• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
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twilightsparkle3562


I am a brony from Massachusetts with Autism who enjoys MLP, Disney and writing!

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In this sequel to Window Repairs, Discord goes to Tatarus and confronts Tirek over how he tricked Discord into believing there was something more valuable than friendship.

Also contains references from Unwanted Guests

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm honored to inform you all that this story on July 29, 2016, was given the audio treatment by the Highland Bronies of Scotland. Special thanks to Infinite Affection for making it all possible! Here it is!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 22 )

Friendly word of advice, link to the previous story.

5974738 There's actually a special way you can specifically mark a story as a sequel to another, but as I've never done it myself, I'm not sure how to do it.

5974744 Well, I gave it a shot. That's all you can really ask for.

5974744 Yeah just add it into the sequel story thingy, not really an excuse for you not to do this.

But, Discord ... But, you did apologize ... But, there is something else ... But, if that is what

No comma after but.

Sorry, I’ve been acting strange, Fluttershy,”

You forgot the first quotation mark.

Interesting idea for a story. You have caught my attention.

Are you sure it should be

Discord goes to Tartarus and confronts Tirek over how he tricked Discord into believing nothing was more valuable than friendship.

and not

Discord goes to Tatarus and confronts Tirek over ho he tricked Discord into believing there was something more valuable than friendship

?

I like the idea, as I liked the one in the previous story, but the pacing could use some work. There's a lot of repetition, where the narration describes something, AND the characters then say it. Ex: Discord summons cucumber sandwiches, then asks "Want a cucumber sandwich?" Better to condense things...

"Would you like a cucumber sandwich?" He asked, snapping a plateful into existence.

The ending also felt rushed, and a bit anvilicious, (kind of like last weekend's episode.) Try to show more, and tell less. We need to see Discord make commitments, not just be told "he made a commitment."

All that said, still a fun read. Thanks!

6027226 Yeah, to be honest, that has always been my Achilles heel and its something that I need to keep working on. Hey, this is one of the joys of writing: it is a never ending learning process.

“Not everypony will forgive me,” sighed Discord, sadly. “Twilight’s brother from what I hear, wants me to pay dearly for what I’ve done. But, there is something else that I feel like something needs to be done.”

That "something" does not need to be there. I think that the sentence flows better without it, personally.

"To have me shackled like the criminal that I am? I gave you friendship and freedom to do whatever you want and this is how I repay you?"

You mean "and this is how you repay me?

The wind was growing stronger and the scarf that Discord made for her was not keeping her cool for very long.

Don't you mean warm?

6169054
Chaos magic dude. Makes no sense and complete sense at the same time.

6985595 I...actually never thought of that...huh.

6987721
I know right? If it makes no sense, it makes sense that it makes no sense because it's not supposed to make sense.

Welp, let’s see how this goes.

How stupid does he think discord is?

This didn’t bode well with Fluttershy who was just about to use her stare on Discord in an effort to get him to talk. Realizing that he could not hide the truth any longer, Discord snapped away the sandwiches and let out a heavy sigh.

Does the stare even work on discord?

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