When the Royal Wedding scatters defeated changelings all over Equestria, a member of the hive winds up being captured in Ponyville, tied up, stunned, repeatedly shot by a cannon, and held against his will.
The truly frightening part is he’s starting to like it.
Thank you to my twisted editors: Tek, Seether00, GameKnut, Cerulean Blue and Peter
The picture Pinkie Pie uses Party Canon is from Atmospark at DeviantArt
This story is listed as comedy⁽*⁾ because the author has an odd sense of humor. No changelings were harmed⁽¹⁾ during the production of this story, despite what the newspapers printed or the ongoing lawsuit from the ESPCA⁽²⁾. The management would like to remind all readers to spay and neuter your pets. Unless your pet is a changeling, in which case…
(*) Dark humor, to be exact. If you are someone who finds pleasure in the misfortune of others, enjoys watching the occasional inept chainsaw juggler or cheers during a NASCAR crash, welcome home. Also, get help.
(1) Excluding blunt trauma, thermal impingement, chemical exposure, radiation, thaumaturgic infusions, and confetti ingestion. All characters represented, including changelings, are the exclusive property of Hasbro, no matter what they may shout at you from between the bars of their cell. Any violence or pain inflicted on the changeling in this story was simulated on a stunt changeling with special effects and mirrors. Except for the cannon. There is no truth to the rumor that Queen Chrysalis provided the stunt changelings from a supply of disobedient changelings in her dungeon⁽³⁾.
(2) Equestrian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Arthropods
(3) The Changeling Kingdom does not have dungeons. They have Call Centers. It explains a lot, actually.
Here is a link to some appropriate background music to listen to while reading: Piotr Tchaikovneigh’s 1812 Overture
Additional Note: This story is tagged Sex because it has the occasional reference to… well, sex. There are no explicit references, but there are things.
First comment is reserved for the author. Welcome to my corner of the world. Grab some popcorn and have a seat. The explosions will start shortly.
Nothing could possibly go wrong from this first chapter, could it?
You're very punctual. Congrats on 1,000 followers, and here's to the next 7,000!
Nothing is sacred to Pinkie Pie. Nopony is safe from Pinkie Pie. There is only cake and smiles for you!
5514549
Just an extreme game of jump rope, right?
. . . Right?
I have a feeling I'm really going to enjoy this story. I like how much of an unreliable narrator Mrs. Tolliver (since he has yet to be named officially) is because it creates a very interesting story. Let's see where this goes.
Oh, I am gonna enjoy this.
5514648
Knowing them it could be
5514549 I am sorry I dont understand. His HM link was broken so he cant return? Cant he reconnect to it once he returns?
Or is it that he just can't move and is in too much pain?
The sex tag makes me a little reluctant into reading it, but I'll give it a shot.
Well, this looks like it's going to be a delightful romp. I already have a few guesses about what may have happened the narrator. Looking forward to more.
5514631
That's not entirely true. Oaths and promises are sacred to Pinkie Pie. Those who break them are indeed not safe from her.
5514956
I believe this is intended as, sometimes changelings are born in the hive without that connection, and those are immediately cast out as abominations. Having lost his connection, he thinks he falls in that category now. He probably doesn't realize this probably happened to all the rest, too.
Ohhh. Hes more damaged than he thought
He unwittingly made, and is about to break, a Pinkie Promise?
Yeap. This is one dead 'ling.
And, there we go. Break a Pinkie Promise, and she will know! And she will be there!
That's the spirit!
...alas. This hope was in vain
Wonderful so far. This changeling makes an excellent punching bag for excessive amounts of Schadenfreude.
I haven't read the story yet, but I have to say this is the absolutiest bestest story description I have ever seen on this site (or any other)! It has entreaties, warnings, and even legal disclosures to protect the poor folks who read leagal disclosures and take them seriously. Seriously! It is descriptive yet engaging, and catered to the masses in a very personal way.
Yes, it has everything in except Yul Brenner, and I forgive that given this isn't a HiE story, and he's dead anyway.
I loved the crust, and I now look forward to the proof of the pudding!
Okay. Now I've read the story. (Clops hooves. for an embarrassingly long time. Didn't paste the video of Leo clapping because, let's face it, it's been overused.)
That was really, really, really very good!
Really.
Moar please!
A changling dealing with Pinkie Pie's manic antics... WELP! *claps hands* Nice knowing ya, little No-Name!
Doooooommmmmmmed!!!!!!!
The bug is in for it now!
5515374 Pinkie Promises are not sacred, they are THE LAW!
Pinkie Pie is THE LAW!
This is going to be fun, as usual, Georg.
If he lets slip that he's starving to death, Twilight might find a way to magically sustain him (either from a cold, vengeful desire to not lose her test subject, or from a sense of moral duty). He'll never be able to escape into the sweet embrace of changeling-death by starvation.
It's a learning process. I hope he survives it.
Ooooo, breaking a Pinkie Promise, not the best move on your first visit to Ponyville if you ever want to be able to leave untracked.
We've never really seen the full consequences of breaking a Promise, makes me wonder if leaving you in the clutches of the CMC is simply one of the possible stages of punishment.
5515953 I can see Princess Celestia pronouncing sentence on a particularly vile criminal: "You have been found guilty and are hereby sentenced to three weeks foalsitting Mister and Missus Cake's twins. You're a lucky stallion, because the jury had the option of assigning you to the Cutie Mark Crusaders for a week, and nopony has survived that yet."
5515744 She does have a tendency to regard every problem she sees as one that needs to be solved by her, regardless of the situation.
5515470 The first ten or so chapters will flow fairly fast, as they're done except for a few minor tweaks that always show up in the publication process. And I wrote the ending, so all that's left is a few chapters between.
5515418 5515374 Worse than that, he gets to break a double Pinkie Promise.
5514688 Right on the button. Keep that in mind as you read along.
5515950 This is seeming less like a learning process and more like inexcusable abuse.
5515989 Down here in the South (Georgia), we call it "tough love".
At least No-Name is living up to the saying of "if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough".... I am pretty sure lesser beings would've already gone on to the great beyond two party canon shots ago.
Oh, oh, oh! Mister Liar Liar should say the following:
"I promise that Pinkie Pie will never punish me for breaking a Pinkie Promise. [insert Pinkie Promise]. I promise that I am going to be released within the next ten seconds and never bothered by anypony from Ponyville ever again. [insert Pinkie Promise]."
Pinkie Pie can't help somebuggy break a promise, but she can't punish him either--or she would be forcing him to break the promise. Pinkie Pie's head should explode into a shower of confetti shortly after.
"Stop staring at things or you might get your Cutie Mark in them" has got to be the Equestrian equivalent of "don't make that face or it will get stuck that way."
5514956 5515382 Please note he was a lot closer to the Love Bomb than most of his fellow changelings, much like being close to a real bomb can result in deafness.
5514648 Cutie Mark Crusader Rope Makers!
5516343
so if doctor ponies get cutiemarks in medicine what would a ponies cutiemark be for something involving gynecology or something of the like? that would kinda be unfortunate!
Okay. I did not see that coming
Hah, what?
Och, ye fuul! It is a cursèd phrase! It summons the Pink Terror! Duu not use it loightly, or ye shall nae live tae tell the tale!
Aye, it summons 'er Terrible Wep'n, tuu!
This is getting dangerously close to A Clockwork Orange brainwashing territory
She sees ye when ye'r sleepin'! She knows when ye'r awake!
She knows if ye've been bad or guud, so be guud fer gudness sake!
Yeeah... that doesn't sound like much fun
Ye fuul! Ye summoned 'er! Now ye shall live under de Pink Cannon's duumed shadow... FOREVERRRR!
Orroight. Old Tavern Poirate Nyer an' 'is Gruusume Legends of de Pink Deep, soigning off!
mmmmm well if this keeps up he well be screeming any time he don't have ropes wraped around him at all times for fear of Pinkie Pie shooting him with her Cannon.
5516713
Pinkie and her droogs have already given him (or her!
) a spot of the 'ol ultra-violence. Just wait until she breaks out the flash street choreography heavy artillery!
Poor 'ling, he's the Butt Monkey to end all Butt Monkeys.
The poor Changeling. After the CMC, what more can they really do to him?
HAS HE LEARNED NOTHING?!
I have seen enough to know where this is going!
5516551
Probably something like a caduceus topped with the Venus symbol. Get your mind out of the gutter. =P
When will there be a second chapter?
5517262
its not my fault! all these shameless writers, writing their shamelessness for me to read, im innocent!
*i have a large library of so many random genres i should def catalog them*
Well, you can't really fault his persistence, bless his wizened little heart. But he's still dumb as a sack full of hammers.
5518438
Well, he's desperate, and believes that he is dying. Would you want to spend the last days of your life a prisoner? Better to die free than in a cage.
Aw, but that's the best part
Oooo, a milkshake just too far away to drink? Pinkie's punishment is cruel.
Bwhahahahaha!
Man, Sweetie is really sticking to her guns on the "Or she" issue.
At this point I'm going to chalk this up to karma in action, for the "thing" examination if nothing else.
Gotta give this guy props for his incredible persistence. I know I would have long sense given up after all those party cannon shots to the face.
Pink is sweet evil...
New story bey Georg? And its about changelings? And has Pinkie and the CMC tagged as major characters? Away we go!
CMC changeling catchers YAY!
Oh my god. That conversation with the CMC. WOW.
Honest, those juice boxes just fell off the back of the wagon.