Session 5.0 Mooncalf99
"Wings crashes through three newsstands, one pane of glass carried by two stallions, a cabbage stand, and the brick wall side of the flower shop," Twilight declared. "You're launched from your cockpit and pass out on a bed of roses with a traffic cone on your head, and will be Bonked for ten rounds. I bet you're glad this game doesn't allow for dying."
"You betcha!" Rainbow Dash announced proudly. "It means I get to do all kinds of crazy stuff and not have to worry about consequences. More importantly, is this enough of a distraction?"
"It's got to be," Rarity said. "Like, that was heinous to the extreme!"
"With that and Diva's impromptu dance act, it's more than enough, and the Mares In Black are too busy gawking to pay attention to their prisoner. I'm guessing Hungry makes her escape now?"
"You betcha!" Pinkie said. "I gnaw off the lock on the wagon door... om nom nom..." She tossed a hoofful of jelly beans into her mouth for effect. "Ooh, raspberry flavor! And then I run off, making woop-woop-woop noises as I go."
"I think this is an excellent opportunity for me to introduce Mane Agery and Bright Light to some traditional Equestrian forms of greetings," Discord said. "Specifically, how you say hello by kissing."
"Wait wait wait!" Trixie protested loudly. "What the - what - just what?"
Twilight facehoofed. "Don't tell me. Fake Out?"
"But of course," Discord said. "As an actual Equestrian pony, native to the very world that is considered the epitome of coolness by all other alien species, I would obviously know all about how we do it. So, kissing. Totally cool. Great way to make friends. You should do it."
"Oh, okay then," Fluttershy said calmly. "That makes sense to me, so I greet Bright Light the Equestrian way."
"Please please please tell Trixie you're not still shapeshifted into the monstrosity with all the eyes and mouths..." Trixie whimpered.
"Wings?" Twilight said. "Take two more Bonk from the pain of being soundly upstaged."
And Later Still Into The Game Session
Twilight picked up a half-dozen figurines and dropped them on the table. "The school science lab explodes, and you're all thrown out across the campus. You land on the lawn and take one Bonk each. What do you do?"
"Well, another disaster thanks to little Miss Stellar Object here," Discord snarked.
"Hey!" Trixie protested. "The Radiant and Incandescent Bright Light had no idea those canisters contained reactive substances! The labels said they were safe!"
"Well duh!" Rarity said. "'Inert when refrigerated', baby! That means 'cool', and your hooves are, like, a million degrees hot, right? I'm just glad I'm wearing my asbestos bellbottoms."
"And a good thing too, because those flammable materials seem to have mixed with some of the experimental mutagens in the lab," Twilight said. "Now, a gigantic monstrosity made of fiery tentacles rises from the rubble and lets out a keening cry."
"We have experimental mutagens in a High School science lab?" Rainbow Dash asked in disbelief. "Oh wait, what am I saying? Of course we do."
Fluttershy let out a gasp. "It's adorable! I think we have beasts just like it back home. Can I try to talk to it?"
"Better idea, let's throw Brighty at it and it might think she's its mommy," Pinkie suggested.
"Even better idea, get to the roadster and get out of here!" Trixie 'suggested'. "Besides, Bright Light is too young to start a family at this point! She has her idol singer career to focus on!"
"Unfortunately Wings' roadster is still in decontamination quarantine after your encounter with the negative zone care bears," Twilight informed them. "The only vehicle within range is… well, the school bus."
"We'll take it!" Rainbow said. "I haven't yet found a vehicle I can't push into sub-luminal velocities!"
The table's eight occupant, having been silent so far, cleared her throat. "Ahem."
"Ah, yes…" Twilight said happily. She was really warming up to this game, once she'd gotten over the insanity hurdle. "It seems like somepony has other ideas. Go ahead and introduce yourself, Applejack."
"All right, ya varmints!" Applejack barked. "Ah'm Upperclassmare Crimson Tape, student body president an' hall monitor fer life, an' ah've had it with yer antics! Yer not skippin' school on mah watch!"
"Bitchin', it's the fuzz," Rarity muttered. "Seriously, we've got a monster on our tails, and you want to bust us for truancy?"
"Fraid so, sugarcube," Applejack said with a smug grin. "Way I see it, y'all troublemakers need some good, old-fashioned discipline to straighten y'all out, an' ah'm the pony fer the job."
"Great…" Rainbow Dash groaned. "Trust AJ to play a buzzkill."
Discord tapped his cheek. "That seems fair, Miss President. Just a question, though. Are you, by any significant margin, bigger than us?"
"Uh, what?" Applejack asked, confused. "Don't think so, ah'm just a reg'lar earth pony. Why?"
"Just making sure," Discord said. "GRAB HER! GET ON THE BUS!"
"Waugh!" Applejack protested.
Session 5.1 Richforce
“Shinning Armor and Point Dexter found this game where?” Rarity asked Twilight.
“They said the pony who runs Enchanted Comics found this in his basement and that he thinks it was from when the previous owner tried his hoof at game making.”
“This isn’t gonna be like that Power Ponies comic we were dragged into?” said Applejack.
“Well according to the notes left behind it isn’t a total immersion, more like that we can see what our characters are doing while we play.”
“This isn’t another dark and grim one is it?” said Fluttershy.
“No but from what they could tell none of the previous play testers had ever finished a full campaign of ‘The Tale of the Bard’. Shining hopes that our ‘game breaking experience’ will let us finish it so Point Dexter can try to market this game.”
“Tale of the Bard? That class isn’t over powered is it?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Because if Pinkie chooses it she’ll throw off my awesome balance!”
“Actually it isn’t available for players,” said Twilight. “The name seems to come from a NPC that we will accompany that magically acts on his own. Our job is to help The Bard complete his quest to save an imprisoned princess.”
“Sounds like your basic story,” said Spike. “But it looks like the GM gets a special character like that too, someone called ‘The Narrator’”.
“Oh you try him out Spike!” said Pinkie. “Something tells me he’ll REALLY make this game fun!”
“Ok, most of the other characters seem to be your basic O&O classes so once you have them picked out we can get started.”
+++
As they set the game pieces on the board after set up the Mane Six saw their characters around the scruffy looking Stallion known only as the Bard. They stood before a high tower in the middle of pouring rain. Suddenly a voice rang out from nowhere.
“It had come to this at last. One stallion, a poet and a rouge, with no friends to speak of, no one to mourn his passing, should it come to that. Even those beside him are no more boon companions than bondservants summoned by sorcery and song, as cold and indifferent to him as the light of a wandering star.”
“Who was that?” asked Applejack.
“I think that was the Narrator,” said Spike.
“Bondservants?” asked Rarity.
“But I want to be his friend!” said Pinkie.
The Tower door opened before them and a large number of robed ponies came out armed with sickles and staffs.
“You’ve made a mistake in coming here,” said the one in the lead.
And at that word they rushed the party who readied their weapons and spells for an action packed battle.
“But to know where he is,” said the Narrator. “We must know where he’s from and to know that we must begin elsewhere…”
The scene changed to a bright sunny village.
“Hey, what happened to that awesome battle?!” said Rainbow Dash.
“Sorry RD,” said Spike “That was just one of those ‘in media res’ prologues.”
“I hate those! You get hyped up and then set back. Then by the time you finally get to where you were you’ve forgotten all about it and it suddenly makes the danger you were in feel artificial!”
The Narrator continued. “And not that long ago. A simple Stallion he was, with a quick wit and a sharp tongue, an eye for the mares and a talent for staying one step ahead of the law. Come to Trotton to play his tunes and make his way. He found himself standing outside the Drunken Rat, a public house owned by the widow Very Easy. The Bard readied his instrument and prepared to ply his trade.”
They saw the bard play a tune on a lute that summoned a rat from thin air. The rat then ran under the pub’s door squeaking. A second or two later they heard a mare’s scream as the Bard soon followed.
“Girls,” said Twilight. “I think this is one of the satirical games made to poke fun of the usual conventions of the genre.
“And that means?” said Fluttershy.
“Prepare for cheesy jokes, ponies behaving sarcastically and pretty much everything you know about this sort of game turned upside down.”
+++
A few hours later the Spike and the six where somewhat having a good time, though it was by no means easy. The Bard was far from the most heroic pony they have seen in a setting like this, his only motivation for coming to the aid of others was the idea of a reward, either financial or a night with pretty mare. Still he usually was punished for bad decisions more often than he got a break, not that it made Pinkie or Fluttershy feel better. But they did enjoy when either him or the Narrator, who seemed to dislike the Bard as well, pointed out how something they usually took for granted in these games didn’t really make sense.
“My favorite’s still when the Narrator pointed out how absurd it was for a wolf to just drop a bunch of loot he couldn’t have been holding or have eaten and said he was going to skip whenever that would happen next!” said Pinkie.
“I still prefer when the Bard pointed out to those bronze ponies that if they really wanted to keep us from using a lever to open a gate they should have put it behind the gate,” said Fluttershy.
“Girls I’ve been thinking,” said Rarity. “Are we doing the right thing here?”
“What are you talking about?” asked Applejack.
“Well, the way the quest has been given to us is that we need to find instruments the Bard plays to open three towers, climb to the top of each tower and defeat the tower guardians to break the seal on Princess Enchantra.”
“That’s what the narrative book said,” said Spike. “Then you can enter the last tower to free the princess herself.”
“Well we’ve cleared two towers so far but when we broke the first seal animals were rising from the dead and attacking villages, then when we broke the second ponies were rising as zombies and except for that one village that the Vikings took over everypony was forced to take refuge in the city of Whinny.”
“You think they are connected?” asked Rainbow Dash. “I doubt it, probably just those cult ponies stepping up their game after we kicked the guardians’ flanks.”
“Rarity brings up a good point,” said Twilight. “What about all those colts that each claimed that they were ‘the chosen one’ that we only see when they were either about to die or as corpses?”
“Don’t remind me,” said Rainbow. “Every time we see one we’re soon treated to that annoying ‘It’s Bad Luck to be You’ song by those Satyr brothers.”
“Well the Bard is the real chosen one isn’t he?” said Fluttershy.
“But where did they get that idea?” asked Applejack. “You’d think if those monks tried to get others to do this they would be honest and tell us.”
“Yeah that would get the Bard moving,” said Rainbow. “Hey if you do this for us the princess here will make you rich and make you her stud, oh by the way the last three guys we asked all died horribly. With this guy the quest would end right there.”
“Maybe it’s a plot twist,” said Spike. “Still I’m sure if you girls do your best you can save the princess AND restore the land to what it was.”
“Hey ladies!” they heard from the figure of the Bard. “This haggis monster isn’t going to kill itself, as much as I would like it to, maybe you could stop clucking like hens and LEND ME A HOOF?!”
“Oh right the haggis monster,” said Twilight. “Well we just have one tower left so let’s go for it!”
+++
One tower later the seal was broken and the land seemed to be covered in a never ending rainstorm. Brought to the final tower by a flying flaming manta ray and almost sent back to the beginning when the story got caught up with the prologue and a ‘bad luck song’ directed at them directly the band of heroes ascended the tower until they reached the final floor.
“Ahead you see the majestic Alicorn Princess Enchantra held by an energy field above a crystal,” said Spike. “Next to her you see an older stallion with strange tattoos and piercings and carrying an old a gnarled staff.”
They sure enough they saw their characters in front of the alicorn with a mane made of sunlight and a coat in a rainbow of colors.
“My champion,” Enchantra said. “At last I can look upon your face.”
“You’re even more beautiful in person my lady,” said the Bard. “One moment and I shall free you from your prison.”
“You are such a fool Bard!” said the elder druid.
“And may I know the name of the stallion who thinks me a fool?”
“Don’t listen to him,” said Enchantra. “He’s the one who’s been trying to kill you.”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow. “We’ve noticed.”
“My duty is to stop anypony from unleashing evil upon the land,” said the druid. “And you are that pony.”
“We’ve been fighting this evil to set the princess free,” said the Bard. “So she can send you and all your demonic friends back to Tartarus where you came from.”
“A place that she is very familiar with since that is where she’s from. She’s the ruler of these fiends you speak of, she is from the very bowels of Tartarus itself!”
“I know she can be a little bossy but that’s no reason to be rude,” said Fluttershy.
“He lies!” said Enchantra. “Kill the wretch!”
“You’re not helping your case here,” said Twilight then turned to the druid. “Are you insinuating that princess has something to do with everything that’s been going wrong with the world?”
“Your leader’s betrothed there is the direct cause of it all!”
“Now you’ve gone too far,” said the Bard. “She’s not my betrothed!”
“My love do you not see what he is doing?” said Enchantra. “This is his last desperate attempt to stop you from setting me free! The minions he set upon you have failed, so he’s resorting to telling you desperate lies. Please don’t let him confuse you, he’s the one behind all the evil that assails the land.”
“I will fight you if I must,” said the druid. “But she is the enemy not I. She’s been playing you for the fool.”
“I’m not stupid,” said the Bard. “There’s no way this mare is the root of all evil. Look how hot she is, for crying out loud.”
This got a collective groan from the six.
“You have eyes, yet you do not see. You have ears, yet you do not hear, you have a brain but it is located in your…”
“Let’s keep this rated PG.” said Pinkie. “Why don’t you get straight to the point?”
“Enchantra has been held captive here since the last time she attempted to cover the land in darkness, a thousand years ago. It took the power of four mighty unicorn wizards to defeat her and entrap her here ensuring that her reign of terror was ended. All this time she’s been looking for a stallion, a ‘chosen one’ if you will to set her free so she can rule again. I’m afraid you’ve all been only pawns in her game… ones she surely dispose of once set free.”
The Bard snorted. “This is why I hate dating.”
“My darling,” said Enchantra. “He speaks half-truths. I was imprisoned here, not by wizards, but by four demonic warlords. You have seen some of them and vanquished them yourself. It was I who defeated their armies, although I was weakened by doing so. After the battle they trapped me here while they rebuilt their forces. They will rule this land forever unless you kill him and set me free.”
“Listen,” said the Bard. “I think I need to sleep on this.”
“You must choose now my friend,” said the Druid. “Time is running out.”
“Look inside your heart love,” said Enchantra. “Set me free.”
“The time had come,” said the Narrator. “The Bard was forced to choose and he knew he had better choose wisely.”
Spike spoke up. “The Bard turns to each of you for advice. You each must provide your best argument on whether or not to free the princess. Be warned for his choice will determine who your final foe will be and how this adventure will end should you prevail.”
“Woo doggy that’s a pickle,” said Applejack. “Well when I think back on them poor ‘chosen one’ fellers something tells me that we could end up the same way. I think we can trust the Druid.”
“I disagree,” said Fluttershy. “I’m sorry but if she really was as evil as he said wouldn’t the druids have tried to warn us first instead of attacking? She’s only been nice to us and they’ve been the meanies, we have to set her free.”
“I sincerely doubt she’s a real princess,” said Rarity. “I mean a true princess is a lady and the way she offered herself in exchange for her freedom is very unbecoming. Doubly so since it’s to the Bard of all ponies.”
“Oi, I resemble that remark!” said the Bard.
“Sorry, but the fact is that a true princess would ask us to it because it is the right thing, not for some reward. We should trust the Druid.”
“Well a lot of ponies are in trouble,” said Pinkie. “But I haven’t seen the druids do anything to warn the townsfolk or keep them safe from the monsters. If they are really the good guys they would at least TRY to help everypony. We have to free the Princess, it’s the only way to make the land smile again!”
“Well looking at the evidence we’ve come across so far it seems pretty strange to me,” said Twilight. “Usually in these sorts of quests breaking a seal like that should have made the land go from cursed to healed, but we’ve seen the opposite effect. Something isn’t adding up, I think the druid is telling the truth.”
“Come on!” said Rainbow. “This adventure has been all about turning expectations upside down. For all we know that land getting rotten could have just been these guys stepping up their game to stop us, making us think we’re doing harm in order to get us to turn back! This guy is the only one who tried to kill us so I think the choice is obvious, kick his flank and save the princess!”
“Well we better come to some sort of consensus,” said Twilight.
“All right… I made my choice,” said the Bard.
“What?!”
“Well you all presented your arguments,” said Spike. “The rules didn’t say you had to AGREE on a choice.”
“Well it’s about bloody time,” said the Druid.
“Don’t get too excited,” said the Bard. “I didn’t choose you.”
“You choose Enchantra?!”
“I didn’t say that either.”
“Tell us my champion,” said Enchantra. “Whom did you choose?”
“A very logical choice…me.”
“You chose you?” said Twilight.
“Exactly.”
“What does that mean?!” said Rainbow. “What kind of choice is that?!”
“As far as I’m concerned? An excellent one.”
“But what about our future?” said Enchantra.
“Well let’s look into our crystal ball, shall we? If I fight either one of you, I could be dead. If I kill one of you, and it’s the wrong one, I either end up with Tartarus on Equus or in a relationship from Tartarus, literally. So fighting is really a no-win situation.”
“Even if that fighting can save life as we know it?” said the Druid.
“I’ll let you two figure that out. In the meantime these undead aren’t a bad lot really.”
“I should have known he’d do something like this,” said Rarity with a furrowed brow.
“This is unacceptable you miserable little rat!” said Enchantra. “You will free me and you will free me NOW!”
A dark energy washed over the alicorn and in a few moments in her place stood a demonic centaur that could pass as a female version of Tirek.
“I will rule this land and you will be at my side!”
“Ok we have a bad guy!” said Rainbow. “Battle formation!”
“There’s a twist,” said the Bard. “I’m intrigued… and oddly aroused…but uh, I’m afraid I still choose to walk away. Good luck and oh, don’t forget to write.”
The Bard turned back the way he came.
“But the varmit’s right there!” said Applejack. “Come on girls!” But at that moment they felt an irresistible pulling sensation. “Oh right, bound by sorcery and song, forgot about that.”
The six reluctantly turned around with him.
“Come back here you disloyal coward and bow before your queen!” yelled Enchantra.
“Come back here you weak minded fool and kill your queen!” said the Druid.
The Bard turned back for a moment. “You two have serious control issues, you realize that don’t you?”
The voice of the Narrator boomed out once again. “And so the Bard took the short and narrow road, otherwise known as the easy way out, to the nearest bar.”
The six were in a dingy bar with the Bard who was speaking with a serving wench.
“Who says the undead don’t know how to party?” said the Bard as a number zombies break danced nearby.
“He’s right!” said Pinkie who was dancing along. “Maybe afterwards we can make that music video I thought up!”
The Narrator continued. “The plight of the world obviously far from his mind, which by all accounts only has room for money and mares, the Bard enjoyed his drinks with his newfound friends. Until that is…well that is another story.”
“See, he made friends after all!” said Pinkie. “A happy ending!”
The game at an end the six were looking at Spike. “I know it might be a spoiler but what would have happened if we got him to actually pick one?” asked Twilight.
Spike looked over the booklet. “Needless to say you would fight whoever he didn’t choose. If he choose the princess, er demon queen, she would have surprisingly kept up her end of the bargain giving the Bard everything he ever wanted. At the expense of the rest of the world of course.”
“And if we got the ‘good’ ending?” asked Rainbow.
“He would have redeemed himself in the eyes of the druids, but would have gone right back to summoning rats to get free drinks out of pubs.”
“In other words he nearly caused the end of the world and learned nothing,” said Applejack.
“Yup.”
“I take it you aren’t going to have Point Dexter sell this are you?” said Rarity.
“Well, I admit it won’t be for everyone,” said Twilight. “But if you don’t take it too seriously and have a sense of humor about it I could see ponies having fun with this. I mean not everything has to be totally nasty or be serious about teaching a lesson. Sometimes it’s fun to just be able to laugh at something."
“You sure said it!” said Pinkie.
“I don’t think I’ll be playing this game again,” said Fluttershy. “Still I wonder who made this game.”
+++
In another dimension Discord was holding a hand mirror while lounging on top of a pile of 1957 Plymouth convertibles. “That’s right Twilight, sometimes we need to laugh at ourselves.”
“He he he, you said it hansome!” replied his reflection.
Session 5.2 Alex Warlorn
"So.... " Rainbow Dash asked looking over the weird game box. It seemed to have just mountains and mountains of monsters on the cover. "What is this exactly?"
"Well," Spike admitted, "Since nopony claimed copyright on the Bard game that Poindexster found in his basement, it automatically entered the public domains. It doesn't really use the original's game system. In this is more classic style of terms of interactivity but---"
"But what?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"It's a modified versions of the 'Oubliettes, Oubliettes, and more Oubliettes' engine. Basically as long as you can justify it and it doesn't contradict anything already put into play, you can do pretty much anything."
"COOL!" Rainbow and Pinkie Pie said at the same time, the other shuddering to think what overpowered horrors these girls would bring into play.
"I..." Fluttershy sighed. "I really don't want to play that setting again."
"I thought it was fun," Pinkie Pie said.
"I'll admit it was an interesting romp, but not my cup of tea for a second go," Rarity said.
"Meh, Ah might be willing to give it another go," AJ said.
"Well, it might be interesting to see how they interpret it," Twilight thought aloud.
"As long as it isn't another-" Rainbow Dash shuddered. "-political game, I'm all for it."
The girls shuddered and nodded too. After the last time, the girls had solemnly swore to steer clear of any more politically based games, the experiences with THAT game had pretty much forever tainted their ability to enjoy that particular style.
"Alright," Spike said, "Let's see how this goes."
A While Later
"The talking timber wolves arrive in town for somepony, anypony, to cure them of the gold bugs that have been infesting their bellies for ages, causing them endless pain and eating them from the inside."
"OH MY!" Fluttershy says in dismay, "Those poor wolves! I-!" Fluttershy thought for a minute. "I sing the ancient gold bug luring song my great-grandmother taught me as part of my sacred teachings as a druid!"
Fluttershy rolled the 34 sided dice (part of the OO&MO's game engine).
"Hmm, the gold bugs all fly out of the timber wolves mouths, and turn into gold pieces once they leave their host. You're all filthy rich and have the timber wolves of the forest as your eternal allies!"
"But-but-but-" Twilight startled. "You don't have that on your character sheet!"
"Weren't you listening Twilight?" Pinkie Pie smiled. "As long as you can make it sound like it works, it works!"
A bit later, a flight of dragons descended on the town, looting everything and taking the mares as prisoners, and taking every drop of ale.
"You stop this right now Mr. Dragons!" Fluttershy said harshly.
"'Please, slay us and end our torment!' Beg the mighty dragons, pleading you to let death's embrace end their slavery to The Bard's will," Spike said rising his claws to the ceiling.
The ponies gasped and looked at each other.
As it turned out, a stallion completely devoid of scruples, whose only motives were mares, ale, and gold pieces, was not a good combination with irresistible mind control magic, who knew?
The heroes fought through the Bard's armies of brainwashed slaves. Princesses, Minotaurs, Dragons, Hydras, Wizards, none were immune, saves mysterious the six of them. All of them having found some old looking musical instruments and had arrived at the same sage's house hoping to find more about them. The enchantment of the instruments apparently shielding the six from the power of the Bard's music.
Until at last, they stood before the Bard himself... now grossly overweight, little more than a ball of bard with hooves, surrounded by slaves. Rarity cried recognizing the former lords and ladies of the land now licking the hooves clean of the tyrant.
The Bard lazily played his lute, setting them up as a living shield between himself and the heroes.
Rarity declared. "I use the Dance of the Dress! Secret of my family! To encourage their beautiful clothes to take their owners away from the battle field!"
Rarity rolled, Spike looked at the result, and confirmed Rarity's dance has succeeded and the clothes the ponies wore came to life and carried the ponies wearing them away to protect them.
"Alright now pudgy!" AJ snorted. "Ya ain't got nothin' left to fight for ya! Like my brother, sister, cousins, and all of the rest of our families ya rotten no good rat forced us to fight! Yer goin' down! The only question is how painfully!"
"'You're boring, you're stupid, go hump a tree.' the bard replies," Spike said.
"Famous last words!" Rainbow Dash cracked her 'knuckles.'
= Undertale OST - Bergentrückung (Intro) + ASGORE =
"The Bard lifts his lute to the sky, lightning strikes him, and his lute turns to nth metal, and is now covered in jewels. He also now has muscles that would put Bulk Biceps to shape, he grows forty-feet tall, his upper clothes rip away showing his oversized physique and his beard and mane grow and wave wildly in the wind. 'MINE! ALL IS MINE! You're but my slaves! Do as I command!' "
"Famous last words huh?" Rarity looked at Rainbow Dash.
The next few minutes were the ponies barely surviving as The Bard's music called up giant earth, fire, iron, and titanium elementals to destroy the ponies.
"'You must defeat him!' Shouts the mouse that just ran out of his bag, 'You must save the world from him! Please! Undo my mistakes of teaching this monster magic!'"
"'I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SPEAK AGAIN!' And The Bard proceeds to crush the mouse flat-"
""AH USE MY SHIELD OF TRUTH TO PROTECT THE MOUSE!" Applejack shouted.
"It is like THUNDER CRASHES, nearly deafening you all from the Bard's giant hoof nearly crushing the mouse, but AJ's shield saves him!"
"I save Mr. Mousy!" Fluttershy said.
"He informs you he's not a mouse, but a cursed wizard. But before you can get more of him, The Bard calls down lightning bolts upon you."
"I pull out my axe of lightning command I had hidden in the clouds just in case it was needed!" Rainbow Dash declared and rolled. "I direct the lightning back at the Bard!"
"He catches it with his enchanted lute and throws it right back at you!"
"Well I catch it and throw it back at him again!"
"And he reflects it again."
"Well I-"
"I CATCH THE LIGHTNING WITH MY LUTE!" Pinkie Pie declared!
Spike's jaw dropped. Everypony stared at Pinkie Pie smiling.
".... Uh... Pinkie Pie..."
"Remember the rules about being consistent." Pinkie Pie smiled.
"... Pinkie Pie... being a bard herself... grows forty feet tall... her lute turns silver and crackles with rainbow colored lightning. She sprouts a horn and wings and towers above you."
The thunder air shuddered and thunder clashed as the two bards struck their weapons against each other, the earth itself shaking under their might. Their music filling the land itself with their power!
But since this game's engine was limit mostly by only the player's imagination... Spike was imaginative, far more than a magical construct AI would ever be, but this was PINKIE PIE, whose imagination KNEW NO BOUNDS!
"'You can't beat me! I'm the Bard! I'm the main character! I do what I want, when I want, how I want!'"
"I can beat you because this is Equestria! Where friendship is magic! So that makes your magic the weakest of all! I HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH MY OWN LUTE!"
"Your lute shatters, shrinking you down back to normal size and losings the horn and wings. . . The Bard laughs at you... Until glowing white cracks appear all along the Bard's body, then he explodes into a million pieces, the dark storm clouds all part, flowers bloom, and the people Declare Pinkie Pie to be the True Bard, cheering her name and her story is passed through the generation inspiring hope and will across the ages, with you all getting your own little serfdom as a reward from the people for liberating them from The Bard's tyranny. You mouse becomes you royal advisor."
"I use the ancient truth mirror of truth to break the curse on the mouse and reveal his true form!" Twilight said, having gotten into the spirit of the game.
"He is revealed to be Star Swirl the bearded! He thanks you at last for restoring him, and he apologizing for the damage he's caused for his poor choice in heroes, and--- Twilight?"
Twilight fell backwards onto the floor, twitching, a happy smile on her face. "Starswirl... the bearded... thanked me...."
"Well, all's well that ends well." Rainbow Dash said, patting Pinkie Pie on the back. "You saved the world Pinkie Pie!"
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Thanks! Ya know thinking about it, this system is really like a fantasy version of Toon! Reminds me of how ponies wouldn't eat Maud's rock candy until I suggested she give it a little color."
"Who's done this!" Discord teleported right in the middle of the group, snorting fire. "Who has ruined my, I mean THIS masterpiece with this dribble!? They must suffer! I demand to know who they are so they might face my wrath!"
"I use Mega-Cake on Discord!" Pinkie Pie cheered just as Discord used his magic and... Discord looked up confused when a giant cake landed on him.
"Oh my! Are you okay Discord?" Fluttershy asked.
"Just bucking'tastic! Nothing but gumdrops and ice-cream in here!" Discord's voice snorted inside the giant cake.
"There's no need to be sarcastic," Fluttershy said.
"Who's being sarcastic? It's filled with gumdrops and ice-cream in here!"
"OOOH!" Pinkie Pie began to eat her way to the cake's big creamy Discord center.
"...How about a nice game of Bunnies and Burrows?" Discord asked inside the cake.
"Yay!" Fluttershy cheered clapping her hooves. "We can have Angel be Warren Master!"
Session 5.3 Ardashir
"Not another new setting!" Dash ran her hoof over her face. "Yeesh, what this time? Killer space aliens? Eldritch abominations from Horsecraft? What?"
"A-hem!" Twilight set the book down. Her friends and Gilda looked at a title that read 'Ponyfinder'. "It's an alternate Equestria called Everglow..."
"Please tell me it doesn't have a tyrannical or incompetent Celestia." Rarity looked dismayed just to be saying it.
"What? No!" Twilight passed around some basic orientation notes. "There was a Pony Empire created by an alicorn -- one that used to be an Earth pony." She smiled to see both Applejack and Pinkie Pie prick their ears up at that. "But she died and now the ponies are seeing their empire fall apart before invaders. Humans and elves and the like."
"Huh," Gilda rolled her eyes. "Figures you ponies wouldn't be able to handle it if you lost the Princesses -- not that I want it to happen!" She raised her talons as the ponies frowned in unison. "But I bet griffons are doing great here."
"Kind of," Twi said with a sly smile. Her next words stole the smirk from Gilda's face. "Provided you ignore how the elves stole control of the weather from them and the pegasi; and the humans beat them in a war so the Purrsians, they're a race of greedy cats, could take their greatest treasure." She got no further.
"WHAT?" yelled Dash, and "WHAT!" yelled Gilda.
"Peagsi lost the SKY?" Dash shook her head. "No way! How could they even DO that?"
"Those two-legged dweebs helped some bunch of, of alley cats rip off Griffons?" Gilda scratched her claws over the table top, stopping at a glare from Twilight. "I'll pulverize them!"
"So lemme guess," Applejack said. "We're supposed ta help put th' Empire back together? An' help ta find a new alicorn ta be th' Empress?"
"Pretty much," Twilight flared her wings as she spoke. "Oh, and try to teach the newcomer races something about Harmony as well. Want to play it?" When everypony and griffon nodded, she handed out some paper for the characters.
When they gave them back to her for examination everything looked fine until she came to Pinkie Pie's.
"Umm, Pinkie, there's something about this character..."
"What?" Pinkie asked in all innocence. "It all adds up, right?"
"Yes, but..." Twilght shook her head. "Your character is human?"
"Oh, no," Twilight relaxed only to choke at Pinkie's next words. "She's half human, half pony!"
Her friends, and Gilda, recoiled in horror.
Session 5.4 Alex Warlorn
"Oh Queen Rose Dust this is boring," Chrysalis grumbled, watching things through Spike's eyes weren't as entertaining now that Celestia had destroyed the game that had her enemies at each other's throats. When he wasn't Dungeon Mastering or organizing Princess Twilight's things, he was reading comics... Chrysalis had against her will memorized issues 600 through 624 of Power Ponies... and the premiere story-arc of that stupid dragon comic book. It was only popular BECAUSE it was the only dragon centric comic book around!
She'd had more entertainment value when Princess Luna's split personality had taken on a life of its own, gone back in time, and then possessed Rarity claiming it was the real Luna and the Princess Luna they all knew was a fake personality created by the Elements. Chrysalis wish she'd been there personally, their spies made it sound so delicious. Still... If she was going to learn anything useful it seemed... she was going to have to risk going to closer sourcers...
Game Night At the Crystal Empire
"Why aren't we arresting you as a war criminal again?" Cadence asked, like she did every week.
"Diplomatic immunity." Chrysalis said simply. "Oh and by the way, my Succubus Assassin/Aristocrat shape changes into Cadence's Half-Celestial Paladin/Monk, sleep with everyone at the Rising Stallion Inn, and give them her mail address."
"YOU WHAT?!" Cadence shouted red faced.
"Ooookaayyy," said Gaffer feeling out of his element.
"My Fighter/Dwarven Defender... defends Cadence's character's honor," SA said.
"I think, my thief/sorcerer/dragon disciple will stay out of this," Flash Sentry said.
"Captain, why do you keep letting her visit?
"If she's here, then that's one night a week she's not scheming."
"What if she sends a body-double?"
"We leave a stack of Daring Do novels near the door, if she geeks out, then we know it's her body-double."
"What then?"
"Then we break out his Thief/Loremaster/wizard character."
Session 5.5 SomeRandomMinion
Twilight smiled as she watched her young guests huddle together, chatting over the coming game. Ever since Rarity had utterly derailed that first Skies of Equestria session, she'd wanted to give the game another go; see what could be done when you DIDN'T have somepony out to wreck the setting from the beginning. (With a flash of insight, Twilight wondered if that had been how Shiny had felt when his Terrornauts game had been hijacked and turned on its head: had Rarity's stunt been some kind of karma for what they'd put her brother through?)
With that in mind, she'd gone over the game's rules and lore, closing as many loopholes and exploits as she could without being too restrictive. The more convoluted parts were streamlined and revised, lessening any potential rules-lawyering and even making the game more accessible to young players...hence the current players being foals.
"Oooh, Ah'll be...a pilot!" Applebloom announced, scribbling the choice onto her character sheet. "Even the best airship's gotta have SOME back-up from fighters, and there's some things a pegasus or griffon can't quite manage on their own that a plane can. What're the rest of you gonna be?" she asked, looking up.
Button Mash shrugged. "Mechanic. Sompony's gotta keep the airship running smooth while we're out doin' pirate-y stuff. Plus I can tough the work out, since I'm gonna be a minotaur."
"I went with 'Raider'; I thought being the one out swashbuckling on the ground and grabbing the treasure sounded fun." Sweetie Belle answered. "...That, and my character can keep Scootaloo from blowing up our loot," she added, giving her winged friend a deadpan look.
"What? I went with 'Bomb-Lobber'; she's SUPPOSED to use dynamite a lot!" Scootaloo defended. "So what if she's a bit eager to use it? And don't forget, she's a Diamond Dog, that means I can help FIND loot too."
And then, came a voice of authority.
"Oi, don't be so dismissive, Lieutenant! It'd be a right shame if some shiny treasure that could buy us a new zep* got blown to smithereens because you were a bit too giddy with the TNT, right? We're air-pirates, not a wrecking crew."
Scootaloo, suppressing a grin, snapped a salute. "Yessir, Captain Pipsqueak! ...Er, you DID pick 'Ship Captain' as your class, right?"
Pipsqueak nodded, giddy even as he tried to stay in character. "Right you are. Who better to run our little band of ruffians than a dashing rogue like--" he broke off to cross something out on his character sheet, then scribble something new to replace it, "--Captain Blackwing? It'll be a donnybrook, but I promise my crew, we'll all be rich!"
The foals cheered, eagerly chattering about the adventures their plucky band of sky-pirates could get up to.
Behind the DM screen, Twilight was almost giddy. "Well, it looks like we're just about ready to get started. Oh, and Happy Birthday Pipsqueak."
(NOTE:
* "Zep" = Zeppelin.)
Session 5.6 MtangaLion
Twilight settled on the couch and smoothed out her skirt. She glanced over at her glasses-wearing twin, and some evil pun-happy corner of her brain thought, 'I'm literally beside myself!' "This is a pretty nice place, BB- I mean, Shining." Actually, it looked like a gaming store had exploded all over a single-bedroom human apartment, but she wasn't about to say that out loud either.
Shining Armor grinned. "Well, it's no castle, but I like it."
She opened her mouth, then coughed and changed the subject. "So, you said something about games."
Shining nodded. "That's right! Twily told me that you and your friends were getting into roleplaying games, um... Twilight?"
She giggled. "Call me Princess. The others seem pretty comfortable with that."
The other Twilight clasped her hands together. "When I heard that you're a princess of friendship from a real world of magical talking ponies..."
Shining sat in another chair facing them. "Yeah, that's such a weird coincidence! It's just like this new game that just came out, World of Horsecraft."
Princess Twilight's jaw dropped, one eyebrow twitching. "World of... what now?"
"World of Horsecraft!" repeated Shining brightly. He picked up one of those portable human computer-things and passed it over to her.
Her jaw threatened to drop right into her lap and through the floor. The art style... the *ponies* on the computer screen... The bizarre list of starting classes, with things like 'stylist' and 'apple farmer' mixed in with guard and wizard. The cheerful electronic music playing over the character-select screen added the perfect extra touch of insanity... Pinkie Pie's Smile song? How... Just... how?!
Some of Princess Twilight's hair twitched and sprung out of place. The slightly obsessive compulsive part of her brain pounced on the fact that human hair could do that too, and happily began drafting a research paper. "Who did this?" she bellowed.
----
A lovely woman with black skin and green hair scowled at her lead programmer, a thin white-haired man with a goatee and mismatched tennis-shoes. "Discord! Crystalsoft is a serious business. Stop disrupting my multi-million dollar franchise by spawning bugbears in the middle of Ponyville."
Discord shook a finger in her face. "You're no fun anymore."
Session 5.7 BrutalityInc
Dismay.
Shame.
Embarrassment.
Exasperation.
Those four words that could sum up the feelings of the four mares who were currently having lunch at Sugarcube Corners with Trixie, their expressions mirroring these sentiments.
As for Trixie herself, after hearing from them why they felt that way, one word could describe her response... which was confusion.
"How?" Trixie asked, incredulous. "How exactly did your game last night ended... like THAT?"
The four mares looked at each other, uncertain how to begin.
"Well, as we told you, darling, we found the setting of the game 'Core Ops' to be quite... disdainful, for lack of a better term." Rarity said, taking the initiative, "It wasn't depressing enough to be considered 'grim-dark', but it was not the best of all worlds nevertheless."
This, Trixie thought, she couldn't exactly argue against.
The game they played was an O&O 3.5 modification of a strategy board game. Set in the distant future, Equestrian society had left their homeworld to colonize the stars, but had become dependent upon an exotic energy source, Rubium, for all its advanced magic and technology.
On an alien moon of a gas giant planet in a distant star system, the game's brief introductory text revealed, a group of interstellar explorers discovered exceptional abundance of Rubium that was ripe for the taking.
Being low on funds, the explorers came upon the brilliant idea to sell the mining rights to four megacorporations simultaneously, getting out of dodge long before the ruse was discovered, leaving the expeditionary forces from the four corporations to deal with a savage world of liquidfungus forests, magma pools and monstrous alien lifeforms by themselves.
Now, on the galactic frontier, far away from public scrutiny or government oversight, the players of the game now play as the commanders of the miners, scientists and mercenary armies sent by the four corrupt and competitive corporate conglomerates to explore, mine and seize control of the moon for its Rubium, one sector at a time, even if it means doing bloody battle with their rivals.
This task was made easier by using the resources to raise armies, taming the indigenous rock striders, lava leapers, fungoids, crystallines, and the plasma-breathing rubium dragons to support their troops, as well as recovering mysterious alien artifacts left on the moon in in-game missions that could give each faction an advantage.
Whoever could gain complete control of the alien moon, along with its resources, its lifeforms and its relics, wins the campaign.
Naturally, Fluttershy, Twilight, Rarity and Applejack didn't like the setting very much, and did what came natural to them whenever they encounter a setting they don't like.
"So if Trixie is correct, you all set yourselves to 'correct' the sorry situation by going off the rails of the campaign." Trixie deduced.
"I... I saw how the poor alien animals on that moon was being used by these nasty ponies to fight their wars. I couldn't stand by and do nothing." Fluttershy, to everypony's surprise, came out first with her plan, "I played a commander who was secretly a member of an Animal Rights group for Aliens. I planned to befriend all the creatures on the alien moon and secretly gather them together. Then I would have them chase out all the corporate factions from the moon and declare it an interstellar alien sanctuary."
"I read up upon the background information behind the alien artifacts left on the moon and managed to piece together a cohesive theory behind their origins and their purposes." Twilight spoke next, pulling out a pile of notes which detailed her plan, "I discovered that, using only their functions as detailed by in-game lore, if put these leftover alien technologies together in a correct way, they would be able generate free, unlimited energy. I played a scientist commander whose campaign strategy was to acquire all the necessary pieces of alien relics, put it together, than secretly sending the plans back to the homeworld and release it to the public. That way, it would free interstellar civilization from dependency from Rubium, simultaneously driving all four crooked megacorporations into bankruptcy and saving the alien moon from their deprivation."
"I played a business executive commander for the campaign." Rarity spoke next, "I designed her backstory to justify her set of skills, in which she is part of the family of the megacorporation's CEO, trying to win her daddy's favor from her squabbling, backstabbing siblings by leading a successful operation to acquire the alien moon, promising maximum profit with minimum losses. I plan to use my diplomatic skills to drive my other Corporate rivals into fighting each other and exhausting themselves, while persuading their mercenaries and workers to work for me, than use my business knowledge to set up the best possible mining operation while engaging economic warfare with the other factions, until I am the sole owner of the alien moon. With that much Rubium in my control, I would be able to win the succession as the next head of the megacorporation, buy out the other three by-then exhausted competitors, and using my new status and wealth to reform the economic system that allows that sort of situation to happen to begin with."
"Ah got mahself a simple plan." Applejack explained. "All ah'm gonna do is tah win teh game the old fashion way, except fer teh part where ah go against company rules and secretly film everythin' that happened, and then releasin' it to teh Equestrian public back on homeworld." She smirked bitterly at the thought, "Lyin', cheatin' scumbags, that's what all four of 'em corporate schmucks were. Ah can almost imagine teh look on their faces when evidence of their shady and downright illegal shenanigans on the alien moon got revealed for all known space tah see."
Trixie nodded as she digested the information, "But Trixie can see that everything went wrong, horribly so, when all four of you tried to implement their plan... but forgot to tell the others what you were planning, leading to all of you tripping over one another and throwing the whole game into chaos."
"Girls, I though we got over this behind-each-others'-backs machination horseapples!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed as the other mares groaned in dismay "This isn't a game of Diplomacy!"
"It wasn't Diplomacy; it was just a light science fiction tabletop strategy game... except for the part that there can only be one winner." Rarity corrected. "Would you want to tell the others your plans to win the game and hope that they would not plan against it?"
"Trixie is still confounded by the eventual outcome of the campaign." Trixie interjected before the girls got into another argument, "Namely, how exactly did all that eventually caused not only the alien moon to EXPLODE, taking with it all four faction's forces, the moon's resources and alien inhabitants, but also start a chain reaction that destroyed all Rubium deposits across the galaxy, dooming all of colonized space to economic collapse?!"
"To be honest, Trixie? We still haven't got a darn clue." Applejack answered, "And ah thought you were teh one who they call teh 'World-Wrecker'!"
Trixie bristled at the mention of her gaming nickname. She earned that in the Equestrian tabletop gaming circle for a most peculiar trait: while she was a decent player much of the time, she has a tendency to mess up in a spectacular fashion whenever she failed (One game out of three), often to the point of completely derailing campaigns and utterly demolishing entire settings.
Being responsible for multiple Old-Mare-Henderson level plot derailments does not make for a good tabletop gaming reputation. It would seem that it was something her friends would never let her live down, these days, her wrecking the Heart of Oblivion campaign so many sessions ago notwithstanding.
"Ironic thing to say for one of four mares who destroyed a world. At least Trixie has not blown up a moon and sent interstellar civilization into a dark age!" Trixie retorted, turning away from Applejack with an indignant humph and leaving the Apple mare to comfort Fluttershy, who has resumed crying at the thought of all the alien animals lost in the explosive catastrophe.
Then again, Trixie mused, for all I know, I might had blown up the whole galaxy instead...
Session 5.8 Grogar-the-oneser
"Trixie has one question though, why wasn't Rainbow Dash or Pinkie playing?" she asked.
"Rainbow said she saw an obvious ending with this game and wanted nothing to do with it, personally I think she was still feeling guilty about the weather factory thing and didn't want to destroy another business like that but-"
"But considering what happen, you can't exactly complain okay what about Pinkie?" Trixie asked,
"She said she couldn't play cause she was planning to defeat her cupcake making record, but wish us luck and hope we don't pull a world-wrecker," Twilight said.
Session 5.9 Mooncalf99
"All right," Twilight announced to the players. "As usual, you've gathered at Definitely Not Sugarcube Corner for breakfast before school."
"I order everything on the menu," Pinkie Pie announced. "Then I eat the menu too."
"As usual, then," Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I want a triple-espresso choco-latte with extra sugar, and a nine-volt battery. Oh, and an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy!"
"Say what? That joke was, like, way grody," Rarity said.
"I gather that Crimson Tape is still, ahah, wrapped up in her namesake?" Discord asked.
"That was last session, and that happened the night before," Twilight said. "She's had--"
"No, ah probably still am," Applejack objected. "Ah've got plus three to 'Stickin' to tha rules', so I figger that'd be a penalty to the roll, right?"
"Okay then," Twilight said, nonplussed. Then she shrugged and went along with it. "In that case, Crimson Tape is trussed up like a cherry-red mummy right next to you all, and nopony really cares. Difficulty ten on a bod roll to break free, by the way."
"They've seen weirder things," Discord said dismissively. He turned to Applejack. "That's really sporting of you."
"You'll get yers when I break free, Random Act," Applejack muttered, rolling her dice and swearing under her breath at the result. "But ah figgered ya stopped doin' that whole 'borin' earth pony' gag, so ah'll cut ya some slack."
Discord shrugged. "It was really only good for one joke before it got predictable, anyway. And I don't do predictable."
Trixie raised a hoof. "Okay! Bright Light starts doing her newest light show, since she's being ignored! Here we go!"
"Not again!" Rainbow Dash groaned. "I dunk my face in whatever food is on the table before I'm blinded."
"Everypony, make a bod roll to cover your eyes," Twilight said. "Hungry, make a smarts roll to avoid eating the Wings-flavored cupcake on the table."
Pinkie leisurely placed her six-sided die on the table... with the 'one' up. "Oops, I fail. Yummy!" She smirked widely.
"...Okay," Twilight said. "Wings vanishes into the dark depths of the Gourmand Stomach-Dimension. Consider yourself bonked until, hmm..."
"Not again!" Rainbow Dash cried.
"Don't worry, Wingie, I swallowed a jetpack last tuesday in case of jetpack emergencies!" Pinkie said. "It should still be in there! Somewhere!"
"I said, stop ignoring Bright Light!" Trixie yelled. "Grand light show! Solar flare!"
"Oh dear, Bright is being sad and lonely again..." Fluttershy said. "I shift into my Haunter form and hug her. That should block out the light, right?"
"Augh! Not again!" Trixie cried. "Cold, so cold, so cold..."
Twilight looked over at the door for a moment and nodded before turning back to the table. "All right, you're all doing... all that stuff, when suddenly..."
The players stopped their antics and focused their attention.
"Space ripples and bends in a spray of psychedelic colors," Twilight said somberly, "while a chorus of a thousand voices sing, 'Awww yeah!' Reality rips asunder, and down from the heavens--"
"Aren't we inside a cafe?" Applejack asked.
"Ssh!" Twilight hushed. "--and down from the ceiling which seems to be high up in the heavens descends... a great reptilian creature, wearing a blindingly white polyester suit and a dozen gold chains, and on his head is the greatest and most imposing afro/pompadour combo you have ever seen. A multitude of disco balls float around him, sending hypnotic light everywhere."
Jaws dropped around the table. Rarity's eyes twitched, while Rainbow Dash made a sound not unlike a motorboat struggling to start, from the barely restrained laughter. Applejack summed it up nicely. "What. The. Hay."
"Spike!" Twilight hissed. "That's your cue to come in!"
"Ooh, is Spike joining us too?" Pinkie asked cheerfully. "Wow, this party is getting pretty big!"
Spike climbed up a tall chair and joined them at table height. "Nah, I'm playing an NPC since Twilight didn't want to act out this part."
"Try to stay in character, Spike," Twilight said.
"Oh, right." The young dragon stood up on the chair, set one foot on the table edge, and pointed at Rarity. "You so fly, honey. Nobody got the sick moves you do. So The Dancing Demon Duke of the Dark Zone Mosh Pit has come to make you his queen."
"Q-queen?" Rarity stammered, taken by surprise. "I, that... I mean, I dig. Fo' sho'. Lead on, Brosef."
"But, but, if you take her away, then she can't go on adventures with us," Fluttershy protested.
"Right on," Spike said, trying to add a little swagger to his act. "I'ma drag her to my demon crib and she'll be mine forever and you'll never see her again! Mwahaha!"
"Bummer!" Rarity protested. "Never seeing Equestria again? Never swinging with my cats? Never get down and boogie for real? That's so bogue!"
"How do you keep speaking that way?" Rainbow Dash whispered.
"Practice," Rarity whispered back. "And a cheat sheet."
Trixie suddenly slammed a hoof on the table. "Hold it! You're not getting away with this!"
"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie cried, slamming her hoof on the table too. "You're not taking our friend from us!"
"I was talking to the Diva," Trixie corrected. "Why does she get to be the center of attention all the time?"
"Pssh," Spike scoffed. "I dazzle them with my disco balls and grab Rar-- uh, the Disco Diva."
"That doesn't work very well on somepony who's technically a small sun," Twilight said. "Try something else."
"Uh, okay..." Spike wracked his brain. "I've got it! A dance-off!"
"You are on," Trixie said confidently. "Nopony dances like the celestial stunner, Bright Light!"
"Sugarcube, ah think he was challengin' Diva," Applejack said.
"Ugh, you're always on her side!" Trixie protested. "Fine! In that case--"
"And about now, Wings Maximus has found the exit to the Stomach-Dimension," Twilight said. "You may leave whenever you choose."
"Finally!" Rainbow Dash said. "I fly out with a cry of 'Geronimo!' and tackle Spike, I mean, the demon guy."
"You don't know where he is, or even that he's there," Twilight said. "So you tackle Mane Agerie instead."
"Oh! Oh my!" Fluttershy said. "I'm taken completely by surprise."
"Of course you are," Discord agreed. "By the way, this is how Equestrian say 'thank you'."
"In that case, Bright Light grabs Random Act's Colt/Filly Gun," Trixie declared.
"My what?" Discord asked.
"His what?" Applejack asked.
"Don't pretend you don't have one," Trixie scoffed. "Oh, Crimson Tape? Since you like Diva so much, why don't you defend her honor like a real stallion? And then Bright Light shoots her."
"You do what?!" Applejack protested.
"This... calls for a break," Twilight said. "A long one."
Session 5.10 BrutalityInc
Applejack and Rarity looked upon the scene of destruction before them, then looked back at the three fillies who caused it.
"Alrigh', what did yah do?" Applejack asked sternly, "What game were you lot playin'?"
"It wasn't anything unusual..." Scootaloo excused.
"We wanted tah try somethin' new. Somethin' that isn't abou' gettin' treasure or slayin' monstahs..." Applebloom elaborated.
"So we choose a game that is about a grown-up's profession." Sweetie Belle finished for the three.
"A tabletop game abou' firefighters?" Applejack asked.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders nodded.
"Fair enough. But how, darlings..." It was Rarity's turn to ask, "Did playing a game about firefighters..." She pointed to the side, "Ended with your club-house being set on fire?!"
As if on cue, what little remained of smoldering tree-house finally gave way with a shudder, collapsing into a pile of charcoal and ash on the ground, leaving only the tree it once rested on standing alone, charred and dead.
All three Cutie Mark Crusaders looked equally embarrassed and clueless.
Applejack sighed and rubbed the side of her head with irritation. "Ah'm gonna ask and see if Discord can restore this 'ere clubhouse back to its old self, though yah might have tah worry about the clubhouse being booby-trapped with pranks for at least a week. Discord can do many things, but the last thing he want is being treated like some genie..."
The three fillies groaned, and decided, collectively, to scratch 'Flash Point: Firefighter Rescue' off their list of tabletop games for the time being.
Maybe they should play 'Pandemic' instead...