Second Epilogue: Big Mac and Shining Armor are in your Bed (and Exhausted) (ROBCakeran53)
Big Mac and Shining Armor are in your Bed (and Exhausted) —ROBCakeran53
8 years.
It had been some of the most peaceful time you’d had since all the chaos had come about you, your home, and what little remained of your bed.
You got a better job, better vehicle. You’ve managed a couple girlfriends, the latest one you even happily married some 3 years ago now.
Gosh how time flies.
The only thing constant was you stayed in your old, small apartment. Your wife is fine with it, since neither of you have a need for anything bigger. You converted your old gaming room into a nursery for your little daughter, who is now 18 months.
Currently, both your wife and daughter are visiting her mother for an early, extended weekend. They should be back sometime Sunday, so that leaves you with this Friday evening after work for one of relaxation, time to yourself, and maybe even bust out the old N64 for some Super Mario 64.
Nothing could beat the classics, man.
You had your entire evening mapped out, planned, and you just needed to get out of your work clothes. So naturally, you entered your apartment, kicked off your shoes, and went right for the bedroom. You thought it was weird the bedroom light was on, seeing it glow under the door, but maybe you just forgot.
Or maybe your wife stopped in because she forgot something.
Or maybe your wife managed to leave your daughter with her mother for an evening and… had something planned on her own.
Now with a possible detour for your planned evening, you hastily power walk to the bedroom, excitement in your steps as you can only picture your beautiful wife in one of her more… risque nightgowns. You haven't seen one of those since your second anniversary.
Gripping the door handle, you open it hastily, already imagining what sexy poses she could possibly be-
Aaaand now we’re back to the present, where it has been 8 years since you’d seen one of those blasted ponies.
And they’re back.
Strangely, you realize, not on a Tuesday, a fact in which haunted your every Tuesday for several years since the last one had shown up.
Two stallions, and you’re sure of this because of their obviously larger and more muscular build, and the white one is laying belly up so he’s on full display. In fact, you think you recognize this one.
The red, not so much, but he seems to be facing away, on his side.
Both are fast asleep, manes and tails a mess of knots and… is that baby food?
You know this look. Their eyes look sunken even at rest. Faces contorted into barely a smile as they finally have some respite.
These are two fathers, and they are tired.
However, that just leaves one problem…
They are in your bed.
“Ahem,” you cough loudly, enough so you see both of their ears twitch.
Slowly, the red one lifts his head to take stock of his surroundings.
The white one (who’s name you are forgetting) simply opens his bleary eyes, and stares at the ceiling.
“Candy, if that’s you, please no more. I’m only one stallion.”
“Eenope,” says the red one, who then finally notices you, sighs, and lays his head back onto the pillow (which is yours, so the white one is on your wife’s).
“No, I’m not… okay no, just… why are you here? Now? I just want to enjoy my little bit of free time, away from my wife and child,” you plead.
“And why do you think we’re here?” belly up says with a flick of his tail.
“Eeyup,” big red says in agreement.
“I remember you,” you point to the white one, “but not you,” you then point to the red one.
“Yeah, we met. I’m Shining Armor. This guy here is my OnO buddy, Big Mac.”
Big Mac waves a hoof nonchalantly.
“So, why exactly are you here then?” you ask.
“Mac is here because he’s tired from running a farm and taking care of a 11 month old,” Shining says.
“Eeyup,” Mac agrees.
“And I’m here because my daughter is a hellion of a teenager, and my wife wants another one.”
It’s quiet as you allow this information to process. So far, neither pony has tried to move at all. You’re pretty sure Shining hasn’t even blinked yet.
“Alright. That’s… understandable I suppose. But… why here?”
Shining shrugs, which is weird to see on a miniature horse.
“Right. Okay, so I get it. I really do, I have a 18 month old. But they’re not here, at the moment, so I wanted to have my own rest. You know, alone, no one bothering me. Peace and quiet.”
“There’s room between us,” Shining remarks.
“That sounds hella gay,” you argue.
“Eeyup,” Mac agrees.
“Besides,” you continue, finally entering the room and beginning to undress, “I’m not so much as tired, I just wanna have some fun. Do something I haven’t gotten to in ages.”
“Sleep?” Mac asked.
“Sit around and do nothing?” Shining also asked.
Now in your relaxing clothes, you throw the dirty clothes into the dirty laundry hamper for later. Then, you reach into the closet for a box.
“No, something even better.”
—-------
“Bullshit! You’re screen peeking!”
“Am not! Also Mac, nice shot.”
“Eeyup.”
“Urg, how can you two even play this so well with hooves?” you ask.
You three are sitting on the floor in your living room, each with a controller in your hands (or hooves), playing GoldenEye on the N64.
And you’re currently losing.
With a sigh, you take another drink of your beer. At least, you think this one is yours? There’s so many cans laying around you’re not even sure anymore. You only know it’s not Mac’s because after he finishes one, he crunches it against his head.
You thought he was trying to show off, so you attempted it too, with slightly bloody results. Apparently, it wasn’t the case, as it was just a habit of his. You’re just glad you bought beer cans, and not bottles.
You shrug to yourself, and chug the last of the can, then toss it towards the pile you three have been making. At one point it was a tower, but after Shining threw his remote once, that collapsed and made a mess.
Picking up your controller again, you go to move around a corner, when you’re expertly taken out again.
“Urg,” you put the controller down, and lean back against the couch front. “This is dumb. You have hooves, and these controllers were designed by the devil himself.”
Both equines shrug, and you watch as Mac pulls off another expert shot, taking out Shining Armor for the last time, and winning the match.
“How are you even this good at this game?” you ask.
“Yeah, I’m kinda wondering too,” Shining sets his controller down, then stands up.
“I dunno,” Mac responds.
Shining walks to the kitchen, and you hear your fridge open from the small kitchen. “Uh, guys, we have a problem.”
“What?” you ask.
“We’re out of beer.”
That’s definitely a problem. You look at the clock, and realize it’s already 9 at night.
“Well, we could go get more,” you say.
“‘nd whiskey?” Mac asks.
Seriously, he had killed the fifth of Jack in literally an hour. That, plus all the beer you guys drank, how is he even alive?
“Yeah, sure. But I’m also getting bored of this, and this is the only more than 2 player game I got for this thing.”
“So what do you suppose? I’m actually quite wired now, not tired anymore,” Shining says as he walks back to the living room. “Mac? How about you?”
“Eeyup. I’m awake, feelin’ pretty good.”
You now have your phone out, looking at a few things local to do.
Then, you see it. It’s so obvious, how you hadn’t thought of it before. This is literally a guys night.
“Okay, I got an Uber on the way. I have a mostly paid off credit card in my wallet. Gonna throw on some casual clothes, and we’re going out,” you say as you stand up.
“Where are we going?” Shining asks.
Big Mac looks at you with a raised eyebrow.
“Where else?”
—-------
Stupid traffic, you curse as you look at the clock in your car.
You had wanted to get home early enough to surprise your husband, have a nice evening with just the two of you. Your mother was super supportive, and loved the chance to fawn over her granddaughter for the evening and morning.
You were making good time on the road, but then there was an accident on I-75, and next thing you knew, you were stuck for a whole 2 extra hours in traffic.
It’s pushing midnight as you pull into the parking lot. You see your husband’s car still there, so that’s at least a good sign.
You exit your car, lock it with the fob. Walk up the steps, second floor, enter the hallway. You have your apartment key already in hand, and you unlock the door, enter the strangely lit living room, and step in.
“Honey? Are you up?” you ask.
“They’re not here,” says a strange, female voice.
You freeze in your tracks, and immediately red flags start popping up. Why is there another woman in your apartment, when you know your husband’s alone? Why does the room stink like beer? Why is there now a pretty pink pony with horn and wings staring at you like you’re the weird one? Why are there now TWO of them, only the other is shorter, no wings, and a darker pink, probably purple, color?
“Oh, we weren’t expecting you,” the bright pink one says.
“Where could they have gone?” the purple one asks, looking worried.
“Uh, I’m sorry, but what… who… no, what? I’m confused,” you say, confused.
“Our husbands went missing earlier today,” says the purple one.
“I traced them to here. It’s been a while but I remembered the way.”
You blink, and then something… just kind of clicks in your brain. A memory, a passing story, or you thought at the time a terrible joke.
“Wait a second… you’re… ponies? Like, the ones my husband told me about. Holy shit you’re real?”
The pink one nods. “Yes, I’ve been here before, so has my husband.”
“I’m new here, and I think so is my husband,” says purple.
“Oh! Our manners! My name is Cadance, and this is Sugar Belle. Our husbands are Shining Armor and Big Macintosh, respectively.”
“Uh, nice to meet you both, I think?” you’re honestly not sure.
“So, would you know where our husbands could have run off to? I figured it was to get some rest, but we found a lot of empty beer cans in here,” says Cadance.
“I’m just so worried. He’s never done anything like this before,” says Sugar Belle.
Cadance places a wing over Sugar’s back. “It’s okay, this sort of thing happens. Shining did it a few times to me when Flurry was a foal.”
“You’re mothers, too?” you ask, surprised.
Both nod their heads.
Sugar Belle smiles, “Ours is 11 months.”
“And ours is now a rowdy, out of control 13 year old,” says Cadance.
“Ours is 18 months, my mother is watching her.”
Both mares nod in agreement.
“Trying to make this a special night?” Cadance asks with a knowing smirk.
You can’t help but blush at that.
“Well, so were we, hence why it was so strange they were not home, and it’s more strange they aren’t here either,” Cadance says, tapping a hoof to her chin.
Just then, your phone gives off an alert. Reaching into your purse, you pull it out and see what it is.
It’s a possible fraud alert on your credit card. The one that you specifically told your husband was only for emergencies.
You then see where it’s being charged, and the grip on your phone almost cracks the glass. Begrudgingly, you hit ‘Yes this is me’.
“I know where they are,” you growl, then place your phone back in your purse.
“Really? Great!” Sugar Belle says happily.
However, it seems Cadance can tell you’re not looking too happy about this information. “A bar?” she asks.
You shake your head, then motion for the two mares to follow.
“Even worse.”
—-------
The place is dark as dark could be, save for all the purple lights causing many things to glow and lighten up the place enough to see. Loud music booms all around, and you can’t help but let your eyes linger as one waitress passes by, her thong glowing from the lights.
“I gotta say, I’ve been to a dress up club before, but never the opposite!” Shining Armor exclaims with a drunken smile.
Big Mac shares a similar drunken smile, his eyes glossed over, but still constantly following the barely dressed ladies.
“I still find that idea very strange,” you slur, but don’t care if they can’t understand you.
Then again, it was also strange the bouncer even let the two stallions in. Like, he’d seen some shit, and just knew by the three’s expressions that they needed this.
Still, the drinks were flowing, the girls were fine, and the three guys were having the time of their life.
Suddenly, you felt two hands touch your shoulders, and begin to sensually rub them.
“Oh ho ho! Feeling touchy are you? You know, Sparkle, I said that I was married.”
The hands then gripped your shoulders. A bit tight to be sensual, but maybe she was just trying to be forward.
The back of your booth was also quite strange for a place to stand behind you, but whatever, your alcohol flooded mind couldn’t care less.
“Man, I thought you said there were no ponies here!” Shining Armor says with a sigh.
“There aren’t, man, I told you. This is us getting a break from the wives, so don’t spoil it now,” you say.
It’s only then you look ahead of you, and notice Big Mac’s eyes were large, wide, and teaming with fear.
“Dude, what’s your problem?,” you say jokingly. “I told the girls that you’re both married too, so there wouldn’t be no weird hands on experiences. That is, unless one thing leads to another. Bro code, you know, don’t tell the wives, haha!”
Suddenly, those hands on your shoulders turned into death grips, nails digging into your skin.
“Woah woah! Sparkle what-” you stop when you look up, and see the upside down face of your wife glaring daggers at you.
You look to your side, and see Shining Armor in the same situation with his wife, her hooves on his shoulders as she just looks at him with a grin.
You look back to Mac, and now he has a purple pony (probably his wife) sitting next to him, facing him full on, muzzle inches from the side of his head as she gives him the biggest stink eye ever. Her horn is pointed at him in a threatening manner. Sweat trickles down the side of his face.
You gulp, then look back up to your wife.
“So… you ladies wanna join us?”
—-------
Your eyes are blurry, but you slowly wake up, realizing you’re on your couch. On the floor, you see a big red blur, and in the recliner, a white one.
What the Hell happened last night? You remember going to the strip club, having a good time… and now your shoulders really hurt. Also the side of your head, like you’d been punched.
Now you also smell bacon. And other breakfast foods.
You groan, for it is the only thing you’re capable of doing.
“Oh look, one of them is alive,” you hear a… strangely familiar voice say.
It reminds you of pink, for some reason.
“Which one is it?” another strange voice, obviously female, asks with a giggle snort.
“I think mine,” is your wife’s reply.
…
YOUR WIFE!?
You bolt upright, kicking the red pony on the floor accidentally, which causes him to buck his legs, sending beer cans flying everywhere. White blob bolts upright in the recliner, causing it to rock forward, and sending him to the floor on its muzzle.
As your eyes clear, you realize it’s Big Mac and Shining Armor. And those other voices were their wives. And that last one was your wife.
Slowly, you turn around on the couch, and spy all three in the kitchen. Well, you see your wife obviously, but the other two you just see the tops of their heads as they scurry around the counter dividing the kitchen from the living room.
“You boys get cleaned up for breakfast now, okay?” your wife continues, not looking up from the stove top. “We have a long day planned.”
The two ponies giggle together, and you suddenly have this dread feeling wash over you.
“Oh no, what did we do?” Shining Armor asks, finally righting himself on the floor.
“Not dead at least,” drawls Mac as he surveys the carnage of beer cans around himself.
The purple pony suddenly walks into the living room, a trash bag in her magical grip, and drops it on the floor.
“Take turns cleaning up, while the others start cleaning,” she says, giving each of you a glare, then trots back into the kitchen.
All three of you blink, look at each other, look at the open bathroom door, and all at once charge.
—-------
You sigh as you step out of the bathroom, freshly showered and feeling quite good.
Of the three, you were the slowest, so the last to get cleaned up, but it was worth it.
Other than having to unclog the drain of all the red and white hair.
And plunge the toilet.
And find more toothbrushes for everyone to use.
Now stepping away, you see the living room's been cleaned, and even the N64 appears to have been put away. No beer cans litter the floor, and you’re pretty sure you heard the vacuum at one point.
You make your way to the small dining area, where someone had apparently added the center leaf to the table and brought out the spare folding chairs. Big Mac and Shining are already seated, each with a seat open to their sides as they face each other.
Your wife also occupies one end of the table, which leaves the opposite end for you.
Quietly, you take your seat, placing your hands on the table top, then quickly removing them to put them in your lap.
All three of you guys are nervous.
Before anyone can speak, Sugar Belle (Mac told you her name while you two had started on the beer cans) takes her seat next to Mac, and Cadance trots up, wearing your grill apron that says “Kiss the Cook”, and floating several plates of food.
She has the biggest smile of anyone around the table.
With haste and precision, a plate is placed in each spot, silverware and the fancy cloth napkins we save for holidays join them. Then, lastly, all the food is placed in the center.
It looks like an all you can eat Golden Corral, only breakfast foods, and actually looking edible.
Your stomach growls, and you swore you heard the two stallions do the same.
Cadance takes her seat next to her husband, gives the nervous pony a kiss on his cheek, then clops her hooves together.
“Lets eat!” she says eagerly.
With gusto, the two mares and one female human start dishing up their foods. You three males allow them to fill up on what they want first, and then they look to you. Slowly, you begin to take some bacon, and Mac starts taking some scrambled eggs, and lastly Shining goes for the toast.
You each fill your plates modestly, and as you’re about to put the first slice of bacon in your mouth, your wife clears her throat.
“So, how was guys night?” she asks.
Your eyes grow in size, and you look to both stallions for support.
Both of their wives are giving each respective husband a look.
You know what? Screw it.
“It was a lot of fun!” you say cheerfully.
Everyone looks to you with surprise.
“First we played GoldenEye for several hours, chatted and drank beer the whole time.”
Your wife nods. “Yes, we saw the aftermath.”
You take a bite from your strip of bacon. Just lightly crispy, the way you love it.
“Then I got us an Uber and we went to a bar.”
“Was it a special kind of bar?” your wife asks, no hint of emotion in her voice.
You finish your bacon strip. “In fact, it was!”
Both Shining and Mac are looking at each other, practically sweating all the water out of them. Sugar Belle glares at Mac, while Cadance simply eats with a happy smile on her face.
“Care to share, what kind of bar it was?” your wife asks.
You butter your toast, then take a bite. You pretend to think about your answer as you chew.
Suddenly, Cadance dabs her napkin on her lips with magic, and still smiling, looks at her husband.
“It seems your friend can’t remember. Dear, do you remember?”
The poor stallion looks like he wants to cry.
However, it’s not him who speaks up next.
“Strip club,” Big Mac says with a defeated tone.
Suddenly your wife stands up, her chair flying back and falling to the ground with a clatter as she points a finger at you.
“You three jackasses went to a TITTY BAR and didn’t even THINK to invite us!?” she practically yells.
The two stallions blink, obviously confused.
You just look at them with a shrug.
“That’s where we met,” you say, pointing to yourself then your wife.
“I could have gotten you free drinks, I still have some pull there, but nooooo. You dumbasses go there and spend 780.00 dollars on a card with a 2% interest rate!”
You sigh, placing your face into your open palms.
“You didn’t touch any of them, did you?” Sugar Belle suddenly asks Mac, to which he shakes his head. “Did any of them touch you?”
Mac hesitates, and it’s all she needs to know.
With a huff, she stands from her seat and marches to your bedroom, with Mac hot on her hooves, trying to explain himself and apologize.
She promptly slams the door on his muzzle, and he continues to talk through the door.
Your wife has taken her seat again, grumbling as she eats, aggressively stabbing her food with a fork. “By the way, you three are taking us shopping at the mall. 780.00 dollars worth.”
You know what? Sure, you nod as you concede to the demand. You also start to eat, feeling strangely like you won this battle, although in the long run you probably lost, whatever it was.
Finally clearing her plate, Cadance looks to her husband who’s barely touched his food.
“Shiney, you need to eat up! I need you at your best for when we get home tonight,” she says, with half lidded eyes.
The stallion whines, shifting as if he’s trying to hide his lower self.
You look at the chaos around you, and smile at your wife.
“We should do this more often.”
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It only took me 6 years but here you turds and turdettes go.
Sugar Belle is a unicorn. How soon we forget.
Totally worth it, even having to go shopping.
Seven eighty, as in hundred? Aight, we were already never going to visit such an establishment (on our own dime) but if that's representative of a three-seat party were 428 times even more unlikely to even try it...
11723208
I am a monument to all stupidity.
Been corrected in gdoc, awaiting Admiral to adjust chapter post. Thanks for the catch!
"...Good point. Just move over a bit."
Legit questions.
It seems those three will be in big trouble very soon...
Well, that could have gone worse.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Scandalous and most excellent.
Just when I thought it was over, this story just keeps on giving
11776146
The ride never ends!
11817074
Indeed.
Well, that was a wild ride. I'm tracking this so-called "Complete" story, just in case somebody finally writes "Fluffle Puff is In Your Bed." (I'd do it, but I don't think I could do the character justice.)
Pink, fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows.
(I think the website I used to create the rainbow text has been taken down recently, but luckily, I saved it onto my laptop.)
Idea: "Sweetie Derelle is In Your Bed."
BWAAAAAA!
That meme might've died out years ago, but it's still funny.
11819849
I don't know if anyone ever will, but who knows. While the story was technically complete back in 2015, if you noticed chapter publication dates, I got additional submissions in 2016, 2022, and 2023.
As for writing the chapter yourself, why not give it a try and see what happens?
Hmm, I missed that one when it came out. I'll have to give it a read, sooner or later.
11826144
Sweetie Derelle apparently used to be a big thing on the internet. The image was used to hijack message threads. The idea for a chapter is just a random idea that popped into my head.
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/006/137/130856000524.jpg
There may not be a lot of Derelle fans on Fimfic, as I've only found that one story. The author never got around to posting a sequel, about SD living in a trashcan in Rarity's kitchen.
As for Fluffle Puff, I'm just disappointed that no one has written it yet. I wrote an experimental opening the other day, but was immediately bogged down in dialogue. There's a good reason why I write comments, not stories.
I'm still new here, so all the old ideas are new to me.
11826196
There's an interesting relationship between memes that transcend to FimFiction and ones that are exclusive to it. I suppose some internet/cultural anthropologist would have a field day with it. I have seen that image before, although I can't remember the exact context.
Well, that's just a matter of practice
True fact, I often write stuff and then decide I don't like it, but you can always fix things in editing. Some of my posted stories are version 3 or 4 or more of a particular story . . . sometimes writing something turns out to be a lesson in what won't work with the story idea IMHO.
Well, welcome aboard! Glad to have you! The rabbit hole is deep here