• Member Since 6th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 13 hours ago

The Corrupted Champion


Hi.... I'm writing because I'm bored...

T
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Trixie Lulamoon... Sunset Shimmer... Lightning Dust and Princess Luna. Four Ponies that have walked very different paths yet all four of them have done terrible things that they're not Proud of; but things take a turn when a certain washed up show mare returns to Ponyville with one goal. Destroy the alicorn amulet so she can move on with her life and say that she's actually done something good with it.

As we all know, however, life likes to kick you in the teeth and throw you a curve ball you don't see coming. The curve ball in question? Take her quest born of desperation and have it lead her and her three new comrades to the wondrous and and wondrously dangerous world of Earthland.

They will learn, with a little help from Sunset, to deal with their strange new bodies and even their magic working differently as they are welcomed into Fairy Tail. Can these four ponies turned human wizards track down the dark amulet and put an end to the evil spirit that somehow lives within it? With the magic of friendship, and the firepower of Fairy Tail... even the impossible is possible.

chapter 5 undergoing rewrite to rectify glaring time-skip issue. :twilightoops: and chapter 14 in the works!


P.S. A big thanks to mrs1989 on Deviantart for the cover art!

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 101 )

Off to a good start. Though your grammar and spelling aren't terrible, I did notice a few mistakes while reading through. A problem that is easily solved with an editor.

Anyway, I shall be following.

Good story so far, especially good concept too. There were a few mistakes, like forgetting to capitalize your I's on occasion.

This is amazing! Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

Hm... I'm curious as to when in the FT timeline they'll be sent...

6524310 also, I think I can figure out how Sunset, Trixie, and Dust's magic will be presented.

It's great! Just update a little more quickly and this could turn out to be a great story! :twilightsmile: GG

from what I can guess

Lightning Dust learns Speed Magic from Jet, and later on activates Lightning magic from taking one of Laxus's bolts to the head.

Trixie obviously uses illusion/transformation magic from Mirajane, but then later develops a form of Celestial Take-Over magic from contact with Lucy's keys, but not possessing them. Instead, the other various beasts from the constellations, her personal favorite being Ursas Take-Over.

Sunset learns Fire magic from the Conbolts and Natsu (albeit haphazardly) but then later realizes her flames taking a black tone, and becomes a Sun God Slayer (my idea is that since she DID learn from Celestia, and a Corrupted God's magic becomes black, and Sunset did fall from grace, and the partial black flames are her symbol of contempt and redemption)

Luna is obviously a Dream Mage that has a bit of Tidal magic. I'm not sure how being a Moon God slayer would work... unless it was Nightmare Slayer magic... hmmm

When does this take place (for Fairy Tail)?

6588246 That will be made clear shortly, my friend.:raritywink: just wait a little longer.

I knew it! When I read the part where Erza asked Natsu and Gray to help her, I had a feeling it'll be an alternate retelling of the Lullaby Arc.

Well, to quote the time honored phrase "Dis goona be gud!" *faves*

Needs more Plue.

Seriously though, this is turning out very good. The opening parts in Equestria were a bit slow, especially with all the info-dumping about Sombra and Blood Dust (but I understand that it was necessary to set things up), but after that, things really picked up well and settled into a smooth flow. Excellent read.

The crossover elements mesh pretty well too. From what we've seen, the girls' abilities fit in pretty well in the setting. I like that it's set early in the FT timeline so as to minimize the baggage and giving more opportunities to see canon events being influenced by our favorite pony girls. You can definitely get a lot of mileage out of this, so don't rush Blood Dust's story too much. If you want to fill out the plot even more, you could always do the occasional "Meanwhile in Equestria" scene, since I reckon they wouldn't rest on their laurels while their friends are gone. (Assuming you're not already planning that, in which case disregard this.)

Your writing has definitely improved since chapter one. Kudos on that! There's some occasional typos and missing capitalization, but your grammar and sentence structure is really shaping up well. If you have the time, you may wish to revisit the early chapters at some point and clean them up a bit. Other than that, keep at it and do your best. I look forward to more excitement.

Makarov shrugged it off. "Bah, let them worry; what do I care?" he laughed. "Their just jelous 'cause my wizards are HOT!!"

Makarov has his priorities set right.

Good story so far. Characterization fairly spot on. Still an overabundance of ellipses that probably aren't necessary, as well as a few typos here and there, but nothing excessive. Keep up the good work.

It's getting there, I'll say that much. I hope the ideas I thought for their magic come through

6656449 patience my friend. Their powers will become clear.:raritywink: I won't give specific details just yet, but you're close... very close.

You still have a good hold on my attention, but I must also warn you that you are getting dangerously close to the edge. While you have an additional substance coming in to add to the original story, you are following a bad trend of not doing much original when it comes to the source material's story.

Just something to be aware of. Looking forward to the next update!

6658127 A noteworthy and understandable perspective and I thank you for it :twilightsmile:. I promise that original stuff is coming after the Eisenwald arc. I just ask you to be patient for a little bit longer and you'll see some cool new stuff when the girls are back together and start going on their own missions. The story is still coming into its own with major plot elements merely being foreshadowed. I hope I can hold your attention at least until then.:raritywink:

6657249 I have the uncanny ability to predict, my friend

This is good shit!

This is freaking awesome.

6692973 glad you like it.:twilightsmile: I'm going to try and get the next chapter up within the next week or so.

I wasn't expecting Alexis, Dusk and Rene to be with Phantom Lord, or that Rarity's counterpart to be a Dragon Slayer too, and a Crystal one at that. Makes one wonder who and where the counterparts of the other mane 6 to be at, and Spike's. It also make you wonder what the war with Phantom will be like.

6715884 Look forward to it.:twilightsmile: I'm going to have a lot of fun writing the war with Phantom, there's going to be...
TWISTS! :pinkiegasp:

ACTION! :rainbowkiss:

and, of course... DA FEELIOS! :fluttercry: But first, we finish the Eisenwald arc and our ponies start to better understand their magic.

Interesting set-up... though the Phantom Lord fight is gonna be a bit tougher now...

6715929 Can't wait. Also, there's a couple of things I should point out about this chapter. First, where's Happy? I know he didn't have much of a role early in the series, but it's like he just disappeared in this chapter. And second, isn't Lucy's chant to summon Cancer...: "Open, Gate of the Giant Crab: Cancer!"

6720552

isn't Lucy's chant to summon Cancer...: "Open, Gate of the Giant Crab: Cancer!"

:rainbowderp::pinkiegasp:So it is...my bad. As for your first point, don't worry, I was just waiting for the action to die down before having some interesting interactions as the two teams continue their temporary alliance. I am going to enjoy writing the next chapter:rainbowkiss::raritywink:

I liked how you changed the overall plot a little. As for what happened to Trixie, I have a good idea

7002812 I'm glad i can still deliver.:twilightsmile: As for Trixie, you'll see...:raritywink:

I lost it when Dusk hit on Trixie.^^ Also, I think you refered to Dusk as blond in one paragraph... canĀ“t find it anymore though.

7003898 I noticed that mistake myself and I thought I edited it out... looks like I'll have to check again. :twilightoops:

Very action-packed chapter. And I think you've got Trixie pretty well-balanced, power-wise; she feels like what you'd expect from a competent mage in this setting. Easily on the same level as any member of FT who's not an elite or a joke character. She complements the group with her strengths and abilities without overshadowing them. Also, great artwork. :heart:

I also wholeheartedly approve of Trixie getting shipped with any Twilight-substitute. Thumbs up.

Still no Plue, though.

7012346 Thank you. I have always believed that Trixie could be a very competent mage with the right teacher. by this point, she's had some proper magic lessons from a strong teacher, so she's not a weak link. Also, she strikes me as more of a finesse caster then a raw power caster like Twilight or Sunset, anyway. As for Plue, patience my friend...patience. there will be much Plue to be had...:raritywink:

Sunset verses a bunch of pirates. That ought to be good.

You go Trixie! No one blames you for something you didn't do!

Sure would make an awesome show to combine Lucy's and Trixie's magics. :raritystarry:

"Woah, woah, woah...that's all on Blood Diamond and Eisenwald!" Trixie interjected. "Would you have preferred if we DIDN'T chase these guys all the way from Magnolia just to save your ingrate asses?!" she fumed. "And now you have the gall to turn around and hold US responsible for THEIR destruction?!" It had been quite some time since she'd felt this indignant. "Well, why don't you go and jump down into Clover Canyon if ya feel so strongly about it?!"

At'a kid, point out their selective approval of you :rainbowdetermined2:

You're referencing this in the end of this chapter weren't you?
https://youtu.be/vL4q7BBzanI

7161648 correct, i did draw a large amount of inspiration from this video for it as you will read in the next chapter.:twilightsmile: i hope you continue and enjoy it!

TBH, I mistakened "Dusk" for Rainbow Dash here, mostly because of her attitude.

:pinkiegasp: Oh my god, Rari-"Rene" is a Dragonslayer!

:rainbowderp: Jesus Christ, Trixie just went scary!

I'm loving this series so far!! How far into the canon side are you gonna go? Just curious.

7164207 yeah but again, how far into canon are you gonna go with this?

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