• Member Since 1st Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago

Admiral Biscuit


Axe Body Spray: Confounding ponies since 1983.

T
Source

You're just an ordinary guy, living an ordinary life. But your life changes one miserable Monday, when you arrive home to find an unexpected visitor in your house: specifically, you discover Twilight Sparkle in your bed.

Things go downhill fast.

And she's just your first visitor.


Tags and contributing authors will be added as needed. A couple new chapters will be added daily until the well runs dry. Continuity is overrated, so don't complain about it. It's a thematic collab, not a big budget Hollywood movie where there are never any continuity errors.
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Chapters (72)
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Comments ( 2193 )

Anyway, I hadn't even considered that these might all follow an ongoing narrative featuring the same human character. I think only one of my ideas fits this, and that's with a bit of reworking. Still, I think I can make the Rainbow Dash one work. We'll see what I can come up with in the morning.

So, is this how Equestria got porn? I hear there's this special kind of hell for that individual, it seems to revolve around finding a new pony in their bed over and over again as the levels of awkwardness and shame (for the human) ratchet ever higher. Naturally, NO ONE can know about the ponies because governments love to dissect cute ponies, thus Scoobydoo-like shenanigans must be performed to keep all of humanity from discovering them in the house-- or, god forbid, the winged ones finding an open window and flittering outside in broad daylight.

If he's smart, he should quickly neuter his computer before ponies discover the internet and all the far, far.... FAR more deviant porn only a mouse click away. Especially those "Rho-dee-ohs". Grown stallions, tall as Princess Celestia herself, all musclebound and slick with barely constrained power, wearing (*gasp*) leather saddles, with so many straps pulled (oh my) so (*hnng*) tight. And a human! Clinging to their back, holding on for dear life as the god of a stallion tries to throw them off! Around and around, hind legs kicking, those mighty glutes' flexing, foamy flecks of sweat and dirt flung everywhere-!



Hmm, on second thought, he might as well just get the mares a box of tissues and avoid the room... :rainbowderp:

eat it it home

Second it should be "at".

This was cool, though. :pinkiehappy:

A Twilight Sparkle on my bed? No wai! :pinkiegasp:

I peg her with my drink and then bodily assault her with pillows for defiling my most holy of holy locations.

What do you mean this isn't a voting story?

A wonderful twist would be "you" realizing that there's no way to escape either the awful explanation or going to hell, so you just launch into explaining porn. And saying that porn is why we wear clothes, or something like that.

Twilight, of course, and despite gleefully absorbing all the new information, dives into a nearby pile of clothes, coming out adorned like a pony-sized pile of assorted cloth with a muzzle on one end, and not leaving it until she goes home. (Or some hijink conspires to remove her protection from all things humanosexual.)

Twilight Sparkle. In my room. :rainbowhuh: The fuck is this.

I resent the implication that this is all my fault when the blog followup conclusively proved it was all Samey90's fault. Also the one where I apparently have to be some ordinary guy. Now and forever, I reverse the right to be some not-so-ordinary girl.

Nyah-nyah.

I'll work on mine today and try to have it in your mailbox by this evening.

Now this ends up setting the tone for 2015 for all of us.

5449010 I would tap that with the force of a thousand suns.

I'm interested. I'd enjoy seeing how much worse this guy's life can get.

Oh man, stop looking through my eyes! IT BURNS! :raritydespair:

A crappy shift at Hell work 'Welcome to walmart! Get your shit and get out!', and coming home to Twilight in bed?

"Aw man, Twilight's lameballs. No Dash?" At which point I'd evict her from bed, but proceed to share a bong my drink with her.

And then idly wonder if the tab had kicked in yet. xD

5449266
Hmm, does it mean that I'll have to contribute here? :pinkiehappy:

And Fimfiction starts the New Year off with a story meme.
*standing ovation*

5448728
Short story is Estee made a blog post with a list of dumb "X is in your bed" ideas which were strangely compelling, and several of us decided to make a collab project out of it. So I got it started, and then we'll just wait for other chapters to roll in.

It's gonna be a wild ride.

5448834
You don't have to. I think it's funnier if everything happens to the same guy, but if it won't work for your story premise, that's fine, too. You or I can just put in a bit of a transition so the reader isn't confused (Meanwhile, in a bed in Canterlot. . . ) or something like that.

I think the story will be better if people's creativity isn't rigidly constrained. Heck, I may wind up being the only one writing about 'you.'

5449001
Correction made; thank you!

5448875
One interpretation might be that since ponies are normally nude, they wouldn't consider a magazine like Playboy to be porn. In fact, they might think that the models are showing off clothes ('cause they wear them in some pictures, and there's also a guy's fashion section).

Or our protagonist could have just ruined Equestria.

5449010

What do you mean this isn't a voting story?

Feel free to add a chapter. The more authors who contribute, the funnier (and randomer) this thing will be.

5449020
Thanks! I'm looking forward to seeing what other authors come up with myself.

5449190
Thank heavens she can't use a keyboard with hooves. Not unless she gets a "dexterity enhancer."

5449224

Twilight Sparkle. In my room. :rainbowhuh: The fuck is this.

It's freaking magic, that's what it is!

5449266

I resent the implication that this is all my fault when the blog followup conclusively proved it was all Samey90's fault.

Agreed. The blog proves you're not at fault, and neither am I.

Also the one where I apparently have to be some ordinary guy. Now and forever, I reverse the right to be some not-so-ordinary girl.

This is the internet; you can be whatever you want. :pinkiehappy:

I'll work on mine today and try to have it in your mailbox by this evening.

Yay!

5449304

Now this ends up setting the tone for 2015 for all of us.

I hit the publish button before midnight, so for me it capped off 2014.
Well, it was mostly before midnight.

Oh God, what have I done?

<starts sobbing>

5449351
If you read through the prompts on Estee's blog, it can get worse. Much, much worse.

5449533
You're gonna get blamed for the whole thing. You might as well add a chapter.

5449806

And Fimfiction starts the New Year off with a story meme.
*standing ovation*

I don't regret this.

5449880
I'm afraid it'll be called "Vinyl Scratch Is in Your Bed, Lighting It On Fire"...

You're just an ordinary guy, living an ordinary life

Twilight Sparkle in bed?

Oh well, at least its, One Night In BangKok :twilightblush:

Would you like to play a game?

How about a nice game, of Chess.:trollestia:

5449893
Ah, a good question. Here are the rules.
Basically, in a nutshell, write a silly "Pony in Bed" story and then PM me the gDoc link. Actually, it doesn't have to be a pony, either; it can be any canon creature in Equestria. Ideally, chapter titles will take the form Estee set out in the blog post:
Rainbow Crashes Into Your Bed
Applejack Refuses To Let You Go To Bed
Twilight Compulsively Makes Your Bed
Rarity Redesigns Your Bed
Pinkie Pie Has Turned Your Bed Into A Play Castle
Spike Just Set Your Bed On Fire
Fluttershy Is Hiding Under Your Bed.
But that's not mandatory.

5449868
I will try to write mine tonight. It is going to be exactly as stupid as the foundation calls for.

5449904
I'm okay with that. We can't have just innocent pianos being destroyed, after all.

5449912
I wonder if a chapter titled Princess Celesita and Luna Are In Your Bed Playing Chess would work? Hmm.

5449951

By the way:
“Your life becomes more and more of an adventure,” you mumble, mentally adding “in bed.”
That is a genuinely funny line.

I actually read through a list of actual fortune cookie fortunes.

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