Session 43
Session 43.0 Alex Warlorn and Mtangalion
As chief programmer Discord said all this to the audience of Crystal Con to see the next expansion of World of Horsecraft, none were expecting the diamond digger trio from Canterlot High to burst in roaring.
"YOU STEAL DESIGN! WE SUBMIT DIAMOND DOGS TO COMPANY! YOU CHANGE THEM TO DIAMOND WOLVES! THIEF!"
From her stand point, vice company president Chrysalis made a slight motion with her head and security drags the three teenage boys off in an instant.
Later, at one of the technical Q&A panels...
The next guy in line approached the microphone and awkwardly fumbled with his note card. "Um, hello! I'm Cinnamon Jam with the Pwning Ponies guild on the Kindness server..."
"Nobody cares!" screeched Adagio, somewhere back in the crowd.
"... and my question is, why didn't you just make the Diamond Dogs playable, since they were already in the game?"
Discord stroked his goatee. "Diamond Wolves sounded cooler to the play testers? It certainly wasn't any issue of copyright or lack thereof! But seriously... you know, I've never liked that word. Where was I? Besides that, the technical team also had difficulties with adding Diamond Dogs as a playable race, with their varying body types and them being partly bipedal. We eventually settled on creating quadrupedal cousins of the Diamond Dogs who were more fierce and less comedic, and conveniently for the story, already living in the north.
Still we're quite proud of the incremental improvements we've been able to make for the new expansion! Diamond Wolves and griffons are now able to have more animations with independently posable talons and toes, unlike the original models, which had the same number of animation control points for a pony hoof or a griffon paw. Yes, griffons can now flip you the bird. Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all weekend."
-
Discord, spirit of chaos, watched this on his washing machine.
"Heh, they end up making Diamond Wolves, for logical, pragmatic human world reasons, and wound up closely resembling Equestrian Diamond Wolves anyway somehow. Heh, makes you wonder which one is 'real' and which one is the copycat!"
Session 43.1 Mooncalf99 (WELCOME BACK!)
"...So if the group enters from the western wall windows, we go with having archers placed here and here," Twilight explained, pointing out the locations on her map. "If they force their way in through the northern gate, have dreadnought knights in a line and back them up with battlemages. And if they try an airborne entry, have a flight of wyverns in the observatory tower who will intercept."
"Air fights are pretty cool," Spike agreed. "Okay, I think we've covered everything. But, hey. What if they don't find the red quill at the ransacked office and try to go somewhere else?"
Twilight thought for a moment, before shrugging. "Eh, wing it. It's okay to improvise. The only thing we must never do is--"
"Freaking flying feathering stratocumuli!"
Twilight's head snapped up from the map and she stared at Spike, but he looked just as baffled as she felt. "Did… somepony swear a lot?"
"It came from downstairs," Spike said. "Sounded like Rainbow Dash…"
Curiosity piqued, the duo headed for the stairs. Sure enough, Rainbow Dash was in the Cutie Map room… glaring at Trixie, who was grinning back at her with her usual infuriatingly smug and superior mien. A set of four cards lay on the table between them. Also seated at the table were Applejack and Starlight, the latter of whom were taking notes on a piece of parchment.
"What's going on here?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, hey, Twilight," Starlight said. "Trixie's demonstrating a game she learned."
"Cheating, that's what she's doing," Rainbow muttered.
"Trixie is doing nothing of the sort!" Trixie replied, doing her best to look exceedingly hurt by the accusation. "Rainbow Dash is just prone to losing, is all."
"Like you don't cheat anytime you can," Spike retorted.
Trixie snorted in annoyance. "Only when there's a challenge to it. Or when it's interesting. Or when I have to teach a lesson to an inattentive student." She raised an eyebrow, and Spike shrank back in guilt. "But right now? Not necessary. And I've said I won't try anything, so I won't. Applejack can vouch for me."
"'S true," Applejack said. "We got an arrangement, remember?"
"Okay…" Twilight said, deciding to drop the subject. She wasn't sure how Applejack had worked out that arrangement, but she trusted her friend. "Okay, I'll bite. What's the game?"
"Trixie is glad you asked!" Trixie grinned at Rainbow Dash. "Another go?"
"Bring it," Rainbow seethed.
"Right. So. Four cards. Aces of Sun, Moon, Love, and Friendship." Trixie held up the cards to show their faces. She then placed them face down and shuffled them. "Two black, two red. Player draws two at random, and if the color match, they win!"
Rainbow Dash snatched up two of the cards… showing Sun and Love. "Argh!"
"Another loss," Starlight lamented, making a mark on her parchment.
"And you've lost every time?" Twilight asked.
"No, just… most of the time," Rainbow admitted. "But way more often than what's fair!"
"Okay?" Twilight said.
"I'm not stupid, you know," the young athlete said defensively. "It's basic math. Either you get red and red, or black and black, or red and black, or black and red. Right? So you got fifty-fifty. But I lose way more often than that!"
"Really? How many games have you played?" Spike asked.
"Eighty-three times," Starlight said wearily. "Can we do something else? This is getting boring."
"Not until Trixie stops cheating!" Rainbow said angrily.
"I told you--" Trixie began.
"Actually, I think I have it figured out," Twilight interrupted. "Do you mind?"
"This should be good," Trixie mused, shuffling the cards and presenting them. "Go on - show Trixie what you've got."
"I don't think I need to actually play, but fine." Twilight picked up one card, showing the Ace of Friendship. "Oh, look, it's my card. But the first draw doesn't really matter, does it?"
"Eh? What do you mean, Twilight?" Spike asked. "Of course it matters. You only get to do two things here, after all."
"Yes, but does it really matter if I win on red or black? All the first draw does is decide which color the next draw needs to be in order to score a win." Twilight drew the second card. "Moon, I lose. As expected."
"You said you had it figured out," Rainbow said.
"Yes, well, I didn't say I could guarantee a victory," Twilight said with a knowing smile at Trixie. "Another round, please."
"Of course," Trixie said, shuffling the cards again. "It's always fun to watch that big brain of yours in action."
"I thought magicians didn't like when the audience tried to figure out how their tricks work?" Twilight observed.
"Not unless the trick is set up to be worked out," Trixie replied. "Now pick a card. Which you think is meaningless, apparently?"
"No, not the card - just the color." Twilight turned over the Ace of Sun. "It just defines the rest of the game."
"Setting the stage, so to speak?" Starlight suggested.
"Ooh, Trixie likes that simile," Trixie cooed. "So what will you draw next, oh great and brainy Twilight?"
"I'll draw… one of these three," Twilight said, picking up the remaining cards in her magic, but refraining from turning them over. "And that's the real challenge here. I have to pick the card that matches the one I drew first. Buuuut…"
Silence descended before an exasperated Rainbow Dash spat out, "But what?!"
"Well… what do I have to choose from, really?" Twilight said. She turned over all three cards. "I drew a black card, so there's only one other black card to pick from. But there's two red ones." She returned the Sun to the cards and took away Love. "And if I had drawn a red card to begin with, there'd be only one red left, but two black ones. Either way, that's less than fifty-fifty. More like, oh…"
"Thirty-three sixty-six and fractions," Applejack helpfully interjected.
"Wait… what the…" Rainbow mumbled. "You're saying…"
"Trixie isn't cheating you," Twilight explained. "It's just the game that's inherently unfair."
Rainbow's face hit the table. "Seriously?!"
"Applause is in order!" Trixie said, clopping her hooves earnestly. Starlight joined in. "Splendid deduction, really. I expected you to look at Starlight's statistics first, but you worked it out all on your own."
"Thirty-two victories, fifty-one losses," Starlight added, showing her parchment. "That's actually a bit better than average."
"Still within acceptable deviation from tha norm," Applejack said. "After that, it was jus' fillin' in the blanks."
"Wait." Rainbow raised her head and stared at the farmer pony. "You knew?"
"Uh…" Applejack began.
"You figured it out already and didn't tell me?!" Rainbow Dash stood up, putting her forehooves on the table. "Freaking seriously?!"
"Hey, Trixie and Starlight didn't tell you either!" Applejack protested.
"Trixie was the one challenging me! And Starlight was obviously in cahoots with her! But you?" Rainbow swallowed hard. "Eighty rounds of that stupid game! And you didn't tell me?!"
"Well, yeah…" Applejack glanced at the door. "Oh, hey, I think Granny's callin' fer me. Got a lot o' fieldwork ta do. Gotta go, bye!" And with that, she took off.
"Oh, we are not done yet!" Rainbow Dash flew after her. "YOU COME BACK HERE, YOU--"
The remaining three ponies and dragon looked at each other. "Yeesh. Sore loser much?" Starlight said.
"Well, Trixie's bored now," Trixie muttered. "Who's up for poker?"
"No gambling for Spike until he's old enough," Twilight said. "But I could use some help stress-testing a few encounters for balance, if you're up for it. All the cheese and trickery you can come up with…"
Session 43.2 Mtangalion
Back in the Friendship Castle's "Interdimensional Gaming Room," one of the computers chimed and opened a video chat window, displacing the live stream coverage of CrystalCon. "Hey there, girls," said the human version of Princess Twilight. Her image was distorted by the cell phone camera, low lighting in the convention hall, and artifacts from broadcasting the stream through the magical portal into Equestria.
Rainbow Dash covered her mouth with a hoof, trying not to snicker.
Beside her, Starlight Glimmer sighed. "Really, Dash? Can't you just accept humans for what they are? You wouldn't laugh at a minotaur for looking like a minotaur, or a breezie for looking like..."
Dash shrugged her wings. "Hey, can I help it if humans look totally ridiculous?"
Princess Twilight smirked. "Oh, they do, do they?" The video jumped around as she passed the cell phone to someone else.
"Hey there, ponies!" The video righted itself, now showing the face of the human Rainbow Dash... and now she was the one struggling to hold her laughter in. "Omigosh! I forgot how... heehee... cute the pony version of me was! Bwaha!"
Rainbow Dash leapt to her hooves, feathers bristling. "Hey! I am not cute!"
Princess Twilight took the cell phone back. "We're getting off topic. Starlight, is Trixie around? They were just showing us some concept sketches at the Art and Design panel, and... as strange as this is going to sound, I need Trixie's advice. Hang on, I'll 'e-mail' the picture to you. Now how did this work again..."
While Twilight fiddled with the phone, Starlight was shaking her head. "It still seems unfair. Why should we ... and a bunch of yaks... have exclusive access to these devices? Computers could benefit everyone in Equestria and beyond. For that matter, what right do we have, borrowing all of this technology from the human world without providing them magical knowledge in a fair and equal exchange?"
Meanwhile, Trixie had put her game on a different PC on pause and trotted over. "If you have any new ideas for purchasing thousands of human computers and smuggling them over here, or opening diplomatic relations with the human governments without starting a war, I'm certain that Twilight would be happy to hear them." She nosed her friend. "Making things fair takes time, sometimes."
Starlight pouted. "But..."
"Besides, Trixie hasn't seen you lamenting that not every unicorn in the land can control minds, teleport, and fly without wings." She wrapped herself in a magical glow and floated off the crystal floor, looking smug.
"Hmph!" Starlight used her own magic to nudge a thick book off a table behind Trixie, and the distraction of it smacking the floor popped Trixie's flight field like a soap bubble. "You're still nowhere near ready to fly like I do." She smiled. "And yes, I suppose I see your point."
"Finally!" said Twilight's voice, as the computer chimed again. Starlight worked the mouse with her magic, double-clicking on an email attachment to open a picture of... some kind of bear, with a black body, white face and belly, and large black markings around the eyes, which made it look oddly cute for a bear. There was a sketch of a pony, too, for reference... the peculiar bear was larger than a stallion, but not as large as, say, Fluttershy's pet Harry. "Trixie, is that what I think it is?"
"That really takes me back," mused Trixie. "Yes, that's a panda."
Rainbow stared at the screen. "That's a real animal? Like, in Equestria? I bet Fluttershy would love to have one of those for a pet."
Trixie grimaced. "They aren't animals, Dash. Trixie met a traveling panda in Chineigh, once. They like brewing and cooking, they're never in a hurry, and most of them live on the back of a giant turtle who swims in the South Chineigh Sea, where only pandas are permitted to go."
Dash looked at her expectantly.
"No, there's no punchline," said the showmare. "Some things, even Trixie cannot make up. I always wished I could have found out more about that game we played. It had tiles like Mahjong, but with different symbols, and the objective was for both players to cooperate and win the game together." She blinked. "Twilight, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Pandas are appearing in World of Horsecraft, therefore we will encounter them here?"
Twilight fuzzy image grinned. "I already know that we're going to meet them. They've sent an ambassador, but... he's traveling by hot air balloon from the other side of the world, so it could take months. Or years. Like you said, never in a hurry."
Session 43.3 Mtangalion
Starlight Glimmer shuffled her way down the halls of Twilight's Friendship Castle, wearing a bathrobe, levitating a cup of coffee, and yawning profusely. She passed by the Map Room, glancing inside briefly, then moved on.
A spit-take was heard, and she came rushing right back again. The Cutie Map was active, with two cutie marks spiraling... "Where? When?"
Spike yelped, hopping in place and hiding his claws behind his back. He'd been standing on the other end of the map. "Starlight! Uh, good morning!"
Starlight blinked. "Were you playing Dragonzilla in Manehatten just now?"
"No!" Spike gave the miniature crystal skyscrapers around him a shifty glance. "Er, maybe? Just a little?"
Starlight smiled. "I suppose it's good that you're not still wracked with crippling guilt over... that whole thing." She leaned closer to the map, furrowing her brow. "So, Applejack and... one of the Crusaders? I honestly haven't paid enough attention to know which of their marks is which."
Spike grinned hugely. "What, you're not afraid that Twilight will give you a *pop quiz*?" When Starlight showed signs of actual panic, he quickly added, "It's Apple Bloom's. They already left an hour ago."
"But... How is there a friendship emergency at Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Beats me!" Spike shrugged. "Heh, you should have seen Applejack. 'Sweet Apple Acres! Ah was just *there*. This had better not be about Big Mac and that dang doll.'"
Starlight had started pacing. "Should I call Twilight back from CrystalCon? It's probably nothing... but it might be important. But what if Twilight thinks I can't handle things like this on my own? But that's silly, I just saved Equestria from Chrysalis so she knows I can handle things on my own, but what if..."
Spike cleared his throat and thrust a checklist at her.
Starlight hesitated, and began to read it aloud. "So you're starting to freak out. Step one: Stop it. Step two: Take a deep breath. Step three: Don't try to immediately fix everything with magic. Step four... Spike, did Twilight make this for me?"
Spike chuckled. "I made that for Twilight before we met you, actually. You two are so much alike, it scares me sometimes."
Starlight took a deep breath. "Right... I'll just go check up on Applejack and Apple Blossom."
"Bloom."
"I knew that!" Starlight teleported, sending the coffee cup to the kitchen sink and leaving the bathrobe behind to crumple to the floor...
... and found herself in a barn, near Applejack and Apple Bloom and... Prince Rutherford? With three other yaks dressed as guards who were reacting to the surprise intrusion by reaching for their battleaxes!?
Apple Bloom glanced over her shoulder and grinned innocently. "Howdy there, Starlight! Me and Applejack just built a computer for the prince, and he's gonna try it out!"
The guards hesitated, then relaxed.
Starlight stared. "Wait a moment... are you saying... you used your earth pony construction skills, and that Apple math to understand what's in those books, and you actually *built a computer*?" Her awed expression almost could have lifted her off the ground without any magic. "And my dream of computers for everyone could actually be realized?"
Applejack winced. "Well, that's what Prince Rutherford asked us to do at first, but... we had to compromise. C'mere, sugarcube, have a look."
Prince Rutherford had an actual human-built laptop on the workbench, and next to it was... a 'computer' built out of wood and nails, with the face of a pointing and laughing yak painted on the 'monitor.' It looked like something foals would build for a school play.
"W-What?" Starlight's face fell, twitching.
"We'll try it out!" declared Prince Rutherford. He leveled a hoof at the real computer. "Stupid machine! Why you take so long to load Horsecraft game, and then get crashy blue screen!? Me tired of you letting other stupid players mine my ore, that I totally saw first! We could have killed raid boss if stupid machine didn't lag! Yaks furious!" He pawed at the ground, snorting steam. "Yaks destroy!" He slammed his hooves down on the fake computer, turning it to wood scraps, then sawdust, and leaving the real computer unharmed.
The big yak laughed. "Me feel better now!" Rutherford hoofbumped with Applejack, nearly bowling her over. "Yaks can smash houses and build new, smash stadium and build new, but yaks couldn't build com-pu-ter, and Flim Flam ponies want too much for buying new. You save yaks from smashing all yak computers and having none. Apple ponies are great friends of yaks forever!"
Apple Bloom and Applejack's cutie marks started doing the "mission complete" shimmer. "Woohoo" cried Apple Bloom, prancing and spinning. "Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are gonna be so jealous!"
"Do yaks like apples?" asked AJ hesitantly. "Ya know, the eating kind?"
"I'm going back to bed," muttered Starlight.
Session 43.4 MagicMan001
"... Then he said "fine", and that's the story of how I met your grandfather."
Imago giggled weakly, "Grandpa sounds like a jerk."
"Yeah..." Blackrose sighed, her wistful gaze drifting toward the castle window. It was a gorgeous summer's day outside, not so much as a wisp of cloud in the hive skyline. The sunlight pouring into the room basked both of them in a warm glow as they lay peacefully on the sofa.
Music was in the air in Hive Avalon. A distinctly changeling tune - vibrant, bombastic, passionate. An assortment of strings and brass which was instantly recognizable to a perked-up Imago.
"It's the band..." She lifted her head from her grandmother's burnt yellow barrel and smiled up at her, excitement glistening in her eyes. "Can I go watch, Grandma? Canicanicani?"
Blackrose's heart wanted her so much to say 'yes' and take Imago straight outside to see the musicians on her withers. The little one discovered her love of music here in Avalon, birth of many of changelingkind's greatest singers and composers. Her mother sent her and later her siblings here twice a year so they could see their beloved "Grandmama" apart from the infamous 'Royal Family Reunions'.
It had to have started the day Imago witnessed the mariachi band performing at the train station where her royal carriage pulled up. It was her fourth, maybe fifth visit to Avalon. Seeing her granddaughter cheering and clap her hooves together, being genuinely happy, melted the Empress' heart.
Blackrose did everything she could to nurture her granddaughter's newfound hobby. On her fifth birthday, she gifted her with her first guitar. Not just any guitar, one that would magically change type with a turn of a dial. Of course, Chrysalis did not approve. Such pursuits were, in her own words, for "ponies and changelings who were dropped as eggs."
Sometimes Blackrose wanted to smack that mare upside the head.
"No, Maggie, Sweetie. It's nap time," she sighed, stroking the fringe of Imago's mane. Long and prickly just like it always was, like a big, adorable porcupine.
The way her hopeful smile crumbled broke Blackrose's heart.
"It's always nap time," she sniffled. "Momma never lets me go out and play either." She miserably sunk face-first back into the comfort of her hefty barrel. "It's no fair."
"Aw, baby..."
It wasn't fair. A young nymph her age should be playing outside, exploring the world every opportunity they got. To keep them cooped up like this was cruel, but for Imago, it was done only for her own welfare.
She hatched early into this world. She was such a wee thing. So frail, so fragile. At only five-years-old, wrapped up in her knitted sweater, Imago felt so light on top of her immense bulk. They had all feared she wouldn't make it to nymphhood, but Blackrose never doubted, not for one second.
That wasn't the worst part; the poor thing was also prone to sickness. Back home, she'd just got over a ghastly virus before she was sent down here. Chrysalis strictly forbade Blackrose from letting Imago outside too much in Avalon, especially during the summer when disease ran rampant. Theirs were not the cleanest or most hygienic people, after all.
Getting an idea, Blackrose smiled. She gathered Imago up in her forelegs and cradled her like a newborn. Gently rocking her back and forth, she began to lull her to sleep, singing for her her favourite,
Let's go in the garden
You'll find something waiting
Imago, overcome with drowsiness, yawned and snuggled her grandma's tusk. She quietly joined in, with a little smile emerging on her muzzle,
Right there where you left it
Lying upside down
When you finally find it
You'll see how it's faded
The underside is lighter
When you turn it around
Everything stays
Right where you left it
Eleven-year-old Imago stopped strumming the chords on her beloved guitar for a moment, savouring the eerie ambiance of her surroundings.
Her new bedroom wasn't exactly an upgrade from her old one back in the Hive. For an ancient, moss and rat-infested ruin, she could have been cut a far worse deal. She was provided with the comforts of a soft bed and a vanity, and the remnants of the rat colony that had survived her little brother's hunger-induced genocide were given refuge here. Imago always wanted pets.
Taking a drink from the mug of squeezed beetle juice on her bedside table, she picked up her somber rendition where she left off.
Everything stays
But it still changes--
BANG! BANG!
"IMAGO! CUT THAT CRAP OUT!"
Imago cringed and her song came to an unceremonious halt. She heaved a defeated sigh, slowly crumbling onto her lumpy pink below, careful not to touch or agitate the bandage applied firmly over her left ear. Faint splotches of green were visible in the soft white fabric.
The pain was still fresh. A constant, pulsating ache on the side of her skull. Everytime she closed her eyes, she could feel her mother's teeth piercing the tender flesh with the effortlessness of a knife through tissue paper. Chomping, tearing, ripping...
'Oh, enough of your blubbering!' her words rang clear in her head after the deed was done. 'Now all the other nymphs are gonna think you look cool! Don't you want everypony to think you're cool?"
'...Yes...'
'You're welcome then.'
She groggily opened one eye to look at the black and fuschia guitar tucked protectively under her leg. Her very last possession from her old life. Everything else she'd lost in her tangle with that imp freak (at least Mother made sure to her. This Imago could not live with herself if she lost it.
A large ice cube dropped in her belly. She flipped it over so she could read the golden engraving along the back of its neck.
Always play from the heart
♥ Grandmama
Imago could sense the fresh onslaught of tears already incoming. No. No more crying. A deep growl rattled her vocal cords and she successfully fought them back.
She yanked the tartan covers up to her neck and re-buried her face in the misshapen pillow. Never again, she decided then and there, would she allow herself to cry. Ponies cried. Hatchlings cried. Weaklings. And Imago was sick of feeling like a weakling.
Starting tomorrow, Mother promised the next phase of her training would begin. She would teach Imago how to pulverize this weakness that existed within her from birth. Once she mastered that, then could she untap her true potential. Once she untapped her true potential, then and only then would she take her place in the mighty line of Avalons.
Her hoof brushed over the bandage covering her ear. One thought ran on repeat before she fell asleep.
'And when I do, Mother, I'll make sure to return the favor.'
Session 43.5 Mtangalion and Ardashir
Queen Chrysalis was hunched over her computer, somehow still working and still recieving a link to the human world's Horsecraft Online website, including a live-stream of Crystal-Con.
She also saw the game previews... with a video game version of herself...
"Sombra's flunky, and she's still better off than me... Why can't I play myself? Backstab them all now, you fool! This is your chance! How dare they?! Locust, how many of my evil lawyers remained loyal?"
"Er... All of them, Your Majesty."
Session 43.6 Mtangalion and Ardashir
Pony!Dash said, "Pandas, awesome. Can we get back to how cute I'm not?"
"Are!"
"Not!"
"You so are!"
"Not not not!"
Even worse was to come when the Mane Six see some of the more, ahem, 'risque' fan art of World of Horsecraft.
"Wow, Sunset, that's fan art over there? Of us? Hey, can we get a closer look?"
Sunset blanched. Beside her 'their' Twilight wildly waved her hands 'No' at them.
"SWEET CELESTIA'S FLANK NO!" Sunset smiled weakly at several other congoers who gave her wondering looks. "I mean, heh, it's not all that great -- hey!"
Pinkie Pie grinned as the view through the laptop changed to a collection of WoH fan art. "Okay, now we can see what the humans think of when they... look at ... us?"
Five horrified equines yelled in unison.
"The buck?!? How do they expect me to fly with those things on my chest?"
"How th' hay do they expect me ta stand UP with them? Ah'd need a spine made o' cast iron!"
"Hee-hee!" Pinkie laughed. "They don't know anything about anatomy! Those are near the rear legs, not the front legs!"
"Find what?" An aghast Rarity said, staring in horror at a unicorn like her but colored lime green and hot pink. "It can't be worse than this abomination."
Pinkie helpfully pointed at what she'd seen. Rarity looked. Her eyes widened. Her pupils went to pinpricks. She turned and began walking to the door.
"I'll be back, dears," she said as she left. "I just need to find somepony, anypony, with mind magic so they can strip that image from the memory forever!"
Fluttershy said nothing. She simply seemed to be turning brick red in complexion.
"So, how are they taking it?" They heard Adagio cheerily call from the other end of the connection. "Badly, I hope."
-
Celestia shouted, "No, Lulu! We are not declaring war on the humans over this... questionable artwork." *blush*
Discord popped in at the worst possible moment, of course. "In the interests of peace, we should reenact these delightfully depraved scenes right away! Then they won't be slander any more! It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
Luna roared. "Perverted fiend! We shall lop thy head off from thy shoulders and sacrifice it to..."
"Luna!" Celestia admonished.
Session 43.7 Mooncalf99
"I am so glad you agreed to join us for tonight's game, Shining," Prince Blueblood exclaimed cheerfully. "I've been hoping to make it up to you for letting me join in your game earlier with your friends."
"Oh, hey, how could I resist?" Shining Armor said half-heartedly. How could he resist, indeed. Cadence had insisted he went along, making it crystal clear that he owed his fellow prince after his friends had tried to humiliate him at their game. (Even though they failed miserably.) And it wasn't that bad, really; Blueblood had shown that, despite everything, he did have his heart in the right place, at least when it counted.
On the other hoof, he was still Blueblood.
"So what're we going to play?" Shining asked as he continued climbing the staircase. True, for a pony who lived in King Sombra's old castle (nicknamed "Stairtarus" by the waitstaff), ten floors were no challenge at all, but he didn't quite get why they had to gather at the very top of Blueblood's estate. Given that every room the blonde Prince had shown off was full of souvenirs and knickknacks, maybe he'd run out of space anywhere else. "Ogres and Oubliettes? Equine Squad Leader? Some esoteric game you've picked up on a trip that I've never heard of before?"
"Oh, just a few rounds of cards," Blueblood said offhoofedly as they finally reached the top floor. He opened the door and gestured for Shining to enter. "I'm sure you'll get along with the others. Hello, all!"
"Others?" Shining said in confusion. He looked around the room. Fairly austere if homely, with not nearly as many useless decorations to take up space. The center of the room was occupied by a large round table, with several creatures seated, including...
"Hello again, Shining Armor," the azure unicorn said.
...Trixie Lulamoon. He surpressed a shiver. "Hello, Trixie." So much for just a friendly game. He had personal experience of her playing style, not to mention several second-hoof accounts from his sister. The mare redefined the term 'playing dirty' and could be frighteningly cunning, to say nothing of her propensity for mind games. Victories against Trixie were hard-earned, to say the least. Frankly, he wasn't surprised to see her in Blueblood's company; like seeks like, and disregarding their different stations, the two ponies could easily have been brother and sister. (He pointedly refused to even think about any alternative interpretations.)
On the other hoof, she had taken a major part in saving him and everypony he held dear from a fate worse than death at the pock-marked hooves of the changelings, so perhaps he could, as Rainbow Dash would say, cut her some slack.
Speaking of changelings, one was seated at the table as well. Not Thorax - he could tell at a glance, if only because the King was markedly taller than his subjects - but a dignified and colorful individual, in contrast to the insectoid members of Chrysalis' dwindling excuse for a swarm. He couldn't tell if it was male or female, although he'd come to understand that for them, such things were more a matter of preference than specific biology. And next to them sat a hulking yak, a young brown dragon with a pink mane (since when did dragons have those?), and two almost-identical unicorn stallions.
"I gather you're already acquainted with Miss Lulamoon," Blueblood said, seating himself at a free spot. He raised a hoof and accepted a wine glass from his valet, Sleeves, who seemed to materialize for the exact purpose before fading away again in an almost Pinkie-like manner. "And our other players. Spinnerette of King Thorax's court."
"It's a pleasure to meet you like this, sir," the changeling said cordially. "Our new way of life has been good to my family, and we have so much of it to thank ponykind for."
"Uh, thanks," Shining said. The feeling of gratitude and appreciation emanating from Spinnerette was almost tangible, and it made him warm and a little woozy. Is this what it feels like when they share love? No wonder they changed so much!
"And this is Stonebreaker Yakovlev of Yakyakistan," Blueblood continued.
The yak eyed Shining suspiciously. "Yak has met ill-mannered pony prince before." He didn't bother explaining further, only glowering from under his helmet.
"And Mina the Dragoness, Fillydelphian business owner and hatchling of the Honah-Lee brood," Blueblood continued, gesturing towards the dragon this time.
"Hey, cool meeting you!" the Pinkie-maned dragon said, leaping out of her seat so she could shake his hoof vigorously. He hadn't even offered it to her before she grabbed it with both claws. "So, hey. How did it feel to be the 'Distressed Dude' and have to get rescued again? You're stallion enough to not care about that, right? 'Course you are, you're cool like that. Spike's said so, so it's gotta be true."
"I... haven't thought much about it?" Shining said uncertainly. He wasn't quite sure, but he felt as though the girl was casting some under-hoofed aspersions on his masculinity. "We were all taken by surprise and knocked out. I and the girls and the princesses," he added pointedly.
"And last but not least, Misters Flim and Flam, traveling salesponies non-pareil," Blueblood finished.
"Ah, the good crystal prince,"Flim said smoothly. "An honor to meet you, I'm sure."
"It is, it definitely is," Flam agreed silkily. "An honor and a pleasure."
Discord's cloven hoof, there's four of them, Shining thought in dread. "Wait a second... haven't I seen you two before?"
"Ah, no doubt at one or other of our many exciting and perfectly legal business ventures, where discerning and intelligent stallions are sure to find many rewarding opportunities that aren't of duplicitous nature," Flim said quickly.
"Or perhaps our various entertainment installations to be found across the land, all of which are family-friendly and welcome to all ages, and certainly not locales for questionable activities or illicit goings-on," Flam suggested.
"Yes, that must be it," Flim agreed. "After all, what pony - prince or pauper - could possibly resist fun and wholesome and absolutely not criminal entertainment for the whole family? Did we mention that we're offering a 15% discount for royalty this week only?"
"I don't think we did, brother!" Flam said. "And of course, a whooping 30% off of all toys for children. After all, what kind of father would deny his child all the top-quality, Equestrian hoof-made, flame-retardant, educational toys that he could possibly get her? Certainly not one I'd look in the eye, no siree."
"All right, boys, you've had your fun for now," Trixie said, rolling her eyes. "Make a little room for Mister Shiney Hiney, why don't you?"
"So... what are we going to play?" Shining asked, taking his seat. He was definitely feeling overwhelmed right now. He just hoped it wouldn't be some kind of snooty upper-class card game like Bridge or... well, he didn't really know any other snooty upper-class card games, because he didn't play them. At the very least, it had to be something he knew how to play.
"Oh, I think you'll enjoy this," Blueblood said. He accepted a thick deck of cards and presented it to Shining. "Care to shuffle?"
Shining stared at the back of the topmost card. "'Fluxx'? That's what we're playing?"
"Trixie guesses you're familiar with the game?" Trixie asked.
Shining laughed, relief pouring over him. "Oh, me and the guys have played this hundreds of times! It's the original version, right? No expansions? I know these cards like the back of my hoof."
"Good, good," the yak rumbled. "Game fair then. Would be not-perfect victory against opponent who don't know rules."
"Yeah, it's no fun if it's too easy," Mina agreed.
Shining suddenly felt less confident. Of course, they probably know how to play Fluxx too. I can't afford to make assumptions here. Still, given how unpredictable these cards can be, there's a limit to how many tricks they could get away with. Hay, I bet Trixie can't count cards as well as Twily used to do. Those twins, though... He shuffled the deck thoroughly before dealing to everypony... er, everyone. Eh, let's just have fun for now. And here I thought Bluey would try to get the better of me with some weird game... "Who starts?"
"Oh, you go ahead this time," Blueblood said. "Unless there are objections?"
With none, Shining Armor placed down the starting 'Draw One, Play One' card and drew a card. "Okay, I play 'Play Three', so I get to play two more. Then I play the Goal 'Princess of the Sun' and put down the Keeper 'Princess'. I'm done." He sat back feeling accomplished. Sure, they'd change the Goal as soon as possible, but it was still a strong opening--
"Trixie plays 'Sun', and then 'Steal a Keeper'," Trixie announced. "Oh, look, there's just one other on the table." She snatched up the 'Princess' card with her magic and placed it before herself. "And that completes 'Princess of the Sun' and Trixie wins!" She clapped her hooves excitedly.
"Wait, on the first turn?" Shining said in utter bafflement. That was quick!
"Oh, it happens," Trixie said. "Other times, we go through the deck over and over before anypony wins. It's a very random game. Surely you're not accusing whoever shuffled the deck of setting up the cards so Trixie would win?" She grinned smugly.
"Ugh. Of course not," he muttered. He retrieved the cards again and shuffled the deck. Yakovlev glowered, clearly angered at losing the round before even having a chance to play. Shining hoped that the yak had earned his title from being a very good quarry worker; the alternative hinted at painfulness.
Since Trixie had won, she dealt and began. "Hmm, 'Draw two and play them'. And it's the Goal 'Chocolate Milk' followed by 'Make Love, not War'."
"What a nice sentiment," Spinnerette said. "New rule: 'Play Three', as well as 'Draw Two', so I get another card, and the Goal 'Mind's Eye'. I'm done. This is a fun game!"
"Draw Five, Hoof Limit Zero," Flim declared. "That should make the game interesting. And the 'Eye' Keeper for last." He discarded the rest of his cards.
"Hang on, does that mean I have to discard my hoof now?" Spinnerette asked.
"Not until the end of your turn, I think," Mina said. "Princey?"
"Sounds fair," Blueblood agreed. "What do you think, Shining?"
"Yeah, that's how we usually play," Shining Armor said. "You have to discard your remaining cards after you've played, but not before."
"Okay, my turn," Mina declared. "First the Goal 'Five Keepers'. Then I put down 'Chocolate'. Then 'Draw Three, Play Two', aaand... hah! 'Toaster' and 'Steal a Keeper', in which case I snag Mister Flim's 'Eye'. Two more and I win! Ha ha!"
"Methinks the dragoness is building a hoard," Flam observed.
"Bah! Dragon should know no long-term plans survive contact with this game!" Yakovlev roared. "Yak declare 'Peace and no War'! And also have 'Peace', and no 'War' is on table! Perfect victory!" The yak puffed up his enormous chest proudly. Shining considered asking exactly what made the victory 'perfect', but he'd rather not give the yak a reason to start smashing things, even if they were Blueblood's.
"Hmm... one for Trixie, one for the Yaks," Flam said. "Brother, it seems we must step up our game."
"It seems so, yes," Flim agreed. "Given the stakes, losing would be disastrous for us."
"Stakes?" Shining asked. "Blueblood, you didn't say anything about stakes. What's going on?"
"Oh, the stakes are only the most worthwhile and desired prize in all of Equestria, Sir Armor," Flim declared.
"Yes indeed, a treasure beyond measurable value, my good prince," Flam enthused. "Why, nothing short of a date with the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
"...What?" Shining asked.
"Definitely not a date with Trixie," Trixie corrected. "Those deals never work out very well. Sorry, boys. Besides, Trixie can do better."
"Ah! Shot to the quick!" Flim clutched his chest dramatically.
"Oh, our cunning lady is a cruel and vicious one indeed," Flam declared. He grinned. "We wouldn't want her any other way."
"No, no we wouldn't," Flim agreed.
Shining Armor chuckled. "Oh, you guys nearly had me there. Cadence would kill me for something like that."
"Oh, worry not," Blueblood said reassuringly. "If those were the stakes, I'd have to declare you uneligible. Just, you know, for the sake of marital integrity and good taste. Besides, Equestrian domination is enough of a prize."
"Huh?" Shining laughed again. "Okay, that's funny."
"What's so funny about the absolute control of all of Equestria and surrounding lands?" Trixie asked.
"You can't fool me this time, Trixie," Shining said. "That's hardly something you decide over a game of Fluxx. Come on, I'm not that gullible."
"You'd be surprised at the stakes that's been played for over the years," Blueblood said gravely. "Canterlot's representatives, myself included, have always dominated the game, hence why Auntie Celestia has remained in control all this time. Though, the competition this year is definitely above average."
"But--" Shining began.
"After all, aren't the players here a rather auspicious group?" Blueblood continued. "Yakovlev representing Yakyakistan. Mina, the dragon territories. Spinnerette for the changeling lands - oh, and am I ever glad not to have to deal with the queen this time. I represent Canterlot, Trixie represents Ponyville and middle Equestria, and Flim and Flam compete in the name of Las Pegasus and Manehattan respectively, covering the west and east. And finally, you fight for the Crystal Empire. Neat, no?"
"But what about the--" Shining shook his head. "I've never even heard about this, and I used to be Captain of the Guard!"
"The game is only played once per decade, Shinypants," Trixie said. "And it's kept top secret. You were a green cadet when it happened the last time - you think they tell state secrets to the grunts?" She sighed. "Look, I was surprised too when Blueblood asked me to play, but I'm going to give it my all. I'm sure life under Empress Twilight Sparkle is going to be just fine. Possibly more book and friendship-focused than before, but at least we'll be safe and educated, right?"
"I admire your gumption, girl, but I think it's high time Equestria had a taste of democracy," Flam said. "'President Flam' has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
"Almost as nice as 'President Flim'," Flim said. "Don't worry, brother. I will reserve a spot for you in the new government."
"Ponies waste time on pointless schemes if they want," Yakovlev said with a menacing grin. "Yaks will make New Yakyakistan perfect."
"Sorry about this, but King Thorax is just really, really nice, you know?" Spinnerette said, sounding a bit embarrassed.
Mina shrugged. "I just wanted to play a really good game."
"So shall we get back to the game?" Blueblood asked. "The sooner we're done, the sooner we can greet the new world order. Or the old one, assuming I take home the pot as usual."
"I..." Shining Armor stood up. "I need some fresh air. Really need fresh air. Wait for me, I'll be right back." He staggered out the door and slammed it shut behind him, followed by the sounds of hooffalls as he stumbled down the stairs.
Silence reigned in the room for a few moment. Then Spinnerette raised a hoof. "Uh, just checking, but we are going to tell him this is just a prank eventually, right?"
"Well, of course," Blueblood said. "Eventually. When it stops being funny, at the very latest."
"Not too soon," Yakovlev muttered. "Prince still needs learn manners."
Session 43.8 Kendell2
Based off Friends Forever 34.
"So...this house is alive?" Rainbow Dash asked, playing twister at a party in said house.
"Yep!" Pinkie Pie called, spinning the needle. "Right hoof on red! Her name is "Housey"!"
Twilight groaned as she tried to move her right leg. "Her?"
"Cheese Sandwich called Housey a girl."
Twilight was tempted to point out a building couldn't technically have gender, but was too busy trying to move in the tangle of ponies. "And this happened because the family's protection ward spell combined with their love and joy and caused the house to become a sapient entity?"
Pinkie Pie nodded. "Yep!" she called, trying to reach the spinner but not able to from her current possession. A chair's leg suddenly moved and spun it for her. "Thanks Housey! Left hoof on green!"
"Does that happen often?" Applejack asked, trying to move without falling over. She and Rainbow Dash were practically tied in a knot. "You'd think you'd heard about it more often if it COULD. Ah mean protection wards aren't that uncommon, our house has one on it for peats sake!...Come tah think about it, we should probably get one on the barn given our luck with it..."
"Can do it later. And it could be a specific protection ward and the family just had an exceptionally strong love for the house," Twilight pointed out. "It's possible Housey isn't the only one, but most of them are happy just...well, being houses and loving their family."
---
"Gosh darn it!" Granny Smith said, trying to reach a can on a top shelf but having difficulty. "Of all the times for AJ, Applebloom, and Big Mac tah all be out!"
She didn't notice it, but the wall moved slightly behind the shelf, moving the can forwards and into her reach just enough to go unnoticed.
"That's better!" the old mare replied, taking it to go make dinner as the wall returned completely to normal and a small glow happened.
OOC: For the record, I LOVE that issue and feel the idea of protective wards combined with the Power of Love over lifetimes can bring a place to life and make it a living being that loves it's inhabitants MAJOR fanfic fuel.
Session 43.9 Mtangalion
While Shining Armor was playing card games in Prince Blueblood's castle, supposedly to decide who would rule Equestria, several letters of interest were dispatched before the prank was revealed...
--
Prince Erik lounged on the throne of Icehome, pawing through the "Jeweled Collar Designs - by Rarity" catalog. "Blasted pony takes Diamond Wolf wealth faster than wolves can dig up more. Padded collar with sapphires looks so comfy, though..."
Another wolf laid a message in front of Erik. "What spies say now?" His ears pricked up. "Of course they don't invite us. They know we'd win."
--
Button Mash smirked at Featherweight's latest story for the Foal Free Press. "Well, of course they didn't invite me. They knew I'd win!"
--
In the highest aerie of the royal palace of the Griffon Kingdom, King Griswold browsed the latest report from his spymaster, tapping the pages with a talon. "Who would even want to rule Equestria? It's costing us a fortune, just to bring Griffonstone back into the flock. Hah, see how their royalty play games to foist the responsibility off on somegriffon else!"
--
Imago listened to the spy's report, then glanced to her mother. "It's a prank?"
Chrysalis grinned darkly. "Good, you're learning. Of course, if they'd been fool enough to invite me, I could have easily won..."
Session 43.10 Alex Warlorn
"Spike? I need you to dragon mail this Enchanted Comic return to sender." Princess Twilight called.
"How come? Is this like that interactive Ponysona comic, where your shadow came to life, and mocked how you never asked to be a princess, you just wanted to be a librarian or a magic research scientist, but Celestia never bothered to ask you, and you doesn't to admit to yourself or Celestia how up set you were on the inside?... And you ran away screaming that it wasn't true, and you fainted and your shadow grew into a-"
"NO! I mean, no, this one is just defective, it keeps crashing." Twilight hooved the comic to Spike.
"'True Resurrection of the Princess?' What keeps happening?"
"Well, after the final battle, and all the plot points have already been wrapped up, and suddenly this mentor character pops up and tells us to go kill Celestia, or Equestria will never know true freedom, then the characters at her castle began to make these superficial arguments against Celestia's right to exist, and I pointed out how skewed their view of Celestia was... who was a giant screaming pony head for some reason... and the comic kept crashing, everything freezes up, the colors invert, and spits me out, and I have to start the adventure from the beginning."
"... Right ... I wouldn't bet to get your money back though, I think the best you can expect is some store credit."
"Be that as it may."
Session 43.11 Ardashir
"Uh, Twilight, by the way, what ever did happen with those games Chrysalis was convincing your Gizmo and Poindexter to sell, based on her version of events?" Spike looked at the somewhat dusty pile in the corner of the room. On the cover of one an impossibly beautiful version of Queen Chrysalis smiled or maybe just leered at the viewer. "Are they still selling them?"
"Actually? Yes." Twilight shrugged. "Apparently a lot of gamers rework them so you can defeat Chrysalis instead. It's funny," Twilight rubbed her chin, looking thoughtful. "Chrysalis was actually getting popular with some ponies through those games, but now? After what she did?" She showed Spike a letter from Gizmo and Poindexter's game company. It was advance art for a new game, depicting a vicious Chrysalis running in terror from the Mane Six and Thorax under the words, 'Defeat the Evil, Greedy, Old, Hideous, Megalomaniac Queen Cheeselegs!'
Spike snickered at the cover. "Queen Cheeselegs?"
"That way she can't claim copyright infringement for the use of her name, if she was even stupid enough to try."
In the Badlands
"WHAT! Why, those - those - those miserable, ungrateful geeks!" Chrysalis ripped the magazine containing the ad for the new game apart. She flung it at the wall; before it hit the ground her roly-poly son Vordul was chewing on it. She yelled at her chief (and only) spy, "Assassin Bug! Do we have anyling left who can sneak into Canterlot and hire a hitpony?"
"Umm, there ARE no hitponies, majesty. I think there may be one or two that would throw a pie in their faces if we paid enough, though."
Chrysalis snarled. "Why can't Equestria be more like all the horror stories I tried spreading about it for years? How am I supposed to get my revenge when I can't even hire an assassin? Wait, do we still have some lawyers left?"
"No pony ones. They all said they don't work for free for foreign invaders who ponynapped their princesses and national heroines."
Chrysalis laid on the rock floor and groaned.
"No lawyers! No assassins! Being a poor villain sucks!"
Session 43.12 Kendell2
"So, how are things going, Thorax?" Starlight asked, leading the Changeling King towards a game room.
"Pretty good," Thorax replied with a smile. "We just finished clearing the Cragodile pit and turning it into a community pool."
Twilight's student blinked. "She had a Cragodile pit?!"
"Yes. She also had the circus maximus which...well, was basically the Romare Colosseum..." the new Changeling monarch replied, looking a bit queasy at whatever memories that brought up. "It's still there, but we're using it for hoofball and more sports and less...potentially deadly forms of entertainment now."
"I don't blame you..." Starlight muttered as they reached the door to the game room. "Anything else?"
"Well, my subjects are still trying to convince me to mandate bigger doors..."
"Why?" the purple unicorn asked...before cringing at a loud crash and turning to see that the rather large antlers Thorax possessed had torn straight through the door frame and wall around it when he'd gone through the door.
The Changeling King blinked, having apparently not even noticed until he saw Starlight react, then looked back and blushed green. "That's why...I'm still getting used to the antlers. Grandmother suggested a forty five degree angle but I'm not used to it yet...sorry..."
"It's fine...the castle self repairs..."
"Welcome to game night, Thorax," Trixie called, already seated next to Discord.
Thorax waved and sat down...then tried for a few minutes to sit properly on a chair due to still getting used to being twice the size he used to be and thus having longer legs to deal with. "Thanks for inviting me. Princess Celestia's book on being a good ruler had an entire chapter on why taking time to have fun is important."
Discord sighed. "Ugh...If you want my advice on being a ruler, just do whatever the Tartarus you want! Your word is literally law!"
Trixie rolled her eyes. "Yes, because that worked out SO well."
"...Point taken..."
"So what game are we playing?" Thorax asked, looking at the table. He noticed a computer for each of them.
"The new World of Hoofcraft expansion is coming out and it involves defeating Chrysalis," Starlight explained. "So we thought perhaps it'd be fun to set up accounts and doing some grinding...after all, we've already done it once."
Thorax blinked...then smiled. "I'd like that...what's World of Horsecraft?"
"Game from an alternate universe," Trixie explained. "Also, we might run into our alternate selves...Trixie is actually looking forward to that..."
Discord grumbled. "I'm still sore at alternate me...he trolled me. Only I get to troll me!"
The Changeling King cocked his head. "But isn't that what happened?"
"...Yes...but only when I'm trolling alternate me!"
Session 43.13 Ardashir
And in the world of Canterlot High:
"Okay, ladies," Sunset said over her headset link as she prepared to return to Horsecraft and enter the latest quest. "We all ready?"
The responses came through loud and clear: "All ready here, sugarcube!" "Um, I'm pretty sure I'm ready." "Hey, let's get going and beat old Bug-butt!" "I am perfectly poised, darling."
"I brought the snacks!" Pinkie Pie cheered over the connection. Sunset almost yanked her headset off.
"Pinkie, I thought we agreed, not so loud!" Sunset relaxed. "Besides, if the snacks are with you, how are we supposed to..." She felt something beside her and looked to see a small box of candy. "Huh, that wasn't there a moment ago -- Pinkie," her voice turned deadly serious. "You haven't been taking lessons from, uh, someone you may have met on the other side of a mirror, have you?"
"Naw, I come by it naturally!" Sunset somehow heard Pinkie's grin as she answered.
"Are we ready to go now?" Sci-Twi shyly said through her link.
"All ready," Sunset said. And with one press of a button they once more entered World of Horsecraft, even as (all unknown to them) so did the Shadowbolts. The latter were promising each other that this time, they'd stay away from any 'easy villain runs'.
And at Crystalsoft proper, a dark figure smiled to see all the gamers logging on.
"That's right, players," VP Chrysalis said with an evil grin on her face. A top of the line computer with its own headset sat right beside her, ready to let her take control of Queen Chrysalis. "Come and learn why they're called 'Changelings'."
In the next room, Thorax and several of her other programmers were here to provide "voluntary" assistance in running some of the more powerful Changeling lieutenants and ready to take the place of other gamers' ponies that these players knew. To set them up for an ambush. A trifle nasty, yes, but then gamers enjoyed surprises, didn't they?
The wall-mounted big screen before Chrysalis turned on as gamers' avatars began to arrive in Equestria.
Chrysalis smiled widely, her teeth gleaming like fangs.
"Come right in, said the spider to the flies."
Session 43.14 Kendell2
"Hey boss?" asked Aria, she and the other sirens trotting into VP's office as she prepared to 'assume direct control' of her in game self (as Sonata put it).
"Oh, hello. Did you finish that song for the promotional music video?" Chrysalis asked, looking ready to enjoy herself.
Adagio nodded, taking a disc out and sliding it over. "I do think it's great work. Even if we didn't sing the lyrics." Chrysalis herself had written and sung the lyrics, it was there job to put them to music.
"We also made you a ring tone version of it and emailed it to you! Happy Hear...I mean Christmas!" Sonata chimed in, completely obvious to the fact her sisters were trying to get on the boss' goodside with that.
Chrysalis blinked, took out her cell phone and installed the new ring tone while Adagio produced her cellphone and called her.
"This Day is Going To Be Perfect..."
The VP smirked. "Glorious."
"Glad you like it," Adagio noticed what was going on. "...Hey, mind if we join in on this? Don't know if I've told you but we know we can be pretty...alluring when we want to be."
"Hmm...I'm listening."
Session 43.15 MagicMan001
"Now Vordul... Cuddlebug. You know Mommy loves you more than anything," Chrysalis spoke serenely, taking a deep, soothing sip of her tea. "And the last thing she wants is to stifle your..." She considered her next words carefully. "Freedom to be yourself. But you can't just go around eating mommy's minions. As much as you used to. She's only got twelve and three-quarters left now and--"
"WHYYY?!" the maimed drone's cries of agony were so loud they could be heard in the ruin's communal kitchen.
"Shut up!"
The drone who had the grave misfortune of sitting right next to her cringed and pressed his ears against his head, but the sheer force of her voice actually threw him off his chair.
Chrysalis cleared her throat and regained her motherly composure in front of her son, finishing where she'd left off, "And Mommy needs her minions in her pursuit of regaining power and unleashing her brutal revenge on our enemies. Do you understand, Puddin' Poly?"
The small and very fat male nymph sitting across the kitchen table from her didn't look up from his chubby hooves. Snuggled in a thick blue Neighke hoodie, he was muzzle-down in his GameColt, a fat hunk of grey plastic with a glaring screen and a few buttons.
Right now, he was sucked into the 8-bit world of Pony Zombie Pummel XIII, the Hive's most popular video game series going back three generations. He played as the super cool Hercules van Beetle, crusading across a virus-infected Equestria, draining zombified ponies of every ounce of their love before brutally eviscerating them.
You'd be surprised how fresh a familiar concept can still manage to be after thirteen installations.
"Vordul?" Chrysalis asked a little more firmly. "Are you listening to me?"
His fragile world of eye-watering flashes and blings interrupted, Vordul pulled his sore eyes away from the glaring screen, growling at her, "UGH! Yeah, I heard you, okay?! Can I go now?"
"Young nymph, don't you dare back-talk your mother!" the drone sitting beside scolded.
Chrysalis promptly walloped him with the back of her hoof. "Stay out of it, Weevil, you're not even his real father!"
"Pfft! Yeah, Weevil, buck off," scoffed Vordul, who'd turned his attention back to his game.
Weevil whimpered and slunked out of the kitchen, his shoulders hunched like a whipped dog. Once the pathetic husk of chitin was out of their sight, the ex-Queen narrowed her eyes on her gelatinous offspring and sourly curled her lip.
Okay. Time for some tough love.
It took the entranced Vordul couple of seconds to realize the GameColt vanished from his hooves.
"H-Hey! Hey!" He stupidly looked around in search of his favourite device, only to find to his mother leaned back in her chair and casually playing his game. Badly. "Mom! What are you doing? Give that back!"
Using more energy in one spurt than he had his entire life, Vordul galloped over to his mother's chair, jumping as high as his stubby, pudgy legs would allow him. Which was very little. Chrysalis didn't even need to hold it out of his reach.
"Hmm? Sorry, honey, Mommy's too busy with her game," she crooned absentmindedly. She squinted her eyes and tilted her head. "It says 'life meter low', is that bad?"
"EXPIRED!" the game's baritone voice intoned.
"Oops."
Vordul was on the verge of a nuclear meltdown. "Mom, stop it!" he shrieked. His hooves pounded the cobbled floor like a furious woodpecker. "You can't play my--what are you do--you're gonna kill all my--OH MY GOSH ALL MY EXTRA LIVES!"
She replied blithely, "It's not nice when others don't listen to you, is it?"
Now a sly and intelligent creature she may be, Chrysalis still had a habit of underestimating her own offspring, including being their ability to be just as cunning as she. It was easy to write her son off as nothing but a fat, indolent lump with the brain the size of a chicken nugget, but all outward appearances aside, Vordul was no dummy.
Being the favourite child all his life, he knew what buttons to push at the right time. Many times in the past, he played Mommy like a harp from Tartarus.
If he threw a temper tantrum like one of his sisters', there was no way he'd get his Colt back. And boy, did he need his Colt. His new life outside the hive meant a much less substantial diet compared to what he was used to. It been more than a week since his last brunch or third dinner! Now he'd already ravaged the rat population in the ruins, and bar the love rations and small Badlands wildlife, for the first time since he could remember, his stomach was growling. That GameColt was the one thing taking his mind off it all.
So Vordul calmed himself down, swallowed his bile and put on his best 'Good Nymph' impression. "I'm sorry I ate one of your minion's legs, Mommy." He nestled his head on her lap and forced some tears for good measure, sniffling, "But... th-they were playing Hippos. Right in front of me. They were teasing me, Mommy!"
The 'Good Nymph' act never failed with Chrysalis, who tenderly stroked his head while she continued to play.
"Oh, I know, Sweet Slug, I know," she consoled him. "And Mommy has ordered every copy of that game in a 100 mile radius burned on a pyre. But you can't just devour any changeling you like anymore. We're no longer living in the Hive and you need to understand that."
"I do! I do. It was bad and I won't do it anymore. Oh, a-and I'm sorry I didn't listening to you. Good sons listen to their mommies." He then smiled hopefully and reached up and expecting hoof, asking in a completely different tone, "So can I please have my Colt back now? Pweeeaaase!
For a moment, Chrysalis kept on gaming, Then she hit the pause button and gave him the warmest, most maternal of smiles.
"Apology accepted, Vordul," she said, giving his untidy mane a playful ruffle. "But no." She flipped the power switch and the game died with one final pony zombie's murderous growl. "You spend far too much time on this thing. It'll give you square eyes and make you maladjusted."
Vordul's grin evaporated and his jaw crashed to the floor. Not only had the 'Good Nymph' act fail for the first time Ever, but did she just turn the console off... without saving?! He hadn't saved at a checkpoint since that morning, so that could only mean...
'I'm gonna have to start over all the way back in Deadmare's Desert!' he screamed internally.
The little tubba goo was so livid it felt like he was about to explode out of his chitin like the grossly overstuffed sausage he was. He could already hear the little tears and pops in his ears.
"I... you..."
"Okay, now that? That's exactly what I'm talking about."
"YOU STUPID BUCKING BITCH!"
In the distance, a drone spat out his drink of cactus juice and Imago sat up in her bed from her sleep, breaking into laughter.
The GameColt fell from Chrysalis' trembling hooves and broke into many pieces of plastic and circuits. She stayed where she sat, staring bug-eyed into oblivion, mouth agape. All she could do was twitch.
Vordul could have dumped bullion, that was how terrified he was as his hooves flew over his colour-drained muzzle. Even the sudden destruction of his beloved GameColt didn't mean piss compared to the fatal boo boo of all boo boos he'd just made.
The maddening silence was broken only by the gross rrriiip of his sticky pale belly suddenly bursting out of his chitin and stinking further past his knees.
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HA! Looks like the beginning of the Chrysalis campaign and Thorax is getting in on the action. A lot of these stories are fun. Also the Imago story made a lot of sense for those future stories that will happen later when Chrysalis's grand daughter takes over and brings the hive back into Avalon lol.
You, DO know this sounds like something ripped straight from a Doctor Seuss book, right?
No kidding.
Huh, useful.
Psh, I know a little blue alien who can make a ukulele sound an electric guitar without even screwing with it very much.
*dark chuckle* Ooh, this should be FUN.
Oh VERY badly.
And slicker than refined oil.
Wise.
Ouch, shot through the heart...
OK, I like you.
I found that very confusing. Interesting, but highly confusing.
So what's this a jab at?
That's why.
And while I'm sure he's strong, he's not a nigh omnipotent reality warper.
Riiiight.
Great...
What else?
*eye roll*
Whoah! Whoah, whoah, whoah!
Oh... dear...
7777068
The jab you mentioned is at a 3ds game, Shin Megami Tensei iv: Apocalypse. Personally I liked the story, even if it was a bit cliche
7777068
Or World of Warcraft. :)
7777555
Or that. Honestly, I'm not convinced the devs behind Wow didn't take SOME inspiration from Dr Seuss. His books can get, weird. As in you'd think Discord had a hand in them weird.
Is the scrying spell Chrysalis put on Spike still in affect?
If so, does she still realize this?
Have none of the other Hive Queens (or Kings for that matter) noticed the spell in the baby dragon's eye?
It would be kind of funny if the Hive Queens did notice, invited Spike to a whole bunch of get-togethers, and mocked Chrysalis just to spite her.
7778402
That... is a good question.
7778402 Now there's an idea!
7778924
7778402
IMHO? IT would be MORE FUNNY if the Queens DIDN'T KNOW the spell existed or was still active and were bath mouthing Chrysalis JUST BECAUSE, it would be FUNNIER.
7778932 Maybe. But I would think that maybe it would also be good if Blackrose at least figured it out. Not only that, but that she'd be the one to request Spike's frequent invitations (using his helping of Thorax as an excuse). It would be a sort of punishment of sorts. Making her wayward daughter see just what she gave up AND just how much better her former hive was doing without her. Plus the insults.
7778994
I just feel that happening on its own feel more karmic.
7779003 Ok, I can agree with that.
Another great chapter. Heartwarming and gut-bustingly funny at different moments. A particularly good Trixie chapter in fact.
It's probably good Trixie doesn't design and sell her own games, they'd be too difficult for a mass market to play.
Bam! Glimglam just became my favorite pone!
I feel like Glimglam answered Trixie's question in her own statement, governments don't start a war with someone offering them powerful new resources like magic in a fair and equal exchange. But Trixie is always right, and such developments do take time.
Do WoW Pandas live like that? Either way its adorable, and I hope the Panda ambassador is sped along by a fortuitous wind.
History Shows to those who would dare
How nature points out the folly of mare
Go Go Spikezilla!
No wonder Equestria wanted that trade deal with Yakyakistan so badly, yaks are the ultimate consumers, you can sell them products over and over again as they smash each one!
That entire scene was just so heartwarming. Good to know Blackrose did her best to reach her granddaughter.
I love that of the 13 loyal minions, half of them are probably lawyers. Looks like the remaining drones are split into spies, scouts, love harvesters, defamation civil suits and intellectual property law.
We need human Fluttershy to break the tie!
Oh dear. Just realized that Luna, Discord and Celestia might all get what they want if Equestria just makes Discord their ambassador to the human world. On the other hand, why is Luna so surprised? She probably sees this stuff about her and her sister in dreams every night.
I feel like Flim and Flam were written particularly well here. As you read their lines you can hear each one's patter setting up the next line for his brother.
The scary part is that if Yakovlev is the ambassador of Yakyakistan, he's probably the calmest and most conciliatory Yak around.
I admit, I kind of guessed this was a prank, but it was still really fun to read. I do wonder how the FlimFlam brothers got themselves an invitation to the table though.
Love it! I loved that chapter and the idea of the floating house. And this would explain why the Barn needs to be rebuilt every 6 weeks but the house looks ancient.
At first I was ready to strongly contest Kendell2's idea that protection wards on houses were really common, but then I remembered that the protection ward in the comic was just a potion from a random traveling salesmen, so I guess they must be fairly common. And I also agree there's tons of fanfic fuel here. Housey could team up with Cheese Sandwich, Cheese gets a mobile party platform so he has to do a lot less setup work, Housey gets a pilot with Cheesy sense to send her in the direction of large groups of ponies looking to party. If you wanted to do a romance fic, I can't imagine a better place for two party ponies to raise a passel of foals than in a neverending party house.
Surprised me with King Griswold's response, nicely done.
Well now we have to learn the story of these hard and desperate ponies, willing to shed pie filling for money. Is it a clean hit in the dark, no witnesses but a shocked pony covered in banana cream? Or will they challenge their target to a duel, meringues at ten paces? Is that the shameful truth of how Carrot and Cup Cake earned enough money to open their bakery in the first place?
We can confirm this, since the castle isn't getting smaller, but Spike seems to be getting chubbier...
Loved this scene. It was time Vordul got some character beyond eating things. I'm now imagining him as like a jerky version of Button Mash. Also, poor Weavil, he can't catch a break in any of your fics can he MagicMan?
7779201
Thanks for the feedback!
A lot of pandaren in WoW actually do live on the back of an enormous turtle called Shen-zin Su, or the Wandering Isle. Then the lost continent of Pandaria was rediscovered, the place where they came from originally. Blizzard came up with this because they wanted to make pandaren a playable race. Pandaren PCs are from the Wandering Isle, and Pandaria is as much a mystery to them as anyone else.
If there's an equivalent of Pandaria in Equestria's world, it's still shrouded in the mists.
7779314 Thanks for the info. I never actually played WoW, but I played a pandaren in Warcraft 3 back in the day.
Apple Math! Somewhere, Diamond Tiara is saying "ah" a bit too much.
And its being used as more than just a passing reference! Yay!
I have two finals tomorrow. This is exactly what i needed
7781793
On behalf of all the writers, thank you.
7781793 I JUST NOW REALIZED why APPLEjack and APPLEbloom were needed for a COMPUTER problem. My mind can no longer comprehend things that aren't British history or astronomy. eh. at least i get to laugh at life a bit
7781795 ....you're welcome? Not sure why you're thanking me
You're just as likely to get a restless, hostile Tsukumogami or Yanari as Herbie the Love Bug in this sinful world.