• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
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Forget not that I am a derp.


Twilight has noticed something. An anomaly. An illogicality. A discontinuity so stark that she must investigate.

Trixie just wants to make probably-legal fireworks in peace.

Set in early Season 7.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 103 )

“Snitching little coffee table.”

It wasn’t the table, it was the very small shiba inu that lives inside of it.

I approve of Alchemical & Supportive Trixie. :trixieshiftright: :twilightsheepish:

"You probably have more magic in your hoof trimmings than I do in my whole body.”

Surprised to hear Trixie admit this.

This was a nice little back and forth disguised as a head-canon dump. Not complaining as it was still entertaining and I've seen this done WAY worse.

I don't worry over the inconsistencies. Different writers after several years in between all the episodes that we've meticulously watched dozens of times tend to miss some of the details. That's why I like fanfiction like this so much to fill in some of the holes.

Patricia I've seen once or twice, myself. Never really cared for the real-world sounding names, though.

Maybe some day Twilight and Trixie will be able to get through a conversation without the snipes and barbs. But not today.

Heh, and once again, Miss Pie steals the show at the end.

Nice one!

Lovely little slice of character dialog work. Thank you so much for writing.

I dig your interpretation of Tricksy Little Hobbitses Lulamoon, (and nearly fell over laughing when I got to the A/N) so thank you for helping me start my day on a high note! This is good inspiration for my own future trixie-centric raving. Write on, friend!

Because I could use some help feigning interest in kites

Maud. You are Maud. Just use your existing ridiculously flat affect to ensure nocreature can tell that you're legitimately as bored out of your skull as you always sound.

“Well…" Twilight looked away, recognized the chemical formula she was now looking at, and tried to act like she didn't.

:facehoof: “Trixie? No Speed.”
:trixieshiftleft: “But I want iiiit...!

Magnificent dialogue! I can’t literally hear their voices! Though now I’m debating with myself if Trixie’s a Bella or Patty, or if her name really is just Trixie.

Again, great stuff!

"Oh, like you can't spare it. Keep reading."

Trixie raiding Twilight's castle for supplies/basic amenities will never not be funny.

“Everything does seem to be in order, including the official scorch mark.”

Scorched with only the finest lab accidents.

Trixie raised an eyebrow. “We had in the same Illusions and Phantasms lecturer for two years.”

Yeah, Sparkle, get with the program.

Twilight sighed. “Okay, fine, back then I was a shut-in who couldn’t see six inches in front of my muzzle because the book was in the way. Happy?”

Best admission

Twilight glowered. “I do not go ‘friendship friendship friendship,’” she said, imitating the gesture.

friendship friendship friendship ma-gic is this working?

“Snitching little coffee table.”

Just wait till you see the holo-Twi

“Because I could use some help feigning interest in kites.”

Dangit Maud XD

All of it! So good!

*Raucous laughter emerges from a nearby pond*

Oh, that was delightful. Simply delightful.

I think transmutation could be just that difficult. It's one of the few things we saw Twilight practicing during the show and frequently went wrong.

"Unfortunately for your show, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity were very much the wrong audience for it. Dash is a Wonderbolts fan, Applejack enjoys and occasionally competes in rodeos, and Rarity enjoys fashion shows and theater. "

"So, all action, no talk er at least no self promoting, everyone playing their assigned part."

The only thing more frightening than Trixie putting together illegal fireworks at the base of Twilight's castle is that she is going to be teaching in Twilight's school at some time.

"What, they survived, so they learned! Besides, we can always rebuild the alchemy lab. Again."


That last line got me wheezing with laughter. Well done.

Oh man, I love the characterisations in this story. I also like that Trixie's portrayed as a way sharper cookie than she lets on.

“Scootaloo is a filly,” said Twilight.

Trixie shrugged. “If you say so.

Sharp, and still oh so very Trixie. :rainbowlaugh:

Maud stood not even an inch out the door's arc. “Are the two of you entangling yourselves and Starlight in a horrible web of lies?”

Both other mares shared a look of panicked befuddlement. “Uh…”

“Because I could use some help feigning interest in kites.”

Gotta say, though... if Starlight ever finds out that her friendships are constructed on a substantial foundation of white lies... :twilightoops:


It wasn’t the table, it was the very small shiba inu that lives inside of it.

That's a Justice3442 thing, isn't it? :rainbowhuh:

Or did that originate from something else?

And her middle name is, of course, Hobbitses.

Headcannon accepted :pinkiecrazy:

Nah, realizing she actually knows what she's doing and's qualified to do so is more frightening.

You know, this make a lot of sense with Trixie relationship with Starlight. I prefer the theory that Trixie is an idiot-savant who can do spells other can't because she doesn't know they are impossible but your make her more smart. I approve.

Does your Trixie also experiment with some more magic new magic spells from time to time? She got to keep her show fresh after all... maybe something with Multiple mirrors this time... magician and mirrors... Oh the Mirror Pool! That could be something neat for her to mess with.

Another pegasus-biology-assisted deep breath. “Great and Powerful Mare at Work, Do Not Disturb,” Twilight read aloud.

Shouldn't it be Alicorn-biology-assisted? She have Earth Pony stuff mixed in too and they are very sturdy/sporty too.

Yeah, I was just referencing the MADverse.

There is a somewhat higher than zero chance that the Meticulous and Law-Abiding Trixie is actually the Mendacious and Expert-at-Forging Trixie. After all, she apparently sells these fireworks in back alleys...

:twilightoops: "How is that law-abiding?"
:trixieshiftright: "Trixie abides the laws that Trixie chooses to abide!"

Alondro finds canisters of various nitrates and perchlorates, as well as the ingredients with which he can easily produce various metal fulminates.

Slow, terrifying smile... "It's SHOWTIME!"

And now you know what true terror looks like. :pinkiecrazy:

Trixie enters Alchemiracles…

10 minutes later, Equestria explodes. :twilightoops:

Personally, I had always figured it was an issue of Trixie just having a different skill-set from the likes of Twilight, and that all the magic she typically performs in her shows was simply of the illusionary base which look impressive when performed, but are really just for show and serve little other practical purpose. E.g. that cited instance of manipulating a rainbow, which certainly looks impressive, but really where else are you going to use such magic except only on the stage?

Other spells such as transmutation and teleportation, however, are simply more complex, requiring levels of magic Trixie wasn't previously practiced or trained in, because it wasn't exclusively related to her career field of choice. (It, in fact, wouldn't surprise me if Trixie had past opportunities to learn such skills much earlier in her life, back when she was just getting started, but turned them down because she arrogantly thought at the time that they weren't applicable to her chosen career as a performer and didn't think she'd need them--it was only later with some more experience that she realized the potential such magic skills could have and now kicks herself for not having taken the time to learn sooner. :rainbowlaugh:)

But that's just how I'd always viewed it. I like this interpretation too, especially with the help for boosting Starlight's morale that goes with it. :twilightsmile:

Seems like most people have long assumed Trixie attended CSGU at some point, even before the comics portrayed it, so I say you're just following the norm on that. :raritywink:

friendship friendship friendship ma-gic is this working?


That was amusing timing. I literally just today was reading your FICG for All Bottled Up where you commented on the inconsistency between Trixie's magic levels in seasons 1 and 7. (Why yes, I am getting started on another Magic set, since you didn't ask :raritystarry:)

The alchemy was curiously unrelated to the main point of the fic, but highly entertaining background gubbins anyway. Thanks for the fic!

You've once again done it, Sensei! Seriously, you should've been a writer for the show :pinkiehappy:
Are you a writer for the show? :rainbowderp:

This is loads of fun to read -- you capture canon Trixie ("I know I'm great but what are you?") very well!

Now you need to write a companion piece where we find that Starlight has been leading Trixie on, as a way of building up Trixie's confidence... kind of a Gift of the Maud Pie thing (I mean, you've already got Maud, right there, so there you go...)

Nicely done!

Twilight Sparkle had grown accustomed to seeing the little purple wagon almost in spite of herself. Nestled as it was by the roots of her castle, it made her think a cat that had wandered into a house but steadfastly refused to admit it was anypony’s pet. Indeed, so did its owner.

Twilight had never considered herself much of a cat pony, even before meeting Opalescence.

Still, she knocked on the door. This is was more important than her own feelings on certain ponies who she had definitely forgiven for any past transgressions, since princesses were supposed to be forgiving and generous and she was of course a princess. Ergo, she didn’t hold a grudge. Quod erat demonstrandum.

That opening pretty much had me sold, both for the accurate description of Trixie and for the little nod to Twilight's unfortunate tendency to, ahem put cart before ponies in her personal development.

This is a brilliant way to reconcile the two versions of Trixie that we see, as well as some very believable interaction between the two. I could see this being canon.

I also appreciate your talent for having all those little 'human' moments throughout, like Twilight's reflexive dominance pose with her wings or her appreciation for pegasus lungs... Okay, I realize that I just used two explicitly non-human examples there, but my point is that they reflect the instincts and reflexive movements we have in such situations. It makes the scene feel more organic and real-to-life, which is an important thing to do when your characters are A) not human and B) live in a fictional world with its own rules. Also, the little bits of worldbuilding (like the lung capacity) make it feel like an actual place - once again, very important in fantasy. Tolkien would approve.

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Believe it or not, Sparkle, I do have some sense of restraint and humility and all that other boring stuff. You know, when I’m not wearing an evil soul-sucking amulet. And speaking as the Off-Stage and Adjectiveless Trixie—“

Twilight coughed into a fetlock.

“Fully aware of the irony."


Against her better judgement (and her worse judgement, and probably her mediocre judgement too,) Twilight did so.


Loved the inclusion of Patricia. Partially because it's not the norm, partially because it has significance to my family. Trixie should be proud.

Also, the fact that it was apparently the 'coffee table' that snitched was hilarious... and oddly plausible.

And that conclusion with Maud just about made me spit my drink laughing. Again, perfectly in character, in fine Pie form, totally unexpected.

I was just delighted by this: I have always felt the authors did a poor job with Trixie when they made her a recurring character, in that they made her not just a jerk (which I'm fine with) but also sort of an off-and-on idiot. The Great and Powerful One deserved better.

(The "lack of powerful magic" thing didn't bother me as much. Teleportation and transmutation should be hard, and "mane magic is hard" is something the writers pulled out of their ass long after because they couldn't think of a way to give Rarity a Bad Hair Day [1] otherwise)

[1] An otherwise dumb episode redeemed by the awesomeness that is Punk Rarity.

Something I go back and forth on calling Trixie sometimes is Galactrix. Because there was a racing horse mare called Galactrix, even. And the 'galactic' name harkens to the whole Twilight name expy.

I love the cold open about Trixie being rather like a cat that hangs around Twilight's castle. I'd say Trixie and her wagon add flavour to the castle, at least until Twilight opens a friendship school one bridge and moat away. It'll especially add character when Trixie's fireworks blow up on her and make a new hole in the castle :trixieshiftright:

That said, I always do love when a fic comes out with a competent Trixie!

I always figured the spell development cycle went something like this:
>Starlight, with no traditional training and a fresh perspective, has an idea.
>Sunburst lists off the twelve other times it's gone wrong, and how.
>Destructive testing interlude
>Twilight takes the "functional spell" and documents it (And also banishes the tentacles)
>Moondancer takes those notes and produces a version that non-demigods/hax unicorns can cast.
>Trixie wanders in and attempts to repurpose it for a completely unintended use (QA testing)
>A new spell is entered into the archives.

If kite enthusiasts are anything like train enthusiasts, I perfectly understand Maud's apprehension here. For reasons that I can't figure out, most of everyone I know in the pony fandom seems to have this impossibly detailed knowledge of every train that ever existed, while I'm sitting there wondering how everyone knows this stuff and hoping nobody asks me which 3-digit number is my favorite.


For reasons that I can't figure out, most of everyone I know in the pony fandom seems to have this impossibly detailed knowledge of every train that ever existed

...Huh. I could maybe see that from the Yugioh fandom, but pony?

3-digit number is my favorite

Go look up Pokemon or something.

Huh. Weird. Never realized the general Trainee-ness of the fandom before.

Honestly, my personal train knowledge comes due to both grandfathers having been model train nuts. I'm *not* a Trainee myself, but you can't help but pick stuff up when the only thing at their houses to read when visiting is every copy of 'Model Railroader' printed since 1934. Me, I liked the model scenery stuff. That was kinda neat.

i was going to respond to this, but 10091371 beat me to it.

:trixieshiftright: Trixie approves of all Trixies! Except those who fall outside of acceptable Trixie parameters, as defined by the Council of Trix.
Note: The Council of Trix may or may not actually exist.


Surprised to hear Trixie admit this.

She's more than willing to admit it when not admitting it increases the odds of her home and body experiencing an unscheduled detonation.

This was a nice little back and forth disguised as a head-canon dump. Not complaining as it was still entertaining and I've seen this done WAY worse.

Funny, I thought it was a headcanon dump disguised as a nice little back and forth. :derpytongue2: but yeah, good to hear that it went over well.

But yeah, finding ways to reconcile the contradictions can be a lot of fun. And one day, Twilight and Trixie may be able to keep the passive aggression to a relative minimum. Mind you, by that point, Luster Dawn may have already lived in Ponyville for a few years.

Thank you for reading. :twilightsmile: (I feel like we've been on the other end of this interaction before.)

Being told my story was good inspiration is one of the highest compliments I can aspire towards. Glad to hear it. (As for Trixie's middle name, that was actually my headcanoned last name for her back before her misnamed miniature gave us something more concrete to work with.)

Who disliked this? I shall have their head!

Also, time to go searching for a genderbent Scootaloo fic, thanks!

10090869 10091551
Maud, like any good rock farmer, thinks in the long term. Sure, she can rely on her flat affect now, but what about when Starlight can read her as well as Pinkie?
(This is the same mentality that has Pinkie planning her parents' five hundredth anniversary.)

I was going for something horribly volatile, possibly involving fluorine. Mind you, it still isn't something you should take internally.

Glad to hear the voices rang true enough to hear. :twilightsmile: (And i always go for Patty; it's so much more mundane, and therefore a perfect name for Trixie to loathe with all of her being.)


Trixie raiding Twilight's castle for supplies/basic amenities will never not be funny.

Agreed. She may even sell "authentic Twilight Sparkle memorabilia" when times get desperate and the crowd is less than open to a magic show.

Scorched with only the finest lab accidents.

Some organizations use watermarks to authenticate their membership cards. The Alchemists' Guild calls those people 'cowards."

Best admission

Trixie may or may not know the recording spell Twilight used in "The Mane Attraction." She may play that line to lull herself to sleep at some point(s) in the future. We cannot confirm at this time.

And hey, Twilight's two out of the three components of Princess Unikitty. And that's not counting the time she was an Espeon.

Reasonable explanations on all fronts. Well done.

10090974 10091017
One could argue that blowing up the alchemy lab is proof of Trixie's qualifications. (Note to 10091059: The guild membership is one thing. Getting a vendor permit in a town where you trapped the mayor in a giant birdcage for a week is quite another. Non-princess politicians are allowed to hold grudges.)

Trixie definitely has a lot of raw intellect, if not necessarily the opportunity or desire to hone it to its fullest. This naturally drives Twilight up a wall whenever she realizes it. Honestly, every unicorn is faced with a decision of "Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma: Pick two." (Most dump Wisdom. See Stygian for an example of dumping Charisma and Snails as an example of dumping Intelligence.)

Also a valid read on Trixie, but I still prefer this one. As for magical experimentation, whenever she gets that particular itch, she usually just points Starlight at the idea... though she might try to keep her bestie far away from the Mirror Pool. Trixie does have some sense of self-preservation.

As for the lungs, unicorns actually have a decent set themselves, given Rincewind Arcology Syndrome. But pegasi are the kings and queens in terms of volume per breath. Flight outpaces galloping in terms of metabolic demands as much as speed. (Pinkie's mane may act as a secondary reoxygenator. It definitely has the volume for it.)

Trixie beats Alondro about the head and shoulders with a broom. "Get out of my wagon, you... you... New Jerseyan!"

Also also a reasonable take on Trixie, especially the bit about kicking herself for not furthering her magical education when she had the chance. Though given how well her repertoire worked for neutralizing her hecklers, one could argue she missed her calling in the guard. Not necessarily in applying lethal force, but Trixie would make one heck of a crowd control officer.

The alchemy was there so neither mare could just escape the awkward conversation. It's a bit like locking two people in a room until they make up, except the lock is also a bomb and actually on the opposite side of the room from the door.

Also, looking forward to more sets. Sorry I wasn't available this weekend. :twilightsheepish:

No, apparently that's DrakeyC.

Ha! That is a great idea for a sequel. They probably don't admit it until after they inherit the School of Friendship.

Wonderful to hear you enjoyed it so much. Getting my bits of incidental worldbuilding likened to Tolkien is immensely flattering. (And appropriate, given Trixie's middle name. :derpytongue2:) May I ask for more about the personal significance of Patricia?

Oh, the whole hexproof hair thing was a transparent attempt to preserve the tension of the episode in spite of all logic. But I will never miss a chance to mock the show for it, especially in light of things like Trixie warping that very mane or good ol' #23.

I specialize in competent Derpy. If I'm writing someone, they're going to do what they do very well indeed.

Sounds about right. Not necessarily those specific ponies, mind you, but I have to think that together they revolutionize magic as Equestria knows it.

This rules. Great writing. 10/10.

We really do need more Trixie/Twilight banter in our lives.

Only a few pages into the story had me grinning at your perfect characterisation of Trixie.

From her addressing of Twilight as "Sparkle", to her short quips, you have her made.

Huh. It was nice to see the two of them chat for a bit. Fun read thank you for this.

10091858 Alondro looks down upon Trixie, "I'm not afraid of you. You see Trixie, you've reached the top of your power, while I'm only beginning to tap into mine! That's right, I have become the LEGEND!! The legend that you fear! I... ALONDRO... have become a SUPER NEW JERSAIYAN!!"


Aww. That was sweet. Discworld references are always good.

“Because I could use some help feigning interest in kites.”

:facehoof: Why am I not surprised?

...I'm fairly certain I had a bit that made that actually relevant to the story, but it has vanished into the aether.
Basically, approaches to magic. Twilight learns spells because they're there, regardless of utility. I'm pretty sure the one orange to frog spell was just oranges to frogs, for example? Starlight invents spells on the fly by strapping jet boosters on the closest schema she can think of. Trixie almost certainly chafed under learning stuff the first way, and probably doesn't have the direct oomph for the second. Cutting down an omniapplicable transmutation...

I am rambling again. tl;dr, Starlight is more Starswirl's successor than Twilight (in magical research, at least).

Well done, though my reconciliation is that Trixie is simply very good with convincing illusion magic - unfortunately for her, Ursa don't give a feather.

As for
how Starlight does her tuing, I actually have a working theory that she isn't talented in magic, per se, but instead in breaking rules. It explains her otherwise impossible CM magic, the time travel that violates causality, etc.

And her fondness for kites.

This was fun, though unexpected. Funexpected?


the frog that was turned into an orange was an accident. she was aiming for an apple and Pinkie knocked her beam off target


You know, this make a lot of sense with Trixie relationship with Starlight. I prefer the theory that Trixie is an idiot-savant who can do spells other can't because she doesn't know they are impossible but your make her more smart. I approve.

That's actually kindasorta my headcanon for Starlight!

Her cutie mark meddling and time-travel tricks both catch Twilight "I like Encyclopedia of Magic as light bedtime reading" Sparkle totally by surprise, and she self-levitates with little effort, when in Crystal Empire pt. 2 Twilight clearly has a hard time doing it. My explanation is that Starlight's a mostly self-taught sorceress; she has the brains and magical power to excel in magical academia, but she never got into formal magic schooling, and never internalized the current thaumaturgical paradigm. Thus, instead of assuming that swapping cutie marks around is impossible, she assumes it can be done, and eventually figures out a way to do it. As for self-levitation, I imagine it's a trick of perspective: unicorns are so used to reaching out with their magic to levitate things, they try to do it with themselves, but can't pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. The trick lies in not trying to lift yourself, but pushing against the world and letting the ensuing reaction move you.

(Apologies to FoME for magic headcanon stuff. It's my weakness! :twilightsheepish:)

Nice story. As for the title... I honestly don't know whether I should applaud or say shame on you for the pun. I am conflicted. But it was a very nice story, which bears repeating. Hobbitses, heh heh.

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