• Published 4th Oct 2015
  • 18,063 Views, 1,897 Comments

Chronicles of an Evil Overlord - Melancholy



Evil rising up to take over Equestria? Normal. Evil succeeding in taking over Equestria? Unusual. How did he do it? By following some simple rules...

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Rule 1

It is a beautiful day in Equestria. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there isn't a cloud in the sky above the Castle of the Supreme Overlord in Canterlot.
Castle of the Celestial Sisters? You’re a little late my friend. Didn’t you get the memo?
The Dominion of Equestria has been mine for a whole year now.

Domination of Equestria - T+365 days.

From the great seas in the south to the frozen north, a wonderful recent acquisition, my Dominion has gone from strength to strength under my leadership. Poverty is down, wages are up. Social unrest is down, crime is down, dissatisfaction with the government is (officially) down. Some may say that’s down to some rather oppressive laws and brutal police practices, and I would agree with them wholeheartedly. You can’t argue with results afterall.

Elements of Harmony, Alicorn Sisters, Empires of the north and countless rebellions have fallen before me. Some would say that I could probably relax by now. The counter down in the hallway reads a healthy 17 days since the last armed insurrection. If we manage a month I have plans to hold a party for all in the security services. With Doughnuts. Ponies really really like doughnuts.

So tell me, my little friend, who are you again? No, you’re not North Wind. For starters, North Wind is a Pegasus, not an Earth Pony. Second, I know North Wind quite well, I attended his foal shower only a couple of months ago.
What? Of course I can tell you’re not him. I can see you. It may be his uniform, and I hope for the sake of your friends and family that you didn’t hurt him too much when you stole it, and it may have his name tag on it, but I can see your face. Clear glass helmets for all those in uniform. It’s a simple policy and one that’s stopped more infiltrators like you than you have grass chewing molars in your mouth.

You know what? Never mind. Over the railing with you. Alioop! There we go. I still quite like the look on the face of Earth Ponies when they find themselves in the air with nothing under them. It’s a strange combination of shock, surprise and a yearning. A deep yearning to have the earth under their hooves again. The irony that they very quickly get that wish fulfilled in a very final manner is not lost on me I assure you.

Guards? Could you fly down there, make sure he’s dead and incinerate the body for me? Yes, standard procedure, double tap to the skull if he’s not moving, full clip to the chest if it even so much as twitches in the breeze, then double tap the skull.

Oh, and find North Wind. If he’s alive then retire him. No, not permanently, with a pension. Jeeze, I’m not a monster, he’s got a family. He has rather proved unreliable though.

Overlord Rule No:1 My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.