• Published 4th Oct 2015
  • 18,065 Views, 1,897 Comments

Chronicles of an Evil Overlord - Melancholy



Evil rising up to take over Equestria? Normal. Evil succeeding in taking over Equestria? Unusual. How did he do it? By following some simple rules...

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Rule 55

Domination of Equestria - T-342 days.

Who to send...who to send…
“Mr President?”
“Humm?”
“Is there a problem?”

Good question.
“Actually Miss Dictation, there might be. See, I’m deciding who to send on these acquisition missions and I'm having problems finding ponies with the right qualifications.”
“Really Sir? Well I am qualified in personnel management...”

You are? Oh yea, she’s far too overqualified to be a personal assistant. Why did I hire her again?
“So you are. Well then, have a look at these.”
“Humm, Saddle Arabia? Wouldn’t a few minotaurs make the most sense out there?”
“We don’t have any. For some reason they prefer to work outside of mainly pony occupied businesses.”
“Ah, right then Sir. Do you have the personnel records then?”
“Yea, sure. Third drawer down, second cabinet.”

Ah. That’s why. She’s got a fantastic rump. From forehooves to cutiemarks, she’s toned like a supermodel. I wonder, with the way she's handling that folder with her mouth, how well can she handle other things?
“Ah, here we are Sir, how about the Camels from Development Section Two? They’re well trained in desert combat. Former special forces.”
“Those two? Weren’t they discharged for looting?”
“Yes sir, but if we allow them to keep anything else they find provided they hand over what we want then I can’t think of anyone better to find something hidden than a looter.”
“Humm, good idea. You’re very good at this Miss Dictation.”
“Oh my, um...thank you Sir.”

She’s kinda cute when she blushes too.
“Ok, now this one?”
“Appleoosa? Oh, I know that one! We have a buffalo in Section one. He’s good fun.”
“We do? How did that happen?”
“He was banished from the buffalo plains for committing sins against the ancestors.”
“Wouldn’t the Appleoosan Buffalo be wary of him then?”
“Not at all sir, they don’t have any contact with the Plains Buffalo. Also they cremate their dead instead of burial, so no chance of reoffending.”
“Is that so? Well spotted Miss Dictation!”
“Oh, Sir, please. You praise me too much.”

Or, judging from the way you’re rubbing your hindlegs together, just enough.
“Ok, last but not least, there’s this mission in Canterlot. That’s the one that’s been really stumping me.”
“Really Sir? Security has been far more lax in Canterlot the last few years. Why not just send the Changeling’s in? I mean, we have so many we could flood the city and find it in a matter of a few days.”
“The Changelings? If there was even a hint of Changelings in Canterlot then we could be swamped in hours with Royal Guard. Aiding, abetting or using Changelings is a massive crime, and we have more of them than most Badlands hives have ever had sitting directly under us being armed for a full on takeover of Equestria.”
“That might be true Sir, but the facility underneath the Manehatten Branch is impenetrable. We’ve gone through five inspections, including one by the police and they don’t suspect a thing.
Besides. no one’s seen a Changeling for years, they hardly run any checks anymore in the city at large.”
“Is that so? Well in that case, I think the decision’s been made. Well done Miss Dictation, that’s a load off my mind.”
“Please, Sir. It’s nothing, honestly.”

Hah, that’s brilliant, I can smell her from here. How long’s this little infatuation been going on that just a little bit of praise can have that kind of effect?
Oh yea, the tiny doses of love poison I’ve been sneaking into her tea might have something to do with it.
“Nonsense! Why don’t you come sit here with me, humm?”
“Can I? Oh, Sir, you’re quite warm.”
“Am I? You sure you’re not just cold? Why don’t you come a little closer and let me warm you up a little?”

Overlord Rule No:55 The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.