• Published 2nd Sep 2015
  • 15,249 Views, 2,073 Comments

Ponies and Dragons (Just Have Fun) - Alex Warlorn



A peek at various times of the Mane Six, Spike, and friends, all play Dungeons and Dragons/Ogres and Oubliettes, Paranoia, Call of Ponythulu, Toon, an adaption of themselves, and just about every other role playing game under Celestia's sun.

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Session 8

Session 8.0 MtangaLion (addition at end by Ardashir)

Rainbow Dash was standing on the game table, on her hind legs with her wings spread for balance.

"That looks dangerous," murmured Fluttershy. "Does she have to do that?"

"She gets bonus points for doing that," said Trixie. "It's in the rulebook."

"This hoof of mine is burning blue!" shouted Rainbow Dash. "It's awesome roar tells me to grasp friendship!! ALICORN...FEATHER!!!" Then she punched the air so fast that all their ears popped, and a rainbow shockwave rattled the furniture.

Twilight removed a pair of earmuffs. "Plus ten points for...awesomeness, and minus three for doing a Rainboom in the house." She magically rolled a pair of dice. "Still, her attack easily destroys the boss mecha and the rest of the first wave."

Gilda snickered. "Nerd!"

Rainbow flapped her wings and floated back into her chair. "Don't care. Too awesome."

Applejack put a character sheet on the table and pushed it over to Twilight. "My new mecha will join in for the second wave. It's got a lasso of truth and it's powered by pure earth pony magic." The other side of the character sheet had a sketch of a cockpit, with her and Big Mac in virtual reality harnesses.

"Sounds good," said Twilight brightly. "Did you name it yet?"

AJ nodded. "Eeyup. Darn Tootin'."

"Great! What's the name?"

"Ah told you the name."

Twilight blinked. "Um...No, you didn't."

"Ah did so."

"So...the name of your mecha is what exactly?"

"Darn Tootin'."

"You named your giant robot 'What Exactly?'"

"Darn Tootin'."

Pinkie started waving a hoof. "Ooh, ooh! Third base!"

Gilda and Trixie threw popcorn at her.

Twilight exasperated. "That's it! I don't give a buck any more!"

Applejack asked. "What did ya say?"

"I don't give a buck!"

"That's the name o' the one Apple Bloom is makin'!"

Session 8.1 Richforce

"Sweetie and I came up with this design together," said Rarity producing a drawing a white feminine looking robot with light blue energy wings. "Sweetie came up with the robot and I made up its story. It's called Eros, it is armed with an energy bowgun, laser firing ‘bit drones', a plasma tipped spear with for close quarters combat and for a finisher a longbow that fires the ‘Valkyrie's Arrow' an energy based arrow that can be used to purify."

"What did you add to the design for your backstory?" asked Fluttershy.

"I added that it would have system that would give it a faster response time but it requires two operators a pilot and a gunner."

"That set up would work," said Twilight. "But according to Button's rules in this case if the pilot and gunner don't work as a team then the mecha will not perform to its full capabilities."

"That's part of the drama I came with. The pilot's name is Starvella and she is the princess of a race of friendly aliens that built Eros and came to stop the alien invaders so that they'd free her home planet. On her arrival to Equus fell in love a local stallion named Stellar Wind and, according to her people's customs, has declared him to be her betrothed, making him Eros' gunner."

"I hope we don't get a lot of cheesy romance," said Gilda.

"On the contrary, Stellar Wind is confused by the sudden engagement but as time would go on he would come to care for Starvella and would fight just as much to save her people as ours."

"I can see where this can change up the story," said Rainbow Dash.

Rarity came up with a drawing of a gold robot. "Wait until later in the campaign. Then we'd have to face the prince who was supposed to be in an arranged marriage with Starvella until one of the invading factions forced his people to call it off by invoking a treaty making them allies and he is forced to fight against us or have his own planet enslaved."

Applejack raised her eyebrow. "Rarity, you know this is a game, not one those cheap romance novels they have at the checkout at Barnyard Bargains right?"

Session 8.2 MtangaLion

"Well, why not, darling?" said Rarity. "Our little sisters are growing up so fast." She gave Applejack a sly look. "I wonder where Apple Bloom picked up the fine art of double entendres."

AJ glanced left and right, all shifty-eyed...

- - -

"Hey, Big Mac!" shouted AJ, with the whole house full of their Apple kin, and mugs of good Apple cider in hoof and many cheerful grins and reddened cheeks in evidence. "Have you seen mah hat? Ya know, the one Ah wear when Ah go harvest the apple fields."

Big Mac grinned hugely. "No, sis, Ah have not seen your bucking hat." Cousins and siblings roared with laughter, knowing those two were just getting started...

- - -

Applejack blushed. "Ah might have a notion or two."

Session 8.3 Kendell2

lright, Fluttershy, what's yours?" Twilight questioned.

"Oh..." Fluttershy pushed her character sheet over, the design looking surprisingly heavily armored, and the components looking like it was composed of an ambulance, a police car, and a fire truck. The ambulance served as her hind quarters, the fire truck her upper body and front legs,, and her head and chest from the police car. "Her name is Guardina, she's got a pilot named Healing Hooves, who's compassion is converted into energy to power her, but she's an...artificial intelligence that works with her pilot? Is that right?"

Twilight nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"She was built by a group called Safeguard to help protect civilians and limit the damage from the battles," Fluttershy explains. "She'll fight if she needs to, but her primary focus is on defense."

The Alicorn of Princess looked at the stat sheet, naturally Guardina had a below average attack stat and slightly above average speed, but her defensive stats were incredibly high. "I can see that."

Guardina was also a three part combining mecha. According to the rules, combining mecha could have more versatility in their components and a few more bonus skill points, but could only combine if all of their components were in functioning shape and it took sacrificing your turn to combine them, leaving them vulnerable (unless you invested in a transformation skill upgrade that could defend you for the turn). Fluttershy had dumped all those bonus points into defense.

"Her components are Guard Medic, Guard Fire, and Guard Police. Guard Medic carries medical supplies and has an opening hatch were civilians can enter and be evacuated. She also carries tools for repairing other robots. Guard Fire has multiple high pressure water cannons to put out fires and an extending ladder. The pressure of the water can be turned up high enough to cut through steel...if it needs to and the ladder can extend fast enough to act as a battering ram. Guard Police is the fastest, and the only one with any dedicated weapons, though most of them are nonlethal for capturing bad guys, like stun rounds. Though it does have a few guns for offense."

Twilight blinked.

"She asked me to help her a bit," Rainbow Dash replied. "She isn't good at coming up with things to blow stuff up."

Fluttershy nodded. "She's right...Guardina herself has Guard Fire's water cannons on her wrists and can use the ladder as a weapon. She still carries medical supplies, pistols that were from Guard Police. She's able to use her ladder in this form as either a bracer for herself or to hold up buildings that might fall. She also has a shield for protection. Her finishing move is called Purifying Knuckle has the armor on her wrist slide up over her hoof as a gauntlet and the water blasters spinning around to propel her punch into the enemy with a purifying aura around her blow. Oh...and if they're a mecha, the gauntlet grabs their cockpit and rips it out, protecting the pilot, if they're one of the parasite possessed monsters, she tears out the core. If they're a monster, it simply grabs onto them while they're stunned from the hit and purifies them...um, is this okay? I know she's not very offensive. I...don't play offensive too well..."

Twilight nodded. "Sounds very nice, and it looks like you also have a 'intercept enemy attacks' skill, that'll be useful. The team could really use a defensive unit. And according to the rules, going out of your way not to cause collateral damage scores a big expy boost."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Button apparently thought the good guys trying NOT to get ponies hurt should be rewarded."

"...Can't argue with that."

"Yay..." Fluttershy said with a smile.

Session 8.4 Alex Warlorn

"Suri I'm sorry," Twilight apologized. "But I'm booked for the size of the Mecha Heroes group for this adventure, and for the last time, no, you CAN'T play as one of the robot alien invaders!"

"But they just want to make every pony happy!" Said Equal Suri.

"No! They want to remove ALL emotions! Did you actually READ the setting summary?"

"Of course I didn't you puffed up royal brat!" Said Normal Suri. "I didn't want to play this game anyway! And-" Then Equal Suri was back in the driver's eat. "-please call me Buttons."

"No! So way! No how! You're suffering ENOUGH from identity disorder, I'm not driving a DEEPER wedge in your psyche."

"Can you make it so Unequal Me doesn't show up while I visit my parents? I don't want to upset them." Then Normal Suri. "I don't want to see them! - Yes I do!- No I don't! I haven't seen them in years! Not long enough!"

Twilight groaned. Maybe SURI should have been playing Libra instead of Starlight. "So...what was your character you made for the new O&O session?"

"Here you go."

"You ...you took the Commoner Class? You do realize that's for NPCs and not meant for adventuring right?"

"I don't want to stand out and show off to the other party members. And the rule say I can play any class I want right? Which is why if I'm stuck playing with this stupid game, use this one!"

"...A Half-Demon Centaur Spell-Thief with the kleptomania character flaw?"

"It DOES sound horribly unequal to the other players doesn't it?" Said 'Buttons' apparently back for a moment. "That's why I want to play a Commoner. NO! I don't want to play at all! I was unemployed, blacklisted, and all alone. It was horrible. It's so nice Starlight Glimmer showed me the way. I'll smoother that nag in her sleep with a pillow!"

Twilight banged her head against the crystal table. She wondered if Other Her had days like this.
-
"Uh...Sour Sweet...you did remember to take your medication this time right?"

"Of course I did!" She smiled. Then snarled. "In a pig's eye!"

Session 8.5 Kendell2 (Note; the Comet Kingdom is a Composite of the Comet Empire and Zeon, so I imagine the mecha mentioned resembling one of Zeon's.Also, I intentionally misspelled Zonder as Zondor, because I couldn't think of another name for them that's different enough.)


"Alright, the wave has almost been completely wiped out..." Rarity said, the current situation in the game being a fight with the Comet Kingdom's forces. However, that wasn't what had her a little cautious. While the Kingdom's forces weren't to be taken lightly (in fact one of the earliest plots had been preventing them from simply bombarding Equus from space with atomic weaponry), and they were always worried about defending against their ships attacks, but Twilight had put one of the biomechanical parasites into play, but it had yet to activate. The situation turning into a melee could change everything.

All three enemy factions were as big a threat to themselves as the ponies, as the Prehistoric Monsters were defending their turf against the Kingdom and the Parasites, the Parasites sought to mechanize EVERYTHING, and the Comet Kingdom naturally viewed all sides as enemies for that reason.

Twilight nodded and put the last counter on the parasite. "And the Z-Medal has finished it's incubation period..."

"Great, so now we've got to worry about that," Rainbow muttered. Given the Comet Kingdom had no qualms about harming ponies, they often had to make sure to be the one to beat the Parasite before they could destroy the core.

Twilight gave a smirk. "The commander of the Kingdom attack force mutates into a Zondor and assimilates his own mecha and the remains of his squad's mecha to become a Robo!"

The group's eyes went wide.

"What?! That can happen?!" Rainbow Dash asked. "I thought the mechas protected the pilot from those!"

"Yes, but not if they're infected BEFORE they get inside and neglected to do a search to pick it up and the Zondors are trying to mechanize the entire universe," the GM replied. "Remember when that happened to you?"

Rainbow Dash blushed. Her character had had that happen to them once, it'd been how their mecha had been wrecked for the first time. "Okay, didn't expected for a mook commander to become the boss!"

Twilight smiled, this scenario had been suggested in the rulebook for a specific reason. "But you see, the soldier's stress was directed at his superiors due to the pressure they put on him for the Kingdom's repeated failures and is attacking his own launch ship!"

The group blinked. "But that means our enemies are fighting one another," Rarity pointed out.

"But he can't eject..." Fluttershy pointed out. "And they don't have the ability to purify them. And even if it's on the enemy ship it could infect the others..."

The group looked conflicted. On one hand, the could let their enemies duke it out and clean up the winners, on the other, they could help and save the pilot.

"...Twilight, Guardina begins combination sequence, she's going to fight the Zondor," Fluttershy explained.

"Guardina performs an act of genuine mercy to an enemy, her stats are temporary doubled until the end of this battle due to her Kindness Power Source," Twilight replied with a smile.

"...What the heck, let's help the buckers out..." Rainbow Dash said, if Fluttershy was going to do it, why not her? "Besides, my character's been through this, probably wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

Session 8.6 Clacksphob

"Hi girls, great to be here again. Today, I brought my best friend Bon Bon along, she has a bit more experience with this than I do. And she most certainly isn't a Commando, or a Secret Agent, heh heh..."
"Thanks, Lyra.", Bon Bon replied, poison lacing her words. "I heard you all are rather new to roleplay, so I figured before Lyra breaks her campaign, it couldn't hurt to come along and give some assistance", said Bon Bon.
Lyra smiled. "I guess introductions are in order. That's Lemon Hearts, that's Twinkleshine, you already met Colgate, I mean, Minuette-"
"‘Colgate'?"
"It's an old nickname, it kind of stuck. Colgate is fine, really." The blue mare grinned.
"And this is Moondancer, she actually had the idea to throw together a session."
"It's nothing, really. I just wanted to give this a try, and, well, I never had anypony to give this a shot with, so..."
"So Lyra told me, you all have made your characters?", Bon Bon asked.
"Sure did! Although I'm not sure how these humans are supposed to work."
Bon Bon shot Lyra a deadpan look. "Of course."
"What?", Lyra asked defensively, "You yourself said to make your campaign about something you know well!"
"Yes, but..." Bon Bon sighed. "You know what? Never mind. I won't bother to put together a character; I'll just play any NPCs Lyra cooks up."
The four mares nodded.
"Well, come on, Lyra! Are we gonna start or what?", Colgate asked.
"Alright, if everypony's ready..."



Once upon a time, in the mundane Kingdom of Sumeria-
"Sumeria?", asked Twinkleshine.
"Supposedly, it's the first Kingdom of the Humans," said Moondancer.
-Yes, can I please continue? Good. There was a great King, whose might was unchallenged. His name was-
"What might could he possibly have had? Humans don't have magic, you said so!" Twinkleshine looked around the table, visibly confused. "Did I misunderstand something?"
Well, what humans lack in magic, they make up in strength, smarts, endurance, and innovation! So he was really strong, and the smartest in the land, and it is said that he invented houses!
"What is there to invent? Four walls and a roof, it's just a cave with a door! Even most pets understand that!"
"Just wait and listen, Lemon Hearts, I'm sure we'll get an explanation in a moment", Colgate offered.
Look, these humans are right at the beginning of their development! It's their first Civilization, think ‘even before the three tribes'! Anyways, his name was Alulim, and he received the kingship descended from the gods in the first city, called-
"Wait, what gods? So there is magic, after all?"
Bon Bon butted in, feeling the need to save Lyra's campaign before it even started. "Look, you're going to have to stretch things like that a bit. Sometimes magic needs to be created first. Or some settings have magic, but nopony who can use it. Or sometimes the world is only a simulation. And Rule Zero is always, the GM is right."
Thanks, Bon Bon. Lyra leaned in to nuzzle her best friend.
"Maybe you should turn off your epic narrator voice before saying that," Bon Bon replied.
No, I'm perfectly fine like this. It makes everything I say so much more profound! Mixed biscuits, mixed biscuits, mixed biscuits!
"Lyra, please, would you continue?"
Of course, Bon Bon. It is the annual punch-out-invent-athlon, a contest of strength, wits, and ingenuity. It is a big occasion, and everybody in the city attends. Would you please introduce your characters?

Session 8.7 Alex Warlorn

"Soooo, how did this happen again?" Nurse Red Heart asked.

Lyra and Bon Bon sat next to her each other. Bon Bon an arrow in the knee and had her front hooves crossed and glaring daggers at Lyra.

"Welll," Lyra rubbed the back of her head. "We were LARPing."

"You had an accident?"

"Yes...and no...Bon Bon's character took a hit and died, but she argued that an arrow at that range couldn't hit its target, and one thing led to another and-"

"Here you go!" Doctor Stable said handing Suri off to the mane six. "With her new medication she'll be happy and stable and as long as she keeps taking it her other personality will not emerge."

"That's good." Twilight said.

"I love helping my friends equally!"

"HEY! You said this would keep her other her away!" Rainbow Dash said.

Doctor Stable Condition blinked. "Wait, you mean the sociopathic, anti-social, kleptomaniac is her NOMAL personality?"

Session 8.8 Kendell2

"So this is about saving Hearth's Warming?" Starlight asked, looking at the RPG.

"Yes, the expected plot: evil witch trying to ruin Christmas, we much venture to the North Pole to save it," Twilight explained with a smile.

"Oh yes! The classic plan of trying to ruin Hearth's Warming! What villain, or former villain hasn't tried at least once?" asked Discord with a laugh.

Starlight blinked. "I never did..." she muttered. "I just thought the coal was Santa Hooves way of supporting me by giving me coal to keep myself warm..."

"Oh..." Discord said, blinking. "So just me?"

"Trixie just got visited by the Ghosts of Hearth's Warming..." Trixie remarked. "I'm friends with one of them now...Trixie is proud to no longer be on the naughty list!"

Discord rubbed his head. "Huh...I tried to turn the entire North Pole into molten chocolate. For some reason it didn't work. He just turned all of it into chocolate candy and then gave me coal...So next time I tried making it snow into flaming peppermints, but he just extinguished them all when he came within ten miles of them...then gave me coal. Oh! And then there was the time I tried to drop a meteor on the North Pole! Somehow a ton of dragons showed up to save him and blew it to smithereens...and he gave me coal..."

Twilight blinked. "How many times DID you try to ruin Hearth's Warming?"

"One thousand, five hundred, and thirty nine times. One of which I managed while still stone! In fact this year is the first year I've been capable of trying to ruin the holiday and made no attempt to ruin Hearth's Warming at all! Oh I'm such a nice Draconequus, aren't I?"

Twilight rolled her eyes while Fluttershy hugged him.

Session 8.9 SomeRandomMinion


The green and black dice clattered to a stop, bringing forth yet another round of groans from every foal at the table...except for Sweetie Belle, who squeed in delight and clapped her hooves.

"EEE! Three points of damage to everypony, AND I get another Power Cube!" Sweetie levitated her 'Filly-Saurus Rex' figure off the board and gave the cardboard dino-filly a quick nuzzle before adding one more of the game's currency to her rather large pile. "So, how're your kaiju holding up?"

Despite her innocent tone, everypony knew that Sweetie was REALLY asking if she'd, yet again, dominated the board. "Draco-Mech is totaled," Button Mash announced miserably. He idly knocked his own figurine of a robotic dragon over, mimicking a mechanical crash under his breath. "And just one turn before I was gonna use my heal card...."

Apple Bloom's monster, a giant Changeling Queen with a yellow-and-black shell, also tipped over. "Dangit, ya squished Queen Hornet!" She brightened up a bit and giggled, addressing her fallen beast. "Sorry yer Majesty; guess ya won't get ta flood the Studson River with honey..."

"....Nope. Not making an 'I'm melting, oh what a world' joke. Not gonna happen." Diamond's voice was firm as she tipped over her own giant beast, a titanic wolf-like Diamond Dog made of ice. "Not even sure if Abominable Snow-Mutt can talk..."

Sweetie Belle blinked. "Wait...I got all three of you in one go? ...YES! I win! That makes me....Queen of Manehatten!" She pumped a hoof into the air, then winked at everypony as she scooped her victorious kaiju into her hooves, sliding it around the board as if it were stomping through the conquered city. "RARGH! Filly-Saurus squished all other monsters, now tiny ponies do what she say!" Sweetie rumbled, putting on her best 'big evil monster' voice--which really just sounded like she had a sore throat.

"Grr; Tiny ponies make streets wider! Filly-Saurus hate squeezing between buildings...and her flank got stuck between some in Eastside!" The final words were a--still 'monstrous'--pout. "Stupid metal dragon shoot her in butt with laser!"

Button smirked, taking a robotic and vaguely dragonish pose. "SAR-CAS-TIC RE-MARK: A LAR-GER TAR-GET IS EAS-IER TO HIT. DRACO-MECH MAKES NO APO-LO-GIES, OR-GAN-ICS." He ducked under a cupcake thrown by Sweetie. "Hey! Get mad at the robot dragon, not at me!" he chortled, holding up his figurine as a scapegoat/shield.

Sweetie gave a fake snarl, flitting her cardboard monster about imperiously. "She not like getting stuck! Change streets! And any tiny pony call Filly-Saurus' flank big, she eat them...or maybe squish them with her flank....and that NOT hypocritical!! Rwarrrgh!"

The little skit raised everypony's spirits, all but erasing their rather devastating loss from memory as giggles filled the air.

"Not bad, not bad; didn't expect you to beat us all that easy," Diamond said, helping Apple Bloom collect the tiles for smash-able buildings. "Didn't think you'd last that long staying in Manehatten, since you can't heal there."

Sweetie shrugged, cleaning up her own end of the board. "It's risky, but if you keep getting healing cards or damage boosters, you can tough it out. Thanks for bringing the game, Button! This was so much fun!" Her voice growled on the last word, making the filly wince and massage her throat. "Ugh, that monster voice kinda hurts after a while..."

As the King of Manehatten board was put back inside the box, Applebloom spoke up.

"So, how long y'all reckon Discord or some weird magic thing ends up turnin' us all INTAH these giant monsters next time we play?" At the stunned looks she got, she rolled her eyes. "Oh c'mon, it ain't like somethin' weirder ain't happened. 'Sides, d'ya REALLY think Discord would miss a cue like THAT to go makin' game night a bad movie marathon?"

The assembled foals all took a moment to ponder that; Apple Bloom looking around the room like she was expecting something to happen.

"...Huh. That usually works."

Session 8.10 Ardashir with little bit on the end by Alex Warlorn

Apple Bloom and her friends were not the only ones looking at King of Manehattan at that immediate moment. Unfortunately, they were the only ones happy about it.

"WHAT!!!"

"Please! Your Madjesty!"

Changelings dove for cover as Chrysalis yanked the game away from some panicked nymphs. Dice and tiny monsters scattered, all save one black and yellow Changeling piece. That one Chrysalis held quite carefully. The little Changelings froze in terror as the queen glared at them.

"WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS??"

"Great Queen!" One Changeling dared to fly close. Chrysalis snarled at them. Hoping someling would get the bright idea to hurry the nymphs away before Chrysalis took her temper out on them, the brave Changeling said, "You ordered us to learn more about Equestrian culture...And games and stories can be a valuable source of insight into what a culture values -- URRK!"

They kicked feebly as Chrysalis held them by the throat.

"That was not what I asked," Chrysalis said, her voice dangerously calm now. She held the Changeling monster piece before her subject's eyes. "Who among those insolent ponies got the idea of making me -- ME! -- some monster?"

The Changeling thought, 'somepony who knows you?' "I have no idea, majesty. Such an insult..."

"It certainly is," Chrysalis snapped as she dropped them. Ignoring the Changeling as they gasped for air, she said, "I am not A monster. I am THE monster! Ponies and their brats should be having nightmares about me. Not beating some, some fake me in a game!" She tossed 'Queen Hornet' away (and didn't see the nymph that quickly snatched it up and hurried off). "Find my best infiltrators! I want them to bring me the insolent being that offended against my royal dignity. They will suffer for this insult!"

###

"Hey, Poindexter, do you think we might have gone overboard with some of those King of Manehattan monsters?"

"Oh, please, do you think somepony's gonna kill us?"

"You mean like that robot you built that wanted to replace all the brains of the Princesses?"

"It was only a prototype! It wasn't armed or anything."

"I believe you were shouting 'No! You were programmed to protect ponies from changelings!' and it went 'Bzt, that is not logical: changelings are ponies, bzt.' Before Shining Armor smashed it."

"I was just testing out some software in case Chrysalis tried anything on game night one of those times..."

Session 8.11 Mooncalf99

Twilight Sparkle was getting buried in a small mountain of paper when Rainbow Dash flew into the study. Most other ponies would have been concerned with this, but to the ponies in her immediate social circle, this was an ordinary sight and nothing to be concerned with. If you wanted to get technical about it, the pile rated less a mountain and more a foothill, or a hillock. Not very impressive at all.


"Hey. Twilight," Rainbow said, ground-level topological definitions the last thing on her mind. "Got a minute?"


Twilight looked up. "Oh, hi, Rainbow! Is it time for the game already? I didn't lose track of the hour again, did I?"


"Uh, no? It's just afternoon," Rainbow said. She looked at the papers. "Is this all for tonight's game?"


Twilight laughed. "Oh, no, of course not. It's mostly tectonic drift charts, because...well, it's not important right now. My game notes are much simpler. I try to nail down some things I want to keep track of, but most of the time I want you all to be able to do what you want." She picked up a folder. "See this, though? This is my folder of things to throw at you when you're being troublesome. I learned that from Shiny. Always have a secret weapon."


Rainbow chuckled. "You keep surprising me, egghead. Seriously, just the fact that you wanted to run a game so...so..."


"Pinkie-like?" Twilight suggested. Rainbow nodded. "I know. And if you'd asked me a few years ago, I probably would've refused. But you girls have had a good influence on me. I actually asked Pinkie if she wanted to GM, but she insisted I try first."


"Huh...I guess I can see that," Rainbow mused.


"So what did you come over for?" Twilight asked. "You seemed to have something on your mind."


"Oh, right," Rainbow said. "Well...it's about Gilda."


"She's not canceling, is she?" Twilight said, concerned. No GM had ever appreciated a player dropping out or no-showing without warning. Shining Armor had once banned two players from his group for repeatedly not attending when they were supposed to.


"Of course not!" Rainbow protested. "She flew into town yesterday, and she's really excited about the game. Even if she tries to play it cool and all that. You know how she is. I just wanna make sure you don't have a problem with her character, you know, since she's kind of overpowered."


"Huh." Twilight looked at her friend for a long moment. "Tell me, do you have a problem with Fluttershy's character, since she's so overpowered?"


"W-what?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Fluttershy? Her weird-animal character? Overpowered?"


"She can transform into any kind of creature, big or small, as long as it fits the ‘Call of Ponythulhu' genre," Twilight explained. "Which technically could let her do anything, as long as she can pick the right form for it."


"But Flutters never does anything like that," Rainbow protested. "All she does is being helpful and cute about it. Unless Discord gets her to go along with his latest scheme, and even then..."


"No, because Fluttershy is who she is, and she just wants to be helpful and friendly and cute," Twilight explained. "Pinkie Pie's character could be terrifying if she actually tried for it. And if you want to go by sheer power...I think Trixie tops the chart."


"Trixie...uh, okay..." Rainbow muttered disbelievingly. She fought down the urge to ask why her own super-awesome character didn't warrant a mention of being overpowered as well. Pinkie was not cooler than her! "Seriously, how the flying feather is Trixie overpowered? She's just a self-centered glory seeker with delusions of grandeur." She smirked suddenly. "And her character's not much better!"


Twilight rolled her eyes. "Oh, be nice. Anyway, she's a literal star. If she wasn't horribly violating the rules of physics in order to stay in a nice and stable pony shape, she'd destroy everything just by being there. And yes, we've talked about that and we don't actually want that to happen. But since the game is about having crazy fun instead of destroying everything, it's okay with playing fast and loose with things, so she's just another eccentric weirdo with a few crazy powers and a funny background story."


"So...you're not worried about Gilda because you think she won't want to play a destructive monster?" Rainbow asked dubiously.


"Oh, I'm sure she'll want to play a monster," Twilight said with a confident grin. "And she'll get to. I'm simply not worried because she drastically overestimates how destructive she really can be."


"You're not planning to nerf her, are you?" Rainbow asked. "She hates that. I told her that we get to go nuts all the time, and if you start to railroad her..."


"No, I just..." Twilight stopped. "Oh, I see what you mean. Hmm...that might be a problem, but...okay, I think I know what to do. I'll need your help, though. Can I count on you to back her up tonight? Just stick with her, cool her down when she needs it..."


"I getcha," Rainbow said, saluting sharply. "I'm on it. Don't want a repeat of her first visit, right?"


"Right." Twilight smiled confidently. "After all, the important thing is to have fun. For everyone."

Session 8.12 Mooncalf99

Tonight's game was held in the main throne room around the Cutie Map, due to the need for seating space more than anything. Twilight and her friends had their usual seats, while Gilda was sandwiched between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Trixie and Starlight sat next to Rarity and were arguing about...something about spell adaptation and speed factors, which left the fashionista feeling very much out of her depth. Discord had curled up among the roots from the old library, his head hanging down by Fluttershy's side. Spike had joined them too, sitting on his own smaller seat by Twilight's side. With no friendship problem to call for attention, the map was just an ordinary table, currently stacked with the detritus of gaming: character sheets, books, dice, pencils, figurines and far more snacks than was healthy.



"Okay!" Twilight began, politely calling for attention. "I'm really very surprised how many players we've gathered for this campaign. I mean, nine players? That's actually pushing it. So I've been thinking of making a few changes."



"You're not switching to that weird game with the cannibalistic breezies, are you?" Pinkie Pie asked.



"N-no, of course not!" Twilight said hurriedly. "Why would you even think that?"



"I thought it looked cool," Gilda muttered. Fluttershy made a queasy face at her. "What? It's just for fun! Jeez!"



"Is Suri joining?" Rarity asked.



"Not until her mind stabilizes a bit more," Starlight said. "I'm no doctor, but I think this game might be too stressful for her right now."



"I was going to say that I'm deputizing Spike to assistant Game Master," Twilight continued. "I'm not fully decided on how to handle it yet, but he'll be doing some rule calls and...other things."



"Good thinkin', Twi," Applejack said. "That should take some o' the weight off yer back. Ah know full well what happens when ya try doin' everything yerself." She chuckled at the memory.



"What she's not telling is that it took me a whole afternoon to convince her," Spike said. "She really was planning to handle everything on her own first."



"Spike! They didn't need to know that!" Twilight protested, to the general laughter at her expense. "Now, earlier when Gilda presented her character, I realized something. Other than she and Starlight, none of you have actually described what your characters look like."



"We haven't?" Rarity asked. She turned to Trixie, who shrugged. "I thought we did. I certainly have a solid idea of what you all look like...I think. Then again, I've always had a knack for visualization."



"I think we just jumped right in," Pinkie Pie said. "Unless Discord stole our memories of it."



"If I did, I must have stolen my own as well," Discord said. "Which is not entirely impossible, mind you. But no, probably not."



"Well, I don't see any problem doing it again," Rarity said. "The Disco Diva is from a parallel dimension where disco never went out of vogue. So she's technically a normal unicorn, except for the whole disco thing. Also, her coat looks like tie-dye in red, blue and yellow, and her mane is bronze-colored. She's always wearing disco-era clothes and manestyles."



"How you can visualize that with a straight face is beyond Trixie's comprehension," Trixie said wryly.



"Self-depreciation can be useful now and then," Rarity said proudly. "It's all fun and games, anyway."



"Too true," Trixie said. "My turn? Bright Light was once just another light in the sky, distant and eternal. Until her gravity well caught a radiomagical transmission sent from Equestria by a few secluded unicorns hoping to make contact with distant extraequestrial life. Intrigued, she used the unfathomable powers of space--"



"What kind of powers are those?" Pinkie asked.



"The unfathomable kind," Trixie said. "You cannot fathom them. Anyway, she used it to transform herself into a smaller, more focused form in the likeness of the Equestrian dominant species, and raced towards her new home. There, she was taken in by a group of unicorn astronomers, and sent to school, so she could wow and impress you all with her glory." Trixie paused to take a sip from her hayshake. "Anyway, Bright Light looks like a pony, but made from swirling cosmic energy in various colors, depending on her mood. And she likes to wear the latest fashions."



"You gave up on the plan to be Luna's secret starchild, then?" Discord asked.



"Apparently it didn't fit into the setting," Trixie said, pouting theatrically. "Twilight probably thought I'd try to abuse it. Next!"



"Should I describe Libra again?" Starlight asked.



"No, you were very concise the first time," Rarity said. "But that reminds me. I've made these to help you out when you're split apart." She took out two small half-masks from her bag and presented them to Starlight.



"Oh my," Starlight breathed, holding the two masks up for scrutiny. Both were small enough to just cover the lower half of her face, and one was white with a blissful smile on its lips, while the other was black and twisted into a sinister sneer. They were also decorated with black and white gemstones. "How nice! Oh, I get it!" She held up the black mask. "Haha! I am the deceptive Ra!" Then she put it down and took up the white mask. "And I am Lib. It's so wonderful to meet you." She lowered the mask. "Right?"



"Exactly!" Rarity said. "Props can make it so much easier to roleplay. Otherwise, you'd have to keep telling us which of your sides you're playing at the moment, and that gets really tiresome. And it helps staying in character!"



"Thank you..." Starlight smiled, a few tears glittering in the corners of her eyes. Then she threw her hooves around Rarity and hugged her tightly. "Thank you!"



"Personally, Trixie prefers hats for separating different characters," Trixie said conversationally to Discord, trying very hard not to look bothered by the sudden display of affection taking place next to her.



"Indeed, hats are useful," Discord said. "I once played eighty-seven characters simultaneously and kept track of them that way. No other players, no GM, just me and a huge stack of hats. Good times. Should I describe my character now? Okay then. Random Act is, as mentioned, an earth pony. He's a bit boring-looking - ugh, what was I thinking when I tried to make a one-note gag character? - say, a light grey coat and a black mane. He is, however, quite handsome, and looks very wholesome and trustworthy. The kind of stallion you wouldn't think twice about lending a hundred bits, or send off with your daughter for the evening. Oh, and he's got a question mark for a cutiemark."



There was a moment of silence at the table.



"Okay, wow," Gilda said finally. "That was incredibly creepy, and I've known a few creeps. Can I punch him when I see him later?"



"Au contraire, mon chasseur," Discord said. "As I said, I am a good pony. Nice, friendly, helpful. I may have gotten tangled up with a band of ruffians, but I'm obviously just a victim of circumstance. I'm trying to help out more than anything, and keep my dear, innocent friend, Mane Agery, safe and sound. Right?"



"Makes perfect sense to me!" Fluttershy said proudly.



Gilda opened her beak to say something, but fell silent. She stared from Discord to Fluttershy. "You." She pointed a claw at Fluttershy. "I'll figure you out sooner or later."



"Okay," Fluttershy said, smiling sweetly. "Okay, I've actually thought about this. Um, there's really no point in describing all the forms I can take, is there?"



"We'd have to make sanity checks every time," Spike said.



"But obviously I have a normal form I use sometimes, right?" Fluttershy continued. "And it looks something like a pony-sized quadrupedal squirrel with a large fluffy tail."



"That's really cute," Twilight said.



"Yeah, and that's the dominant species on her planet," Discord said. "Which means a race of squirrel-ponies beat the stuffing out of dozens and dozens of nightmare-inducing monsters to get there. What does that say about her?"



There was another silence. This time, Rainbow Dash broke it. "Hey, Gee? I think Fluttershy took the prize."



"What the flying feather..." Gilda muttered. "No way am I gonna lose to her!"



"Welp, I'll jus' get mine done an' over with," Applejack said. "Perfect'ly normal earth pony, ‘cept for a bit o' mad sciencin'. Black coat, white mane. Wears one o' those authoritative black jackets an' cap. Cutiemark is a red circle with a slash through. That's about it."



"So your unique talent is stopping others from doing what they want?" Spike asked.



"Eyup, that's the one. Anypony misbehavin', I'll put a stop to it," Applejack said proudly.



"Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!" Pinkie cried, bouncing up and down on her throne. "Okay, picture this. Reptilian. Green scaly skin. A shock of magenta hair on her head. And a big mouth that can expand at will, up to big enough to swallow a timberwolf, with five rows of teeth!"



"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked. "S-scary!"



"Um...I also wear funny sunglasses, a poofy white chef's hat, and a white chef's jacket?" Pinkie suggested quickly.



Fluttershy looked thoughtful and smiled. "Okay, that's less scary."



Pinkie beamed. She didn't like to frighten Fluttershy, but sometimes it happened when she didn't watch herself. "Also she's got a wide, potbellied body, two stumpy legs that can move deceptively fast, and six arms. Originally evolved for more efficient foraging, but now used to optimize cooking." She clapped her hooves together. "Okay, now it's Dashie's turn!"



"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash said hesitantly. "Okay, I'm gonna level with you. I...kinda don't have a good idea. At least not something that's cool or funny enough. Sorry. Can I pass for now?" She slumped down on her throne, looking dejected.



Pinkie scrunched up her muzzle, looking long and hard at her best friend. (Of course, Pinkie considered every friend she had to be her best friend. But of all her best friends, Dashie was probably her best. And so was every single one of the others as well.) Then she looked at Gilda. "Cool wings, am I right?"



"What?" Gilda asked in surprise.



"A guy called ‘Wings Maximus' has got to have some seriously cool wings, right?" Pinkie clarified.



"Oh..." Gilda's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! Definitely. Like, huge ones! Or...three pairs! And a flexible body, like a snake. No legs, ‘cuz his people fly all the time."



"They fly through space, always looking for the next speed rush, and their radiant wings can catch the solar wind for a boost," Trixie suggested. "That makes Wings' acrophobia all the more tragic, of course, as he was forced to seek shelter planetside. But on the other hoof, his triumph when he ultimately overcomes his fear will be all the sweeter."



Rainbow Dash stared at her friends, her mouth open and curling into a smile. "And...uh...cool shades?"



"Three pairs of cool shades," Rarity suggested. "Because he's got three pairs of eyes?"



"And he feeds on electricity, which he generates by collecting sunlight on his scales, since physical food is hard to find in deep space," Twilight offered. "Though he can eat Equestrian foods, and...enjoys strong flavors?"



"Which is why we hang out!" Pinkie finished. "Yes! That's an awesome character!"



"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash chuckled slowly, picking up speed before becoming a triumphant laugh. "Yeah, I'm pretty awesome, aren't I? Check out Wings Maximus!"



"Okay, I think that covers everything," Twilight said, feeling very proud of her friends. "It took a while, though. Let's eat, and then we'll begin playing."

Session 8.13 SomeRandomMinion

"Erm, My Queen? We have a problem..."

Chrysalis sneered even worse than usual. How dare this peon interrupt her massage? Shooing the masseurs away with a buzz of her wings, she slinked off the table and towered over the trembling messenger. "This had better be important. Speak now."

Her potential victim barely hid a gulp. "Y-Your Majesty recalls the i-i-incident with the game the nymphs were playing a few weeks ago, y-y-yes?"

"Of course I do. The brats playing with that mocking fantasy Changeling Queen with a wasp's body? The fabrication stealing the terror-spotlight from ME? How could I forget?" Showing ALL of her fangs, Chrysalis leaned down and got in the messenger's face. "But how. Is that. Important?"

Half-babbling in terror, the smaller Changeling could only reply, "JustPleaseGoOutsideAndYou'llSee....!"

Shoving her underling aside with a violent burst of magic, Chyrsalis stomped out to a balcony....

...And came face-to-face with the unmistakable, yellow-and-black visage of a (gigantic) fellow Changeling Queen. Save for a VERY sharp pair of mandibles in place of jaws and black eyes (and being the size of a skyscraper), she was the spitting image of Chrysalis.

Chrysalis greeted her unexpected visitor with all the royal dignity she could muster.
"Abbawhaaaa....?!"

"Konnichiwa, Chrysalis-chan," the insect titaness greeted with a bow. "I am Queen Supia of the honorable Hive Mandarinia in Neighpon. I take it you have issue with a certain game? Featuring a kaiju very much like myself, yes?"

"Er...yes? A-Are you...here about that?" Chrysalis was rooted to the floor, trying to look covertly for an escape route...but her harliquine eyes kept drifting back to Supia's mandibles; they looked like they could cleave an airship in half...

"Hai. You see, Chrysalis-chan; my Hive only recently opened up to the world--and no, not ALL of us are my size--and when the nature of the 'Queen Hornet' character was revealed to me, I was delighted! To see that children would be happy to play as a Changeling Queen, AND the thought of her rampaging through a city would be their GOAL...it was liberating. I feared I would only be seen as a monster; I even had a few 'rampages' in ages past to protect my Hive. Why, I'm even thinking of playing Hornet in a film based on the game--"

Supia seemed to catch herself rambling, quickly cutting off the flow of words with a clack of her mandibles. Chrysalis let herself snigger at the un-royal display, so much for this overgrown honeybee having any power...

And then Supia leaned in, her black eyes and those terrible mandibles filling Chrysalis' view utterly.

"And then I learned of your tantrum over the game." Supia's voice was a demonic, buzzing hiss. "Sending some of your soldiers to harass the poor developers just for NOT making YOU their monster? Do you even KNOW size-shifting spells? Have YOU ever cause a tsunami with just the force of your wings? Have YOU ever crushed a mad daimyo's army LITERALLY underhoof?" A slim pink tongue shot out and licked at those horrible mandibles. "Do you know what kappas taste like when you swallow them whole by the dozens?!"

"N-N-No....I h-h-h-haven't g-g-g-gotten around to that y-yet.....!"

Supia buzzed her wings briefly, creating a gust that blew Changelings off their hooves all around and kicked up a minor dust storm. I. Do, LITTLE Chrysalis-chan. And with all THAT in mind, which one of us makes a better kaiju?"

"Y-y-you do...."

"Very good. And knowing that....do you STILL think that YOU should have been in that lovely little game, rather than a doppelganger of myself?"

"N-N-No, Your Majesty...."

Supia abruptly pulled back, suddenly cheerful again. "Excellent! Then I guess the matter is settled. I trust that you'll send an apology to the developers, saying that this matter was an overreaction on your part? AND that you'll lift the ban on the game in your Hive, if the rumors I've heard are true?"

"Yes, of course! OF COURSE! A silly think to ban such a fun game over, right?" Chrysalis somehow managed to go pale despite having a carapace.

Supis bowed again. "Wonderful, Chrysalis-chan. I'm glad we could straighten this matter out. I despise cutting meetings short, but I'm afraid I must leave now. My elite Changelings are getting ready for a parade; they're quite proud of their new samurai attire. Farewell, Chibi-Chrysalis."

With a thunderous buzz of her wings, the gigantic Changeling rose into the air and took off, her wingbeats still echoing long after she was gone.

Chrysalis was left shuddering where she stood, nursing a newfound phobia of ANYTHING wasp-like.

Session 8.14 Mooncalf99

"You race up the stairs inside the Statue of Friendship, the tidal wave hot on your heels," Twilight declared. "Everyone, make a drive roll to avoid stumbling and getting caught. Bright Light takes a two-point penalty because the moon is weighing her down."

"Argh! Cursed localized tides!" Trixie growled, rolling her dice. "Six! Do I make it?"

"Just barely," Twilight said. "The water is lapping at your hooves."

"It's following the moon! Throw it to me and you'll be safe!" Pinkie Pie urged.

"What kind of fool do you think I am?" Trixie spat back. "You'll just eat it!"

"Curses, you figured me out!" Pinkie cried. "I mean, no, of course not. I wouldn't dream of trying to eat the big, rocky, candylike, yummy-yummy yum..."

"We could just keep it, and make ponies pay us in return for not flooding their property," Starlight said, holding her black mask. She switched it with her white one. "Absolutely not! Benefitting from somepony else's suffering is terrible!" She switched again. "Oh, but think of how their mutual fear of flooding will unite their hearts and bring them together!"

"Just do something!" Applejack declared. "Ah'm pinned down over here an' ah can't keep the Mares in Black away forever! Horseapples, this is going to get on my school record, isn't it?"

"They start shouting at you in the Royal Canterlot Voice," Spike said. He cleared his throat and raised his voice a little to pretend he was shouting. "PUT DOWN THE ORBITAL BODY AND BE DESTROYED! Roll Cool to resist the voice of authority."

"I don't even have it!" Applejack protested. She rolled quickly. "Wait, don't y'all mean ‘put it down or be destroyed'?"

"NAY!" Spike shouted.

"Um...Bright?" Fluttershy said. "Maybe we should return it, or put it back where it belongs? Um, because Princess Luna is getting really angry."

"Except that wouldn't have happened if somealien hadn't let slip that we had it in the first place," Rainbow Dash said.

"But she seemed so sad, walking around Canterlot and putting up ‘missing moon' posters everywhere," Fluttershy protested. "And those ‘have you seen me?' pictures on the milk cartons!"

"Is this for real?" Gilda asked carefully. "Feels like I'm watching an insane asylum..."

"Pretty much, but it's fun," Rainbow said back. "Just wait ‘til Twilight's introduced you, and you'll see."

"No, it's mine! Mine, mine, mine!" Trixie cried. "You don't understand what it's like to feel the ticking of your astronomical clock, Mane. I might only be two billion years old now, but sooner or later I'll bloat into an ugly old red giant, and I need to settle down and start a solar system of my own before that happens. And this moon...it might just be the one for me. I can feel it in my radiative zone. Right here." She tapped her chest.

"Fly-baby, that's just gravity," Rarity said. "Face the facts, that old rock's not right for you. He's Luna's used goods. Yesterday's news. You gotta hook up with a fresh new ball of good vibes. Or two or three. A couple good planets who haven't let some other sun set on them, you know what I'm saying?"

"Hmm..." Trixie mused.

"Okay, while Brighty's getting...I can't believe this, but romantic advice on a planetary scale?" Discord said. "Yeah, I sneak open her backpack and grab the stone. With my ‘They'll never know' knack, I get a whopping twelve on the roll."

"Hey!" Trixie yelled. "You put that back!"

"Bright Light is too tied up in her astro-maternal woes to notice," Twilight said. "Of course, now the raging tide is going after you instead, Random. What do you do?"

"I leap from the crown of the statue, hoping like Tartarus that somealien with a nice and shifty shape, hint hint, will catch me," Discord said. "Alternatively I go splat on the sidewalk. That's technically workable too, although I'd prefer not to get bonked out in the process."

"I'm on it," Fluttershy said. "My astral space bug form is fast and mobile enough to catch him easily."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Pinkie cried. "Idea! Can I throw Wings to catch him first? It's a Crystal Heart Special!"

"Hmm..." Twilight considered.

"No way," Spike said. "That's wife tossing, and they're not married. Or at least they take penalties for it."

"Sure, why not," Twilight said. She gave Spike an amused look. "You take a minus ten penalty on the roll because you're not married to Wings. And because he's the wrong gender."

"What would you need to perform an emergency wedding?" Starlight mused.

"Maybe I can--" Pinkie began.

Rainbow Dash cut her off. "No way. I'm afraid of heights, remember? You're not throwing me off. It's bad enough to be climbing up here."

"Okay, so Random Act leaps off the Statue of Friendship," Twilight declared. "The homing tidal wave bursts out after him, flooding the statue in the process and thoroughly soaking Wings, Hungry, Bright and the Diva. Take two bonk."

"Does my polarized neutronium catsuit help at all?" Rarity asked cautiously.

"It doesn't get wrinkly from the water, if that counts," Twilight said. "Mane takes off from the ground, drawing a few horn-bursts from the MiB, although most of them are still cowering from Crimson's shots."

"Ah ran outta zapgun ammo five rounds ago," Applejack admitted. "Ah've been throwin' rocks an' strongly worded remarks about government spendin' since."

"It's enough, I guess," Twilight said. "Mane catches Random holding the moon just as the tidal wave crashes into them and flings them into the MiB midst."

"I take up a heroic stance on Mane's back and hold out the moon," Discord declared. "When I land, I present it to Princess Luna. Your moon, your highness."

"Luna was with the Mares in Black?" Starlight asked, surprised.

"The MiB are Luna's own department, actually," Twilight said. "They also all look just like her, for some reason...Luna takes the moon without so much as a ‘thank you' and flies off into the sky. A few seconds later, it appears on the horizon, back to its normal size and all. The tide dies down. No, it doesn't leave any loot, Pinkie."

"And the day is saved, thanks to valor, sense, and good old-fashioned Equestrian values," Discord said proudly. "Who's up for some apple pie?"

"Moo-oon!" Trixie cried, reaching dramatically for the sky as though she was trying to milk a giant, invisible cow. "Moony moon, come back!"

"Hey, you still got a few million years, top cat," Rarity consoled her. "Weren't you gonna be a hep idol singer, anyway? You don't want an old deadbeat like him cramping your style, you dig?"

Trixie blinked exaggeratedly, looking as though she came to her senses. "You're right! No way is this star getting tied down to that has-been! I'm going places, and I don't need no baggage! The sky's the limit, baby!"

"Preach it, McFly!" Rarity agreed.

"So I kiss the Diva," Trixie continued.

"So you-- wait, wait, what?!" Rarity cried. "Where did that come from?!"

"Relax, it's not for real," Trixie reassured her with a laugh. "But, hey, apparently it's how Equestrians thank each other or something, and Bright Light is feeling really grateful. Besides, it'll do wonders for my public image. Teenaged colts eat it up like zap apple jam, you know?"

"She's got a point," Pinkie remarked. "Nothing spices things up like a bit of shoujou ai."

"B-but I don't swing that way!" Rarity squeaked.

Trixie laughed. "It's free love, Diva. Don't you practice what you preach? Now pucker up for a thermonuclear smooch!"

"That sounds...uh, dangerous?" Rainbow Dash muttered.

Gilda snorted derisively. "Right, ‘dangerous'. Get your wings down, Dash."

Oh man, oh man, I'm so conflicted right now, Spike thought. I should stop this, but... "Uh, Twilight?"

"Don't worry, Spike. This is just the right place for a sudden distraction," Twilight said. "Suddenly the ground starts to shake, and all of you struggle to keep standing. The pavement cracks and breaks apart, and a terrifying creature - well, terrifying to anyone but Mane Agery - ascends, throwing debris about."

Gilda groaned. "Dude, you're gonna fight a monster too? Am I ever gonna get to join in or what?"

"Of course!" Twilight said. "This is your very own introduction. See?"

"Oh?" Realization hit the griffon. "Oh! Right, that's me! I'm big and awesome! Hah, yeah." She scratched her chin in thought. "I was just gonna walk up to the others the usual way, but this is pretty cool too."

"You're welcome," Twilight said wryly. "So, a monstrosity resembling nothing so much as a dozen dragons mashed together in weird ways bursts from the ground, and looms over the Manehattan cityline. What do you do, Gilda?"

"I shoot my-- wait, how big am I?" Gilda asked.

"About the size of the Statue of Friendship, by rough estimate," Twilight said, smiling amiably.

"But we never put that on her character description," Rainbow said.

Twilight just shrugged, still smiling. "Spike and I agreed that your power package wasn't really complete without the Monster Out power. You're regular-sized normally, but can get big, at which point you're also super-strong and super-tough."

"You...you gave me more powers?" Gilda said in disbelief. "You thought my character wasn't awesome enough?"

"I'm sorry?" Twilight said, still smiling. "Did I step on your artistic vision? Don't you like it?"

"I...dude, this rocks! I definitely like it!" Gilda protested. "Thanks!"

"Ah, but Gilda's missed a very dangerous sign," Discord whispered to Fluttershy. "The GM is smiling. That's never a good sign..."

"Can we get back to the plot now?" Trixie asked sharply. "Is the big ugly thing going to be a problem, or can Bright Light get back to getting her stellar convergence on?"

Gilda smirked. "You know, I was going to just rampage a bit, but I think I just spotted a great target for my fire breath. She's up in the statue crown, right?"

"So Gilzillathulu unleashes her atomic fire breath--" Twilight began.

"Awesomic fire breath," Rainbow corrected.

"--on the viewing deck, and everyalien up there," Twilight continued. "Diva, Hungry, Wings, Bright, roll to dodge."

"Hey! Watch it, Gee!" Rainbow protested. "Sheesh. Nine. Yeah, I tumble out of the way and fly down the stairs. I try to reach the others."

"Friendly fire, Dash," Gilda chuckled.

"Ten! Successful dodge!" Pinkie cheered. "I'm just not where your fire is, Gilly. Me and the fire, we're through. That fire ain't my friend, see?"

"Drat, a four..." Rarity moaned. "Wait! I can add my ‘Get down and boogie' knack for a seven, and do a ‘Running Mare' out of danger."

"You're all safe, although the heat from the ato-- from the awesomic fire means you have to get out of there as soon as possible," Twilight declared. "Oh, wait. Trixie, what did you roll?"

"Sorry, Bright Light is too busy imagining all the magazine covers she'll appear on once the public finds out about her outrageous lifestyle," Trixie said. "She hasn't actually noticed the monster yet."

"...Okay, you take the full brunt of the blast," Twilight said. "Gilda, roll a die to determine damage."

"Five. Is that a lot?" Gilda asked. "I mean, I know you can't really kill anyone in this game, but my fire should be hot enough to melt down the statue, right?"

"You cause irreparable damage to a historical landmark, and Bright Light vanishes in the conflagration." Twilight paused for a moment. "Well, I say irreparable, but we all know it'll be back to normal the next week."

"I blame the writers," Discord said. "Talentless hacks, with no respect for continuity."

"Alright, ya weirdos, simmer down," Applejack said. "We got a big baddie who's wrecking the city an' tried ta roast our friends. An' Bright."

"Well, what should we do about it?" Discord asked. "Scream like badly dubbed neighponese extras? I think I missed my cue for that earlier."

"Hah! What can you do?" Gilda laughed. "I'm invincible! And awesome! Awesomely invincible! And invincibly awesome!"

"Oh, you just had to say that," Trixie mumbled. She smirked. "Bright Light steps out of the fire, covered in soot stains and with her clothes almost completely destroyed but for a few strategically placed shreds, but otherwise unharmed. Hey! Tall, dark and hideous! Eyes front!"

"Huh? Didn't I destroy you?" Gilda asked. "And can I even hear her from here?"

"Sadly, much like her player, Bright Light is very difficult to ignore," Rarity said. "She's got that kind of voice."

"And I've got an internal temperature of ten thousand degrees, you monumental eyesore," Trixie replied with a smug grin. "I've met fancolts whose body odor hurt more than your breath!"

"Rghh..." Gilda growled. "I guess I'll just have to crush you under my foot, then! You may be fireproof, but you're as tiny as a flea...and just as annoying!"

Trixie looked towards Twilight. "Twilight?"

Twilight nodded. "Go ahead."

"Yesss!" Trixie crooned. "Okay, I leap off the deck, and then as I fall, I...expand..."

"What the flying feather...?" Gilda hissed.

"Wait, she's got that power too?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Isn't that a cop out?"

"It's kind of the other way around, since she shrinks herself down to pony size," Trixie said. "She's just scaling herself back a few ticks, but nowhere near full size. Just about Gilly's size should do fine."

"And besides, Mane Agery could probably pull the same trick," Twilight added. "If she wanted to."

"I, uh, I'll stay out of it for now," Fluttershy said quickly. "Maybe if things get really bad..."

"Now who's tiny?" Trixie crowed. "You made a big mistake tonight, you stop-motion reject. I was going to get some--"

"In your dreams," Rarity muttered.

"--And you wrecked it! So now I'll have to wreck you!" Trixie declared.

Rainbow Dash nudged Gilda in the side. "So, you're about to have a giant monster one-on-one throwdown across Manehattan, against an opponent who's immune to half your arsenal and has an ego massive enough to make mountains look like molehills. Is this awesome enough for you?"

Gilda looked at her, and then at the leering Trixie. Then she grinned and cracked her knuckles. "Let's find out."

Author's Note:

This is a group-story/addventure/chain-story/round robin, fanfic 'story' of the Mane Six Plus Spike playing Dungeons and Dragons/Oubliettes and Ogres, with occasional guest players (like Trixie or Gilda), with Spike and Twilight rotating as Dungeon Master. It's intended to be an IN-CHARACTER comedy.

Each post should be more self contained, if say (in game) Twilight is fire balled by a Mimic in one post in a desert pyramid, the next post can have them sailing a ship encountering seaponies siren expies, each one containing a short joke, or an extension of a previous scene if that's what the poster wants. Time skips, flash backs, the ponies rotating different characters and campaigns, are all allowed (and ENCOURAGED) as long as the ponies stay in character (such as Pinkie Pie NOT fireballing a cabbage sales stallion and saying she thought he was a demon, thank you very much).

Pinkie Pie, "And pretty please do not take anything personally! It's just a game!"

Rainbow Dash, "What did you say!?

What's you post in the comments, it's then copy and pasted into the fic above, have fun.
IMPORTANT: WHEN MAKING A SUBMISSION POST IT AS A NEW COMMENT!


Session 8.0 MtangaLion (addition at end by Ardashir)
Session 8.1 Richforce
Session 8.2 MtangaLion
Session 8.3 Kendell2
Session 8.4 Alex Warlorn
Session 8.5 Kendell2 (Note; the Comet Kingdom is a Composite of the Comet Empire and Zeon, so I imagine the mecha mentioned resembling one of Zeon's.Also, I intentionally misspelled Zonder as Zondor, because I couldn't think of another name for them that's different enough.)
Session 8.6 Clacksphob
Session 8.7 Alex Warlorn
Session 8.8 Kendell2
Session 8.9 SomeRandomMinion
Session 8.10 Ardashir with little bit on the end by Alex Warlorn
Session 8.11 Mooncalf99
Session 8.12 Mooncalf99
Session 8.13 SomeRandomMinion
Session 8.14 Mooncalf99





Cover art by Lightningtumble.

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