Session 100.0 Mtangalion Ardashir Unown3
"Pardon me!" shouted Prince Blueblood, waving the card in his hoof at one of the casino staff. "Look here, what's the meaning of this?" The card featured a solid black rectangle in an elaborate frame, captioned as ‘The Void.' "My compatriots and I came here to play poker, not have our fortunes told."
Inky black mist poured out of the card, silently taking shape. Blueblood didn't even notice until other patrons started whispering and pointing. He turned his head to behold… "Miss Maud Pie?!"
"Doctor," deadpanned Maud. "I have a rocktorate." She glanced around. "This is awkward."
"I say!" exclaimed Fancy Pants. "Magical cards that summon attractive young mares? Mind if I give it a go?" He snatched up a card, but frowned as he turned it over. "Sloth? That's not very promising..." The stallion faded away, vanishing with a soft pop.
-
"What in blazes?!" shouted Fancy, gawking at the mountains upon mountains of clutter that surrounded him on every side, like the home of an incurable hoarder scaled up to the size of a kingdom. "How did I come to such an awful…" His eyes bulged. "D-D-Discord?! Ah, did I say awful? My good chap, what I really meant was…"
The draconequus put the video game on his theater-sized screen on pause, looking supremely peeved. "Ugh, a mortal. A stupid one, too, showing up without an invite. First of all, Anarchy. *Not* my brother." He tapped his mismatched downward-curving horns. "Totally different parts, see?" He unpaused his game, shaking his head. "Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, you can't die here, cause buck all that paperwork."
Fancy Pants gulped. "Can I, er… challenge you to a game of chess, or some such? Win my freedom?"
"I'll take you home if you beat me at Super Ponio Brothers," muttered Anarchy, without looking away from the screen. "That's what I'm playing anyway."
Fancy gritted his teeth. "But… this place is unbearable! Please tell me you at least have a cleaning staff!"
Anarchy smirked, idly snapping his claws and turning Fancy's elegant tuxedo into a butler's uniform. "Good idea. That's you now."
Fancy stalked away, muttering under his breath. "Well, at least I didn't turn into a maid, like all those tabloid stories of what Celestia supposedly does to lazy guards."
-
Back in the Las Pegasus casino, a wide-eyed stallion in a cheap suit and tie seemed to get lost in the curtains before blundering out onto a small stage. He struck a pose, but in the spreading chaos, everycreature took him for just another standup comic, until he harrumphed, sparking his horn *and* flaring his wings. Another tarot card fluttered to the carpet… the Fool.
"I tell ya, these days even Alicorns get no respect!" Puerilis shook his head. "I came all this way, and it is just me or is this place kinda dead tonight? I mean, it's so dead, Mortis is over there at the bar."
"Oh, I'm not working tonight," said the black-coated Alicorn thestral. "Except for that stallion in the next room who's going to stake everything on one spin of the roulette wheel and be posthumorously declared the second richest pony in Equestria."
Prince Blueblood raised a hoof hesitantly. "You mean… posthumously?"
The female draconequus on Mortis' arm, wearing a blood red dress with lots of sequins and matching high heels, grinned sharply. "No. No, it's going to be extremely entertaining. For me, anyway."
Puerilis clapped his hooves. "Seriously, a big round of applause for Death himself, in some parts of the multiverse at least, and his lovely wife!" There was a scream and a loud thud from somewhere. "Watch out though, this can be a pretty rough joint! If those two don't get you, your bar tab might!"
+++
And as madness was breaking forth in Los Pegasus, elsewhere in Equestria:
***
"Mistress!" The new military commander of Swarm Chrysalis saluted his queen. She bared her snaggle fangs in a smile as she looked over the hoard of True Changelings before her. All with perfect ebon carapaces, fangs bared, lean and starved and vicious. "The Swarm is ready to fly on your command!"
Chrysalis laughed as she dreamed of finally, finally taking her revenge on the lowly cattle that had balked her so many times. She used her magic to pick up one last figurine from her days of, ugh, playing with those filthy ponies. Pinkie Pie and Rarity had hoof-made it for her, of her epic level half-succubus sorcerer-rogue. As it melted in her magic, she said just one word.
***
Elsewhere in Grogar's cavern, two fillies played a game of chess. Right now they were using stone pieces, but they would soon be playing it with real live ponies.
"Cozy Glow," Ira gave her best friend in the world a hug, "how long before we watch my big brother and his allies destroy the Crystal Empire and turn Flurry Heart into our mind-controlled playmate?" She pointed excitedly at the 'toys' they would use on Flurry and the others, things not normally seen outside of a torture chamber.
Cozy Glow gave Ira the biggest and most innocent smile ever as she unknowingly repeated what Chrysalis said.
***
In another chamber, Tirek laughed as he used his magic to incinerate that silly game the pink annoyance had played with him and his traitor brother. "I can't wait to see the look on her revolting face when I do that to her copy, right in front of her eyes! When I let her see how much good all her sickening sweetness did!" He cackled and rubbed his massive hands together with glee. "And then that traitor Scorpan. I'll serve him as I did Vorak and Haydon!" His eyes glowed as he remembered their final screams. "I can't wait for it to happen!"
He repeated what the other two had said.
***
In one last final chamber, Grogar scowled into his copy of the speaking mirror he'd given to the resurrected Storm King. "Well? Is your army ready yet or not?"
"Oh, hey, it's going great!" The Storm King cackled and rubbed his paws together. Behind him a horde of Yetis marched onto his new airships, eager to sack and burn. Two of them dragged a shackled Tempest and Grubber along. The Storm King sneered to see them. "I'll be keeping my two backstabbers close, no need to let them get away. I should be hitting Griffonstone first to take out any allies Equestria has there and then it's right for Canterlot. Moving along the coast inside a storm cloud to keep things quiet, like you suggested," when Grogar cocked an eyebrow, the Storm King's face broke into a disgusted snarl as he added, "Master."
"Very well," Grogar snapped. "Just follow my plan and maybe this time you won't end up a shattered statue in Canterlot." He prepared to break the link, but stopped and sneered, "Are you not a loyal slave?"
The Storm King's face turned purple, veins bulging in his eyes, before he bowed and choked out, "Yes, master."
Grogar broke that connection and set another. His brow turned black as a thundercloud when he saw a donkey playing a game of solitaire. "Bray! You idiot!"
The donkey choked, tried to prostrate himself, and set the cards away all at once. Grogar just coldly asked, "Are my armies ready to march?"
"Of course, oh Mighty Master of All," Bray said obsequiously as he tried to somehow press himself even deeper into the cracks of the stone floor beneath him. He dared to look up. "When shall I command them to open the gate and invade Equestria?"
Grogar said what Chrysalis had said, what Cozy Glow and Tirek had said.
"Soon. Very, very soon!"
++++
In their cavernous sweatshop, The clone, Meanjack asked, "So, Twilight, when are we NOT gonna rise up and either get our freedom from Chrysalis, or die trying so at least we can say we died free?"
Mean Twilight said darkly, "Soon... and on all these damn creatures, mortals and gods alike, who have treated us, and those like us, like we aren't even alive... Revenge on them, ALL!"
++++
Rainbow Dash waved, and said jovially, "Hey, as Scootaloo's biological parents, and the mares who were bucking supposed to be looking after her, not hoofing her off to different care takers six days off the week, and it turns out you moving to Ponyville wasn't that big a deal and you could have done it before hoof before Scootaloo had to make a big deal out of it, and NONE OF YOU noticed that Scootaloo had put out the paperwork to be adopted by MY family instead.... I just want to say I'm finally ready to settle this... or rather, my lawyer is, Celestia personally suggested him."
"Hello, I am Ponythulu of Ponythulu and Dagon at Law... I will be defending Miss Rainbow Dash's case of her family having legal guardianship of Miss Scootaloo... " The ominous Outer God's shadow loomed over Scootaloo's biological family.
+++
"So how did it go?" Soarin' asked. He and Rainbow Dash now sitting at a Wonderbolts favored Saltlick.
Rainbow Dash said, "Well... they summoned Nyarlathotrot to be THEIR lawyer... the court house nearly got sucked onto planes of existence with no name and nearly absorbed by the Blind Idiot Concept... And the five Princesses all got together and this cool epic cosmic battle that you had to be there to see!"
"The Princesses all did something cool and I missed it?! DAMMIT!"
"Yep!" Rainbow nodded. "And long story short, the universe wasn't destroyed, and Scootaloo is now legally my sister, her biological family still has full visitation rights... And... mom and dad moved to Ponyville... but thankfully they're now focused on giving Scootaloo the encouragement she deserves."
"Sounds like things managed to work out great for you," Lightning Dust said, still wearing her support Wonderbolts uniform. She wasn't sure how to talk about the strange nightmares she'd been having lately, of being thrown out of the Wonderbolts instead of just being demoted, forming her own team, and stealing Scootaloo from Rainbow Dash with incredibly dangerous stunts... and then some ghostly wolf coming along and eating her... Thank Celestia they were just nightmares.
+++
"Locust," Chrysalis said.
"Yes my queen."
"You have stayed loyal to me when nearly all my children abandoned and betrayed me and were bewitched and corrupted... " Chrysalis sighed. "Before the invasion begins, I want you to take Pupa, and my other heirs, take a detachment of my new children with you... And leave Equestia until such time as it is under our complete control, or I have been utterly defeated."
Locust startled. "My queen... why?"
"I will not have my most precious babies corrupted like nearly all of our kind has been. If I am defeated or," Chrysalis shivered. "Corrupted. I am trusting you to raise them into the oncoming storm that the next generation of ponies will fear. If I am to be denied victory, I will ensure that Twilight Sparkle's battle to keep peace in her realm will be a never-ending one."
Locust hesitated, but bowed. "As my queen commands me."
"And if I am victorious," Chrysalis held up a book titled 'The Real Story of Daring Do' by Ahuizotl, "The SECOND thing I'm doing after turning Starlight Glimmer into an loveless husk is get this STUPID book declared non-canon!"
Locust, as a fan of Daring Do himself, said, "For that alone my queen, I wish for nothing short but total victory for you!"
+++
"FINALLY THEY GOT THE SWIMMING BUGS FIXED!" Human Rainbow Dash declared epically.
"Then let's do this!" Princess Twilight declared. And they completed the start of the seapony/merpony Quest again, only this time, they were successful in getting past the water tutorial stage, and placed in the mass Seapony vs Merpony battle, intended to last until the party could reunite with each other, (a hard task since they were made to look like mook enemies to each other, to drive home the point of how war blinds us) and get the two sides to realize their 'advisors' had tricked them into this war.
"Oooooh Princess Twilight!" Came Adagio's singsong voice.
Twilight groaned. "How in the Tartarus did you get my voice chat for World of Horsecraft?"
"That's for me to know," Adagio said sweetly, like the attractive scent of a carnivorous plant. "The point is... we may or may not have learned something that might be vital for your survival as a species..."
"What?" Twilight asked. Adagio wasn't never one to make those kind of bluffs.
"Uh uh uh!" Twilight say Adagio's WoH character do the finger-wag emote that was still in testing, but for employees like herself (and Princess Twilight) they were allowed its use early. "If you want to know, you'll going to have to make some concessions."
"... What?"
"I'm not bloody dying of old age on this bloody alien world!" Adagio snarled. "AS A GODDESS BOUND BY YOUR WORD (and that stupid Pinkie Promise): you will annul any so-called crimes your kind might have against us, and allow us to return to the rest of Father Dagon's sirens, and rejoin the rest of our kind in the Dark Ocean."
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"
"Your choice princess... but I promise you, on my word as a daughter of Father Dagon and Mother Hydra, you WILL regret not taking me up on my generous offer! So I SERIOUSLY suggest you take me up on this VERY fair trade! I will tell you everything I know, as is the spirit of our agreement, and you do as I wish you to do, as is the spirit of our agreement. No tricks of words. We just want to go home, and YOU just want your friends to keep on living!"
Session 100.1 Unown3
"So Big Mac... what's it like to be married to three mares at once?" Applejack asked.
"Let's just say it's a good thing I'm known for my stamina."
+++
"And I'll never rob or steal again, and turn myself in to the police," said the now brainwashed Rough Diamond who had framed Trixie in Manehattan for a diamond robbery as just one in a long line of robberies, even using Princess Luna herself as a fall-pony once!
Suri was also writing apology letters to Rarity and to her Equalized Clone, Buttons.
"And that's that for her," Maternity Love Tap said, wearing her black ninja uniform.
Sweetie Drops observed, "You know, once we erase our own memories after Princess Twilight becomes Queen, we'll lose the bonds we ourselves have made with each other in this ordeal."
Starlight Glimmer sighed. "That is the price we have to pay to make sure no villains rise to threaten Twilight's rule, including ourselves."
Session 100.2 Mtangalion
Twilight leaned back in her computer chair, yawning profusely. "Well, so much for that theory." With a flick of her finger, she levitated a dry erase marker to her whiteboard and crossed-out a line of text. "I carried the Sparks of Hope and Trust all over Ponyville in game, and not a single NPC had any new reaction!"
Behind her, Shining Armor was floating in midair, sitting in a meditative pose atop a large glowing magenta bubble. Smaller bubbles bobbed up and down around the young man, including one containing Spike the Dog, who was happily running full tilt and not getting anywhere because his paws only made the bubble spin. Shining sighed. "I'm as eager to know more as you, Twily, but they probably won't do anything until CrystalSoft patches in more of the plot."
Twilight groaned, tugging on her hair. "You're probably right, but… ugh, that's not how a consistent universe is supposed to work!" She glanced over her shoulder, blinked, and spun her chair around. "Do you really need tips on using your Equestrian magic, BBBFF? Or did you just want to get out of the house for a while?" She folded her arms, smirking. "You seem pretty good at that already."
Shining raised his hands, caught. "When failure means having to smell Flurry's used diapers… you'd improve quickly too!"
Twilight chuckled, rolling her eyes. "What about those other guilds who defeated Dark Ember before us? Tell me about them."
"You think they might know something we don't, huh?" Shining Armor shrugged. "Well, the number three guild is Icehome Pack. They're a strange bunch... No drama, consistent full roster, and they never publicly recruit..."
In a cavern deep beneath Equestria's frozen north, kept warm by the body heat of twenty diamond wolves and their human-built computers, Prince Erik howled for attention. "Wolves, raid time is here! Let's defeat bosses again for great loot and pride of pack!"
"Wolves know plan, all report ready!" barked Iosef. "Pulling boss in six seconds! Wolves!"
"Fight as one!" roared everywolf in the room together.
Garble the Dragon Brawler fell before their coordinated assault in record time.
"And then there's Crystal Legion," mused Shining. "Their guild leader, CrystalEmperor, is, well… somewhat notorious in the community, but he gets results."
"You… idiots!" snarled CrystalSoft President Sombra into his microphone. He gripped his computer monitor in both hands, as if he sincerely wanted to throttle someone. "Did you learn to play a rogue yesterday?! Stop screwing up your rotation, or you're fired from this raid team!!"
Shining nodded to himself. "But the guild that always wins the world-first race is Team No-Life."
Twilight frowned. "Shining, that isn't very nice."
"I wasn't putting them down," protested Shining Armor. "That's their actual guild name."
"Must... train for next Crystal Con tournament!" droned Micro-Chips. He and his friends stared zombie-like at their monitors, clicking and mousing away. "Only eleven months to go!"
Session 100.3 Unown3
(Parody of Octopath Traveler)
"Save me brave heroes! Save me!" NPC Lady Diamond Tiara cries out desperately, surrounded by bones in a tiny clearing of the Everfree Forest. Count Spoiled Rich having put out a handsome bounty for her safe return.
Scholar Twilight Sparkle looked at the rest of her adventure party. "Okay, this time we're gonna beat the Devourer of Ponies! ... I know we were obliterated last time, but this we'll win for sure!"
"Yes sir Twilight!" Apple Bloom The Merchant said, still a little filly, the manual said her character was supposed to be 19... but Twilight Sparkle considered that as dubious as the title of that 'Collage High Dating System' game Spike had imported from Neighpon, wouldn't be the first time imported characters had their ages increased by silly amounts to appeal the local culture.
Apple Bloom was dressed up mage robes, giving them effective two offensive spell casters instead of one. Due to a quirk in the game, and the designer of this enchanted comic apparently not hearing that enchanted comics could handle more than four ponies at once, they were limited to half their party at all times for no reason given whatsoever.
This mean Rarity The Dancer (Spike wanted to play just so he could see Rarity in that outfit in spite of Rarity going around naked most of the time anyway). Trixie The Thief (Trixie felt like she was being type cast). Pinkie Pie The Apothecary, and Applejack the Hunter, were all side lined. To make up for this, party members could duel class.
Also, party members on the sidelines couldn't earn experience on their own, making it MORE annoying.
"NO LOSING THIS TIME!" Rainbow Dash the warrior swore.
"I hope we can save her now," Fluttershy the cleric said.
The ponies set foot into the clearing.
"OH NO! It's come back!" NPC Lady Diamond Tiara shouted in horror.
And out come the Devourer of Ponies, a reskin of another optional boss monster, but this one was purple instead of green. It also two came with recycled sprites of the common monsters in the Everfree, killer spider-spore creatures.
Thankfully, Apple Bloom wasn't the party member eaten on the first turn (it was Rainbow Dash). No chance to dodge, no defense with 'immunity to instant death'. You were simply trapped until you hit the Devourer of Ponies enough times with its weaknesses so it lost a turn.
Apple Bloom and Twilight right away began to cast fire on the plant monster, getting Rainbow Dash back in one turn... except...
"DID IT JUST CHANGE WEAKNESSES?!" Apple Bloom exclaimed. Rather than just now having more shields, it now had fewer and different weaknesses too. Which mean Twilight had to waste turns trying to figure out what they were!
"The minions keep sucking out our HP and healing themselves!" Rainbow Dash swore.
Then the boss hit them with a dark magic spell that hit twice, making abilities half the party had that let them keep one HP when hit by a powerful attack worthless. Rainbow Dash's 'cover injured friend' save Apple Bloom from the second attack at the cost of her own character. And Twilight herself was KO'ed. Then the monsters rammed into Apple Bloom taking her out. One spore used 'exploding spore' (which sadly wasn't a kamikaze attack) taking out Apple Bloom. Then a charge from the spore took out Fluttershy.
The ominous smoking red 'Game Over' screen appeared in their vision and they were spat out of the comic, again.
Rainbow Dash said rubbing her head. "Can I just list off how many ways that boss fight isn't fair?"
"Maybe we should just come back to it after we've finished more of the story? Like that underwater cave that insanely high and right next to the starting area?" Applejack asked.
"BUT IT'S RIGHT THERE!" Twilight exclaimed. "We have the tools! We're twelve levels higher than the 'danger level' of the Everfree, WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WIN!" Twilight's hair went funny and her eye twitched. "Come on girls! Let's try again!"
The ponies all shuddered.
Session 100.4 Ardashir
"Twilight, I have a question." Starlight trotted into the Headmistress' office and frowned. Twilight was seated at her desk, a pile of papers before her. She was ignoring them, glaring at the computer screen aglow beside her. Its cord ran into the cable extending back into the world mirror, as did all the many others being used in the Friendship School. Nearby a plastic pony-high tower stood, light blinking on it. "What is that?"
"Just a moment, Starlight," Twilight said as she pressed one key on her computer. The machine made a musical noise and she clapped her hooves with glee. "Hah! Take that, Kasparov! I love unwinding with this new Chess Grandmaster program. So, Starlight," Twilight smiled at her student, "what's wrong?"
Starlight cleared her throat and pointed at the tower. "Is that some new magical artifact?"
"Huh? Oh, no," Twilight trotted over to the tower. "That's the new high-power Wireless connection for the computers we got from Sunset. It allows the computers to access the Internet for our games or anything else anywhere in Ponyville without needing to be plugged in." She pointed at the mass of black cords entering the glowing gate, extending through the magically stabilized Einstein-Rosen bridge to Canterlot High's reality. "We'll be able to do away with those any day now."
"How much does this even cost?"
Twilight shrugged. "I asked Sunset and she told me I didn't want to know. I send her two or three buckets full of gemstones every month. I imagine that covers it."
***
"Did ya get the latest, uh, 'shipment' from Equestria?" Rainbow Dash handed Sunset this month's computer bill with a shudder. "That thing's got more zeroes on it than the Cardinals' entire team."
Sunset looked at it and gulped, even as she lifted a bucket filled with flawless rubies, diamonds, and emeralds. "I hope the market never drops out for these or we're gonna be in trouble."
***
"While I'm here, I may as well ask," Starlight tapped the computer. "You know that the griffons and Yaks and even dragons are getting these computers?"
"Yes, I --" Twilight blinked. "Wait, the dragons?"
"Garble took one to show Ember that online dragon fan art for the game," Starlight waved a hoof at Twilight's sudden horrified look. "Oh come on, Twilight, Ember's a civilized dragon. What's the worst that could happen?"
***
"So this is what you told those 'hew-mons' we dragonesses look like?!?" Ember roared as Garble dodged behind a rock. Ember simply grabbed it in her claws and tore it in half, waving the screen with the picture of a dragon that looked suspiciously like her save for the wide hips and over-developed mammalian teats and sultry come-hither stare under his cringing muzzle. "First you talk all lovey-dovey to me in that game that Discord showed all the dragons, and now this?" She drew herself up and spoke in a voice like the coming of doom. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Ah," Garble dared to peek out from behind the claws over her eyes, "it's, like, not the worst thing they showed you doing?"
***
"No, what I mean is, where are they getting those machines from?" Starlight indicated the mirror portal and then the computer again. "We paid Sunset and her friends for these, but Gilda and the dragons and the Yaks aren't doing that. Where do they get them? Who over there sells them, and how?"
***
"So, you two guys got any more of those fancy phone thingies?" Gilda spoke into a mirror she'd been given as a gift some time ago. With a grunt of effort she picked up a heavy bag filled with golden bits. "I have the bits right here for them."
On the other side, the human Flim and Flam stood in front of their world's portal mirror by the human Starswirl. It was amazing what could end up in a pawn shop. Behind them were several cardboard crates with MADE IN CHINA on them.
"Madam," Flim said with a tip of his hat, "if you have the cash then rest assured, we'll always he the merchandise!"
Session 100.5 Jarkes
Gallus suddenly bolted into Silverstream's dormoritory, eyes darting back and forth. "Quick! Hide me!"
Silverstream cocked an eyebrow. "Are you okay? What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, but Gilda..." Gallus shuddered. "Her 'mother hen' instincts suddenly kicked in, and since I don't have any parents..."
"Hey, Gall-brain!" A gruff female voice that seemed to be trying (and failing) to sound 'motherly.' "You haven't finished your miso soup yet! You don't want to go hungry do ya?"
Silverstream suddenly understood. "Ooooooh, okay. Hide under my bed, I'll send her away."
"GALLUS HEARTHSTONE GRIFFFON YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Gilda came by Silverstream's dorm just as Gallus had hidden under the bed. "Oh, you're the pseudo-seapony. Did a blue male teen griffon pass by here? I need to do some mothering to get rid of these instincts."
"Uh... he went towards Sugarcube Corner I think. He's probably still there, he tends to binge on sweets when he's stressed. If you hurry you should catch him!"
"Thanks Sil- I mean, dweeb," Gilda said, bolting off.
Gallus sighed. "Phew... that was a close one." He suddenly blushed a little. "Say, um... y-you don't mind if I stay here for a while until the heat dies down, do you?"
"Uh... sure?" The hippogriff wasn't sure why, but her heart was suddenly beginning to beat a little faster than normal. "I've got some board games in here. Should be fun to pass the time." Strange, though... she thought. Seemed like Gilda almost said my name there, but I don't think I've ever told her... Ah, it's probably nothing.
-------
"Phew... that was a close one," Ocellus said as she changed back from 'Gilda' to her normal changeling form. "I can't believe that worked... Almost slipped up there too. Oh, well. I'm sure they'll appreciate it at some point." She had to fight the urge to lick her lips. "And a nice free meal too! ...Not that I would feed on it without their consent though."
Session 100.6 Mtangalion
A hulking griffon warrior thumped to the ground in Ponyville's main square. He wore spiky black plate armor, as much as he could bear without obstructing his wings, and he threw back his head and screeched, just to make sure everycreature knew that Blackest Flame was back in town.
In another Ponyville, five years ago, the entire town would have plunged into a panic, with frantic tales of griffon invasion flying straight to Canterlot. In the Ponyville of today, other griffons would have rolled their eyes and told the newcomer he was about a month late for Nightmare Night.
In this Ponyville, home of the Adventurer's Guild and heart of the growing Equestrian Alliance which now stood opposed to Lord Tirek, nocreature batted an eye. The town seemingly hosted more adventurers than townsponies these days.
Blackest Flame turned his beak up and folded his wings, secure in the knowledge that his very high item level gear proclaimed him to be Very Important and Badflank, even if other creatures thought they were too cool to make a big deal out of it. He stalked towards the square's central fountain, where an armored unicorn lounged, no doubt resting after some other heroic adventure.
The unicorn's horn glowed… the chain coif glowed with the same magic and lifted away, and the purple unicorn shook out a long green mane, revealing that it was a mare in the bulky mail armor… none other than Garbunkle, bard extraordinaire, and another of the heroes who had answered the call of the Elements of Harmony. Noticing the griffon, she started to reach for her longbow, but she relaxed when she saw who it was.
The griffon came within striking distance of the unicorn, grinning sharply. "Spike."
The unicorn smirked right back at him. "Garble."
On the other side of the fountain, a small pack of diamond wolves started snickering, spamming their /flirt and /kiss emotes.
Blackest Flame whipped out a hammer-axe that weighed as much as he did, slamming the butt on the ground. The diamond wolves immediately ran for it, yipping in fright. The griffon snorted, not bothering to watch them flee. "Hey, I saw your new dragon alt. The new secret starting area is super awesome, right?!"
"I saw your dragon alt too!" said Garbunkle, nodding energetically. "I'm kinda surprised you're not levelling it up right now." She jabbed a mailed hoof towards the griffon. "You said that was gonna be your new main."
"Oh, it's totally gonna be my main! But… ugh!" Blackest Flame face-clawed. "Levelling an alt takes so much work and junk! Baby dragons can't do anything fun, they can't fly…"
Garbunkle gave him a flat stare. "Tell me about it…"
"And they sure don't have awesome cool epics like this!" The griffon twirled Garble's Hammer-Axe dramatically before putting it away again. He raised a clawed fist. "But no dumb game's gonna beat me, Spike! I'll get right back to levelling my dragon character… ehh, later. I just need a break first."
The unicorn mare grinned. "So let's do something fun on our max-level characters, then! I hear they just opened a new PvP arena, right here in Ponyville!"
Blackest Flame blinked. "Yeah?! Yeah, let's go right now! … Unless you're afraid to face a griffon!"
Garbunkle tugged her coif back on. "I'm game! Just don't be a sore loser when you get beat by a pony!"
Griffon and unicorn glared at each other, then burst out laughing, hoof-claw-bumping as they made their way to the arena.
Session 100.7 Unown3 with edits
(Inspired by another guy's fun fanfic whom I can't remember the name of. That was 'much to do about nothing' and was fun all the same.)
The couatl were (often blue) snake creatures with rainbow colored wings, and much like Equestria, suffered from eons of isolationism due to the plague of rampaging monsters (much to Fluttershy's failure to get the use of the term 'misunderstood wonderful magical creatures' adopted instead).
But at last, they had come to meet with the Princess of Friendship, opening things would finally go right.
'Do NOT have a repeat of the Yaks, do NOT have a repeat of the Yaks.' Twilight thought.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ASKED FOR ME IN PARTICULAR!?" Rainbow Dash demanded.
"... Apparently a coatl married into your family eons ago... right around the same time... the first... rainbow ponies... were recorded..." Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash's mane in awe. "No... It's just dumb luck... that can't be it..."
The ponies were all dressed up their finest clothes... this time NOT trying to emulate the culture of the rainbow snake creatures so as to prevent offending them with stereotypes and misinterpretations has had happened with the Yaks. (Apparently the Sparkles had had a long history of accidentally offending Yaks, Twilight refused to believe the rumor an ancestor of hers was responsible for Yaks locking themselves up to begin with.)
"Welcome Prince Babajide!" Twilight Sparkle bowed.
"Welcome Princess Twilight Sparkle... I've heard you recently captured the immortal demon Ahuizotl who murdered the valley's stone guardian Olmec, stole his position of guardian, and his last words were to ask the hero Daring Do to keep the immortal demon at bay..."
Ponies stares with their jaws hung open.
"What?"
-
AK Yearling sat in Twilight Sparkle's crystal throne room... This was her castle after all, same as Canterlot was Luna and Celestia's.
"WHAT? HAPPENED?!" Twilight Sparkle demanded.
"... I became a villain in the public pony eye to keep an immortal demon at bay forever. Because I'M not going to be around forever Twilight! Unlike you. And I wouldn't WANT to be! I once stuffed a grenade in Ahuizotl's mouth and pushed him into a collapsing mine and he STILL dug his way out! I nearly got killed by rad-dee-ation left by dead civilization, that Celestia had to saved my life from, and he just healed himself... even if he was out of commission for a while... and he was able to TURN HIMSELF BACK FROM STONE after I locked him in a room full of cockatrices! He's immortal, not just 'really, really hard to make never-heard-from-again.' And he wanted to destroy everything, and enjoy every minute of it... and if becoming a bad guy for everypony means giving him a new personality and backstory where he isn't out to destroy EVERYTHING... then I'm fine with that!"
"And Dr. Caballeron?"
AK Yearling shook her head. "Oh no, that one totally surprised me and caught me totally off guard. I didn't think he and his goons would ever turn around. Guess I should've known the moment he could make more money being a decent pony he'd stop being a crook."
"...Why have we not tried to get Fluttershy to reform Cozy Glow yet?"
"Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to figure out something's off, you're supposed to be the analytic one."
"...I was stressed..."
Session 100.8 Ardashir
"So, Garble, have you even thought about what you're going to do on that date with Ember -- wait a minute," Spike broke off from working together with Garble to level their baby dragon characters, who at least had wings by now. He scratched his scaly chin. "I've seen a dragon wedding," he shuddered at the memory of the wild brawl that accompanied it, "What do dragons even do on a date? I mean, back in the Dragonlands? How do you court a dragoness that you like?"
Garble frowned and furrowed his brow as he thought. "We-ell, we USED to let him and her go off and plunder a few towns together to start their hoard, right before they'd beat up every other dragon interested in their intended mate to teach them to keep their distance from then on. I dunno if Ember wants ta do it that way."
Spike gave a shudder. "I hope not." He began turning back to the screen when he remembered something else. "Uh, I hope she doesn't somehow hear about this."
"She who?"
"Uh, nopony," Spike reassured Garble, waiting for him to get back to leveling Omega_Flame up before muttering, "I hope."
Far away northwards in the Crystal Empire, still mostly ponies but now with some Yaks and Diamond Wolves in the streets, in the royal palace, Candace stopped listening to the quarterly economic growth report and pricked up her hairy ears. Her husband nd advisors, recognizing the signs, groaned in collective dismay.
"Your highness," one policy pony began to say. He obediently fell silent as she raised a hoof.
"Wait, I think someone in Equestria is discussing how a new method of courtship is done!" Cadance grinned wickedly and clapped her hooves. Her cutie mark seemed to glow. "My talent is calling me to action!"
"Honey, please," Shiny grabbed her, "sit through at least one policy meeting. You can't keep teleporting out because other species are talking about romance and --"
Cadance's horn glowed and with a 'bomf' she vanished. Shiny gave a snort.
"Blast it." He looked around at the advisors, already putting their papers away. His horn glowed and a gamebook that his old friends were working on floated put from under the table and onto it. On its cover was art of half a dozen nasty-looking Changeling queens, with Supia from Neighpon being the only real one. "So, anyone up for a game of Hive Wars? The guys think they've got the gameplay bugs ironed out. Pun unintended."
Session 100.9 Mtangalion
(With some inspiration from Ardashir)
Sometime earlier…
The Friendship Castle's computer lab was mostly empty when Spike clicked through the options for his new baby dragon character, grinning and tapping his toes to a cheerfully improbable rock remix of the Smile Song. "Let's see… My quill and paper O&O character was the mighty wizard Garbunkle, and my unicorn bard was Garbunkle2… so I guess you'll be Garbunkle3!"
Spike reached for the enter key, but a scaly red paw grabbed his wrist. "Dude, seriously?" asked Garble. "You're gonna make a character that looks just like you, and give it some dorky pony name?!" He furrowed his brow. "Wait a minute… Garbunkle… Garble… Did you name that after me? Way back then!?"
Spike blushed. "What? No! Garbunkle was one of the greatest wizards of Old Unicornia! A lot of ponies these days only know about the Mare-val comics character, but actually…"
Garble rolled his eyes. "Spike, Spike! You're not making some namby-pamby pony, you're making a dragon! This is your big chance to show some real dragon pride and give your dragon a real dragon name!"
Spike smirked. "What, like Sludge, Clump, or Fizzle? I always meant to ask… what's up with dragons having names like that?"
Garble flinched like he'd bitten into some sour citrines. "It's because there's a lot of dragon moms who think they're supposed to name the hatchling after whatever they see or hear or think about the instant the egg cracks."
Spike blinked. "And the Dragon Lands are full of fire and rocks and mud…"
"And dragons doing dragon stuff," finished Garble. "Happy now? Don't tell Princess Star-Butt, she'd probably write a lame book about it. Ember would get all peeved again, I'd have to deal with it.... Just stick with the cool fire names! Blaze, Ash, Inferno… you know, stuff like that!" He furrowed his brow. "So, uh… what ‘Spike' are you named after?"
Spike grinned. "Actually, that's a whole other story."
Sometime much, much earlier…
In the gardens behind Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia smiled serenely at an adorable newborn purple dragon, keeping an eye on him while the castle maids instructed Twilight and her mother on the proper care of young Twilight's new companion. "Hmm, what shall we name you, little one? Steel Scale? Purple Prose?"
An eerie whistling sound rose, quickly growing louder. The Royal Guards grabbed their spears, looking all around, but the source turned out to be in the sky… when a castle tower-sized rock slammed into the castle grounds like a colossal spearhead.
Celestia blinked, reading the ten foot high dragon runes scratched onto its surface… "His name is Kenbroath Gilspotten Heathspike VII." Celestia took a sip of her tea, to reassure her guards, not herself. "I'll say this for Tiamat, she knows how to make a point…"
Session 100.10 Unown3 (thanks Ardashir and ItsFromPeople)
Oubliette Overseer Twilight Sparkle sighed. "And with your... seventh natural 20 in a row, to your diplomacy, buff, and imitate skills... you convince the Far Realm itself that its gratuitous and obtrusive, and that Limbo is already the plane of mind shattering, body twist chaos... Oh, and 'being the origin for mind-suckers is stupid since they already have a wild origin that involves time travel and the Magicjammers setting."
"Aye!" Silver Spoon said, dressed up in her 'space pirate' costume complete with plastic cutlass.
Twilight rubbed her forehead. "And so the Far Realm is absorbed into being part of the Chaotic Neutral afterlife..."
"Well, I feel like I helped the campaign world," Diamond Tiara smiled smugly with her hooves together on the table.
Twilight checked and tripled checked Diamond TIara's dice for being loaded or enchanted, or there being someone else's spell affecting them. Then she had Diamond Tiara use DIFFERENT dice. Then Twilight set up an anti-magic sphere just so Tiara could roll them... and skill the lucky streak continued.
'She gets this insanely high a dice roll just when she needed it? The chances are 1280000000 to one... How is she doing it? Is it just good luck after all?'
Earlier...
"And so with Discord as our magistrate, I'll buy your natural twenties from you," Diamond Tiara said with a smile (who said there were things money couldn't buy?).
"Please doing business with you," nodded the OTHER Diamond Tiara.
Diamond Tiara had an annoying pang of conscience. "Though... won't you need those dice rolls yourself?"
The Other Diamond Tiara waved her off. "Oh naw! After becoming one of the Elements of Chaos and overthrowing the Equalist regime, I don't really have time for board games."
Diamond Tiara gasped. "That sounds horrible!"
" It wasn't easy toppling an oppressive government without a central head since Starlight Glimmer equalized herself."
"Oh no, I mean, no time for boardgames?! I think a world without board games isn't worth living in."
"... Your reality is weird."
Session 100.11 Mtangalion
(following up on that last part, after a chat with Alex)
After Spike told the story of Tiamat's message, Garble was left staring at him, poleaxed. "You're the heir to a legendary Name!? You!!?" Garble blinked several times, then burst out laughing, slapping his knee. "Hah! You really had me going there!"
Spike flinched. "Hey, watch it with those laugh flames! These computers cost a lot of gems!"
That sobered Garble up quick, but he still chortled and elbowed Spike in the ribs. "Admit it, Spike! That's not really how you got your name!"
The younger dragon's scales blushed. "Well, you're not wrong. Princess Celestia didn't tell us everything about Tiamat's message until years later. She said it was way too big a name for such a little dragon. But not long after the giant rock fell, when Twilight was still getting used to taking care of me, she heard me babbling and thought it sounded like ‘Spike!'" Spike spread his palms. "And the rest was history!"
Garble snorted. "Yeah, that's what I thought. There's no way dragons would *ever* leave a hatchling with a Name to be raised by *ponies*."
After Garble left, Spike smiled, remembering a certain shelf in his room which contained several old books, carefully and reverently looked after over the years. The books didn't have many tales that a typical dragon would know, because they were tales of pony history. Some of them were about mighty ancient rulers like Queen Majesty, some of them were about humble ponies who only left wisdom to inspire others, but each book told the story of a circle of pony friends… and a dragon named Spike.
"I wonder if I should tell Garble that we still have Tiamat's message rock in the Canterlot Vaults," Spike mused. "Heh, maybe later…" He looked at the screen with his new baby dragon character, still waiting for him to enter a name. With a grin, Spike typed in ‘Heathspike' … and a new adventure began.
Session 100.12 Unown3
Spike the Dragon eagerly watched the intro cinematic to the unlocked Dragon player character starting zone, showing swooping views of the dragon lands, dragons roaring proudly from fiery peaks, then dragons flying dramatically, and a zoom up close up of Queen Tiamat herself. This was followed by a narrative by a voice similar to Dragon Lord Ember,
"The Dragon's ways have remained unchanged for thousands of years... but a new Dragon Lord has ascended the the throne, determined to challenge tradition for her kind... her hope lies in the next generation of dragons, open to the new possibilities that await them."
The screen show several colorful dragon eggs, beginning to hatch. And out came Heathspike! Next came learning the controls, moving about the cave, eating some gems, and...
"OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Spike the Dragon exclaimed from his seat looking at the computer screen.
"Greetings little whelp! Today is the day you begin your journey to becoming a true dragon!" Said proudly the NPC Sludge with his belly forward and his fists on his hips.
Session 100.13 Ardashir
Crystalsoft president Sombra listened to Sludge offering his reasons for why the dragon character used to instruct the new dragon PCs in World of Horsecraft looked so much like him. He sat at his impressive, some might say intimidating, desk worked in ebony wood and finished with crimson inlay. Privately he was musing on what gifts to get his wife and their newborn daughter for her first Christmas.
"And that is why, Mister Sombra sir," Sludge said, that garish Hawaiian shirt tightly stretched over his very ample belly threatening to flap open at any moment, "I thought there might be room for just one teensy little homage to myself for my work on the new dragon material for the game. As the instructor of the hatchlings. I mean, I have such a way with kids." He stopped and turned pale as Sombra spoke.
"I thought," Sombra's voice would have made liquid helium seem warm, "that we were going with the 'Volcano' character for that function." He tapped a few buttons on his laptop and turned the computer around to face Sludge. Sludge looked weak as Sombra rattled the complaints off from memory. "I admit to not quite understanding some of them -- 'Why is that fat lazy fraud teaching hatchlings anything?' 'He's a lazy lump who took advantage of my friend, I can't stand him!' "He looks like he should be hanging off the side of a cathedral!'."
"The heck?" Sludge looked closely at the complaints and read them slowly. He stepped back, hands on hips and looking indignant. "That's baloney! I never even met those suckers - I mean customers. What are they talking about?"
"I wondered if you could tell me," Sombra's voice somehow, impossibly, went even colder. As he rose and walked around the desk, hands clasped behind his back, Sludge cringed back. " seem to recall you using internet gambling sites on company time, and inviting our customers to try them out."
"How was I ta know they was crooked?" Hoping to change the subject, Sludge looked back at the laptop. "And 'hang off the side of a cathedral'? Are they sayin' I'm ugly?" He rose to his full height, a head shorter than his boss, and threw his belly out. When he regained balance he tore his shirt open and yelled, "I'm the figure of male beauty!"
Just at that moment VP Chrysalis entered. "Mister Sombra, here's those papers you wanted --" She became aware of Sludge, looked at him, and froze.
"Boss, I'll prove it." He swayed a few steps closer to Chrysalis and slapped his capacious gut. "Toots, am I a stud or not?"
***
Outside Gilda and Discord both jumped back as a gagging Chrysalis ran past, elegantly manicured hands clasped over her mouth as she raced for the executive washroom.
Session 100.14 Unown3
"That's so sad!" Garble sniffled, then quickly hid his tears. Music that even Rarity would call 'sappy' rang out from Garble's computer.
"What?" Spike asked.
"The game world instructor Sludge! He dies at the end of the dragon starting zone! Why do the bad-tail always have to go?!"
Spike knew he shouldn't enjoy the fictionalized death of another... but he couldn't stop himself from being curious.
-
Sombra asked, "Did you have to give your NPC self a five minute heroic unskippable cut-scene death?"
"It was Discord's idea to make all cut-scenes unskipable..."
"I should have known."
"And it's not all bad, he comes back as a ghost to help level up enchantments on dragon equipment!"
(Trying to enjoy the misfortune of others will always bring about its own reward.)
Session 100.15 Unown3
Silver Spoon, once again in her MagicJammer costume at Twilight's table said, "Okay, so I say 'Pazuzu,' three times' once I'm inside Sigil."
Princess Twilight tilted her head and said, "Alright, your lawful good wildspace captain calls out to the corruptor, who appears before you and asks, 'Oh brave hero, what could I do for you? Nothing is beyond my ability! All at the low low price of one tiny tinny smidge on the alignment chart!"
Silver Spoon just smiled. "Since Pazuzu has worshippers, that means his presence in the City of Doors illegal... which means..."
Twilight realized she'd been cornered by this little filly again who had been thought of as nothing more than Diamond Tiara's accessory. "... The Lady of Pain appears and obliterates Pazuzu out of existence, driving the first layer of the abyss into chaos, and his treasury layer is raided within minutes by Tiamat ... And the Lady of Pain is none too happy about being used as your personal demon lord disposal unit and Mazes you."
"Worth it!" Silver Spoon said simply with a smile.
Session 100.16 Unown3
Mean Twilight frantically type at her keyboard with her magic while the changeling guard wasn't looking.
'HELP! My friends and I are held prisoner in a gold grinding sweatshop! Save us!'
-
Miles away, Princess Twilight noticed a ping in her chat messages. She was about to read it when the CMC came crashing in... with a gargoyle in two...
-
Mean Twilight quickly deleted her message as a changeling guard looked her way.
Session 100.17 Unown3
Button Mash cheered. "YES! I bet this sequel to Heroic Pony Quest will be even better than the first! It'll be fun to play as the hero again!"
"Oh we're sorry, the hero of the first game was possessed by the ultimate evil after killing it, so you're going to have to mercy kill him!"
"Oh... well, I get to explore the game world seeing how his heroic deeds have changed the world..."
"Yeah about that, turns out the big ugly monsters with no dialogue, and you had no choice but to take down in the first game were really just poor misunderstood creatures fleeing from worse monsters that have now infested the world, making everything generally WORSE than they were in the first game. Oh, and the super giant monster you killed in the first game was also just poor and misunderstood, and its spores have spread all over the planet thanks to you killing it, leaving the world infested with them."
"Well... I get to meet up again with all the beloved party members and NPCs right?"
"Actually, they were all either killed by the possessed hero, turned evil, or will be mentioned in depressing dramatic irony fashion giving them pathetic brushoff deaths, or sacrificed in a convoluted plan that you'll be spending hours of real life time trying to make any sense of."
"... There's still the Save Sanctuaries at least."
"The Save Sanctuaries are revealed to have always been secretly SUPER evil."
"... Did she make it out safe, my favorite character Mei The purple Abyssinian without pant who was an aspect of the dark god who gained her own free will and the epilogue dungeon was all about saving her and giving her her own life?"
"Oh! She was given the cruelest and most brushyist-offish death of all!"
"... Do you guys hate your fandom?"
"Naw! We know grim and gritty is all the rage these days! Along with 'fallen hero' along with 'the Alicorns are all dead or evil!' We've already got great plans for the next game where Flurry Heart, who you've been helping and nurturing since the first game becomes the ultimate evil from the trauma of seeing the rest of her family die and tries to destroy the world and you have to put her down!.. Wait! Where are you going!?"
Session 100.18 Unown3
Dinky cheered as she came to the table, "Okay, I've got my character! She's an elf-rogue obsessed with finding a treasure her father 'liberated' from a dragon horde!"
At the head of the table Button Mash cringed. "Uh, Dinky, we're playing 'Cat-Ears & Giant Swords'. It's a manega style adventure set in a quasi-future setting where over the top superpowers are the norm. Along with pet-monsters who wrestle each others, and giant robots and any other manega stereotype you can think up."
"What's manega?"
"...whoa boy."
Session 100.19 Mtangalion
Diamond Tiara was lounging in her Richly appointed bedroom, completely fixated on her latest model pony-made mobile phone. It could recognize its owner, magically float in a convenient position for use, and effortlessly map the gestures of earth pony hooves to the tiny screen, plus it had a price tag that would send most pony's jaws straight to the floor with a cartoony bonk.
Just then, the Last Fantasy Archivist app played a sad Game Over jingle, and Diamond resisted the urge to fling the phone at a wall. "Ugh, I lost to Zeus again?!" Her brow furrowed, calculating. "I could definitely win if I had the new Ultra Super special attack, but I used all my free draws already… I can afford to spend an extra two hundred bits for extra rolls… four hundred at most…" Her hoof inched towards towards the screen…
With no warning whatsoever, Button Mash teleported into her bedroom, right in front of her! "No, Diamond!" shouted the Alicorn colt, his cute little wings spread dramatically. "You should think before you spend those bits!"
Diamond let out a muffled shriek, jumping nearly a foot off her couch. "What the buck, Button?! … Hold that thought." She tossed ten bits into the insult jar for swearing, then turned her best impression of mom's withering glare on the Prince of Gaming.
Her bedroom door banged open, and Silver Spoon trotted in, out of breath. "Button! Just because you can teleport now doesn't mean you can ignore things like, oh… front doors, and stairs…"
Button Mash blushed. "Sorry… but it was a gaming emergency!" He pointed a hoof. "Diamond, that game was trying to trick you into spending more and more bits for only a chance at winning."
Diamond tapped a hoof. "So what if it's gambling, technically? I can afford it. Besides, gambling is a game. Aren't you the god of that too?"
Button grimaced. "That's… kind of a gray area. There's this draconequus…" He shook his head quickly. "Never mind that! If this is all okay, tell me… How many bits have you spent on that game this month?"
Diamond frowned thoughtfully, and slowly her eyes grew wide. "Oh no! Daddy's really going to be peev… not happy about this!"
Button Mash's eyebrows shot up. "Because you spent that much?"
"Because his underage filly was gambling?" asked Silver Spoon pointedly.
"Oh, the money's no big deal," said Diamond offhoofedly. "Daddy's going to be mad because I don't know! I lost track of how much I spent!"
Diamond Tiara paused, then grinned slyly, stepping closer to Button. "You really saved my hay bacon there, Button Mash. So… how serious is that thing with you and Sweetie? I've heard some ponies have been doing really well for themselves, getting together with up and coming royalty…" She winked slowly and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.
The young Alicorn froze, totally red-faced with steam coming out of his ears. "Wha… buh? A romance meter? Why is there a romance meter?!"
Silver giggled, following Diamond out of the room. "He knows you're teasing, right?"
Diamond glanced back at Silver, smirking. "Am I?"
Session 100.20 Mtangalion
Morning in Ponyville shimmered, and everything was just fine. Unless you happened to be in the adventuring capital's brand new PvP arena, in which case you might get stabbed, frozen, shot, blown up, or otherwise reduced to a ghost so you could run back to your body and come back to life to do it all over again. In World of Horsecraft's Ponyville, though, no one minded that much, because it could generally be assumed that only creatures who enjoyed that sort of thing would be there.
That, and creatures who really, really wanted some fast but risky experience points.
Spike gulped as he guided his young dragon character through the arena gates. "H-heh. We are so doomed…"
"Don't be such a baby," said the red and gold young dragon beside him. He pumped a clawed fist, fires of determination blazing in his eyes. "We're gonna get so much XP, we'll be max level before you know it!"
Besides them, the arena was empty… so far as Spike could see. "I don't know, Garble. I heard…"
"That's Omega Flame!" snapped Garble. "Remember, Heathspike?"
Spike grinned hugely. "Hah, what? You actually care about roleplaying now?" He struck a pose and switched to an ominous, raspy voice. "Your journey to the Friendship Side is nearly complete, young Drakewalker!"
Garble groaned. "Shut up! I just don't want anybody thinking we copied those stupid fake NPCs of ourselves."
"Whatever you say, Omega Flame!" Heathspike frowned, glancing around again warily. "Guess now we have to wait for somecreature to fight."
Omega Flame quietly drew his axe, grinning sharply. "Oh, I wouldn't say… that!" He swung straight at the back of Heathspike's head… but his axe crunched into a solid ice wall. "Oh hey, you're learning. About time!"
Heathspike chuckled and whipped out his staff as he spun around. "Well, this IS a free-for-all PvP arena… Whoa!" Another blow from the axe struck his mana shield, sending him tumbling back. "Pyroblast!" he shouted, burning sparks starting to swirl around his claws.
"Rending charge!" bellowed Omega Flame, whirling his axe.
And then both of them froze before they could properly clash, brought up short by a sound that universally struck fear into the hearts of PvPers: the sound of a nearby player in stealth.
Heathspike gasped, breaking the tense silence. "Look out! It's a…" A dark explosion out of nowhere laid him out face-down in the dust. "... shadowmage."
Omega Flame couldn't resist pointing a claw and shouting "Hah, hah!" … which gave the shadowmage an easy opening to blast him in the back, dropping him too. "Oh, come on! Where's my racial magic resistance?" He ran back and respawned immediately, drawing a sword and shield for maximum defense. "I'd like to see you try that again!"
Three seconds later, Omega Flame was once again sprawled on the arena floor next to Heathspike. "Slag it, I'm gonna get my main."
"Yes, you should definitely do that," said the shadowmage in a deep, cultured voice. He brazenly de-stealthed in front of them, revealing himself to be a dark-coated unicorn pony with epic steel armor and a red cape. He examined one of his hoof guards, polishing it idly. "You won't defeat me, but at least I'll get some honor points for crushing you."
"Dude!" exclaimed Spike. "That's Crystal Emperor!"
"Duh!" said Garble, now logged into his griffon warrior, Blackest Flame. "I can read his nameplate too, Spike."
Spike had also switched to his main, and the fearsome and lovely Garbunkle2 joined Blackest Flame in the arena, her bow nocked and ready. "But he's one of the top-ranked PvPers on the whole server!"
Blackest Flame proudly brandished his epic hammer-axe from the new raid. "Then he won't mind if we double-team him!"
Garbunkle2 blinked. "Yeah… yeah, that's right! Together, with the power of our Friendship…"
Blackest Flame glared at him.
"... I mean, with the power of our being Awesome Best Dragon Buds, we're an unbeatable fighting duo! On three?"
"Three!" shouted Blackest Flame impatiently, and they charged at Crystal Emperor together, each bellowing a mighty war cry!
Thirty seconds later…
On their computer monitors, Blackest Flame and Garbunkle2 both lay face down on the dusty arena floor, nameplates grayed out and health bars empty.
Crystal Emperor bowed and blew a kiss to an imaginary audience, before fading back into stealth mode.
"Shadowmages are so overpowered," grumbled Spike.
Garble snorted. "Ya think?"
Session 100.21 Mtangalion
Two scruffy earth ponies were prowling around the entrance to Ponyville's PvP arena, trying to intimidate creatures passing by, and mostly getting odd looks for their trouble.
"Look over there!" said one of them in a thick Trottingham accent. He pointed a hoof towards the armored unicorn who stood stoically in the center of the arena. "I bet his armor would fetch a pretty golden bit or two. Let's mug him!"
The second earth pony gaped at the unicorn, then squinted at his companion in disbelief. "That's not just some unicorn, mate. That's Crystal Emperor! I heard he took down the Undead Dragon King… all by himself!"
The first earth pony nodded eagerly. "Yeah… Let's mug him!"
Crystal Emperor sighed, rolling his eyes.
A white-coated unicorn with a blue mane strode towards the arena. "Crystal Emperor!" shouted BBBFF, equipping a very shiny longsword and shield. "I challenge you!"
Crystal Emperor was browsing through a paperback book of some kind, not even glancing towards the paladin. "Yes, yes, come at me whenever you like, but I'll warn you now… You won't so much as lay a hoof on me, unless you fight with the intent to kill." He turned a page. "Oh yeah… heh heh… yes…"
BBBFF gawked. "Are you actually… browsing porn instead of paying attention to our fight?! I'll make you regret that!"
In his private office, Crystalsoft President Sombra leered at… a spreadsheet of his company's latest quarterly financials. "Oh, baby! Let me see that profit margin!" He flipped to the next page, practically drooling. "Yes, yes!" he purred. "I've never seen such an impressive return on investment!"
Rockstar Queen stalked into the PvP arena, wings posed and claws out. "Hey, dweeb!"
Crystal Emperor lifted an eyebrow at the griffon. "Oh? You're approaching me?"
Rockstar Queen narrowed her eyes. "I can't challenge you to a pet battle from far away."
The unicorn put his ledger away. "It's true, the Pet Battle Challenge command only has a ten yard range." He rose up and flourished his red cape, grinning darkly. "Very well, then! Come as close as you like!"
Rockstar Queen stopped mere feet from her opponent, staring him down beak to muzzle. Suddenly, she sprang back, striking a pose! "Golden Crystal Dragonling!" A flutterpony-sized dragon appeared in a swirl of magic.
"Useless!" declared Crystal Emperor. "I summon my Crimson Umbrum Colt!"
Outside the arena, Faithful Student gawked at them, watching Rockstar Queen and Crystal Emperor stand motionless in cool poses while their tiny minions took turns punching each other. "I really don't understand PvP at all…"