• Member Since 11th Oct, 2013
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Okay, I admit it, I'm probably not your mom. But odds are I'm old enough to be. Now with Patreon account (under alarajrogers) and short stories on Amazon (under Alara Rogers).



Parcel Post, the long-missing mailpony who delivered Discord's ticket to the Gala, staggers into work to explain where he's been. Spoilers for "Make New Friends But Keep Discord", but not serious ones.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 95 )

heh...great fic...

Still not as bad as Mrs. Cake. :raritywink:

Hilarious through and through. (Though I get the feeling that Derpy would've made a direct delivery somewhat more easily, if only because half of the denizens of Discord's domain would avoid her out of either fear or respect. Of course, I'm horribly biased in that regard.) Thank you for this.

My original plan was to have the job given to Derpy after Parcel refused... but then I realized that Fluttershy's letters have been getting through easily, so the obvious solution is to send Discord's mail to Fluttershy. Though if a package too large for Fluttershy to transmit it comes through for Discord, I think they will definitely ask Derpy to take it next time. :-)

Am I a bad person for finding his torment hilarious:pinkiehappy:
Also update at least one of your story (preferably Oppositions) before writing a one shot for the episode (also him flinching from pinkie gives a lot of credence to your abuse discord headcannon)

5992293 Also big green things with teeth. Is Discord green enough to count?

Parcel Post's name comes from the transcript here; I don't know if that's his official name or not, but that's what I'm going with.

Wiki says he's named in merchandise. In the card game, specifically.
Also, I want to see Parcel Post and Stanley (from Going Postal) in a room together. The stamp geekery shall last forever!

needs more glom of nit


Though I get the feeling that Derpy would've made a direct delivery somewhat more easily, if only because half of the denizens of Discord's domain would avoid her out of either fear or respect. Of course, I'm horribly biased in that regard.

You know, I think we have every right being biased in such a way. After filching through ancient tomes of forbidden knowledge, interviewing residents of Dunwich, referencing several unsettling diagrams and considering that a cutie mark is supposed to show what you are best at doing, I have recently concluded that Derpy is the pony equivalent of Lavinia Whateley.
I am since scared of her and even more scared about the prospect of Dinky being her daughter.

In other words, I agree that Derpy would be perfectly qualified in navigation the haphazard geometry of DIscord's domain and deliver him his mail.

The real question here is: How do Ponies get into Discord's pocket dimension in the first place? Is there some sort of portal near Ponyville or something? I hope it doesn't spew out a constant stream of chaotic creatures.


Shhh. Don't give Discord ideas...

Most likely it used to, then Fluttershy found some of the poor things wandering around confused and insisted to Discord that he barricade his portals so his creations can't get out, because a world of stability and order confuses and upsets them badly, and frequently they have specialized diets that can't be satisfied in Ponyville, such as the dog-like critters with fans for faces that only eat green jelly beans off of jelly vines. (Pinkie might be able to come up with enough green jellybeans to feed one, but they run in packs.) So now if you don't have the quantum signature of an Equestrian denizen, you can't get out. (Which strongly suggests that a random human ending up in Equestria who went through the portal wouldn't be able to get back out again, either, but no, I'm not going to cross the streams and have Discord defeat Anon from Not the Hero that way. :-))

As soon as i saw that scene in the show, i was thinking 'oh, so that's what Equestria's version of the continuum looks like, instead of the two versions from Voyager (the desert highway and the civil war re-enactment).

Is that space going to show up in the Discord-is-Q fic series? I'd love to see how you spin this.

There is so much potential for fanfics now since we know that Discord can travel to another dimensions.

Also i bet Flutershy must have visited his pocket dimension at least once to see the creatures there.

I don't know what I'm gonna do there; it's totally consistent with what I've previously established in my Q fics of Q having his own pocket dimension residence in the Continuum, but Discord's behavior is so childish in this episode, I find it hard to imagine Q being genuinely this clueless. I mean, the outrageous jealousy is totally in character but the sudden revelation of "Wow, I can have more than one friend? That's a thing?" is kind of absurdly immature. I'll have to think about how I would fit that into a framework of him being Q.

5992716 It could be Q in your one shot that discord is child Q (the one you wrote about in your blog)

As soon as I saw the word "birbs", I knew this was going in my favorites.

Poor ol Parcel can't catch a break, can he?




I stopped reading just to comment right now. Binjas. You, alara, win life. You win life, the universe, and everything. Binjas. How the hell do you come up with this stuff?

The binjas were brilliant. Props to your British friend for coming up with that. This was really fun and ridiculous to read. XD Well done!

As soon as that episode was over, I remember thinking "I can't wait to see what alararogers makes of this." The fact that Parcel Post didn't resign on the spot is really impressive, I can see what kind of dedication the EPS is made off! I kind of assumed his name was Love Letter, since he has a heart in the middle of his letter cutie mark, but you can't argue with a transcript. I think Post should just be glad he never met the puppet, I suspect that puppet is a lot more terrifying than anything in Discord's Playhousedemiplane.

5992716 Besides the incredibly obvious ship-baiting, I think another reason Discord was bothered is his age. There seems to be numerous references to this. Discord puts on an old-timey outfit when he storms out of Fluttershy's cottage. "No biggie, as the foals say." "So much funnier than unfunny old Discord!" "I'm centuries old!" I think that's partly to ironically make Discord the square 50s throwback who doesn't understand Fluttershy's cool new stoner friend, but the fear that he is way too old to relate to a mortal, who would prefer other mortals, is definitely something that could throw Discord off, or even Q (the first time around, assuming Q in Equestria is set before Star Trek).

The scenes where Discord goes around to most of the Mane 6 and tries to cadge an invitation off them actually reminded me of some of the earlier chapters of Not the Hero, with D desperately trying to get the girls on his side, and becoming increasingly frustrated as he can't.

Thank you for dedicating this story to the mail pony that 'tragically' got snatched by the flying fish. I called it a flying fish because it kinda looked like one.

Poor Parcel Post :pinkiesad2:

If you loose 6 words, you will have the registry-number of the USS Enterprise NCC 1701.

What, nothing about Mrs. Cake? :derpytongue2:

Great little short!

What I thought when I saw the poor bastard manage to deliver the ticket to discord was "now that is a bloody hero. Above and beyond the call of duty."

The entire Last Draconequus series is consistent with Discord being Q as a child; this is why I was so vague about what happened to the draconequui. They tried to perform a ritual to ascend themselves to godhood, they disappeared, and two thousand years later no one has heard from them. Maybe in ten thousand years after they finish building a Continuum and figure out how to get back to the universe they left behind, Discord's mom will come back for him and recruit him. :-) But that doesn't really count. I'm talking about how I would handle this episode within "Next of Kin to Chaos", the series I have where Discord is Q and both MLP and TNG are happening more or less at the same time.

For all mail for Mrs Cake, please hand to Pinkie Pie at the nearest cardboard box. :pinkiecrazy:

Maybe theres a backstory there concerning Mr Cake is an Earth pony, and the postal service are pegasi. :twilightoops:

If you were going to reference China Miéville you should have had a World Weaver wandering around in there. That would have been awesome.

No. The postal motto is "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night, shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." So the courier is stayed from his rounds, meaning that he's prevented from completing them, because that's a callback to the postal motto. "Strayed" has an implication of deliberately getting lost, "stayed" has the implication that someone or something else prevented you from moving forward.

Birbs are birds that berb in the burbs.

And Garbodor is best binja:

Where are all the references to Mrs. Cake coming from? I just rewatched both the scene in Sugarcube Corner and the scene in Discord's dimension, and Mrs. Cake isn't in either one.

Very entertaining :moustache:

The two most sh*ttiest jobs in Equestria: train conductor and mail-pony!
Well done, mate! This was enjoyable!

Stay not snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night; thou art balance, thou bringest life to Equestria. The “charge” of the Weather Service, given by Luna just after the establishment of government and the first defeat of Discord, prior to the modern nightly Lunar cycle. It’s now commonly attributed to an anonymous early weather scholar, since knowledge of the true origins was repressed during the Long Night.

The Royal Mail Service’s motto is “Through our comrades’ weather, we bring the mail.” The two Pegasi institutions do not get along with each other. In fact, the RMS sided with Luna, while the Weather Service sided with Celestia during the power struggles of the Late Premodern Era.


YES! My wish has come true! Someone made a tribute to the heroism of Equestrian Postal Service!

Very entertaining! I was actually kind of wondering what happened to Parcel after that scene...

5994972 Have you ever read Terry Pratchett's Going Postal?

Beware Discord's Pocket Dimension, or at least bring some Juice with you!

Sir Crabington Seal of Approval!

Poor Parcel...

Loved this fun little story!

It's just occurred to me that Parcel Post is the same pony who delivered Applejack's letter in "The Last Roundup." You know, the one who was surprised that everyone knew it was his birthday, and was then promptly kicked out of the party?

This dude just can't catch a break.

I like this! I like it a lot :yay: lols


Well, Twilight was a jerk there, but Pinkie gave him some cake, so that time wasn't too bad.

Mail delivery day is a very dangerous day.

Free cookies to whoever gets that reference. :pinkiehappy:

Should have used UPS.

Am I the only one who thinks that Mail Pony looks a little like Cheese Sandwich?

Similar mane. Most stallions are drawn off the same basic model so the facial similarities don't mean much.

But you know, maybe Parcel handled Discord's chaos dimension as well as he did because he has a party pony relative, so he's used to chaos... :-)

Not terrible, but I feel like the comedy fell in between too little and too much, and it just felt a little off.

Gotta wonder...since Fluttershy and Discord write each other letters, how many mail ponies have been lost to that chaos dimension?

Fun little shot. I wanted to see more of that mailpony, because he seemed remarkably unfazed by the chaos in the episode, all things considered.

5992381 Isn't it good enough that he had green flames in the episode and was completely green in the Tatzlwurm episode?

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