If one were to describe the inside of the police precinct in one word, it would be: buzzing. All around, police officers and detectives were walking from one side to the other bringing in detainees or important files. On the desks, the sound of typing keys and phones ringing every few minutes were par for the course alongside the numerous conversations of on-going investigations, bookings, statements been taken or just general chit-chat between co-workers, all of it going on at the same time.
Yet within this loud and somewhat chaotic environment, one could tune out all of that noise and be in complete silence if they concentrated in their own thoughts. The same way a young redhead girl was doing in that exact moment.
Sunset Shimmer sat within the busiest parts of the precinct in a chair next to a detective’s desk waiting for him to return after taking her statement and despite the noise around her the only thing she heard were the sound of her own thoughts.
Sunset wrote to Princess Twilight about what happened starting from the events from yesterday to the arrest incident of today and the crux of the moral dilemma she was facing. Of course, some of the details were altered as to not unnecessarily worry Princess Twilight. She explained that because of the bad reputation of his previous school, she had misjudged a new transferred student and because of it she got into trouble, but then despite what she initially thought of him, he helped her from a bad situation making her look at him under a new light. And now that same boy who helped her was now in trouble with the local authorities.
Sunset then took a brief moment to describe to Twilight some of the differences between the Police forces from both worlds and explain why this person was in trouble with them despite helping her. Then she went on and on about the predicament she was in. If she declared in his favor there was a the possibility of the Police doing a background check on her and how,if they dug deep enough, they could find out she wasn’t exactly a legal citizen and the kind of trouble she could get in if that came to light.
Princess Twilight response was very kind and true to her, showing joy that Sunset was learning so much about friendship, and the lesson of beginning a friendship with someone you initially distrust because of preconceived notions is a very difficult yet gratifying one to learn; but also Twilight showed her concern for Sunset and her dilemma. Since she wasn’t familiar with the other world’s laws and judicial system there wasn’t much she could offer as a solution towards that end of the problem. Still, Twilight offered her own words of wisdom to inspire and embolden Sunset.
«Look deep within your heart and you will find your answer.»
It was awfully cliché, but it did reassure her in the end. Otherwise she wouldn’t have come to the police precinct in the first place. Despite having no real obligation to do so or the potential danger he had come and saved her, so why shouldn’t she do the same for him? Why, maybe things would be just fine and nobody would care to look deep into her past and the fact that until a couple of years she officially did not exist.
Sunset eye’s couldn’t help but roam the place, looking at the windows and the emergency exit signs.
"What is taking so long?" Sunset rubbed her arms anxiously. She came to the police precinct and asked in the front desk if she could visit or talk with someone about a friend that just got under custody; she was shown inside into a waiting area where a detective asked about her friend. When she mentioned the name Discord, the detective told her to wait next to his desk and that he would come back soon.
It had been thirty minutes and she was still waiting.
It wasn’t any sort of long stretch of time, but every minute that passed felt longer and longer and her doubts started to bubble surface. She gave her name when the detective asked for it, could it be that they decided to investigate her already? Maybe the reason they were taking so long was that they already found out something didn’t add up about her and they were already looking deep into it. And any second now a detective would come and ask her to come along inside to interrogate her.
"Oh god, this was a terrible idea."
"Funny. I remember a criminal saying the same thing earlier today." A deep voice said making Sunset look up from where she was seated to the man suddenly next to her. If his sudden arrival wasn’t shocking enough, his dark uniform with lots of badges, and star insignia that symbolized the man’s high ranking position.
After a couple of seconds of staring at the seated girl and her deer caught in headlights expression, the man smiled to try and ease down the girl from her frightened look. "I’m joking. I’m joking. " He said fighting off from chuckling at the girl’s reaction at the same time he was removing his hat to appear more casual. "I was told you were asking about a current detainee, is that right?"
"Y-y-yes s-sir." Sunset answered shaking like a leaf. Though she wasn’t an expert regarding this world’s criminal justice system and police ranking, the pony turned human had watched enough television and police dramas to recognize that the man towering over her was a high-ranking official. Which begged the question: why he was the one talking to her regarding Discord detention instead of maybe a sergeant?
Noticing how nervous the girl was looking at him, the man then moved the chair from the detective’s desk and used it to sit and come down to the girl’s eye level, in an attempt to come off as less intimidating after his attempt at humor apparently failed. "No need to be so nervous. It’s not like you are being questioned." He tried to break the tension with another “joke”, but it also backfired when the girl visually tensed up again.
"O-Of course, s-sir." Then girl’s voice still trembled a bit and for the first time in many years the police commissioner cursed his natural talent to intimidate suspects and make them spill the beans. He just wanted to ask her a few questions, not terrify her.
"I…Sorry if that came off wrong. " He apologized. "I guess I’m not good at liven up the mood as when I was a detective."
"No, I should be the one apologizing." Sunset said a little less distressed, "It´s just that I´m a bit nervous. This is the first time I´ve ever come to a police station, sir."
"I guess that´s normal." Or so he thought, he wasn’t exactly expert on teenagers of today if his failings as a father were any indication. "Also, you don’t have to keep calling me “sir” every other sentence. My name is Maxwell by the way. Nice meeting you." He introduced himself, hoping to ease off the tension so they could move on with their talk.
"Nice meeting you too, si…Mr. Maxwell." She caught herself before introducing herself "My name is Sunset Shimmer."
"My suspicions have just been confirmed." Maxwell said with a smile, confusing Sunset as to what he was referring to. "I knew that a pretty girl like you would have a pretty name too, Miss Shimmer."
Said pretty girl just turn a little bit red for the compliment. "T-thanks." Now, Sunset wasn't a stranger to compliments but having and one come from a older, and yet quite handsome, man had been unexpected but not unwelcome. "Just Sunset is fine." She allowed since he had allowed her to call him by his first name too. It wasn't because of his compliment or because he was sort of charming; definitively that wasn't the reason.
"Very well, Sunset." Maxwell continued before turning a bit more serious. "I just wanted to ask you about your reason for being here."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I was just curious as of why you were asking to speak to us about a detainee that we haven’t even finished questioning or even before we located and informed a family member about it."
Sunset audibly gulped, trying her earnest to say something despite the sudden frog in her throat. "I…I… I came here because I want to speak in his defense." She managed to say despite her initial nervousness.
"Speak in his defense…?" He repeated with raised eyebrows. Of all the things he expected to hear, this was definitely not one of them. Now it was his turn to ask "What do you mean?"
"I mean…Dizz…Discord isn't a bad person." She caught herself once more as to not use that silly nickname of his. "I may not condone his… “methods” but I know he didn't do it out of malice."
Maxwell remained silent as the girl continued to talk on Discord´s behalf as if she was a character witness in trial. 'Is she talking about the same Discord?' He knew his son wasn’t an irredeemable criminal but he wasn't a role model youth either; but having this girl fervently defending his son was sort of eye opening.
"I think I've heard enough." Maxwell put up his open palm to signal the girl to stop.
"But…"
"Don't worry, I´m not dismissing the validity of your claims." In fact he was inclined to believe her, since through her whole speech he had gauge the honesty in her words trying to find a hint that this could be just an elaborated show planned beforehand by his son. And unless she was the best darn actress in the whole world, he honestly could say he didn't find and signs of this being deception. Yet, despite of her glowing words about his son, that didn't excuse him from the felony he had committed and confessed to "Though I may believe in the honesty of your words, Discord…"
"Uh…sorry to interrupt, sir." Sergeant Falcon walked up to commissioner clearly uncomfortable for disrupting the conversation of the boss of the boss of the boss of his boss. "Sir, we have another 'situation'." And before Maxwell could question him about it, said situation appeared from behind the imposing frame of the Sergeant. This new “situation” was another girl around Sunset's age, a blue-ish white girl with arctic blue hair tied in a single long ponytail. And as soon as she appeared, she was quickly identified by the other teenager.
"Sonata?!" Sunset said surprised, "What are you doing here?" Of all the people she could run into at the police station, the blue siren was one she would've least expected, especially without her other two sisters hanging around.
«Meep!» Sonata instantly hid behind the Sarge, startled by the loud calling of her name. "I-I c-could ask you the same!" She too was surprised by the presence of the other girl. After the Battle of the Bands, she didn't want to be near another member of the Rainbooms.
For his part, Maxwell , who was unaware of the history this two girls shared, could see that they at least knew one and other. "So, are two girls friends?"
"Well…" Sunset rubbed the back of her head feeling awkward. She wanted to just say that the “relation” between the two of them was “complicated”. I mean, how could you even begin explain what has happened without sounding like a crazy person? Luckily, she didn't have to say anything because Sonata answered for the both of them.
"No!" The siren answered resoundingly. Sunset and the other members of the Rainbooms already took away her singing voice, one of the very few things she loved even from before her banishment to this world, so she was at them and terrified of having something else she loved being taken away.
"O…kay," So there was animosity between the two girls, if only one sided. That meant that this whole situation was far more awkward than Maxwell initially believed. "So, to what do we owe you your visit to the police precinct today, Miss Sonata?" He asked despite having an idea as to what that reason might be thanks to Sergeant Falcon's choice of words.
Having being reminded of the reason why he was at the station in the first place, Sonata quickly turned towards Maxwell and asked earnestly. “Excuse me; are you the person in charge?”
Maxwell didn't mind people been forward with him, he much preferred it than talking in a roundabout manner. Even so, nothing could’ve prepared him for the bluntness of the girl's question. "Huh…yes, you could say that currently I am the highest ranking officer present at this time." Although in actuality the one who's responsible for the station was the appointed Captain. "Police Commissioner Maxwell Entropy at your service."
"Great!" Sonata said awfully chirpy as she took out a small, yet fat, manila envelope and handed it to Maxwell. "Please take this."
Now, having a suspicious package been handed over so vigorously to the POLICE COMISSIONER, would've rung a few alarms in people´s heads regarding the true nature of said package. Yet, Maxwell was smart enough as to not raise an alarm and panic everyone around for what was just an eccentric girl committing a faux pas.
Without an ounce of worry, Maxwell opened the envelope only to find a stack of small denomination dollars. "Not to be rude, Miss. But why are you giving me this?" Really, this was getting weird, but since it involved his son he should’ve seen the strangeness coming
"Huh? So that Discord goes free, of course!" She answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. This caused both Sunset and Sergeant Falcon to gape in shock. And who could blame them? It wasn't everyday that you see that the Police commissioner was being offered a bribe in the middle of the police precinct in broad daylight.
Even Maxwell couldn't believe what he was hearing, so in an effort to backpedal to the moment when things made sense, he asked, "Come again?"
"Isn't this how it is?" Sonata asked tilting her head to the side with a confused look on her face. "When people are arrested someone pays money to the police so that they go free, isn’t it? Bail him out of jail?" As soon as she said this, a look of realization fell upon the other three.
"Um, Miss? I think there has been a misunderstanding." Sergeant Falcon said both relieved and a little embarrassed for the girl's mistake. "Bailing someone out doesn't work that way."
"But in the movies…" Sonata tried to say, but a sudden sense of embarrassment washed over her turning her slightly red. "I mean…"
"You can't take what you see on TV or in the movies as a fact." Sunset admonished despite she herself not knowing how bailing worked either other than what she had seen on TV before.
"A bail, is a payment that an arrested person gives to the court to insure that he or she shows up for future court appearances." Falcon began explaining. "Not to mention that the one who determines the severity of a bail is a judge. So in order to be a bail to pay the detainee must be conclusively be charged with a crime and then processed before the case can be sent to the judge."
"But he confessed to be guilty, right?" Sonata recalled what Discord said back at their classroom. "Shouldn't the case be over and a bail already be posted?" She asked quite an intelligent question.
"Well, you see…" If this was any other case, things would’ve followed standard protocol. But when it involved the son of the Police Commissioner, things didn’t always followed procedures as intended.
"Discord didn't do anything wrong!" Her sudden declaration caught everyone off guard. "Or at least he didn’t do it because he’s a bad person!" This caught Maxwell’s attention. Here was another girl coming to the precinct in defense of his son, and by the looks of it, it didn't sound as this was planned either. "He’s the best friend I have."
"Best…friend…?" Maxwell repeated almost incredulously. He liked to think he knew his son very well, and Discord wasn’t exactly the type to make “friends”.
"He is nice to me and my sisters, when nobody else at school does." Sonata continued with a crestfallen look causing Sunset to wince. The redhead recalled several times when the trio would be treated like outcasts by the rest of the student population; having experienced the same type of treatment after her own fall from grace, she would never wish it on anyone, not even the sirens. However whenever she or her friends tried to approach them, the trio would just sneered at them and brush them off. Despite their situation, the sisters held on to their grudge caused by their broken pride.
Nevertheless, hearing Sonata admit her friendship with the dishevel boy, showed that she and her sisters were slowly opening up to other people. If the times Sunset had seen Discord meet Adagio at that cafe or seeing them on the school hallway were any indication.
"He is also really funny and makes me laugh a lot!" Sonata continued with a more chipper tone than before. "And today, he bought lunch for me and my sisters, which was great because it was Taco Tuesday and I could eat as many as I wanted without having to go hungry all day worrying about how we have to pay the rent!"
Now, that came as a revelation for Sunset Shimmer. Sure, she had hear the Siren’s complain about having to get jobs now that they couldn’t use their magic to get what they wanted, but she never suspected that their situation was that bad. Cafeteria food wasn’t all that expensive, but hearing that they starved during lunch just so they could save up a few dollars to pay for a place to live was hard to hear, because it was because of her and her friends who put them in that situation.
"He also gave us a ride to school." She confessed, which depending in the circumstances of her involvement, could turn her into an accessory to the theft. "And that made me happy because our home is far away from school and we cannot afford to take the bus either. And thanks to him, we didn’t arrive late and get yelled at by the Vice Principal." If the revelation from before wasn’t enough, this last one was another punch in the gut for Sunset. They starved and can’t afford the bus fare either? Their situation was worse than she could’ve imagined.
"Please forgive him." Sonata then pointed at the envelope with money in it, still in Maxwell’s hand. "I know it is not much, but that money is all I got after asking at my work for this month’s salary in advance." It had taken a lot to convince her bosses to help her with the money and she had made a lot of promises she now had to fulfill. "So please take the money and forgive Discord."
"Sorry, but I cannot accept this." Maxwell said after a few seconds of silence. Although he had to admit, this was the nicest attempt at “bribery” he had ever been offered, even if it was accidental.
"But…but…" Sonata was clearly distraught by the commissioner’s answer. "Discord can’t go to jail. That place it’s the worst." If before she lost her singing voice, she thought this world was the worst, and after she lost it, it became worse than the worst; then prison, as she had seen on movies and TV, it was the worst of the worst. And she had to let them know. "They will use him as currency!"
"C-Currency…?" Sunset couldn’t help but repeat such weird statement.
"He won’t survive there. Especially with all the soap dropping, cellmates called Bubba and whatever is it that a “P*rtuguese Breakfast” actually means!" That last one was apparently so nasty that they have told her to never look that up on the internet.
"Miss, I think you watch too much Television." Especially regarding that last one she mentioned. That was just something that really didn't happen in real life, or at least inside of prison.
"Anyway…" Maxwell fake coughed on his hand to try and get back to the matter at hand. "I think you misunderstood my words, Miss Sonata." He said earning a look of confusion from the girl. "What I meant to say was that I cannot accept your money because it is unnecessary."
"Huh?" Was the instant reaction of the other three.
"It appears that the accuser has decided to drop the charges." He informed them with a softer tone.
"S-Sir, you mean…" The Sergeant was the most surprised of the three since he knew that the accuser was the Commissioner himself.
"It was all a misunderstanding and Discord will be allowed to go free." As soon as he said this, he could see how Sonata´s face light up in cheer.
"For realsies?!"
"Yes… for realisies." Maxwell couldn't help but hold back laughter as he handed the girl her money back. It seemed that the girl's enthusiasm was infectious.
"Can we see him now?" Sonata asked almost jumping in excitement. Behind her, Sunset also looked quite interested by the prospect.
"Well, first we need to talk with his legal guardians." He explained. Though not technically a lie, since he really needed to talk with his son. "It might take a while so…"
"I'll wait for him!" Sonata declared firmly. Her mind already been made.
"Me too." Sunset also joined in. Although it seemed that her whole trip (and worry) had been for naught, she decided to stay not only for Discord but also because she wanted to talk with Sonata. This looked like it was the right time to approach the girl and offer the Olive Branch to put the past grudges to rest.
"Well, if you insist…" Maxwell said trying to not sound so surprised. “Sergeant Falcon, why don't you show these two young ladies to the break room and offer something to drink while they wait.”
"Yes, sir." Falcon saluted and then escorted Sunset and Sonata, leaving the Commissioner with his own thoughts.
‘Well, who would have thought? My son does have a soft side in him.’ He mentally chuckle. ‘No wonder why he got two cute girls running to his defense.’ The boy was apparently a ladies’ man, just like his old man before he settled down with Eris. ‘Chip off the old block, that boy.’ He only hoped that for the boy´s own sake he doesn't end up with a girl exactly like this mother.
[x-x-x]
Go back to real quotation marks. These new ones make it very hard to read.
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Really? Huh, I didn't expect that.
If people feel the same way, then I´ll change it.
Oh my gosh! AN UPDATE!!!!
GOTTA READ IT RIGHT NOW!!!!
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I do agree that the quotation marks you used before are better.
I'm really glad to see a new chapter
I've been looking forward to it for a really long time ( that is, a few days)
To be honest, the story has been rather 'slow' in the recent two chapters, but it's always nice to see more Sunset and Discord
And Sonata is funny too, even though I'm not a big fan of the Sirens.
I love how you portray each character in the story, each one of them is unique and awesome.
Especially the way you depict Sombra and Discord, they are my favorite ''villains'' in this story now.
And the drama (and possibly romance) you build up for them is priceless, I really find this fan fiction addictive.
Starlight hasn't been doing much so far, though I'm already very interested in her, what a magnificent manipulative bitch she is, I absolutely love it. Hope she'll play a bigger role in the story in the future.
Tirek is working for the Apples now, I suppose soon we're going to see him interacting with Applejack, I see great potential in this story line
After reading 30 chapters, I have absolutely no doubt in your ability in writing. The settings and the characters in this story are fascinating.
Even the supporting characters are all likable and remarkable, though most of them are from cannon, your portrayal is still very impressive.
However, there are so many characters in this story, and I see you have quite a grand plan for this fic. So far you've already written 100000 words, but it seems to me that the story has just begun, I really hope you can finish this story.
Yeah got to agree the old quotation marks where better the new one's break the pace of the story.
Ugh, my head hurts from rereading.
Change it back to the old ones! I get so confused with the new ones!
But that was nice, what Sonata did. She's got a golden heart, that one.
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Ok, by popular demand, I change back to ("...") standard quotation marks.
Wohoho! What was that? Did you just hit 100.000 words? Congratulations, you just hit the literary equivalent of dropping your balls! I´m so proud of you!
And so happy too to have you back! Rest assured, all your work was worth the effort; this was one hell of a good chapter!
And do not fear, I´m also a bit rusty reviewing, to it kind of comes full circle!
Let´s start with technicalities, shall we? Among one of the mistakes I took note of there is
There were some minor typos here and there, but nothing too bad. You should still consider getting an editor, though.
For starters, I really enjoyed the way you´ve begun with the chapter. It´s quiet and atmospheric, and it really made me appreciate how much you´ve improved at narrating and describing a scene since you started. Your story is extremely reliant on dialogue (not that this is bad, it´s one of your most powerful weapons) but it´s good to have a reminder once in a while that that´s not all you can do.
I also really like how you´ve written Sunset´s train of thought, because it doesn´t leave the easiest solution out of the way to create drama, you´ve actually acknowledged it and proved why the problem is real.
I also like the introduction of Princess Twilight, specially since she doesn´t get a direct appearance. We are reminded of Sunset´s roots, a fundamental part of her character, but the story is still entirely focused on the human world. There is a loose connection to Equestria, but that´s it. I like how you keep the distance between both worlds; it does wonders to the immersion.
Now, even if I think that you mentioned this previously, I love how you bring up this problem. For all accounts, Sunset is an alien. She is not an actual citizen, there is no paperwork. For the eyes of the USA government she is an unperson. And this has finally caught up with her. I mean, I would love an explanation as for why that didn´t matter when she joined High School, but I´m pretty sure that public education must be easy to fool when you´re a genius. Police, not so much.
And that´s what makes Sunset´s actions so admirable here. It´s not like going to declare for Discord´s innocence will get her a few dirty looks, but she could get in troubles that quite literally would destroy her life. That´s how fucking bad it could be. Does she let this stop her? Hell no, she´s there for her friend. Twilight is right admiring her; Sunset is taking a huge risk in the name of friendship.
When I read that «Look deep within your heart and you will find your answer.» I couldn´t help but roll my eyes, but I laughed when Sunset followed suit. That´s the kind of thing Twilight could say because that´s the thing to say in Equestria. Here, not so much.
Now, Sunset and Entropy´s interaction? That was so goddamned adorable.
While I find heartwarming how easily Max is able to empathize with Sunset, what I liked the most and found the most hilarious is that Maxwell is a DILF. It fits, it fits so fucking perfectly! I had to pause that laugh for a couple of seconds when I read that.
I wonder if his son could have that effect on Sunset.
Now, here´s something I´d like to point out. It´s not a problem, at least yet. However, you should start working on it before it escalates.
You see, I understand Sunset´s position. She´s scared for rightful reasons due to the severity of the situation. However, from Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games we contemplated a pretty big leap in Sunset´s character. In FG she was much more in control, even if doubtful and pressured, she was cooler in the face of danger. Just look at how she faced Midnight. I´d like to see that here, if progressively. It´s not bad right now, and she has clearly shown strength with actions such as following Discord because of her suspicions, but I still want to see her evolve. I think you should keep up her character development so that by the end of this fic she´s able to stand up to a physical goddess.
I also love Max´s reaction to Sunset´s claims that his son actually has friends. It shows that he knows his son well enough to be aware of his disinterest for friendship, but not well enough to see he´s capable of actually doing it. It adds to his figure as a struggling father that I love so much.
Now, Sonata, by far, the best part of the chapter. I´ll be honest, I needed to take a break after she just handed him the envelope full of cash. I was laughing so fucking hard! It made perfectly good sense that Sonata would try to do that. I just couldn´t believe how blatant she was about it
And then, boom, subversion. She´s actually paying for his bail. That is really clever, and it makes me feel kinda bad for underestimating her. Yet, it catches the audience by surprise and that´s the idea, so it´s great.
I also like the idea of Sonata learning so much from TV, because it makes sense. She´s from another freaking world, of course she´d be confused. It´s cute, funny and realistic. How can´t you love it? The fact that she´s too innocent to realize what it looks like, though, is the best part. Just a perfect Sonata moment.
Also, Sonata´s speech defending Discord was so freaking heartfelt! I love to see how all his little actions have built up to create this bond (maybe unidirectional) bond between Discord and Sonata. In fact, I don´t think he was thinking through what he was doing when he aided her and her sisters, he was just having fun. However, the impact this has on Sonata is truly spectacular. How something so little for him is so big for her. Hell, I wouldn´t be surprised if Discord didn´t see her as much more than a classmate rather than a friend. And yet she idolizes him. That´s surprisingly dramatic and interesting. That just makes me wonder what will happen once they reunite in the next chapters. Hell, Discord will probably divert all his attention to the much closer Sunset leaving Sonata a little baffled. That has potential to be funny, sad, or both. With you writing I can expect anything!
Also, the fact that Sunset is hit by all the misfortunes of the Sirens, misfortunes the readers have gotten to know gradually is brutal and brilliant as well. I wonder what kind of conversation Sonata and Sunset may have after this. This is an ideal opportunity for both characters to interact in a way that has never been seen before.
Most fics of this kind cut to the chase and let us see the reunion, but not all the penuries of the sirens, so we have a really juicy plot in our hands!
I also like how understanding Maxwell is throughout the whole ordeal. It´s nice seeing him in such a good light after the previous chapter. I do hope we get to see his more badass side later on, as well as a darker side. Have him gun down someone, that will get me talking in the comments!
And finally, that mention to Eris is truly interesting. It adds to my theory that Eris left after some years to have fun somewhere else abandoning her family in the process. I really hope she is more explored in future chapters. Hell, maybe she could even make an appearance! I´d love to see her, maybe having a conversation with Discord or Entropy. That could make one of the best scenes in the fanfic. Then again, it would require some build up in order for it to have a significant impact. Just a suggestion. Although if you went for the route of not having her showing up ever it would be great too. We would emphasize more with Discord and Max´s pain after she disappeared.
So, all in all, this was a pretty good chapter! It was carried out by strong, relatively sane characters and it still managed to be funny, so there goes that. I am really looking forward for future scenes, though!
Keep up your awesome work!
This is a really great one. Just finished reading it, and well i hope Luna's class actually gets a change of heart. Some seem to already be starting on a good path as they seem to started to change, i can also see them acting like this way because of bad experiances, heck we now now more about Discord.
I also hope you get to the friendship games as see some of Luna's class compete. For example:
Crystal Prep student: Lest see you chs beat that- said the student who did a good amount of pull up in the bar.
Then the student representing ChS came foward revealing Tirek. Tirek grabed the bar with one hand and pulled. The enite thing sunk into the ground as Tirek left it just below his waist, this ofcourse shocked everyone exept for his class mates. He looked at the crystal prep student with a smile.
Tirek: Infinity
Alas, I came too late to the party. Was really an interesting read and had lots of laughs. Not to mention, the story was very good. A shame it's no longer going. Now I have to find something else to keep my attention
But kudos to you. You nailed everything right. The characters were on point, cool, and funny. The plot was spectacular and crazy giggles. Plus, I had the whole imagery of everyone in my mind. So nice foretelling or foreshadowing (not sure wish)
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Hm. I'd have considered the bit with Twilight almost dispensable here, as it mostly serves to confirm that Twilight and Sunset have a rather distant relationship, which I'd considered as implicit in the necessary setup for this fic (not to explain that Twilight isn't crossing over but to keep Sunset from being too proactive too early). The timing's critical, though, in that it nails just where Sunset is in the process of reintegration as a person.
Sunset standing up to a physical goddess is no feat. She's already done it. The catch is learning when she should and can. It's not relevant for this story how much of turning against Celestia was personal failing, how much teenage hormones and issues with a parental figure, and how much genuine insight into whatever Celestia's own flaws are. She's the Sunset, not the Morning Star. Her basic arc before this point still always falls in the bounds of defiance, exile, seizing on the first chance to test herself against her replacement (with the wonderful possibility raised that she might really have been an inferior replacement all along), and being utterly smacked down. Followed by desperately attempting to replace all her values, instincts and habits with the presumed ones of a barely met but perfect role model.
At this point Sunset knows why she could never replace Twilight. What she's yet to learn is why Twilight could never have replaced her. And at best Rainbow Rocks showed her how some parts of copying Twilight worked. It isn't until she's confident again in what her instincts are screaming are Twilight's flaws that she's fully rebuilt her personality and confidence. Which is also when her emotional and mental strengths start coming back into play. (And being so much Twilight's opposite in that department won't speed things up.)
So the more distant Twilight is, the longer the process takes. I suppose I'd applied that reasoning in converse early on reading this. At least keeping her focused on Discord gives Starlight some time to get started - that's the one I'd expect Sunset to be able to normally spot and shut down the quickest, after one failure due to not recognizing it's not obvious to everyone. (Not positive yet how this author's defining the character, but her focusing so much on presentation rather than projecting sincerity for manipulation reads to me like the near-sociopathy I'm familiar with for her. Which is an overrated trait. While a lifetime spent needing to memorize how people react to you can result in some very polished manipulative tools, the reason you have them is because you just don't get how people work to start with, need to hammer out scripts for every little thing, and in fact aren't sure which things are the little ones. Chrysalis at least knows how much emotional damage she's setting somebody up for, even if she doesn't care; Sunset was evidently able to use the extremely risky and high-stress tactic of personally delivered blackmail for years without any suicide or homicide attempts resulting. She already demonstrated a fine sense of empathy... if not sympathy. They're both better at that game than Starlight can hope to get.)