Session 97.0 Mtangalion
In the ever-expanding computer room of Princess Twilight's castle, piles of gaming party snacks were sadly going to waste. All of the monitors were displaying the World of Horsecraft login screen, with an "Unable to connect to server" message...
Except for one computer in the back, where Spike and Garble had gotten bored and booted up Prince of the Monsters. Spike stopped tearing Manehatten skyscrapers out of the ground and bashing Garble over the head with them for a moment to look over his shoulder at Twilight and Button. "Other online games are fine, but nothing at CrystalSoft works!"
Garble grinned hugely. "Where are you looking, shorty? Balefire megaspell breath!" Spike's giant monster was blasted clear across the virtual city, obliterating a hoofball stadium and the Friendship Monument.
"What?!" Spike started laughing, grabbing for his controller again. "Hah, I'll get you for that!"
Shining Armor sighed. "I might as well join them..." Then he saw Button Mash and did a double-take. "What?! All those harmony artifacts and rituals Cady tried on me, and *Button Mash* still becomes an Alicorn first?"
Button patted Shining's shoulder. "There, there. I'm sure it'll be Player Two's turn soon enough. Now, let's see!" He glared at one of the computers. "This should be easy! ..." The little Alicorn frowned. "Unless the bad guys are in another world that I'm not a god of..."
"We could use the mirror portal," suggested Princess Twilight. "Take the fight to them."
Button Mash shook his head. "We'd have to find the hackers in the human world with human methods, and that would be really hard." His face lit up. "Or, I could spawn a minion to get them!"
Discord appeared, now dressed like a fussy librarian with half-moon spectacles. "Ah ah ah! Creating a personal minion is a complex effort that often involves significant energy expenditure and even personal sacrifice! You're about a thousand years too soon to..."
Ignoring him, Button pulled a red and white ball from under his beanie and threw it at the floor. "I choose you! Pyro the Dragon!"
There was a blinding flash, and a small purple and yellow winged dragon flew out of the pixelated smoke. "That's me all right!"
Discord's jaw literally dropped, and his eyes popped at least two feet out of his head before snapping back to his face. "Well, I never!"
"You can make video game characters appear in real life!?" exclaimed Shining Armor.
Button pointed his hoof at the monitor. "Go stop those guys who are ruining everycreature's gaming fun!"
Pyro beamed. "Looks like I've got things to do!" He flew straight into the monitor, and a purple glow traveled up the network cable and disappeared into the portal mirror.
Twilight frowned. "Um, do you think maybe you should have told him not to kill anybody or anything?"
Button winced. "It'll be fine! Probably!"
"Gah, why!?" cried Decepticolt, as the little dragon destroyed their hacking servers one after another... by charging across the room and headbutting them. And then collecting all the colorful gems which inexplicably flew out of the smoking remains.
Zappityhoof and Goldcap tried to crawl stealthily out of the building, only for the purple menace to land right in front of them. "I smell a barbecue!" Pyro lit them on fire, but somehow only their hair and most of their clothes burned to ash. They still flopped to the floor and passed out, though.
Session 97.1 Ardashir
"A little purple dragon flew out of our computer and headbutted all out gear into junk, with gold and gems popping out of the rubble. Then he breathed fire and burned all our hair off. You have to believe us!"
"...Joe, take these three in and give them a drug test before you lock them up. Oh, by the way, Crystalsoft has over a dozen lawyers waiting to see you people with lawsuits in hand."
Session 97.2 Ardashir
"Wow," Gallus flapped up to the top of the shelf, groaning under the weight of heavy wooden-bound books. Sneezes from his friends filled the air as his wings kicked up dust. "Looks like Miss Twilight was right, this place has everything. I wouldn't be surprised if I found some of those old rolling leather scrolls they used to use in Griffonstone for records." Only a little of his old bitterness came through as he added, "Back when Griffonstone had things happen worth recording."
Of his friends only Sandbar looked a little uneasy at the word 'leather'. He glanced at Yona beside him as she glanced at a shelf groaning under the weight of Merry Mare romances such as Rarity devoured by the dozen. "Heh! G-glad nopony uses leather any more. Right, Yona?"
"Yaks use leather," Yona looked at the shelf, ignoring Sandbar's horrified stare. "What? Yaks live in snow and rock filled frozen plateau. Yaks cannot afford to waste anything!" She turned back to the shelves and looked at a written list she held in one hoof. "Now check bookshelves. Miss Starlight give us game to see who can find oldest book in given gun, jenny..."
"Genre," Ocellus buzzed up close to the ceiling to examine some of the books in the sciences. She blinked at the sight of one very old book. "Huh, 'Mad Myths and Malevolent Monsters'?" She took it off the shelf, flipped it open at random, reading, "'While stories are told of shapeshifting bug ponies, no facts have been found to substantiate this legend. If they ever did exist, they are long gone. One may as well believe as the barbarian races of griffons and dragons will ever be more than pestilential savages on our borders...' Heh!" She flinched as both Smolder and Gallus gave her dirty looks. She started to put the book back on the shelf. "Guess that pony ate his words, huh -- look out! Don't let it hit the floor! Oh, thanks, Smolder."
Smolder looked up, growling and rubbing her head.
"Yeesh, just cause that pony ate his words doesn't mean I haveta, too!" She frowned at the tome, her claws digging into the thick cover. "'Barbarian dragons', huh? When did he write this crap?" She looked at the book. "Eighty years ago?"
Silverstream looked over from her corner of the store. She excitedly waved one claw over hea head. "Ooh! I remember that from history of foreign relations class! That was the year several dozen dragons argued with ex-Dragon Lord Torch, so he exiled them and they invaded Equestria and burned down and looted half a dozen cities!"
Smolder winced and carefully set the book back on the shelf. "Okay, yeah, maybe we didn't always get along with ponies really well."
"Yeah, like how hippogriffs didn't want to meet anygriff," Silverstream said as she plucked another book seemingly at random from the shelf. It had a dark look to it, and an imaginative onlooker might have wondered if something like dark water dripped from it as she held it. "Guess it would have helped if we'd ever had friends before the Storm King came -- hey! Cozy Glow's picture is in this book!"
Five throats called out "What?!?" In moment Silverstream's friends were at her side, looking at the picture on the page.
"Can't be," Gallus muttered. He touched the page, reluctantly. It seemed to cling to his clawtip for a moment as he did. "Look at this book, it's older than Miss Starlight an' Miss Rarity."
"But that's Cozy," Sandbar said, pointing at the picture of a filly in a wooden cradle arrayed with crimson drapery. She did indeed look like a near-newborn Cozy Glow or what they imagined she might look like. The sly cunning smile on her face would have never belonged to a real filly, though. A feral jackal stood to one side of the cradle and another indefinable figure stood in the shadows behind it, bipedal in a long frock coat. His feet were on old banners of Celestia's Sun and Luna's Moon. The artist had not done a very good job of him; the standing figure's one visible hand looked almost like a mass of worms, and of the face nothing could be told beyond a unpleasantly toothy smile. The writing on the page was faded.
Ocellus leaned in close. "'Count Magnus, visiting Chor, Chora-someplace, on his," she blinked and worked at the bizarre words. "'Black Pilgrimage', visiting the newborn daughter of the Prince of the Air, future Queen of All Equestria'." Ocellus looked at the others. "Whatever that means."
"Eh, whatever," Gallus put the book back on the shelf. And if he pushed it far to the back so it was no longer visible without hard searching, no one commented. "Cozy's having tea parties with Tirek in Tartarus. She's never gonna be a problem again."
***
"Ow!" Cozy rubbed her ears in Grogar's lair.
"Oh, what is it now?" Tirek grumbled as he tossed down his hand of cards in front of a scowling Chrysalis. "Hah! Sun and Moon! You know what that means!" Chrysalis rolled her eyes and nodded, letting him drain more energy from her.
"Nothing," Cozy said on her usual cute adorable voice. "I just had the weirdest idea that someone was looking at my baby pictures."
Session 97.3 Mtangalion
"There you are!" exclaimed Maternity Love-Tap. Button Mash's mother trotted into the computer room, looking very much relieved. "Thank you for watching Button and his friends, Princess Twilight. We'll just be getting out of your way, and..." She stared at Button, her mouth falling open.
Button Mash, Equestria's one and only Alicorn colt, scratched the back of his neck with a wing sheepishly. "Er... hi, mom!"
Maternity nudged Button's horn, gawking first at her son, and then at Twilight, as if daring one of them to tell her this was a prank. "I knew I wasn't crazy!" She considered, stroking her chin. "This changes things. I assume he's going to need some extra tutoring?"
Princess Twilight nodded smartly. "A little extra tutoring never hurt anypony, but for Button, I'd definitely recommend lessons to get him up to speed on basic telekinesis and flight."
Maternity smiled. "And we can schedule this around his normal school hours?"
Button's big grin vanished in an instant. "Wha... what!? But moooom!"
"Don't you ‘But mom!' me, young colt!"
"But, I'm the Prince of Gaming now!"
Maternity put on her best Mom Face. "Unless you're the Prince of Math and Science and History too, I still expect you to go to school and pass all of your classes! No son of mine is growing up to be an ignorant lout like that Prince Blueblood."
Princess Twilight raised a hoof. "Actually, it turns out that Prince Blueblood is smart and highly educated, and he was only cultivating a public persona of being a complete jerk to get rid of mares who..." Button's mom glared at her. "And... I'm muddling the point..."
Meanwhile, Button Mash grinned deviously and conjured up a new minion... a short bipedal silver robot with luminous green eyes. "Greetings, Prince Isthmia," said the robot, with a small formal bow. "Clank, at your service. I can disguise myself as a saddlebag, and I am fully capable of completing all your homework assignments with optimal speed and accuracy."
There was a metallic "shhhhrk!" sound, and Maternity Love-Tap suddenly held a katana aimed straight at the robot's neck.
Clank gulped. "However, it appears that I will not be doing any of those things. Good day!" He vanished in a puff of smoke, just like he'd arrived.
Button looked to Princess Twilight with pleading eyes.
"Don't look at me," said Twilight. "Even the Princess of Friendship knows better than to cross a mom on the warpath."
Session 97.4 Unown3
"Is that..." Rumble whispered, looking at an Alicorn version of the colt everypony in class had thought was destine to be an overweight otaku.
"Button Mash? I think so... unless it's Discord playing a game again," Tender Taps said.
"Just because you're an Alicorn now Button Mash doesn't mean you don't have to do your home work," Love-Tap said sternly, showing her dominance over her son.
"But..." Rumble said. "How is that fair? I hang out with Scootaloo, you hang out with Apple Bloom! And we didn't become gods!"
"Sorry lads, but roll of the cosmic dice and all that," Discord popped out. Discord was disappointed that all he got was a slight surprised yelp. Ponies in Ponyville had gotten way too used to his presence. Where was the fun in that? "Button Mash just lucked out! Like Twilight Sparkle and that Rain Boom of hers getting her into Celestia's school!"
"Random chance isn't equal! And entrance into the bourgeoisie being random isn't fair at all!" Rumble shouted, and quickly making sure he didn't have his copy of the Equality Manifesto showing.
"Chaos is the ultimate fairness!" Discord declared loudly and indignantly!
Session 97.5 Unown3
"A male Alicorn at last... and it's a colt!... I wanted Pipsqueak to be the first!" Princess Luna snapped stomping a hoof.
Session 97.6 sonicandmario826
" I honestly thought Big Mac would ascend first considering what you told me about his dreams.", said Celestia standing near by.
Cadence meanwhile seemed a bit mad at this news, "Why couldn't it have been Shining!?! I've been trying to get him to ascend for years and a colt was able to do it NO PROBLEM!!!"
Session 97.5 Mtangalion Ardashir (alternate scene)
(This is an alternate scene.)
Luna shouted, "Why did it have to be a colt?!? I've been waiting over 1500 years for this!"
Celestia said, "Settle down, little sister... And before you go turning into a filly yourself, he already has a fillyfriend."
Luna raised a clenched hoof. "We're definitely reinstating the herding laws!"
At which moment every stallion in Equestria felt a shiver run down their spine.
-
Princess Twilight was bewildered. "I don't understand... I was certain that those six students were going to awaken new Elements of Harmony to replace what Sombra destroyed, but I just felt Destiny get turned on its ear!"
Spike nodded. "You're telling me!" *points at the thrones around the map table, which now have the cutie marks of the Crusaders, and their friends!"
Rarity exclaimed. "It looked like Destiny is out and getting drunk in a bar."
AJ said, "Yer exaggeratin'."
A whip-pan effect lead to to Rota Fortuna, singing a drunken duet with Fenris at the Gods Bar.
They'd already mangled "Hound Dog" and "Hungry Like the Wolf," and then the karaoke machine starts playing "Fly Me to the Moon."
-
"MY SONG is getting desecrated somewhere!" Luan snapped.
Session 97.6 Unown3
Shining Armor remarked, "Well, Flurry Heart is finally taking to potty training, if I didn't know better I'd say she took so long to learn just to watch us squirm... Cadence?"
Cadence looked pale, she was holding a small magical device. "Shining... remember what we thought about naming Flurry Heart?"
"Oh yeah, before the Gypsy cursed me, which is totally not a thing, and we named her after nearly destroying the Crystal Empire, which is sure not gonna affect her at all, I think we discussed... 'Skyla'?"
"... We're going to get another chance to use that name," Cadence said with dread.
"Oh horse apples," Shining Armor said and fainted.
Session 97.7 Mtangalion
Princess Luna gave Cadence and Shining a reserved and regal smirk. "You're having another foal? I shall put the royal kitchens on high alert! I doubt you shall be able to get your favorite chef again, since the griffons have gone and made her queen." Luna levitated an official-looking letter with barely-legible claw-writing.
Shining Armor sat up, glaring. "Hey, now! You can't just assume..."
Cadence put a hoof to her belly. "Actually, I could go for some Manehatten-style pizza. With extra salsa and chocolate... oh no."
Princess Celestia took a deep breath. "We should be greeting both of these royal arrivals with joy, not dismay and jealousy. Harmony chooses who it wills."
"Code Pink!" screamed a stallion from the direction of the kitchens. "I repeat, Code Pink!"
Shining groaned. "Yeah, 'Prince' Button Mash and now this... it really doesn't seem all that harmonious. Maybe it's fate."
Just then, a trapdoor popped open in front of the thrones, and Pinkie Pie stuck her head out. "Nah! Of course we'd get an Alicorn of Games next, it's totally the theme of the story!" Ponyville's premier pink party pony sighed. "I'd like to say 'And next we should totally have an Alicorn of Fun, right... right!?' Just imagine all the games we could play then! But what if the readers didn't like that? 'Ho hum, it's Alicorn Pinkie again! Now you're just copying what happened in the other story!' And they'd kind have a point but... Oh, almost forgot!"
In a blur, Pinkie Pie set out tables with all kinds of party food, and 'Congratulations on your growing family!' decorations... and even a pizza made just like Cadence wanted.
Celestia prodded the trap door with a hoof. "You know, I've been wondering what this was for ever since the castle was built..."
Session 97.8 Ardashir
"Trixie," Twilight said, sounding and looking dangerously calm as she stood at the entrance to the Friendship School's bathroom. She wore a bathrobe and beyond one throbbing vein on her forehead seemed calm. Seemed. "Please tell me why the dragons have been in my bathroom for six hours straight."
Trixie smiled weakly. "It all s-started when the Great and Powerful Trixie decided to go outside and watch the display of dragon games they were putting on for the students, as you asked them to do..."
***
"KING! OF! THE HOARRRD!" Garble roared it out as he stood atop a pile of gems and gold almost as high as himself. Arms spread, claws bared, he spewed fire into the sky. "Is anyone dumb enough ta challenge me?!?"
Silence filled the courtyard. Garble looked around, scratching his head in confusion.
"Yeesh, come on, somedragon?"
Before him stood the main body of the school students, with the Student Six in front. Smolder wore her cheerleading outfit. She waved her pom-poms and cheered.
"You go, big brother! You'll beat everyone who challenges you!" She looked around as the crowd of ponies and other creatures held back. "Uh, if anydragon does. Hey, Sludge!" Smolder waved at the fat grumbling dragon as he cleaned the grounds. "Ya wanna show us how much of a dragon you are? Like ya did with Spike?" Spiteful glee filled her voice.
"Forget it," Sludge waved one claw at her. "I always lost that game when I played it as a kid."
"Wow, am I ever surprised," Garble muttered. He pointed at his three exiled pals. "Yo, Clump, Fume, Fizzle, ya wanna show these ponies how it's done?" He smirked. "Or are ya afraid this sissy poet is too much for ya?"
A moment later all three charged up the pile and grappled with Garble. The students recoiled at the heavy blows and roars of primordial fury that filled the air, echoes of an older and more savage age when violence settled everything and might was the measure of all things --
"What is this racket?!?" Trixie trotted up, looking cross. "The Great and Educational Trixie was trying to master some of the spells she will be showing the students later. Must you four lizards be making such a racket?"
The four dragons froze. Slowly they turned from the contest to look at her.
"Lizards!" Garble dropped down to the ground Once there he snatched Trixie up and held her before his face. He looked more than a little like his old self, especially as his three pals came up behind and beside him, grinning wickedly at Trixie. "Okay. Ya wanna make us stop? Then beat us!" He dropped back back to the ground.
Trixie looked uncertain. "Alright. How does Trixie have to beat you? A game of dragon mah-jongg, some jacks, a display of sleight of hoof..." She yelled as Garble stomped hard enough to bounce her off the ground.
"No! Ya gotta make us abandon our hoard!" Garble pointed at the piled treasure behind him. "Ya understand?"
Trixie looked thoughtful and smiled. "Can she do anything?" When Garble nodded, Trixie just twirled her horn. "Then she does this!"
And she cast a single spell.
***
"So you're the reason why Garble and his friends screamed and rushed off to my bathroom," Twilight stomped one hoof as Trixie grinned in a guilty fashion. "What spell did you cast?"
"The magnifying spell you asked Trixie to teach the students," Trixie scraped the floor lightly with one forehoof. "It makes things look bigger. Like those tiny parasites you noticed on dragon scales?"
"AAAHH!" Garble's shriek crashed out the door and echoed down the hallway. "WHERE DID THESE GIANT BUGS COME FROM? GET EM OFFA ME!" The sounds of wild scrubbing could be heard from inside. "NO! YOU GUYS WAIT YOUR TURN!"
Twilight rolled her eyes and cast a dispel. She walked back down the hallway to her office, saying, "Trixie? I want you to get the rest of the faculty together so we can discuss why the school needs a rule against casting spells on staff or students without express permission."
Session 97.9 Mtangalion
"Wait a minute!" growled Garble. You could almost see the gears struggling to turn in his head, and maybe a few puffs of steam from his ears too. "If that's your bathroom, how come there's a huge lava bath in there?"
Princess Twilight took a step back, suddenly all flustered. "Ah! There's a simple explanation, of course! You see..." She sighed. "Fine..."
The purple Alicorn lit her horn, and suddenly all the young dragons were scrambling back from a *room-filling* purple dragoness whose horns nearly reached the ceiling. "Rainbow Dash wouldn't shut up about how ‘awesome' lava baths are," Twilight rumbled. "I thought it wouldn't hurt to try it once, and... Well, sometimes it really is the most, ah... *time-efficient* way of getting totally clean!"
"Uh huh," said Fume smugly.
"Suuuure..." said a grinning Fizzle.
Sludge folded his arms. "Oh yeah, we're totally throwing this back in your face the next time you talk like us dragons are just a bunch of uncultured brutes."
Clump belched loudly.
Feeling a bit of dragonish temper from her temporary form, Twilight scowled and breathed violet flames in a huff. "Whatever! Like I care what you losers think! Just don't tell Rainbow."
"Too late!" crowed Rainbow Dash from a window, flashing into her own dragon form. "You and me, Ghastly Gorge dragon air race, this afternoon! Unless you're a scaredy dragon..." She winked and darted away.
"Spell copy!" cried Trixie, forgotten until just now. She flashed into a blue and white baby dragoness, then flopped over from mana exhaustion before she could even brag about it. Instead, she curled up adorably for a nap.
"Arrgh!" Twilight roared and cracked the crystal floor by stamping her paw. Then she froze, and hastily became an Alicorn again. Zap! Trixie was a pony again too. Zap! Trixie was teleported away, presumably to the school nurse's office. Zap! Giant crack in the floor, all fixed. Conveniently, the bathrobe was back too, even though Twilight hadn't removed it before transforming.
"Moving along!" Twilight cleared her throat. "Dragon scale parasites are immune to lava, because why wouldn't they be? Fortunately, there's a magical potion for dragon pest control. You'll have to ask Spike about that..."
Spike was busy sending out invites to the rescheduled World of Horsecraft raid, when a scaly red paw grabbed his swivel chair and spun him around.
"That potion to make scale bugs go away!" gasped Garble. All of the young dragons were winded from their frantic search through the school and then the crystal castle. "We need it! Gimme!"
Spike smirked, leaning back in his chair. "You know, I offered you some when you first got here. What did you say, Garble? You were a real dragon, not some pony-pampered whelp who couldn't stand a little itching?"
"Well, that was before we saw what the scale bugs look like!" whined Sludge, scratching all over himself. "Have mercy!"
"Sure, I can get the potion for you, but..." Spike grinned even more. "I'm not sure you want it. You see, it's made... in Dragon Town!"
The other young dragons were stunned into silence, until Garble finally deadpanned, "I don't care. Three cheers for Lady Mina."
Clump and Fizzle nodded vigorously. "What he said!"
Fume pumped a fist. "Velvet la revolving-alution!"
"I'm not with them," muttered Sludge. "I'm just... coincidentally here at the same time!"
Session 97.10 Unown3
Starlight said, her horn glowing, "And remember... you are poor and misunderstood, you are not evil and malicious."
"I remember... I am poor and misunderstood, not evil and malicious," droned the giant red spider with an eye-patch that had tried to eat Twilight and her friends when they were rescuing the CMC from Chrysalis.
"And don't forget 'I'm with you in the dark.'"
The giant spider got up, and began to wander back to Everfree, now just a misunderstood magical creature rather than a pony-eating monster.
"One more down." Bon Bon marked off a check list.
"I just want you to know, I hated your organization for even existing," Starlight said.
"And I can't believe you remember it existing."
Starlight laughed in defiance. "First rule of brainwashing: be prepared for WHEN, not IF you get brainwashed too."
"Good advice," Love Tap said, dressed all in black like a Neighponese stage hoof. "Too bad you can't just destroy enemies anymore."
"Or lock them away in a secret vault... Tartarus ain't what it used to be," Bon Bon remarked.
"We've all agreed that we need to eliminate as many threats to Princess Twilight's reign as possible, So the only villains left are the inept jerks," Starlight said. "And also make sure all the warmongering and 'worst stereotypes' dragons are no longer a threat as well."
--
"Spike," said Sludge, "I just want to say... I'm sorry for being a complete and utter failure as a father, and even if we might be blood related after all, I have no right to call myself your parent after all I've done. And I will not try to weasel into your personal space or private time."
"Wow... all those friendship lessons must be paying off!"
--
"Well, my son is an Alicorn now, so that's another layer of protection once the princesses abandon their responsibilities."
"Are you saying you'd actually RISK HIM being in danger?" Bon Bon asked.
"Not if I can help it! Why do you think I'm helping YOU and YOU!? One of you was part of a shadow organization who believed in 'ignorance is bliss', and another started the Equalist movement! Oh, and I somehow doubt every single monster you ever locked up and erased the memories of was a memeic parasite that fed on more ponies knowing it existed."
Bon Bon bowed, "Maybe we did go a little overboard on the brainwashing... Lyra and I adopted Tootsie Flute because ... well, she doesn't remember what happened to her blood family. That's all I'll say."
"So who's next on the list?" Starlight asked.
Love Tap said, "Finding targets is getting strangely harder, it's like they're up and vanishing..."
"Think somepony else had the same idea as us?" Bon Bon asked.
"Maybe... but there is one more I think I've been able to find..." Love Tap said.
(NOTE! IT IS BEING FORCED AND ARTIFACTUAL IS THE POINT! IT IS NOT SAYING 'THIS IS SOMEHOW MORE NATURAL'!!!!! I am NOT looking for a fight! This is meant to be an in-universe thought on how odd it is that so many villains are spontaneously switching sides or turning out to be 'good all along' here in the final season. This is NOT 'what really happened', this is fanfiction. And I'd be confused at who is supposed to take over Luna's duties as the dream guardian, since she transparently provided a much needed service for Equestria, and when Celly tried to take over Luna's duties it nearly ended in disaster... but I think we're supposed to pretend that never existed. I am not posting this looking for a fight or looking to alienate readers.)
Session 97.11 Ardashir
"Hey, Spike!" Smolder dropped down by Spike as he sent out the final batch of invites for the new World of Horsecraft raid. She waved around a large envelope. "I got a note from Garble and the others They're still going to Fillydelphia for the scale bug remover."
"You did?" Spike hit the 'enter' key and sent the invites out. He then started deleting the hate mail from angry gamers and non-gamers who'd seen the false message pinning everything on him and his friends, and who decided to jump in on the internet mob scene while they still could. "Okay, what does 'Gar-Gar' have to say?"
Smolder took the letter out and started reading it. "Okay, 'Most ponies have been very polite. They keep giving us directions. Sometimes they even run in the direction we need to go in to help...'"
***
"AHHH! Wild dragons! Run for your lives!"
"Yo, pony, which way is Fillydelphia?" Garble asked one plump pony with a camera hanging around his neck as they dropped on their belly before him. He looked up in fear as the other ponies fled.
"If I tell you do you promise not to eat me??"
"Huh? Yeah, sure." Garble rolled his eyes. "Like I eat ponies -- wait, is that one of those picture-taking boxes? Hey, can I borrow it?" He pointed a claw at the camera. "I want to take some of those 'fo-toes' so I can show everydragon back home..." Garble caught the camera as the pony hurled it and the film at his face before fleeing. "Hey, thanks, pony dude!"
***
"Have been taking photos ever since, BLEAH!" Smolder and Spike both recoiled at a close-up of Sludge's obese form as he laid down, posing in front of a sign reading 'Only one dimension and 1587 miles from Wall Drug Store, last free water before South Dakota Badlands, see our animatronic T-Rex'. In the background horrified ponies looked ready to faint. Smolder turned the photo around and upside down. "Nothing makes him look better. And what's a 'Wall Drug Store'?"
Spike shrugged. "I think Pinkie mentioned me it once. What else does it say?"
"I dunno," Smolder looked closer at the letter. "Something about meeting some crazy gray Earth pony when the others begged Garble to take pictures of them around this giant petrified dragon egg??"
***
"For the last time!" Limestone Pie leaped at the five dragons, swinging a massive iron flail studded with spikes. Her body was encased in centuries-old Earth Pony plate barding for dragon-fighting. Clump and Fume lay on the ground, groaning in pain and nursing their lumps. Garble, Sludge, and Fizzle fled shrieking as the mad mare chased them, the multiple spiked heads of the flail snapping at their heels. "STAY AWAY FROM HOLDER'S BOULDER!"
***
"Did they even reach Fillydelphia yet?" Spike looked at the photo of the beaten dragons, a furious and triumphant Limestone Pie standing atop their heaped bodies.
"According to this?" Smolder tapped the letter. "Just as soon as the Dragontown traitors -- I mean dragons, pay for their bail."
***
In the Dragontown Comic Shop, Mina scowled at the five wild dragons as they scratched helplessly. Garble pleaded. "So, like, you gotta sell us some of that anti-scale bug potion. Dragons gotta stick together, right?"
Mina growled. "Ember is gonna owe me for this one."
Session 97.12 Ardashir
"Are ya sure we should play without Garble here?" Spike asked as they all sat back down to their computers. "I mean, he wanted to be here."
"Sorry, Spike, but we've let this game get too backed up," Twilight sat at her computer, keeping an eye on the Student Six and her friends as they started logging on to CrystalSoft. In the corner a radio played music, tuned in to a Fillydelphia station. "Besides, Garble and his pals were the ones who decided they needed to see Mina so badly, and --"
And a panicked voice broke through on the radio.
"Citizens of Equestria, doomsday is at hand!"
Rainbow Dash groaned and facehoofed. "What, again?" But even she stopped as the announcer continued.
"The Gates of Tartarus have broken down, and dozens of monsters and villains have escaped, ravaging everywhere like dragons, only less awesome!" They heard papers rustling. "Eh, Grogar from that book and guys like Tirek and Chrysalis and that creepy little pegasus filly. And uh, lots of others, I guess."
"Ooh, almost like in the game!" Pinkie Pie said, only to be shushed by everypony else.
"Something about him sounds very familiar," Twilight looked suspicious as she walked to the radio. "Let me see if the other stations are reporting it. Hey!"
Spike held her hoof in his claw. "No, Twi, we need to hear this, it's important!"
"According to early reports, Mount Aris, Yakyakistan, and Griffonstone have been completely destroyed, with no survivors! Uh, the puny Pony Princesses got eaten by some kind of monster, too." As he spoke a Starlight Glimmer and Trixie both galloped into the room, looks of horror on their faces.
Silverstream and Yona both shrieked at the latest news.
"My family! No!" Silverstream dropped, sobbing. A weeping Yona held her, with Ocellus helping her.
"Oh yeah, Dragon Lord Ember got stomped on by a real dragon, I mean monster," a new but oddly familiar voice said. Twilight blinked as she heard it be followed by a slap and a snarl of, "Dude, we said we'd take turns seeing who could freak out the most ponies. So get lost, Clump, I'm not done messing with this radio thing! Oh! Uh," Garble's now identifiable voice spoke up. "Like, that pony cloud city got knocked out of the sky, too. And -- yikes, Mina!"
"What are you rockheads doing??" A door slammed and Mina's voice came snarling over the air. "This radio station is where my Dad works, I told you not to mess with the equipment, Let go of that mike --"
Sounds of struggle came through the radio, followed by a crash, the howl of somedragon feeling an entire generator's worth of electricity run through them, and then only dead air.
Twilight and Starlight sighed in unison and looked at each other.
"I'll go to Fillydelphia to bring them back."
"I'll prepare a statement for everypony they terrified as well as the Princesses." Twilight walked out of the room, shaking her head. "At least nopony will be foolish enough to believe them. I hope."
***
Many miles away, three desperately pleading villains hung over a pit filled with ravenous leeches. Grogar stopped them with a single hoof stomp.
"I have only one question, my minions." He drew them closer, still holding them helpless. "WHICH OF YOU IDIOTS BLABBED?"
(OOC: Based on the infamous 'War of the Worlds broadcast' as well as the 1966 event where some Russian teenager in Kaluga convinced the whole city the nukes were flying with a faked broadcast: https://mysteriousuniverse.org/2017/11/we-control-transmission-mysterious-and-bizarre-broadcast-intrusions/ )
Session 97.13 whitebearboy
(Continued from 96.6)
Fluttershy walked her character through the snowy woods, wondering when she would encounter more monsters to befriend. Just then, she noticed a shadowy figure following the child she controlled. "Oh, who is that?" she wondered, sounding a bit less confident now. The child stepped over a stick laying in the middle of the path, but when she looked back, something else had broken the stick! "This is getting kind of...spooky." Fluttershy gulped. When she came to a bridge with a gate in front of it, she found herself unable to move her character any further, and the shadowy figure she had spotted earlier was closing in from behind. "Oh my, they're sneaking up behind me, are they going to attack?" the pink-haired girl thought fearfully. When the figure was right behind her character, it ordered the child to "turn around and shake my hand" claiming that was how to greet a new pal. Fluttershy watched nervously as her character obeyed without her input.
*phbbbt*
There was a sound like someone passing gas, and her fear vanished as the shadowy figure was revealed to be a goofy-looking skeleton who introduced himself as Sans, he had pranked her with a whoopee cushion in his hand.
"Ha, ha, ha, he's not scary at all, I can't believe I was so scared!" Fluttershy laughed as Sans explained that he was supposed to be on watch for humans, but didn't really care about capturing anybody.
Session 97.14 Mtangalion
Spike blinked several times, gawking. "Uh, Garble? Buddy, pal? You okay?"
Garble was *finally* back at the Friendship Castle after his epic misadventures and being in jail once or twice, and he was sitting in a meditative pose with a blissful smile on his big ugly muzzle. "Oh Spike..." he breathed. "My true, dear friend! I'm only just starting to realize. All those years I spent, so angry at the world, driven to bury my tender artistic soul and be the worst sort of bully... It's all because I had those itchy bugs tormenting me all my life, and now I'm finally free!" He clutched a paw to his chest. "Why, I can feel the light of true friendship shining through!"
Spike gasped and leaned towards him. "R-really!?"
Garble snickered, then guffawed, slapping Spike on the back. "Nah, I'm just messing with you. Now come on, let's log in and get back in the raid already! That phony loser fake me isn't gonna pound himself!"
(An hour and a half later...)
Blackest Flame, Garble's griffon warrior, held "Garble's Hammer Axe" aloft and did the /warcry emote with gusto. "I guess this is a good enough apology," admitted Garble, grinning.
"There, there," said Fluttershy soothingly, directing her druid to cast another Healing Touch on the former Dark Dragon Brawler. In the universal tradition of possessed hero raid bosses, the NPC Garble had shaken off the brainwashing and turned friendly the moment he was pummeled down to one hit point.
Gallus' voice spoke up in their chat channel again. "If you liked that, you're gonna love what comes next. I read ahead in the guide, and..."
"Hey, spoilers!" shouted the human Rainbow Dash.
"Wait..." Prince Shining Armor groaned. "You mean you didn't study up on the next few bosses at all? With those hackers delaying our game, you should have had plenty of time!"
"What?" said Rainbow defensively. "I wanted to be surprised!"
"You mean, totally unprepared to do your best for the group!" countered Shining.
Spike sighed. "I would have studied, but I've been kind of busy. You know, mailing out letters to Mina, sending new raid invites, sending *bail* money..." As he was talking, the raid group moved deep enough into Tartarus to trigger another cinematic intro. "No way..."
Garble just pointed at Spike and yelled "Hah!"
The virtual camera swooped down towards a square platform with a bottomless abyss on every side, and the maniacally laughing purple and green dragon who stood in the very center, surrounded by floating spheres of emerald flame.
(SPIKE, THE CORRUPTED)
(DARK DRAGON MAGE)
Session 97.15 Unown3
"THIS IS STUPID!" Gilda screeched into head phone.
"That Dark Spike here is using green flames to randomly spawn random enemies making trying to form a strategy against him more luck than experience?" Rainbow Dash the human asked.
"No... that Dark Spike thought that fake beard would make him look manly!"
"Oh yeah, true, I can't imagine anyone being that dumb."
"Let's... just keep at it." Spike said from behind his computer screen.
Session 97.16 Mtangalion
(I went back and filled in the battle against Dark Dragon Mage Spike)
Ten wipes later, the Elements of Harmony guild was starting to look beaten-down and covered in soot, as if they'd been blown up trying to catch a cartoon road runner one too many times. But that was just their imagination, surely. The game wasn't advanced enough to show battle damage like that... right?
"Okay..." grumbled Prince Shining Armor. "From the top."
Rainbow Dash went to the trouble of doing a /rolleyes emote. "Dodge the fire bombs, but stack on the super-flame targets so everybody can soak the damage together... because that TOTALLY makes sense." In real life, she was counting off more and more things on her fingers. "Dodge orange markers, dodge more orange markers, dodge LOTS more orange markers, don't forget about the time-delay bombs... and do all this while fighting the totally random summoned monsters! Is that everything?"
"Nope, that's just as far as we've gotten," said Applejack cheerfully. "There's more horseapples after. Ah reckon there's a sixty-three point three three percent chance that Rainbow will be the one to drop dead first. That's repeating, of course."
"That's better than she usually does!" ... said both versions of Gilda at the same time. "Stop copying me. No, YOU stop."
Sci-Twi did a /sigh. "Remember to be careful around the edges of the platform. Even if your character can usually fly, Tartarus is enchanted so only the wardens can fly, and the bad guys have all the warden badges."
"We know, we know!" grumbled Dash. "That's plenty of prep! Can we just pull already?"
Pinkie's character slipped a muffin out of her hair... somehow... and tossed it at the boss. "Whoops, I pulled! Guess we're fighting the boss now!"
(Several minutes later...)
"Ho!" shouted Rainbow, sidestepping a deadly orange danger zone before it even appeared. "Haha!" Orange danger zones popped up left and right, but the pegasus effortlessly danced around every single one of them. "Guard turn parry dodge spin thrust! Piece of cake." She faltered in her steps. "Uh, what's next?"
"Phase 3!" shouted Twilight. "Get ready!"
"Ready for what?!" demanded Rainbow.
Spike the Dark Dragon Mage flapped his wings, rising into the air! "Heh, you guys are pretty good... but Lord Tirek doesn't want anycreature interrupting his plans. Sorry, but you guys are going DOWN!" He fired a spell towards one end of the platform..
Rainbow smirked. "Hah, you missed us!" Then she realized that the rest of the raid was scrambling to the opposite end... just in time for the spell to push that side of the platform down, tipping the whole thing like a seesaw. Most of the guild slid across the platform and stopped short of the edge, but Rainbow was too close, and Sunset barely managed to cast the "Rescue" spell in time to pull her back to safety. "Thanks, I owe you one... Uh, why are you running away?"
Then the platform tipped the opposite way, and this time Rescue was on cooldown, so Rainbow slid straight into the bottomless pit. "Okay, I totally could have dodged that," grumbled Rainbow in the voice chat, while her "unconscious" body was materializing back on the platform... next to the kneeling, defeated Spike. "I just needed another second! Uh, can I get a Revive here?"
Sunset smirked, already digging through Spike's big shiny loot chest. "Walk it off."
Session 97.17 Ardashir
The heroes, together with the now-purified in game Garble and Spike, headed towards the next boss encounter, fighting their way through cherufes and stone dogs along the way.
"Die in the name of our master and mistress!" The blobby lava-bodied monsters roared as they hurled balls of magma yanked from their own bodies. The stone dogs said nothing. They merely charged, smashing into the heroes and savaging them as soon as they fell.
"Dodge their charge and strike them when they stop in confusion!" Shining Armor yelled over the voice link. "And watch out for the lava bombs; when they hit they stick to you."
"Like we didn't notice!" Dash called back. Her character dodged wildly as several cherufe zeroed in on her. They missed, and as the cherufe tried to recover from the assault her friends blasted them down.
"So when do we meet the next boss? Like we need to guess who he is." Dragon-Spike gulped as the horde of monsters began hurrying away and the music changed, turning dark and sinister with a metallic undertone. "Uh, sorry I asked."
"And where's Ember?" Smolder made sure she had her spells ready. "Wasn't she kidnapped at the beginning of all this?" She added gleefully, "Besides, Garble is probably missing his girlfriend by now."
"Don't go there, little sis," Garble growled over the link.
Before them the tunnel widened out into a massive cavern. Ember hung in midair, confined in darkly-glowing magic. Below her stood not one, but two terrible figures.
"Oh, really now!" Rarity huffed as her mage got her own spells ready. "Lavan and Crunch, at once?"
"So! Filthy soft vermin think they here to fight Crunch?" The massive rock dog sneered. It pointed a paw at petrified ponies, griffins, deer, ice wolves and more around the cavern. "Then they join Crunch's collection when he make them not-soft any more, hah!"
"Silence, you ignorant mongrel!" Lavan boomed, still in his giant lava form. "I need but lift a single finger to destroy you all. However, Lord Tirek had an even better idea." With a burbling chuckle he turned to the restrained Ember along with Crunch.
Dark magic flew from them both, sinking into her body as the Dragon lord screamed. In moments her screams turned to snarls of evil as her form changed. She grew larger, her scales turning to jagged ebony and outlined in crimson.
'EMBER, CORRUPTED DRAGON LORD'
'QUEEN OF ASHES'
"No!" The purified Mage-Spike said in the game. "Not our beloved ruler!"
"Darling!" Dragon Brawler Garble said as Blackest Flame made gagging noises over the link. "I swear, my love, we will save you!"
"Hah! Fools!" Ember roared spreading her wings and breathing fire over their heads. "I am the True Spirit of Dragonkind, the ashes of my father's dream of peace! Want! Take! Destroy all else! That is the real dragon way! Now let me demonstrate!"
In a single breath Ember poured fire down over all of them.
And as they fought back none of them noticed how ever time they used magic against her, a small meter reading 'Lavan's Crystal Form' began to fill up.
Session 97.18 Kendell2
"Alright, so who's god is next?" asked Twilight as the group continued setting up the Age of Gods game. So far Trixie and Tempest were getting along as well as she expected and she was beyond grateful to have her older brother (one of the few people she knew that could separate the two if they got into a fight) and Zecora were here to keep things sane. Then again, given how these games normally went, perhaps they'd get a chance to work through their issues...or blow up the entire game room...again...
"I'll go!" said Spike with a smile. "Arcaniss! Dragon God of Magic and Nobility! He guides dragons to be more heroic and noble, though still be dragons. He's a cool guy," he explained, showing the picture of a big strong, amethyst scaled dragon god. "Hey, Tiamat likes STRONG dragons, doesn't really care if they're noble, and Bahamut likes it...Oh, and Neutral Good."
"Nice," Twilight said with a smile, looking at the little dragon. She had always been surprised that Queen Tiamat had allowed a dragon to attend the School of Friendship...naturally, it had turned out to be mostly Bahamut's idea. Dragon God with dominion over Wisdom vs his wife's Instinct made that little surprise. It was little wonder that the big guy was the one of the two to go out and handle diplomatic stuff while his wife held down the fort in the actual homeland of the dragons. Not that Tiamat couldn't be diplomatic, Celestia had tea with her often and she'd been civil during the games she'd come for, but there was the legendary story of Ambassador Screaming Ninny, who was last scene being the Mother of All Dragons' snack for mouthing off to her. Funnily enough it seemed reports couldn't decide which head swallowed him.
"Okay, so Fizzlepop, you're last..." said Twilight, looking to the unicorn.
Trixie looked ready to have a witty jab at whatever the former Storm King minion came up with, much to Twilight's jargon.
After a few moments of consideration, Fizzlepop put a picture on the table that rendered Trixie genuinely speechless.
An Alicorn with her coat color, naturally, with proper, beautiful armor, and generally extremely muscular. Not surprising at first...until one got to the forehead where a broke horn was still present.
"...Her name is Princess Gilia. She's the Goddess of Overcoming Disabilities and Patron Goddess of Cripples. She travels the land helping ponies and other creatures who have been crippled or disabled, helping them overcome them and become better..." said Fizzlepop, her voice even and clear, almost stoic.
"But...but..." Trixie stuttered, looking confused. "B-But you can be whatever God you want! Why...why would you..."
Fizzlepop looked at her. "...Because maybe I still want to become an Alicorn and be one that makes sure no pony goes what I went through again..."
Trixie prepared a retort...before Twilight cleared her throat. "Very good, Tempest...I mean that," she said with a smile.
"Thanks...glad someone feels that way," Fizzlepop replied, her and Trixie sharing a glare.
The Showmare, noticing the looks, decided not to push the issue and risk losing face... "...Well, whatever..."
"Now, let's work on the worshipers and then get started..." said Twilight...before casting the highest level exorcism, banishment, and purification spells she was physically capable of casting on the game to make sure another evil god didn't get involved.
Everyone stared at it for a moment...then Zecora made a purification circle around it just to make sure.
"Thanks Zecora..." said Twilight.
"You're quite welcome, my friend, I would not like in disaster this game to end," Zecora replied.
Session 97.19 Unown3
(spoilers Daring Doubt)
"Are we really going to do this?" Bon Bon asked. "AK Yearling did so many services for Equestria, saving Equestria from the lich queen, that most don't even know about. Demonizing her like this... "
"It's for the greater good," Maternity said. "I'm a ninja, being the 'bad guy' is something I accepted as part of my job."
"I WILL DESTROY YOU AND EVERY PONY ALIVE!" Ahuizotl roared.
It had taken all three of them to capture him alive. Starlight had new respect for Daring Do facing this monster on a regular basis.
"Well," Starlight said. "The straps are holding. Time for me to get started."
Bon Bon looked over the checked. "But why give him a higher pitched voice?"
"Makes him sound less evil," Starlight shrugged.
Maternity said, "Still surprised you didn't ask me to drag Caballeron down here."
Bon Bon said, "He's like Flim and Flam, he goes where the money leads. As soon as it's more profitable for him to do honest work, he'll flip sides. If there's one good thing about greedy ponies, it's how reliably predictable they are."
Starlight's horn glowed. "Don't worry GUARDIAN Ahuizotl, you won't remember any of this soon enough."
"GAURDIAN!? What the Tartarus are you even talking about!?" The ancient beast snarled.
"So happy you asked," Starlight said, her horn and eyes glowing.
Session 97.20 Unown3
(spoilers Daring Doubt)
"Welcome. The forth members of our cabal." Bon Bon said simply. "We don't have t-shirts, being a cabal at all, but Maternity bakes cookies every other meeting, and I provides sweets."
YK Yearling sigh, "I'm sure I'll like them... Looks my career as a writers is over. Who knew Ahuizotl could be an exceptional author."
"He's just the new big thing," Starlight said. "Ponies always fixate on new fads. You still have a fanatical fan base, or rather, Daring Do does."
"I really wish you'd told me about all this BEFORE! I knew Ahuizotl believed everything he said since he couldn't lie... Creatures are wrong when being honest all the time. Tracking you down sure was easy..."
Bon Bon said, "It was supposed to be. I practically invited you here. And we brought you here so we could apologize."
Maternity said, "Just because we did this doesn't mean we like it."
Starlight sighed, "This is to protect Twilight's reign."
AK Yearling said, "So you've been 'cleaning house' of all the trouble makers one by one?"
Maternity said, "Those we can find."
Starlight said, "Which is ALSO why you're here. We're serious that we're sorry. But giving Ahuizotl a completely different motivation and goals was the only real way to get him to change."
"What about Caballeron?"
"That was ALL Fluttershy! ... " Starlight said. "I've honestly found it weird that she was ale to reform Discord, DISCORD! Who drove ponies insane because he was bored! ... AND CELESTIA DIDN'T THINK to have her try to reform Cozy Glow or Tirek!!!!"
Daring Do said, "You think being blasted three times with the Elements, twice to petrify him, once to restore him, subtly gave him an attitude adjustment?"
Starlight shuddered."I really really really really really really REALLY hope that is NOT the case, AT ALL, since we have enough forces out there who try to brainwash ponies 'for their own good.'"
"Like you?"
"Like us." Starlight said sadly. "The point is, it's just odd Celestia never thought to have Fluttershy gives reformation therapy to THEM. Discord was a sadistic bully. Tirek is an entitled bully. And Cozy Glow is a manipulative bully. And Chrysalis is a racist bully. I honestly never got why Celestia never let Fluttershy try to reform them... "
"So besides inviting me here for an apology, why?"
"Basically," Maternity said. "To let you know that you should still do what you do best. Hunt down and lock away loose or vulnerable evil or cursed artifacts. Only now without a thief or a monster at your back."
"... That will make my job easier. You guys do realize you're likely to become the NEXT big shadowy threat right?"
Starlight said, "That's why we're going to erase our own memories of everything once we're done so we don't begin 'taking care of' POTENTIAL trouble makers."
"Ah. That include erasing my memories?"
"No."
Session 97.21 Ardashir
To celebrate Ahuitzotl's kind-of-redemption, Dash and Fluttershy had -- very carefully -- invited him to game night.
Unfortunately they hadn't considered just what sort of games to play.
"WHA-AA-AT?" Ahuitzotl tossed down his controller in disgust. He pointed at the screen with his third hand. "What have I done to deserve this insult?? It is not enough I see books written by that thief Daring Do in your library where they will poison the minds of children --"
***
In the library, Twilight sobbed over her once-beloved Daring Do books as Spike stood nearby, a box of tissues in his claw.
"Fake," the Princess of Friendship sobbed. "All fake!"
***
"But now you mock me by presenting me with my greatest enemy from the days before Daring Do!"
"Uh," Dash looked at the screen. All she saw was the usual set-up screen for the game The Mare In the Silver Mask Saves The World Again Part XCVII. "Okay, Zottie, I don't get it. That's just Mexicolt's greatest luchador, and --" She shut her mouth with an audible gulp as the monster growled.
"Her!" Ahuitzotl stabbed a claw at El Santo like it was an obsidian knife. "Years ago! I tried to protect my sacred valley by raising a volcano through Mexicolt City, and she challenged me to a three falls match. And won! So I had to return to my pyramid and allow that tomb to be plundered."
"Huh?" Dash remembered something Twi told her. "Hey, wasn't that the store of artifacts that they built the Mexicolt Museum of Antiquities around? And, hey!" She frowned as Ahuitzotl waved his third claw dismissively, "How does trying to destroy a whole city fit in with 'just defending my valley'?"
"And if you wanted ponies to know about your culture, wouldn't studying the less sacred artifacts teach them? Not that I'm telling you what to do, of course." Fluttershy hurriedly added, fluttering back out of reach as Ahuitzotl shook his fist at the screen.
"Ponies can know what I want them to know about my people," he sniffed and waved one claw. "And the city, eh, what is one city less here and there?"
Before either pony could say more screams sounded in the hallway. Sandbar came staggering in.
"Out there.. in the hall..." He turned green. "No head, torn open chest, beating heart!" His eyes rolled up and he collapsed in a heap as Ahuitzotl clapped his claws and laughed.
"I knew my display for your upcoming 'Night of the Dead' would impress the little ones!" He walked into the hall and returned with something that made even Dash turn green -- a massive thing like a headless and fleshless Yeti, its rib cage hanging open, and a beating heart that dripped blood in the middle of it. Ahuitzotl patted it affectionately. "Lord Smoking Mirror, you never fail to impress!"
Dash finally forced her gorge back down. Fluttershy tried to revive Sandbar. "Yeesh, Zottie, why would you leave some terrifying thing with a fake beating heart like that sitting out in the hallway where the students could see it?"
Ahuitzotl blinked.
"What fake?"
Session 97.22 Unown3
"So.... " Spike said over his microphone to his raid mates as they were now in the boss battle with the corrupted Ember. "Is this a boss battle where we get the bad ending if we take out Ember? Like Shining Armor back in the Crystal Empire expansion?"
"We took out Spike and Garble who were corrupted just by punching the curse out of them!" Gilda The Human said.
"That does suggest a fall in quality of the gameplay, or a dissonance between the writing staff," REAL_Princess said.
"Wouldn't you know about that Twilight? The Ascension story pack WAS what they hired you and Sunset to work on!" Rainbow Dash asked. "Hey! Do you know any insider tips?!"
"It's not like I was privy to every boss fight design!" REAL_Princess said. "I"m just saying that after we had to come up with a unique way to save Prince Shining Armor, just beating up victims of corruption to free them feel contrived."
"Thanks," human Shining Armor said.
Session 97.23 Unown3
"PRINCE BUTTON MASH!"
"Whao! What's with that flash of light and... whao!" Button Mash looked up... at himself? As a teenage colt? "COOL! Waaaaaiiit! You can't be me! You don't have mustache!"
"You save Sweetie Belle's life five times when she first played Cavecraft, and she still thinks she saved your life!"
Okay, Button Mash knew he'd never told anyone that!
"This time travel spell doesn't last long! Legend of Cadence Maker will never be as long as Delete Command is criticizing the Tile Dungeon in Shining's Awakening Remake! You're it's only hope!" Teenage Prince Button Mash began to vanish in white light. "Oh! And mom says to tell mom to punch Discord in the fac-" He vanished.
"... I wonder what that last part was about! No time to think! Gotta save Legend of Cadence Maker!"
---
"And that is why the Tile Dungeon section of the new version of Shining's Awakening is merely padding, a waste of your time, and doesn't even offer any final reward when you've completed them all!" Said a gray pegasus stallion with a 'delete' key symbol for his cutie mark, his male an almost neon blue. Speaking to his audience about his review of the latest game.
"OBJECTION!" Came the echoing voice of Prince Button Mash. (Even if he technically hadn't had a coronation yet). He teleported dramatically in front of the crowd of gamer ponies. "The Tile Dungeon DOES have a reward! The reward of the act of creation! They aren't Diggy's Tile Dungeons, they're YOUR Tile Dungeons! And given Shining's Awakening's theme of dreams, the Tile Dungeon's often resulting bizarre experience fits perfectly! After all, dreams are our experiences pulled together and then us trying to put them into a shape that makes sense! And what reward would it even be? Better armor? Better weapon? A nice shiny horse-apple? At that point in the game, all that's left anyway is to enter the final dungeon. And it would distract from the truth. Do we ask what 'final reward' we get to 'finishing' Ponario Brothers Maker? Acts of creation aren't meant to be 'finished' for a prize. The creation itself is SUPPOSED to be the reward! So says Button Mash! Prince of Gaming!"
Session 97.24 Mtangalion
The ponies at the "Shining's Awakening" discussion panel stared for nearly five whole seconds, then burst out laughing.
An overweight unicorn shook his head. "That's real cute, kid... but anypony at these gaming conventions can put on a cheap costume and brag about being the prince of whatever. It doesn't mean anything."
An earth pony that could have been related to Mudbriar gave him a pitying glance. "Any insight you might have concerning this game is surely not unique or insightful. Gamers like myself were playing the original Ponicon version of the game before you were even born."
The pegasus with the delete key cutie mark nodded smugly. "I'm a professional game reviewer, working at a successful gaming magazine, and... who did you say you were again?"
Button Mash had all but withered beneath the verbal assault... but now he stood up straight again, grinning sharply. "I just told you who I am. Maybe I'd better tell you in a way you won't forget!" He lit his horn, focusing... and the entire convention floor began to warp and twist!
"What the... !?" The unicorn found himself in a big shiny race kart, one that seemed familiar somehow. More gamers and the reviewer were in similar karts, gathered at some kind of starting line. "Wait, is this... Ponio Cart Racing?!!" A tone beeped, counting down, and his hoof moved by itself, jamming the gas pedal down all the way. "It's a trick!" he stammered. "That colt's got a mark for illusions!"
"It sure feels real to me!" screamed the earth pony, as his cart looped through the other convention halls, then outside the building, doing a vertical loop that shouldn't have been possible even with magic. From there, the track flew on rainbows right into the sky, then plunged into the ocean before resurfacing and looping back to the convention hall. "I think I'm gonna be... urk!"
"Whatever stunt you're trying to pull," declared the game reviewer, "I'm going to give this phony game a very low score indeed!" His car promptly got bombed right off the track by mushrooms, respawning in last place.
Session 97.25 Mtangalion
Discord tapped a Canterlot Chronicle headline with a claw... NEW ALICORN PRINCE?! GAMING CONVENTION MADNESS! ... as he glared down at Button Mash. "I have just one thing to say to you!"
Button gulped. "W-what's that?"
Discord grinned devilishly. "Good job!" Confetti and streamers burst forth, and the air was filled with the sounds of whistles, fireworks, and cowbells. Another flash-pop, and Discord wore a pitch-black hooded robe. "You have done well, my young apprentice," he rasped. "With your burgeoning powers and talent for chaos, you probably don't even need the rest of your Discord Favors..."
Button booped Discord's nose."Nice try, but I'm keeping those."
Discord shrugged, tossing the robe away. A cat yowled 'off-screen' where the robe landed. "It was worth a shot..."
Session 97.26 Kendell2
The group decided, given the length of the campaign, to take a break and relax a bit.
Twilight introduced Bright Eyes and Starlight to books she really liked.
Rarity was giving Bon Bon pointers on her intended modeling career, which the younger pony took to quite well.
"Wow, Applejack, I didn't know you knew medicine," said Sweetheart, sitting next to Applejack.
The farmer gave a chuckle. "When you live on a farm, you need tah know a thing or two."
Melody chuckled, listening to Shining tell a story Twilight knew very well. "Wow, sounds like you got off a big show for your lady."
Shining nodded. "Yeah, and she still liked it despite everything...never really got into music though, just wasn't my thing...of course people in our universe burst into song spontaneously."
"Huh, so does ours," Melody replied. "And yeah, I can dig that. Everyone has their own thing. Nothing wrong with that...what is your thing?"
"Being the co-ruler of a lost empire." Shining chuckled at Melody's face.
Rainbow Dash on the other hoof, introduced Clover and Patch to Ponymon, which as it turned out didn't exist in their own universe. She had extra copies specifically so she could have additional teams (an advantage one tended t have when they were a Wonderbolt and thus made a good bit of money).
"So, how you doing, Clover?" Patch asked, looking over.
"I think I'm doing okay, but I'm not sure," Clover replied.
"Huh...why are all your Pokemon different colors than mine?" the prankster asked.
Rainbow Dash blinked, looking over. Her jaw dropped. "You have an entire team of Shiny Ponymon?!"
Clover blinked. "I guess...what does that mean?"
"They're really rare Ponymon who are only supposed to happen like one in a thousand!"
"Actually the correct probability in that generation is 16/65536 or 1/4096," replied Twilight helpfully.
"Wow..." Clover replied. "I just thought they looked nice..."
"Even your...FEMALE starter?" said Rainbow Dash. "...How far are you even into the game?"
"...I'm just about to go into the first gym..."
"...Tell me when you can trade..."