• Member Since 24th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen May 2nd, 2016

Morex25


T

When a battle between the gangs of Saint Everfree Highschool causes the building to collapse, the students are transferred to other schools in the same or neighboring districts. Can Canterlot High survive when six of the most infamous troublemakers in St. Everfree history are transferred to their school?

Set after Rainbow Rocks but before the Friendship Games.
Pseudo-Xover with another Hasbro franchise.

Chapters (33)
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Comments ( 288 )

This definitely has potential. Go on, by all means.

Love this fanfic! :rainbowlaugh: I'm ready for the next chapter! :yay: Great work!

Please make Luna go Nightmare Moon I beg you, please! :fluttercry:

Interesting. Let's see where this goes.

Wonder what the mane seven think about this!

While I always prefer the idea of Discord being the Superintendent (who uses his power to make demands and changes, thus throwing off everything Celestia and Luna do) this works too.

That said... how long before Luna reveals she use to be a gang member named Nightmare Moon?

"Continuer Jackson, vous m'intéressez"

I wonder why I keep throwing my private jokes at people that will most likely not understand

Beelzebub much?
Me gusta.

I say, it will take Luna one month before she goes coocoo aka Nightmare Moon.

Who the hell gave this much ham to these kids?!

I´m sorry, but their lines are hilarious!
I mean, I like that Discord lampshades it, but this is not how adolescences talk. Except for Tirek; he does sound realistic. And exasperated by the stupidity that surrounds him.

Wait a second...

Now I get it, and I admit it´s kinda funny.
I like how this is being portrayed, but I still think you should try to change the dialogue a bit, show some more realism. I mean, the people from Equestria Girls do talk like people, like teenagers (without the swearing). Which also confuses me; shouldn´t juvenile delinquents swear a fuck ton more?

The narration is alright. Nothing horrible, nothing spectacular, but for the premise of the plot it works.

So I conclude that this story has potential; I love Discord´s snarky remarks, how freaking insane everyone is, how Tirek is the one sane man who wants to take care of his brother...
But there are some changes to be added if you want this to become an absolute success.

Okay, I take it back. A completely hammy Sombra does sound awesome. Just imagining him with a freaking speech about Imperialism during a History class has been enough to make me chuckle.
It´s a pity you wasted the idea for the meth. I would have loved seeing that.

The roles for each of the characters are appropriate, and I find them perfect for the high school setting, actually. Now, putting them all in the same room, you´d need to have talent NOT to make it good.

My main problem is the plothole of why the their school didn´t just expel them. I mean, forming a gang? Then using students to beat the crap out of anyone who doesn´t do as you want? Carrying a weapon to class? Damaging school property on a daily basis? SENDING 20 PEOPLE TO A HOSPITAL? These are serious felonies, and they could seriously get you some time in prison. I could buy it if this information was leaked through them, but making it common knowledge among the school staff doesn´t make any sense. I sincerely hope you can come up with a reason as to why no further measures were taken for these little delinquents. For example, that someone on the outside, some important figure, a parent with influence is keeping them in, or something.

Also, your narrative needs to improve a little more; the dialogue comes as really funny and realistic when saner characters are in charge, but the rest needs polishing.

Anyway, I am enjoying this a lot. I am looking forward to reading more.

Aw, man, cliffhanger! :flutterrage: Loving this so far, can't wait for all the interactions and mischief that is sure to follow; Rarity might be sweet on Sombra at this point... Fluttershy and Scorpan might find a common bond while RD and Tirek shall battle to the end :trollestia: Pinkie will be suspicious of Starlight, though Discord might be amused by her, and Sunset has some waifu competition and poor AppleJack will have to handle them all :pinkiecrazy:

I love how they brought Discord to school. It that going to be an everyday occurrence?

There screwed get ready for a Nightmare, in more than one way...

If the first thing you say after seeing Discord isn't "What the heck just happened?" than you're not portraying him right. Excellent portrayal.

Let me guess. He's going to become a 'nice guy' later, and him being released from police custody symbolises him being released from his stone prison the second time.

Best. Entrance. EVER.

Discord as Hannibal Lecter, if I stand correct. Isn´t that precious!

Well, what can I say? You have me hooked; I can´t believe how much I´m going to enjoy this.

I am kinda sad that Tirek and Scorpan will be as torn apart as in Equestria, buy hey, different universe means a possible different outcome for their relationship. One can only hope.

The rest had pretty good presentations too, and as they came out of the bus I was really expectant about which reactions they would get from the rest of students. And none of them disappointed.

Now I can´t help but wonder if those comments regarding how incredible it was they these guys hadn´t been expelled and your explanation were a response to my previous comment on the last chapter. If that is correct, I have been officially humbled.
Actually, I can take back everything negative I said during the last chapter; this one is perfect.
I can´t wait until I see what happens from now on.

I can imagine Chrysalis reassembling her old gang among the guys at school (poor, poor teens who just want to get laid). That should be interesting.
Sombra... I don´t know, taking over Crystal Prep and making them his slaves. Because why the hell not :pinkiecrazy:
Tirek will probably establish himself as a tough guy who doesn´t talk to anyone else. A mysterious loner. Between that, the muscles, and his reputation I can´t help but picture him having quite a entourage of admirers. :heart:
Scorpan might become friends with the CMC; that´d be adorable as hell. They have big sisters, maybe they can teach him how a healthy relationship with your siblings should be like.
Starlight... Well, since Celestia and Luna are aware of her past, congregating a new gang might become a problem. Unless she uses her "impeccable girl" image to convince CHS students to join her in her quest to stop the rest of Everfree students. Since she´s from there and knows them better than anyone else, convincing her colleagues to join her would be easy.
Discord... dare I say it? I hope he becomes friends with Fluttershy here as well. However, since the beginning of their friendship in Equestria was completely under conditions, it would be interesting how such a bond could bloom under these circumstances. Specially after his first impression.

So, all in all, I am very impressed.
I actually have the theory that Discord paid those guys to bring him there like that, because, which policeman would release a kid that is transported with a ****ing shotgun in a public school?

In any case, I´m loving this. Keep up the good work!

6495120
I'm glad that you are enjoying this story and even more happy that you spent the time to write your thoughts and opinions about it.
I'll keep everything you said in mind to try and deliver a story that people can fully enjoy.

As for Discord's entrance, it isn't exactly hannibal...:twilightblush: but another movie which in turn was inspired by a scene of a Nicholas Cage movie, (with Steve Buscemi) *hint* *hint*

I'm impress so far this is a good fic, I like how you are giving the villains their respective personalities great job on that,

And about the scene, i have seen it on two movies one is from that movie of Nicholas Cage (I don't remember the title) and the other is from a comedy movie call The New guy

(Sorry didn't found it in english. Look from 00:09 to 01:24.)

6496692 Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
We have a winner!
Here's some internet cookies as a prize:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRVOw0YKElJx_PYWNx8JK0WYpxjXv47rLfp8Y6z4nRnALzBrhSU

Yes, the answer was "The New Guy"! (And the movie that inspired that scene was Con Air.)
I'm happy that someone remembers this movie, I liked it a lot.
And I'm glad to hear you like my story so far.

6495454

I read this at 23:00 and I since my brain is terrified of sleeping I spend time making reviews. No biggy :derpytongue2:

I must say, I feel flattered that you´ll keep in mind what I´ve said.

Well, if there´s anything I hate in this world is mosquitoes. And people telling me what to do. And social interaction.
And also getting references wrong. That one is a particularly sharp dagger. Oh well, one can´t expect to catch all the balls they´ve been thrown. I´ll just miss the Internet cookie :fluttercry:

6495454 I also meant to ask, which role are the humane five and Sunset gonna play into this? And which will be Sunset´s reaction once she notices that these teens were the most dangerous creatures in her home world?

6498281 The girls will get to "interact" with them but the focus is mostly on the new students. As for Sunset, the only one she could actually recognize would be Discord, but I'm not entirely sure how she should react to him. If she should freak out thinking he's the "real" discord or assume it's just a coincidence.

Your thoughts?

6498426

Um... I´m kinda divided on that decision. On one hand I am disappointed they won´t be as prominent to the plot as I hopes, but on the other hand the concept of seeing these delinquents get through in a much different school from their own, interacting with way kinder students and facing new challenges that could lead them on the way they´ve always followed or take them to another path... That is truly fascinating.
However, seeing that conflict radiates from complex and usually uncomfortable situations, I believe including the interactions between the cast of villains and the regular students to be vital for the story. After all, change needs roots, and a different location is a great place for them to grow.
If we only get to see the villains interact between each other I doubt things will be very different for them than from how they were before. However challenging situations lead to more engaging setups and experiences.
So, even though I really want to see them villains as the main focus, they should definitely have a significant interaction with their surroundings.
That, however, is just my opinion.

As for Sunsent´s reaction, I believe an interesting one would be her freaking the hell out, then explaining to the humane five who he is, them telling her to chill since he doesn´t have magic, and then Sunset calming down. Only followed by the terror of what a usually lazy magic provided Discord can do in contrast to what a resourceful hardworking human Discord can do.

6498610
Well, the humane 6 and the other CHS students will definitely have their moments to shine and butt heads with the Delinquents (and maybe even get to know them better). I just meant that it would focus a bit more on them. Don't you worry I'll try to balance things out.
Also, thanks for the input about Sunset, I'll see what I can do with it.

Will Rainbow Dash be beating anybody up in this story? Will she be reaching Unstoppable Rage Levels of anger? Will she be giving out any No Holds Barred Beatdowns?

6503223 Sir, you seem to be leaking Troper spaghetti from your pockets.

6503223 I get the impression she'll try, and then soundly get her own ass kicked by Tirek

Faved, added to book shelf, and prepping for the next chapter!!!!!:twilightsmile:
yay:yay:

>>Morex25
If this Fan-Fic isn't updated in a month, without any say on whyI will begin on finishing it. (with your permission, of course) :twilightsmile:
That said, LOVELY STORY, READY FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:
Message me when you cancel it, so I can take up the proverbial 'reigns' of the story.:pinkiesmile:
Thanks!
~Sapphire Quill

Bacon hair need to write to Twilight Princess about this.

Fun Fact: Gilda, Lightning Dust and a group of changelings didn't make the cut because I thought it would be too many characters to juggle.

Gilda and Dust weren't all that evil. Jerks yes, but not evil. They aren't on the same level as Discord, Tirek, Sombra, Chrysalis, and Starlight.
Scorpan of course is the odd one out/Token Good Teammate of the bunch.

I think my favorite student is Starlight Glimmer. I bet by the end of the day she'll announce her candidacy for CHS class president!

Alright, is it just me or am I seeing some parts of me in this story?
I would be tremendously flattered if that was the case.
But anyway, back to reviewing!

I was honestly surprised that you continued from that very point. I mean, in comedy generally after such a ridiculous scene they just cut to the future, but you stayed in the same scene and displayed the ramifications of what an entrance like that could be. I like that, in a way, it´s as funny as leaving the scene, if not more.
The rest was hilarious. If the show was to ever make a humanized Discord it should be like this one.
He´s so damn good at sarcasm! Seriously, some of the best example of humor came directly form Discord´s snarky remarks. I just love his portrayal in this fanfic.
Starlight was right in the spot this time, and she has caused me one hell of a good impression. She´s like a ticking bomb ready to blow up at any second, and yet she can contain herself (if only barely).
Speaking of spotlights, poor Sombra was stole from his. Hilariously so, but still.
The rest of the characters are right on spot too; I really like them. Specially Scorpan; too damn cute for my own good.

I am also content with Sunset´s reaction to Discord. However, this might backfire. You see, you´ve dedicated quite some time sentencing the importance of Discord for Sunset, which means that from now on these two will be on the spotlight, that is; you´ve created a subplot. And that´s great; I´ll accept anything that translates to more Discord!
However yo must now be careful you don´t leave this unresolved and take caution in developing it alongside the story. From the amount of characters this story possess, I can imagine quite a few subplots pooping up while the main story advances. Which reminds me, we don´t have a clear objective yet for the main plot. Don´t rush, we don´t need one yet. But yet is really feeble. I hope you have a goal to reach here.

Unless you´ve decided to make this a story in which each character has its own arch that develops independently from the rest, aside from certain interactions in the right points. Which would be great too! I could accept these two concepts perfectly, unless you have another idea in mind, which I´m sure will be great as well.

I can already imagine some ideas...
Chrysalis and the Syrens would be a great team, considering their powers of seduction. And yes, the Syrens don´t possess any magic anymore, but they still conserve all their original charm.
Sombra could try to run for president. And then everybody votes him for shit and giggles. That would be fun. `Cause teens are stupid! Get it? No? N- Ok...
I still stand by the point I made for Starlight, Tirek and Scorpan.
Although a little chemistry between Tirek and Rainbow could be, if well executed, cute and/or funny, if badly however, cringe worthy.
Pinkie´s reaction to Discord´s appearance, however... gives me soooo many ideas. But I´m pretty sure you already know what you are doing regarding those two.

Anyway, great chapter; it´s always a pleasure both reading and commenting them. Keep up the excellent work!

Well I'm not so good with reviewing stories but up until now I'm still liking the story like the scene that you took (from the movie) it was great, it has been a while since I saw it I may bee just speculating but I can see more scene like that making reference to other movies (that would be great in my opinion)

What Discord did made Sombra feel less that was fuuny, I can see Discord and Sombra fighting for the spotlight, that would be funny and cool to watch.
Starlight is a living bomb in a sort of way.
Scorpan is just like a small brother small, innocent and adorable (just like my brother).
Well that would be all I have to say.

oh yeah I almost forgot are you gonna have them pair ?

6507477
Thanks for commenting, I'm happy to hear you like it so far.
As for pairings... I have some in mind but others aren't set in stone so I'm open for suggestions.

Order! Order in this classroom, I say!

Nightmare Moon is all we're missing. Also which is worse, being on Discord's good side or bad side?

Finally someone else notices how Starswirl keeps popping up in every historical situation! He banishes sirens, he's friends with Scorpan, he goes world-hopping with Celestia. Twilight even claims during the Hearth's Warming pageant that he was Clover the Clever's teacher, suggesting he was an old and established wizard before the founding. So either he was incredibly long-lived (or immortal), or he's a time traveller.

Or, if you want to be a little less sensational, you could put it down to academical oversights. Starswirl is just this awesome guy that every egghead loves, so whenever there's some historical event done by a legendary unicorn, they assume it was Starswirl, because that's cooler than some guy nopony's ever heard of before. (I've been told that King Arthur's been used for the same thing in our mythologies.) And nopony's bothered to check the dates and figured out the big flaw.

On another note, Sombra's aversion to hospitals was a nice callback. Perhaps later his estranged ex-girlfriend can show up, or something.

Keep up the good work!

6511588
Starswirl is the biggest problem when trying to form a coherent timeline of the events from "1000 years ago".
So either he was very long lived. (probably thanks to aging spells.) or Starswirl the bearded is a title passed down from exceptional Unicorn to Unicorn to preserve his legacy. (although your idea of him being a time traveler intrigues me.)

As for Sombra and his aversion to hospitals...yeah...there's a story behind that. :raritywink:

Holy crap, I can´t believe how much I´ve laughed with this one.
Where do I even begin?

Alright, first off, I love how the narration makes fun of the characters with some brief and sarcastic remarks. They really add to the absurdness of the situation. So, not only the conversations are funny as hell, but so is the writing in general. Bravo.

Also, thanks for the layout of the table; you clearly are one step ahead of the rest of us.
There are a few things I would like to point out.

Scorpan keeps getting more and more adorable. Seriously, I need some more backstory about how this fighting life style.
I also found cute the fact that Tirek, the guy who hospitalized 20 people is at least polite enough not to get in the way of his fellow students while sitting. That´s so nice of him. Of course, you mentioned that he has used to do this since he was a kid, so that makes me wonder if during his childhood he used to be a kinder person. If you are going to take the story out of the school and orbit a little around some of the villains´ familiar lives we could obtain some pretty juicy scenes.

Also, Sombra´s eyes going red... was that a visual gag or foreshadowing? (No pun intended) If we start messing around with magic now... Oh boy.
By the way, politics? Well, if USA is considering Donald Trump for president I guess Sombra also has a chance.

The inclusion of the syrens was also great, specially their interactions with the students. I loved how you pointed out the similarities between Aria and Starlight´s designs, just like the fans did as soon as Starlight was shown in the previews.
Sonata comes as pretty cute and I enjoy how you are writing her.
And I am not afraid to say this; I kinda intuited that Discord was gonna hit on Adagio. And the way the conversation goes is pure gold.

Speaking of which, I also like how you´ve portrayed Discord´s humor. I´ve met quite a few guys like him in highschool (at certain points been one of them) and the way he trolls the class is surprisingly realistic. I´m sure the "in your dreams" joke has already been done, but in this environment and with these characters it also comes as pretty identifiable.
I´ve also met students like Starlight, controlling people with anger issues who tried to speak over the teacher only to be reprimanded in turn.
The fact that Starlight is legitimately trying to be a good student and feels remorse over her scolding is also pretty interesting and opens a promising character arc for her.
I do hope Sonata gets a crush on Discord, though. I usually hate love triangles when played seriously, but I´m sure you can come up with very funny situations out of this premise.
So once again, I loved this chapter, and can´t wait until I get to read more.

Keep up the amazing work!

6511434 Well, we have Luna. I personally have a headcanon that Nightmare Moon was a delinquent phase Luna had when she was younger.

6512876 Neat! Do you have a story about it? But still Nightmare Moon teaching all the greatest villiens, plus others. Maybe one day she gets so mad she snaps turning it Nightmare or something along those lines.

Short chapter, indeed, butquite an interesting one.

Here we get to see the students finally interacting with their enviroment other than themselves. Not that that was boring, au contraire, that was pure comedy gold. But I find really fascinating to see them adapting to their new surroundings.

Starlight is, as I predicted, gaining power among her new classmates via deception and lies. Which perfectly fits her.
Discord is really captivating as well, since he seems to crack jokes every minute (by the way, I found pretty cute the fact that Scorpan giggled at them) but still doesn´t want anything related to friendship. Also, Luna´s ominous idea seems promising and a good lead for his reformation. That is, if in this world he does reform at all. I enjoy twists and turns.

Speaking of which, I am kinda glad I was wrong about Chrysalis´s plan; being surprised is part of the fan.

Also, dear Lord, poor Scorpan. He really needs a friend soon.

And this is juts half the chapter. Perfect. I can´t wait to read more.

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