• Published 2nd Sep 2015
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Ponies and Dragons (Just Have Fun) - Alex Warlorn



A peek at various times of the Mane Six, Spike, and friends, all play Dungeons and Dragons/Ogres and Oubliettes, Paranoia, Call of Ponythulu, Toon, an adaption of themselves, and just about every other role playing game under Celestia's sun.

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Session 16

Session 16.0 Alex Warlorn

"So you see! My game, Gypsy-Carriage, be fun game! Run over vicious rabbits. Liberate coin from stupid creatures. Have all fun in own living room!"

"Uh..." Shining Armor uncomfortable looking at the old nag, he couldn't even tell her type with the different colored rags he was wearing. "I'm sorry but... after the Diamond Dogs... we don't really want to make any games that might be... offensive... " 'Gutless. Also, get me chocolate cheese balls.' Sinning could practically hear his pregnant wife say.

"Offensive? But I Gypsy-pony!"

"Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhh. If you say you are. But sorry no."

"How dare you! I curse you! You first born foal will be named something very stupid! I curse you I curse you!" The old nag scooped up her game prototype and huffed out of the castle.

"Humph! Every pony knows curses aren't real, like zombies."

Meanwhile in Sunny Town deep within Everfree, Gray Hoof sneezed. Rather odd since the zombie pony hadn't sneezed in a very long time indeed. Not since before they mercy killed Ruby for obvious contracting the cutie pox. Why the entire town had been cursed for that was beyond him... which might explain WHY they were still cursed.

Session 16.1 Alex Warlorn

"TWILEY!" Now her big brother burst into her... audience chamber she guessed? She hadn't come up with names for all the rooms yet. And behind him were his high school buddies. Didn't he hang out with his friends from Guard Academy anymore? Sure, Caramel was always with Sassaflash, but what about Cherry, Banjo, and Note-Worthy? "I need to make a royal mandate!"

"... Can't you have Cadence do it?" Twilight felt a headache coming on.

"... Well.. she's getting pretty along on her pregnancy and.. is getting kinda weirder as she gets closer ... and I don't want to stress her out with extra work... "

"I refuse to believe your unborn foal is telekinetically bringing pickled ice-cream into your bedroom when Cadence gets midnight cravings."

"Ugh! It's not about that! It's this new billboard ad!" Shining Armor unfurled it. "This is just insulting! It has to go!"

The Gamer Trio roared in agreement.

Twilight looked down... it seemed to depict a group of mouth breathing, not completely attractive stallions huddled around a table. They looked bored out of their minds. One had fallen face first on the table. They were in somepony's basement and around them were... O&O books with maps and figures... and flashed across the bottom was... dead-pan information on Equestria's largest dating service?

"Shining... I agree this is in bad taste... but... I can't go censoring advertisements... that's how dictatorships get started."

"IT'S SLANDER!" 8-Bit declared.

"ACTUALLY IT'S PRINTED SO IT LIBEL!" Poindexster corrected.

"WHAT HAPPENS IF MY SON SEES THIS?! HE'LL THINK HIS DAD'S HOBBIES ARE WRONG AND STUNT HIS DEVELOPMENT!"

"It's damaging my O&O store's business!" Gaffer protested.

Twilight needed the headache pills. She did Cadence's breathing routine. "Come on, what naive impressionable foal is going to believe this tripe?"

Twilight Sparkle should have known better than to phrase her question like that.

"WE DON'T PLAY O&O! So please play with us! WE DON'T PLAY O&O! So please play us with!" Snips and Snails marched down the streets waving a flag with a crossed out twenty-sider on it.

Session 16.2 Mtangalion


In the Cutie Mark Crusaders' tree house, Button Mash thumped his hooves on the podium. "That billboard is completely unfair! Shining Armor plays O&O, and he's married to a princess!"

"And what about his three friends?" asked Diamond Tiara.

Button blinked. "Well... my dad is married to my mom, of course."

"And the other two?"

Button's ears drooped a bit.

Sweetie Belle glared at her. "Diamond, be nice."

Silver Spoon shrugged. "This is her being nice. You should see the insult jar she's keeping in her room now. It's nearly half full after only a week."

"So, only fifty percent of our O&O playing stallions have a special somepony," mused Apple Bloom.

Diamond Tiara sighed. "No offense... but I don't think we need any fancy Apple math to divide two by four."

"Of course," Apple Bloom continued, "you'd also have to take into account all the Ponyville mares playing O&O now, and gather data on the specific times when O&O games and romantic events occurred to determine the correlation..." She noticed all of the looks she was getting. "What? Ah keeping telling ya, numbers are easy when you work with apples."

"Makes sense," said Scootaloo.

"No it doesn't!" retorted Diamond Tiara. "No, it totally doesn't! Explain to me how that makes any sense!"

Apple Bloom tapped her chin with a hoof, and her face lit up with a grin. "Ah'll prove it to ya! Ah bet you three jars of Zap Apple Jam that if ya help plant apple trees on our farm for a week, you *will* be better with numbers!"

Diamond stared. "So, getting my hooves absolutely filthy..."

Apple Bloom nodded. "Yep!"

"And having to explain this to mother and father, and my embarrassment and loss of social standing..."

"Yep!"

"Versus the tiny possibility of actually getting some kind of math whiz super power out of this?" Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Gee, I *wonder* what are the odds I'd regret taking *that* bet?"

"Only seventeen point four percent," said Apple Bloom.

Diamond Tiara froze. "You know what? Fine." She gave the farm filly a slightly crazed grin. "Let's go plant some apples."

Session 16.3 Alex Warlorn

"Let's start by turning off those pesky high-brain functions shall we?" Discord snapped his fingers.

Gilda ceased to be Gilda, in her place was a feral griffin, driven only by blind instinct and primal drives. This beast held memories of a rainbow maned pegasus with a broken friendship that made no sense to the wild animal.

It only wondered if it should fight or flee from this unknown creature in front of her that had so many confusing scents.

"Now Gilda." Discord grinned, though she didn't really understand what Discord was saying to her at the moment. "See all these tasty ponies? ... Go hunt your natural prey little griffin."

The mindless animal didn't need to be told to begin with, it smelled Prey (ponies, but to the beast they were just Prey, it didn't know things like species names), it let out a blood thirsty shriek and flew at the nearest pegasus, its simplistic mind only knew the desire to kill and eat the Prey.

Gilda woke up with a shriek, she puffed out her chest, raise her shoulder and flared out of her wings on instinct, her eyes darted about... no Discord... no Discord... he was reformed now... he wasn't going to do that to her again... she hadn't killed or eaten any pony... right?

Gilda crawled from the 'guest bed' (couch), and crawled to Dash's room. "Dash?"

"Ugh! Gilda! What happened?"

"Just... just a bad dream... hey, wanna play Animal Town?"

"What? You want that cutesy game in the middle of the-"

"Please Dash?"

".... Alright G', okay."

The two sat down on the couch as RD powered up the old machine from the game she'd gotten from Fluttershy, letting them name the town and their characters, and having a crazy debt to pay off to the raccoon... and all the animals living in harmony... Gilda breathed in deep, she could trust Dash to keep a secret.

Session 16.4 BrutalityInc

(Continuing from 16.1)

"Actually, the solution is quite obvious," Spike said, walking into the audience chamber, eating a tub of ice-cream with a spoon, "Why not have another ad printed, this one depicting the Princess of Friendship and the rest of the Mane Six, or just any group of friends or pony couples, having fun playing tabletop games, with a tagline below saying 'You're never alone in your hobby!' or something. For good measure, add a small print at the bottom stating this message has royal endorsement!"

Princess Twilight, Shining and his friends looked at each other upon hearing this proposal.

"That... might actually work." Shining Armor noted, thinking deeply "That way, we would be able to counter the message of that stupid ad without censoring it, while simultaneously encouraging more ponies to play tabletop games, dispelling the social stigma and stereotype around it, bringing the hobby out to mainstream!"

"Not to mention it would massively boost sales and demand, thereby giving me even more business!" Gaffer added, suddenly excited by the prospect.

"That may be so, but there are ways this could backfire," 8-Bit cautioned, "Some ponies might complain that the Royal Court is giving disproportional support to one hobby or entertainment media, or set a precedent that could lead to a surge of requests for Royal endorsements to other medias and messages."

"Or it could have an opposite effect, namely causing the Princess and her friends to look like nerds with no social life beyond their group, making the problem even worse." Gizmo added cynically, "I can just see all the headlines in the tabloids and newspapers - 'Princess Twilight and Friends: Elements of Nerdiness!'. Not only would it tarnish the Princess's image, it might trigger a moral panic about tabletop games..."

"In any case, this... bears potential." Princess Twilight decided, "Thanks for sharing your idea, Spike! I'll have a word with the other Princesses for advice."

"I'll go find an advert company to print the message if you approve!" Spike said.

"Make sure to find out if that advert company had a rival business who would be MORE than happy to oblige our request..." Shining Armor suggested, giving a rather diabolical smirk.

Session 16.5 Mtangalion

Diamond Tiara put her cards face down on the Apple family's kitchen table, and massaged one sore forehoof with the other. "I scrubbed and scrubbed, and they still feel dirty... but besides that, I guess planting apples wasn't all that bad."

Big Mac and Filthy Rich studied their cards, saying nothing for now, but Apple Bloom pushed a stack of chips forward. "Ah raise fifteen." She winked at Big Mac. "Those eighty-three bits in the pot are as good as mine!"

"Eighty-four," said Diamond Tiara without thinking. She froze.

"Yes!" Apple Bloom hoofbumped with Big Mac. "Told ya!"

"Eeeyup!"

Mr. Rich put a hoof on his daughter's shoulder. "Princess? Are you alright?"

Diamond shook herself. "No... I mean, yes! I need three jars of Zap Apple Jam to pay off the bet, and that's two hundred seventy-two bits with tax, but I don't have to ask for an advance on my allowance because there's three hundred and twelve bits in my insult jar... Buck!" She smiled sheepishly. "Three hundred thirteen when we get home?"

"Ten bits for swearing," said Mr. Rich firmly. "Hmm, we should tell your mother and Miss Cheerilee about this."

Session 16.6 Ardashir



Gaffer, 8-Bit, and Gizmo walked in as the Old Gypsy Pony finished putting her curse on Shining Armor.

"What the heck is going on?" Gaffer blinked to see the old mare. "Wait, is this Chrysalis in one of her disguises? It looks almost ugly enough to be her, but she checked up on our latest 'Changeling' module last week..."

"Changeling!" The three stallions recoiled as the offended mare shut one eye and glared at them with the other. She started with Gaffer. "On you too I put curse!"

"A curse?" 8-Bit snorted. "There's no such a thing!"

"So, you mock me? Bah! Upon you also a curse! And..." She turned to Gizmo, raised her hoof to fling something, and set it back down with a shrug. "Bah. Somepony got to you already." She walked out with chilly dignity.

"Cursed?" Gizmo laughed. "Yeesh, that old bat's crazy! Curses. I'd like to see one hit me!"

Three stallions shuddered upon hearing those words.

You can guess what happened next. The floor right under Gizmo creaked, and groaned, and shuddered. He leaped to the side -- and nothing happened.

Gizmo smirked at his friends. "You guys are bring stupor-, I mean, stupid-, I mean, superstitious! Nothing's going to happen." Gizmo trotted three steps forward.

Just in time for a twenty-pound chunk of falling ceiling plaster to come crashing against his head.

His three friends looked up as Gizmo fell down.

"Guys," Shining Armor gave a sigh, "I though we agreed to get that fixed. Third time this week!"

Session 16.7 Kendell2

"Digipony: Cyber Sleuth?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I believe Button was showing the game version to Sweetie Belle," said Rarity, tapping her chin. "He says he liked it."

"Eh, so long as it's better than the new Manega they made," Rainbow Dash remarked. "Anyway, what's the plot?"

Spike smirked. "Well you see, there's this computer network called EDEN where you can go into, kinda physical and stuff, and your job is to investigate mysteries hackers are causing...Oh, and you're kinda half digital after typical run in with supernatural scifi stuff."

"Alright, this will be fun."

"I DO like mystery novels," said Rarity. "So this should be fun."

"Um...We don't hurt them, right?" Fluttershy asked. "The creatures?"

"Don't worry, Fluttershy, Tamers was the only time they didn't just respawn if anything happened to them," Rainbow Dash explained.

"Oh...that's good..."

"Yeah, and you're kinda able to make a lot of them your friend, so no problem," Spike explained.

"Yay."

Session 16.8 Mooncalf99


Gilda gestured proudly at the plate stacked with confectioneries. "So I call 'em clawssants. Except they're nothing like croissants, but hey, whatever, right? What do you think?"

"They'we gweat!" Rainbow Dash said, spraying crumbs. She quickly swallowed most of her mouthful. "I mean, they're great. Really tasty."

"Sweet... and salty... with a dash of lemon?" Trixie said, nibbling her clawssant carefully. "And nutmeg too? You really went all out on the seasoning this time."

"Yeah, the spice rack broke and... I mean, yeah! That's just how this griffon rolls, right?" Gilda said quickly. "It's an explosion of flavor with every bite!"

"Speaking of explosions, you-- waugh!" Pinkie began, only to be cut off by a flying elbow followed by an elaborate submission hold.

"Whoop! There we go!" Gilda exclaimed. "Don't worry, just sudden wrasslin'. She likes it, says it keeps her on her toes. Claws. Hooftips. Whatever."

"I am so proud of you," Pinkie whispered happily.

Twilight and Starlight walked into the room at that moment, just in time to see Pinkie attempt a reversal followed by a flawless sleeper hold. "Um. Are we interrupting something?" Starlight asked. "This isn't a friendship lesson, is it?"

"It's not something I'd do, but I've found that you can learn friendship from the least likely things," Twilight said. "This isn't a problem is, it? Do you need an intervention? Or, um, some privacy?"

Gilda released her grip and scooted away like the Pie Clan scion was a hot plate from the oven. "No-no, just messing around!" Pinkie simply bounced back into her seat like nothing had ever happened.

"Let's just game, okay?" Trixie said. "It feels like we've been neglecting this adventure for ages."

"We are gonna meet up with the others eventually, right?" Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, a smaller party means more spotlight for me, but..."

"I won't spoil anything, but yes, eventually," Twilight said with a wink and a smile. "Now, let's recap. When last we left off, you were attacked by pirates, who demanded your surrender. Instead, you decided to ram them. Except your ship is small and flimsy."

"Wait, how big is the pirate ship? Compared to ours?" Starlight asked.

"Comparatively? Like Tirek at his most powerful, going up against a breezie," Twilight said matter-of-factly.

"Ah," Starlight said. "Those are not good odds, then."

~~~~~~

Meanwhile, in another realm...

The beast fell to the ground with a mighty crash, its broken wings twitching weakly. It raised its head and stared at its opponent in abject fear. "This... this cannot be! I cannot lose! I am a dragon! You are just a breezie!"

Seabreeze just spat and adjusted the grip on his full-sized claymore. "You've got that wrong. I am a breezie. You are just a dragon."

~~~~~~

"No problem!" Gilda said. "We'll just stick Starlight on the front--"

"Me?!?" Starlight said in protest. "What's that supposed to accomplish?"

Gilda faceclawed. "No, not you. The other one... uh..."

"Bright Light," Trixie said. "Seriously, it hasn't been that long since we played last."

"Sorry, I've had a lot to think about..." Gilda said. "Eh, forget about it, I'll just find a weak spot and shoot it open myself."

"There's what looks like a docking bay, sealed with a force field," Twilight said.

"Perfect!" Gilda said. "Ramming speed! I unleash a burst of awesomic fire too."

"You and your fire have no effect on the force field," Twilight declared. "In fact, you pass right through as though it's not there. You're now careening down a metal-lined corridor and bouncing off the walls like a pinball. You may scream in terror."

"Aiieee!" Trixe, Pinkie and Starlight obliged.

"Good, extra experience points for you three," Twilight said.

"Also, 'ding ding ding, multiball'. So was that, like, a force field that keeps space out?" Pinkie asked.

"What?" Twilight asked in surprise. "No, space isn't a thing, it was made to keep the air in and..." She stopped. "You know what? Never mind. Yes, it keeps space out. Why not?" She took a deep breath. "Anyway, you eventually come to rest against a wall in what looks like a landing bay or engineering bay or something. Wings, you take ten bonk and is knocked out..."

"Uh, why?" Rainbow asked. "I was strapped in and sitting in the back seat."

"...Oh." Twilight blushed with embarrassment. "Sorry, it's just, well, you get knocked out a lot and I forgot you weren't driving this time."

"Hey, that doesn't happen that often!" Rainbow turnd to Trixie. "...Does it?"

"Yeah, it does. One day you're going to wake up in a coma," Trixie said.

"Doesn't a coma mean she won't..." Starlight facehoofed. "Never mind, I don't care. I climb out of the ship and survey the damage. How bad is it?"

"It looks pretty bad. The saucer section is badly dented and cracked in places, with sparking wires hanging out and magical smoke wafting from the exhaust pipes," Twilight said.

"Just to be clear, I'm looking for damage from the crash, not anything we started with thanks to Wings' attempts at engineering," Starlight said.

"Heeey," Rainbow protested.

"Oh, right." Twilight rolled some dice. "The fuzzy dice fell off."

"Just be honest with us here, Sparkle," Trixie said solemnly. "The sexy Luna and awesome Starswirl paintjob - is it still okay?"

Twilight shook her head. "Scratched up completely."

The magician raised her hooves in despair. "NOOOOOOOOoh well, guess I'll just have to redo it. What should we go for this time? Celestia rocking out on a V-guitar? Tirek getting horribly and humorously abused in some way? Lots and lots of changelings?"

"Uh, maybe you should hold that thought for a bit," Twilight said. "Because you're surrounded by space pirates."

"Oooh, space pirates!" Pinkie squealed. "They're my favorite spacey thing that's also piratey! Do they have laser-cutlasses and cybernetic peglegs and holo-eyepatches and cloned parrots?"

"What do you think, Pinkie?" Twilight said as she placed several little figurines on the table. "Of course they do."

Gilda snatched up one of the 'pirates' by its head and looked at it. "We're being attacked by LEGO pirates?" She wiggled the little horse's legs a little.

"I picked them up back when Spike and I furnished BBBFF's room," Twilight said. She tried to take the figurine back, but only managed to detach the body. "Come on, put it back."

Gilda narrowed her eyes at the tiny yellow head between her claws. "Hmm..."


"I sock 'em across the jaw and take another head for my trophy bag," Gilda exclaimed triumphantly. "Hahaha!"

Twilight rolled her eyes as she carefully plucked off another head and rolled it over to Gilda's stack. "He makes an annoyed grunt as his head flies off. The rest of your 'trophies' voice their disapproval as well. One of them shouts something unrepeatable about your mother."

"My mom threw me out of the nest and halfway across the galaxy before I was even hatched," Gilda said with a shrug. "Claws-off parenting, you know? Okay, so any more targets?"

Starlight sighed. "Is all this fighting necessary? I guess it's nice that they can't die from decapitation, but--"

Starlight was probably going to say more, but Pinkie chose that moment to yank her aside. "Just let her have this," she whispered.

"Huh?" Starlight said.

Pinkie glanced at the others, noting that they were paying more attention to Gilda than them. "Look... Gilda's had a rough time recently, okay? I don't know what it is and she's not telling - maybe she's told Dashie, I don't know, she's not telling either, and I won't prod 'cuz Gilda's really prickly and I'm just glad she wants to be our friend. So... just let her have her fun for now, okay?"

Starlight was struck speechless for a moment. Pinkie could be very thoughtless, and it was easy to dismiss her as a simpleton or a crazy oddball, and yet sometimes... "Okay. I suppose... I suppose that's what friends do."

"That's exactly right," Pinkie said with a smile. "And maybe once she's had her fun and we've taken out their captain, you can try to talk them into giving up their piratey ways and forming an egalitarian space society where everyone gets along."

Starlight blinked in surprise, and giggled. "You really mean that, don't you? I'll get right on preparing my speech."


Session 16.9 Mooncalf99

"You know, G..." Rainbow Dash said. "You've really taken to this baking gig."

"Hmm," Gilda mused, not taking her eys off the thin ginger snap in her claws. She carefully spread some cream cheese on it and topped it with another ginger snap, before taking a careful bite. She looked thoughtful. "You think?"

"Well, yeah," Rainbow said. "I know Pinkie kinda dragged you into it, but you look... kinda happy. It's just that, back in flight camp? You always said you'd become a knight, or a soldier, or a hero, or an awesome stunt flier, or something like that."

"And you said you'd become a Wonderbolt," Gilda mused. "Nothing else. Only the Wonderbolts would do."

"Yeah... well... if I'd told you back then you'd become a baker, you'd have punched me," Rainbow said.

"Huh." Gilda put down her newest experiment. "Dash, did I ever tell you the story about the griffon warrior hens?"

"Never heard of them," Rainbow said.

"Well, Gramps told me of these griffons who had to fight when they had no home and no safe place, so they had to fly into battle with their own newborn chicks on their backs," Gilda explained. "I know, it's boneheaded to have a clutch when there's fighting going on, but sometimes these things happen, you know? Anyway, because they had them along, they could never turn their backs on the enemy, so they had to fight head-on until nothing was left, see? Fierce."

"That's awesome, Gilda," Rainbow agreed. "That's totally you."

Gilda drew herself up. "Whaat?! I'm not planning to start a nest until I'm good and ready! Sheesh, how stupid are you?" She took a deep breath. "Anyway, the point is... remember that time Ponyville got attacked by, uh, nightmare monsters from the moon?" She shook her head. "Seriously, I thought they were joking when I first heard about it, but apparently it happened."

"Yeah, I was on the moon at the time," Rainbow said with a grimace. She had missed out on a primo brawl that night. "Actually, I kinda figured you had been there. Seemed like half of Equestria came when the Princesses called. Hay, even Trixie showed!"

"Guess the invitation got lost in the mail," Gilda chuckled ruefully. She had definitely missed out on a primo brawl that night. "Anyway, thing is... the Cakes. You know 'em? Short creampuff and long beanpole with two kids? Hired me as a part-timer?"

"Everypony in Ponyville knows the Cakes," Rainbow said. "Get to the point!"

"Point is, they fought," Gilda explained. "I talked to Pinkie, to Trixie, to that weirdo with the tie and the flashlight. They jumped right into the fray and beat up those nightmare creeps with pies and cookie sheets, and they had their kids slung on their backs the whole time. Like there was no safer place than with mommy and daddy, even in the heat of battle."

"I... didn't know that," Rainbow admitted. "So..."

"So if two bakers could match deeds with legendary griffons... well, then being a baker has to be good enough for me," Gilda concluded.

Rainbow Dash contemplated the story. Then she nodded. "And then there's Pinkie Pie."

"Yeah..." Gilda said. "There's Pinkie Pie."

Session 16.10 Alex Warlorn

Dash sighed. "I'll let you in on a tiny secret... most of what you heard was true... except for one part... the Nightmare Forces weren't some alien invaders... they came from Luna... she ended up having to confess everything she did as Nightmare Moon was her own doing in her dark magic addled brain and not because of an alien parasite that took her over. After that, she was able to reabsorb it after we forced it out of Rarity, and that's the REAL story of how Luna got her fancy star-mane."

"Wait! She absorbed dark magic? I thought that stuff was evil."

"She said something about it being as evil as anger, sadness and stuff were evil, but I didn't really get it."

"Heh... you ponies sure have trouble handling your anger when you actually feel it."

"HEY! Like you're one to talk G'."

"Just kidding!"

Session 16.11 Mtangalion

Usually, the only food eaten at the gaming table was Pinkie Pie's best sugary snacks and drinks, but today a rather different sort of taste test was in progress. Rarity sampled salad from a small bowl, chewing thoughtfully. "This is actually quite good."

Gilda looked slightly relieved. "Heh, Rarity likes it. I must be doing something right. Salad dressing?"

"Only if it's low fat, darling."

"Not bad at all," agreed Applejack. "Could use some more apple bits, though."

"Yeah?! I'll keep that in mind if I'm ever catering some kinda Apple thing." Gilda blinked. "I could actually be catering some kinda Apple thing someday..."

AJ grinned. "We usually have the food for those more than covered ourselves, sugarcube, but it's somethin' to think about."

Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof. "So, what's that board game you have there, Twi? And why aren't we playing it already?"

Twilight had barely touched her salad... she was studying the colorful game board intently and filling a scroll with notes at the same time. "Huh? Oh, it's called the Game of Life. I actually brought it over from the human world. It's fascinating, all the changes that the mirror portal made... the 'cars' are carriages now, the game spaces talk about special someponies..."

"Yeah, yeah," said Dash. "Research later, gaming now! You'll spoil all the surprises."

"Only after I'm sure there's no *nasty* surprises, Dash. You haven't forgotten 'Cards Against Equinity' already, have you?"

Rainbow Dash flopped back in her seat grumpily and reached for her salad bowl. Then she noticed that she'd eaten all of hers, and tried to sneak some from Gilda's bowl instead.

"Nuh uh," said Gilda quickly. "I sprinkled bacon bits on mine."

Rainbow recoiled, looking a little green.

There was a tapping at the window. Gilda turned her head. "What the... Hey, I remember that guy. What's he doing here?"

There was a large male griffon perched on the railing of Twilight's castle balcony. He was looking away, and stretching out talons and paws, as if he'd just happened to stop there for a rest.

Rarity ooohed. "Does Miss Gilda have a gentlestallion caller? Er, gentledrake? Gentlegriff? Sorry, what's the word..."

Gilda made a face. "I'm... not even sure that's a thing with us. And he's not! He's just some griff I sold a griffonscone in Griffonstone."

"Say that three times fast," muttered Twilight, still scribbling away.

"I don't even know his name!" protested Gilda. "He's not bad looking, though..."

Twilight glanced up. "Maybe you should take this mini-changeling detection lantern," she said, instantly summoning the item with her magic. "And this glamour-dispelling powder. I *think* it will disrupt Alisa's magical costume, but the powder takes a long time to make, so I can't just go sprinkling it all over Ponyville."

"Way to kill the mood, Sparkle." Gilda nibbled on her salad, then did a spit-take at the window. The mysterious male griffon now had one wing fully extended, and he was preening it slowly and sensually. "Okay, officially back in the mood now! Any griff with a wingspan like that is definitely worth a second look." She hesitated, then grabbed the items that Twilight had summoned and flew out a door, probably off to find another window so she could slip outside and "just happen" to meet up with him.

Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a calculating look. "So, you're not jealous, darling?"

Rainbow blinked. "Jealous of what?" She blinked. "Wait, you think? ... Gilda and... me?! Bwahahaha!" The pegasus toppled out of her chair, rolling and laughing on the floor.

Rarity turned to AJ instead. "What do you think, Applejack? Was that an *honest* reaction, hmm?"

"Stop right there, Rares," said AJ. "Ah don't tell the whole gang what gets *you* all twitterpated, now, do Ah?"

Rarity chuckled weakly and blushed, halfway sliding under the table.

Twilight shook her head. "All of this romance business is too complicated for me."

Rainbow got up off the floor. "Says the princess with a coltfriend in another dimension."

Twilight blushed harder than Rarity. "Well... oh, salad! Yummy!" She reached and grabbed a mouthful out of the wrong bowl... Gilda's. "Wow, this is really good. Where have I tasted something like this before..."

Session 16.12 Alex Warlorn

Gilda had indeed climbed out a window, and was now readying herself to 'just bump into' the good looking griffin. Okay, him following her around in retrospect was kinda creepy, but she should still get to know him given many griffs hadn't shown that kind of interest in Gilda before.

"My my-and what are you doing out here Gilda? Shouldn't we be 'gaming' by now?" Gilda heard behind her.

Gilda groaned. "I don't think that game Sparkle brought from another universe has enough players for you too Discordion."

"OH! Nice insult! I have to remember that one if I ever meet myself-" Discord jovial put his paw on Gilda's shoulder.

Gilda's eyes widened. Her entire body tensed.

"Let's get rid of those pesky upper brain functions."

Her body nearly reacted on its own. She screeched, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" In one savage motion, Gilda turned, and drawing on instinct, swung her claws behind her.

And Grizelda 'Gilda' The Griffin of Griffenstone... became the first creature in thousands of thousands years to physical harm Discord.

Discord felt confusion as his brain tried to process the sensation coming from his right cheek that Gilda's left claw had left. Three red lines now visible on the right side of his face.

The two stared silently at each other in shock.

Discord teleported away in the same instant that Gilda turn and ran.

"Hey Gilda, thought you'd be-" RD began.

"How do you girls all DO IT?!" Gilda looked at them. "HOW!? How do you ... FORGIVE HIM!? How do you even STAND him?! Discord! After he HURT YOU... after he HURT those you love?"

Gilda was shaking, it wasn't from anger.

Session 16.13 Mtangalion

Rarity and Applejack made their apologies and left... It was time for the Boutique to open and the farm needed tending, though Rarity gave Gilda a quick hug first.

What followed next was another scene that no one would have expected to see in thousands of years. Fluttershy stamped into the gaming room, dragging Discord behind her. Gilda squawked and tried to hide behind Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy hauled Discord right up to the gaming table, then tapped a hoof expectantly. "Well?"

Discord sucked in a deep breath. "I'm saaaaaaaaaa...." He cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm soooorrrrrrrrrrr..." His voice petered out into a weak cough. Then Discord looked at Gilda again and whispered something incredibly quietly and quickly.

"Discord!" said Fluttershy, a little cross and raising her voice slightly.

"I'm sorry!" blurted out Discord, folding his arms and looking the other way. "Are you happy now? I am truly and sincerely sorry for doing... that thing I did."

Gilda peeked out from behind Dash. "How do I know you're really sorry? Everything's just one big joke to you!"

Discord glided over, pointing out a "Hello, my name is Discord" tag stuck to his chest. "Well, I *am* the Lord of Chaos. That's kind of my job description." A laugh track stared playing. "How can I make it up to you?" He snapped his fingers. "I've got it! I'll grant you one wish."

"What, anything?" asked Gilda doubtfully.

Discord steepled his claws and pads. "Anything, dear Gilda. My very own extra special apology from me to you. Just say the word, and you'll be a member of the Wonderbolts, just like you always wanted." He blinked. "Oh wait, that's Rainbow, not you."

Rainbow Dash growled at him.

Twilight coughed. "Even though Discord is our friend now, I'm not sure I'd trust him."

Gilda gave Twilight a tired glare. "Gee, ya think?!"

"I could make you a legendary griffon warrior," offered Discord.

"No," said Gilda curtly.

"Fabulous riches?"

"Nope."

"Greatest chef in Equestria?"

"Buck that," said Gilda crossly. "I'll become the greatest chef in Equestria with my skills, not yours."

"Unlimited powers of transformation?"

"Like I can't think of eleven different ways you could twist that." Gilda grimaced, tugging at her crest. "Ugh, just give me a cupcake."

Discord blinked. "Say what?"

Twilight trotted over to Gilda and started whispering urgently. Gilda lifted one foot and cupped her talons to hear better, then whispered to Twilight. They went back and forth several times, and then Gilda cleared her throat. "Listen close, Dissy. I want a super delicious and healthy cupcake that I can eat right now and enjoy, with no regrets of any kind."

"Oh fine, take all the fun out of it," muttered Discord, snapping his fingers. The requested cupcake appeared on a floating silver tray. "You'd better not complain about not being a legendary warrior when the Ursas invade next week."

Gilda took the cupcake in her talons and sampled it cautiously. Her wings snapped open. "Great Grover's Googly-Eyed Grampa!" she exclaimed, gobbling up the rest of the cupcake and talking with her mouth full. "I've... mmmph... never tasted anything like this!" She licked the paper cup, getting every last crumb. "I could spend a lifetime learning to bake something this good!"

And then Gilda's face slowly lit up. "And that's just what I'm gonna do!" She gripped Discord's lion paw and shook it, grinning. "You've totally inspired me! Apology accepted!" She half-galloped, half-flew out the door, making straight for the castle kitchen.

Discord twitched. "What just happened?"

Session 16.14 BrutalityInc

“So, Ms Lulamoon…” Nurse Redheart began, “How did this happened again?”

Trixie Lulamoon was in a hospital bed, covered heavily in bandages from various cuts, bruises and other assorted wounds. Even so, she managed to speak, “Trixie recalls that it all started with a new O&O campaign at Sparkle’s place, and she rolled a new character in accordance to the setting.” She paused as she thought of something, “By the way, do you know anything about O&O?”

“I know enough to understand how it plays.” Nurse Redheart confirmed. Tabletop games had been all the craze ever since the Princess of Friendship and her friends started playing them by the truckload.

“Splendid! This means Trixie doesn’t have to explain everything from scratch.” Trixie noted happily, “Anyway, the campaign is set a highly magical world, so much that magic is permeated in everyday life and nearly all the character classes available are magically-oriented, with a few exceptions. While the others picked solely magic-based classes, I picked one who is a hybrid psionic and sorceress, neither best in both areas, but capable of flexibility. Needless to say, the others were confused or amused at my choice; Rainbow Dash actually had the nerve to scoff at me for choosing to be a medicore Jack-Of-All-Trades!”

“I suppose then you didn’t take it so well?” Redheart wondered if Trixie’s attempts at getting back on them caused her to ended up like this.

“Trixie doesn’t like to be laughed at, but she was willing to let it slide; after all, once she pulls her weight, Trixie would show them all how great and powerful she truly is!” Trixie gave a short, maniacal laugh, which ended quickly once her face started hurting again, “Of course, Trixie admits it did not go the way she intended.”

“I take it ended badly?” Redheart asked.

“It… actually ended pretty well, all things considered.” Trixie mused, “The villain of the setting was a mad wizard who had become so powerful he had become one with the plane of magic, and was returning to wreck havoc in the setting. We weren’t even supposed to fight him at the time, given he was level 40, but during one session, I found myself isolated from the rest of the group and having to face the guy alone. Given my character’s levels, it would had been certain death under any circumstances.”

“But you managed to survive…” Redheart guessed, though it was rather obvious.

“Not only that, dear nurse. Far more than that.” Trixie amended. “Trixie has earlier established with GM Spike that my character has full knowledge in both the Plane of Psionics and the Plane of Magic. I activated a scroll in my inventory to Stop Time. Since the scroll runs on Divine enchantment, not normal magical enchantment, the big bad couldn’t undo the Time Stop even with his nigh-omnipotent command of magic. Trixie was also told that she could sever magic-users’ link to magic by disrupting a specific point in the Plane of Magic, the ‘Manaleph’, where the largest number of connection are located. In the few turns I have, I cast plane-shift, drifted over to the Manaleph, and casted ‘Gate’.”

“A gate to what?” Redheart inquired.

“A gate to another plane… in this case, the Plane of Antimagic.” Trixie explained. “Trixie had hoped that a rush of antimagic into the Plane of Magic, at the point of connection between magic users and the plane of magic, would weaken and stun the big bad wizard long enough for Trixie and the others to escape. Of course, that was when Trixie’s inglorious streak as ‘World-Wrecker’ reared its head. Trixie fumbled her roll in such a way that, while Trixie did managed to cast the planar gate, I lost control of it. It didn’t just open – it started expanding, at an exponential rate. And to make matters worse, Trixie had forgotten that planar gates in this setting is permanent unless the spell-user themselves dispel it, and… well, Trixie did not entertain the thought of being stuck in the Plane of Magic with the Big Bad, or the Antimagic energies rushing into the Plane, once the Time Stop ends, and so casted plane-shift to get out.”

“Needless to say, all Tartarus broke lose?” Redheart noted. Trixie nodded.

“The deluge of Antimagic the into the Plane did more than disrupted the Big Bad’s powers. After a few turns, the gate’s exponential expansion reached infinity, which according to the GM, caused the infinite Planes of Magic and Antimagic to fuse together and resulted in mutual annihilation.” Trixie elaborated. “With the Plane of Magic gone, so too the power it permeated the world with. Every powerful arcane artifact in the world instantly became useless junk. Every spell and enchantment instantly became little more than fancy words. Every magic user in the group, including me, and the Big Bad, all instantly lost their magic. On the plus side, the level 40 Big Bad became no more than a level 40 commoner. Being expedient, Trixie decided to not let the opportunity pass and have her character beat him to death with a marble bust she found nearby.”

“Well, that’s… incredible.” Redheart managed, at a loss of words. “I take it your friends weren’t please with your derailment?”

“The GM alone spent half an hour elaborating in vivid detail what I had wrought as a result – formerly magical kingdoms collapsing into war and chaos, the divine and demonic realms losing the medium to interact with mortals, angry mobs of former mages and sorcerers chasing our group around.” Trixie answered, slipping into first person again out of embarrassment. “On the other hoof, Psionic users became ascendant in the wake of Magic’s eclipse, and since Trixie’s character can use psionic power, she immediately became the group’s preeminent member, with the other members struggling to keep up without magic.”

“You can just reset the game…” Redheart suggested, then added, “And that doesn’t explain how you ended up getting hospitalized.”

“Resetting the game was what Twilight suggested. In fact, she outright ordered it to be done. The GM was mad, but nopony at the table was at infuriated as the Princess of Magic and Friendship herself.” Trixie noted, “The problem was, even after resetting to an earlier point in the campaign, and changing the rules to prevent a second Plane of Magic destruction, I did it again, three times in a row, somehow by complete accident. On the last occasion, I managed to destroy both the Plane of Magic AND Psionics. That was when Twilight went berserk.”

There was a rumble, and the hospital shook momentarily. Outside the ward room, Trixie and Nurse Redheart could hear the sound of a scuffle, collapsing masonry, and the Royal Canterlot Voice being used, filled with incoherent rage.

“I guess that also explained why they brought in Princess Twilight in a straitjacket and sent her straight to the psychiatric ward.” Nurse Redheart said, shaking her head, “I never seen anypony so angry over a board-game session before.”

“She’ll probably calm down… in a week.” Trixie said, shrugging despite the tight bandages on her body. “Trixie hopes the others bought insurance; Trixie doesn’t think she could pay for all their hospital bills…”

Session 16.15 Alex Warlorn

"Sounds like things worked out between Discord and Gilda," Said Mina, sitting in the place of her grandfather, picking up the relative tiny tiles.

"Well, she did have go to therapy. Like a lot of ponies did after Discord, there just weren't any professional psychologists to help her back in Griffinstone to help her before hoof." Princess Twilight said.

"Do we have to focus so much on the tough times?" Princess Trixie asked.

Princess Twilight smiled. "Trixie, I think you'd know better than any that the tough times are what help us appreciate the fun times. It's life."

"Princess Trixie is here to have a fun time, not think about the tough times."

"Heh, Trixie, we've been friends for over a thousand years, Celestia was right, you do look back at ALL those times fondly. It's not like it was suffering for suffering's sake. Helping Starlight through her problems, they made us stronger friends, and helping Starlight MADE ME HAPPY, because I know it made her happy."

"So uh... how do we collect and discard pieces again?" Princess Applejack asked. They'd been trying to get her to play for over a hundred years. "And this worth anythin'?"

She showed off her tiles... 13 of them... each one a different and unique one...

"Uh... yes... it is..." Princess Trixie said awkwardly.

Session 16.16 Mtangalion

"Hey," said a familiar, scratchy voice. "Sorry we're late." Gilda padded in, looming over Princess Rainbow beside her. Her tailtuft was a cool blue flame that left trails in the air wherever she swished it, and stars twinkled in her wings and crest. She wore a chef's hat and apron like others might wear a royal robe and crown. "So there I was, in the place with all the flying TV screens, only most folks didn't know what a TV was back then."

Princess Rainbow chuckled. "Don't you ever get tired of telling this story?"

"Do you ever get tired of bragging about your first rainboom? So Astra and Boreas wake up and Astra's all, 'Nogriffon even remembers us! I told you we should have incarnated and lived with the mortals.' And Boreas, he's mad about his idol falling in a big hole. Whoops."

Gilda coughed. "So then Boreas says, 'What great deeds have you accomplished, what mighty foes have you vanquished to be worthy of joining us?' And I told him..."

"I once made Lord Tirek repent of all his evil ways with a cherry tart," said Rainbow, imitating Gilda's voice. She snickered. "Too bad it didn't last."

"Hey!" squawked Gilda. "Who's telling this story? Anyway..." She waved her talons dramatically. "I knew that no mere cupcake or apple fritter was going to be enough to wow Boreas and win me that ascension. I'd have to pull out all the stops! I baked him my strawberry-topped cheesecake."

Princess Twilight smirked. "Is that what you were doing? You were gone so long, I thought we really had turned Old Gilda into a smudge on the floor."

Gilda wing-shrugged. "What can I say? Good things need time in the oven."

Session 16.17 Kendell2


The group sat around the table, preparing to start another game.

"So, what's the game this time, Spike?" asked Twilight, the group gathered around the table.

Spike seemed to have taken to reading a Power Ponies comic. "Well, I was thinking maybe we should try something different..." he said, putting the book down. "Remember those Enchanted Comics things?"

Twilight's eyes went wide. "No, no, no!"

"Oh come on, Twilight! I actually got the 'quit password' this time!" Spike explained, showing the back of the comic. Where it turned out said quit password was written in big bold red letters. "All we have to do to end it is say 'This adventure is fun, but I want to be done' and the thing is over. I even picked a comic with eight players! Besides, the guy at the store said that the villains are PROGRAMMED to not seriously hurt any of us. Kinda why Maneiac kept monologue so much."

Rainbow Dash looked at it. It was one of those comics where the Power Ponies teamed up with the Batmare to face a reunited League of Villainy lead by Maneiac. "...Well, I DID kinda like being a superhero..."

"I've never tried this before..." Starlight said. "But if you girls are okay with it. I kind of like Batmare...well now, I used to think it was unfair she had to play catch up with the other heroes..."

"Ah'm game," Applejack said. "Ah admit...weren't the worst time Ah ever had."

Rarity was neutral and Pinkie Pie was game for anything, Fluttershy was just okay with it.

"Alright, let's do it I guess..." Twilight said. "But if this backfires..."

"Don't worry, it'll be fine," Spike reassured and set the comic down. "You can return to the place you started when the villains are defeated. Take a closer look to join the adventure in this book..."

The book released a tornado of magic and promptly sucked the group into it, Pinkie Pie giving a 'WEEEEEEE!' while Starlight screamed.

---

Rainbow Dash stretched her wings, back in her Zapp costume. "Oh yeah, back to having supercharged pegasus powers!"

Starlight looked herself over, now in the iconic cape and cowl of Batmare. "So...this is absolutely safe?"

Spike nodded, as Hum Drum again. "Yeah, these are basically just glorified roleplaying games. Besides, we're the heroes in a comic book that's NOT titled 'Death of' or 'Final Something or other.' Guy at the comic store said if we are going to get hurt or die the comic will have us 'miraculously survive' or if you're 'supposed' to die, eject you when it was supposed to happen. Comic book logic."

"Alright..." said Twilight, as Masked Matter-Horn. She took a deep breath. "Let's have some fun I guess...And this time WITHOUT fearing for our lives."

"Yes, this will be far more enjoyable without the potential death," said Rarity, floating on a magically generated and fancy flying carpet. "I forgot how much I loved this magic!"

Session 16.18 Alex Warlorn

"Dear Cousin in law." Said Prince Blueblood to Prince Shining Armor. The two of them standing in the castle of the Crystal Empire. "Now that we've had a chance to bond. I say you'll agree that I should sit in on one of your games with the ogres and the dungeons."

"Yeeeeah, well I'm gonna say I don't agree." Shining Armor hadn't shaken that Blueblood was the type of pony who wasn't good at not getting their way.

"Oh, I think you'll remember I'm very good at getting ponies to agree while thinking it was their own idea."

"Yeah. Twiley told me how you got Rarity to 'agree' that you were a great date at the Grand Galloping Gala."

"..." Prince Blueblood cringed. "I.. think you'll find my track record is better when I'm speaking with those I consider my equal."

"Oh yeah?" SA spat. "Make me!"

As Pinkie Pie would say, one screen spin effect later.

"I'll be happy to have you play with us Blueblood, and I just want to say your coat looks great today." Shining Armor said.

"Thank you."

"HEY! Wait a minute! How'd you'd that?"

"I'm a very good diplomat."

Shining Armor asked. "Did your ancestors make a pact with some ancient dark entity or something!?"

Princess Luna appeared in a swirl of darkness. "Well, 'pact' is not the term used these days our sister inform us. And it's not polite to refer to a lady as 'ancient.'"

"Thank you for the carriage Princess Luna."

"At least you USE yours, Celly never does. Nor do you Shining Armor."

Shining Armor groaned. "Look, I just like using my own legs instead of being carried around."

"Yes dear, keep saying how being carried around by ponies is a sign of being spoiled." Princess Cadence said right behind her husband.

Shining Armor turned to find his wife on a couch, having entered the beached whale stage of pregnancy, and being carried by four royal guards. The magic that was lifting the whip cream and daisies Cadence was eating was glowing from her belly.

Behind Cadence, a crystal filly happily threw around flower pedals as four beautiful crystal mares carried around Spike on a roamare style couch with Crystal Ponies behind him on their rear leg knees raising and lowering their front legs while chant a hymn in his honor.

"This even AFTER the mess up with the Cloudsdale anthem?" SA asked.

"Many crystal ponies weren't present to see that," Cadence said. "They only heard of the Great Spike saving everypony AGAIN when their prince and Princess could do nothing. Speaking of which-" Cadence brought out a paper and quill and began writing next to a stack of envelopes.

"What is THAT?" Shining asked.

"Just apology letters to every unicorn who attended the Equestrian Games."

"What?!"

"Since we only put in security measures against unicorns cheating, sealing away their magic while inside, and not doing the same to pegasi, or earth ponies, or changelings, or dragons, there were some very angry letters sent to the Equestrian Games committee, and some pointing out that several ponies almost died from the 'precautions' to prevent cheating. So... as the ruler of the Crystal Empire, I'm having to write apology letters to every unicorn who attended."

"Oh."

"So you throw the dice at the ogre?" Blueblood asked.

Shining Armor felt the headache coming on.


Session 16.19 Mtangalion

Shining asked. "Sis, could you hurry up with that Alicornification spell? Cadence is talking about turning me into a dragon!"

The pregnant Cadence smiled. "But dragons are so popular in the Empire now, and so long lived, and you and Spike are brothers already and you could be even closer this way..."

Session 16.20 Ardashir with edits

Chrysalis, was visiting on another of her 'state visits' (read, games of O&O) and looking closely at Cadence's bulging belly.

Chrysalis grinned. "Heh, just wait until she's born and you never get a night's sleep for the next three years. That's why I always hoof mine off to Changeling nursemaids. They turn out better that way. Look at this picture of one of my sons." Chrysalis showed the royal couple a picture of a horribly obese and near-feral Changeling nymph with his fangs sunk into the flank of a screaming nursemaid as she ran around the room.

Cadence shuddered. "Must we?"

Chrysalis nodded. "Of course!" The changeling queen leaned in close speaking to Cadence's foal. "You might as well see who's going to be taking your little crystal kingdom away from you in a few years --"

Cadence's side bulges as the foal within kicks, using magic to send Chrysalis flying into the wall.

Cadence gasped. "WOW! Just feel that kick! She's going to be -- OOF! -- pretty strong, darling."

Shining Armor nuzzled her and said smugly, "No surprise, look who her parents are."

Chrysalis grumbled as she peeled herself off the wall. "She's not even born yet and I already hate her!"

Session 16.21 Alex Warlorn

Getting mining rights for the various Diamond Dog packs in Yakyakistan had been nothing sort of a nightmare for the Diamond Dog lawyers. The Yaks' short temper was nothing compared to their love of getting physical. Something that diamond dog lawyers were of the wrong 'caste' to be effective at.

"How Blue Blooded Pony get Yaks to sign treaty in two days! We stuck here for week and still no signature!" Rambled one Diamond Dog.

"Can I help at all Uncle?" Asked a little scrappy little great dane Diamond Dog.

The Diamond Dog lawyer loathed his nephew, most for the fact he existed and insisted in being the middle of everything... though... if some 'accident' happened to the Yaks, his sister couldn't hold him responsible now could he?

"Why yes you can! The Yaks wish to challenge one of us to a no holds barge game of Yak Chess match of pain! Perhaps you could enter in your poor uncle's place?"

"YES UNCLE! OH THANK YOU!"

Heh, they'd been holding back the runt from getting into fights ever since he'd been dumped on em.

Five minutes later, the pup came back. "Uncle! I have won!"

"..... ..... .... WHAT?!?!?"

"Oh Uncle first I tied them up with their own limbs. Then honorably accept their surrender when they began screaming for mercy as per the rules."

The elder Diamond Dog fainted.

Session 16.22 Mtangalion


"Where is it!?" growled Cadence, like a mare possessed. "I want a triple banana split with mayonnaise, cream cheese, and extra chili powder!"

Gilda flew down the hallways of Twilight's crystal castle, reckless, but safer than carrying a tray and running with three legs. "Got it... hold your horses... hehe..."

Shining Armor grabbed the tray from the panting griffon and floated it into Cadence's room. "Thanks! You're a lifesaver."

"So, about this cooking contest," asked Gilda, while trying to catch her breath.

Shining got a guilty look. "Oh. Yeah, that... Technically, you've probably already won."

Gilda blinked, clearly skeptical. "Um... You do know, I'm not that great a chef yet. Not that anygriff would know the difference if I screwed up..." She made a face, feathers ruffling up. "Apple brownies with ketchup..."

Shining Armor coughed awkwardly. "Well, Gustave le Grand shouted that this whole thing was a crime against the culinary arts, before he threw his apron in my face and left."

"He's not wrong," grumbled Gilda. "Ugh, I wanted to ask him for some tips!"

Shining continued, "Donut Joe was overwhelmed by the fumes in the kitchen, and he's in Ponyville General now. All our royal chefs from the Empire went to a salt-lick bar and won't come out, and Pinkie Pie forgot and tasted one of the dishes she was making."

From around a corner, there came the sound of a pony being spectacularly sick. "I'm okay!" said Pinkie's bubbly cheerful voice. "Just gimme a min- bleeergh!"

"I want a tuna, grape jelly, and cinnamon sandwich!" bellowed Cadence.

"Cooking contest my flank... I see how it is!" Gilda smirked. "Well, if I'm the winner by default, then I guess I'm done here! Seeya!"

"Wait, no!" cried Shining, grasping her forelegs and begging. "Stay, at least until I get my chefs back! You'll have the eternal gratitude of the Crystal Empire!"

"It's pretty sweet," said Spike, turning over so a cute Crystal pony maid could massage his back scales.

Session 16.21 Kendell2


"You're kidding, right?" Adagio questioned, the siren-turned human standing in front of the human Twilight and Sunset Shimmer. "You want us to help take care of Miss Brainac here's sister-in-laws' freaky demands."

"And to maybe answer some questions from me?" Human Twilight asked.

"I'd be okay with it..." said Sonata in her normal ditzy way.

"They broke our gem, Sonata," Aria added, bitterly.

Sunset sighed. Twilight needed help, and the others were either busy or not game. Cadence seemed to have gotten a little out of hand. "Look, I don't like you and I KNOW you three don't like me."

"You've got that right," Aria replied.

"...What do you want?" Sunset asked, seriously.

Adagio opened her mouth.

"EXCEPT help getting your gems back," Sunset replied. "Or anything ELSE evil."

Adagio's mouth shut.

"...Tacos?" Sonata asked, getting Adagio to glare. "What? I like tacos!"

Aria looked to the side, then stepped forwards. "...Time back in Equestria's oceans. For at least twelve hours. Can you arrange that, Bacon Hair?"

Adagio snarled. "You don't get to make the choices, Aria!" Adagio screamed.

Aria, for once, stood up and looked the elder siren in the eyes. "And look how well that's turned out for us!"

Adagio actually backed up as Aria poked her in the chest.

"YOU chose to attack Equestria and get us banished! YOU said Celestia would be no problem and STARSWIRL, who was WEAKER than her, beat us! YOU chose to attack Canterlot High and got our gems destroyed! YOU called the shots for the last several thousand years and all it's gotten us is worse and worse off!"

Adagio was actually backed up against a wall...she couldn't help being scared at how angry Aria looked.

Sonata for once STOPPED looking ditzy and out of it.

"You're our big sister, you're supposed to take care of us, ya know! But no, all you've done is make our lives TARTARUS! So why should I ever listen to a thing you say?!"

Adagio...looked strangely thoughtful. "...Aria..."

Aria turned, crossing her arms. "Let's face it...we lost. They won...we've got nothing left...I just want to go home...at least for a few hours...WITHOUT us getting thrown right back over here the moment we get spotted...Don't you miss the ocean too?"

The oldest Siren's face was unreadable. "...Fine...Just this once."

Aria nodded, then looked to Sunset Shimmer, who's jaw had dropped in shock. "So, is it a deal?"

Sunset shook off her shock. "I'll...see what I can do. But no funny business."

"We swear to King Leo..." Aria said, then looked to the other two. "Right?"

"...I swear..." Adagio said simply. "Besides, how hard can it be to give a woman some food?"

"So do I!" Sonata said, somehow seeming bubblier than normal. "I can't wait to have gills again!"

---

"Where is it!?" growled Cadence, no less manic than her pony equal. "I want a triple banana split with mayonnaise, cream cheese, and extra chili powder!"

Adagio growled, covered in whip cream and other strange ingredients. The only benefit of this was the negativity of Cadence was a decent meal, though to Adagio's annoyance the destruction of their gems prevented them from actually gaining extra strength from it. It was like sucking food through a straw. "Aria! It's your turn!"

"So...you're sisters?" Sunset asked, playing Monopoly with Sonata, Twilight, and Shining Armor.

"Yeah, we used to have two more, but they didn't make it," said Sonata, getting sad for like two seconds. "We had a mother and aunt too."

"...So, you're a magical fish-horse monster from another dimension?" Shining Armor questioned, not nearly as surprised as one would normally expect after finding out his sister turned into a power-mad magical creature and nearly destroyed the world.

"The technical term is Hippocampus, Shining," Twilight pointed out.

"We're actually magically mutated sea ponies..." Sonata explained. "Oh! I got another set!" she said, buying another area and getting a full set of areas.

"...Why are you so good at this?" Sunset questioned.

"I don't know!" Sonata said simply, with a goofy grin.

Aria trotted past Adagio with Cadence's order. Adagio was annoyed that her sister was still smiling.

"What are YOU smiling about?" Adagio asking.

"Because to me? It's worth it," Aria said with a content smirk.


Session 16.22 Ardashir with edits


"Ugh! Little one, why can't you just teleport out or something?" Cadence kicked on her bed, feeling the foal move within her. She fell silent as her belly rumbled. "Shining! I'M STILL HUNGRY! MORE FOOD!"

"Woah!" Spike snatched up the deck of cards sitting between him and Cadence. Right now he was the only being in the entire Crystal Empire brave enough to play games with the increasingly ill-tempered Cadence. "Geeze, be careful, Princess. You almost knocked the cards over."

"I don't care!" Cadence snapped. She licked her lips. "I'm getting so hungry... such cravings. Even for..."

Cadence looked at Spike and her eyes widened at a mental image of Spike on a crystal tray, surrounded by onions and with an apple in his mouth.

"Ohhh, Spiiiike..." Cadence smiled toothily at him. She lightly tapped her hoof against the platter at her side. "Could you get on this, please?"

"Huh?" Spike shrugged. "Sure, okay." He hopped up on it. "Now what -- YOW!"

A few moments later the Crystal Ponies blinked to see their national hero Spike racign down the hallway, shrieking, "AHHHH! CADENCE WANTS TO EAT ME! THE FANFICCERS ARE RIGHT!"

Shining Armor awoke with a start. He turned to see his wife, still heavy with their first foal due any time now, but for now sleeping peacefully.

"Whatever comes after once they're out of Cadence, can't be worse than this," Shining Armor said. Derpy visiting the crystal empire, made a nearby thundercloud crackle ominously.

Author's Note:

This is a group-story/addventure/chain-story/round robin, fanfic 'story' of the Mane Six Plus Spike playing Dungeons and Dragons/Oubliettes and Ogres, with occasional guest players (like Trixie or Gilda), with Spike and Twilight rotating as Dungeon Master. It's intended to be an IN-CHARACTER comedy.

Each post should be more self contained, if say (in game) Twilight is fire balled by a Mimic in one post in a desert pyramid, the next post can have them sailing a ship encountering seaponies siren expies, each one containing a short joke, or an extension of a previous scene if that's what the poster wants. Time skips, flash backs, the ponies rotating different characters and campaigns, are all allowed (and ENCOURAGED) as long as the ponies stay in character (such as Pinkie Pie NOT fireballing a cabbage sales stallion and saying she thought he was a demon, thank you very much).

Pinkie Pie, "And pretty please do not take anything personally! It's just a game!"

Rainbow Dash, "What did you say!?

What's you post in the comments, it's then copy and pasted into the fic above, have fun.
IMPORTANT: WHEN MAKING A SUBMISSION POST IT AS A NEW COMMENT!

HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PONY POV SERIES THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Session 16.0 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.1 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.2 Mtangalion
Session 16.3 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.4 BrutalityInc
Session 16.5 Mtangalion
Session 16.6 Ardashir
Session 16.7 Kendell2
Session 16.8 Mooncalf99
Session 16.9 Mooncalf99
Session 16.10 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.11 Mtangalion
Session 16.12 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.13 Mtangalion
Session 16.14 BrutalityInc
Session 16.15 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.16 Mtangalion
Session 16.17 Kendell2
Session 16.18 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.19 Mtangalion
Session 16.20 Ardashir with edits
Session 16.21 Alex Warlorn
Session 16.22 Mtangalion
Session 16.21 Kendell2
Session 16.22 Ardashir with edits



Cover art by astarothathros

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