Session 95.0 Ardashir
"Ugh, why don't you just find some way to compete here in Ponyville?" Twilight pointed out the window. "We have games here in town, you know." As she spoke Sludge swaggered into the room, leading Fizzle, Fume, and Klump. The latter three had brooms and mops and wore hats that read 'janitor'.
"Hey, Princess Boss," Sludge jerked a claw at his three assistants. "Unless you at us ta come back later, I'll have my three underlings clean up the floor now." The 'underlings' hissed in anger.
"Yes, Sludge." Twilight rolled her eyes. "You can clean the floor now." As the three angry dragons started mopping and sweeping, badly, she spoke to Garble and Dash. "Why don't you try bowling? We have a bowling alley in town, you can't cause any damage that way."
Behind her Sludge and the others froze and started heading for the door as quietly as possible, which meant they made slightly less noise than an erupting volcano. "Hey! Watch it with that mop... Don't hit me in the eye with that broom!.. Yeah well, don't step on my feet, Klump, ya tub of lard!"
"Must you guys make all thet noise?" Applejack snorted at the three. "We're just talking about the bowling alley."
Garble snorted. "Feh. Like I'd ever go bowling. Those three," he pointed at his friends, "went there with tubby two nights ago an' wrecked the joint."
"Oh, well, then we'll just find something else and -- WHAT!" Twilight glared at the four dragons. "You leveled the bowling alley?"
"'Leveled' is kind of a strong word," Fume said weakly.
"We just kinda-sorta threw some of those bowling balls at the pins hard enough to knock holes in the back wall," Fizzle shrank as the ponies gave him dirty looks. "Hey, places are made tougher in the Dragonlands!"
"That, an' uh, we smashed the big glass display case with all the trophies in it." Klump pointed at Sludge as he smirked self-righteously. "And when the ponies that own the place asked us about payin' for damages, he burned the joint down!"
"What?" Sludge shrugged. "They wanted us ta pay ta repair it. No more bowling alley, no repair bill, right?" He and the others shrank back as Twilight hovered over them, her eyes ablaze.
"Now I know why got that letter from Princess Celestia about being on the lookout for rampaging dragons around Ponyville! I thought it was just Smolder and Spike having one of their fire-breathing competitions again!" She set her forehooves on her hips. "You four have caused enough trouble, but I won't be the one to punish you." As they smirked in relief, she said coldly, "This is a job for a dragon. SPIKE!" As her assistant flapped into the room, she pointed at Sludge and the rest. "These three burned the Ponyville bowling alley down. They need to be punished. so I'm leaving it up to you."
Spike grinned evilly at the four dragons. "So I get to decide what happens to you guys? Heh-heh-heh!"
(OOC: If anyone wants to continue this with Spike's punishment of the Four Scaly Stooges, go right ahead.)
Session 95.1 Unown3
The Diamond Wolf Shop Owner Alisa cackled with glee.
"Ha! Alisa put you all in different costumes when you sleeping! And cover ears with mufflers, and asked Starlight Glimmer to make Alicia forget how to read! So now you can't use safe word! ... "
But instead of reacting to this stunt, everypony was in a fishhead shaped stadium that obviously always been in Ponyville just off screen.
"Hey! Pay attention to Alicia!"
"We are fishmen." Shouted a fishman on stage.
"We are fishmen!"
"We are fishmen?"
"We! Are! FISHMEN!" Shouted one big fishman wearing a fake beard before kicking another Fishman off screen.
"Truly a work of art!" Rarity shouted.
"This is so cool!" Rainbow Dash cheered.
"Their culture is so deep and rich, I'm humbled at my foolish attempts to imitate their glory!" Said Princess Twilight.
Fluttershy coo'ed. "They're so adorable, those big squishy eyes, those big pointy fangs, their round bloated bodies..."
"Yes. They are so much fun," said Pinkie Pie calmly.
"We are fishmen!" Said a Fishman guppy in the audience with them.
"Yes Guppy," Twilight Sparkle nodded. "You've always been our best friendship student. You suspected Cozy Glow from the beginning before she did anything supscious, and you punching Neighsayer in the face over and over was the right thing to do all along."
"Yona wish she could be Fishwoman."
"We are fishmen."
Sandbar nodded. "Yeah, you've totally been the glue holding the group together. No wonder the tree of harmony spoke to you first."
"Fluttershy!" Discord teleported in. "You missed our teatime! Did you get kidnapped by changelings again I..." Discord's eyes dilated when he laid eyes on the Fishmen. "What a handsome race."
"Alicia.... must... make... lots of... fishmen... costumes!" Alicia said, a huge smile on her face. "Yes. Fishmen costumes are best. Alicia make lots of them!"
"What is with you jerks!" Princess Wave Dancer, inside a giant glass of water protested. "These jerks turned their own sea into a desert, then tried to invade the Merpony's sea and enslave us because all their old slaves escaped! And... we were... so mean to them... not accepting them as our new kings. They had a burden bringing their civilization to our inferior merpony culture... what right did we have to repel their invasion?"
Applejack shook her head. "What the heck is goin' on 'round here?"
+++
"And there's the new Dusklight book, giving the readers what they want, an epic love triangle between a Thestral, a wolf-pony, and my own version of the Kirin. UGH! Now that they've discovered Kirin, I'm going to have to come up with a completely different name for them!" Windy Whisper mumbled to herself. At least nobody new knew about her being the author except Rainbow Dash. "Uh-oh."
There was AK Yearling... looked like the bookshop had double booked...
Except...
"Why is nobody paying attention to AK Yearling or me?" Windy Whispers said.
"We are Fishmen." Said a Fishman author in an ill fitting business suit obviously too small for him. Sitting at a desk with a huge line of ponies before it. Along with a stack of book with the title 'We are Fishmen.' And a page open revealing the reviting text, 'We are fishmen,' written over and over and over.
"This is the coolest book ever!" Scootaloo said in line.
"Ah wanna read it over and over," Apple Bloom said.
"Let's be Cutie Mark Crusaders Fishwomen!" Sweetie Belle added.
"Yes... their book... is so superior to me... I should ask them for advice... and introduce a new Fishman into my next book, brave, handsome, brilliant, invincible, with no flaws, ponies are sure to love him..." Windy Whispers said.
Session 95.2 Mtangalion
Sludge gawked at Spike. “Wait, you’re…”
“... gonna punish us?” exclaimed Fizzle.
Fume snorted, and Klump burst out laughing. After all, Spike had finally sprouted up into something resembling an early teens dragon, but the others still easily looked down on him, and Sludge had him far out-massed, too. The teen dragon delinquents laughed and rolled on the floor, melting whole swaths of crystal with their laugh flames.
Garble rolled his eyes. “Ugh, do I really have to do this?” He stomped forward. “Hey, scalebrains!” He smacked a clawed fist into a palm. “You’re here because you’re being punished, so you’d better shut those yaps!”
Fume, Klump, and Fizzle stared at him… and started laughing even harder.
Garble recoiled. “Wha… huh?”
Fizzle pointed a claw. “Hah! You act like you’re all tough, but now we know the truth… Gar-Gar!”
Fume mock-gasped. “Oh no, it’s Garble! Better do what he says, or he might read poetry at us!”
Sludge looked like he was going to split his sides laughing. “Poetry, hah! At least I know how to hoard creature comforts and sleep on them like a real dragon!”
“Guys, help me out here,” said Klump. “What rhymes with total loser?!”
Garble snorted fire, clenching his fists. “Why, you…” Out of nowhere, a pink hoof barred his way.
“So!” shouted Pinkie Pie, grinning from ear to ear. “Those other dragons are giving you a hard time? They asked for it… show them your rhyme!” Pinkie pulled out a bundle of clothes, tossing them in a loop like a juggler before slapping them onto Garble… a blue sweater, baggy pants, a gold medallion with a ruby stone, and a wide-brimmed black hat. “DJ Scales and Tail, back me up!” She bounced onto two legs and put her forehooves to her mouth, beatboxing.
“Wha… What’s happening?!” cried Spike, dancing to her beat and striking a cool pose.
Garble growled. “I dunno, but it sounds like… dragon rap!” He grinned and stepped to the beat, snapping his claws. “Yeah, you got some beef with me? I’ve been around!” He grabbed hold of Sludge, spun around, and threw him like a bowling ball, knocking the three delinquents over.
Klump hopped to his feet first, roaring. “Get him!”
“I’ll have you spellbound!” boasted Garble, smoothly dodging Klump at the last moment and tripping him.
Fizzle and Fume looked at each other, them came flying at Garble, claws outstretched.
“Gonna put you right in the ground!” said Garble. He ducked, spun, dodged two attackers at once, and punched Fume so hard, he cracked the crystal wall where he impacted. “Where you won’t be found!” He intercepted Fizzle’s fist, waggled a claw in his face, then punched him too, before kicking both of them into a heap with Sludge and Klump. “So you’d better respect when you’re in my town!” Garble finished by posing with the defeated dragons and raising two claws in a V for victory pose. “Yeah!”
Applejack nudged Twilight. “Aren’t ya gonna say that violence ain’t always the answer?”
“That’s true,” mused Twilight, “but maybe dragon problems need dragon solutions. Oh, that could be a good chapter title for the Friendship Journal volume two!”
The doors slammed open, and Gallus stood there in the hall smugly. “Your dragon rap is no match for…” He put on shades and a backwards hoofball cap. “... griffon rap! I challenge you!”
Spike pulled out a scroll, checking his social calendar. “It’s gonna be a long summer...”
Session 95.3 Unown3
"You're Prince Shining Armor yes?"
"That's right, and you're Princess Wave Dancer of the merponies am I right?"
"Well, I'm no seaponies if that's what you're asking. I'm doing a report for school on Alicorns. And I wanted to get it from the horse's mouth... what was it like to carry Princess Flurry Heart in your pouch before she came to term?"
"SAY WHAT?"
"Oh I"m not a filly who thinks flying fish deliver foals. I know it's the male who carries the babies."
"Uh... I think you need a lesson on the difference between aquatic ponies and land ponies..."
"Oh!" A nearby bright blue changeling waved her hoof. "Is that like how other creatures don't have their egg feed off the life-force of other creatures before hatching?"
"Uh... yeah."
Session 95.4 Mtangalion
Gallus had a good chuckle at that, until he found himself face to face with none other than Princess Cadence. "Gallus, isn't it?" she asked in a soft, musical voice. "While we're here, perhaps you could help settle a bet. Now, you don't have to answer... this question might be a bit inappropriate."
"Then don't ask," muttered Gallus, starting to walk past her.
"Do griffons have live births, or do they lay eggs?"
Gallus froze in midstep. "Er... what?"
Princess Cadence smiled awkwardly. "None of the pony books that I could find on griffons actually said, and Twilight didn't know the answer either. I assumed it would be live birth, since the hindquarters is... well, the mammal part, but I've heard griffons talk about hatch-days too, and griffon young are called both hatchlings and grifflets."
Gallus glanced frantically left and right, searching for a way out of this. "Sorry, but... we griffons only talk about that among ourselves!"
"Not a problem!" purred Cadence. The blue glow of her magic flashed, and suddenly she was almost twice as large, a mighty griffoness with the plumage of a glorious pastel songbird and the sleek fur of a lioness... plus a comet tailtuft and twinkling stars in her crest. "Now can you tell me?"
Gallus' beak fell open, and his wings POMF'D out, fully spread.
Shining Armor smirked. "Definitely inappropriate."
Session 95.5 Unown3 Spoilers for IDW MLP #80
"ALRIGHT EVERYPONY! I MEAN EVERYONE!" Sunset Shimmer cheered. "It's time for the Rainbooms' first inter-dimensional gig! It's Ponyville's anniversary and we're gonna rock their world!"
"But... how are we gonna play musical instruments with hooves?" AJ asked.
"We ... better get you girls some practice in performing in Pony form first!"
Session 95.6 Unown3
Starlight Glimmer looked over her notes. "So Scootaloo's parents hadn't visited her in nine years, and her aunts had so little to do with Scootaloo's life that it was like they might as well have not existed yet?"
Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo nodded.
"They weren't there for Scootaloo's cutie mark party, and they weren't there when Scootaloo and the CMC became Ponyville's flag bearers, and they weren't there for any of our Hearth Warming Eve parties she had with us." Rainbow Dash said.
Pinkie Pie said, "Twilight Sprakle's brother might as well have not existed yet in spite of him having logically have been there at the Grand Galloping Gala, and Twilight isn't trying to disown him."
Starlight Glimmer nodded. "Good argument Pinkie Pie, but Scootaloo is a CHILD. Their absence is therefore far more glaring."
"Well, Sweetie Belle's parents aren't exactly seen around a lot right? Doesn't mean they don't exist in the mean time."
Sweetie Belle sobbed as Rarity hugged her.
Rarity said, "At least I didn't hoof off Sweetie Belle to others and lived in another town in the mean time."
Pinkie Pie sweated. "Welllll... we don't see Silver Spoon's parents ever. Do we assume they're neglectful or that she's an orphan?"
Starlight sighed. "But Silver Spoon has never been the center of attention, no offense dear."
"None taken, that's the story of my life," Silver Spoon sighed.
"While Scootaloo has been the center of attention at least three times, possibly more, and her aunts never showed up for any of them. And considering that Rainbow Dash was the one who actually DID emotionally support her ... eventually... after a year or two..."
"Uh, don't say I started out perfect," Rainbow Dash admitted awkwardly.
"That's still a better track record than her biological family has given her. And given Rainbow Dash DID managed to legally adopt Scootaloo WITHOUT her family even catching wind of it during the entire process, and join the Wash Outs, I'd say that makes clear how out of touch they are with her."
Session 95.7 Kendell2
"Alright, time to launch...our...attack..." said Spike the Werekirin as he and his group approached the lair of the Werecheetahs and Weremonkeys (and unknown to them, now remaining Werekitsunes)...to find a giant fortress built into a mountain. "What the heck?! How did they build that?!"
"Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked.
"...Dang it! I forgot Pinkie Pie has weird toon powers!" Spike replied.
"Perhaps what we need now is a plan?" Twilight asked. She blinked, noting the structure seemed very Canterlot styled in its design. Not what she would've expected from those two.
"Eh, we're Kirins, let's just do what we normally do," Spike replied. "I mean it's Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, they don't exactly have architecture experience."
"...Yes, alpha..." said Rarity with a bit of sarcasm, her fur dyed pink from the tomato juice bath required to remove Fluttershy and her Wereskunks' spray.
The Kirins launched themselves up, descending on the fortress like a horde of locusts and preparing to pillage and burn it and convert those inside to their cause. Twilight noted that no one was firing at them or preparing for combat, which felt suspicious, but Spike was of course the Alpha and decided to rush in 'Leeroy Jenkins' into this. Spike was the first one to land...and phased right through the castle like it wasn't even there, throwing him off and causing him to crash into rocky mountain side behind it...and then be stampeded into by his entire pack, slamming them all into the mountain. "What the..." he muttered as he forced himself free of the pile of Werekirin.
The Kirins looked around, finding nothing but rock.
"It's an illusion spell..." said Twilight.
"But how?! None of them have illusions!" Spike replied, then looked down to find a gift box with a card on it. He opened the card and looked at the contents. "Your Werebeasts are in another castle..."
"Architects? No...pranksters? Eeyup," Applejack commented...
Before the gift suddenly opened to reveal several giant speakers that suddenly belted out music loudly, stunning the Kirin...
= Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley =
"Ah! What's going on?!" asked Spike.
"They rick rolled us!" Twilight said in annoyance as they covered their ears against the loud music.
"What?!"
"A really annoying prank from Sunset's world!...Of course Pinkie Pie would know what that is."
The loud music not only stunned the lot of them, but caused a massive avalanche to begin from the summit right at them.
Spike had enough time to look up and give a whimper as the wave of snow washed him and his Kirin all the way down the mountain and buried them.
"...Again...pranksters..." Applejack said, voice muffled under several tons of snow and ice.
A Werekitsune watched from nearby and gave a giggle before departing with multiple others.
Rainbow Dash laughed. "Nice one with the illusions, NPC Blueblood!" she said to the NPC Kitsune.
"...Yes, thank you oh mighty player character for the compliment," Blueblood said in a deadpan voice. "The avalanche prank was also a smart move...but that won't keep them buried for very long."
"It doesn't need to, just long enough for us to get everything ready for them," Rainbow Dash said. "Let's see how Spike does when the guys he's coming after are ready for him! Your Werekitsunes setting up the other diversions?"
"Yes..."
Spike groaned, the Kirin digging themselves out of the snow, shivering and inner fire rather cooled. "Okay...so where is their REAL lair?" he asked...then looked around, finding several identical castles and other lairs, most of which were certainly illusions and traps, all over the place. "...Dang it..."
The crushed and damaged present made a 'Wah wah wah' sound. Spike burned it to ash with a somewhat weakened flame.
"...This will be harder than I thought..."
Session 95.8 Mtangalion
Starlight Glimmer lifted a large stack of documents in her magic and tapped them on her desk to square them off. “Now then… the court is going to ask what kind of home *you’re* providing Scootaloo. Given that dragons can’t cloudwalk…” She fixed Dash with a glare. “Where exactly are you and Scootaloo living right now?”
Rainbow Dash chuckled sheepishly, leathery wings fanning her sudden blush. “Oh, so you know about that, huh? Luckily, I knew just the place for a couple of Ponyville dragons. It’s even fireproof!”
Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Garble, Smolder, and Spike swooped past the cliffs between Sweet Apple Acres and the edge of town. “Aw, yeah!” roared Dash, spitting a fireball, then pulling a spinning dive right through it. “I think I’m getting better at this!” Her wing clipped a rock spire… smashing the rocks out of her way. “Whoops…”
On top of the cliffs below, Pinkie Pie cheered, waving a ‘Dragons rule!’ pennant at the impromptu five-dragon air show. “That was really cool, the way you all flew right past super close and went all WHOOSH and even made the camera shake!”
Spike blinked and looked around, but he saw no signs of a filming crew, or even photographers. “I’m not gonna ask…”
Windy Whisper leaned out of her cave. “Dash!! When I told you there were plenty more caves, I wasn’t saying you should move in next door and make a huge ruckus. Ugh, I need a thicker door.”
“Sorry!” yelled Dash.
Smolder shrugged. “Yeah, we should probably take this over to Ghastly Gorge.”
Garble flew up alongside her, folding his arms in a huff. “If those griffons aren’t hogging it again...” He gave Dash an odd leering grin, waggling his eyebrows. “You know… you’re kinda hot as a dragon! Wanna bang?”
“Wha… what!?” shouted Dash, stalling in mid air and nearly taking a dive. “Are you serious!? Did you seriously just…”
Garble blinked. “Um… yeah?”
Smolder snickered. “Dragons don’t do subtle. If you don’t like him, just punch him in the snout! He’ll get the message.”
Dash blinked. “Why does casual violence sound so… appealing right now?”
“Hah!” bellowed Garble. “We’ll make a real dragon out of you yet!” Then Dash tried to punch him in midair, and he dodged, razzing her.
Scootaloo hmmed, watching them. “Hey Spike, you’re kinda hot now that I’m a dragon! Wanna…”
Dash swooped in and grabbed Scootaloo, clapping a paw over her muzzle. “Nope! Nope, nope! You’re not learning that lesson today!” Her expression turned more thoughtful. “Am I being a bad influence on Scootaloo, with all this dragon stuff?” she mused to herself. “I’ve gotta think about this...”
Session 95.9 Kendell2
"Okay, so I have a lot of questions..." said Twilight, in an Enchanted Comic with Spike. She was currently dressed as a samurai version of Batmare, as the group looked up at multiple villains from the Power Ponies' rogues gallery (including several who normally never interacted with Batmare at all) in giant mecha as Maneiac laughed from her mecha castle.
"Twilight, this is all about being as crazy and actionpacked as possible, not about asking questions..." Spike said.
= Gat-Tai - Batman Ninja =
"Villains of Maretropolis!" called Maneiac as over the top as physically possible. "BECOME ONE!"
Twilight stared up as the four smaller mecha charged dramatically at the biggest one Maneiac was in and began clamping and combining together into one gigantic robot that slowly and dramatically rose over them...until a balloon landed on top and deflated to become a frankly intimidating version of Maneiac's face.
"FIVE UNITE AND SERVE THE SIXTH HEAVENLY QUEEN! LADY MANEIAC!" the supervillains announced while the mecha did a standard Neighponese mecha combination finishing pose with their faces appearing behind them (somehow) in a stylized picture as the Maneiac laughed maniacally.
"...See? Crazy and action packed!"
Twilight's eyes stared up widely. "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THAT?!"
"With a giant Batmare made of monkeys and bats..."
"..."
"...I should've brought Rainbow Dash."
Session 95.10 Mtangalion
Someone was pounding on the just-installed front door of Rainbow Dash’s cave, much too early in the morning for lazy pegasi OR dragons. “Huh… Whazat?” muttered Dash, rolling over next to Scootaloo, on a makeshift hoard of golden bits, Wonderbolt collectables, and sports trophies.
“Dash, you’ve gotta help me!” squawked Gilda, when Dash opened the door. “I think I gave them the slip, but…” Suddenly, a lasso flew up, snared Gilda’s legs, and yanked her out of sight, leaving only a few hovering feathers.
“There ya go!” said Applejack, when Gilda was properly hogtied, and some waiting griffons had thrown extra nets over her for good measure. The farmpony, at least, was cheerfully awake and alert pre-dawn. “What’s she gone and done this time?”
Grandpa Gruff snorted. “We’re crowning her queen.”
“Ouch,” said Applejack, at once removing her hat and bowing her head. “Sorry to hear that.”
The flock of griffons started hauling Gilda into the air and towards the border of Ponyville… they were literally dragging her away kicking and squawking. Gilda glared downwards. “If you’re feeling guilty, some breakfast would be nice!” A bucked apple bonked her in the head… she swore even louder, but she made sure to catch the apple and tear a big bite out of it. “Gee, thanks,” she grumbled, still chewing.
Dash the dragon flew up alongside the net, cringing. “Gilda, I’m really sorry, but… If I don’t stay here for Scootaloo… the court hearing is really soon, and…”
Gilda sighed and rested her claw on Dash’s head for a moment. “Being responsible for stuff sucks, huh?” She noticed that the Idol of Boreas had caught up to her again, somehow tangled in the nets beside her. “Believe me, I know.” She glared at the flock of griffons who were following along to watch the coronation. “Seriously, you don’t want me ruling you! I make terrible decisions. Um… yeah, I’ve spent years making up for my mega-lame mistakes!”
One of the griffon employees from the meat restaurant nudged another. “Did you hear that? Our new queen will have the wisdom of experience!”
As Ponyville and Dash fell behind them, Gilda was surprised to see Princess Twilight flying hard to catch up. “I don’t suppose you’re going to get me out of this.”
Twilight shook her head. “Actually, Ambassador Gruff hired me to confirm that you have royal blood. Which I had to do all with magic, since Griffonstone’s records are in a deplorable state.” She shuddered, then unfurled a scroll. “Congratulations, you’re a pure lion/eagle breed, which makes it 99% certain that you’re descended from the last griffon king.”
Gilda covered her face with her claws. “Come on! Guys! What am I even going to rule over? A mud hut?”
A construction crew griffon unfolded plans from a saddlebag, showing them to her. “We’ve got your new palace all planned out, your soon-to-be-majesty!”
Gilda tugged on her crest feathers in frustration. “Well yeah… as soon as I’m queen, I’m throwing you all in the dungeon! How do you like that?!”
Gallus smirked, gliding closer. “You’ll have to build one first, ‘your majesty.’”
Gilda shouted, “Fine, we’ll do that! I’ll throw all you dweebs in jail! And hire guards to make you stay there!”
Gabby squealed happily. “Wow! Queen Gilda is already creating so many new jobs in Griffonstone!”
“And then!” squawked Gilda, trying to rip the net apart with her talons. “I’ll rub this stupid Idol like a magic lamp and make it rain gold to pay for all this crap!”
To Gilda’s dismay, the Idol of Boreas glowed, and suddenly the knowledge was right there in her head… the exact location of King Guto’s lost treasury, and the method for bypassing all the illusions and traps to open it. Gilda slumped. “Oh, buck my life.”
Session 95.11 Mtangalion
(Okay, I pieced this together, borrowing from Alex and Ardashir's chats. Sorry it took so long.)
It was a long flight from Ponyville to Griffonstone, even taking the direct route past Fillydelphia and over Celestial Sea. After Gilda exhausted herself trying to escape, she didn’t even realize she’d fallen asleep… even though she was now alone, trudging over a broken, rocky landscape beneath oppressively dark thunderclouds.
“I’ll show them,” Gilda muttered. “I don’t need any of those featherheads! I’ll just find some other town and… ugh, I don’t know… be a chef or something! I beat Gustave le Grand in a cooking contest, after all!”
"Now, now, Queen Gilda…” whispered a voice from the darkness. “Those days are behind you."
Gilda crouched, fur bristled and claws ready. “Who’s there!?”
Hissing and clinking over the stones, shackles came slithering from everywhere at once, rushing towards her! Gilda shrieked and tried to fly away, but one chain grabbed her foreleg. Then another wrapped around her midsection, then more snared her one after another. Gilda struggled as they pulled her towards a throne made to look like a bird cage.
The voice spoke again, growing deeper. “Here is your throne... Here is your crown..." The chains placed a gem-studded golden crown with a built-in beak gag over her face "Here is your scepter..." Her foreclaws were shackled together with a clash of steel as manacles forced her to uphold the Scepter of Guto. "You can do whatever you want, as long as you behave like a good ruler to your flock. All hail Queen Gilda."
Gilda was just about to get properly peeved, when a titanic form swooped in out of nowhere, huge paws slamming down. Wings swooshed open to full extension, tearing the darkness asunder and revealing a glittering dreamscape… and the colossal griffon standing over her.
“Young Gilda,” purred Gerulf the Grand Griffon. “We meet once more! Soon…” He arched a brow, seeming perplexed. “Aren’t you being a bit overdramatic?”
Gilda tried to lunge towards him, rattling the chains. “I’m being overdramatic?! You’re the one who’s…”
A brilliant flash of light interrupted both of them. The two griffons turned and saw a glowing door unlock and swung open, allowing Luna, Princess of the Night and Dreams, to step regally towards her. “Hello, Gilda.”
Gilda groaned. “Oh, good. Now I can complain to the management. This dream sucks! Please tell me I dreamed the whole thing with getting confirmed as bucking royalty and hauled away too!”
Princess Luna shook her head, "Nay, that was quite real. I must say, though... most ponies would jump at the chance to become royalty. While you are right to take this burden seriously, I think you have serious issues that need resolving here."
Gilda looked left and right at her birdcage throne, incredulous. "Ya think?!?"
Luna stepped closer, extending a wing to brush the cage with her feather tips. "You fear responsibility, seeing it as imprisonment. You fear the burden being placed upon you without your consent."
"So would anygriff with half a brain,” muttered Gilda. “What's your point?"
"And yet you still had the feathers to save Rainbow Dash, and not the idol."
"Yeah, well…” Gilda scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. “Dash is my friend, even if she’s a flip-flop sometimes. I like having her around! You think I want to be surrounded by dozens of griffs who only want to use me? You oughta know what THAT'S like."
"Indeed we do,” said Luna somberly. “That said, who do you think is going to lead Griffonstone if you will not?"
"Um… I dunno... There's Gabby. She’s good at anything without even trying. That little smart-aleck Gallus... Heck, Grandpa Gruff loves telling everygriff what to do. Give him the crown!"
Luna seemed to consider this for a moment. "Regrettably, Gruff is not as... progressive as you. Gabby’s many talents do not extend to persuading other griffons to follow her lead. Neither can it be Gallus, for his fate lies elsewhere."
Gerulf picked that moment to clear his throat, sounding like a misfiring airship engine. “Might I get a word in edgewise? I was here first.”
"Mind thy manners, thou overgrown feather-duster!” snapped Luna. “We outrank thee. Besides, it was the unreasonable expectations of thy patron Boreas which gave rise to this situation!"
“Unreasonable?!” retorted Gerulf.
“If Boreas actually bothered to lead the griffons himself and set an example, as we’ve done with ponies…”
“Holding their hooves, and doing everything for them, you mean! Father Boreas has judged Gilda worthy and given her his blessing to rule. The other griffons might have gotten a little… carried away...”
Luna snorted. “Carried away, thou sayest!? When one plays the game of uncomfortable stiff-backed regal chairs...”
Gilda wanted to slam her head against something. "Yeesh, who else is gonna show up?"
So of course, Queen Novo appeared out of nowhere. "Okay, what's this I hear about one of my descendants from that fling I had with King Granch the First eight hundred years ago, wanting to buck her responsibilities as queen?"
Before Gilda could faint, Gerold shoved Novo to one side and whispered in Gilda’s ear. "Hey, featherbrain! Are you just gonna sit there and take all this, babe? I’ve just about cut through the ropes, but you need to wake up..."
Wake up… Wake up…
Gilda’s eyes snapped open, and there was Gerold in the flesh, grinning slyly. “Remind me to do naughty things with you later,” she purred, before she sucked in a deep breath and roared, bursting free of the nets!
“Hey, hey!” she bellowed at all the shocked griffons. “Thanks for the lift, but I can fly my own bucking self to Griffonstone! What, you want a queen that shows up to her own coronation like a trussed-up turkey?”
“Hah, now that sounds more like a queen,” crowed Grandpa Gruff. “I knew you’d come around.”
“Shut it, you old buzzard.” Gilda pumped her wings and rose, hovering over the whole crowd. “I’ve got more to say! First off, No palaces or dungeons or anything like that; I already HAVE a house to live in. And no sticking some lame heavy crown on my head, either! If I need you griffs to notice me..." She reared back and gave a savage, earsplitting screech. "I’ll just do that!"
Gallus smirked. “Heh. Looks like the queen has returned.”
Session 95.12 Ardashir
"AHHHH!" Spikes wings beat at the air as he flew up from the 'Friendship Dungeon'. Students at the school scattered as he raced to the office of Headmistress Twilight. He hurled the door open, flew inside, and slammed it shut behind him. "TWI! We have an emergency!"
"Spike!" The little dragon stopped, chewing his claws, as Twilight grabbed him with her magic. "What is the matter? We have guests here!" She pointed her hoof at Maud and Mud Briar. "They came to see Pinkie Pie, and..."
"Technically," Mud Briar said, raising a hoof and ignoring Twilight's annoyed snort, "we came to Ponyville to visit Pinkie Pie, not the Friendship School. And we don't wish to just see her. We intend to spend the next few hours talking with her." He might have said more, but Maud set her hoof on his mouth.
"Mud Briar, we've talked about this." She said in her usual deadpan voice. "Interrupting ponies is impolite."
"Maud, dearest," he looked at her. "I will not apologize for correcting imprecise ideas expressed about our plans and intentions."
Spike and Twilight gulped as Maud seemed to glare, before she gave a very small and heartfelt smile.
"Our first argument," she said, and touched her nose to his. She said in her usual voice, "Only you can arouse such passion in me." He smiled as well, and then they both looked at Spike. "So. What was the emergency you were going to warn us about?"
"Huh? Oh!" The little dragon flew to Twilight. "Uh, Twi, remember a few years ago, how Discord summoned Poncererak the demilich and those four-clawed brain thingies?"
Mud Briar seemed to shudder, but at a meaningful look from Maud stayed silent.
Spike hurried on with, "They're out of their cages! And when I asked old skully where they were, he just laughed at me and told me to guess!"
"WHAT?" Twilight leaped into the air. "Those things can possess anypony! Our sole consolation is that they can't imitate ponies or their emotions very well, and they'll be acting kind of strange." She flew out the door into the hallway, calling back as she did, "Spike! We have to check out the school body and then Ponyville, right now!"
Spike started to fly after her, and then froze as he remembered what Twilight said about how to identify a intellect devourer-possessed pony. He turned and gave Maud and Mud Briar a fearful look. They looked back at him in total calmness.
"I can guess what you're thinking," Maud said, "and I find it highly insulting."
***
Meanwhile, down in the Friendship Dungeon, Poncererak grumbled atop his cushion.
"I had those fools take control of those Diamond Dogs to bear my message to Grogar," he grumbled. "Collecting the greatest villains in Equestria and ignoring me? The insolence! How can anypony see me as less than the pinnacle of evil?"
He froze as he heard some of the Student Six in the hallway outside. "Well, if we've got nothing else to do, we can always do another game of catch with old boney."
Poncererak moaned.
"I hate my life."
Session 95.13 Unown3 spoiler comic80
Discord exasperated, "You had a LARP and didn't invite ME?!"
Rainbow Dash said, "LARPing require imagination Discord... which nobody HAS TO use while you're around making all the imaginary stuff real, defeating the purpose of us imagining to begin with!"
Discord snarled. "I create illusionary worlds all the time with over the top, anything goes, utterly insane gratuitous power fantasies for ponies griffins and dragons in Ponyville all the time!"
Pinkie Pie said, "Flim and Flam already tried to sue me for hosting a LARP in Ponvyille... didn't get them anything."
Session 95.14 Mtangalion
Gilda’s new subjects weren’t so keen on their new queen not wearing any crown at all, but she managed to bargain them down to a princessy little tiara. That was one literal pain in her neck averted. Unfortunately, there were plenty more waiting.
“You, construction guys!” barked Gilda, holding court on her front porch. “Clean out the water and sewage systems from the Old Kingdom and get them working again. No more being an international laughingstock!” She gestured, and two big strong griffs opened a chest and counted out some more of the late King Guto’s hoarded gold to pay for it.
Three more of Gilda’s new guards escorted a small owlish griffon to her “throne” … Giles the griffon wizard. “I’m warning you, madam!” squawked Giles, failing to keep the panic out of his voice. “You’re not burning me at the stake without a f-f-fight!”
Gilda face-clawed. “Ugh, I said bring him here gently, you guys! Look, I need a court wizard. You want a job?”
A lot of griffons looked shocked, none more so than Giles himself. “You mean… official status?” he gasped. “Protection? No.. no more hiding so adventuring parties don’t come chop my head off?” When Gilda nodded, there were tears in Giles’ eyes. “Yes… your majesty! Yes please!”
“Everygriffon should be this easy to please,” muttered Gilda, smirking. “Great! Ponies have these things called granaries. I want storehouses with spells for meat preservation. Make it happen!”
A particularly foul-tempered griffon stormed up to Gilda’s “seat of power” and pointed an accusing talon. “You suck, and your new laws double-suck!!”
“Okay, fine,” said Gilda, holding out her crown and twirling it on a claw. “You can be queen.”
The offending griffon recoiled as if Gilda had offered her a deadly viper, then fled like a streaking crossbow bolt.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Gilda pointed to more griffons in the crowd. “You want a job too? Get those library books indoors and sort them. We’ve gotta keep Princess Purplepants and her friends on our good side. You, see what it’ll cost to build a train station here and extend the tracks. And you, talk to the ambassador from the yaks and make sure he doesn’t destroy anything we didn’t want destroyed anyway!”
When Gilda retreated back into her house to unwind for a bit, Gabby was there to cheer her up, despite nogriffon having invited her. “Wow, you’re really good at this, Gilda! When did you learn so much about running a city?”
“Oh, here and there,” said Gilda cagily. “Blessing of Boreas, yadda yadda.” Once she finally got Gabby to leave, though, she booted up the human computer that Princess Twilight had gifted her, and started a new game of SimVillage Online.
Luck was really going Gilda’s way; she was delighted to see that the game had matched her with her favorite opponent, Goldie Locks. “Hey there!” Gilda said aloud while she typed in the chat. “I could really use some more tips for playing on Expert mode. There’s, um… yeah, there’s still some things I’m not quite getting...”
Far away in the Canterlot Royal Palace, Princess Luna looked in on her sister, frowning. “Celly, are you playing video games on that human computing engine again, after you chastised me for playing the mobile-phone too much? Why do you not do something productive with your time?” Luna trotted away, shaking her head.
Princess Celestia smiled, then turned her attention back to SimVillage Online. “Ask away, Crooked Feather,” she typed with her magic. “I’m always happy to train up a more worthy opponent.”
Session 95.15 Grogar-the-oneser
"So your character name is Rarity?"
"I'm the team cleric, I think I can choose any name I want without criticism, Recker." Rarity tease the team fighter.
"Yeah, if I can choose not to go full outfit, Rarity can choose her own name." Applejack stated as she had the animals search for treasure
"Seriously, how the heck are you doing that?" Rainbow questioned
"Ranger," Applejack stated, as if that explained everything.
Session 95.16 Unown3
"Hiiiiiii!" Waved a ghostly paled skinned 'human' with solid black eyes and six shadowy wings, and slick black hair, wearing a pale outfit with suspenders.
"Uh.. who are you?" Sunset Shimmer asked surrounded by her friends.
"I'm the envoy of the end, the time has come. Was fun while it lasted. But now it's over. I'm just making a quick stop here before heading off to Equestria in a few months give or take. But the bell tolls for you now."
Session 95.17 sonicandmario826
Pinkie suddenly showed up out of nowhere saying, “Actually we still have a few shorts left before we’re done.”
The envoy rolled its eyes before saying, “Fine, but I’ll be back.”
The mysterious figure then disappears without a trace.
Session 95.18 Ardashir
"So, why is this happening again?" Twilight asked as she tried to escape from Garble's crushing grip.
"I''d like ta know that too -- leggo a' me, ya crazy lizard!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings desperately to escape Garble's clutches. He just squeezed her and Twilight even more tightly. "I thought ya got over hating us!"
"I don't hate you! I love you!" Garble sobbed out, slurring his words. He swayed on his feet as he held them both. "Ponies gave me a home after Ember banished me, an' they like my poo-por-poetry, an' you saved all th' little hatchlings!" He focused his bleary eyes on Fluttershy. "Well, she did. But she's a pony so that means you helped too! Somehow. I think." He started sobbing and hugged them even tighter as their ribs creaked.
"I'm so sorry, girls," Fluttershy held her hooves to her mouth. She put her hooves over her mouth to cover her laughter. "I got into a game, I guess, with Tree Hugger. Each of us tried to produce a plant the other had never heard of..."
"Well how did that lead to THIS?" Twilight yelled. She teleported out of Garble's grip, only for him to snatch her right back.
"Uh, well, she brought back something she and her friends grew by crossbreeding Dragon Sneeze trees with some plants of theirs," Fluttershy explained. She smiled at Garble. "I'm not sure what. But does it matter? I've never seen Garble so happy."
"I can guess!" Dash yelled and fought to escape. "I'm just glad I was able ta convince Discord ta turn me and Scootaloo back ta ponies so I could perform with the Wonderbolts -- yow, watch those ribs, pal!"
Twilight froze as she thought of something. "Fluttershy, how much of this stuff did Tree Hugger bring back?"
Both Dash and Twilight shuddered at the sound of draconic whoops of joy outside the Friendship School.
"Hey, guys! Watch how far this blast goes!" There came a sound like a small volcanic eruption, followed by Gallus' yell: "Hey! My pinfeathers!"
"Oh, not much," Fluttershy looked embarassed as Twilight frowned. "Just enough to keep the dragons playful for a few days. How much damage can they do?"
Twilight sighed and yelled. "SPIKE! We need to send a message to Celestia for some help..."
Spike flew lazily into the room, crashed into the wall, and slid down to the floor. He smiled blearily at Twilight. "Hey, Twi! Great to see you and my besh, my best dragon buddy Gar-Gar," he giggled, "gettin' along so well! You know," he waved one claw as though trying to point at all of them at once, individually, "that Tree Hugger is pretty chill, too. It was great of her to share those brownies with me an' Smolder an' Sludge an' all th' other dragons..."
Twiight groaned. "And I thought Sunset's coffee shipments were a problem."
Session 95.19 Ardashir
Rarity exclaimed, "But I don't have anything to wear for -- girls, just what does one wear for the end of the world?"
Spike cried out, "But the world can't end now! I haven't even seen the sequel to the latest Godzilla movie yet!"
Sci-Twi snapped, "Spike!"
Spike replied, "Hey, you have your priorities and I have mine."
Adagio sneered at the group. "HAH! I may be about to vanish from existence, but at least I'll see all of you go too!"
The Envoy of the End raised a finger, "Actually, you Sirens will be sticking around."
The Mane Seven all together shouted, "What?!?"
Adagio fist pumped. "YES! I get to survive even the end of the world! I'll rule the new universe as its absolute GODDESS! And..."
The avatar of the coming of the end waved a hand. A TV screen appeared with the words 'Sonata the Happy Siren Show' on screen.
The TV showed a smiling blue Siren with her yellow and purple Siren sidekicks swimming in a happy sea as she sang,
"Good is better than Bad!
Glad is better than Sad!
Don't think twice, just be Nice,
Good is better than Bad!"
Sonata cheered, "Yay! I get to lead the band!"
Adagio turned to Sunset. "Kill me now. Please."
Session 95.20 Ardashir (with edits)
Fluttershy whimpered, "The world can't end! Who will look after my poor animals."
Zephyr Breeze lamented, "And Rainbow Dash will never get the chance to beg me to have sex with her!"
Dash said, "Wow, even the Apocalypse has a bright side. I'm feeling bummed over missing the next Daring Do movie though. Remember how they gave me another cameo in it?"
Applejack rolled her eyes. "How can we forget, yah never stop braggin' about it. 'Least Ah don't have ta worry about payin' off those loans on Sweet Apple Acres."
Pinkie Pie grinned and her eyes squeaked as she looked left and right. "WOW! I get to do my first 'The World Is Ending, We're All Doomed' party! Gosh, I wonder, ice cream or cake for everyone? What am I saying? Both, it's our last chance."
***
At Canterlot High:
Principal Celestia over the speaker system called, "This is to remind all students that, despite the 'end of the world' rumor, you're still expected to do your assigned homework."
***
At Crystal Prep:
Ex-Principal Cinch was hiding in a closet with a reinforced door, and leaning against it as pounding came through from the other side. "You don't dare do it! You'll get life!"
Sour Sweet from other side of door cackled, "Ha-ahahaha! Come up with a meaningful threat! Now let's get her, guys!"
Lemon Zest said, "Wow, tossing our hated principal off the roof! Dare we live the dream?"
"EX-Principle," Sugarcoat said. "I regret we'll never get to 'go pony' like Twilight and assimilate her into our circle of friends."
Session 95.21 Mtangalion
Starlight sipped her tea and sighed, wishing she had something strongly alcoholic to put in it. “So, Smolder! Is there anything you’ve been wanting to talk about? Maybe something you’ve been… oh, I don’t know, reluctant to bring up at our counseling sessions?”
The young orange dragoness blushed… blushed! … Sitting at Princess Twilight’s private tea table with them, wearing an adorable pink dress. “W-Why would you think that, Professor Starlight?” She beamed at Starlight, concealing her fangs. “Teehee!”
Princess Twilight knocked back her own cup of tea like she actually was drinking shots, then refilled it with her magic. “And if it wasn’t for Equestria’s new draconic copyright regime and these insane copyright term extensions, we could have easily had a Daring Do meets The Legend of Cadence crossover by now! Why won’t Luna listen to me and… ugh, just change the laws already?!”
Knowing that she’d probably regret it, Starlight raised a hoof. "Twilight, don't you mean 'draconian’ copyright regime?'"
Smolder put down her teacup. “Nah, draconic is the right word. Hold on, I’ll show you!”
Several teleports later, Twilight, Starlight, and Smolder were being shown around a spacious new law office in the Crystal Empire, entirely staffed by young dragons. Clerks scribbling away, delivery dragons continually dispatching legal documents by dragonflame and receiving them back again, and lawyers wearing pony-style suits or dragon battle armor, the whole nine yards.
“Why so surprised?” asked Smolder. She’d accidentally burned the dress in her haste to remove it before any other dragon saw. “I mean, hoarding valuable treasures and not caring who else could benefit from them IS kind of our thing.”
At a nearby desk, Eight-Bit was arguing with one of the lawyers. “Hah! It says right here in our new legal disclaimer: 'This role-playing game is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real creatures or races is purely coincidental.' So you CAN'T sue us for portraying lizardmen as dumb anti-intellectuals!"
The dragon lawyer merely laughed. "Uh huh. Mr. Bit, let me tell you about what we in OUR business call an 'Act of Tiamat.'"
He opened a window… and in the far distance, they all saw Tiamat herself swoop down and sit on a certain RPG publishing studio. “OOPS.”
Session 95.22 Ardashir
Twilight's day was going calmly and everything looked rosy, with no villain or monster attacks to worry about. She sat back in her chair at the Friendship School, having set down her latest Daring Do novel to start reading reports on the new 'Friendship Guards' being hired.
"Okay, we have a Diamond Dog, a hippogriff, Gabriel and those other two griffons and -- huh? Three dragons want to join? Who..." She looked up as her door opened to admit Klump, Fizzle, and Fume. "You can't be serious!"
"Hey!" Klump and his fellows flew over to land before her desk. "We're dragons, we know how ta fight!" He shook his claws. "And I'm gettin' dishpan hands from all the times Sludge has us scrubbin' the floor."
"It's more dignified!" Fizzle snorted out a blast of fire. "And how many guards do ya have that can do that?"
"Guys, look," Twilight remembered her own experiences with dragons as well as conversations with Ember and Smolder. She flew into the air and hovered over them, making the three young drakes look up at her. "It's just that I don't need so many guards. Ponyville isn't all that dangerous a place, and --"
"Ahhh!" Twi jumped as Spike ran into the room. "Twilight! The whole town's getting attacked by some giant squid guy named Squirk, he broke out of a bottle in Time Turner's lab..." He stopped as equine screams sounded outside the castle, together with water splashing through the windows.
"ALL OF PONYLAND WILL BOW BEFORE MY WATERY MIGHT, AND I --" A mighty voice roared in burbling tones, only to fall silent as a barely audible voice that sounded like Sweetie Bell spoke up. Squirk said, "Oh, thank you little filly, I didn't know things had changed that much. Ahem, where was I, oh yes, PATHETIC PONIES, ALL OF EQUESTRIA WILL BOW BEFORE MY MIGHT!"
Twilight and the three dragons went to the window Outside in the deep magically-summoned lake in the middle of town, a massive crimson cephalopod waved tentacles with razor-edged suckers, snatching roofs off of buildings. A swirling black hole in space appeared above the monster, with burbling groans. Ponies ran far enough to escape his reach, then turned, stopped, and started breaking out the popcorn.
"Rainbow Dash vill take him down vit a Sonic Rainboom!" Lotus Blossom called out.
"Naw, ma big sis Applejack will buck him so hard he'll fly back ta the ocean!" Apple Bloom proudly called out.
Twilight just turned to the three dragons, who seemed to be turning pale under their scales. Even Fizzle.
"Okay, you want to prove you deserve to be guards rather than janitors?" She pointed her hoof at Squirk and the gateway to realms of untold eldritch horror. "Go handle that." She flew back into her office.
"So, genius." Fume and Fizzle looked at the monstrous squid, and then at the horrified Klump. "Tell us again about how easy it'll be ta impress the puny ponies."
Session 95.23 Ardashir
(OOC: In 'honor' of our local festival Musikfest)
"Okay, girls, here we are!" Sunset dropped down from the back of the van, followed by all the girls but Applejack, the sole one of them with a driver's license besides Sunset Shimmer. She felt the heat and humidity hit like a slap. Within a few feet a crowd of the typical summertime celebrants surged, the noise and smells filling the air. Sunset wrinkled her nose at the last part, briefly, and said, "The Rainbooms are getting some real recognition, we were asked to play at Musikfest's Blauplatz."
"Yes, dear," Rarity said, checking the listed performers. "Along with, ahem," she frowned and adjusted her sunglasses, "the Red Hot Ramblers, DJ Kong and the Skull Island Savages, and," she blinked, "what is 'the Jolly Joe Timmer Tribute Band'?"
Her answer came down the street, the crowd parting as men dressed in best German polka tradition went past, brass shining, bare hairy legs marching, horns blaring, and their oompahs oompah-paing. Pinkie clapped her hands in delight. Rarity shuddered.
"No one better ask me to do the Chicken Dance," she muttered.
"Okay," Dash said as she took her guitar out of the van. "Those guys won't be a challenge." She wiped her forehead. "Yow! Hot out here. I hope the hotel room has some AC."
"Whew!" Twilight said as she stepped out of the air-conditioned van. She mopped her forehead. She checked her Ipad and frowned. "Ugh! High temps and thunderstorms all week. Girls, remember to stay hydrated. You too Spike. No need for heatstroke on top of everything else." When Spike stood up and gave her a salute, she coughed and tapped his collar. Spike sulked and dropped back on his four paws. "Remember, this isn't Canterlot High. People might react badly if they saw a talking dog here."
"Looks like th' locals are already gettin' pretty well lubricated," Applejack said as she dodged one staggering hefty Fest attendee. She glanced at the stand's prices and yelled. "Th' hay? Seven an' a half for little Styrofoam cup o' beer, an' more for some cider?"
"They do that to try and keep things under control," Sunset told her. She glanced at the stand and shook her head. "And I thought the prices back in Equestria merchants charged during the Summer Sun Celebration were high." Another Festgoer, bearing an unpleasant similiarity to that overweight CrystalSoft programmer Sludge, swayed past with a tray holding half a dozen drinks. "Maybe they're not high enough for everyone."
Nearby Spike sniffed at some spilled beer and made a gagging noise, complete with one toe held before his muzzle. "I'll never understand what humans see in that stuff. Smells like chemicals in Twi's lab." He looked up to see the beer-toting Fest goer peering at hm blearily. "Uhhh..." he thought desperately. "I can explain."
"Yer early," the man slurred. He pointed to his watch. Some of his beer spilled over Spike, who made a disgusted face. "It's six and you're not supposed to be here until eight."
"Huh?" Spike looked at a nearby clock. He pointed at it. "You're nuts, pal; it's not even three!" He recoiled as the man leaned over, almost collapsing. His breath reminded Spike of the time Sweet Apple Acres' apple harvest half rotted on the trees before falling to the ground.Spike ate some of the apples and remembered very little of the next day. "I mean, I'd say that if I could talk, which I can't. Heh. Ruff, ruff."
"You may think it's three," the man said with tremendous caution, holding one finger up. It moved back and forth, his eyes following it for a moment before he held up one beer and said, "But believe me, this one makes it six!"
(OOC: If this doesn't fit, and it seems not to, then don't use it.)
Session 95.24 Mtangalion
In the human world, Shining Armor looked ready to leap out of his chair and nerd-scream, and World of Horsecraft had only just finished patching and booted up. “YES! It feels like it’s been forever, but the new raid is finally here!” He looked over his shoulder. “Thanks for letting me have this night, Cady.”
Cadence smiled. “Just tell your friends to keep the language down a little, okay?” In her arms, baby Flurry Heart burbled happily, trying to escape her diaper again.
Shining strapped on his headset and microphone. “Early invites are here! Everybody ready?”
“Ready and rarin’ to go!” answered AJ.
“Ready as a slow-roasted Thanksgiving turkey with an extra double helping of Granny’s best cranberry sauce,” said Big Mac in his Orchard Blossom voice.
Twilight made her character do a salute emote. “Present and ready for action!”
“You know it!” said Spike the Dog, on his own laptop.
“Yeah, yeah, can we get started already?” said Rainbow Dash. “I have to do more DPS than Gilda and win our bet!”
“As if!” shouted Gilda, trying to work her mouse with two dogs, Garble and Ember both, trying to climb into her lap for a front-row seat to the game.
“Um, I’m ready too… I guess!” said Fluttershy. “I practiced my Dire Bear rotation, since they added that form to the Druid class officially… oh, I hope I don’t mess up!”
“So where are we going?” asked Pinkie Pie, munching on snacks with her microphone open.
Shining Armor facepalmed. “Did you really not see any of the previews or spoiler videos? We’re going…” He paused, then put on his Epic Dungeon Master voice. “Tonight, we venture into Tartarus itself! There, we shall seek the prize that the evil Lord Tirek thought he could hide from us… The Sparks of Trust and Hope… the keys to the new magic that will be his downfall! … Oh, and I’d like to welcome some of our new and returning guild members from out of town, wink wink!”
“Yep, it’s official,” said a smirking Princess Twilight. “Shining Armor is a dork in any universe.”
“Can’t really argue with that,” said Spike the Dragon.
“Nice support there, guys,” said Prince Shining Armor, on his own computer right beside them.
Smolder grinned deviously. “I hope we get more lovey-dovey cutscenes with Garble the Dragon Brawler and Ember!”
“Hey, shut up!” whined Garble, logging into his griffon warrior. “Ugh, this game would be so much better if we could make our own dragon characters.”
“I dunno, you still make a pretty good griffon!” teased Queen Gilda. She turned around, glaring at all the griffons trying to watch the game over her shoulders. “What? I’ve only got one of these computer things here! Okay, fine, I’ll ‘stream’ the action to all your phones. Don’t squawk at me if the aethernet crashes again.”
On their computer screens, a flying camera swooped through the smashed gates of Tartarus, past empty crystal cells, lightless depths, and released monsters, before swooping along a crooked path to reveal the first boss…
(GARBLE, THE FALLEN | DARK DRAGON BRAWLER)
Spike the Dragon whistled. “Well, speak of the devil.”
“You gotta be kidding me,” said Garble, NOT pressing his push-to-talk key. “I gotta fight myself?”
Garble the raid boss twirled a massive battle-axe in his paws. His eyes glowed, possessed by the shadowy radiance of the Rainbow of Darkness, and his scales were burned coal black. Roaring, he swept the axe left and right, and giant stone elementals rose, flanking him. “Bring it, dweebs! Those who defy Lord Tirek will be crushed by the rage of the earth!”
Session 95.25 Unown3
Crystalsoft Employee Sludge revealed helpfully. Filling for a day for game designer Discord who was rambling about the end of the world.
"I got this great idea for how to deal with toxic players from this player Equal Rites on the forums...now whenever anyone acts like a jerk, they'll be turned into a living ball of slime! And any naught words will be altered to something more appropriate!"
Vice President Chrysalis' eyes widened. "Uh-oh."
--
"This totally -is a nice and beautiful day-," said a red gold blob of slime.
"If you ask me I think -we should all hug each other,-" said a large gold and white blob of slime.
Meanwhile Equal Rites happily skipped along, the market place full of giant blobs of slime saying happy and pleasant things to each other.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leIF-mIeoWY
Session 95.26 Unown3 (line by Ardashir)
Honest Apple (AJ)
OrchardBlossom (Big Mac)
BBBFF (human Shining Armor)
FaithfulStudent (Sci-Twi)
RisingSun (Sunset Shimmer)
PurplePup (Spike The Dog)
D@r1ng-d0 (Rainbow Dash)
R0xx-star-queen (Human Gilda)
Flutter Nice (Fluttershy)
PinkSugarExplosion (Pinkie Pie)
REAL_Princess (Princess Twilight)
Garbunkle2 (Spike The Dragon)
Crystal_Prince (Pony Shining Armor after finding out BBBFF was taken)
Blackest_Flame (Garble's griffon warrior)
Noneofyourbusiness! (Queen Gilda she din't understand what the character creation was asking her at the time)
Rarity (Rarity)
---
EG!Dash groaned looking at her hot keys. "Yeesh, does it feel to anyone else like it's been more than a year since we played this game?"
That was when Fairest of Them All, Dark Lord, and YourBestFriend(Cozy Glow's character), appeared and rushed to the boss monster Garble... and let their characters be killed to give the gate keeper boss an automatic buff.
Thankfully, Rarity... yes, she had used her own name for her cleric's name, (thankfully she hadn't included her last name), arrived. "Sorry I'm late darlings! Work ran long! And--OH MY!"
And RisingSun showed up,"Ditto! You won't believe what had to deal with those CrystalSoft suits and you were supposed to be with me there REAL-Princess and-Geeze, they aren't pull any punches here are they?"