//------------------------------// // Session 17 Part 1 // Story: Ponies and Dragons (Just Have Fun) // by Alex Warlorn //------------------------------// Session 17.0 Mooncalf99 "...And the guy shouts, 'Better Nate than Lever!'" Pinkie Pie concluded. Trixie looked at the pink maniac quizzically for several seconds. "Sorry, I don't get it." "Yeah, you're probably right. The joke is actually really, really long… and kind of meandering… and actually not that funny," Pinkie admitted. "I was hoping I could just jump straight to the punch line, but it looks like it didn't work." "No, no it didn't," Trixie said. "But I can see how you were thinking, and it was worth a try, at least. Comedy is very hit and miss, after all." Pinkie nodded. "You understand perfectly. Of course, you would, seeing as you're in the performing business as well. And isn't it odd that a connection like that is never ever explored in the stories? I blame unimaginative writers, myself." "Mmm-hmm," Trixie said with noncommittal nod. She didn't know what the filly was getting on about this time, but her experiences with the Pie Clan - all of them mad as hatters - had taught her that the best way of dealing with their idiosyncracies was not dealing with them. "That is a crying shame, indeed. Heads up, Starlight's coming to the end of her speech." "And so I say, cast off your shackles!" Starlight declared passionately. "Free yourself from oppression! Let no tyrants hold you back with their vile dogma of superiority and authority! Let us unite under the bonds of commonality and equality, and together we can create a truly equal community where nopony stands separate, above or below!" She took several deep breaths, having nearly exhausted herself. "Are you done?" Twilight asked. "I'm just asking in case you have more prepared, but that sounded like a finishing point." "I'm… I'm done, yes," Starlight said, a little hoarse. She took a deep swig from her soda to soothe her dried-out throat. "So do I have to make a roll now? I can add my plus two Burning Passion knack to this, right? And the speech gives me a bonus?" "Make a Cool roll," Twilight said. "You're trying to impress them with your spirited personality. And yes, your knack applies, and you get a plus three from the speech as well." "Not more?" Starlight asked. "I think I did well. I worked really hard on that speech!" "Three," Twilight repeated. Starlight frowned. "But I used a professional technique that--" "Starlight," Twilight interrupted. "I don't want any quibbling over my decisions at the table. I'll be happy to discuss my reasons later if you want, but now is not the time, okay? We've taken up enough time as is." Starlight turned red. "Sorry." "It's fine, but look," Twilight said, gesturing to the other players. Trixie and Pinkie were doodling on their sheets, Gilda was leafing through a cookbook, and Rainbow Dash could just barely be seen behind several tall stacks of dice. "Dice stacking, Starlight. A sure sign of bored players. We don't want that, do we?" "No, no, go on with your… stuff," Rainbow said, placing a twelve-sider on top of another pile. "We'll be here all night at this rate, but hey." "Okay, okay…" She threw her own die with more force than she had intended, and it bounced against Trixie's hayshake and ricocheted into a stray pirate figure, which flew into the Rainbow Towers and sent them crashing to the ground. "Oops, sorry! Sorry, sorry… argh!" She stared at her own die, which showed a single bold mark. "Aw, that's dice karma for you, I guess?" "There's no such thing as dice karma, Starlight," Twilight said. "Speak for yourself, Princess," Gilda said, slapping away Rainbow's reaching hoof from her own dice. This was the third set she'd bought, and she'd be plucked before she let these get contaminated like the others. "Still, ten," Starlight said. "Is that enough to sway them?" "We'll see…" Twilight said ambiguously. She nudged a pirate figure with her magic. "One of the pirates speaks up. 'So you're basically saying that we should let you become captain, girlie?'" "Why, of course not," Starlight said her most pleasantly. "I will of course be happy to aid and guide you in your new life, but my friends and I will stand on equal grounds with you. There will be no need for anypony to be the captain." "You know, I don't remember the point where the rest of us agreed to join their crew," Trixie pointed out. "Are you seriously saying you don't want to become a pirate?" Gilda said. "In fact, why aren't we pirates already?" "Because we're underage?" Trixie suggested. "I mean, technically, at least. I'm a couple of billion years old, you were hatched last month, but neither of us gets into bars anyway. That's practically a requirement for piracy." "It's a lot of fun," Pinkie said. "Being a pirate, I mean. Not getting into bars. Or I guess that's fun too, but… pirates, yeah? I wonder what Hoofbeard's doing right now." She paused. "Funny, I could've sworn that was a prompt for a brief and ironic scene change." "'No captain?'" Twilight-as-pirate said in shock. Several of the figures bounced around a little, as if having a hubbub over this revelation. "'Outrageous! There always be a captain, girlie!'" "Why?" Starlight said, getting frustrated. She was sure that Twilight wasn't trying to mock her beliefs - she understood and sympathized with Starlight's plight well enough even if she didn't agree fully, that much had been made clear since Starlight took up residence here - but apparently she was playing up the pirates' stubbornness and thickheadedness. Then again, since their heads were plastic and could be removed without serious harm, maybe that was to be expected. "Why do you need to have a captain? All she does is push you around, make you fight and work, and take most of your plunder!" "'Aye, that he does,'" Twilight agreed. "'An' when I take 'er down an' become captain, I be gettin' the good stuff!'" Starlight blinked in surprise. "When… you become captain?" "'It's the pirate way, girlie,'" Twilight continued with a confident grin. "'A captain be the captain only for as long as they can hold their own. All'a us dream o' bein' captain.'" "Even though it just makes you a target to everypony else?" Starlight said skeptically. Twilight shrugged. "'It be the pirate way.'" "I see…" Starlight sighed in defeat. "I can't argue against that, I guess. Besides, a society where everypony has an equal chance to become the leader… I guess that is equality, in a way…" "You did really well, but that bad roll meant they weren't quite convinced to agree after all," Twilight said soothingly. Truth be told, she wasn't entirely keen on letting Starlight have an entire pirate crew - she was still coming to terms with herself, and that kind of authority could easily get to a pony's head if they weren't prepared for it (it was the same reason she permitted neither Rarity nor Trixie to take the Leadership feat in O&O), which in Starlight's case might undo weeks of friendship therapy. Still, Twilight was at the same time an ardent believer in playing the dice as they fell. If Starlight had rolled high enough… "So what happens now?" Starlight asked. "'Now ye all be thrown in the brig, ye filthy planet-lubbers!'" A new figure barged into the playing field, held aloft in a pale pink aura. It wore a wide-brimmed hat with feathers in it, and had extra long legs thanks to the extra lego pieces stuck to the bottom of its hooves. "'Tryin' ta subvert me crew with yer alien propaganda? I'll see ye keelhauled in deep space! So say the Dread Pirate Plasmabeard!'" Five pairs of eyes turned to Trixie. "What?" The unicorn said. "All this talking is getting boring! Besides, do you really think the captain's just going to sit around forever while we pull shenanigans on his ship?" "Okay, but… 'Plasmabeard'? Seriously, Trixie?" Twilight asked. "I could have sworn I used female pronouns for the captain." "It's a traditional name theme," Trixie said with a shrug. "I guess she could still have a beard. Somewhere. But seriously, why do every GM have to make every important NPC female?" "Huh? I don't do that," Twilight said. "I mean, sure, I used Luna and Celestia as references for Agent L and the princi-- wait, forget that last one, you don't know that yet." "Eh, just seems like a thing," Trixie said. "At least you're not like that GM I played with in Manehattan once. She gave stallion characters a minus two to strength to compensate for, quote, 'the ability to sire foals'." "That… makes no sense," Twilight said in disbelief. "Whatever. We have a fight scene to do. Girls?" "About freakin' time," Gilda said. "Could you make 'em a little tougher this time? I want a challenge." "Hmm," Starlight mused. A grin spread across her face. "Just so we're clear on this… whoever defeats Captain Plasmabeard gets to be the new captain, right?" Twilight stared. A chill ran down her spine suddenly. "Actually, you know what? Why don't you all take a break and get something to eat? I need to go over my notes." Session 17.1 Kendell2 "Wait..." Trixie said, back in the pirate manega RPG. "So the town we stopped in turned out to be a hive of bounty hunters?!" Twilight nodded. "And they spiked your drinks with salt, so only Rainbow Dash is currently conscious due to how high her salt and alcohol tolerance is." "Well we ARE pirates, aren't we?" Rainbow Dash asked. "You'd think that'd be a skill that came with being them." "So until we get the right rolls to wake up, it's Rainbow Dash vs an entire town of Bounty Hunters?" Applejack asked. "Good thing we level ground," said Rainbow. "So, what am I up against?" "They're all members of the next module's main antagonist's crime syndicate," Twilight explained. "There are one hundred, but 96 of them are just foot soldiers barely above your average rank and file Marine with four mini bosses and two actual bosses on their way." "So Dyneighsty Warriors style? Got it," Rainbow remarked. "Can't be any more dangerous than Cadence's cravings." "Um, excuse me," said Starlight. "But I never drank anything." Twilight blinked. "What?" "One, in real life I'm a good enough manipulator myself to know when something is off," Starlight replied. "And two, my character was more interested in researching the town than hedonism. In fact I think I won a 'research roll' when we arrived, couldn't I have found something?" Twilight gave an annoyed sigh. "...Uh..." she did the proper number crunching. "...Yes, that's right." "Alright, so me and Starlight vs 100 bounty hunters?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Sounds like fun. Try to wake up before the real bosses show up, okay?" Trixie grumbled in annoyance. "Spotlight stealer." "Hey, you're the one who got to beat up the big bads so far!" replied Rainbow Dash. "Point taken..." Session 17.2 Alex Warlorn "HIT THE FLOOR!" Screamed one royal guard to a crystal guard as they both dove for the illusionary safety of the carpet. "What madness tis this!? Has Tirek escape Tartarus?! Has Chrysalis made another attack? Has Sombra risen from the dead again?" Princess Luna demanded who was interrupting her beauty sleep. "It's Princess Cadence!" "Why is our niece visiting Canterlot when she could be due for birth at any time?" "She wanted cake!" ".... And she heard of our sister's private Cake Room?" "Y-yes-s!" "And our sister learned one was trying to pilfer her precious pastries from her?" "YES!!!" "And our sister responded as a dragon would to have one gold cup from their horde stolen... And Cadence, tis in no mood to be reasoned with... " "YES! YES YES YES YES!" The entire castle shook. Princess Luna shouted. "SCRIPE! SCRIPE! ... Right, they need to sleep too! BLUE BLOOD!" "NO AUNTIE!!!" "Biologically speaking we are actually- never mind! No! I am not asking you to throw your life away to be caught between your cousin and aunt's crossfire... I want you to send word to Princess Twilight Sparkle, and help her organize Equestria's First Royal Princess Cake Eating Contest ... NOW HURRY! The fate of Canterlot depends on ye!" "'Ye' isn't really in style anymore auntie." "MOVE THY BUM!" "Yes Auntie." Session 17.3 MtangaLion Princess Twilight trotted into the Ponyville schoolhouse and placed a bundle of scrolls on Miss Cheerilee's podium. "Hello, girls!" She cringed just a bit, giving an apologetic smile to Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom. "Sorry, that came out all weird. Thanks for staying after class for a few minutes." "Howdy, Miss Twilight," said Apple Bloom. "Hello, Princess," said Diamond from her own desk, a little sheepish. "Is this about the math test?" Twilight grinned. "You got a perfect score, Diamond. Not only that, but you were absolutely right about those missing debits in your family account books. Your father was very proud... although he was concerned about a few things too. Two hundred fifty one plus three hundred twelve... Apple Bloom?" Apple Bloom tilted her head, puzzled, but she rattled off, "Five hundred an sixty-three. What kinda things, Miss Twilight?" The Princess tapped a hoof to her chin. "Well... for one thing, we need to study this phenomenon scientifically. There's a lot we still don't understand. Ninety-eight times seventy-seven, Diamond?" "Seven thousand five hundred forty-six," said Diamond. "Hmph, too easy." "What's there ta understand?" asked Apple Bloom. "Numbers are easy when ya work with apples." She nodded cheerfully. "It makes perfect sense." Twilight's smile slipped. "What? No it doesn't! How does any of this make sense? There are too many unknowns!" Diamond Tiara jumped in her seat. "Finally! I could hug you right now! Um... except Ah'm not gonna. Cause that would be weird." Twilight twitched. "Er, what did you just say?" She glanced down at her notes. "Seventy-seven cubed." "Four hundred fifty-six thousand, five-hundred thirty-three," said Apple Bloom helpfully. Diamond looked away grumpily. "I said, I'm not going to hug you. I'm just glad that *somepony* understands that this isn't normal! Ah mean, it happened to *me* and Ah still don't understand it!" "Right," stammered Twilight. "Magic may play by different rules, but it *does* have rules. We need to study whether this 'math genius' effect is tied to Sweet Apple Acres specifically, or apple cultivation anywhere. How much and what kind of exposure is required? Does it work only in earth ponies, or anypony? I've already made a huge list of possible factors." Twilight magically leafed through her scrolls and picked out one to take notes on. "So, Diamond, have you continued to work at the Apple farm? Square root of three hundred." Diamond didn't answer that one right away. "Um... seventeen... ish?" Apple Bloom put a supportive hoof on Diamond's shoulder. "Seventeen point three two." "Oh, right! Thanks! Um... I kind of stopped studying when math got so easy, and I was afraid that if I stopped working on the farm, Ah'd lose it all and flunk the test... but it ain't so bad, really! Just a half hour after school most days, and Apple Bloom's there too and we do it together!" "Interesting," said Twilight, scribbling more notes. "I notice that you're wearing your hair differently." Diamond Tiara blinked. "Since when?" She dug a compact out of her saddlebag and nearly shrieked at her reflection. "A ponytail? My hair's been in a ponytail *all day* and nopony told me? How..." The pink filly blinked a couple times, and facehoofed. "I forgot... Shiny Star was taking so long to style it this morning, I just told her to hurry up and make it look okay so I could go... meet up with my friends." Apple Bloom grinned. "Looks fine ta me!" Diamond glared at her, but giggled, unable to keep a straight face. "It would!" Twilight nodded. "Well, then... Oh my gosh! Is that a bug in your coat?" Diamond really did shriek this time. "Where is it? Get it off!" Twilight thrust a small, glowing green lamp at the fillies. "Here, this enchanted lantern will help you find it!" Diamond searched both of her flanks, frowning. "I can't find any bug. Are you sure you saw one?" Twilight trotted over to them. "Maybe it was a trick of the light... but if there was a bug, this powder will be sure to drive it away!" She magically tossed a pinch of glittering powder at them. Apple Bloom sneezed. "Twilight! You got it on me too!" "Well, that's another theory down," muttered Twilight, returning to the podium and making a check mark on a scroll. Apple Bloom, meanwhile, was getting a crafty, suspicious look. "Hey, Miss Twilight! Eighteen percent of seven hundred and five!" "What!?" cried Twilight, scrolls flying everywhere. "It's... Hold on, I've got this..." She closed her eyes, screwing her face up in concentration. "One hundred twenty six... point nine!" She blinked. "Wait a minute..." Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara stamped their hooves in applause anyway, laughing. "Is there still time ta help at the farm?" asked Diamond. Apple Bloom laughed. "Oh, there's always more chores waitin'. Come on!" Twilight nodded, letting the fillies go on their way, then turned to Cheerilee, who had been listening outside. "Let's not go planting apple trees in the schoolyard just yet." Miss Cheerilee sighed. "As wonderful as it would be to teach calculus to the whole class instead of just Apple Bloom... and now Diamond Tiara... I agree." Session 17.4 Alex Warlorn Octavia, PON-3, and their circle of friends were at Lyra's house, playing Harmony The Gather. PON-3 had provided most of the cards and thus was dominating them. Then Octavia glare her a glare and instead began to help the others through it learning how to actually play the game. Lyra said, "Too bad some of these creatures couldn't be real." Lyra said looking at a human on the card game picture. Octavia said, "Personally, I'm glad things like vampires aren't really some secret society of blood suckers who have lived in the shadows of Pony Civilization since forever... " PON-3 raised an eyebrow. "I just mean... Changelings. The Crystal Empire. Nightmare Moon. The Equalists, no offense Suri." "None taken. And call me Buttons." Princess Twilight had insisted that she interact with other Ponyville locals to help build up her free will and individual identity. Right. I just think this world has enough conspiracies as it is. It doesn't need more." Bon Bon blushed and hid a little more behind her cards. Session 17.5 Alex Warlorn Twilight still wasn't sure how Fluttershy had talked her into play a game of Bunnies and Borrows with her, Suri, and Angel. But at least it would be a chance to see how Suri acted without Glimmer there, and in a non-pony environment type game. After all, who social political intricacies could pop up role playing as RABBITS? Before Suri arrived and Angel was outside, Fluttershy asked out of the blue. "Twilight, as a hypothetical question, would it matter to you, let me rephrase that to what it actually means: to our friendship, would it matter if I was a changeling? And always had been one? And had always been Fluttershy?" Twilight blinked she asked. "Would you have known anything about Chrysalis' scheme?" This was rather out of the blue, but Twilight saw no reason to play along, they were here to role-play after all. "No." "Would you have been working for Chrysalis?" "No." "Then Tartarus NO! It WOULDN'T! Not now, not ever!" "So it wouldn't matter to you?" "You asked if it would matter to our FRIENDSHIP! And it WOULDN'T! I'm friends with apes from another universe! A changeling is TAME compared to that! Yes it would matter to ME because you'd be a wealth of information on changeling culture and on changelings who have peacefully assimilated into Pony culture! Compared to Kevin who doesn't talk much no matter how many times I to talk to him. He says he just doesn't like to talk about it. It would also mean I'd have to look out for you as a friend, because of Chrysalis likely wanting to 'reward' changelings who don't buy into her 'ponies are just walking love batteries' propaganda. So I would have to protect you. And since it's something you clearly want to keep private, I'd have keep an eye out for that from now on." "Even if I technically lied on my taxes when I filled out my type on my tax forum? And therefore I broke the law and committed a federal offense and should be punished?" "That... is complicated. Besides the fact you clearly identify yourself GREATLY as a pegasus, or you'd have adopted a new identity as a earth pony by now. Which would mean leaving all your friends. Also, realistically speaking, when a changeling transforms, and you do a medical scan, you detect the type of pony they're hiding as, they'd have never infiltrated Canterlot if they couldn't get past that. So technically when you shape change you ARE biologically a pegasus. So Fluttershy, it would NOT change our friendship, and I'd have to be some kind of racist idiot to report you for what you were born as... uh... you aren't a changeling are you? I just want to know if I should get you a weight watchers book next Hearts and Hooves." "No. That was completely hypothetical." "Okay then." "Hi my equal friends! I'm here so we can equally contribute to the borrow's greater good!" Suri cheered hopping in, wearing costume bunny ears. Angel marched in after her, rolling his eyes at her props. (To Be Continued)