Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed

by Admiral Biscuit

You are In Twilight Sparkle's Bed (TheGypsyBard)

You Are In Twilight Sparkle's Bed
TheGypsyBard

I’m… not quite sure how to take this situation.

Somehow, someway, in a weird, inconceivable twist of pure irony, you have landed smack dab in the middle of Twilight Sparkle’s bed. No, not metaphorically, either. You were about to clock out of your stupid job and head home, dreading what pony you would find there this time, and suddenly the ground disappeared and your head became your butt. Then you hit her bed face-first, which still hurt like hell, even on a bed.

Now you are just trying to make sense of what happened. You look around the room, throwing aside your bafflement so you can attempt to rationalize the present issue. Based on what you know of the show, this is indeed Twilight Sparkle’s bedroom. Not many other ponies have books piled up in the shape of a throne with quills attached to the top with alternating parchment rolls like some pseudo-Iron Throne.

Then a thought occurs to you.

I don’t have to go to work anymore.

Holy. Shit.

You practically spring out of the bed, dancing wildly with your arms flailing erratically at your sides, stepping in furious sequence at irregular intervals in unpredictable patterns. After about half a minute of utter tomfoolery, you stop, fall face-first into the bed once more.

I’m also stuck in a world full of ponies… great…

Dreading the inevitable concourse of facing the mass of equines, you feel content to simply wallow in your self-pity, reflecting on life. Then you just wallow, because thinking is both boring and tedious. Actually, scratch that, you just plain exist in the confines of what could be considered the bed for the next hour or so.

. That is right about the time that a certain purple unicorn pushes her way in-

“Twilight, are you up here? Hello?”

The small green and purple reptile steps out from behind the large oaken door, stopping as soon as his eyes met with your’s. He looks surprised at first, then curious.

“Uh… have you seen Twilight?”

“...No. You’re not even the slight bit curious what I’m doing in her bed?”

“I’ve seen stranger. Tell her I went to the market if she comes back.” And with that, he retreated back outside from whence he came, leaving you feeling even more befuddled than before, unable to grasp the importance of his unexpected visit this strange creature that lives in Equestia. His true purpose might never be known, it seems.

Not one to waste a golden opporti- nope, couldn’t do it with a straight face. You got bored sitting there doing nothing, so you decided to poke through her shit. After the precarious task of pulling yourself out of the comfortable bed, you set to the task of searching each and every nook and cranny that could possibly hide secret bonus points from you.

Stepping over to an armoire set against one wall, you pull open both doors, seeing what amounts to a normal clothing storage compartment. Then you wonder why ponies have this many clothes in the first place, when all they do is walk around naked. Must be a universal- or interdimensional- woman thing you conclude.

Finding nothing else of any true importance inside, you shut it and turn around to search the rest of the room. Describing the act of invasion of privacy is boring, so I won’t do it. Suffice to say, the worst you find is a small trinket with red and black designs and silver accents, looking like a depiction of one of the alicorn princesses, perhaps.

Pocketing that find, you move to the window now, simply gazing out over the town to take in where you have been dropped into. Ponies mill about in abject normalcy, doing whatever it is ponies do. Probably acting as background characters for the important ones. You can see the most ponies towards where you suspect the market is, so that must be true.

How am I going to survive this nightmare?

Probably just like how you survived chili night at Uncle Dan’s. That was a fun night. Anyway, getting back on track-

Hold on, how did you know about Uncle Dan? And who are you?

Oh dear, it seems you have somehow gained semi-omniscience, enough to shatter the fourth wall of the story. Your head cocks to the side as your confusion spreads to your features, looking around for the voice seemingly narrating everything you do.

This is weird, weirder than ponies inexplicably finding their way into my bedroom every day you speak with your mind, the narrator already voicing your thoughts before you could utter a word. This makes you double take, even more lost than ever.

Ok, wise guy, how about you help me get back to Earth, huh? You beg with the utmost scorn, dismissing the narrator as a voice inside your cracked mindscape. You turn your head and spit on the flooring of the bedroom, cracking your knuckles and doing a ballerina twirl, trying to throw the Narrator off track unsuccessfully.

Then you trip and fall and die.

Immediately following this statement, you nearly accomplish just that, jumping onto the bed as if it would protect you from the loss of sentient life. Even as these words are written down with keyboard and fingers, you relax visibly, clutching your now racing heart as you realiz death is still yet to come.

Alright, enough of this crap. Why does it sound like I’m in some dumb story being told to others? Why can’t I find my way out of here? Indeed, every time you attempted to head for the exit to the room, you somehow lost sight of it, or otherwise failed at the task. Walking with newfound tenacity, you run towards the wall of the room, stopping to look upward at the ceiling.

Now you’re talking in present tense. you would utter with vocal cords of iron, shaking the very air around your space as your voice permeates its resistant waves.

That doesn’t make sense, and you changed tense again. Doth thou seeketh a challenge in thine own home? Speak naught these ill conceived words lest ye be wrought before the ire of thy patron gods.

See, now you just sound like Ye Olde English. Plus you just spoke directly at me. You lose the ability to think and fall into a state of permanent death.Thanks to the days of winter, you earned enough experience to boast a second life, returning without any prior damage.

Ok, seriously, enough. This game or whatever it is has been completely worn dry. I just want to go home, deal with whatever monster might be lurking in my bedroom, and sleep.

There is nothing but a deep silence for many minutes, not even your own voice able to shatter the quiet discontent. WIth a whistle and a rush of hot air, you find yourself in the alley outside your apartment complex, blinking your eyes as you try to think why your head aches so, and you have a paranoid feeling of being watched.

“Ugh..” you say to yourself aloud, “I really need to get a decent night’s rest.. these ponies are going to be the death of me.” WIth that valid statement birthed, you open the door and walk inside the gloomy hovel, preparing yourself for the next challenge that awaits you inside.

Comments

[Shachza]

You... You could have done so much tomfoolery with this chapter.

Imagine doing Twilight's initial arrival in your bed, but in reverse, and with knowledge of that initial encounter. Purposely looking around for her porn collection just so you can arrange it in plain sight all over the place like you were researching it back. Keeping her measuring tape on hand so you can "innocently" be measuring her favorite "toy" when she walks in. Have her frilliest saddle pulled out and on display nearby. Y'know... Spend some quality time just messing with her head so we could all laugh at her apoplexy.

[Zombificus]

I can't help the feeling that so much potential was wasted in this one by taking the 'protagonist argues with narrator' route, which I have to say was not done as well as it could have. Not a bad chapter at any rate, just disappointing compared to what it might have been.

[poisonflame616]

I swear there was more then three walls when this story started

[sbloom85]

as you realiz

realize

WIth that valid statement birthed

Unnecessary capital letter.

This chapter reminded me of Duck Amuck

[MythrilMoth]

This chapter was garbage.

Future authors: Can we NOT do all this fourth-wall bullshit, please? It isn't clever. It isn't funny. It's stupid, it's annoying, and most of you have absolutely no clue how to do it right.

Let's go back to the core concept of assorted ponies doing assorted things in a human guy's bed, and leave all this weird "look I'm clever" shit on the manure pile where it belongs.

[The Space Butterfly]

...
*Sigh.*

[clubbzz]

So much great potential for payback against Twilight wasted with a running fourth wall gag.

[jazzie366 FLUFFKIN]

5491336 Good, we need more recruits.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I'm normally all for metafictional shenanigans, but this was a major missed opportunity for a role reversal, especially since it's Twilight's bed, that of the pony with whom this all started. Plus, it just wasn't that funny.

[Nikita]

5492056 Someone make this happen. I don't care that there is already "in Twilight's bed" chapter. It is pony destiny to have a human randomly pop into their beds.

[SuperWeegeeWorld]

'Nightmare Moon has claimed your bed in the name of eternal night.'

Somebody write that. Please, for the love of all things pony, somebody write that. I would, but I suck as a writer.

[Podacious]

"When suddenly, the Writer suffered a fatal heart attack, and the 28th chapter, was no more"
[youtube=mGtCrGdlKYI]

[sokesamurai]

Reminded me of "Twilight vs. The Narrator" a small bit.

[TheGypsyBard]

5492640

You're right, I could have!

...

[tsaukpaetra]

I am dissapoint.

[Nyerguds]

“Uh… have you seen Twilight?”

“...No. You’re not even the slight bit curious what I’m doing in her bed?”

“I’ve seen stranger.”

Oh my~! Twilight, you naughty filly!

You got bored sitting there doing nothing, so you decided to poke through her shit. After the precarious task of pulling yourself out of the comfortable bed, you set to the task of searching each and every nook and cranny that could possibly hide secret bonus points from you.

Find her erotic literature! Just for the sake of payback!

Now you’re talking in present tense. you would utter with vocal cords of iron, shaking the very air around your space as your voice permeates its resistant waves.

Um. There was never any tense switch. Everything there is present tense, except for this conditional part which arguably didn't actually happen. Even your meta-jokes fall flat, mate

Errors I spotted:
> "as you realiz death is still yet to come."
Should be "realize".
> You lose the ability to think and fall into a state of permanent death.Thanks to the days of winter
Needs a space between these two sentences.
> WIth that valid statement birthed
Should be "With".

5493106
Notion accepted!

[EquesTRON]

5492056
*sigh*... Dammit, now I'm sorely tempted to actually write that...

[kooarbiter]

*joins hate bandwagon*

no, but seriously, why did the first human in a pony's bed chapter have nothing to do with ponies (argueably), this was more disapointing than a spike episode

I won't ask you to retcon this biscuit, but I hope you add some kind of screening process for chapters in the same way the site does for publication, one meta joke is fine every now and again, but this was too much

[Kodi_the_brony]

TYPO ALERT

WIth a whistle and a rush of hot air, you find yourself in the alley outside your apartment complex

I think you meant with

[Lancerlot]

But, hey... At least he got back home unharmed, and in possession of the Alicorn Amulet.
Of course, that "possession" thing might go the other way eventually... These things happen.

[Chicago Ted]

5778348
"Naturally, we are professionals, so don't try this at home."

GOD DAMMIT DISCORD! GET THE ████ OFF MY ACCOUNT!