did I just accidentally argue against my own point? :derpyderp1:

Still, there are cultural attitudes, and then there's no one in town recognizing one of the mares who thwarted a god. Or refusing to let an alicorn cut in front of you as you're waiting for a cab. Or that same alicorn being lumped in as part of a group of "ne'er-do-wells" by someone who directly interviewed her. Really, even if there isn't a coverup, Manehattan is weird.


Ponies in canon seem to have an attitude of 'it's been a whole second since a monster was trying to eat us, let's go back to our happy lives and pretend it didn't happen.' I think they just have a mental block on acknowledging how often their perfect society has been endangered by evil overlords who see a land ripe for conquering.

Given how the Flower Trio seem to represent what happens when ponies take the alternate view, maybe that's a good thing...

Rainbow Dash: Twilight, where's the Cutie Map?
Twilight (waves a hoof vaguely in the direction of a large book pile): Somewhere under there. I haven't gotten reshelved down to the bottom level yet because Spike has been off visiting my mother in Canterlot for the week. Something about cooking lessons.
RD: (looks at pile and whistles) Are there any books not in that pile? Anyway, Pinkie and my cutie marks have been flashing for most of a week, and Rarity and Fluttershy's started up yesterday, and now everybody's having a blink fit. Do you think we're missing anything?

Two miles away, in a secret basement meeting room:

Torch stood up, brushing some dust off of her yellow coat. "This meeting of the Campfire Society is now called to order. Flametrail? Membership report?"

Flametrail, whose yellow hoof had been tracing a slow circle around the room as she mumbled under her breath, finished counting and nodded. "Fifty-three present, well past quorum."

"Excellent. And our financials?"

"Alright." Flametrail's mouth quirked into a mild frown. "Could be better."

"We'd be fine if it weren't for Cloudsdale repealing that rent-control law," Burner interjected, crossing her yellow forelegs.

Torch sighed. "We'll convene a committee. Might be time to look into a lease-to-own deal on some cloud property. Blaze? Media report?"

Blaze and Spitfire simultaneously stood up, grim looks on their muzzles.

"Rainbow Dash is on to us," Blaze said.

Torch froze.

"She knows about the magic pool," Spitfire said. "And we can't advise the usual 'accidental' termination. Way too close to the Princesses."

A murmur swept through the room.

Torch winced. "Well, I hear the Neighchelles are particularly lovely this time of year ..."

Also, dat punchline. :trollestia:

I like that clone air force idea, and am a bit curious about just what would happen if Surprise and Pinkie met.

"I'm sure it's not that important."

"How do you know?"

"When it's really important, the map gives me a mission to clear it o—" Twilight cut herself off as she looked at her own flashing cutie mark. "I really hope that only started just now."

Just wait until they find out about Tom. Assuming they haven't already extricated him from the Mirror Pool's entrance

Surprise staggered out of Sugarcube Corner, her coat and mane streaked with flour, frosting, and numerous other foreign substances. Gummy had somehow wedged himself into her tail. "Wow. I've been through hurricanes less intense than that."

Dash managed to pick her jaw up off of the ground. "I thought you were just going to bake together."

"We did."

"Then... how!?"

"I have no idea." Surprise gave a weary but genuine grin. "But I'm definitely going to try to figure it out next time!"

Finally, she put back Daring Do and the Totally Awesome Threesome, shrugged, and said, "Eh. Still my headcanon."

What? What does that have to do with anything?

Firstly, please use spoiler tags when quoting the last line of the story. :ajbemused:

Secondly, who did you think the other two members of the threesome were?

7519303 I dunno, Quibble Pants? Daring Do?

I'm just confused since this has nothing to do with the story.

Consider the entire reason the story was written, as indicated in the description. Consider the argument, the question that argument answered, and Dash's beliefs prior to it.

Any help?

7519399 The story centered around all the tabloid articles that are written about the Wonderbolts.

Which has nothing to do with... oh... wait...

"So, uh, why wouldn't it work?" The wing fidgeting was just a cooldown exercise for preventing cramps. Same for Dash's eyes darting from side to side. Eye cramps were the worst. "You know, just out of curiosity."

Wait a second...

Daring Do and the Totally Awesome Threesome

Ooooooooooooohhhh... I get it...

Holy shit... that's Frickin hilarious.

"The Royal Enquirer claims that Blaze is a clone of Spitfire."

Oh. Uhm.

*cough, cough*

*Ahem, ahem*

*throat clearing noises*

SPIT TAKE. :pinkiegasp:

Well, I guess I did already mention my headcanon on one of your blogs, afterall! :trollestia:

Thanks for putting that in, I'm already seeing it spread throughout the comments. :pinkiesmile:

And even if this story attempted plausible deniability, I'll just go with Dash's stance on such things. "Still my headcanon." :derpytongue2:

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #92.

My review can be found here.

Favorite parts of this were Dash's half-confirming the plausibility of some tabloid stories, and the bit with the redwood. That clever turn of phrase caught me completely off-guard. :rainbowlaugh:

Always good to see some interaction between soarin & spitfire. Dat punchline tho:rainbowlaugh:

At least half of those are fully true, aren't they?

The Wonderbolts Stunt Squadron™ can neither confirm nor deny that at this time.

If 'the Turnip' is based on the real life 'Onion', then I can see why quite a few ponies would believe it. For the Onion at least, some of their articles have a nasty habit of turning into real news. Or in hindsight predicting things with scary accuracy, like this one in the metaphorical sense.

Finally, she put back Daring Do and the Totally Awesome Threesome, shrugged, and said, "Eh. Still my headcanon."


Nicely done!

Fanon trumps reality of course.

I suspect it's physically impossible for anyone not from Ponyville to have a clue as to how weird things get there.

“And I still think you need to stop smuggling Califoalnia redwoods under your tail.”

The mental image this paints is... surprisingly pleasant. :rainbowhuh:


FoME, you are a legend. This is fantastic.

Mine too, Rainbow. Mine too…

Fantastic work :rainbowdetermined2:

Stunt cleared her throat with the force of a distant thunderclap. "Getting back on topic, according to the Stalliongrad Pronkda, Misty Fly is secretly a stallion."

"Oh yeah," said the thinnest, most streamlined mare in the room, "I'm just really good at hiding it."

Hmm... If most rumors have some truth, was thinking, if there's Poison Joke involved, this one could too...

But Flutterguy wasn't a Rule 63. That was just vocal...

Only problem is that sex-changing spells are basically impossible, as Magic Duel showed?

These sorts of comedy fics are usually a mix of big hits and smaller ones. The best one for me was the 'bending over' bit. Stalliongrad's a little iffy for mentioning gender over sex, but I suppose the three-letter word is kind of taboo in normal-rated fics anyway, so no biggie.

Fun oneshot, provided a much-needed smile. :twilightsmile:

Author Interviewer

That was a gem of a story :rainbowlaugh: This is my kinda comedy! Also love how that slowly dissolved into a full-fledged quarrel where they almost killed each other . Loved the characterization too, it was spot on. And, oof, I saw another peep talking about this but ah...I still didn’t quite get it...sorry.:twilightblush:

Finally, she put back Daring Do and the Totally Awesome Threesome, shrugged, and said, "Eh. Still my headcanon."
it wasn’t painfully obvious to me...um, did she write the steamy column, or was that a fanfiction? And... was she writing herself as Daring Do, or as one included in the “threesome?” Perhaps only a few of us misunderstood it, but the whole mention of “three” is what’s kinda throwing me off. If it’s suppose to be a Soarin x Spitfire headcanon, why is Dash there? I mean, I know it’s obviously her story, but it makes it a little harder to decipher what the heck its suppose to mean. In short: dOeS dASh SHip iT oR dOesN’T shE?

But don’t get me wrong, I adored this. It was thoroughly enjoyable and I’ll definitely be reading this over and over in the future!:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

To clarify, Dash wrote the fanfic, not the gossip column. And it is specifically Daring, Soarin', and Spitfire, because Twilight said... something. All Dash knows is that it was a three-hour lecture on the creative bankruptcy of self-fulfillment wish-inserts or something.

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