//------------------------------// // Session 99 // Story: Ponies and Dragons (Just Have Fun) // by Alex Warlorn //------------------------------// Session 99.0 Mtangalion (edited by me) REAL_Princess in the boss fight briefly froze. Twilight in the game room exclaimed, "How did *griffons* take the human tech we adapted and become the computer experts of Equestria? I did NOT see this coming." "I'd say racist, but that's a fair deal," said her griffin student. Starlight said slyly, "Gee, you don't suppose it's because no pony has a *cutie mark* for computers? Except for a few colts and fillies that won't be in the job market for another five years. I mean, who ever predicted that cutie marks could be holding us back?" Twilight said flatly, "Har, har..." Session 99.1 Ardashir "Destroy!" Dark Ember pointed her still-massive claw at the heroes. "Kill them all! But the Healers first!" Screeching in rage, the shadow dragons, made of nothing but darkness save for their sickly green eyes and open mouths, flew at the raid, claws outstretched. "Yow!" 'Pretty_Princess' dodged aside from a pair of the diving horrors. "Hey, you swordswingers, a little help here?" Even as she spoke she cast one of her heals on Dark Ember. The green bar grew a little bigger, and Ember definitely shrank. Smolder knew it was a game, but she still gulped as Dark Ember pointed and snarled, "Start with that one!" One of the shadow dragons raised a claw over her as she stood defenseless, only to vanish as OrchardBlossom and Honest Apple cut it down. "Thanks, guys!" "Don't mention it," Honest Apple fell back before a spray of ebony flame from the mouth of another attacker. "Just you an' the rest of the healers fix Ember so we can end this quest." "Yeah, cause it feels like we've been here for months!" D@r1ng-d0 said as she flew through another shadow dragon, her wing blades sending it plummeting in defeat. For several minutes the battle raged on. Healers and other spellcasters used the magic they had to keep hitting Dark Ember with healing. The green bar grew from a sliver, becoming bigger and bigger, and as it did between the desperate fighting of the warriors and Dark Ember's diminishing corruption the shadow dragons born of her dark enchantment fell until all were gone. "I... won't... quit!" Dark Ember was down to barely any health at all. She dropped to one knee, obviously weakened. The raid gathered around her, weapons and spells ready. The dream realm around them all seemed to shudder, like it was on the verge of collapse. When she spoke her voice was ragged and exhausted. "I'd rather... die... then become one of you weaklings again!" "Hey, have it your way. Now's the time ta finish her!" Noneofyourbusiness! yelled as she prepared her biggest attack. Back in Griffonstone, the onlooking griffon audience, which was by now most of the town, was shrieking in delight. She stepped forward, weapon raised -- Only to stop as Flutter Nice stepped in the way. "No! This isn't the right way!" "It's not?" Blackest_Flame froze in mid-greataxe swing. "No! This quest isn't to beat Ember, remember?" She showed them some of the message they'd been given when they started out on it. "'Tonight, we venture into Tartarus itself! There, we shall seek the prize that the evil Lord Tirek thought he could hide from us… The Sparks of Trust and Hope… the keys to the new magic that will be his downfall!'" Flutter Nice stepped in front of Ember, within reach of her fangs. "We won't win with violence and spells." She moved closer to Ember, changing from her Dire Bear and into her pony from. "But by showing we hope for Ember, and trust her to still be herself, a being of honor and decency, under Tirek's corruption." Far off in the Dragonlands, the real Ember watched, her attendants and the other dragons around her silent. Was someone somewhere trying to fight one of them by expecting them to do the right thing? Flutter Nice stood before Ember, the weakening shadows of her corruption flickering and fading. The dream realm about them was collapsing now. "You won't hurt me or the others," Flutter Nice said to the wounded dragoness. "You know who really hurt you. And you know who's going to help you." "Guys," RisingSun said. It looked like the shattered Equestria around them was falling apart, and about to take them with it. "We better end this now, or this place is going down with us in it." Dark Ember hissed and raised her claw above them, the ground beneath the raid turning orange, as one last box appeared on the screen. FIGHT EMBER/TRUST EMBER CHOOSE NOW Session 99.2 Mtangalion Meanwhile, at the Pie household, Pinkie Pie remained fixated on her computer, but one eye began to twitch. “*Dashie* thinks it feels like this fight has lasted for months. Heh. Heh heh…” Unexpectedly, Maud pulled up a chair and put an arm around Pinkie awkwardly. “There, there.” Pinkie giggled disturbingly. “So many days, waiting for more Words. I don’t remember what school looks like, or the bakery, or…” “It’ll be okay,” droned Maud. “Here. Have one of your cheer-up muffins. Just a little farther to go.” Another line of text appeared on human Shining Armor’s screen, below the choice buttons. “Reminder: If you fail this version of the encounter, you cannot attempt it again until the next raid lockout.” In the game, Shining looked up at the corrupted Dragon Queen... struggling to stand, “bleeding” off plumes of black ash and dark magic, much smaller but still plenty large enough to crush them all. He drew a deep breath, and pushed the TRUST button with a hoof. “I’ll trust Princess Ember! Stand down, everycreature!” The raid relaxed, uncertainly. Spike the Dragon Mage and Garble the Dragon Brawler flew over to them and landed as well, standing with them. “Ember!” Garble implored her one more time. “Your people need you! I need you! Come back to us!” Dark Ember clenched her upraised paw, snarling and slamming her tail on the ground. “I must… destroy you all… I MUST… I…” And then, her eyes focused sharply. “I WILL NOT!” she roared, slamming her forepaw down… beside the raid, not on top of it! The ground fissured, cracks running clear to the horizon in an instant, then up into the sky, which shattered like a broken mirror, raining down… And with a jolt, they found themselves back where they were before, in the deepest chamber of Tartarus. “Whoa!” Daring_Do looked around, gaping. “Is it over?! Are we back in the real world?” In Twilight’s Friendship Castle, Spike whooped and high-pawed with Smolder. “For a given value of real.” If Lavan and Crunch the Rockdog had survived the raid encounter, they were long gone. There was no sign of them now. The “real” Princess Ember glowed and began to shrink, layers of corrupted crystal exploding off of her body. All of her shackles fell apart, because Ember was suddenly too small for them, and yet… “Is it over?” rasped Princess Ember, unknowingly echoing Daring_Do. “Am I me again? This feels really weird…” Her body was once again young enough to walk on two legs, but now she stood as tall as Garble, and her blue scales were darker, shading to black in places. Garble the Dragon Brawler grinned toothily, leaning on his hammer axe. “I think I could get used to it.” His eyes widened. “My lady, be careful! You’re not fully recovered… mfff!” Princess Ember tackled him, shoving him up against a stone wall and kissing the living daylights out of him. Garble banged his head against his keyboard. “Kill me now.” “I’ll kill him!” snarled Dragon Lord Ember. Ballista giggled, elbowing her. “At least take him on a date first. You can always kill him later.” Queen Gilda rolled her eyes. “Blah blah blah, and then they banged. Can we get to the loot now?” She rubbed her claws together, salivating over the large and ornate golden chest which had appeared. Princess Ember looked over her shoulder. “Oh, that? That’s some treasure those jerks made me hoard so I’d get bigger. You can ha… Sorry… You can have… Ha… haaaa… You can have it!” She slumped in Garble the Dragon Brawler’s arms, panting. “That was hard...” Rising Sun popped the chest open, and sitting right on top of the loot pile were a pair of crystal orbs, just like the unawakened Elements of Harmony. One had a red and yellow sun, and the other bore glittering stars. And that wasn’t all. Gongs and triumphant fanfares played on their computers as the achievements popped up… (Tartarus Unchained) - Successfully cleared the Tartarus raid! (Legendary Challenge: Dark Ember) - Defeated Dark Ember on the highest difficulty mode! Secret Achievement: (Hooves and Paws and Claws) - Persuaded the Dragon Kingdom to join the Equestrian Alliance! Reward: You may now create playable Young Dragons! Spike reeled back in his chair. “What, NOW they give us that? Hey, Garble!” He turned his head. “What do you think of…” Garble had already logged out of his griffon warrior, and he was grinning like an idiot at the new character customization screen. Smolder stretched limbs tired from sitting in a chair for hours. “What about you, Spike? Finally going to play something else besides that pony mare you started with?” Spike chuckled. “Maybe?” The human Shining Armor started sorting through the loot, and raid members began making their bonus rolls. The game had one more unexpected surprise for them, though… Almost silently, some of the crystal shards began to rattle, rolling across the dungeon floor, collecting together and rising up… Some intuition made pony Shining Armor whip around, drawing his sword as the shards dissolved together, forming… A baby dragoness made of pure shimmering shadows, no bigger than Spike when he first got his wings. “How disappointing!” she said, speaking with the same mysterious voice they’d heard during the battle. Shining Armor lunged with his sword, but she flew out of his reach, waggling a small talon. “Still, Princess Ember’s essence is strong. It’s a pity that I couldn’t salvage any more of it.” She flew tauntingly closer and purred, “We WILL meet again, little pony.” Then she flew through a crack in the ceiling and was gone. Shining Armor blinked. “What… What was…” He looked down at the chat log, and her dialog was all there, spoken by ‘The Shadow of Lilith.’ “What the heck was that thing!?” Pinkie Pie waved her hooves dramatically. “Oooh, foreshadowing!” Shining twitched. “Let’s just… pass out this loot and portal on home.” Session 99.3 Ardashir (OOC: Non gaming post but for the holiday) Once again Nightmare Night had descended upon Ponyville. Monsters roamed the darkened streets seeking candy to sate the terrible hunger of Nightmare Moon. "Oh, darling, no, no, she's appearing in Manehattan this year, with Pipsqueak and his family. Lovely party, or so I'm told. I helped them make their costumes, used only the finest woven spider-silk. So few ponies appreciate how much work goes into making costumes out of organic fibers, and..." As we escape that gabby horror, we find more in the town. Ghosts and witches and eldritch horrors were dancing in the town square or feasting upon unspeakable treats. "Whadda ya mean, 'unspeakable'? They're my special Blood Red Cherry-Chocolate-Chimichangas, I make them every year!" Ahem! Moving right along, and in one darkened corner of the town, namely the townhouse being rented by the increasing population of exiled dragons, some of their newest citizens were getting an education in the bizarre customs of ponies. "Wow," Spike handed over to the hungrily drooling dragons a small pouch of rare black opals. "You guys bet me that you'd make the scariest haunted house in Ponyville for Nightmare Night. I guess you did it." Fizzle and Fume and the rest snatched at it, only to subside at a growl from Garble. He took it from Spike, ostentatiously removed and ate the very best gem, and then handed the others out. As they did Spike stared at the house. Pony bones and coffins were everywhere, lit candles in their eye sockets, or posed with instruments in an osseous orchestra. Spooky music played over the whole scene from a hidden phonograph. Pony fillies and colts, and many adults, stared in awe before fleeing with excited and frightened whinnies. But not before getting some treats from a disguised as a vampire bat Smolder. "Hah!" Clump snapped his claws under Spike's muzzle. "That'll show ya! Dragons can scare anybody." "You sure did," Spike nodded agreement as he poked at one mounted pony skeleton, the bones having the aged and yellowed look of actual pony bones. "Where did you ever find decorations this scary?" "Aw, we just dug them up -- OOF!" He stumbled away, rubbing his belly. Garble, who had just slapped that belly in friendly roughhousing, laughed shakily and patted Spike on the head. "Hah! Clump, you and your dorky sense of humor," Garble bent over and winked heavily at Spike. "Like it's a secret, little dude. Gotta maintain the sense of mystery and stuff like that." "What  mystery?" Fizzle laughed and waved at some foals passing by. He pointed them out to Garble. They wore a frightening mask that had sold very well in the preceding weeks; a crimson dragon with an obvious overbite. Garble growled a bit at seeing it, while Fizzle said, "They was just laying under some dirt in this big field with all these really big stones standing over them -- OW!" He limped away, favoring the clawed foot Garble had just stepped on. "And ta think I'm not gettin' any bits from those two crooked unicorns when they said my face was gonna make a great fright mask," Garble scowled as he saw more of the dragon masks. He looked at Spike. "Hey, what's a fright mask, anyway?" He brightened as he saw Mayor Mare in her usual Nightmare Night clown costume approaching, together with Princess Twilight, Zecora, and a strange green mare with a black mane and tail and a skull cutie mark. They stopped before the dragons house and stared for several long minutes in awe. "Incredible use of theme... Fine materials, frighteningly realistic, even a sense of humor!" Princess Twilight opened the saddlebag she had and floated out a large bag of jewels. Garble and the other dragons gathered around, licking their scaly lips, as she handed it over and pinned a black and orange ribbon on their house. "Garble, boys, you did an amazing job. You win the first prize for 'Scariest Scene for Nightmare Night'!" She examined one flaming-eyed skull up close. "It almost looks real!" "Hey, it oughta. With all the work we did, that is." Garble hastily said before yanking out a handful of rare black opals and tossing them into his open muzzle. "Well, enjoy the rest of the evening, boys," Mayor Mare said. She frowned. "I'm afraid I have to take some time to help in the investigation of that mass graverobbing incident." The dragons grinned as widely and innocently as they could, all gleaming fangs, as she added, "Fortunately we have one of Canterlot's best forensic neigh-cromancers here, Ms. Magica de Skull." The green-coated mare smiled thinly as Mayor Mare added. "She said she can smell a graverobber a mile off." "Better be glad she can't smell them any closer," Smolder grumbled as she flew overhead. "Anyway," the Mayor turned and began walking away from the house on the edge of town, "it won't matter for long. Ms. de Skull is about to cast a spell that will return the stolen remains to their eternal rest," the ponies, with Spike trailing along, were almost out of sight as they headed back to the town square, "but not before they punish the perpetrators." "Huh?" Fume's eyes widened, not that anypony or dragon could see it under his hair. "What kinda punishment?" "Oh, nothing much," Ms. de Skull said as she trotted away, her horn aglow with sickly green light as she cast her spell. "The bones will just re-animate and pound the stuffing out of the robbers before re-interring themselves." She stopped and smiled, slightly, as sounds of frightened dragon shrieks and the clicking of something like many dry bones moving at once, soon joined to the smacks of a fearsome beating, came from behind her. "Like my ancestor Queen Majesty, I think the punishment should fit the crime. Anyway, enjoy your Nightmare Night prize and what it cost to get it, gentlemen." Session 99.4 Unown3 "AAHHHHHH!!!!!" The CMC screamed in the depths of Tartarus, looking up the furry hideous winged beast towering over them. This made them wish they HADN'T 'lost' the Twilight Guard that Princess Twilight had secretly sent after them (which for the wily CMC, was easy peasy). The humanoid horror looked at them in shock and alarm before saying, "What are little fillies doing in Tartarus?!" "Maybe one of them wants to feed the prisoners!" Cackled the goat head of the Chimera, making clear they were not in a cage for being 'poor misunderstood magical creatures.' "Come on little filly! Come in this cage and prove you're not a big baby!"   Apple Bloom shivered, but resisted their taunts. The other ignored the beast. Then remembered they had a monster NOT in its cage in front of them. "Ahhh!" The furry brown monster looked around. "What is it?! Did one of the monsters escape?! ... Wait... " He saw the fearful look in their eyes. "Wait wait wait! I am not going to hurt you!" He knelt down. Thankfully, years of being friends with Discord had taught the CMC how to override the 'see something nasty an evil no matter what its do' parts of their brains... eventually. The CMC also saw... it was holding a table top RPG in its hands... "You're... here for someone too?" Scootaloo asked. "Yes... my brother... Tirek." "TIREK?!" Sweetie gasped. "Wait a minute! You're Scorpan?!" Scootaloo exclaimed. The gargoyle nodded. "That is I... He tried to replace me you know. My brother. He turned innocent creatures into subservient versions of me to serve as his henchman again and again... I... took that as a sign that as much as he hated me for choosing the ponies over him, that he still wanted us as family again." Scorpan showed the box depicting a mighty naked centaur warrior with a sword in a deserted surrounded by dead snake-men. "I brought his favorite game, "Orion the Barbarian", I thought it might be a chance of pace from Crystals and Rainbows... We played it as boys with our father and his court. The object of the game is too play opposing empire against each other and make your own kingdom. Dad said it made for good learning, he was always the game master." Scorpan, in spite himself, began speaking in praise. "Sometimes Tirek would have the kingdoms reduce themselves to ashes, and then swoop in as a 'rescuer'. Other times, he'd ally with one ruler, while slowly claiming their power, until the lead was just a figure head." This snapped the CMC back to reality. "Wait! Girls! Remember! Tirek's cage! Cozy Glow's! They're empty!" "WHAT?!" Scorpan said in total alarm, the horror on his face making clear as much as he wanted to save his brother from himself, he knew he also had to protect everyone else from him! Sweetie Belle said, "You know, if had chosen to visit Cozy Glow earlier, we'd have known about this sooner." Scootaloo snapped. "NO ONE LIKE'S A KNOW-IT-ALL!" Apple Bloom glared the Chimera, "How long have they been gone?" "Who been gone for what now?" Sneered the snake head. "TIREK! GOZY GLOW! How long have they been gone?!" All three of Chimera heads giggled. "Tirek? Cozy Glow? Never heard of 'em! Isn't that right everyone?" The other monsters in cages laughed and nodded. "Maaaaybe my memory will improve if a tasty filly asks her question a little bit closer!" Said the tiger head grinning, showing all of its teeth, Apple Bloom remembered that for cats, a grin meant MALICE. Apple Bloom's face' turned red with frustration. +++ "What do you mean I can't go on this underwater quest as my new and improved Dragon me?!" Garble complained. "Simple, your new dragon you... Omega_Flame? Really? Well, I'm impressed you KNOW the word 'omega'... but you're simply UNDER-LEVELED! So do some grinding, but the others aren't gonna wait for you!" Garbunkle2 (Spike the dragon) told Garble. Garble's words were filtered by the profanity filter to the point where it sounded like he was speaking in Mohorse Code. REAL_Princess said, standing at the pier, that was part of the start of the quest for the Seapony/Merpony raid... They were to get on a boat to travel to a mysterious island... A sailor pegasus said, "Hmmmm, I fear there be cloud gremlins in the areas, they might cause a storm." "What subtle foreshadowing," Rarity (and her character name) said sarcastically. Then the captain, a zebra, look out a book saying, "What wonderful creatures in the deep there be, which of these would you wish to see?" The zebra stallion showed them each a book showing a seapony on one side, and a merpony on the other. "To each other they rarely smile, To the other they are hostile. "With dislike of the other so large, for their services, extra they charge." "Okay, that's... kinda more subtle foreshadowing," RisingSun admitted. "What's foreshadowing?" Noneofyourbusiness! (Queen Gilda asked) asked. "Means they're hinting at stuff that'll happen later so it doesn't seem they pulled it out of their butt!" R0xx-star-queen (human Gilda) said. "Geeze where were you educated, a barn?" "HEY!" Honest Apple snapped. "I wish it was a barn! But it wasn't that nice! Except for that time at Flight Camp," Noneofyourbusiness! said. "Sooo... we each pick one of the tribe, and we play as that for this quest? That's so interesting!" Flutter NIce said excited. "These 'quest particular gameplay mechanics' tend to be rather ... hit or miss," Crystal_Prince warned. "Come on, what's the worst that can happen?" FaithfulStudent (Sci-Twi) said. The ominous thunder effect happened just then. Everyone looked at her with the 'death glare' Emotica. "That's just superstition!" She insisted. After making their choices, the heroes got on the boat, and were 'surprised' when the massive thunder storm happened. They spent a few minutes fighting cloud gremlins... before the ship broken two, and they sank... This was followed cut scene of dark swimming figures finding them and spiriting of them still underwater. Then a cut scene of each party (those who had chosen different in separate instances), waking up in Aquastria for the merponies, and Seaquestria for the seaponies. Both groups were told how their friends had been captured by the evil seaponies/merponies and likely twisted to their will, and about how their Queen/King's new advisor had warned them about the danger they posed after the emergence of the ancient evil Squirk and had allied themselves with him. Many in the party saw where this was going. REAL_Princess, remember the lore of Squirk from Equestria's earliest age, already guessed the villains was switching places as a seapony and merpony to turn them against each other, likely produce enough hatred to power windigos or just feed some ancient artifact powered by bad vibes. However... none of that mattered...as in the tutorial section... EVERYONE kept bumping into each other, or the walls, the ceiling, the NPCs... going in only vaguely the direction they wanted to. "WHAT THE HECK!? THIS SO BUGGY!" D@r1ng-d0 swore as well the as game would let her. "Maybe I should visit the office and see what this mess is about," Twilight and Sunset both thought remembering their contracts with Crystalsoft regarding this expansion." "Now now you guys, no need to bother Crystalsoft with a little bug like this right?" R0xx-star-queen said uncomfortably. And swam right into a pillar. ++++ "Boss! More complaints about the swim mechanics for the Squirk raid! They're saying they were killed by the bad swimming controls!" Gabby the human shouted. "GILDA! I told you play test those!" Game design Discord complained. "I did! They worked just fine for in the test area! Must be some other mechanics messing them up!" Gilda claimed, hiding the screen she was using. "OW! OW! OW!" Screwball and Virtual Pinkie Pie, current testing the merpony and seapony forms respectively, kept bumping heads and the sides of the screen on Discord's monitor. "My head hurts!" "Daddy I think this mechanic is broken!" "DISCORD!" Vice President of Crystalsoft Chrysalis came storming in. "You're actually designing a quest where my son's hideous painfully coloring designs can appear?! WE HAVE A REPUTATION TO MAINTAIN! We can't let something that ugly be exposed to our players!" "Look in a mirror," Gilda whispered. "So! Has Phalanx tracked down those system crackers yet?!" Discord said quickly. "He and Mr. Snow think it might be our 'old friends' again who created that Ultimate_Princess abomination ... I swear how can someone be that pathetic? We fire those morons and they make it their life mission to ruin things!" "Daddy!" Screwball said from the screen. Chrysalis brushed off as Discord being weird again with his programming. "You based these swim mechanics on the pegasus flight simulator?" "WHAT?!" Chrysalis snapped. "Underwater flying?! That's how you... ugh! They're two different engines! No wonder it's all buggy! Fix it! Now! And shut up the complainer with whatever in-game trinkets you have to short of anything that ALSO breaks the game!!!" "Yes mam," Discord sighed. +++ "Thanks for meeting with me Archer," said Princess Waverdancer. "No problem," said Archer. "It's nice for soomepony to notice I exist." Waverdancer was currently in an enchanted bathtub provided by princess Twilight herself. "I know what you mean," Waverdancer said. "I keep trying and keep failing to get somepony's attention. And it always peters out. Instead all anypony cares about is our 'chosen hero students six'... Ask anypony in Ponyville... They won't be able to name any of the other students here, or the teachers besides Princess Twilight's inner circle... There are ponies who have been sitting on the bleachers right next to everypony in the class photos who nobody even KNOWS who they are, or even what their names are or what they EVEN DO at this school... it's like the school's sole purpose is to cater to the existence to the other exchange students and Sandbar... " "That's freaky isn't it?" Archer nodded. The pair were playing chess. And... Waverdancer was impressed. "Are you sure you don't have a cutie mark for chess instead?" "Naw. Archery is still what I live for... even if apparently nobody even USES archery for anything but the Equestria Games anymore... I love Miss Fluttershy... but I think she forgets that other ponies can't politely reason with Pony-eating monsters." "Wish ponies were direct in defending themselves?" "Kinda... last time the guard demanded to actually have WEAPONS, it caused a controversy! ... " "I'll admit... I might have ... reacted badly when I found out Fluttershy was feeding fish to her pets so she wouldn't have to feed prey land animals to them..." "Oh really? I never would have guessed," Archer said sarcastically with a grin. "Seaponies have been the big girls on the block under the sparkling sea for eons! We've held back the sirens and the deep ponies, yet everypony mistakes us for those hybrid cosplayers..." "... I hear that. All anypony does besides Miss Cheerilee and my parents is mistake me for Scootaloo painted blue..." "You need to be more assertive." "My mom says the same thing... Checkmate!" "... Huh?! Wait-wha-?!... " +++ In the junkyard owned by Gilda The Human, Spike the pup stood on a pile of tires. Ember the Dog and Garble the Dog on his left and right. "Greets Smolder!" Spike looked down at her from on high, the sun gleaming behind him. "As leader of the pack of uplifted canines, I welcome you to our number!" Ember the dog waved a paw. "Welcome to the pack!" "Thank you alpha, it is an honor!" Smolder the dog bowed her head. "But can we hurry? I need to get back my owner!" "Owner! Bah!" Garble grumbled. "Spike! How long before we uplift all the dogs of the world and overthrow the humans?" "Patience Garble patience!" Ember said. "Guys, humans look after us hand and foot already!" Spike said. "Just think! No more leashes! No more pet-carriers! No more neutering!!!" All the pets present shivered at the last one. Smolder remember how some pets acted after being neutered, a distant, zombie-like gaze in their eyes. Session 99.5 Mtangalion Spike the Dog grinned, looking over his small but clever pack, surely the cleverest pack! Something kept nagging at him, though... "Are there any dogs that I forgot to invite? I keep feeling like we've forgotten something." Inside the house, Grandpa Gruff scowled. "Mangy mutt! That's my recliner! And my morning paper, too!" He raised his cane, but Torch fixed him with an irate stare, snarling viciously. "Bah, not worth it.  I'll make you move later." Torch snorted, then rustled the newspaper held in his forepaws, turning to the next page. Elsewhere, Apple Bloom waved a gnarled piece of wood over her head. "See the stick! Go fetch!" She hurled it across the yard. "Good girl, Winona! Go fetch the stick!" Winona roared happily and tromped after it. There was a grinding crunch, and elephant-sized bronze dragon returned with a tractor held in her jaws, wagging her tail. Apple Bloom winced. "Yeah, we're gonna have to work on that." Session 99.6 Unown3 "Okay girls!" Spike The Dragon greeted... currently in dog form. Princess Twilight had lost the coin flip.They were gaming in the human world. Which led to 'do you have a twin' antics of course. "I fished around, and I found this adventure that'll be great!" AJ the pony, currently human, raised a fist (still getting used to these hand thingies). "Ah gotta ask... can ya really handle a group of ... 14 players?" Spike grinned, seeming draconic in spite of his fur. "Not for long." "So what is it?!" Rainbow Dash the pony asked (and having been made to wear a sweet shirt and sweat pants after trying to get naked), "Plenty of hack and slash? Better not be another feast!" "Well, yes and no... I bet the Pinkie Pies and the Twilights will like it. The modules say that it's best to be a surprise what adventure it is." - "Down the giant hole we go!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "More like float down," Sci-Twi remarked. "What's with all these tiny weapons, shields, armor on the sides?" H-AJ asked. "I be the fairies will love them!" P-Fluttershy said. - Spike said, "After drinking the potion, you all shrink down, but your armor and equipment doesn't." "My character faints!" H-Rarity declares. "My character finds somewhere to hide and die of embarrassment!" H-Fluttershy said. Spike the Dog, and the nominal ponies, on the other hand went in another direction. "BUT THAT'S MY FAVORITE SWORD!" P-Rainbow Dash swore. "At least these tiny things are useful now," said P-Fluttershy. "Oh and the walls start crying... the place is starting to flood." "WAIT! I get what this is! THROUGH THE KEYHOLE!" Princess Twilight shouted. - "The caterpillar is a centipede dragon in disguise trying to kill us?" - "The white rabbit is a super powerful wizard trying to kill us?" - "The Mad Hatter and the March Hair and Dormouse are trying to kill us?!" "Just the Dormouse actually." "That's a relief." "Their HATS on the other hand, ARE trying to kill you!" - "REALLY sorry Rarity," D-Spike said to H-Rarity. "The tea was poisoned. Your monk is dead." "THEN HOW WAS THE MAD-HATTER DRINKING IT!?" - "The giant grinning cat is trying kill us?!" - "You missed your swing, so the flamingo you're using as a mallet bites you!" "Ha! I made my roll!" "That means the hedgehog being used as ball shoots you with quills instead." "OH COME ON!" Princess Twilight snapped. - "And having framed you for stealing the tarts-" "Don't get at least get a perception check to see if we notice him plantin' the evidence on us!?" H-AJ demanded. "Nope!" - "Wait wait wait!" Sci-Twi exasperated. "The white chess pieces AND red chess pieces are attacking us?!" "Yep!" - "So the white iron golem knight guiding us keeps falling off his horse, onto us... " P-Rarity said calmly. The party had at this point been reduced by half. (It was unclear if the lack of a total party wipe yet was due to Spike's misplaced sense of mercy or the ponies used to living next to a forest where everything WAS trying to kill them (screw the deer saying Everfree was full of poor misunderstood beasts!). "Yep." - P-AJ asked. "WHAT the heck were all these monsters doin' when they WEREN'T tryin' to kill us? Playin' solitaire?!" - "That figgy pudding the 'queens' served you was actually a black pudding, you're dead Pinkie Pie." "Oh really? You've had us die to illusionary traps because we believed so hard in them that it made them real... the black pudding has no mind of its own, and thus no ego or self image... therefore, if I believe in so hard that the illusionary figgy pudding is harmless... wouldn't that make it harmless?" Spike's brain broke. - With now only Sci-Twi, Sunset, and both Pinkie Pies still alive at this point... Sunset had to be restrained from turning into Nightmare Inferno when she heard, "WE COULD HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FROM THE START IF WE HAD JUST WAITED AROUND FOR THE PORTAL THAT DROPS US HERE to RECHARGE?!" Sci-Twi fainted when she heard they had to track across the way they came over all again...   - "I... have... had... ENOUGH!!!" H-Pinkie Pie slammed her hands down. "EVERYTHING in this place had tried to kill us either on purpose, by accident, backstab us, or been booby traps! ... " "Yeah, well," Spike said. "Alice realized Wonder Land was an awful place to be too." "SHE REALIZED IT WAS NO FUN BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY RULES TO THE GAME!" P-Pinkie Pie joined in with a roar. "EVERYTHING trying to kill us?! No exception?! That is all so... CONSISTENT! Which completely MISSES THE POINT of the story! It should have been UNPREDICTABLE which of Wonderland was gonna help us, hurt us, be our best friend, or worst enemy!" "I'm just playing the adventure the way it's written!" D-Spike barked. P-Rarity said, "Spike darling... I fear you being raised by Twilight you might have taken up some of her ... habits of sticking to the letter of things even when they construe the spirit of the intent..." (D&D Dungeon Land and The Land Beyond the Magic Mirror.) Session 99.7 Mtangalion and Ardashir (edited by me) Gilda smirked, watching Torch send another door-to-door salesman fleeing for his life, minus the seat of his pants. "Good boy, Torch." Torch barked, "You're goshdarn right I am! ... You didn't hear that." - Then Torch got his paws on Gilda's credit card and used it to place an order over the phone with the local butcher shop for 12 pounds of fine steak. "Just throw it at the bulldog that comes charging at you when you ring the bell, that'll be fine." - Gilda the human called out, "Hey, Lite-Brite! Pro-tip, keep your dog away from your credit cards." FLASHBACK! Sci-Twi said when Rarity gave similar advice (with experience from Sweetie Belle), "Besides, how bad can it get if Spike found my credit card. What's he going to use it for?" While Back at her house/lab... Spike disguised by an overcoat and hat. "Yeah, that's right guys, put the heating and air-conditioning units for my, I mean, the doghouse down over there. Right next to the duck-down doggy mattress." Sci-Twi sighed. "Too late... and if you call me that again, I'll start calling you Brungilda." "You take that back!" Gilda aised a fist, then blinked. "Uh..." Gilda leaned in and whispered. "I don't know what that is." Sci-Twi blinked. "Brunhilde was a legendary Valkyrie warrior." Gilda glared still confused. "You know, like the Mighty Thorse! But a girl instead of a guy." "So, basically you're saying that I'm cool and badflank? Nice of you to notice, Lite-Brite!" Sci-Twi facepalmed. Session 99.8 Mtangalion (with some ideas from Alex) Princess Twilight sank into her favorite comfy couch in her private study, feeling the tension slowly drain away. It was a perfect weekend to relax and unwind with the latest Journal of Applied Thaumatologics, not at all like last weekend, when Celestia and Luna had convinced her that they were retiring immediately and leaving the entire Equestrian government on her shoulders that very afternoon. Twilight was still trying to think of a good way to prank them back for that. Yes, it was a perfect afternoon for… Her ears pricked up. What… what was that? Some kind of security alarm? A fire somewhere, perhaps? Whatever it was, it seemed to be coming closer and… With a pop-flash of amber magic, Button Mash teleported right into her study, flying too fast to avoid plowing right into her. The combined mass of Button, her, and the couch slammed into the far wall, knocking paintings off the walls. “Aaaaaa!” screamed Button, hooves clapped to his cheeks and beanie askew on his head. “Princess Twilight, Princess Twilight! Aaaaaa!” Making a mental note to apologize again to Celestia… and her friends, and her brother and Cadence and… well, a lot of other ponies… Twilight plucked a paper bag from her personal supply and crammed it onto Button’s muzzle. “Breathe,” she commanded. “Then explain.” Equestria’s one and only Alicorn Prince needed four good deep breaths before he seemed ready to talk sense. “Okay, so… I was playing the Pyro’s Dragon Adventure game with the girls, and I said I wished I could summon the real Pyro somehow, and then…” Button threw his hooves wide. “It actually happened, and I don’t know how to send him back and…” “Um…” A familiar purple and yellow dragon knocked on the window, then opened it, letting himself into the study. “Is he always like this?” asked Pyro, in the flesh. Button Mash yanked on his mane. “Aaaaaa! End Program! Exit enchanted comic book!” Nothing happened. “Aaaaaa!” Princess Twilight groaned and telekinetically shoved Button’s face into the paper bag again. “Just… calm down, okay? We’ll find his world with the portal mirror, and that will be that!” She did her best, probably inadequate impression of Celestia’s smile #6 (You messed up, but it’s not the end of the world.) “Besides, it’s not like he’s been going around stealing everypony’s gems and roasting random sheep, right?” The Alicorn colt cringed. “About that…” Someone started hammering on the study door. “Twilight!” shouted Applejack. “Twi, I’m coming in!” Twilight looked to Button, but there was no time to even begin to think of excuses or explanations before the door opened, admitting not just Applejack, but Big Macintosh too, both armed with real actual pitchforks, not the cheap props that the Flower Trio sometimes gave out. Two members of the Twilight Guard followed them in, but Twilight motioned for them to stay back. Having her personal guard arrest the Apples for intruding wouldn’t be very friendly, after all. “Apologies, Miss Twilight,” rumbled Big Mac, "but there’s a dangerous rogue dragon in town. He plum *vaporized* three of our sheep, but we’ll find him, eeyup!” AJ’s gaze happened to fall across Twilight’s desk. “Say, is that a new lamp?” “Huh?” Twilight turned her head and saw the ‘lamp’ … small and leathery with purple scales, and wearing the lampshade from Twilight’s actual desk lamp, which stood on the other corner of her desk with a bare bulb. Button Mash trotted forward, smiling helpfully. “You don’t have to worry about those sheep, Miss Apple. I’ve got them right here in my inventory. That, um… strange dragon, he probably just made a mistake and teleported the sheep. With his fire breath. You know, without meaning to!” Applejack stared at Button, hard. Button gulped, sweating profusely. Twilight could have sworn she actually heard a voice in her head… (Roll charisma check,  -5 penalty vs Element of Honesty, +3 Alicorn bonus) And… was Twilight’s eyesight finally going wonky from staring at books too much, or was she actually seeing Button Mash clicking through a game interface, floating in the air before him? He clicked on a sheep icon as she watched, and then he actually pulled three grown sheep out of thin air, presenting them to Big Mac with a nervous grin. Ten minutes later, after the guards had left and the Apples had gone home, taking the sheep with them… Twilight buried her face in the couch cushions, groaning. “I can’t believe they actually bought that. Wait, let me guess… video game logic?” Button nodded, sprawled on the couch next to her. A new text box popped up: (You gained 500 XP for this encounter) “Pretty neat, huh?” Meanwhile, Pyro found Spike frozen in mid-step, gawking at the smaller dragon. “I release you from the spell!” said Pyro cheerfully, poking Spike in the chest. “Huh, you’re the shortest elder I’ve ever seen! Can you tell me how many talismans or eggs or whatever I have to find before I can go home *this time*?” Session 99.9 Ardashir Now they have one more dragon running around Ponyville. I can see how this will go: "Uh, Garble, Smolder, this is Pyro," Spike indicated the feisty little dragon beside him. Pyro looked at the two bipedal dragons in confusion while Spike said, "He's, ah not from around here." "What, he was raised by ponies like you?" Smolder flapped over and focused a hostile gaze on Pyro. He gulped but held his ground, puffing his chest out with a growl. "Yeesh, he's even more of a runt than you are, Spike." "Hey!" Pyro snarled back at Smolder. "Don't call me a runt, you, you weirdo!" Before he could say more Garble stomped over with a growl. "Don't call my sister a weirdo, shorty!" He snatched at Pyro. The smaller dragon just backed up, lowered his head, and charged. Garble sneered, "What, was he raised by some dumb goats or something -- OW!" He went head over scaly heels, eyes rolling, gemstones raining down around him. "That'll teach you, ya big bully!" Pyro snorted. Smolder and Spike just stared at the huge gemstones on the ground. Pyro snapped some up and looked at them. "Oh, sorry, you want some of these?" "Wait a minute," Smolder held up one claw. "Does that happen every time you headbutt something?" "Yes." Pyro blinked in confusion. "It happens when every dragon does that. Don't you know?" Garble regained his feet in time to hear this. He and Smolder looked at each other and exchanged big grins. A few hours later, two groaning and sore dragons were laying in beds at Ponyville Emergency. Their heads were wrapped in bandages and facing them was an irate Princess of Friendship. "Okay, now tell me again, why were you two headbutting everything in town for two hours including stone statues and yelling, 'Where are the yummy gemstones'? Session 99.10 Ardashir "Good to see you out of the hospital, Smolder," Twilight looked up from the papers she was grading -- as well as a few ideas for an Oubliettes & Ogres adventure she wanted to subject Spike to. After that little horror show he put her and the others through, she wanted to make it special for him. "What can I help you with?" "Not much," Smolder flapped up and dropped to the floor before her desk. Scratching behind one of her horns, she said, "Uh, I do kind of wonder what became of those enchanted Flashfire comics I had, the ones from the soft city-loving Dragontown traitors -- I mean, the alternate dragon community you taught us to respect, heh." Smolder finished with a weak smile. Twilight's frown didn't improve. She rose from her chair and walked around the desk. "The last I saw, Garble was returning to the Dragonlands at Ember's command with them. I don't get it either," she explained as the young dragoness looked confused. "I know Ember isn't fond of Mina or the other settled dragons. And the message she sent sounded odd - 'Tell my lovey-dovey sweetie Garble we need to talk'." "Huh?" Smolder sat up in her chair. "Weren't those some of the lines the dragons used in World of Horsecraft?" "Well, yes," Twilight walked back behind her desk. "But how would Ember possibly know them?" At Fluttershy's hut, where he was having a tea party with his favorite pegasus, Discord steepled his claws and smiled. And in the Dragonlands -- or rather, inside the enchanted Flashfire comic in the Dragonlands: "YEEEOWWW!" Garble, currently dressed as Flashfire's boyfriend, yelled as the weights attached to his feet dropped another few inches, stretching him out like a rubber band. "Ember! Get me outta this!" "Flashfire, I'm in awe of your bravery," the Mane-iac said as she motioned for her henchponies to let the weights drop a little more. Raising her voice to be heard over Garble's howls, she laughed. "I would never have thought you could endure seeing your boyfriend get mauled like this rather than give in!" Ember, disguised as Flashfire, just smiled. "It's easier than you think." She turned and asked Garble in a deadly sweet tone, "Isn't that right, my dearest sweetheart," her voice turned into a snarl, "when you humiliated me in front of all the dragonesses in that stupid game you showed everydragon!" Session 99.11 Unown3 Apple Bloom the Alchemist escaped, "By the gods! That is one giant frog!" "Actually the gods are just a fiction to satisfy the poor, but yes I am a giant frog!" Said the giant frog. "But my family is well off, and we believe in gods," said Sweetie Belle the sorceress. "Obviously just to justify your better lot in life!" "Actually, my sister always tells me that we're NOT better than anyone else because we're more fortunate," Sweetie The sorceress said. "Obviously she's an exception," said the giant frog. "But Sweetie Belle thinks that way too!" Scootaloo the Barbarian protested. "She's an exception too." "But so does my  mom, my dad-" "They're all exceptions!" Apple Bloom asked, "Isn't 'they're all exceptions' the supposed 'go to excuse' for anyone who says any big name corrupted business man are all exceptions and not an inevitability and the NORM of capitalism?" Search for 'Perfect Retort' 'File Not Found' 404 Error... The giant frog exploded. - "AAAAGH!" The human Starlight Glimmer grasped her head as she lay her forehead against the table behind the Oubliette Overseer screen. "I think we crashed the Overseer," human Sweetie Belle said. Human Sunburst seeing this exchange said, "I told you not to try and put overt political messages into your Oubliette Overseeing." Starlight's response was untranslatable. Session 99.12 Unown3 Spike didn't like creating a dungeon at random as he went, but Shining Armor's friends had wanted to try out the 'create a dungeon' table revamped from the original OO Advanced Overseer's manual. With all 20 floors of the dungeon coinciding with the difficulty rating level of the same number. The girls had breezed through some orcs... Spike rolled 100 on the treasure table, and rolled 100 again, and again, the mathematical impossibility of it was coming close to popping a vein in Princess Twilight's head. However, then Spike's eyes got even bigger when he said, "Uh-oh." And looked at the players sadly. Now, when the OO smiles at you, that normally a warning sign. But saying 'Uh-oh' AND looking at you sadly? Something had just happened to throw the entire campaign out of wack. "You girls dig through the orc's treasures, and you find a deck of twenty-something playing cards, with the back showing an Alicorn and a Draconequus spiraled around each other. "THE DECK OF MANY THINGS?!" The ponies all shouted as one that would make Starlight Glimmer proud. Rarity politely fainted, no one blamed her. "Keep that dang thing away from me!" Applejack swore. "I'm not risking my character!" Rainbow Dash backed away from the table. "Say that a lich ate it quick Spike, before Discord bring it into reality or something!" Twilight waved her forehoove wildly in terror. Fluttershy said, "Uh... Let's just put it in a treasure chest and drop into a volcano..." Pinkie Pie said, "Uh, maybe play... just ONE card?" Everypony death glared at her. "Never mind." Spike sighed. "Girls. I'm sorry, unless you can give a logical reason HOW your characters would know what a Deck of Many Things even looks like, IN CHARACTER, I'm going to have to insist you act like it's just a curious and unique deck of playing cards likely to get your characters attention." The ponies all went pale. http://worldofmor.us/rules/DMG/DD00930.htm Session 99.13 Mtangalion “What are you talking about?!” whined Garble, still strung up in the Mane-iac’s ‘deadly’ trap. “And what’s with all the lame lovey dovey talk all of a sudden? How come you’re talking like Dark Ember in… that…” Garble felt a cold dread that had nothing to do with the icy water the henchponies were pouring on his toes. “You weren’t supposed to see that.” Ember, still dressed as Flashfire, arched a brow. “Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to find out that you and your pony pals were fantasizing about conquering me and making me your love slave?” She turned to the Mane-iac. “I’ll never tell you the launch codes. Do your worst!” The Mane-iac cackled, wrapping a hair-tendril around the lever to stretch him again. “Still being snippy with me? Then your precious boyfriend will receive the unkindest cut of all!” “Wait, wait!” squealed Garble. “None of that was my idea! It was all… ugh… those humans! You know how the humans have a Canterlot, but it’s not the real Canterlot? And a Celestia and a Luna, and lots of other fake junk?” Ember hesitated. “Go on…” Garble nodded as vigorously as he could manage. “Yeah! Yeah, the same humans who turned us into dogs and put us in cages, they made up that whole story about us being in love for a dumb game!” He leaned closer to her, pulling against the restraints. “Believe me, I don’t even like you. I’d date a diamond dog before I asked you out, even if you are kinda cute.” He froze and would have slapped his paws over his muzzle, if they hadn’t been manacled in place. The Mane-iac rolled her eyes. “As amusing as this little drama is, I need… those… launch codes! They’re the key to my plan to blackmail every hair salon and…” “Shut up,” snapped Ember. She gave Garble an ominous smile. “You think I’m cute, huh? Heh, I guess you *have* been away from the Dragon Lands for a while. Exit comic!” Everything around them melted into a swirl of dissolving comic book ink, and Garble collapsed onto a stone cave floor, groaning. “Ugh, finally...” he muttered, flexing away the phantom pain in his back and limbs… until he was hoisted up and slammed against the cavern wall! That knocked the wind out of Garble for a moment, but he was more amused than hurt. “Hah! So, even in real life, you need somedragon else to rough me... up?” Garble trailed off, as he began to realize that the claws and muscular arms holding him in place were a familiar shade of blue. And when he dared to look up, a strangled squeak might have escaped his muzzle, not that he’d ever admit it! The big dragon who’d pinned him so easily wasn’t one of Ember’s guards… it was Ember herself! “Just think,” purred Ember, nose to nose with Garble, her paws firmly on the floor while his dangled in the air. “If us dragons were more into that pony tech stuff, you could have watched this on a livestream. Me, growing…” She licked her tongue over her fangs. “Giving everydragon what they wanted… a Dragon Lord who can reform the traditions and make tough deals with ponies, *and* has the muscle to make it stick!” She tightened her grip a bit. “Well, my ‘beloved’ Dragon Brawler? Still think I’m cute now?!” Garble gulped. “N-no, not cute… More like totally hot.” He blinked. “They’re never gonna find my body, are they?” Ember growled, eyes narrowing, but then she let Garble fall to the floor, turning away and snorting flames. “At least you’re complimenting *me*, not some fake that’s *programmed* to want you!” Garble’s eyes widened. “Wait, are you… blushing?” His expression went flat. “Seriously?” He clenched a fist and punched the cave wall in frustration. “Ugh, this is so not fair! You get whatever you want, even though I’m the one who totally should have claimed the Bloodstone Scepter! I was so close!” Ember folded her arms across her chest, looking down at him thoughtfully. “Did you ever think… what if you’d been nice to Spike from the start?” Garble blinked. “Huh? What’s that got to do with anything?” “What if you’d stood up for a lost orphan whelp, instead of bullying him?” she said, pressing her point. “Helped him find a place with us, his own kind. Made it so he owed you? Maybe when the Gauntlet of Fire came around, he would have helped *you* get the Scepter!” Garble frowned… but quickly rolled his eyes. “How was I supposed to know he’d ever be anydragon important? What, are you into Friendship Lessons and junk now?” He clasped his paws and put on a big dumb smile, just like a pony. “We should be nice to every creature in need and give every one of them hugs and lollipops, cause hey, you never know!” Ember smirked. “Nah, that’d just be weird. We are dragons, after all. I was just... thinking out loud!” She turned to go, then paused and coughed into a fist. “One more thing, Garble! I want you to… ahem… It would be my pleasure if…” She blushed again. “Slag it. I command you as Dragon Lord… to t-take me on a date this weekend! If it’s a good date, I’ll let you live!” That evening, back at the Friendship Gaming Academy, Ambassador Garble was down on his hands and knees begging. “Come on, stop being lame and just do this one thing for me! I need to go back in time and beat some sense into myself!” Starlight Glimmer smiled and sipped her hot coco. “Don’t we all?” Session 99.14 Mtangalion Discord popped into being. "What a wonderfully chaotic idea!" Discord snapped his fingers. "Draw a card from this tarot deck, and it will summon the corresponding Alicorn or Draconequus! Or maybe it'll summon an avatar, if they're not inclined to appear in person. It might even send you to them! Isn't that exciting? ... I can see by the way you're trying to cram it into the garbage disposal that I'm going to have add more terms and conditions." Twilight Sparkle said, "Discord, I'm disappointed, you done the 'bring something from the game to life' how many times now? Like that were-vixen who infected Ponyville's foals? Not very chaotic." Session 99.15 Ardashir and sonicandmario826 with edits Discord frowned.... and then gave a terrifying grin, “Oh.... not being chaotic enough am I?” Twilight felt her heat slip a beat realizing her mistake. “Wait Discord!!! I didn’t mean-“ Discord Laughed and snapped claws again. "Too late!" The Girls and Spike cringed in horror, before slowly realizing that -- "Wait, where's the Deck?" Discord asked, "What? You think I'd waste it more on you ponies? I put it somewhere else, where it'll provide the most entertainment. Well I gotta go and be more chaotic. Toodles!!!” Discord disappeared. “..... well that was a mistake.”, Twilight said plainly. “You think,” Rainbow just plainly stated. -Far off in Flim and Flam's Los Pegasus Casino- "Boss, when did we get these new card decks on the poker tables?" "The night crew must've put them there. Well, cut the decks and give everyone a hand of cards before any trouble starts!" And across Creation, Discord and Celestia's relatives were confused when they started getting beeps on their cosmic pagers requesting their presence on that planet Celly, Lulu, Twiliey, Candy, and Dissy had all been loitering on (with Candy having spawned a new goddess while she was at it). Spirits of Chaos and Alicorns of Law heard. "If this is another prank Dissy I have giving you such a swat on your rear!" Session 99.13 Mtangalion Ardashir Unown3 “Pardon me!” shouted Prince Blueblood, waving the card in his hoof at one of the casino staff. “Look here, what’s the meaning of this?” The card featured a solid black rectangle in an elaborate frame, captioned as ‘The Void.’ “My compatriots and I came here to play poker, not have our fortunes told.” Inky black mist poured out of the card, silently taking shape. Blueblood didn’t even notice until other patrons started whispering and pointing. He turned his head to behold… “Miss Maud Pie?!” “Doctor,” deadpanned Maud. “I have a rocktorate.” She glanced around. “This is awkward.” “I say!” exclaimed Fancy Pants. “Magical cards that summon attractive young mares? Mind if I give it a go?” He snatched up a card, but frowned as he turned it over. “Sloth? That’s not very promising...” The stallion faded away, vanishing with a soft pop. - “What in blazes?!” shouted Fancy, gawking at the mountains upon mountains of clutter that surrounded him on every side, like the home of an incurable hoarder scaled up to the size of a kingdom. “How did I come to such an awful…” His eyes bulged. “D-D-Discord?! Ah, did I say awful? My good chap, what I really meant was…” The draconequus put the video game on his theater-sized screen on pause, looking supremely peeved. “Ugh, a mortal. A stupid one, too, showing up without an invite. First of all, Anarchy. *Not* my brother.” He tapped his mismatched downward-curving horns. “Totally different parts, see?” He unpaused his game, shaking his head. “Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, you can’t die here, cause buck all that paperwork.” Fancy Pants gulped. “Can I, er… challenge you to a game of chess, or some such? Win my freedom?” “I’ll take you home if you beat me at Super Ponio Brothers,” muttered Anarchy, without looking away from the screen. “That’s what I’m playing anyway.” Fancy gritted his teeth. “But… this place is unbearable! Please tell me you at least have a cleaning staff!” Anarchy smirked, idly snapping his claws and turning Fancy’s elegant tuxedo into a butler’s uniform. “Good idea. That’s you now.” Fancy stalked away, muttering under his breath. “Well, at least I didn't turn into a maid, like all those tabloid stories of what Celestia supposedly does to lazy guards.” - Back in the Las Pegasus casino, a wide-eyed stallion in a cheap suit and tie seemed to get lost in the curtains before blundering out onto a small stage. He struck a pose, but in the spreading chaos, everycreature took him for just another standup comic, until he harrumphed, sparking his horn *and* flaring his wings. Another tarot card fluttered to the carpet… the Fool. "I tell ya, these days even Alicorns get no respect!" Puerilis shook his head. “I came all this way, and it is just me or is this place kinda dead tonight? I mean, it's so dead, Mortis is over there at the bar." "Oh, I'm not working tonight,” said the black-coated Alicorn thestral. “Except for that stallion in the next room who’s going to stake everything on one spin of the roulette wheel and be posthumorously declared the second richest pony in Equestria." Prince Blueblood raised a hoof hesitantly. “You mean… posthumously?” The female draconequus on Mortis’ arm, wearing a blood red dress with lots of sequins and matching high heels, grinned sharply. “No. No, it’s going to be extremely entertaining. For me, anyway.” Puerilis clapped his hooves. "Seriously, a big round of applause for Death himself, in some parts of the multiverse at least, and his lovely wife!” There was a scream and a loud thud from somewhere. “Watch out though, this can be a pretty rough joint! If those two don't get you, your bar tab might!" +++ And as madness was breaking forth in Los Pegasus, elsewhere in Equestria: *** "Mistress!" The new military commander of Swarm Chrysalis saluted his queen. She bared her snaggle fangs in a smile as she looked over the hoard of True Changelings before her. All with perfect ebon carapaces, fangs bared, lean and starved and vicious. "The Swarm is ready to fly on your command!" Chrysalis laughed as she dreamed of finally, finally taking her revenge on the lowly cattle that had balked her so many times. She used her magic to pick up one last figurine from her days of, ugh, playing with those filthy ponies. Pinkie Pie and Rarity had hoof-made it for her, of her epic level half-succubus sorcerer-rogue. As it melted in her magic, she said just one word. *** Elsewhere in Grogar's cavern, two fillies played a game of chess. Right now they were using stone pieces, but they would soon be playing it with real live ponies. "Cozy Glow," Ira gave her best friend in the world a hug, "how long before we watch my big brother and his allies destroy the Crystal Empire and turn Flurry Heart into our mind-controlled playmate?" She pointed excitedly at the 'toys' they would use on Flurry and the others, things not normally seen outside of a torture chamber. Cozy Glow gave Ira the biggest and most innocent smile ever as she unknowingly repeated what Chrysalis said. *** In another chamber, Tirek laughed as he used his magic to incinerate that silly game the pink annoyance had played with him and his traitor brother. "I can't wait to see the look on her revolting face when I do that to her copy, right in front of her eyes! When I let her see how much good all her sickening sweetness did!" He cackled and rubbed his massive hands together with glee. "And then that traitor Scorpan. I'll serve him as I did Vorak and Haydon!" His eyes glowed as he remembered their final screams. "I can't wait for it to happen!" He repeated what the other two had said. *** In one last final chamber, Grogar scowled into his copy of the speaking mirror he'd given to the resurrected Storm King. "Well? Is your army ready yet or not?" "Oh, hey, it's going great!" The Storm King cackled and rubbed his paws together. Behind him a horde of Yetis marched onto his new airships, eager to sack and burn. Two of them dragged a shackled Tempest and Grubber along. The Storm King sneered to see them. "I'll be keeping my two backstabbers close, no need to let them get away. I should be hitting Griffonstone first to take out any allies Equestria has there and then it's right for Canterlot. Moving along the coast inside a storm cloud to keep things quiet, like you suggested," when Grogar cocked an eyebrow, the Storm King's face broke into a disgusted snarl as he added, "Master." "Very well," Grogar snapped. "Just follow my plan and maybe this time you won't end up a shattered statue in Canterlot." He prepared to break the link, but stopped and sneered, "Are you not a loyal slave?" The Storm King's face turned purple, veins bulging in his eyes, before he bowed and choked out, "Yes, master." Grogar broke that connection and set another. His brow turned black as a thundercloud when he saw a donkey playing a game of solitaire. "Bray! You idiot!" The donkey choked, tried to prostrate himself, and set the cards away all at once. Grogar just coldly asked, "Are my armies ready to march?" "Of course, oh Mighty Master of All," Bray said obsequiously as he tried to somehow press himself even deeper into the cracks of the stone floor beneath him. He dared to look up. "When shall I command them to open the gate and invade Equestria?" Grogar said what Chrysalis had said, what Cozy Glow and Tirek had said. "Soon. Very, very soon!" ++++ In their cavernous sweatshop, The clone, Meanjack asked, "So, Twilight, when are we NOT gonna rise up and either get our freedom from Chrysalis, or die trying so at least we can say we died free?" Mean Twilight said darkly, "Soon... and on all these damn creatures, mortals and gods alike, who have treated us, and those like us, like we aren't even alive... Revenge on them, ALL!" ++++ Rainbow Dash waved, and said jovially, "Hey, as Scootaloo's biological parents, and the mares who were bucking supposed to be looking after her, not hoofing her off to different care takers six days off the week, and it turns out you moving to Ponyville wasn't that big a deal and you could have done it before hoof before Scootaloo had to make a big deal out of it, and NONE OF YOU noticed that Scootaloo had put out the paperwork to be adopted by MY family instead.... I just want to say I'm finally ready to settle this... or rather, my lawyer is, Celestia personally suggested him." "Hello, I am Ponythulu of Ponythulu and Dagon at Law... I will be defending Miss Rainbow Dash's case of her family having legal guardianship of Miss Scootaloo... " The ominous Outer God's shadow loomed over Scootaloo's biological family. +++ "So how did it go?" Soarin' asked. He and Rainbow Dash now sitting at a Wonderbolts favored Saltlick. Rainbow Dash said, "Well... they summoned Nyarlathotrot to be THEIR lawyer... the court house nearly got sucked onto planes of existence with no name and nearly absorbed by the Blind Idiot Concept... And the five Princesses all got together and this cool epic cosmic battle that you had to be there to see!" "The Princesses all did something cool and I missed it?! DAMMIT!" "Yep!" Rainbow nodded. "And long story short, the universe wasn't destroyed, and Scootaloo is now legally my sister, her biological family still has full visitation rights... And... mom and dad moved to Ponyville... but thankfully they're now focused on giving Scootaloo the encouragement she deserves." "Sounds like things managed to work out great for you," Lightning Dust said, still wearing her support Wonderbolts uniform. She wasn't sure how to talk about the strange nightmares she'd been having lately, of being thrown out of the Wonderbolts instead of just being demoted, forming her own team, and stealing Scootaloo from Rainbow Dash with incredibly dangerous stunts... and then some ghostly wolf coming along and eating her... Thank Celestia they were just nightmares. +++ "Locust," Chrysalis said. "Yes my queen." "You have stayed loyal to me when nearly all my children abandoned and betrayed me and were bewitched and corrupted... " Chrysalis sighed. "Before the invasion begins, I want you to take Pupa, and my other heirs, take a detachment of my new children with you... And leave Equestia until such time as it is under our complete control, or I have been utterly defeated." Locust startled. "My queen... why?" "I will not have my most precious babies corrupted like nearly all of our kind has been. If I am defeated or," Chrysalis shivered. "Corrupted. I am trusting you to raise them into the oncoming storm that the next generation of ponies will fear. If I am to be denied victory, I will ensure that Twilight Sparkle's battle to keep peace in her realm will be a never-ending one." Locust hesitated, but bowed. "As my queen commands me." "And if I am victorious," Chrysalis held up a book titled 'The Real Story of Daring Do' by Ahuizotl, "The SECOND thing I'm doing after turning Starlight Glimmer into an loveless husk is get this STUPID book declared non-canon!" Locust, as a fan of Daring Do himself, said, "For that alone my queen, I wish for nothing short but total victory for you!" +++ "FINALLY THEY GOT THE SWIMMING BUGS FIXED!" Human Rainbow Dash declared epically. "Then let's do this!" Princess Twilight declared. And they completed the start of the seapony/merpony Quest again, only this time, they were successful in getting past the water tutorial stage, and placed in the mass Seapony vs Merpony battle, intended to last until the party could reunite with each other, (a hard task since they were made to look like mook enemies to each other, to drive home the point of how war blinds us) and get the two sides to realize their 'advisors' had tricked them into this war. "Oooooh Princess Twilight!" Came Adagio's singsong voice. Twilight groaned. "How in the Tartarus did you get my voice chat for World of Horsecraft?" "That's for me to know," Adagio said sweetly, like the attractive scent of a carnivorous plant. "The point is... we may or may not have learned something that might be vital for your survival as a species..." "What?" Twilight asked. Adagio wasn't never one to make those kind of bluffs. "Uh uh uh!" Twilight say Adagio's WoH character do the finger-wag emote that was still in testing, but for employees like herself (and Princess Twilight) they were allowed its use early. "If you want to know, you'll going to have to make some concessions." "... What?" "I'm not bloody dying of old age on this bloody alien world!" Adagio snarled. "AS A GODDESS BOUND BY YOUR WORD (and that stupid Pinkie Promise): you will annul any so-called crimes your kind might have against us, and allow us to return to the rest of Father Dagon's sirens, and rejoin the rest of our kind in the Dark Ocean." "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" "Your choice princess... but I promise you, on my word as a daughter of Father Dagon and Mother Hydra, you WILL regret not taking me up on my generous offer! So I SERIOUSLY suggest you take me up on this VERY fair trade! I will tell you everything I know, as is the spirit of our agreement, and you do as I wish you to do, as is the spirit of our agreement. No tricks of words. We just want to go home, and YOU just want your friends to keep on living!"