• Published 2nd Sep 2015
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Ponies and Dragons (Just Have Fun) - Alex Warlorn



A peek at various times of the Mane Six, Spike, and friends, all play Dungeons and Dragons/Ogres and Oubliettes, Paranoia, Call of Ponythulu, Toon, an adaption of themselves, and just about every other role playing game under Celestia's sun.

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Session 2

Session 2.0 (Kendell2)

"Wait..." Fluttershy asked, eyes wide. "There's a module about us?"

Twilight nodded, the board all set up. "Yes, my brother pulled some strings with an old friend of his, it'll be being sold soon! The first module is about Nightmare Moon, extending it into a fantasy adventure."

Pinkie Pie giggled, looking at herself on the box. "Cool!"

"Oh yeah! Now this is my kind of game!" Rainbow Dash smirked.

"Are we going to get paid for this?" Rarity questioned. She was thankful Shining's friend hadn't shown her as an overly sexualized amazon or something.

"Yeah, as soon as it's in production we'll get royalties."

"Alright, sounds good tah me! So who's game master?"

The six ponies blinked, looking at one another, for once all of them wanting to be players, given it was their own story.

Session 2.1 (Alex Warlorn)

"Like me, duh." Spike said matter of fact. "Considering I was ASLEEP for that adventure." He gave Twilight the stink eye.

"You're a BABY dragon Spike, you were asleep on your feet as was," Twilight said.

"Well, now I get to be master of your fates that night! Also, after we're done with this adventure, we can play the next module." Spike held up another box, this one showing Rarity in a dress with a coned hat with a veil, wailing to be saved surrounded by burly diamond dogs. Charging towards them was a manly man version of Spike carrying a lance riding on Twilight.

"Help save Sir Spike heroically save the helpless damsel Princess Rarity from the great and terrible Diamond Dogs?" Rainbow Dash read the description.

Rarity said politely. "Me thinks there were some creative liberties taken with that module."

"Didn't the Diamond Dog Kingdom demand a recalling of that module and a formal apology since it was enforcing negative stereotypes of their people?" Twilight asked.

"Well Diamond Dogs aren't the bosses of Equestria and we have a right to be entertained how we wanna be," Spike grinned.

Session 2.2 (Ardashir)

"Him say Diamond Dogs violent barbarians that make slaves of ponies? Is insult! We dig into company office and drag nasty-bad pony off to work in mine forever as punishment!"

"Not helping, Rover."

-


"Okay," Rainbow Dash said. "But then we do THIS one next." She triumphantly set down a module before them. On the cover was a picture of Dash, bearing both the Wonderbolts and a gaudily made-up Rarity to safety from their fall.

"Oh dear!" Rarity blushed. "They made a game about that little, ahem, boo-boo?" She picked up the module and read it. "'Save the noble Wonderbolts and that grandstanding publicity hound Rarity' -- WHA-AAA-AAT? Rainbow Dash!" She gave the laughing pegasus a glare that promised death. "Is this supposed to be funny??"

"Yeah, Rares, sheesh," Dash laughed. "We know better and anypony who ever bothers to read the official account will know better. What's bugging you?" She snickered. "I mean, just because they made you look like a circus clown..."

"It was stage makeup!"

"Umm, you really did look better without it, though." Fluttershy blushed at Rarity's glare. The unicorn only relaxed when her friends nodded.

"Humph." Rarity snorted. She looked at the piled modules. "Wait, how many of these things are there?"

"Ooh, here's another one!" Pinkie Pie snatched one up with a cover depicting a blue unicorn mare with a wizard's hat and cloak, facing off against a giant bear made of stars. "'Play the Great and Powerful and not in the least Egotistical Trixie as she saves Ponyville and the hapless Element Bearers from a problem created by Twilight Sparkle's miscast spells'?"

Twilight's eyes went wide. "WHAT?"

"Gee, Ah wonder who was the consultant on that one," Applejack said as she looked at her character sheet.

Session 2.3 (Alex Warlorn)

The modules had come with pregenerated character sheets of each of the Elements of Harmony. While Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie had voted to swap them around for fun's sake, the others wanted to stick to themselves for now.

"HEY! Mah Intelligence is NOT an 8!" 0 was for mindless, 1 for raw instinct, 2-3 for animal intellect, while 10 was considered average, and 18 for genius.

Rainbow Dash sniggered. "I dunno! Sounds generous to me!"

"Please forgive me Applejack dear, but your formal education is wanting," Rarity said politely.

"They better have given me a Dexterity of 25 or higher." Then Rainbow Dash frowned. "What the-?! Why is my wisdom a 7?!"

"Yer right, that is might generous!" Applejack laughed.

"My intelligence is 20 but my wisdom is only 10?" Twilight said looking at hers.

Spike shrugged. Seeing nothing wrong with that appeasement.

"Oh look Rarity your Charisma is 18!" Pinkie Pie smiled.

"Of course darling."

"And mine is 20 and Fluttershy's is 22!"

"WHAT?!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Pinkie Pie," Twilight said looking at the pre-gen character sheet of her. "Do you have ANY stats that are below 15?"

"Well, I can juggle and rid a unicycle at the same time, I can organize the biggest parities in the country, I'm friends with every pony in Ponyville, I know to laugh your fears away and how great it is to smile, I worked on a rock farm, and you girls have said I have the strongest stomach out of us, so really I don't see why I should." Pinkie Pie said innocently.

Everypony groaned.

Session 2.4 (Alex Warlorn)

"And the brilliant, witty, and handsome Time Lord disables the Imperial Dalek's master computer while humming a merry tune." Said Time Turner from behind the screen.

"I thought we were playing a fantasy setting," Lyra admitted.

"We were," Bon Bon whispered frowning darkly.

"Did my last spell get through to the aliens yet?" Octavia asked.

"Sorry, your bard spell has no effect on them, it seems your only chance is to buy time for the Time Lord."

Vinyl Scratch 'said' nothing. She merely waited patently until the alien space-ship was blown up along with the alien invaders in the land of Doctoria, and her werewolf/unicorn/sorcerous was carrying Octavia's 'exterminated aristocrat/bard' promising Octavia she'd get her resurrected at the next temple of the goddess Rose they came to. Derpy insisted her rogue kept giving the goddess statue the stink eye.

Vinyl Scratch horn glowed, displaying a picture of her character and Doctor Hooves PC GM. Running him through.

"You-YOU WHAT? Well, he just regenerates even more good looking, and ginger, and-"

Vinyl Scratch character tied him up while was regenerating, threw him into a pocket universe travel bag, tied it up, and tossed it down a well.

Doctor Whooves just started for five minutes before saying, "Uh, would somepony else like to Dungeon Master?"

Session 2.5 (Ardashir and Alex Warlorn)

Fluttershy gasp-squeeked at the skills listed on her sheet.

"Oh, this can't be true!"

"What's wrong, dear?" Rarity looked at her own sheet. "They didn't say something offensive, did they? Not like -- WHAT!" Rarity glared. "'Can use Bluff skill for seduction'? And '+4 when in full vamp mode'?? Are they saying that I use my nothing but my looks to manipulate stallions?" She looked up. None of her friends looked her in the eye, seeming vastly interested in the floor or walls. "Girls, you can't believe this is true! I also use my wit, my charm, my sense of class..."

"Uhh, what was wrong with your character sheet, Fluttershy?" Twilight grinned, hoping to head off the furious unicorn.

"It's just..." She turned crimson and handed it to Twilight.

"Oh! I can see what the problem is." Fluttershy turned even redder as Twilight read from the sheet. "Maxed-out Diplomacy and Intimidate? '++4 on Diplomacy to appear cute and helpless, +4 on Intimidate when friends threatened'? Reputation as loveliest non-alicorn mare in Equestria?"

"Well, it's kinda true," Applejack said. "Remember how them stallions used to visit town just ta try and get a date with ya, 'Shy?"

"I do. I still get fan mail from lonely stallions and colts from my modeling career days," Fluttershy pinned her ears back, embarrassed. "Some of those letters get so steamy, and this will make it worse."

Rarity glared and ground her teeth in fury. "Twilight dear, I want to have a talk with that friend of your brother. Look at these disadvantages he gave me! 'Vain'? 'Greedy'? A 'Social Climber'? Hmmph!" She tossed her mane back with one hoof. "How could anyone look at moi and see a vain mare?"

Rarity, "And greedy, GREEDY?! Is THAT why you wanted me to play a 'rogue?' "

"No, because you're the cunning one..." Twilight answered.

Fluttershy peaked. "Um...generosity is still a 'strength', Rarity."

"I mean seriously! If I'm greedy what does that make Suri?!"

"A jerk," Rainbow Dash replied.

"Rainbow Dash has 'pride' listed as one of her flaws," Applejack pointed out. "Doesn't mean that means you don't have STRENGTHS."

"Sorry girls," Rarity sighed, "It just seems like I'm constantly being compared to Suri as of late. And shouldn't 'greedy' and 'generous' cancel each other out from a game perspective?"

"Only if they're equal," Twilight replied. "Generosity must outweigh greed."

Rarity grunted. "I should certainly hope so! I still find this character flaw an affront and am going to demand a revision be released."

"What's 'bipolar' mean?" Pinkie Pie asked innocently her nose to her character sheet.

"Uh, let's just play!" Spike said sweeting.

Session 2.6 (MtangaLion and bit by Alex at the end)

Pinkie Pie bucked Twilight's door open, trotted into the library backwards with a basket balanced on her nose, then flipped the basket onto the table without spilling a single cupcake. "Hi, girls! Sorry I couldn't be here last time!"

"It's alright," drawled Applejack. "We got Big Mac to fill in for ya."

"He was really something," said Rainbow Dash, lounging on a miniature cloud. "Heh, I nearly busted a gut laughing at all those puns. And that speech!"

Pinkie Pie froze, making a sound like she'd stepped on a squeaky toy. "Huh? Puns? Speech?!"

"Yep!" said Twilight brightly. "Spike asked him how he'd convince the Diamond Dogs to let Rarity go, and he actually gave a speech in-character."

Pinkie twitched. "But, Big Mac doesn't..."

"Doesn't what, darling?" said Rarity.

"You know!" cried Pinkie, waving her hooves. "He never says anything but..."

Fluttershy peered closely at her friend. "Pinkie Pie, are you feeling alright?"

"You know Big Mac," said Twilight, chuckling and shaking her head. "Once he gets going, you can hardly shut him up. Spike actually gave him extra experience points for roleplaying so well."

Pinkie started giggling uncontrollably. "Oh. Oh, I get it! We're doing the Morn thing! Heehee! Did you know this was coming?" The camera started to pan away from her, but Pinkie lunged and grabbed hold of it, looking it right in the eye. "Did YOU know this was coming? ME NEITHER!"

AJ learned towards Twilight. "Ah know she's Pinkie Pie and all, but Ah worry about that filly sometimes..."

And AJ said to her pink friend, "Pinkie Pie, my brother talked to me in full sentences when he was telling me how stubborn I was being for trying to buck the entire orachard by myself."

"Well, I guess that WAS before his character was flanderized."

"Flander-what?"

"Oh nothing."

Session 2.7 (Kendell2) (As with the post that started this.)


"Alright, we've got our high tier weapons, the best armor, and a lot of potions of various types," Twilight said, laying out the plan.

"Yep, and even got a weapon with an advantage on the undead," Applejack replied. "This is an undead dungeon, right?"

"Skeletons," Spike, the game master, pointed out.

"Alright, let's go already! Enough prep work! We've spent like three or four sessions setting it up!" Rainbow Dash replied impatiently.

---

"Wait...what the..." Rainbow Dash said, jaw dropping as she looked at the little marker on the game board, a little blue flag marking the dungeon.

They'd been sharing the campaign setting with Trixie, Gilda, and her friend Greta (who visited along with her) whenever they visited. When the Bearers conquered an area, they marked it with a rainbow colored flag, when that trio did they marked it with bllue flags.

"Uh...looks like Trixie beat us to it..." replied Rarity, causing Rainbow Dash's eye to begin twitching.

"...What?!"

"...We didn't call it..." Fluttershy quietly pointed out. "They didn't know..."

"We spent WEEKS prepping for this and the dungeon is already cleared! Now what?!"

"Uh..." Spike did several checks. "There are a group of Chaotic Cultists are holding a dark ritual outside."

"Fine, whatever, let's settle for them," Rainbow Dash replied with a huff.

---

"What?!"

The group had managed to put down two of the three Clerics, and the Knights they summoned, but the last one managed to wipe them out at the last minute while they were dealing with the last Knight.

"Rare spawn," Spike noted.

"Who decided to put those in?!" Rainbow sighed.

"You did."

The pegasus face faulted. "Uh...quick! Put on enchanted golden apples and let's finish the guy off!"

One eating of the enchanted golden apples, the group rushed back to where they died before...before Spike finished calculating damage.

"Uh...the guy died..."

"WHAT?!" Rainbow asked, then coughed, robbing her now sore throat.

"Rarity stabbed him and has a 'bleed' skill. He bled out..."

"So we...just wasted our potions?"

"Uh...yeah..."

Rainbow Dash proceeded to slam her head into the table.

Session 2.8 (BrutalityInc)

"What sort of module is this?" Twilight asked, as she read through the papers and maps Shining Armor brought with him, "This doesn't look like any module I ever heard of."

"You wouldn't had. This is a home-brew campaign that I and my buddies back in Canterlot cooked up." Shining Armor explained. "8-Bit is currently planning to have this published as its own game with its own Role-Playing System, but we're sticking to O&O 3.5 for now."

"Seems quite ghastly from the looks of it; not the game itself, mind you." Rarity said, examining the cover-page Point-Dexter designed, "'Terrornauts: Enemy from the Depths'. I don't presume this is a horror game?"

"No, it isn't. Basically, the premise is that you play as members of an international paramilitary organization, Terrornauts, established to protect the world from attack by a mysterious and hostile subterranean civilization, the Chthonians."

"That sounds like something out of G.I. Mustang and Pony-Former cartoons!" Rainbow Dash noticed, her excitement apparent, as was that of Pinkie Pie "If that's the case, then I'm all in for it!"

"That was actually where we got the idea from for the campaign; we loved the two series back when we were kids." Shining Armor confirmed with a smile, happy to see another fellow fan. Then he returned to explaining the game "Of course, we gave it a serious, deconstructive and realistic spin on it. It's less of a game and more, as Point-Dexter likes to put it, a 'Planetary Defense Simulator'. There's two separate layers in the game: A tactical layer where you get to play as elite soldiers that travel the world, fighting the Chthonians with the latest armor, weapons and magic the combined resources of the modern world could develop. And a strategic layer, you get to play those who run the organization: directing missions to intercept Chthonian attacks, researching to understand the enemy, researching finance, and develop new technology and weapons for the fight."

"Oh, now this sounds like a great game!" Now it was Twilight's turn to be interested. Seeing all the gazes by her friends "What? How often do you have a deep and immersive game like this?"

"Be advised, though, this may be a tad more challenging than your usual O&O campaigns." Shining Armor warned, suddenly sounding very ominous, "Thanks to my consultation for all things warfare related as a Royal-Guard-Captain-turned-Prince-Consort, we made the game such that is is military science fiction in its most unrelenting form. You are fighting an alien empire more far more advanced in science and magic than modern Equestria, meaning you'll start out very out-classed facing enemies far more powerful than your characters. Combat will be frantic, random and intense. You will feel the weight of command as you are forced make tough choices. You will have to balance the needs of many nations who would not like financing someone who couldn't protect them. Thunderlane was worried that the game may be a bit too... hardcore, in terms of difficulty, especially for most normal players."

"Come on now, sugar-cube. Yer makin' it sound like we can't handle too much action." Applejack brushed off the stallion's warning with a wave of her hooves "Like Pinkie said before, we faced Dark Magic, Monsters and Evil Overlords on a yearly basis. How hardcore could this possibly be compare tah 'em?"

= = =

"The Assault Transport Airship is arriving at the location." Shining Armor said from his place at the DM panel, giving the mares the mission brief. "The area is a deserted rural town. Magitech sensors detects no enemy combatants, but be on alert for possible hostiles. Eliminate all enemies in area to win this mission"

"Alright, this is our first tactical mission, and a night mission at that too." Twilight said to the rest of her friends. "We don't know what our characters would be facing, but I think if we do this carefully, and stick to our preliminary plans - !"

"My rookie pegasus soldier hot-jumps out of the airship!" RD cries out, "Let's go kick some under-worlder flanks!"

"Cornsarnit, Rainbow Dash! You had one job!" Applejack exclaimed, annoyed at her friend's impulsiveness.

"Your rookie soldier flies out of the gondola... and is immediately caught in a crossfire between two bright, crimson arcane beams, firing from hidden vantage points of the buildings that you can barely see in the dark." Shining Armor said "Roll for evasive!"

So it was, less than five minutes into the campaign, Rainbow Dash's rookie became the first of many, MANY Terrornaut casualties in what would become a very hard and desperate struggle against a ruthless and very competent adversary bent on conquering and destroying the surface world.

The rest of the mission only went downhill from there.

Session 2.9 (Alex Warlorn)

The Mane Six sat at Sugar Cube Corner. Around the round table, unhappily eating their cupcakes.

"Well, that... that wasn't so bad." Pinkie Pie uncharacteristically meekly offered.

"'Wasn't so bad?' We were dying every five minutes in that game of your brother's Twilight!" Rainbow retorted.

"So were we in Trixie's Paranoia Structure campaign darling," Rarity said simply.

"At least we were having FUN dying every five minutes!" Rainbow retorted.

"Ah was dyin' every two minutes with Trixie," AJ grumbled.

Twilight was going over papers and graphs with little study glasses an a pencil behind one ear. "Girls, I've crunched the numbers, and the truth is, we simply can't win. We're technologically, numerically, and logistically inferior to the Chthonians on every front. Combined with the simple reality that BBFFF is naturally better at military tactics than any of us combined with real-life fighting experience, we can't tactically out maneuver them either."

"Are you saying your brother rigged the game?" AJ asked.

"NO! BBFFF would never do that!" Twilight slammed a hoof on the table. "What I'm saying is, how we've been playing, even if we reign in Rainbow impulsiveness, Fluttershy's, er-"

"Fearfulness?" Fluttershy offered.

"Let's go with that. And the like, the best we can really hope for is a pyrrhic victory."

"We're going to use psychic powers?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "No Rainbow, I mean that Equestria and the rest of the world will be in such bad shape it might be easier to let the Chthonians conquer the planet and then stage a rebellion."

"No way," AJ said firmly.

"I know I had to learn when to fold them when I had Tank's first winter with me, but not this time." Rainbow Dash.

The girls looked at each other.

"What?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity gave her most diplomatic smiled. "Rainbow Dash darling. Please understand. We know you have to keep dates and schedules straight in order to manage Ponyville's whether team, you wouldn't still be Weather Team Captain if you weren't good at it. But please, remember when Pinkie Pie forgot her own birthday, our mare who remembers everypony else's birthday without fail?"

Rainbow shuddered. "I remember meeting her 'special friends'."

"I remember. I was so swept up in Gummy's birthday it slipped my mind."

"So please understand this isn't a put down of you. But you seemed to have forgotten something important."

"What?"

"Dash, you had a winter with Tank already, remember? More than one! Remember the Hearth Warming Eve play in Canterlot? That was AFTER you got Tank! And it certainly wasn't AFTER I became a Princess over a year ago!"

" . . . Oh yeah . . ." Rainbow Dash blushed. "Heheh . . . I guess that slipped my mind too."

"Now, I didn't say we should just given in. The problem is that we haven't been trying to solve this fight the pony way," Twilight said.

"I don't think these guys are gonna stop invading the surface world if we offer them free cupcakes Twilight," Rainbow Dash said.

"I'd offer them cake, not cupcakes." Pinkie corrupted.

"All the same, that wasn't what I was thinking. I think I've discovered the perfect way to break my brother's game." Twilight smiled.

"'Break'? Isn't that mean Twilight?" Fluttershy asked worried.

"Fluttershy Fluttershy," Twilight grinned. "We're BBBFF's play testers, it's our responsibility to find any game breaking bugs or exploits. Now we will be able to do this only once if my brother is as smart as I know he is and he closes the door on the rules so we'll have to make it count."

"And it'll make a great funny story for the development phase when your brother's game becomes super popular!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Yes Pinkie Pie, that is absolute right." Twilight nodded.

"Twilight dear, have you been taking lessons from Trixie?"

"Now what would ever make you say that? Now let's get this great and powerful show on the road! Fluttershy . . ."

"Yes Twilight?"

"I'm afraid you're going to have to make some sacrifices in game."

-

"This is your new character?" Shining Armor asked, somewhat bewildered. "A sixteen year old filly from neighpon?"

Fluttershy nodded hiding her eyes.

"And you . . . maxed out ranks with in Diplomacy and Performance, and you put all your stat bonuses in Charisma? Are you sure you gave me the right character sheet?"

Fluttershy blushed and just nodded silently.

"Well, okay, I'm guessing you want to work a negotiator, or a propagandist, I didn't think you were into that sort of play style."

"Not quite BBBFF," Twilight said patting Fluttershy on the back.

"Rarity your characters include . . . dress making, choreography, management, special effects and- Girls are you sure you know what game we're playing tonight?"

"Oh most assuredly."

"We're just taking an original approach. The Chthonians have us out gunned, and out numbered, you said we'd need to be clever to win this. My character has maxed out ranks in decipher script, language, decoding, and the like plus researching captured technology."

Pinkie Pie offered. "And I've put ranks into pirate broadcasts, and-"

"WHAT are you girls planning?" Shining Armor exclaimed.

Twilight grinned with a glint. "Let's play and find out."

"Okay," Shining Armor said politely, "Just don't blame me if whatever crazy scheme born of desperate blows up in your faces."

-

"Excuse me? You what?"

"Having cracked the Chthonian codes, we broadcast Fluttershy's single across their communication waves."

" . . . The Chthonian are confused and befuddled, and change their communication codes, confused to why you'd utterly waste their chance to gather more intelligence from them."

"Actually Shining, I'd like to point out, the Chthonian have no real way to know what Fluttershy's newest single IS! It only makes sense they'd try their hardest to analyze it, listening to it over and over."

"Sure, fine."

Shining Armor was confused when the mare high hoofed.

"Stage one complete." Twilight declared.

"Now the real work begins darlings."

"Did you hide some kind of computer virus in that song or something?" Shining Armor asked.

"Oh no no no." Twilight said, "It's just a song. Fluttershy, now."

"Oh! Okay! Shining Armor, I make a performance and diplomacy roll to synchronize a heart song at my next performance between myself, my fans, and the Chthonians listening to my single."

"Now hold on! You can't do that!"

"Cadence did it with Chrysalis, and they hate each other." Twilight Sparkle pointed out.

Her brother shuddered remembering that song he'd been a smiling zombie for.

"Sorry big brother."

" . . . roll." He sighed.

-

" . . . The position you abandoned for the Chthonian to capture is taken with no causalities and minimal damage." Shining Armor sighed, a vein throbbing. "They find the data disks with Fluttershy's image and take them for further analysis . . . some unites in the recon squad taking some for themselves." Armor added feeling sick at the results of his own dice.

-

Dice rolled. When Shining saw the result.

"AAGGH! The Chthonian recon drone instead of self destructing begins dancing to the music of Fluttershy's concert too! He asks for your autograph afterwards! He addresses you as your Songstress!"

"Oh my." Fluttershy blushed.

Her friends grinned.

-

Shinning Armor slammed his hoof down, his little sister had had her fun, but now it was time to get this campaign back on track. "The Chthonian members of the the Cult of Fluttershy are publicly executed!"

"Which means they're now martyrs to the cause," Twilight reminded her brother.

Shining laid his head down and let out a garbled noise.

-

Some time later, miles away, Cadence swore she faintly heard her husband say words she didn't want him later saying around their foal she now carried within her.

Shining Armor shouted, "The Chthonian central command declares every Chthonian on the surface 'infected' by pony culture to be exterminated along with the ponies!!" Silence.

Shining Armor caught himself, realizing only now what he just said, what he had just DONE. "Uh, that is-"

"We'll gladly accept the disenfranchised Chthonian as fellow lovers of music and offer them to be peacefully accepted by the surface ponies."

Shining Armor looked like his face wanted to break in two vertically. "The . . . disowned Chthonian forces . . . accept your offer and offer in return a military alliance. Providing vast amounts of intel and technology."

--

=SDF Macross - Do You Remember Love?=

Between sobs of misery Shining Armor said, "Y-yes, your transforming mecha breaks through the Chthonian central command chamber as the all out assault of combined Equus and Chthonian troops and machines distract its defenses, and you have a clear shot of the Chthonian Supreme Command Brain."

"Howdy-hoo! I nail that sucker!" Rainbow Dash tossed the dice.

"It dies screaming cursing pony pop stars for ever existing!"

-

A broken stallion, Shining Armor whimpered. "The surviving Chthonian happily accept the offer to live in peace with the surface, and hold a concert in honor of Fluttershy, thousands cheer for the end of the war."

"There there BBBFF." Twilight said. "Your mistake was setting this adventure on Equus. I'll ask Sunset to give you notes on the world on the other side of the mirror, heart songs don't seem to function there as strongly if at all, which is what I really think is what you're looking for."

Shining Armor maturely accepted the peace offering. "Thanks Twilight."

"Now who wants to play Burrows and Bunnies next time?" Fluttershy offered politely.

Shining Armor raised his hoof.

"ME! I can't believe that happened, and I Dungeon Mastered it! You conquered a technologically and military superior enemy with popculture?!"

"It's the world we live in darling." Rarity said.

Miles upon miles away, Yearling, groaning at her publisher, Random Stable and TPR were asking for a joint venture in making Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny part of their 'Element of Harmony' campaign. She had explicitly used expy of Rainbow and her friends to avoid this mess! She got enough flack from her fans saying she'd dated the story by including them. There was a knock at her door.

She opened it find several changelings, all looking doe eyed at her, each holding a copy of the latest Daring Do. "I'll set up the signing table," Yearling groaned. The young changelings cheered.

Session 2.10 (MtangaLion)

Big Mac nosed his way into Sugarcube Corner's back room, puzzled to find the gaming table set up, but only Pinkie Pie present. "Hello? Am Ah early?"

"Nope!" said Pinkie brightly. "You're right on time! I thought we'd try a little one-on-one roleplaying..." The pink mare gave him a sultry smile and fanned her face with the dungeon master's screen. "... to get you over your camera shyness!"

Big Mac jumped in place, glancing from side to side. He lifted a big hoof to his mouth and whispered, "Miss Pie, Ah don't think we're supposed to talk about the C-A-M-"

"Don't worry about it!" Pinkie trotted away to Mac's left. He turned his head to follow her, and she startled him by nosing him on his right. "I never do. I really like hearing that big, deep voice of yours, and I want to hear a lot more of it!"

Big Mac blushed. "Well, Ah suppose we can try yer roleplaying treatment... but Ah've tried before and it didn't amount ta nothing'! Ah go an' get mah confidence up... Ah think Ah'm ready as Ah'm a-gonna be, and then suddenly Ah'm in the spotlight and Ah just clam up, and it's nothin' but eeeyup! and eeenope!" He snorted, grinding a hoof on the carpet. "It's just so frustratin'!"

Pinkie got right in his face, repressing a giggle. "Guess what?" She reached out, then pulled her hoof back with a piece of black electrical tape stuck to it. "The camera's been on the whole time, silly! I just stuck this over the little red light."

Big Mac stared. "Well Ah'll be!" He pondered this a while, then grinned, motioning towards the door. "Let's go fer a walk. Ah feel like singin'!"

Session 2.11 (Trooper924)


"Psst, Bon Bon," Lyra whispered to her roommate. "Do you know what's going on?"

Bon Bon suppressed an urge to give an exasperated groan. "Weren't you paying attention when Octavia was talking?" she whispered back. "It was only, like, five minutes ago!"

"Sorry, I was looking over the spells I could cast."

Back at game, Time Turner was carefully considering his options. "I look to the east."

"You see a wooden bridge running across a wide river off in distance," said Octavia from behind the DM screen.

"I look to the west."

"You see a large mountain off in the horizon, but otherwise nothing else of interest."

"We're at Dream Valley," Bon Bon quickly explained under her breath. "We're a band of heroes who've been recruited by the ruler of the land to find her missing general."

"Neat," said Lyra.

"I look to the south?" asked Time Turner.

"You see a large, foreboding forest. It looks dangerous and would be unwise to try to enter it."

Hmm...Hold on, I know how you work. I look up."

"You see several large, dark shapes circling ominously in the sky. They look too large to be birds."

"I rejoin the others and alert them to the creatures. And that's my turn."

"Lyra, you're up," Octavia said to the unicorn.

"I am? Cool!" Lyra rubbed her hooves together. "Okay, so scary dark thingys in the sky. I guess there's only one thing to do!"

"Please don't do anything stupid," whispered Bon Bon.

"I shoot a fireball at the thingys!"

"...like that."

"You have to roll the dice, Lyra," said Octavia.

"Oh, right." Lyra picked up the dice with her magic, shook it around a bit, and dropped it onto the table. "Um, 2. That's good, right?"

Octavia raised her eyebrow at the unicorn. "Your fireball goes wildly off course, fizzling out several meters from it's target. With a horrible screech, the creatures swoop down towards you and your companions. Up close, you realize that they are actually deadly stratodons with massive blood stained claws."

"Oh. So it's not a good thing."

"Nope. Everyone roll for initiative."

Session 2.12 (Kendell2)

"I disprove the Dark Wizard's magic using my logic skill. It violates at least nine laws of magic and therefore must be bluffing," Twilight said, sitting at the table, Spike as Game Master.

"Your logic is exactly right...but he tries to vaporize you anyway," Spike replied.

"What?! how?!"

Spike chuckled. "Your character is a dimensional displaced mage, her home world's magic runs on different laws, so all she did was make him angry."

Twilight blinked, looking at her character bio a look over. "...Darn it!"

Session 2.13 (BrutalityInc)

"No."

"No what, AJ?" Rainbow asked, confused.

"Ah don't wanna deal w' this." AJ said, her irritation apparent in her tone. "Ah can git that teh settin' is supposed tah be weird, but this is just plain silly."

"Applejack, darling, we're playing adventuring merchants in what Twilight calls a 'Ptolemaic universe', where solar systems are encased in giant crystal spheres floating in a substance called phlogiston, where travel between worlds involves sailing through the interplanetary void using magical sail ships." Rarity noted, "It does sound nonsensical, but it is hardly Discord's level of nonsensical. Even Twilight got comfortable and rolled with it after her obligatory astrophysics lecture."

"It's this 'ere space pirate we're fightin' right now..." AJ explained.

"So? We fought a few of them back in that Space Quest campaign." Rainbow Dash recalled.

"But this 'ere fella is a giant talkin' HAMSTER!"

Session 2.14 (Ardashir)

"Okay, girls tonight's game is going to be something special." Twilight smiled at her friends. A tray holding several drinks hovered nearby.

"It must really be special," Dash looked at the room, empty save for several pillows. "Where's the game books? The dice? The snacks?"

"Oh, we won't be needing those," Twilight began handing the drinks out to her friends. "We're going to be playing in Ravenloft again."

"Oh dear!" Fluttershy hid behind her wings.

"It'll be different this time!" Twilight set the empty tray down. "We'll be having a special GM for the night. You know how I've been talking to Princess Luna about catching up with modern pony culture? Well..."

"Wait, wait, now, Princess Luna is going to be running this here game?" Applejack looked wary. She looked sleepy, but shook herself and said, "Ah thought she was mad when those Artstable fellas did that 'new expansion' that made all our old enemies inta Ravenloft Darkladies, includin' Nightmare Moon."

"Except for Sombra," Pinkie said, stifling a yawn. "Because he's a stallion. Er, was, anyway." She shook her head, looking tired.

"She wasn't happy, until she read it," Twilight shook herself, looking sleepy. "She says that... showing her evil self as a lonely tyrant ruling over undead ponies and monsters, and tying to make living ponies love her night, as a game villain to be defeated, is for the best." She yawned widely. "Luna doesn't like the 'Evil is Cool' atmosphere Nightmare Moon gets from some ponies..."

"Dear," Rarity said, obviously fighting to stay awake. "Just where IS Princess Luna? And, why do we all feel so," she yawned, delicately covering her mouth with one hoof, "So sleepy?"

"Oh! That's because Princess Luna agreed to play the game as a collective dream with all of us!"

"WHAT?!?" Five voices called out as one, right before their owners crashed to the floor and began snoring.

Grinning -- this was going to be great -- Twilight joined them.

Six innocent mares slept on the floor of their usual game room as a familiar mocking and wicked laugh sounded over them.

"'Twill be a tale to remember, my dear friends!"


Session 2.15 (Ardashir and me)


"So these here critters got bodies like spiders, but heads an' necks like Quarray Eels, an' they can mind control giant four-eyed critters that tear ponies limb from limb. AN' they feed ponies ta their 'Great Old Master'?"

"Well, yes," Spike said as he examined the rulebook. He showed them a picture. "See?"

AJ shuddered. "Do the fellas that write these things ASK Luna for the worst nightmares she's got?"

"Oh, and when they reach old age, and senility kicks in, and begin giving confusing orders to their slaves, they inject their poisons several times into one, turning into a mindless eating machine that'll eventually split open and bring about the new generations." Spike said with a straight face.

Applejack said. "Ah'm gonna hug Granny Smith and tell 'her how much Ah love'er when Ah get back."

Session 2.16 (Alex Warlorn)

"Tea Time Of Ponythulu?" Applejack asked, looking at the cover that depicted a haunted house surrounded by a graveyard at night during a thunder storm. "Aren't these games cursed?"

Twilight Sparkle shook her head. "Oh Applejack, that's just a myth spread by the publisher to increase sales."

Rarity said, "Well darling, if it's set during the time of gentle stallions and high fashion it can't be all bad."

Pinkie said, "Don't worry, I have extra cupcakes in case we do summon monsters from beyond existence!"

Fluttershy looked nervous, "Uh, are you sure this is a good idea? Remember what happened with that Vampony game."

"I still insist, you turning into Flutterbat on the spot was a coincidence."

"That's not how she tells it."

Rainbow Dash shorted. "Okay I'll play, but if we all end up sprouting tentacles, I wanna be on top."

Session 2.17 (Ardashir)

"Girls, you forgot to ask if I wanted to play tonight!" Discord said as he slithered out of thin air. He glanced at the game box sitting before Twilight. "Oh, you girls want to see cousin Ponythulu? Well, then..."

"What? NO!" Six horrified mares leaped to their hooves, aghast, dreading what eldritch abomination the other eldritch abomination was about to unleash upon them.

And Discord tore the veils of reality, exposing the squamous cyclopean horror that was Ponythulu as he reached out with his non-Euclidean tentacles and...

Offered the ponies a pot of Earl Gray tea. Behind him a massive cake covered with one hundred and twenty five candles and done in a cat motif bore the legend, HAPPY 125TH BIRTHDAY LOVEY.

"Oh, company!" He burbled happily. "Tea, anypony? Discord, how did you know I was lonely? Nyarlathotrot is messing around in some other dimension again, Shub-Niggurath's not returning my calls," he waved a tentacle at a painting of a female black goat amid trees surrounded by a thousand young, "and Azathoth never says anything sensible. But pardon me young three-dimensional ladies? Some more Earl Gray? Perhaps a slice of cake?"

Quietly (save for Pinkie Pie, who was as bouncy as ever), the ponies accepted the cake and tea.

"Um, so Twilight," Dash said after taking a bite of her cake. "How is this even possible?"

"Just eat the cake," Twilight said softly. "And later we'll try to forget all of this?"

Session 2.18 (BrutalityInc)

"You know, I never really got into giant robots." Soarin said, taking a bite from his slice of freshly baked apple pie. "Sure, I loved those military sci-fi shows and books when I was a kid, but giant robots that fights monsters or other giant robots? Not so much."

"What makes you think that? I thought everypony loves giant robots when they're young." Rainbow Dash asked, curious, even as she prepares to roll her dice. She turned to DM, "I use the power-up roll of my action dice last turn to have my giant robot Aero-Guard fires a full salvo of missiles towards the giant Queen Vespa."

"They stretch my willing suspension of disbelief past my limit. And that's even before I learn enough military matters to know they make for some very appalling weapon systems." Soarin explained, after swallowing his food with a gulp, "They're so tall they make easy targets that can't be hidden in cover. Robot legs are so complicated it makes the robot slow compare to wheel vehicles, and makes it easy for them to fall over. All the complex machinery to make them work also makes them more expensive and less reliable. And you'll probably need to power it with a potent power plant, which would undoubtedly contaminate the area with magical or radioactive fallout should the robot ever get blown up."

"Em, Sir, it's your turn." Fleetfoot reminded him. The DM was looking at him with an annoyed expression.

"Oh yes, right." Soarin looked at the results: Rainbow had fumbled the rolls of her game dices, power dices and even the boost dices, meaning her GLOBAL DEFENDERS faction's Aero-Guard had done little more than chipping a few points off the giant monster of his VESPA HORDE faction. He, on the other hoof, have saved up enough power-points from previous power-up rolls for something special. "I use my previous power-points to shift my giant Queen Vespa to Ultra Form."

"Aww nuts." Rainbow muttered, realizing her predicament. With no power-points left, she'll either have to use her next turn as a monster turn to move her Aero-Guard out of the way, leaving her own minion units of battle tanks and combat gyrocopters to be minced by Soarin's giant Ultra Queen Wasp, or do another power-roll and hope her giant robot, already at half health, survives the mincing instead.

"You make them sound so ridiculous, sir. Weren't you gushing about space fighters all the time?" Fleetfoot remarked, even as she makes a unit dice roll for her ELEMENTAL LORDS faction and tell the DM her next move, "I move forward my wind and water elementals to cover my damaged giant Earth Golem."

"That's different, Fleetfoot." Soarin defended. "I KNOW all the arguments against space fighters amongst the geeks in the Wonderbolts, and they are legit, but there are a few situations and few ways you can still make them work. Hay, they even made a hard science fiction tabletop game based entirely around how you can make them work. Giant robots? You can easily take them out with an artillery barrage, a big explosive mine, or even as simple as wires wrapped around their legs carried by fast-moving pegasi. You'll get more putting cannons and armor on tractors and make tanks, then building giant military robots. I simply can't find a situation for them where they could actually be useful, even for fighting giant monsters."

"Actually," Spitfire, at the DM seat, interjected, "A giant robot WOULD make for an effective anti-monster weapon."

"How's that, madam?" Soarin asked, incredulous.

"One word: Dominance." Spitfire said with a grin. "Many of these giant monsters, like those hydras, quarry eels and astral beasts we face in Equestria, or like those giant monsters in this game we're playing, usually regard ponies with the same regard as we ponies to ants: we're nothing but insects to them. Sure they'll respond to us attacking them when they rampage through our cities, but they'll just swat us aside with utter indifference. They won't care about us, they won't respect us, and they won't be deterred by us or our attempts to stop them from destroying cities."

"I don't see how giant robots come into this. Besides fighting them, that is." Rainbow Dash asked, missing the point.

"Because they're big, they know that the only thing that could remotely resemble a threat to them, is another monster as big as they are." Spitfire clarified, "And a giant robot plays perfectly into that expectation. Giant monsters are still animals, driven by instincts, and in the wild, animals would often fight for dominance over food, mates and territory."

"Just like two hot-headed stallions fighting over a mare, or who gets the top of the bunk, or the last slice of pizza." Fleetfoot analogize, ignoring Soarin, who merely rolled his eyes and snorted. "One usually backs off when they know they aren't strong enough to win, so winner takes all."

"A giant robot would be another rival of their calibur to them," Rainbow Dash continued, finally comprehending, "And if the giant robot beats the giant monster and puts it in its place, it'll learn to stay away from its territory, to not provoke it, thereby keeping them away from us!"

"And finally, there's the fact that giant robots are very, VERY cool. I heard even Princess Luna gushed about it when she asked if we had invented robots yet. I think as long as our some of our superiors keep mistaking coolness for effectiveness, giant robots are still going to get their funding." Spitfire finishes. Seeing Soarin nodding in understanding, she turn her attention back to the table. "Now come on, then, back to our game of Kaiju Armageddon! The city of Oat-saka isn't going to destroy itself in your three-way monster battle of dominance!"

Session 2.19 (MtangaLion)


Shining Armor had just gotten the preview copy of his new campaign module back from the publisher, and he wasn't a happy stallion. "What is this?! Marecross: Do You Remember Friendship? I can't believe they took Twily's play through and ran with that! I *wanted* a gritty tough-as-nails hard-science war campaign!" He grabbed the campaign book more tightly in his magic, tempted to rip it to shreds, then settled for tossing it on the table.

Rainbow Dash scooped it up and started leafing through it idly. "Whoa, check it out... This giant Zentroti warrior looks just like Cadence."

Shining blinked. "Let me see that..."


Later...

Cadence smirked at the campaign book. "You want me to use my Alicorn magic to shapeshift into a hot giant alien?"

Shining Armor blushed. "I'm sorry! I couldn't un-imagine it!"

The Princess of Love put a hoof over her husband's muzzle before he could apologize again. "I like it! Orion slave mare and Prench maid were getting kind of old."

"La la la!" sang Twilight Sparkle, sitting at the gaming table three feet away. "Not listening! Go talk about that stuff in your own castle!"

Session 2.20 (JLBarnett and Alex Warlorn)

The fact that the Elements of Harmony and the Royals of the Crystal Empire were role-players had gotten out recently and numerous companies had sent new games or new editions of old games to them hoping to get a review or a blurb that could be used for promoting them.

That meant that when the Cutie Mark Crusaders decided they wanted to give gaming a shot, but wanted to do their own thing, there were plenty of untried games to wade through.

'What's this?" Sweetie Belle asked, "Rise of the Caribou..."

It was yanked out of her grasp by Twilight's magic. "You're not old enough to play that. We're not old enough to play that, in fact Princess Celestia isn't old enough to play that." It was quickly stuffed in a trash can.

Looking through them they found several based on their own addventures. "Harmony vs Equality," Rainbow Dash read then snorted derisively. "I can't believe they've already got one about that stupid Starlight."

"Fires and Friendships?" Apple Bloom read.

"That one's kind of a rip off of O&O but it's got a definite time frame. It's set just after the founding of Equestria and it's main idea was there was someone keeping the Pony Tribes separated." Shining Armor explained it.

"The Seventh Element, The New Elements..." Scootaloo read tossing a couple aside.

"Hey, those sound interestin," Apple Bloom said, "what are they about?

Scootaloo picked them up and gave them a quick read through. 'Okay, the seventh Element is about needing the power of a lost Element of Harmony. THe New Elements have a couple of types of game you can play."

"The Elements wouldn't have worked if there were seven,"Twilight observed floating the book over to her. "What! This is completely wrong! Listen to this. 'The Elements of Harmony may be used by any sized group from two to seven, as long as they are friends and free from mental alterations."

"So, they think the reason it didn't work the first time you tried them on DIscord was because you were discorded, not because I was there instead of Rainbow Dash," Spike said.

"I guess so."

"Hey, this new Elements game does look pretty cool," Scootaloo said. "We can be you guys, or a new group after something bad happened to you, or a second group because Harmony isn't limited to one group of ponies or you can create your own new Elements."

"Well . . . Luna and Celestia were able to use the Elements together, and Celestia was able to use the Elements all by herself. So Ah don't really see the problem with that." Applejack admitted.

"And I thought darling it had to do with Discord using his to break our FRIENDSHIP... I thought Spikey-Wickey didn't work because we didn't care about each other at the time. I'd say Spike fits the definition loyalty quite well."

Spike blushed.

And Pinkie Pie smiled. "And Twilight, wouldn't you say our rainbow power is an evolution of our Elements of Harmony?"

"Well, in the spiritual sense, I guess yes."

"Well then, didn't Sunset Shimmer add a seventh Element to the group on Earth to help you beat the sirens? So doesn't that mean there really ARE seven Elements?"

Twilight opened her mouth with a perfectly logical and rational retort... found she had none, crossed her eyes, and began giggling.

The next day a knock on Friendship Crystal Castle's door by Rarity was greeted by Spike.

"Hello Spikey Wickey, is dear Twilight alright?" Rarity asked.

"Oh, she's just recovering from having her world view derailed, at least this time she didn't burst into flames. I think she's actually doing good." Spike answered glancing at where Twilight and Pinkie Pie having a little one on one session.

Behind the Dungeon Master Screen, Pinkie Pie said, "The nearest Grump scowls disapprovingly at your Twilight, you take 14 points of unhappiness, reducing your happiness points to 43."

With an odd look of innocence in her eyes, Twilight cheered. "I counter-attack with a BIIIIG hug!" She rolled the dice. "Critical!"

"Whoa! You reduce the Grump's Unhappiness Points to Zero, and he becomes your friend."

"Yippie! We'll get the rainbow berries to princess Rarity no problem!"

Spike looked at the cover of the game book again. The title was Crystals and Rainbows Generation 3.5 It depicted a blue and rather pose and proper version of himself, along with a pink and rainbow haired filly version of Rarity on the cover.

"Where did you say you got this game again Pinkie Pie?"

"Oh, just from some very dear friends."

Spike noted a little text on the inside of the book that read. Will be your dearest friend even through reboots --love, Minty.

Session 2.21 (Kendell2)


"I roll to smash the evil Black Knight with my tail," Spike announced.

A grayish-scarlet teenaged sized dragon with pink hair and a blue underbelly did the calculations for the villain. "He puts up a barrier but your dragon's strike slams him into the side of his castle. He counter attacks with his sword of hellfire."

"I do a saving throw for Spike!" called a voice from outside the window. A single massive orange claw came through the window and gently flicked the dice to roll it. "What I'd get?"

Mina did the calculations. "Your dragon's scales endure the hit, but you take 20 points of damage."

Twilight knocked on the door and entered with a big bowl of jewels. "Enjoying your game?"

"Yep! It's so much fun to play a game were the dragons are the good guys!" Mina chimed in.

Twilight then blinked, looking out the window. Outside was a giant orange dragon with purple feathered wings and brown hair. "Uh, Weatherbe is it, Rarity got a cart of gems from the Diamond dogs for you, it's on it's way."

Weatherbe had been a dragon Mina had introduced Spike too, but having a giant dragon over for O&O was quite the experience.

"Thanks, Princess Twilight," replied Weatherbe, the huge dragoness giving a smile.

"Welcome."

Mina nodded. "Alright, next move?"

Session 2.22 (BrutalityInc)

"Girls, I went through the stuff I had stored in my sister's attic, and you will NOT believe what I found!" Sweetie Belle was filled with excitement as she hoofed over a slightly worn and dusty game box to the other Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"What's this?" Babs Seed asked as she examined the cover of the box, which had an illustration depicting a bunch of cute, fluffy animals running out of a film reel with goofy expressions on their faces, except for a mad-scientist like pony who for some reason was fearfully hanging onto a rocket, flying out flying out with a blazing trail. "'Animania!'? Is this a tabletop game rip-off of Bunnies and Burrows where you play as cute, fluffy animals?"

"Oh, no, it isn't! I've heard of this one." Scootaloo said, "The 'Ani' in Animania doesn't stand for 'Animals' - it stands for 'Animation'. In this game, you get to play as a cartoon character, who could be a cartoon animal, going about in slapstick adventures like you would find in a cartoon world."

For some inexplicable reasons, all four fillies suddenly felt a profound sense of irony. They ignored it and turned back to discussing the game.

"Ah didn't think that yer big sister would play that sort o' game." Scootaloo remarked as they opened the box. "She doesn't look like somepony who enjoys 'em slapstick, unlike Discord."

"I guess it's sort of... what did Twilight said it was? Yes, 'guilty pleasure'. Everypony LOVES cartoons when they are young." Sweetie Belle replied, going through the cartoon characters figures, boards of wacky and colorfully illustrated settings and manuals. "I guess she grew out of it as she got older, but only mostly. She couldn't get herself to bin it out of attachment, but she didn't want anypony knowing either. At least, that's what I think; which might explain why I found it inside a metal box with a broken lock, buried underneath a huge pile of fashion magazines and old fabric."

"Not me; never really got into cartoons. At least, not the loony kind; mine's more the animated superheroes kind, like the Power Ponies." Babs Seed said as she went through the manual.

Her eyebrows raised with incredulity at what she read, "It says here, cartoon laws and cartoon physics applies in a cartoon world, with the golden rule being the rule of funny. Your character can march across ravines and canyons without falling due to gravity if you failed a Smarts Roll, meaning that your character didn't notice they are walking on thin air. Your character automatically come with a hammer-space, with capacity increasing as you level up, and can use tools of any size stored within that ponies in real life can't even wield. You can create passage ways through obstacles not by magic or explosives, but by drawing it with paint and brush; you can damage your foes while at it if he or she runs into it and slam themselves into the obstacle at high speed. And that's just the first few items on the list of cartoon powers our characters can use!"

"And look at teh weapons we'r goin' tah be using." Applebloom said as she looked at the section 'CarToon Wars', "Homin' cream pie missiles? Jelly-bean machine guns? Instant wall mines? Extend-o-boxing-gloves? Soot-face fuse bombs? Seriously, gals, this game is wacky."

"So how about it, girls? This game is practically made for us!" Sweetie Belle pleaded.

"I dunno, Sweetie." Scootaloo said with uncertainty, "I'm all for it, but we'll need a very good DM to have a campaign, or cartoon series as the game says, that would feel like a cartoon. We're going to need some-pony that knows what it's like to be in a cartoon inside and out. We're going to need - "

"PINKIE!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed as she popped out of a small sealed canister containing the dice, which she promptly pulled out of her mane and placed it in-front of the startled fillies, "Hiya, girls! I'm having a break from my baking right now, and I over-heard you need a super special DM for this super special board-game. I just happen to know what's it's like to be a cartoon character; well, maybe it's because I am one, but that's only - "

"Well, Applebloom, it looks like this game is going to get very weird, very fast." Babs Seed quipped to Applebloom as Pinkie Pie rambled on.

Babs didn't know just how right she was.

Session 2.23 (MtangaLion)

Spike cackled, kneading his claws together. "Duke Under Hoof says, 'Remember our agreement, Princess Twilight! You will become my bride, or my guards drop your friends into that boiling lava!"

Twilight looked through her cards, thinking fast. "I pretend like he's beaten me, but actually I'm using my magic to loosen Rainbow Dash's bonds."

Spike looked doubtful. "He'll see you casting."

"I try to keep the glow dim, and the bridal veil is hiding it too."

If any of them had looked out of Twilight's second floor crystal window, they would have seen strange mechanical invaders roll across Ponyville's main square... then rapidly retreat from a squad of angry ponies. Big Mac bucked one so hard, its rotating top fell right off. Vinyl Scratch and Octavia rode a giant synthesizer console into battle, their harmony and pounding wubs causing enemy robots to spin in confusion and explode.

Rarity played a card. "I sneak through the shadows and render the guards unconscious without Duke Under Hoof noticing."

Pinkie played three cards, barely able to contain her excitement. "And I prepare my awesome party surprise to distract him!"

Meanwhile, Derpy Hooves dodged laser beams with wild, unpredicatable midair spins and dumped buckets of tree sap all over the invaders. Mayor Mare used obscure regulations and a small catapult to literally bury them in paperwork. Bon Bon and Lyra appeared in matching spymare catsuits, spinkicking one alien machine after another in a perfectly synced dance. The alien spaceship attempted to take off and retreat, but then the Doctor appeared, red scarf blowing in the breeze. The sonic screwdriver in his raised hoof made one of the landing gear collapse and the whole vessel fell over and crashed.

Fluttershy stole a glance at the window. "Shouldn't we..."

AJ smiled. "Eeenope. Ah reckon they've got it covered."

Session 2.24 (Ardashir)

"Okay," Babs said. Nightmare Loon needs that bit of Unobtanium to make the Equis-Blasting Ray on her spaceship work, right? So I just swim down for it..."

"WHAT!" Twilight Sparkle wasn't playing in the fillies' TOON game, but since Pinkie was gamemastering it she hung around to keep an eye on things. Just in case of lunacy like this. "Girls! I'm not trying to tell you how to play, but space is a vacuum! You can't breathe or swim in it, I..."

"Princess, I mean Miss Twilight," Babs said, "didn't you say that Princess Luna compared space ta 'an endless ocean'?" Twilight nodded warily. Babs then turned to Pinkie Pie. "An' didn't you say that if we FAILED a Smarts roll, we could do stuff we normally couldn't even in a TOON game because we didn't know no better?"

"Right-a-roonie!" Pinkie said with a smile. "That's how Scootaloo's character was able to run through the fake tunnel Nightmare Loon painted on the wall. And how Sweetie Belle cast a Summon Ghosts spell to scare her even though ghosts don't exist." Apple Bloom shifted her eyes a bit. "It's amazing what you can do when you don't know that you can. Like bees and flying!" She ignored the way a vein started to throb on Twilight's forehead.

"Well, then," Babs rolled the dice. "Hah! I failed! I swim down to the spaceship an' then I swim right back up ta our lunar balloon!"

"How can you fly a balloon on the Moon?" Twilight asked, feeling her grip on reality fading.

"Easy-peasy, Twi," Pinkie said. "They just hold their breath, duh."

Twilight went to the window and hung her head out with a groan. Outside, a new, evil faction horde of sapient apples that had tried to invade the town was being finished off by hundreds of very hungry ponies. Their desperate please buried under the crunching jaws of hungry equines.

Twilight glared at the scene before her and asked nopony in particular, "Why does this seem more realistic than what I just heard?"

Session 2.25 (Alex Warlorn)

Discord popped in. "Oooh, a game that can drive Twilight Sparkle crazy? I'm in!"

Sweetie asked, "But Discord, I thought you were DONE with being evil... again." The fillies had not forgotten how their friend had turned evil on all of Equestria, only turning back when betrayed by Tirek.

"I am! I am! I mean 'crazy' as entertainingly irritated! I swear!" Discord waved his limbs frantically. "I swear I'll be the best Animator at this game imaginable!"

"I think they're rather this toon game NOT turning a LARP Discord." Twilight said.

"What's a LARP?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Something you don't need to think about!" Twilight said hastily.


Session 2.26 (MtangaLion)

Discord hovered over the gaming table, grinning like a used cart salespony, while Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo read their "Journal of the Unexplained!" character sheets.

"I don't understand," said Sweetie Belle. "We're roleplaying... ourselves?"

"It's quite simple," explained Discord. "Foalishly simple, in fact! These characters are you girls when you're a few years older, with the potent new powers and abilities you've learned."

"Neat!" cried Scootaloo, buzzing her small wings. "What kind of powers?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Discord shrugged. "Instead of, you know, actually reading the pieces of paper that I painstakingly magicked up and placed in your adorable little hooves... but I digress! You, Scootaloo, have a flying cutie mark, and you've been trained in the use of powerful wing blades by Rainbow Dash herself!"

Scootaloo gasped. "Ooh! Is this the kind of game that magically sucks you in and makes the game real?"

Discord blinked. "Um... no."

"Can it be? Please, puh-lease!"

Discord folded his mismatched arms. "Hmm... sorely tempted... but no." He swooped over to the next filly. "Next, Sweetie Belle has an uncanny mastery of dark magic for her tender age, and a cutie mark that allows her to start Heart Songs at will..." Sweetie's eyes grew wider and wider. "AND, a cute otherworldly familiar who alters reality at her whim!"

Apple Bloom was practically bouncing in her chair. "What do Ah get? What do Ah get?!"

Discord waved his talons dismissively. "You get a complex, because you don't have any cutie mark or special powers... YET!" The draconequus whipped out a script. "You see, here in chapter 27..."

Immediately, a huge anvil fell and squashed Discord flat. Then a second Discord, the one native to this universe, appeared in a flash. "Spoilers, sweetie."

Sweetie Belle stared. "Huh?"

"Not you. I was making an obscure reference." Their Discord conjured a dimensional portal and levitated the squashed Discord to toss him in. "Don't mind him, he was just leaving."

Session 2.27 (Alex Warlorn)

Apple Bloom gave Discord the puppy dog eyes.

"Oh please, Fluttershy's stare can't effect me, what makes you think that will work?"

Scootaloo caught on and joined in.

"Girls, just because I'm Chaotic Neutral now instead of Chaotic Evil doesn't mean doesn't meant I'm about to break the dungeon master code."

Then Sweetie Belle added her sad puppy dog eyes.

"I!!! Agh! Fine! But enjoy that while it lasts, when you're an adult, that just looks creepy, unless you're Fluttershy."

"What about Pinkie Pie?"

"And Pinkie Pie."

"And Rarity."

"And Rarity."

"And-"

"I said fine! Apple Bloom, you have a magic eye that functions as both a permanent True Seeing, and Aura Sight, and Detect Lie... but it's also slowly turning you into a Nightmare."

"... Do Ah get to keep playing my character, or does she become an NPC when it happens?"

"You... get to keep playing her."

"COOL!"

Author's Note:

Session 2.0 (Kendell2)
Session 2.1 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.2 (Ardashir)
Session 2.3 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.4 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.5 (Ardashir and Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.6 (MtangaLion with couple lines added by Alex)
Session 2.7 (Kendell2 with edits)
Session 2.8 (BrutalityInc)
Session 2.9 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.10 (MtangaLion)
Session 2.11 (Trooper924)
Session 2.12 (Kendell2)
Session 2.13 (BrutalityInc)
Session 2.14 (Ardashir)
Session 2.15 (Ardashir and a bit by me)
Session 2.16 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.17 (Ardashir)
Session 2.18 (BrutalityInc)
Session 2.19 (MtangaLion)
Session 2.20 (JLBarnett and Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.21 (Kendell2)
Session 2.22 (BrutalityInc)
Session 2.23 (MtangaLion)
Session 2.24 (Ardashir)
Session 2.25 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.26 (MtangaLion)
Session 2.27 (Alex Warlorn)
Session 2.28 (ArcanissSupreme)

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