• Member Since 7th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Alex Warlorn

Just your average Brony who happened upon an idea that might actually turn out to be clever enough for guys to love.



"Okay everypony! Time to play Oubliettes and Ogres!" Twilight said, holding up the reference book like the ponies hadn't seen it multiple times before.

Pinkie Pie clapped her hooves. "Oh silly-filly, we can say 'Dungeons and Dragons' we're both owned by Hasbro!" She was ignored.

"Dungeons and Dragons, I mean, Oubliettes and Ogres? Don't you know that's Nightmare Moon's game?" The Doctor gasped sticking his head through the window.

Princess Luna pushed him out of the way and stuck her in the window and shouted, "Just because we were mad with jealous and bruised ego, does NOT mean all our hobbies at the time were themselves evil!"

Twilight Sparkle blinked and uncurled an ancient scroll examining it closely. "At least that explains the ancient 'Slay the Tyrant Sun' campaign module from the ancient first editions I found in the Castle of the Two Sisters."

Luna blushed.

This is a group-story/addventure/chain-story/round robin, fanfic 'story' of the Mane Six Plus Spike playing Dungeons and Dragons/Oubliettes and Ogres, with occasional guest players (like Trixie or Gilda), with Spike and Twilight rotating as Dungeon Master. It's intended to be an IN-CHARACTER comedy.

However, except for the opening set-up post, each post should be more self contained, if say (in joke) Twilight is fire balled by a Mimic in one post in a desert pyramid, the next post can have them sailing a ship encountering seaponies siren expies, each one containing a short joke, or an extension of a previous scene if that's what the poster wants. Time skips, flash backs, the ponies rotating different characters and campaigns, are all allowed (and ENCOURAGED) as long as the ponies stay in character (such as Pinkie Pie NOT fireballing a cabbage sales stallion and saying she thought he was a demon, thank you very much).

There are prototype rules and may change with time.

It's also intended to be an INDEPENDENT UNIVERSE from the Pony POV Series OR the Pinkie Pie Variety Show! So things aren't esoteric.

What's you post in the comments, it's then copy and pasted into the fic above, have fun.


Cover image by SolanumEpidemic


Chapters (109)
Comments ( 2096 )

Dash snorted. "And you have at least half of that down -- oops."


Ah, but which half did Dashie mean? :trixieshiftright:

(more later, I need sleep)

Nice to see this here. :)

Gilda separated the two.
"Can we just play this dweeb game already?"

Sad day when GIlda's the straight man. Mare, bird, whatever.

"And he called my, MY, wedding dress for dear Tatyana tacky!" Rarity's eyes blazed. "Right before he kidnapped her!" She dramatically threw one foreleg across her face. "How can even a soulless vampony ruin someone's wedding day?!?"

Well, if it helps, anyone who comes across Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate who ISN'T allied to him or the Hellsing Organization, usually ends up pumped full of either holy bullets or explosive ones. That doesn't help, does it?

"He's a vampony! He's most powerful at night!"

Your funeral.

Applejack said, embarrassed, "Yeah, still can't believe I rolled so low the Crossbow fired backwards!"

How does that even WORK?

"I fail to see why I'm a player and not the game master!" Discord lamented, Fluttershy having talked him into joining for the night.

Because you've played Game Master IRL before, the maze and well, your idea of fair play is not fair at all. That, and whatever plot you could come up with would make either no sense, or so much sense it's scary.

"Hmp! I'm Discord! Which of these character types could POSSIBLY be hard for me to manage?"

A Lawful Good.

"Rage quit? When have I ever rage quit?" Discord asked, looking offended, ignoring the flat look he got in return.

When Fluttershy beat you in your maze game.

Even Discord was not immune to the dreaded act of 'tempting fate' it seemed, as the wheel landed on the Paladin class, much to the spirit's shock.

Of course.

Rarity turned her nose up. "Forgive me if I prefer my Paladins to be Nights in Shining Armor."


"I wanted to find it and replace it -- ah, here it is!" With those words Discord reached into a hole in space from which a chill wailing came and yanked out the upper third of a gleaming sword blade. He called into it, "Thanks, Mom!"
"STOP. LOSING. YOUR TOYS!" was the response as it slammed shut.

This amuses me.

"It certainly wasn't the Equinomorphic Representation of Heat Death," Discord said. "Different series entirely."

Careful with the 4th wall.

"Ahem!" Discord lowered his claw. "I merely wish to state that his actions are completely impossible. Eating even just ONE soul would cause years of indigestion and leave him incapable of fighting us. Realistically..."

Souls cause indigestion?

“Infinite sides mean infinite possibilities, anything can happen when you roll this. Our faces could melt into jelly or the world can turn into an egg!”

That, doesn't sound good.

Back in Canterlot the two new royal Shetland Alicorns were discussing their predicament.
“When I said that I wanted to be more approachable to my little ponies this wasn’t what I had in mind,” said Celestia.
“But I love being a chubby, stubby, roly-poly, ball of adorable!” said Luna.

This need fanart so bad.

"Remind me again why is Trixie the sorceress?" Rarity asked Twilight, "I mean, wouldn't it be better for her to be a illusionist? Or a bard?"
Twilight shrugged, "Well, I can't stop her from picking whatever class she wants. Besides, she's doing well so far."

Fair enough.

"The entire continent." Twilight finished. Then she realizes something else, and added "And to add insult to injury, it also rips open the barrier between the physical plane and that of the Stygian Abyss, where Overlord Capra was summoning Stygian Horrors from, allowing said monsters to swarm into the physical plane and overrun the rest of the world."

Not bad, a full Henderson plot derailment.

"Watch it there, pardner," Applejack warned him. "Or we're gonna give ya to the CMC and let Sweetie give ya another makeover."
Poncererak shuddered. "I'll be good," he said weakly.

Ladies and gentlemen, Equestria's most dangerous weapon: The Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Not everypony can get zapped with th' Elements o' Harmony, Rainbow."

... Fair enough I guess.

"It's not an enchantment, she's just so nice and likable and good at diplomacy that you all want to help her to the best of your ability." Fluttershy smiled wider and wider. "And help everypony in the land adopt a pet, and ensure everypony is nice to each other, you'll help bring about paradise!" Fluttershy let out a laugh similar to the one she cackled when setting a trap for animals at the Grand Galloping Gala.

You worry me, Fluttershy.

"Let her go," Twilight said. "What can possibly go wrong?"

Aaand ya jinxed it.

Discord rolled his eyes. "Oh come now, since when does giving the lord of the undead ANYTHING ever turn out well?"
"When Twilight's the game master and a stickler for mythology?" Pinkie Pie asked. In this case, the Warden of Tartarus was just that, the Warden.

Well played.

"And due to un-Paladin-like behavior, you're penalized until you redeem yourself," Twilight pointed out.

You ponies are evil.

"This coming from one of six mares who face dark magic, scary monsters, evil overlords and mad gods on a yearly basis?" Pinkie Pie quipped, earning her a glare from Applejack, which made her giggle even more, "Oh Applejack, you are such a silly filly sometimes."


"Oooh, I like the way you think!" Shining Armor replied happily at his wife's suggestion, earning him a nuzzle.

You would.

Discord matched his pose mockingly. "Don't get snippy with me, mon capitan! You already called dibs on the space pirate."

That feels like a subtle reference to Q.

"Whatever!" Discord leaned towards Twilight and stage whispered, "I use the power of the Horse to give him a chainmail wedgie."

The Horse. Wow. And I thought I had bad puns.

"Preposterous! And believe me, I know preposterous."


"Spike! I'm tickling Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie grinned.

That's evil.

"Saved from a fungal makeover by fashion!" Rarity said triumphantly. "I'll be certain to tell your successors how you were heroically turned into tribal fungus ponies."


"Far be it from me to not honor you last request darling."


"And now the be-fungied ponies turn towards you three as well," Spike laughed as malevolently as a young dragon could laugh as he pointed at the last three unconverted members of the party.

So, a 5 out of 10?

"Oh, stop worrying," Discord waved one claw and everypony and -dragon at the table turned into a mushroom. They quivered in horror as he said, "I asked my old buddy the Smooze about it, and he said most fungi are really fun guys! Get it? Get it?"

Corner. Now.

"Dazzle!" Diamond yelled to her little black cat. "The dice are not candy! Quit trying to eat them!"
"Meow, meow, rowr, meow! (then they shouldn't have made them look so tasty!)" said Dazzle.

Diamond Tiara has a cat. Huh.

"I don't know what went wrong," said Derpy, looking down guilty. "And I didn't know that Vinyl's sound system could be turned up that loud."

It's a DUBSTEP system. DO I need to elaborate?

"No, I'm going to summon regular old rats." Discord then went on about how his character was flushed down a toilet and was raised by the rats in the sewer, he even brought his 'Dad' as a starter animal.


"Pst! I can take anything Trixie can dish out!" Rainbow Dash said.

Famous last words.

"Now I get to throw you ANOTHER happy birthday party Fluttershy! And now I'm a total ten minutes older than you!" Pinkie said, her previous clone having gone to the big party store in the sky after crashing their air car into the Frankenpony Destroyers rally.

You're strange.

"This game has been totally fun! We should play some more!" Rainbow clapped her hooves.


Maud Pie stared at the miniatures on the game board for a full minute before she spoke. "My bard tells King Daystar a joke."


Maud picked up the quartz 20-sided die, then blew on it, as if she'd just remembered that was a thing ponies sometimes did. She tossed it and rolled a twenty. Again.

For some reason, I'm not surprised.

Maud rolled again. Twenty.

Guess it pays to use a quartz die when you have a rock based talent.

Rainbow Dash grinned. "I think that rock..." She slipped on a pair of tinted flight goggles. "... has a crush on her."

Rainbow? CORNER. NOW.

I've been waiting for something like this for a long long time.


Place that request here please. :-) http://alexwarlorn.deviantart.com/art/Ponies-and-Dragons-II-Just-Have-Fun-553065289

And poor Trixie... I ironically prefer Damp Rocks which showed Maud's mountain of patience works as well on Trixie as it does on Pinkie Pie.


Er, no, not right now at least. I was just saying that I liked the idea and all.


Happy this was fun for you. What does 'Hm' mean?

Great to see this show up here on FIMfic. The responses to it should be interesting.

Do they just play random games after another? I thought it would be like a whole story about them playing Dungeon and Dragons or something like that.

6385679 This isn't in any sort of consecutive order; think of it more as a collection of short stories, gags and jokes.

I'll keep this in mind, call me when it's time for Shadowrun, it's something I know way to much about.


They all take place in the same universe. But contributors are completely free to time skip as much as they want.


If anyone even notices it's HERE.

Thanks for putting this up on fimfic! A fun series of vignettes. Trixie as Friend Computer has to be the best, but the Ravenloft shout out is a close second. I was all set to call them a bunch of filthy casuals because of the cross-system house-ruled respawning caves the mane 6 and friends have, but I changed my mind after seeing them use critical fumbles.

"Knights in Shining Armor do NOT club the princess unconscious as she begs them to save her from the forced marriage to the Wicked Shadow King to save her country, rather than her One True Love, and then hand her over!"

Gotta disagree with you there Rarity, arranged marriages are creepy but presumably lawful here, and clearly for the greater good. That's the paladin code!


The respawn thing is from Minecraft. And happy you like Friend Computer. And critical fumbles always make for good comedy.

Gotta disagree with you there Rarity, arranged marriages are creepy but presumably lawful here, and clearly for the greater good. That's the paladin code!

Rarity, "Darlings . . . lightning strikes Howard, he's reduced to ashes and a wind blows him away. Roll up a new character. And allowing an innocent to suffer IS against the paladin code."

Seriously, reminds me of Brian in Knight of the Dinner Table, when the only nice player in the group pointed out he was stealing from the shares of his own subordinates, when he was supposed to be lawful good. "Hey! It's lawful! And it's good for me!"

6387461 Paladins have to think about the big picture too, though I'm not being fair to Rarity here. Technically, she said Knight in Shining Armor, not Paladin. Based on her earlier comments, I'm guessing her view on a noble knight is less Paladins performing triage near the Worldwound, and more Ivanhoe and the classic knights of the romantic era. They would never allow a named NPC to suffer for any amount of unnamed NPCs, and since they live in romance novels, they always find a way to save everyone.

Yeah, I am a huge KODT fan myself, especially Brian, including when Sarah calls him out. I was discussing a rules option in Pathfinder for letting players play using subjective morality instead of the standard 9 alignments. My friend is a philosophy major, and he was sure he could have the GM admit by the end of the first session that burning down that orphanage with the doors locked first fits within a paladin's alignment. (For the record, we decided against that rules option, because it wouldn't be fair to our poor GM).

Now that I think about it, this group could use an annoying rules lawyer. The next time Shining Armor stops by, he should bring Gaffer, that guy always struck me as a rules lawyer type.


The only thing as annoying as a paladin who ends up justifying burning down the orphanage, is the DM who zaps the paladin for politely saying hi to a guy who littered some time in his childhood.

this entire thing is Hilarius im glad i found it.

Hilarious and I loved it. Also some of these things I also experienced at my times with some many RP games. ^^

Ah, Paranoia. Wonderfully funny and interesting setting, but you really need the right kind of players to make it work or the evening will degenerate into endless bickering and hurt feelings and nothing interesting ever happening.

I can totally see Trixie want to run that one, though. It is a power trip. Especially the "rulebook knowledge is above your clearance" rule.

How about Teenagers From Outer Space? A game where shenanigans rule. Pinkie and Discord would like it.


Oh really? TELL ME MORE!


I hope the ponies playing Paranoia was FUNNY!

How about Teenagers From Outer Space? A game where shenanigans rule. Pinkie and Discord would like it.

I never played that game myself. This IS a glorified free for all round robin, if you write it yourself, I'll add in to the next chapter as one of the sessions!


Well the Maud Pie incident. Against the odds I had a player that scored natural 20, 12 times in a single row. Which resulted that his low level character defeat an ancient dragon whom Challenge Rate was way too high for their party to face head on. The dungeon was designed so that the party members could move around safely because they were to small for the dragon to enter but certain room the players had to gamble in taking risks knowing they could encounter the dragon. Against all odds not only did they met the dragon thanks to that lucky dice karma they defeated it. I had to chance my entire story and come up with a new story arc for my party.

Not to mention all the skill checks he passed resulting in a single session he was actually knighted and giving a small patch of land as level 4 character. To top it all of for the irony he was a halfling rogue. Yeah it was a real weird session. :twilightsmile:


I'd have sworn my players were cheating if they did that. Then again, we did use a chat room, so there was no telling who was cheating and who wasn't. I read in a gaming magazine where a drunk level 1 character used their mace on a pit fiend or similar high level demon, and did a string of crits to one hit the baddie, but the monster exploded killing him, but his mace was regarded in the campaign world from then on as a holy relic and he was given sainthood or the like.


Naw I knew the player personally. He doesn't cheat. It was just one of those against the odds. Like when a party of 6 all rolled a natural one for perception check in a pathfinder campaign. I still chuckle about how they all failed to see a hill giant sneaking towards them. XD


I hope your planning to do a sequel. This was hilarious to read. :raritystarry:


DUDE! It's still going on! You can add another part for yourself right here!


"...so we got to talking about the various systems he encountered, and Shining mentioned something that sounded really interesting. I did a little digging, and voila!" Twilight slammed down a stack of papers with a clearly home-made binding.

"So..." Rainbow gave the walking box on the cover a look. "What's this about?"

"You play as robots after all of ponykind has mysteriously vanished," Twilight explained.

"Whoa! That sounds awesome! Are we like giant robots that fight in the cities or are we the skeletal soldier kind?"

"...neither. You're more like... ordinary, real world robots." She pointed at a disc buzzing by. "You know, like my Waxomatic, or maybe the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy six thousand."

Rainbow stared at the disk as it obliviously started bumping against a wall. "...really."

"I mean I guess you could be a gunbot," Twilight allowed, "with a little creativity, but the whole point is more a philosophical exploration of what it means to be a device in a world where your purpose is gone." She gave Rainbow Dash a worried look. "How about you join the rest of us girls for the first session, and if you don't like it we can have your character explode or whatever?"

"...alright, fine. But this better be awesome."

"Ooh, here's another one!" Pinkie Pie snatched one up with a cover depicting a blue unicorn mare with a wizard's hat and cloak, facing off against a giant bear made of stars. "'Play the Great and Powerful and not in the least Egotistical Trixie as she saves Ponyville and the hapless Element Bearers from a problem created by Twilight Sparkle's miscast spells'?"

To be fair, Twilight has made quite a few problems (and made existing problems bigger) by messing up her spells. Personally, my interpretation is that she's always studying new and more powerful magic all the time, so she doesn't take the time to perfect any spell (except teleportation, which is her "signature spell"). Conversely, Trixie hones her repertoire meticulously, because she can't afford to mess up on stage even once.

Vinyl Scratch horn glowed, displaying a picture of her character and Doctor Hooves PC GM. Running him through.

This is the proper way to deal with them. GMs should not try to be PCs. It never ends well.

So it was, less than five minutes into the campaign, Rainbow Dash's rookie became the first of many, MANY Terrornaut casualties in what would become a very hard and desperate struggle against a ruthless and very competent adversary bent on conquering and destroying the surface world.

"X-COM: Crushing the alien menace under our mountain of rookie corpses."

"I don't think these guys are gonna stop invading the surface world if we offer them free cupcakes Twilight," Rainbow Dash said.

"I'd offer them cake, not cupcakes." Pinkie corrupted.

"Join the pony side, we've got cake." I'd say Pinkie can be a corrupting influence when she tries.

"But this 'ere fella is a giant talkin' HAMSTER!"

As if that would be out of the ordinary in Equestria.

"So these here critters got bodies like spiders, but heads an' necks like Quarray Eels, an' they can mind control giant four-eyed critters that tear ponies limb from limb. AN' they feed ponies ta their 'Great Old Master'?"

"Well, yes," Spike said as he examined the rulebook. He showed them a picture. "See?"

AJ shuddered. "Do the fellas that write these things ASK Luna for the worst nightmares she's got?"

"Oh, and when they reach old age, and senility kicks in, and begin giving confusing orders to their slaves, they inject their poisons several times into one, turning into a mindless eating machine that'll eventually split open and bring about the new generations." Spike said with a straight face.

Applejack said. "Ah'm gonna hug Granny Smith and tell 'her how much Ah love'er when Ah get back."

Ah, Neogi. Makes mindflayers look pleasant by comparison.

"Rise of the Caribou..."

I'll just assume that's the Equestrian counterpart to F.A.T.A.L.

Spike noted a little text on the inside of the book that read. Will be your dearest friend even through reboots --love, Minty.

Fun fact: Minty is now a blindbag pony. So yes, she is G4 canon!


Your guesses were right on the money.

I begging for a leeroy Jenkins moment!!!!

Anyone can play, even the Cake Twins?


How the heck would they understand all the rules or say what their characters were doing?

And if you want one baby, you just need to write one.

Twilight nodded, the board all set up. "Yes, my brother pulled some strings with an old friend of his, it'll be being sold soon! The first module is about Nightmare Moon, extending it into a fantasy adventure."
Pinkie Pie giggled, looking at herself on the box. "Cool!"

Indeed. Guess it pays to have family in high places, huh?

"Are we going to get paid for this?" Rarity questioned. She was thankful Shining's friend hadn't shown her as an overly sexualized amazon or something.

Yes, I suspect she wouldn't take that well.

"Yeah, as soon as it's in production we'll get royalties."

But what does Celesita have to do with this?:trollestia:

"Like me, duh." Spike said matter of fact. "Considering I was ASLEEP for that adventure." He gave Twilight the stink eye.

Spike, dragon or not, you're still a kid, you were asleep on your feet as it was.

"Help save Sir Spike heroically save the helpless damsel Princess Rarity from the great and terrible Diamond Dogs?" Rainbow Dash read the description.

Really Spike? Really?

Rarity said politely. "Me thinks there were some creative liberties taken with that module."


"Him say Diamond Dogs violent barbarians that make slaves of ponies? Is insult! We dig into company office and drag nasty-bad pony off to work in mine forever as punishment!"

Not helping.

"Oh dear!" Rarity blushed. "They made a game about that little, ahem, boo-boo?" She picked up the module and read it. "'Save the noble Wonderbolts and that grandstanding publicity hound Rarity' -- WHA-AAA-AAT? Rainbow Dash!" She gave the laughing pegasus a glare that promised death. "Is this supposed to be funny??"

No, no, I think you mean

"Umm, you really did look better without it, though." Fluttershy blushed at Rarity's glare. The unicorn only relaxed when her friends nodded.

She's right.

"Gee, Ah wonder who was the consultant on that one," Applejack said as she looked at her character sheet.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! I know! Pick me! Pick me!

"Please forgive me Applejack dear, but your formal education is wanting," Rarity said politely.

No offense AJ; but, while you are intelligent, she has a point.

"Oh look Rarity your Charisma is 18!" Pinkie Pie smiled.
"Of course darling."
"And mine is 20 and Fluttershy's is 22!"
"WHAT?!" Rarity exclaimed.

That makes, little sense.

"Well, I can juggle and rid a unicycle at the same time, I can organize the biggest parities in the country, I'm friends with every pony in Ponyville, I know to laugh your fears away and how great it is to smile, I worked on a rock farm, and you girls have said I have the strongest stomach out of us, so really I don't see why I should." Pinkie Pie said innocently.

Not helping.

"Sorry, your bard spell has no effect on them, it seems your only chance is to buy time for the Time Lord."

That's how most things in Doctor Who go, let the Doctor do stuff.

"What's wrong, dear?" Rarity looked at her own sheet. "They didn't say something offensive, did they? Not like -- WHAT!" Rarity glared. "'Can use Bluff skill for seduction'? And '+4 when in full vamp mode'?? Are they saying that I use my nothing but my looks to manipulate stallions?" She looked up. None of her friends looked her in the eye, seeming vastly interested in the floor or walls. "Girls, you can't believe this is true! I also use my wit, my charm, my sense of class..."

I'm sure you do...

"Oh! I can see what the problem is." Fluttershy turned even redder as Twilight read from the sheet. "Maxed-out Diplomacy and Intimidate? '++4 on Diplomacy to appear cute and helpless, +4 on Intimidate when friends threatened'? Reputation as loveliest non-alicorn mare in Equestria?"
"Well, it's kinda true," Applejack said. "Remember how them stallions used to visit town just ta try and get a date with ya, 'Shy?"

Wow. Not sure who's more popular, regular 'Shy, or Pony POV 'Shy for reasons I shall not spoil if you don't know what I mean.

Rarity glared and ground her teeth in fury. "Twilight dear, I want to have a talk with that friend of your brother. Look at these disadvantages he gave me! 'Vain'? 'Greedy'? A 'Social Climber'? Hmmph!" She tossed her mane back with one hoof. "How could anyone look at moi and see a vain mare?"

... Do, you really want me to answer that?

"I mean seriously! If I'm greedy what does that make Suri?!"
"A jerk," Rainbow Dash replied.


"Yep!" said Twilight brightly. "Spike asked him how he'd convince the Diamond Dogs to let Rarity go, and he actually gave a speech in-character."


Pinkie started giggling uncontrollably. "Oh. Oh, I get it! We're doing the Morn thing! Heehee! Did you know this was coming?" The camera started to pan away from her, but Pinkie lunged and grabbed hold of it, looking it right in the eye. "Did YOU know this was coming? ME NEITHER!"

Pinkie! Enough! The 4th wall is FRAGILE! Keep breaking it like that and you'll do some serious damage!

"Well, I guess that WAS before his character was flanderized."
"Oh nothing."

Besides, even considered that he just has little to say most of the time?

"Uh...looks like Trixie beat us to it..." replied Rarity, causing Rainbow Dash's eye to begin twitching.


"Uh..." Spike did several checks. "There are a group of Chaotic Cultists are holding a dark ritual outside."

That works.

Rainbow Dash proceeded to slam her head into the table.

You'll get a concussion.

"That was actually where we got the idea from for the campaign; we loved the two series back when we were kids." Shining Armor confirmed with a smile, happy to see another fellow fan.


"Come on now, sugar-cube. Yer makin' it sound like we can't handle too much action." Applejack brushed off the stallion's warning with a wave of her hooves "Like Pinkie said before, we faced Dark Magic, Monsters and Evil Overlords on a yearly basis. How hardcore could this possibly be compare tah 'em?"

A different kind. You can't just EOH them.

"My rookie pegasus soldier hot-jumps out of the airship!" RD cries out, "Let's go kick some under-worlder flanks!"


Twilight was going over papers and graphs with little study glasses an a pencil behind one ear. "Girls, I've crunched the numbers, and the truth is, we simply can't win. We're technologically, numerically, and logistically inferior to the Chthonians on every front. Combined with the simple reality that BBFFF is naturally better at military tactics than any of us combined with real-life fighting experience, we can't tactically out maneuver them either."

Fair enough.

"I know I had to learn when to fold them when I had Tank's first winter with me, but not this time." Rainbow Dash.

Fair enough.

Rarity gave her most diplomatic smiled. "Rainbow Dash darling. Please understand. We know you have to keep dates and schedules straight in order to manage Ponyville's whether team, you wouldn't still be Weather Team Captain if you weren't good at it. But please, remember when Pinkie Pie forgot her own birthday, our mare who remembers everypony else's birthday without fail?"

Smile and weAther. Proofread this stuff before you put it out. Because I do not want to.

"Dash, you had a winter with Tank already, remember? More than one! Remember the Hearth Warming Eve play in Canterlot? That was AFTER you got Tank! And it certainly wasn't AFTER I became a Princess over a year ago!"

Hm, I get that the episodes aren't in chronological order, but you make a good point.

"And it'll make a great funny story for the development phase when your brother's game becomes super popular!" Pinkie Pie said.


"Yes Pinkie Pie, that is absolute right." Twilight nodded.

AbsoluteLY right.

"Now what would ever make you say that? Now let's get this great and powerful show on the road! Fluttershy . . ."
"Yes Twilight?"
"I'm afraid you're going to have to make some sacrifices in game."

THis should be fun.

"Okay," Shining Armor said politely, "Just don't blame me if whatever crazy scheme born of desperate blows up in your faces."


"Cadence did it with Chrysalis, and they hate each other." Twilight Sparkle pointed out.

Good point.

"Oh my." Fluttershy blushed.


Shining laid his head down and let out a garbled noise.

Poor guy, he's getting Old Man Hendersoned.

Some time later, miles away, Cadence swore she faintly heard her husband say words she didn't want him later saying around their foal she now carried within her.

Cadence is pregnant? Congrats.

Between sobs of misery Shining Armor said, "Y-yes, your transforming mecha breaks through the Chthonian central command chamber as the all out assault of combined Equus and Chthonian troops and machines distract its defenses, and you have a clear shot of the Chthonian Supreme Command Brain."
"Howdy-hoo! I nail that sucker!" Rainbow Dash tossed the dice.
"It dies screaming cursing pony pop stars for ever existing!"

There there.

A broken stallion, Shining Armor whimpered. "The surviving Chthonian happily accept the offer to live in peace with the surface, and hold a concert in honor of Fluttershy, thousands cheer for the end of the war."

Fluttershy just pulled an Old Man Henderson.

Miles upon miles away, Yearling, groaning at her publisher, Random Stable and TPR were asking for a joint venture in making Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny part of their 'Element of Harmony' campaign. She had explicitly used expy of Rainbow and her friends to avoid this mess! She got enough flack from her fans saying she'd dated the story by including them. There was a knock at her door.

Poor Yearling.

"Nope!" said Pinkie brightly. "You're right on time! I thought we'd try a little one-on-one roleplaying..." The pink mare gave him a sultry smile and fanned her face with the dungeon master's screen. "... to get you over your camera shyness!"

You worry me.

"Please don't do anything stupid," whispered Bon Bon.
"I shoot a fireball at the thingys!"

:facehoof: ANd thingIES.

Spike chuckled. "Your character is a dimensional displaced mage, her home world's magic runs on different laws, so all she did was make him angry."


"Applejack, darling, we're playing adventuring merchants in what Twilight calls a 'Ptolemaic universe', where solar systems are encased in giant crystal spheres floating in a substance called phlogiston, where travel between worlds involves sailing through the interplanetary void using magical sail ships." Rarity noted, "It does sound nonsensical, but it is hardly Discord's level of nonsensical. Even Twilight got comfortable and rolled with it after her obligatory astrophysics lecture."

She has a point.

"But this 'ere fella is a giant talkin' HAMSTER!"


"Okay, girls tonight's game is going to be something special." Twilight smiled at her friends. A tray holding several drinks hovered nearby.

Oh dear.

"She wasn't happy, until she read it," Twilight shook herself, looking sleepy. "She says that... showing her evil self as a lonely tyrant ruling over undead ponies and monsters, and tying to make living ponies love her night, as a game villain to be defeated, is for the best." She yawned widely. "Luna doesn't like the 'Evil is Cool' atmosphere Nightmare Moon gets from some ponies..."

I can imagine.

"Oh! That's because Princess Luna agreed to play the game as a collective dream with all of us!"


Applejack said. "Ah'm gonna hug Granny Smith and tell 'her how much Ah love'er when Ah get back."

I think she'll appreciate it.

Rainbow Dash shorted. "Okay I'll play, but if we all end up sprouting tentacles, I wanna be on top."

SNorted. Also, be my guest.

And Discord tore the veils of reality, exposing the squamous cyclopean horror that was Ponythulu as he reached out with his non-Euclidean tentacles and...
Offered the ponies a pot of Earl Gray tea. Behind him a massive cake covered with one hundred and twenty five candles and done in a cat motif bore the legend, HAPPY 125TH BIRTHDAY LOVEY.

Ponythulhu is probably the most polite Eldrtich Abomination I've ever seen.

"Um, so Twilight," Dash said after taking a bite of her cake. "How is this even possible?"
"Just eat the cake," Twilight said softly. "And later we'll try to forget all of this?"

Good idea.

"You know, I never really got into giant robots." Soarin said, taking a bite from his slice of freshly baked apple pie. "Sure, I loved those military sci-fi shows and books when I was a kid, but giant robots that fights monsters or other giant robots? Not so much."

I see.

"They stretch my willing suspension of disbelief past my limit. And that's even before I learn enough military matters to know they make for some very appalling weapon systems." Soarin explained, after swallowing his food with a gulp, "They're so tall they make easy targets that can't be hidden in cover. Robot legs are so complicated it makes the robot slow compare to wheel vehicles, and makes it easy for them to fall over. All the complex machinery to make them work also makes them more expensive and less reliable. And you'll probably need to power it with a potent power plant, which would undoubtedly contaminate the area with magical or radioactive fallout should the robot ever get blown up."

Soarin', you're overthinking it.

"That's different, Fleetfoot." Soarin defended. "I KNOW all the arguments against space fighters amongst the geeks in the Wonderbolts, and they are legit, but there are a few situations and few ways you can still make them work. Hay, they even made a hard science fiction tabletop game based entirely around how you can make them work. Giant robots? You can easily take them out with an artillery barrage, a big explosive mine, or even as simple as wires wrapped around their legs carried by fast-moving pegasi. You'll get more putting cannons and armor on tractors and make tanks, then building giant military robots. I simply can't find a situation for them where they could actually be useful, even for fighting giant monsters."

Megatron disagrees. And considering he's IMMENSELY Evil is Cool and has a canon on one of his arms most of the time, Imma side with the Decepticon.

"One word: Dominance." Spitfire said with a grin. "Many of these giant monsters, like those hydras, quarry eels and astral beasts we face in Equestria, or like those giant monsters in this game we're playing, usually regard ponies with the same regard as we ponies to ants: we're nothing but insects to them. Sure they'll respond to us attacking them when they rampage through our cities, but they'll just swat us aside with utter indifference. They won't care about us, they won't respect us, and they won't be deterred by us or our attempts to stop them from destroying cities."

Fair point.

"Just like two hot-headed stallions fighting over a mare, or who gets the top of the bunk, or the last slice of pizza." Fleetfoot analogize, ignoring Soarin, who merely rolled his eyes and snorted. "One usually backs off when they know they aren't strong enough to win, so winner takes all."

AnaogizeD. But yeah, that's how it usually works.

"A giant robot would be another rival of their calibur to them," Rainbow Dash continued, finally comprehending, "And if the giant robot beats the giant monster and puts it in its place, it'll learn to stay away from its territory, to not provoke it, thereby keeping them away from us!"

Caliber. But she has a point.

"And finally, there's the fact that giant robots are very, VERY cool. I heard even Princess Luna gushed about it when she asked if we had invented robots yet. I think as long as our some of our superiors keep mistaking coolness for effectiveness, giant robots are still going to get their funding." Spitfire finishes. Seeing Soarin nodding in understanding, she turn her attention back to the table. "Now come on, then, back to our game of Kaiju Armageddon! The city of Oat-saka isn't going to destroy itself in your three-way monster battle of dominance!"

YES. Robots are cool, the best argument ever. But cool isn't always effective, for example, if given the choice between a rifle, a bazooka and a chainsaw to deal with zombies, I'll take the rifle, because the bazooka's too heavy and has a lot of recoil, and the chainsaw is not meant to be used as a weapon.

Cadence smirked at the campaign book. "You want me to use my Alicorn magic to shapeshift into a hot giant alien?"

Can you blame him?

The Princess of Love put a hoof over her husband's muzzle before he could apologize again. "I like it! Orion slave mare and Prench maid were getting kind of old."

... Kinky.

"La la la!" sang Twilight Sparkle, sitting at the gaming table three feet away. "Not listening! Go talk about that stuff in your own castle!"

Cadence, you're traumatizing your sister-in-law.

'What's this?" Sweetie Belle asked, "Rise of the Caribou..."
It was yanked out of her grasp by Twilight's magic. "You're not old enough to play that. We're not old enough to play that, in fact Princess Celestia isn't old enough to play that." It was quickly stuffed in a trash can.

If it's what I think it is, agreed.

"So, they think the reason it didn't work the first time you tried them on DIscord was because you were discorded, not because I was there instead of Rainbow Dash," Spike said.


"And I thought darling it had to do with Discord using his to break our FRIENDSHIP... I thought Spikey-Wickey didn't work because we didn't care about each other at the time. I'd say Spike fits the definition loyalty quite well."


Behind the Dungeon Master Screen, Pinkie Pie said, "The nearest Grump scowls disapprovingly at your Twilight, you take 14 points of unhappiness, reducing your happiness points to 43."
With an odd look of innocence in her eyes, Twilight cheered. "I counter-attack with a BIIIIG hug!" She rolled the dice. "Critical!"
"Whoa! You reduce the Grump's Unhappiness Points to Zero, and he becomes your friend."
"Yippie! We'll get the rainbow berries to princess Rarity no problem!"
Spike looked at the cover of the game book again. The title was Crystals and Rainbows Generation 3.5 It depicted a blue and rather pose and proper version of himself, along with a pink and rainbow haired filly version of Rarity on the cover.



Spike noted a little text on the inside of the book that read. Will be your dearest friend even through reboots --love, Minty.


"Oh, no, it isn't! I've heard of this one." Scootaloo said, "The 'Ani' in Animania doesn't stand for 'Animals' - it stands for 'Animation'. In this game, you get to play as a cartoon character, who could be a cartoon animal, going about in slapstick adventures like you would find in a cartoon world."

THis should be good.

"Not me; never really got into cartoons. At least, not the loony kind; mine's more the animated superheroes kind, like the Power Ponies." Babs Seed said as she went through the manual.


"Well, Applebloom, it looks like this game is going to get very weird, very fast." Babs Seed quipped to Applebloom as Pinkie Pie rambled on.

Oh yeah.

If any of them had looked out of Twilight's second floor crystal window, they would have seen strange mechanical invaders roll across Ponyville's main square... then rapidly retreat from a squad of angry ponies. Big Mac bucked one so hard, its rotating top fell right off. Vinyl Scratch and Octavia rode a giant synthesizer console into battle, their harmony and pounding wubs causing enemy robots to spin in confusion and explode.


"How can you fly a balloon on the Moon?" Twilight asked, feeling her grip on reality fading.
"Easy-peasy, Twi," Pinkie said. "They just hold their breath, duh."
Twilight went to the window and hung her head out with a groan. Outside, a new, evil faction horde of sapient apples that had tried to invade the town was being finished off by hundreds of very hungry ponies. Their desperate please buried under the crunching jaws of hungry equines.

Wat. Also, pleas.

Discord popped in. "Oooh, a game that can drive Twilight Sparkle crazy? I'm in!"
Sweetie asked, "But Discord, I thought you were DONE with being evil... again." The fillies had not forgotten how their friend had turned evil on all of Equestria, only turning back when betrayed by Tirek.
"I am! I am! I mean 'crazy' as entertainingly irritated! I swear!" Discord waved his limbs frantically. "I swear I'll be the best Animator at this game imaginable!"
"I think they're rather this toon game NOT turning a LARP Discord." Twilight said.


Discord folded his mismatched arms. "Hmm... sorely tempted... but no." He swooped over to the next filly. "Next, Sweetie Belle has an uncanny mastery of dark magic for her tender age, and a cutie mark that allows her to start Heart Songs at will..." Sweetie's eyes grew wider and wider. "AND, a cute otherworldly familiar who alters reality at her whim!"


Immediately, a huge anvil fell and squashed Discord flat. Then a second Discord, the one native to this universe, appeared in a flash. "Spoilers, sweetie."


"I said fine! Apple Bloom, you have a magic eye that functions as both a permanent True Seeing, and Aura Sight, and Detect Lie... but it's also slowly turning you into a Nightmare."

Well then.


I though Bazookas had zero recoil, it's the backwash that'll get you killed if you try to figure it with your back to the wall.


BTW: Minty made an IDW cameo recently. And, http://mylittlewiki.org/wiki/G4_Minty She got made into a G4 toy.


Whateever the case, I'd rather stick to a weapon I know I can use.


Thanks for the play by play.

Nice Flight of Dragons/The Dragon and the George reference in there. A shame it didn't work in Twilight's favor.

Also, really Shiny? You didn't account for your sister to completely turn your game on its head? Kudos to the Mane 6 for turning X-com into Macross.

sweet more zanny antics

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