Session 54
Session 54.0 Patton-42
River opened the door to the TARDIS to find that they were, in fact, still in Equestria, just about a millenium in the past.
"Dear, I thought you said we were trying to avoid Equestria."
"I did, but I realized that she probably heard me, and figured she wouldn't think to look here."
"She's an ordinary pegasus. How could she possibly navigate the time vortex? Also, where is here?"
"River, I'm sorry, but "Muffin Button" is the only answer you're getting, aside from "nothing stops the mail". Its like trying to puzzle out Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense; all it does is cause needless headaches and large amounts of gratuitous slapstick. Also, we're in Hoofington in the final days of Discord's reign."
They appeared to be in the middle of the town square, where an important-seeming meeting was occurring. All the townsponies had gathered into two crowds split down the middle. The mare on the podium began to speak.
"And the tie has been broken by the two late arrivals in the blue shed! Ladies and gentlestallions, we have a new Lord Mayor!"
"Doctor, did we just decide an election by being here?"
"Apparently. And these days elective offices are for life. Wonderful. Oh well. I'm sure what with Discord being around and his inevitable defeat coming up, the new mayor won't be in office long anyway. But just in case..."
A sound like that of a million muffins instantly materializing suddenly shook the square. "Hey, Dooooc! You can't hide from me!"
"Never mind! I'm sure its nothing major! Run!!"
As the couple fled, the new mayor took the podium...
"Everypony, your new mayor: Chaos Tyhpon-er, Typhoon!"
The pony in question, who had wild eyes and a black-and-white-striped circle for a cutie mark, smiled.
"Heh. Cosmic Freudian Slip much?" he muttered, before addressing his new playthings-er, subjects. "Greetings all! Tis I, your new maste-mayor! Yes, that. My first issue of business shall be to aid in bringing that dastardly (and handsome, he mumbled) rogue Discord to justice! After which, well, we'll see how things play out. Farewell, you suckers- er, I mean...nope, actually, you deserve that one. I mean seriously, my main campaign promise was to institute a spy agency made entirely out of animals wearing fedoras! Those haven't even been invented yet! And it didn't even have a cool acronym."
With that, he vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving a slightly puzzled crowd behind.
The TARDIS...
"Sweetie, I couldn't help but overhear who the mayor we elected was. And..."
"Yes, yes, I heard it too. So that explains the "Discord takes over legally" article in Equestria Daily. And here I thought that tabloids never print the truth."
"At least they all realized that all their laws need some cleaning out after a thousand plus years, and not just the Luna-related ones."
"Right. Good. Crisis averted. Let's keep moving before she finds us. Its only a matter of time before she figures out a way to bypass all of this and just teleport herself in here."
Two time periods and one change to history later...
"Doctor! Did we just hit something? I thought this was the only TARDIS left!"
"It is! Unless its just me again. I'd like that; I'd get another chance to see my old self again, plus I already know how to avoid Belgium."
The inter-TARDIS communicator(which was covered with dust for obvious reasons) suddenly crackled to life. "Hey. I'm so sorry about the collision, I'm kinda new at this. Can we set down somewhere so I can make sure I didn't cause any damage?"
"Yes, very well."
"Um, Doctor? Nothing got damaged."
"Yes, I know, but I haven't been in a wreck in so long that I actually am just doing this for the experience. Plus, I haven't met a time traveller who isn't out to kill me, marry me, or mock me with her career choices in even longer. And besides, if I don't know where I'm going, how can she?"
"I'd tell you, but I resent your comment about my profession, so I'll let you deal with your logic flaws on your own this time."
A nameless wasteland...
The stranger's time machine resembled an egg with landing tines. Given the tech it was working with, the inventor would have had to have been a genius with bottomless pockets to construct it. And by the looks of the pilot, he was neither. The doctor wasn't puzzled by the silver hair, the outfit, or even the five-foot sword. All normal things to one part of the universe or another. No, what was surprising was the fact that the stranger was an ape-no, they called themselves human. The human(odd word, that) walked over to the TARDIS.
"I'm really sorry you...guys. ...You're time-travelling horses."
"No, we're not. The technical term is ponies, though I am a Time Lord, and my companion here is half of one."
"Heh. Never thought I'd run into another bi-species person-er, pony. I'm Trunks."
" The Doctor, and this is River Song. Our machine is quite alright, but is yours?"
"Yeah, pretty much. My mom builds tough. So, since you evolved from equines, I'm guessing I'm in some sort of weird parallel universe?"
"I resent the word weird, but yes. I'd suggest retracing your steps to just before you hit me, then inputting your home coordinates. After that, you just try your original destination again, and hopefully the lack of my interference will get you there."
"Thanks a ton. Safe travels!"
"You as well."
The half human guided his machine back into the vortex, with a very familiar sound as the engine accelerated.
"What?! But that-that's the noise the TARDIS makes. Get back here! I'll sue!"
"Oh calm down. You know it only does that because you leave the brakes on, and I notice you haven't fixed that despite the supposed severity of the situation."
"I'll have you know that there is a very good reason they're on. I just won't tell you now. Hmmm, this is actually a rather nice world. Its a perfect spot to-"
"You can't hide from loooooove!"
"-run as fast as we can!!"
Four locations and two more changes to history later...
"Oh wonderful. I guess that collision did do something-we're in a parallel universe! Oh well. Maybe it'll be harder for her to get here."
The Doctor emerged from the TARDIS and surveyed his surroundings. A flat, not too run-down nor too fancy. From what he knew of humans, the tech level was early 21st century. Bedroom and kitchen, a wall with bullet holes in it, violin music, a-wait. 21st century. Bullet holes in a wall. Violin music... Oh.
As the Doctor dealt with his horrifying realization, the music stopped and the man making it stepped into the room. "Who are you and why are you here? Wait, don't tell me, you're a time traveller running from a personal problem. Well, I-"
"RIVER! GET US OUT OF HERE! ANYWHERE ELSE, I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE!!!"
The TARDIS quickly left the flat, as if it knew the reason for the Doctor's fear.
The man watched the large blue box fade out of existence. "Don't take any more drugs, they said. They make you see things that aren't there, they said. Pah."
The TARDIS...
"I hesitate to ask, but why exactly...?"
"When I met my human counterpart, he warned me about this universe. Said there were unspeakably horrific forces that wanted nothing more than to permanently merge my universe and that one, and that they'd stop at nothing to do so. Also, for whatever reason, I got the same feeling I have whenever Derpy closes in-as if the universe is forcing me into a relationship that defies sanity."
"...How...?"
"Muffin button" the Doctor sighed defeatedly.
Three time periods, and yet another change to history later...
"All right. That taffy-spider web should hold her for a few minutes. Now we just need to get out here and hide. There's an abandoned space station here and..." the Doctor's words died in his throat as he stepped out into a very much occupied space station, facing a horde of metallic eyestalks.
"THE. DOCTOR. IS. HERE!"
"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"
"Well, at least I didn't say 'it can't get any worse.'"
To be concluded...
OOC: I've always imagined that Discord's go-to pony form is that of a tall, thin stallion with a knee-length mustache and a tall, thin top hat. Think Gustav the silent movie villain as a pony.
Session 54.1 Devcon101
"...Good luck to all, and may the best mind controller/hypnotist win!"
The image of the unicorn starting the contest played upon the water’s surface, the scrying spell giving full view of what was transpiring. In front of the pool sat a huge stone basin filled with brine water that softly glowed with a sickly green color. Within the water was a huge brain that rested just above the waters surface. Surrounding the brain were a collection of long tentacles, lazily swung over the sides of the basin. The Elder Brain watched with glee, joined by a large number of ponies with squid-like heads , each wearing long, black robes. The Elder Brain let out a telepathic chuckle.
"Those fools have given us one of the best opportunities we’ve had yet! Now all we have to do is wait, and they will seize control of all of Equestria for us! And once control of their minds goes to us, the denizens of this realm will be nothing more than our enthralled cattle! They’ve doomed their entire world, and all over an idiotic contest!"
The Elder Brain let out a telepathic booming, evil cackle, joined by the cackle of the many illithids around him...except for one. The brain soon noticed this, and stopped laughing as it seemed to look at him.
"And why aren’t you laughing, Larry?"
"Well, my lord, I mean no offense, but it’s not exactly that...funny"
"Not funny, hmm?...I see. You know what is funny, though, Larry?"
"...W-wha-"
The illithid before the Elder Brain suddenly found himself picked up telepathically and repeatedly slammed against the walls of the room, then the floor, then the ceiling, then in an arch, before being spun around in the air and smashed down where he was previously.
"Your pain, Larry. It’s hilarious."
Session 54.2 Alex Warlorn
A illithid with glasses then added, "But the mind control contest is a yearly thing... like all those other yearly things pony talk about only seem to ever happen once... So wouldn't we have done this before?"
"SILENCE BARRY! You want to paradox us out of existence?! Now prepare the invasion!"
"The preparation will be longer than you think." A towering green pony the size of a sky scrapper in a business suit with bat wings and a tentacled face appeared.
"PONYTHULU!!!"
"Yes. And I'm here to inform you that after the debacle with the changeling emperor masquerade within a masquerade conspiracy within a conspiracy, all new 'ominous from the shadows' groups species and entities, that are not legally recognized by the Equestrian Codex, must fill out this forum."
A rem of paper work the size of a mountain a appeared.
"But... but... it'll take us a million years to fill all that out!"
"Three million, it's needed in triple format."
Session 54.3 Ardashir
The Equestrian Mind Control Contest didn't take long to get into trouble.
"Uh, Miss Twilight?" Twilight looked down from her position near the top of her bookshelf, where she'd been searching for a book on how to get out of this crazy contest, to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders somewhat reluctantly coming up to her. Apple Bloom moved to stand before her two friends. Scootaloo stood close by Sweetie Belle as though in support, while the little unicorn filly smiled mindlessly. "Can we
ask ya' somethin'?"
"Huh? Sure, you know you can ask me anything," Twilight said, before feeling a chill.
"It's just, well," Apple Bloom trailed one hoof along the ground, not quite looking her in the eyes. "It's 'bout thet mind controllin' contest y'all an' those other folks are doing."
"Oh, no!" Twilight dropped down by them. "Girls, I am SO sorry! I swore never to mind control anypony again - uh, unless I really had to -- but I never thought that contest would make trouble for Ponyville!"
Scootaloo tilted her head. "You didn't think that a bunch of mind controlling spellcasters trying to outdo each other would be a problem?" Twilight blushed.
"Yeah," Apple Bloom said. "Everypony was leavin' school when we saw this tent nearby with a sign on it sayin' that it contained th' most amazin' show in Equestria, free o' charge..."
"Oh, no," Twilight breathed out. Discord, or Adagio, or Chrysalis? They hadn't - not with FOALS, surely!
"So we all went over to look inside," Scootaloo said. "Inside there was just this canvas with a hole in it just big enough for a pony to stick their head through, right under a sign reading 'Don't Look In Here! You Will Be Mind Controlled! And Get Free Ice Cream!'" Now Scootaloo looked embarassed.
"How many of you looked?" Twilight groaned.
"Almost everypony in our class," Apple Bloom said. Twilight felt faint. Bloom pointed at Sweetie. "Every pony thet did, we saw something like little sparks shoot out from inside an' turn their eyes green. Finally, after Sweetie looked and started saying, 'Miz Chrysalis is the best tyrant ever! She's so much better than thet nasty old Starlight Glimmer!' Well, Diamond Tiara walked up then, an' she had some big thing covered with a canvas. She said she'd run home ta bring it back. Said her Ma and Pa bought it after th' last time everypony in town got mind controlled as protection."
"And?" Twilight asked, dreading the answer.
"Well, Diamond said, 'Ah'm stickin' mah head through!' An' then she uncovered this big ol' mirror and stuck it in th' hole!"
"Then what?" Twilight asked, knowing she'd hate the answer.
Scootaloo spoke up. "Well, then we heard a yell from inside, and a moment later Queen Chrysalis came out looking kinda dazed. Diamond Tiara asked her ta hop on two legs and she did. Then Diamond told her to bow, and Chrysalis did. Diamond just kinda laughed then. Next Diamond told everypony else ta go home and do their chores and homework. And she left with Queen Chrysalis following her."
"Wait, Diamond was able to make Chrysalis' mind control backfire? HAH!" Twilight froze in mid laugh as she thought of what this could mean. The mind control abilities of Queen Chrysalis, in the hooves of a angry and bullying foal?
What horrors were in their future?
###
"Hey!" Diamond Tiara yelled at her family's newest maid. "Be careful when you clean those shelves! Grand-Dad spent a lot of time getting those imported crystals!"
"Yes, Mistress Diamond," Chrysalis, dressed in a maid's uniform from Prance, said in a monotone as she slowly dusted the shelves.
In the doorway, Spoiled and Filthy Rich watched in horror. Diamond trotted up to them, almost dancing for joy.
"Look Mom, now we have a maid we can keep, because you don't have to worry about her 'wanting to get ridden by Dad' and firing her. Er, what does that mean anyway?"
###
"Actually, Miss Twilight?" Apple Bloom shook her head. "We really ain't worried about thet. Diamond ain't so bad any more."
Scootaloo nodded. "We wanted to know, can you make Chrysalis give us all the free ice cream she promised?"
Session 54.4 Alex Warlorn
"Mayor Mare! You can't be okay with this mind control contest!" Princess Twilight Sparkle said teleporting into the Mayor's office.
The Mayor's chair turned around. "I'm okay with it if Starlight Glimmer is okay with it." Said Mayor Mare smiling with pin prick eyes.
"Yes, if Starlight Glimmer thinks it's okay, then it's okay." Added Raven, Mayor Mare (and sometimes Celestia's) loyal assistant, also smiling with pin prick eyes. The two of them getting more paper work done and running the office more efficiently then they had in a long while. As such, very few ponies were complaining.
Discord telported in. "Now Dear Mayor it's time..." She saw their smiles. "DANGIT she got here first!" He teleported away.
"Mayor Mare! They've taken what Accord did to Equestria and made it a contest!"
"Oh Accord imprinted his identity on every pony he absorbed remember? This time I can actually appreciate not having that heavy free will. It's a lot more liberating and relaxing than I ever thought it would be. Starlight Glimmer was right, like she always is, that it would help me get more done today."
Session 54.5 Alex Warlorn (Spoilers for IDW FiM #52)
What none of the foals playing different species, let along the guests instructors acting as their guide in the 'game' of stopping the fictional Time Breakers... was a gray unicorn stallion with a scar across his face and a book cutie mark to appear.
"I am here to save Equestria. Good news is that none of you will have to study history ever again, because history begins today." And began blasting objects, places, and historical 'people', leaving white voids in their place. Worse, Cheerilee realized she couldn't remember what had even BEEN in the white voids!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Dragon Cheerilee roared.
"Just as I said. I'm saving Equestria. The only way to keep the great evil trapped in the past is to destroy it. Any knowledge to its existence is a threat. If I leave so much as an outline, a threat can remain. I must obliterate ALL history to save Equestria and Ponykind from doom." The stallion continued to obliterate pages of history from existence from within the enchanted comic with reckless abandon.
Session 54.6 Ardashir EDITED!
Discord appeared beside the river running through Ponyville. "Yoo-hoo! Steve Magnet! It's been several seasons since we saw you, so..."
Steve Magnet was already there, his eyes swirling as Adagio in her Siren form sang to him. A Kelpie swam beside him, wearing a crudely lettered sign reading, JUST A POSER.
"You are SO right, dear," he said, his voice seeming empty. "I simply MUST start competing with the other, less fashionable river serpents. My cousins Nessie and Morag have been getting SO full of themselves."
"I will obey, Mistress Adagio," the Kelpie mumbled. "You are my master."
Adagio smirked at Discord. "Get lost, creepy. These two are mine."
"Blast it!" Discord snapped his claws and vanished.
Only to reappear in Canterlot, in the Sun Palace. "I'll probably get in trouble for this, but I'm not about to lose now --" He broke off as he saw Sunset Shimmer standing between Celestia and Luna, both of them with very wide pupils and broad smiles on their faces
"OH COME ON!" Discord vanished with a huff.
"What was that all about?" Celestia asked. She looked around, walking carefully as though barely able to see. She almost knocked a vase over. "Was that Discord?"
Behind her and Luna, the Royal Optometrist walked out, rolling up his eye charts for their regular exam. "Your majesties," he said, "Please remember, you'll have difficulty seeing for an hour or so. Be careful until then."
"We will, Doctor Oculus," Celestia said to a marble pillar beside her. "My, but you look pale. But again, was that Discord?"
"It was," Sunset Shimmer said as she magically grabbed the vase. "Uh, I guess he was here about the mind control contest."
"What mind control contest?" Luna asked, blinking desperately. "And when do these eyedrops wear off? I can barely see anything!"
Session 54.7 Devcon101
"Thanks again for accompanying me," Starlight looked over to Twilight with a smile.
"It was nothing really. I’m just excited to actually see Lich-tenstein, considering its been ages since anypony that’s not undead has been there!" Twilight smiled back. "Though I still can’t believe Pinkie was right about zombie ponies being real." Twilight blinked, almost swearing she could hear Pinkie say "I told you so." Must have been the wind.
Lich-tenstein was one of the lesser kingdoms of Germaneigh, one of the only regions of all Equestria where undead coexisted peacefully with the living. And that morning Starlight, oddly enough, had received an invitation to Lich-tenstein by its matriarch for a roleplay game, and, after some convincing by Twilight, had decided to answer. Still, the mare could only ask one question: Why? Why would she have been asked over by the matriarch of a kingdom she didn’t know about until that morning?
Her thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of thundering hoof-steps, as before the two a large, black, ornate carriage came into view, pulled by two massive, skeletal horses. The carriage quickly pulled up before the two, as its driver’s examined the two mares before them. The door to the carriage opened with a loud creak, and out stepped the grand matriarch of Lich-tenstein, identifiable by the large, black, jewel-adorned crown they wore.
The matriarch appeared at first as a tall, skeletal unicorn, two glowing green orbs in its sockets trained on the two ponies before it. However, it was mere moments after exiting the carriage that the skeleton’s horn glowed violet in color, a similar glow surrounding its entire form it took on the visage of a living, unicorn mare with pale purple skin and dark purple hair that had one long blue stripe going down it. The corners of the lich’s mouth turned up into a small smile as she saw Starlight, who looked before her in shock as things began to make sense as to why she had been invited. Of course, it had only ended up giving her more questions. Lots more questions.
"...M-mom?" Starlght asked, staring in disbelief at Lich-tenstein’s matriarch who simply gave an affirmative nod, clearly a silent type.
Session 54.8 Devcon101
All throughout the illithid complex, the mind flayers all clutched several sheets of paper, writing down responses to the questions posed upon them. The Elder Brain took a good majority of the workload, finishing one paper before picking up another one and starting again. Ponythulhu’s paper work would take about 3 million years, so they wished to get it done quickly.
Suddenly, however, one illithid in a top hat came up to the elder brain.
"My Lord!", he exclaimed, "I think I’ve found us a way to begin the invasion millions of years ahead of schedule!"
"How, Jerry?" The Elder Brain put down his paper to "look" at him.
"Two words, my lord: Time Travel. By the time we finish this paper work, time spells will probably be much more common and easy to find. So we write a note to ourselves telling future us to send the finished papers back in time to this point, allowing us to finally begin the plan!"
"...Jerry, you are a genius!" The Elder Brain laughed. "And if you’re right, they should be appearing right….now!" Suddenly, a time portal opened in front of them both, and out dropped a mountain of papers.
"Yes! Now we can begin our invasion!" One mind flayer went up to the mountain and took off one of the sheets.
"Actually, my lord, these aren’t the filled out sheets."
"WHAT?! What are they then?!"
"The paperwork for using such a long distance time travel spell. But look on the bright side, my lord! This one says it doesn’t have to be in triple format!"
That mind flayer soon found himself suffering a similar fate to Larry.
Session 54.9 QuartzScale
Strangely enough Bon Bon was busy this week leaving Derpy with a new cadre of ponies taking the charge for her Muffin theaters as she called them. On her right stood her steadfast friend Lyra, absent mindedly eating a muffin. While on her right for a rare treat was Mayor Mare who was talking about that whole debacle with the mind control contest that swept through Ponyville earlier that month. Next to Lyra was Minuette who was visiting for the week due to something about dental work needed in Ponyville and the concept of her own office. It truly was a cavalcade of strange faces tonight. Soon enough the muffins went down to the last muffin. While Minuette excused herself from the last muffin the other two mares didn’t.
"Who would like the last muffin?" Derpy chirped out.
"ME!"
The two sized each other up only to suddenly be swept away into the cascading magic of the Muffin button beneath the hoof of a very funny mail mare. Lyra immediately was in her red suit with the fancy cravat around her neck. She instantly looked confident and content.
Minuette panicked for a moment only to come back down wearing long brown faux leather gloves and a large blue scarf around her neck billowing in the wind even though they were inside a building. Her mane was styled into a bun while two needles were keeping its shape in her mane. The two needles for some reason turned out to be dental equipment. Near her hoof was a small device with the words Little Thief on it.
Mayor Mare changed even more than that. She was instantly wearing what seemed like a military suit complete with shoulder pads and several medals on her barrel. Her gray mane was frazzled and she seemed to look frail at the moment though her eyes said otherwise. Near her was a small wooden cane though the handle seemed to be out of place for some reason. In seconds something changed and the room didn’t turn into a courtroom.
"Please state your cases?" Derpy shook her hoof out while Minuette watched in rapt attention.
"Of course Derpy. As a close friend of yours that muffin belongs to me especially after I was given the short end of the straw and received a bran muffin. That was a mistake that should be rectified in no time at all. And to this court I submit that no one deserves that muffin more than me.
OBJECTION!
Mayor Mare instantly stopped slouching standing up as straight as possible. What looked like a frail old mare instantly became the equivalent of a powerful guardspony general. Little time passed between that and Lyra’s jaw dropping.
"As the leader of this town," Mayor Mare quietly whispered to herself "Not including Princess Twilight," Her voice regained its volume. "I deserve the muffin especially for dealing with several times the town has been taken over, the mind control schemes, the constant destruction of property, and the ravings of a princess who easily falls into mind control situations like the debacle that happened a few weeks ago. I don’t need to tell you just how out of hand that got. I still don’t remember who won that disaster."
OBJECTION!
"I deserve that muffin for somehow ending up in this situation. I don’t even know why I’m here for this except that this scarf makes me look utterly badass. Now I can hunt down those cavities before they get out of hand. NINJA FLASH!" Minuette instantly shot a light spell into the room stunning everyone. At the same time Derpy pressed the muffin button before she could do so.
When the light faded Minuette fell flat on her face stunned from the sudden use of a spell that grandiose. Lyra and Mayor Mare looked around in confusion and noticed that the muffin was gone. When Minuette finally rolled over the muffin was beneath her… crushed and unate. Derpy immediately rushed to the muffins side. She cradled it’s crumbling body tenderly as tears fell down her cheeks. Minuette looked away saddened at making her cry but instead of being mad Derpy just hugged her.
"I’m sorry for ruining your muffin…" Her voice was breaking and Minuette just cried back as well.
After an impromptu ceremony for the General Flaky Crust Muffin Extraordinaire the mares all sat down and enjoyed a collection of fresh muffins. Each held a moment of silence before eating. That night Derpy knew what it meant to truly be a muffin living on the edge.
Session 54.10 Mtangalion
Judging by her mussed mane, Princess Twilight was already a little unhinged, and she and her friends hadn’t even started their usual weekly O&O session yet. That was never a good sign.
Twilight tapped her hoof on the Cutie Map table. "Let’s get started, everypony! Tonight, we’re going to be adventuring across a broken land!" She teleported something onto the table. It might have once been a landscape miniature set, before somepony melted it, fed it to a taffy machine, and possibly set it on fire. "One where time and space have no meaning that can be expressed by conventional physics!"
Rarity gave Twilight a delicate frown, the one she usually reserved for customers who were praising her for a garment that they’d managed to put on inside-out. "That does sound exciting, darling, but what about the adventure we were engaged in last week?"
Rainbow Dash flew up out of her throne, sniffing at the miniature set and making a revolted face. "Yeah! We were going to storm the castle and kick Baron Lame Yard’s flank!"
Fluttershy raised a hoof. "Um… I’m sorry, but it was Baron Lanyard. I think…"
"Yeah, Lame Yard, like I said!" Dash hovered in Twilight’s face. "What gives?"
Twilight chuckled to herself. "Yes, we were about to do something like that." She looked pointedly at Rainbow. "Until some adventurer decided to put a Bag of Holding inside another Bag of Holding. Disregarding, I might add, the warnings of a concerned priest passing by, the local barkeep, the head of her entire guild, and the goddess of magic herself!"
"Whaaat?! Oh, come on! All of those ponies warning us were just you talking in different funny voices!"
"It’s my duty as the Oubliette Overseer, Dash. Also, Baron Lanyard and all of his evil minions might have kind of fallen into the Astral Plane and been replaced by a clan of beholders and an archfiend from the Beyond."
"Ooh, can we make friends with them?" asked Pinkie Pie, bouncing in her seat. "And share cake and teach them the meaning of smiles and parties, and journey into the planar rifts in search of the lost muffin dimension?"
Twilight blinked. "What? Er… we might! Anything could happen!"
Applejack groaned. "Now, hold on just a sec, Twi. Ah’ve read that Oubliette Overseein’ Manual too, and it only said that the Bags of Holding would just plum vanish, and open a hole to the astral plane. It didn’t say a thing about destroyin’ the whole universe!"
"It didn’t say so explicitly," said Twilight brightly, "but the implications of the paradox are clear, at least for a universe where such destructive transdimensional interactions are possible, unlike our own, thankfully." She teleported a blackboard into the room behind her, tapping several key equations with a levitated piece of chalk.
Applejack stamped over to the chalkboard in a huff and snatched the chalk with a hoof, adding more equations to the board. "Eenope. Paradoxes don’t work like that. See here? When you solve for this integral, the equation only has imaginary solutions, so the interaction isn’t physically possible, and it just won’t happen."
Twilight’s mouth fell open. "Well… that’s a rather simplistic view of arcanoquantum theory! If you apply Hoofenberg’s principle…"
Pinkie Pie beamed and shrugged at Rarity, Fluttershy, and Dash. "I’ll go get the Crystals and Rainbows set."
Session 54.11 Alex Warlorn
"WELCOME! TO LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!" Discord declared dressed up like Daring Do.
He was in front of a twelve room stone building in cliche Aztec/Inca/Maya design in a deep jungle. It was surrounded by a moat and a series of steps, followed by a buncha of what might have been an obstacle course, or playground equipment.
"And today we have six teams of foals who will be competing for one of the mysterious artifacts located within The Hidden Temple! And those teams are!:
The Red Jaguars, Apple Bloom and Tender Taps!"
And audience of various creatures cheered for each announced team.
"Blue Barracudas, Sweetie Belle and Button Mash!"
"Green Monkeys, Twist and Truffle!"
"Orange Iguanas, Scootaloo and Rumble!"
"Silver Snakes, Babs - Pipsqueak!"
"And finally, Purple Parrots, Diamond Tiara and Featherweight!"
"Why can't I be partnered with Silver Spoon?!"
"Because the rules say that each team have to be a colt and a filly."
"What about Randolph?!"
"Your butler is WAAAY over the age limit!"
"So are we gonna be turned into stuff?" Apple Bloom asked.
Discord smiled. "Now what makes you say that?"
The foals all gave him a sullen look.
"Okay maybe you will, but I promise you'll be reverted later, Draconequus', I mean, Fluttershy's friend's honor! Unless this is an alternate universe, which of course it isn't!"
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Daring Do flew in. "First, that temple is a mockery of several dead culture! Second, you better not put any foals in danger! And finally, If I remember right, this show is supposed to have a thousands of year old STATUE cohost!"
Discord paled. "NO! No no no! Nonono!"
"Is Discord, the ultimate showman, really going to do things halfway?" Daring Do smirked.
Discord snarled, breathing fire. "FINE!!!!" He snapped his fingers. And a giant stone of himself appeared in his place. "ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!" The status asked with a sullen look.
"Very," Daring Do said, picking up the magic microphone. "This show is composed of four rounds. First four teams across the moat move on, and be told the story of the artifact from our host, heh. Then first two teams across the steps of knowledge, and then the beat out of three teams for the temple games, and the last team will make a run for the temple which you may or may not succeed at, look out for the temple guards, the pendants you win in the games will protect you once. Now! Start kayaking!"
The six teams began to kayak across the moat.
Scoots and Rumble didn't seem to be doing so bad, except, "Dash is best!"
"No! Thunderlane is best!" They tried to out paddle each other and capsized.
And Twist and Truffle... weren't the most physical of earth ponies.
"So we have our teams!" Discord said. "And you can pretty much guess what happens next!"
In a flash, Twist and Truffle assumed 'see no evil' and 'speak no evil' poses, and transformed into jade monkey statues and appeared in the temple. As for Scootaloo and Rumble, they turned into a purple and gray teenage dragons dressed in jungle outfits with spears inside the temple, their minds focused on guarding it.
"Knew it," Apple Bloom sighed.
"Now, what shall be the artifact our heroes are after today Discord?" Daring Do asked.
(Someone else feel free to write what comes next!)
Session 54.12 Devcon101
`Saxy took a sip of her drink as she stared down at her cards, taking the occasional glance at Octavia who sat at the other end of the table. It had taken some convincing, but she’d managed to get the mare to play a game of poker. Of course, they weren’t betting anything, considering it was one of Octavia’s first times playing (at least to her knowledge), but Saxy was not one to purposely lose or "go easy" on anyone. To do so was like an insult to the game itself.
"If we were betting anything sis, I’d raise." Saxy smiled at Octavia, who nodded.
"I’d call."
Saxy was first to lay down her cards, revealing a Strait Flush. Normally she would’ve cheated herself a Royal, but for her first time she thought she’d give Octavia more of a fair game. Some would call that going easy, but to Saxy cheating, despite having no problem with it, was still cheating in Poker, and so to not was technically not going easy. Octavia smiled as she herself set down a Royal flush. Saxy blinked, surprised, before smiling in return.
"Seems I’m beat, sis." She took a long swig of her drink, giving a small satisfied sigh as she got up.
"I’m feeling generous today, sis. I know we technically aren’t celebrating your birthday for another few days..." she trailed off, heading into the other room. They had wanted to celebrate her birthday that past weekend, but due to a myriad of other complications, including that Hypnosis Contest – Saxy shuddered, remembering what that draconequus had done to her and Tavi when he found they hadn’t yet been claimed – they’d postponed it to a few days from now. She soon came back in with a wrapped up box.
"...but I think a mare’s first Royal flush deserves to be celebrated, y’know?." She slid the box over to Octavia, who blinked.
"Well, I know I shouldn’t open my gifts until the party, but if you insist..." Octavia slowly and delicately removed the paper, before opening the box, revealing...a pair of fancy headphones. Octavia blinked, examining them.
"...Saxy, I believe you may have accidentally wrapped up one of Vinyl’s packages." Saxy shook her head.
"Nope. I know you dropped out of your DJ dreams some time ago and…," She paused, giving an irritated sigh, "...began liking Classical..."
She spat the words out like venom. The Melody family liked many types of music (Saxy liked Jazz, their mother lived for Rock, and their cousin Fiddlesticks adored Country, to give a few examples), but the one genre that no Melody liked, except for Octavia it seemed, was Classical.
"...but I thought you still might like a pair." Octavia gave them a look over, hesitating.
"Put em’ on before I take them back to the store. Those things weren’t cheap."
"...I suppose I can get Vinyl to put some Beethoofen on these" she finally said, putting them on, only for Saxy to stroll over and turn them on, the sounds of his work beginning to play.
"Already took care of that. Happy...What do they call it nowadays? Late birthday? Unbirthday?"
"I think late birthday will do." Octavia gave a soft smile, before it turned into a playful smirk.
"Up for another round? I’m feeling lucky today."
"Thatta girl! Though don’t get too cocky. I have years on ya" Saxy said with a smug grin as she sat down and took a drink, before shuffling the cards.
Later...
Saxy’s jaw dropped as Octavia beat her for the eighty-seventh time in a row.
"...Sis, you and me really need to go to Las Pegasus sometime."
Session 54.13 Devcon101
The two doors to the Lich-tenstein throne room slowly creaked open to allow inside Twilight, Starlight and the lich Aurora Glimmer, the kingdom’s matriarch. Lit by large torches placed in equal intervals along the wall, the throne room was notably somewhat smaller than Celestia and Luna’s throne room, being about as large as Twilight’s. Hung on the walls were large paintings of previous rulers of Lich-tenstein, while hanging above the throne was a painting of Aurora Glimmer herself. The throne, meanwhile, was made entirely out of bones and skulls of an assortment of different creatures. Before the throne a large, round table had been set up, a multitude of other bone seats set around it. Sitting in one of the other seats was a living unicorn mare, a mare who’s appearance looked akin to a pony version of a human Twilight had heard of from her human world counterpart.
"You really need to bring some back up when you head out. One of these days you might need it." The white haired, blue coated mare looked up from a large book she had been reading, staring at the matriarch who simply rolled her eyes.
Aurora trotted up to her throne and sat down, motioning for her guests to sit down as well, which, reluctantly, they did, not exactly comfortable to be sitting upon chairs constructed from bones. The matriarch’s horn lit up, and a large grid formed over the table. She proceeded to levitate two books over to them, along with two character sheets. They were player’s handbooks to Ogres and Oubliettes, though based on the cover it seemed it was a Lich-tenstein version, demonstrating some undead characters among the party and a replacement of the skeletons they had been fighting with goblins. She then got out books and character sheets for her and "Sugar." Twilight and Starlight gave a quick look through the book, noticing major changes within compared to their version.
"Take your time." The deep, booming, almost demonic sounding voice of the matriarch rang through the throne room, somewhat startling Twilight and Starlight who had yet to hear her speak until then, before Aurora summoned a small floating platform between herself and the table, upon which she placed a GM screen and began setting up everything she would need to run. "Sugar", not phased by the queen suddenly speaking, proceeded to begin flipping through her book as well, the room getting eerily quiet. Twilight and Starlight proceeded to both open up their books in turn and started to read through the handbooks, which almost seemed like an entirely new, yet quite similar system to the two.
(Anyone else may feel free to write what comes next)
Session 54.14 Devcon101
Sunburst read through a book within his small little hostel, enjoying a cup of tea in silence when he heard a loud rapping at his door. He quickly dusted off his robes and got up from his seat, trotting over to the door. The doorknob glowed orange as he opened it with his magic, looking up to see a ghastly sight.
Right in front of his door floated a wraith in a tattered suit and tie, its skull face looking down upon the stallion before it. The spirit seemingly cleared its throat.
"Good evening. Sunburst, I presume?" The wraith spoke in a deep, raspy voice as Sunburst looked upon it in fear, giving a nod.
"W-w-why yes, I am..." Sunburst stammered, going through his head all the protection spells against powerful spirits he knew.
"My name is Arkyric. Now, according to the grand matriarch of the kingdom of Lich-tenstein, you wish to "date" the heir to the throne, Starlight Glimmer. Is that correct?"
"...Wait, Starlight’s an heir to a kingdom?" Its eyes narrowed slightly.
"Answer the question Sunburst."
"...W-why yes, I do...i-is that a bad thing?" The wraith shook its head.
"No, no. Nothing wrong with that. However, there are two things I am here for. For one, if you plan to date and later marry the kingdom’s sole heir, it means you yourself will become at least co-ruler of the kingdom. As such, there is many, many things you will need to know to be effective in this role. Having a good understanding of the deep, rich history of Lich-tenstein will be a good place to start." The wraith raised its hoof, which glowed with an eerie purple glow. A large tome appeared in a small flash, the wraith handing it over to Sunburst, who looked upon its cover, which read "Lich-tenstein: Home to the Living and Dead" by Victor Halperein.
"That should cover most of the centuries long history of the kingdom." Sunburst looked at its size.
"...It’s kind of small for such a large topic."
"Lich-tenstein books are enchanted to contain far more than normally would be possible. That book contains somewhere over a three million pages worth of knowledge. I’d get started reading if I were you."
"Over three million?!" The wraith turned away, but paused, as if remembering something.
"Ah yes, I nearly forgot. The matriarch also sent with me this letter for me to read to you." The spirit summoned a large scroll, which upon being opened dropped to the ground and began rolling down the stairs that went up to Sunburst’s home. The wraith gave a quick scan over the letter.
"To save us both time I’ll summarize. The Queen says that, if you truly are dating her daughter, to either break off with her or get off your sorry butt and treat her like a gentleman should, for so far she feels you have been inadequate in those regards. She also made note to inform you that if you continue this "dating" and still choose to ignore her sweetheart that...well, to quote, "...your sorry self should know from ignoring and deserting my dear and instead burying your face into books what exactly incurring the wrath of an arch-lich entails"...I would head her warning if I were you."
The wraith rolled back up the scroll, giving a slight bow, before turning once more and beginning to float away.
"Send a letter once you’re finished with that book. There’s much more you still need to do after it. Good day, Sunburst."
And with that, the wraith flew off, leaving Sunburst standing there, trying to comprehend everything that had just happened.
Session 54.15 Devcon101
Rarity’s eyes scanned over the pages of the Ogres and Oubliettes Monstrous Codex. With Twilight and Starlight gone off to Lich-tenstein to attend a game with the matriarch and her adviser, she was set to run the next game session for the rest of the party in Twilight’s place. And so she searched through the codex, looking for creatures that would make for good encounters.
Currently her eyes were looking through the section on lycanthropes, of which the codex had several; werebears, wereboars, werebeavers, weretimberwolves, just to name a few, and the one Rarity was currently looking at, wererats. According to the codex, wererats were known for being sly, avaricious thieves with a liking for cheese.
‘Almost just like Suri’ the unicorn mused, before continuing on to the section on werecrocodiles, which the book claimed were much different from werealligators.
Elsewhere…
"Give me the cheese." Suri stared down at a small rat, who sat atop a rather large wheel of mozzarella.
"Squeak squeak." Suri gave it a look, holding away the decently sized hunk of cheddar she had in her hooves.
"What?! No you can’t have my cheese! Look, just give it over, mmkay?"
Suri reached for the wheel, only to get her hoof bitten by the little vermin.
"Ow! Why you little…!" Suri smacked the rat of the cheese, causing it to scamper off while shouting a colorful variety of curses at her and her kin. Suri rolled her eyes and took the cheese wheel, putting it and her cheddar side by side as she began to devour both at the same time, her teeth oddly seeming more rat like than pony as she ate.
Session 54.16 Alex Warlorn
"DISCORD THIS ISN'T FUNNY WHAT YOU DID TO SURI!" Buttons shouted.
"How would you know if, I mean, why would I do be doing something like that?" Discord asked as the pony burst into Fluttershy's cottage, startling the animals.
Buttons pointed at her Mickey Mouse like ears and overbite.
"Oh right... you're the same pony, so whatever happens to her happens to you, my bad." Discord sighed and snapped his fingers, undoing Suri's and thus Buttons' transformation. "There? Happy?"
"Yes."
"Discord!" Fluttershy frowned.
"Oh, sorry Fluttershy."
"Apologize to them!"
"Sorry Buttons."
"Apologize to Suri too! Why did you even do this?!"
"I thought it would be funny! What with were creatures being non-existent down this pants leg of reality, I thought I'd create a were-rat for fun! Confuse the professionals again on what exists and what doesn't! Most just assume they messed up when they declared that creature non-existent.. like when I created that flying pig after that photographer made up one!"
Fluttershy blushed. "Oh my."
Discord sighed. "Fine! I apologize to Suri too!"
"But first! You're going to play whatever game Buttons wants."
"Do I have to?"
Fluttershy stared at him. "Oh. Okay. So what game?"
"Well..." Buttons said. "You and the flower trio can all play with me, 'Equalize The Elitist', you try to convert as many Elitists as possible to the wisdom of Equality first!"
"They actually LET YOU publish that brainwashing piece of propaganda?" Discord exasperated.
"It's a free country. Teleport Suri here, and she can play too!"
Session 54.17 Devcon101
Starlight jotted down the information on her character, eyes darting between the Lich-tenstein Ogres and Oubliettes Player’s Handbook that lay open before her and her character sheet. She had decided to play a mummy cleric, and was formulating the personality and backstory in her head as she wrote down all the statistical information upon her sheet. Of course, it wasn’t the only thing on her mind.
"Mom, where’s Dad?" Starlight looked up at Aurora, brow raised. Her mother looked out from behind her screen, mouth opened to speak.
"Our patriarch is out taking care of some things. He said he’ll be back in time for the game." "Sugar" spoke, not looking up from making her character. The matriarch shot her advisor an irritated look as her mouth closed, before going back to organizing everything she’d need. Starlight nodded at what seemed to be the pony version of Sugarcoat, before following up her question with another.
"...Is he also a lich?"
Her mother poked her head back out and shook her head.
"Lich, no. Undead, yes." Her booming, almost demonic voice rang through the room once more, now interrupting "Sugar", who’s mouth promptly shut upon the matriarch speaking.
"Then what is he?" The doors to the room soon opened as if to respond to this very question, and a cloaked figure entered the room, everyone at the table looking up and over at the new arrival. The figure pulled the hood of the cloak down, to reveal what looked like the head of a unicorn stallion...formed out of worms, a small crown sitting atop the mass. The worm that walks "smiled".
"Ah, I see our guests have arrived!" Starlight could only stare at what appeared to be her father only now made of worms, blinking once or twice as her mind was rendered even more confused than it had been prior.
Session 54.18 Kendell2
"So...what exactly is this game?" asked Rainbow Dash, looking at a game box that basically looked like the cheesy fiction of decades ago was having a crisis crossover.
"Shining and his group have been making a lot of good games based on old fiction and toylines from when they were younger," Twilight explained, peeking out the window to see Snips and Snails still playing the Dino Riders one with some of their friends down in Ponyville. "Well this is basically a 'make your own' game. Designed for maximum creativity and insanity."
"So we make some crazy story and play it out?" Gilda asked. "Alright, I'm game for that."
The group nodded in agreement.
"Alright," Twilight said, producing the check list. "First off, come up with a setting."
"In space?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Yes, but WHERE in space?" Twilight asked. "The rulebook actually specifies. One example being 'the wild west except in space'."
"Ah'm game fer that one..." Applejack admitted. "But Ah think they've got another game there..."
"Oh! How about a restaurant! Except in space!" Pinkie Pie asked. "Mmm, space cakes..."
"Eh, we can do something better than that!" Rainbow Dash said. "It's kind of boring."
"How Manehatten in space?" Rarity asked. "That sounds wonderful."
No one complained, that was wacky enough.
"Alright, now we need a hero group, preferably one with multiple adjectives that's some crazy thing," Twilight explained. "One example given is blues singing t-rexes by day and armored superheroes by night who fight dino gangsters."
OOC: Basically, this is meant to be some wacky and crazy 70s/80s style cartoon made into a table top RPG. IE, in the veign of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Gobots, Pirates of Dark Water, Inhumanoids, Street Sharks, and so on. Something out there and creative. Feel free to come up with stuff for it.
Session 54.19 Mtangalion
Ponyville was totally trashed! The Friendship Castle was leaning like it might fall over, several rooftops were still smoking, and the Squidoid mothership had landed smack in the middle of town, crushing a whole bunch of houses.
Another dozen Squidoid invaders oozed their way down the landing ramp, bringing the defeated Elements of Harmony with them. Even the furiously struggling Rainbow Dash couldn’t break free of her electro bands! They’d captured Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence too, and the tough ponies like Big Macintosh and Shining Armor were penned up in an energy corral. Even Gabby hadn’t been able to beat the aliens! She and Gilda were stuck in a weird alien birdcage/cat carrier.
"Mwahaha!" The slimy purple Squidoid Commander waved three of his seventeen tentacles in triumph. "Is there no one on this pathetic planet who can answer our challenge? I will ask one more time!" A hatch opened on the spaceship, and hover beams lowered a golden Prance Prance Revolution machine to the ground. "Defeat me in an Ultimate Intergalactic Dance-Off… or your planet will be ours!"
Button Mash adjusted his propeller beanie, then trotted forward with a shivering Sweetie Belle clinging to his flank for reassurance. Button took a long, slow slurp on a straw. "Hold my juice box," he told Sweetie, hoofing it to her. "I’ve got this."
Button Mash sighed, slumped over the kitchen table and stirring his apple corn flakes aimlessly. "I wish aliens would invade so I didn’t have to go to school."
His mother smiled warmly, nosing him. "Yes, dear, I’m sure we’ve all wished that at some point. Hmm, except for Princess Twilight."
Button Mash giggled. "Yeah, not her."
In her sitting room, Princess Twilight lay on the floor, dragging her hooves through her tangled mane. "Ugh… ponies are talking about me again!"
Princess Celestia took a long, thoughtful sip of her tea. "Yes, that happens."
Session 54.20 Alex Warlorn
And outside the undead kingdom, the guards upset at the interruption of their game of rolling of the bones (their own, of course).
"Uh, what are you doing here kid?" Asked the skeleton warrior.
Tootsie Flute, eyes wide and bright said, "Well, mommy told me gramma was talking a really long nap when the ponies in black suits put her in a wooden box and buried her. I was really confused, until I saw Miss Rainbow Dash putting her tortoise in the ground for a really long nap. Except gramma hasn't woke up from her nap yet... Nor have my goldfish or my dog they put in the ground too for a really long nap. I asked this unicorn in a long dark cloak, and they said you could wake them up from their really long nap."
Session 54.21 Kendell2
"Alright, ponies, are you ready?" Discord asked, preparing to be Animator in a game of Animania. Because Pinkie Pie wanted him to.
"Yes! Now all of you get to find out what it's like to be me and Cheese Sandwich!" Pinkie Pie shouted in excitement.
"...Normally that'd be kind of cool, but...ugh..." said Rainbow Dash, looking over at a certain guest. "Did we HAVE to invite HIM?"
"Oh come on, world's best flyer," said Zephyr Breeze in his typical flirtatious way. "I know it was your idea, you just had to spend time with me."
The cyan pegasus gave a disgusted look. As anyone could guess, she'd tried every way imaginable to convince Fluttershy's little brother that she couldn't be LESS interested him, but apparently his inability to take a hint rivaled Discord's ability to be annoying.
"Oh no, I invited him," said Discord with a chuckle. "After all, we needed his unique personality traits for what I had in mind."
"Please let this by one of the ones where the rabbit humiliates egotistical know it all coyote..." muttered Rainbow Dash.
"Alright, game start!" Discord announced, snapping his fingers as they were suddenly in a cartoon world and all turned into various funny cartoon animals.
Twilight was an owl (no surprise).
Rarity was a pretty white swan.
Applejack was a dog, looking similar to Wiona.
Pinkie Pie...was still Pinkie Pie, just more cartoony looking.
Rainbow Dash looked down at herself...and blinked. "What the ****?!" she asked, noticing she was a cyan colored cat. She blinked. 'Oh, right, G-Rated'. However, before she could question Discord's choice of animal for her, a visible wisp of greenish yellow scent floated over her face. The cat sniffed the air, going wide eyed and her ears pinning back. "And peeyew! What is that SMELL?!" she asked, clamping her paws over her nose.
"I don't know, but even like that, you're looking wonderful, Rainbow," said Zephyr, trotting over to her. Rainbow's eyes went wide as she noticed the big, fluffy aquamarine tail behind him with a pair of light grayish gold stripes down it. That and the visible greenish yellow scent he left in his wake, along with lots of wilted flowers and fainted animals.
"Ugh! Zephyr! Get back, you STINK!" Rainbow Dash muttered, backpeddling from him with a paw over her currently more sensitive nose.
"Oh, Rainbow, always playing hard to get," the irritating pegasus said, somehow seeming too full of himself to notice he stunk to high heavens. Or that everypony else had backed away holding their noses.
Rainbow backed into a large rack of supplies, then jumped as she felt something cold and wet run down her back. Looking back, she found she'd jostled a painter up on top of the rack who'd been (of course) painting with rainbow paint (a major Cloudsdale export), which had naturally made a perfect stripe down her back. "...And now I know what plot we're in," she said in a deadpan voice.
Zephyr noticed the stripe, but (according to Discord) completely failed his intelligence check, and thus failed to notice how she got it. He then noted his own appearance. "Oh we match, Rainbow! I know what's going on here!"
Rainbow tried to back away further, in true cartoon fashion Zephyr's scent seeming to actively try to make its way into her nose. "No you don't, pal!"
Zephyr got up close to her and, on instinct, rubbed his tail under her chin, unknowingly giving the poor pony-turned cat a nose full of skunk smell. "You had Discord bring us here for a romance story, well I'm flattered."
Rainbow Dash swayed slightly, her face turning a sickly green and her eyes watering. While the smell was part of it, she would be lying to say the thought Zephyr purposed didn't make her feel queasy. "Ugh...get away from me you stinker!" she yelled, taking off full speed away.
Zephyr merely bounced off after her (literally), leaving a trail of wilted flowers and fainted animals in his wake.
"Should we help her?" Twilight asked, taking her wings off her nose as the smell faded. She'd question why an owl, a skunk's natural predator, would still smell skunk stench as strongly as anything else, but toon logic.
Applejack shook her head to clear the sensitive canine nose she'd been stuck with...and then blinked, finally noticing Fluttershy, who was a yellow skunk with pink stripes (they were siblings after all) and cautiously sniffed her. Rather than get a nose full of skunk stink, she smelled...well, Fluttershy. "Wait, Fluttershy, why does your brother stink tah high heavens and you smell like...well, you?"
Fluttershy blinked. "...I don't know..."
"I do!" called Pinkie Pie. "You're different kind of skunk gags!"
"Huh?" the shy skunk asked.
"Zephyr's being that Prance Skunk who's always chasing a cat and smelling REALLY bad all the time so she keeps running from him! You're probably the skunk who will only stink when she gets startled!" Pinkie Pie explained.
Almost on cue (and due to rolls dictating it such), the pony who'd split paint on Rainbow dropped his can with a loud bang. Fluttershy gave a scream of fright and, sure enough, filled the ally with a visible pink stench a fog horn sounding, leaving the group gagging and holding their noses.
"See! *Cough* Classic!" Pinkie gagged and eyes watering, but smiling all the same. "And now we all get tomato juice baths!"
"...I'm seriously considering keeping the smell, darling..." coughed Rarity.
"Rarity!" Applejack called, keeping her paws over her nose. "Really?!"
"I'm a beautiful swan! Not a flamingo!"
Session 54.22 Devcon101
Octavia let out a small moan, putting a hoof to her head. Her eyes slowly opened, her vision coming into focus. She scowled, registering a foul taste in her mouth. What had happened that night? She felt like a wreck.
As her vision refocused, she took a quick look around. She appeared to be in an empty dance club, which had, as it seemed, been through quite the wild party. She took note that her headphones were on, though turned off at the moment. She then looked down, seeing herself at a set of turntables and a mixer. Blinking in surprise, she took a few steps back, trying to recall what had occurred the night prior, but to no avail.
"Ugh...what happened last night?" the mare asked, despite seeing nopony around.
Her head turned towards the sudden sound of a door opening, as Saxy strolled into the room, humming a tune to herself. She looked up at Octavia with a grin.
"Finally woke up, eh? Looks like I won’t have to carry you back to the hotel room." She gave a slight chuckle, trotting up to her sister.
"...What happened last night?" Octavia repeated, this time to her sister, who shrugged.
"You weren’t the only one who decided to get wasted sis." She looked around. "Any of the others wind up here?"
"Not that I can tell."
"Great." she said with heavy sarcasm, before looking around. "Usually someone’s taped to something..."
"Saxy, I don’t think Vinyl or anyone in the family is taped to anything."
Saxy went over to the broom closet with a smirk.
"Then what do you call this?" She swung open the closet, to reveal...no one. Octavia raised a brow.
"...An empty broom closet?" Saxy, blinked, looking inside.
"...Huh. Looks like the trope got subverted. Guess we’ll have to actually search them out on our own." Saxy turned around and started to head out, though soon turned back around to face her sister when she saw she was not accompanying her.
"You coming?"
"Yes, just...give me a second..." The mare cradled her aching head, making a mental note to never drink that much again.
Session 54.23 Alex Warlorn
In Ponyville, the mind control competition was still going on.
"STARLIGHT! You brainwashed Applejack AGAIN!? HOW COULD YOU?!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Well, I figured she'd prefer to be brainwashed by a friend than a strange."
"She'd prefer not to be at all!"
"Don't worry, I ordered her to work the fields until she was worn out, and to ramble about her family's odd stories if anypony spoke to her."
"... She does that anyway."
"Yes, I didn't realize how little the brainwashing actually affected her before."
"You are the best Starlight Glimmer." Trixie said, smiling and her eyes pin pricks.
Twilight shot Starlight death glares.
"Don't look at me! She WANTED me to brainwash her so I'd get the points!"
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I'm gonna Beep-Beep Like a Sheep.
8086082
??
i never played DND but iv been thinking about it
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Discord.
I understood that reference.
He has a point.
Huh. Future Trunks. Neat.
221B Baker Street. Home of Holmes. Wait, this is the 21st century, it can't me. Unless it's Cumberbatch Holmes.
Well played.
Why am I not surprised?
Well played Diamond Tiara.
I don't think that's how it works.
Poor Discord getting screwed over at every turn.
Huh?
Clever.
OK but why though?
Because you're you.
Is Daring Do, the brave adventurer, really going to taunt a guy who can warp reality to his whims?
You realize the stuff there is likely rigged and will find a way to screw you over, right?
She has a point.
Agreed. Starlight angry is scary enough, an angry arch-lich sounds worse.
Same reason he does anything, because he thinks he can get a kick out of it.
Sure, why the hell not?
Ho ho, watch out we got a badflank over here!
Eh, say what you will about school but you'd be surprised what you can learn there. Granted, odds are a good portion of what you learn will be utterly useless, but, you won't know what that portion is until you've firmly decided what you want to do. Oh god I'm defending school. What's wrong with me?!
Dear lord this kid's more pure than Finn the pony!
Pepe Le Pew and the cat. Delightful.
Yep.
And here we see the crucial difference between Rainbow and Zephyr, both have egos the size of a planet, but the difference is Rainbow has the wits and ability to back up said ego, Zephyr does not.
Naturally.
Tomato juice washes off. Fun fact, flamingos are naturally white, they're just pink because of all the shrimp in their diet.
Heh, this is pretty funny.
Little tip, hangovers are the result of extreme dehydration, so, if you're gonna drink, drink water and have some food in you first.
To be fair, you're pretty much Trixie's only friend.
8086129
ASDFmovie 10 reference.
I never thought that Doctor Who, DBZ Abridged, Pheonix Wright, and MLP could be combined to make such an entertaining running gag!
One of my favorite ongoing stories!
I really like how 54.18, Pinkie wanted to call in on Marvin and try and cheer him up.
For some reason I keep thinking of Scifi future, in a Remote Outpost, the local doctor, Zecora, recieves a large parcel during the yearly supply run, which when opened up, emerges an inflatabot. By uncompressing and unpacking by inflating. Similar to Big Hero 6 Baymax, but without the weak, rigid metalwork. The bot is not only programmed with all the medical stuff, survival stuff, and everything else you can get in a thousand Watsons database in a fingernail memory chip of that time, but its shape and form is that of a popular medical soap opera main character. Which is also that of a popular lifeguard main character. Lifeguard by day, Doctor by night. Its Daffodil Halteroff. The basis story? Robotic assistance of outposts using non stranger forms. Satisfaction Gurenteed. Asimov. Project Baymatch.
But, is there a hidden agenda.
Zephyr as Pepe le Pew? Excuse me while I lose it in hilarity on the floor for a few minutes.
Hmm, I seem to have made a mistake when considering the mind control competition. There are rules against affecting the judges, directly or indirectly? But, if you were really good at mind control, it would be very difficult to discover that you won by affecting the judges, and if yo were, youre mind controlling and so thats perfectly Normal as well?
What are the person who proposed the competition, using it as a distraction for?
Can we play Mind Control Paranoia? But in that case, wouldnt Kevin win, who isnt even in this gaming group? Or even in this town?
Is Uberwald a neighbor of Lich-tenstein?
8086387
Nothing. It's just a game.
Not sure what that has to do with the story.
No.
Thank you very much for the comments.
8086285
Thank you for the commentary.
8086788
Question, whose idea was the Mind Control Contest thing?
8086795
Why?
8086818
Mere curiosity.
Am I the only one who understood the reference to T-REX? That said yes their is a Saturday Morning cartoon based RPG. You get Exp bonuses of toy commercials and PSAs at the end of sessions. Seems like a pretty fun way to get better gear from the GM " new accessory written into episode!"
8087378
Sounds about right.
8087378 Yep! That was a T-Rex reference! Glad someone caught it!
8086287 I'm glad you like it. I think I have enough to make one more story before unfortunately saying goodbye to the muffin button. Though I will make it epic when it is time.
Yay convenience! Though they're getting better about it.
Just put Wheatley in charge-he's too stupid for that to work.
I'm not sure what's funnier: that she's so in denial that she thinks she'll be forced to mind control somepony, or that given her life she might be right.
And here we have the trap of the first MLP Comics: playing the CMC's(and in this case all of ponyville's) foals as morons for comedy. Now, in some cases like the Lunaverse, this works, since their plans, while insane and obtuse, are limited by them being kids, not idiots. But here its very dependent on the situation. However, since this is a story about mind control competition, I should really just relax(yay reference!)
Despite my previous paragraph, I find this hilarious
How? EDIT: nvm, saw it. Smart move, Deets.
I suspect a punch line
My suspicions are right! Also, didn't that get solved when Filthy ordered his wife to stay away because he was happily married?
I rescind my worries. This is very much in character.
*Hitchcock violins*
I get Discord being ok with this, but why are Bacon Horse and Starlight so ok with it?
Ha!
Once the Doctor has escaped the Daleks and Derpy I plan to have some vignettes showing where he is during each Muffin Trial after the 3rd one.
A new article on optimal book-sorting and filing methods had shaken the foundations of the Dewey Decimal system, and she was questioning whether there really was such a thing as existence.
The fandom immediately after the release of G3.5!
She had been attempting to accurately recreate the landscape of Fallout Equestria, but settled on accurately recreating its quality in physical form.
So, a world run on Pinkie Pie rules.
Twilight dear, please stop pointing your horn at me like a sword.
Works for Linkara.
Why are you surprised? Her cakes and pastries are powerful enough to fight the cookies of Ponythulu. Also, lost muffin dimension. I'mma use that.
Sunset Shimmer, Good King Sombra, Starlight Glimmer like 5 times, and Celestia only knows how much Discord does it.
APPLE MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, no, no! You're still celebrating a birthday! And statistics prove that you've one birthday. Imagine, just one birthday every year! Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays! Which is why you should be gathered here to cheer.
Skulls for the skull throne!!!!!!
Sugarcoat is the adviser to an undead kindgom. Awesome.
You forgot werehares.
The 360th Pokemon.
https://youtu.be/D7E-D1KvXxE?t=91
Really? The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is boring? The Starship Bistromath is boring?!
Mega Fighting Elements of Badflankery because that's how a drill works and that's just how we roll
Any and all jokes about this being unrealisitc shall be reminded of the existence of skateboarding pizza-eating teenage mutant ninja turtles who fight robots and ninjas in new york.
And there you go. Also, its vein.
It was a horror no outsider could comprehend-your average Tuesday!!
Despite not getting the joke(twilight can hear ponies mention her like jessie hears people calling her old? ha...ha?) I still find this funny)
This is the funniest, sadest dark-joke ever.
And the last time he told her no, she broke through dimensions, got into his house, and organized EVERYTHING!!!!
Looney Tunes. The only show where somebody being driven crazy despite not deserving it is still funny.
I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, OK?! I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!!!!
I dunno, she seems totally fine with it now.
8086285
Hey, time lord or no, a piano to the head hurts!
Yay!
And thus was a crisis averted. But the dark, mysterious forces known only as the Wholocks are still out there, always waiting to force their will upon reality. Be watchful my friends.
Thanks!!!!
8094854
This is an actual cartoon. I used to record it as a child.
8094854
Thought of it since Tanks for the memories.
:-)
As is tradition.
8094854 My suspicions are right! Also, didn't that get solved when Filthy ordered his wife to stay away because he was happily married?
Whoops! Either (a) I forgot, or (b) Spoiled is just perpetually suspicious.
They also better watch what they say around Diamond. Little pitchers have big ears.
8094907 And I used to brave my sucky computer, bad wi-fi, and a horrible video site to watch the 2003 remake, which somehow told serious stories very well. Go ninja indeed.
8094945
I meant T-Rex.
8094969 I...I...I...
8096642
Which one? I do a lot.
8094873 Mind keeping me in the loop with the Doctor. I do need him for the finale of the Muffin Theater.
Alex mind changing my name here to the one I use here. I keep forgetting to do that lol.