A Bottle Of Strawberry Fanta Is In Your Bed, And It's Definitely Not Celestia's Fault (ocalhoun)
A Bottle Of Strawberry Fanta Is In Your Bed, And It's Definitely Not Celestia's Fault
ocalhoun
Magic blipped and flashed again, filling my room with its presence. My girlfriend, Cindy, reappeared... with two black-clad security guards clenching her arms. They jumped as soon as they noticed the change, then stared at Celestia, who smiled down at them from on top of my bed.
One of the guards grabbed a radio from his belt. “Security Control, be advised… This is Agent Jacobs. Uh, we have a situation here. Agent Cobbs and I have somehow been transported to an unknown new location, along with the intruder. There is another unauthorized person here, as well as a … some kind of strange horse.”
I groaned. This was all about to get a lot more complicated than I’d like.
Cindy wrestled her way out of the startled guards’ grip and lunged toward the bed. “You! What did you do to me?”
Jumping up to stand on some of my favorite blankets, Celestia sneered down at her. “Nothing I didn’t have a perfect right to do, you insolent little—”
I cringed as my girlfriend plowed into Celestia’s legs, sweeping the Princess down. They both smashed down onto the mattress and bounced.
“Security Control, please respond. Repeat, Security Control, please respond!”
Cindy grunted as Celestia landed a solid kick to her thigh, but she didn’t stop. She grabbed a big handful of Celestia’s flowing mane and yanked it hard, making Celestia squeal.
“Where are we, man? What the fuck is going on?” The other security guard, the one who wasn’t futilely shouting into his radio, clutched my arm and stared at me. “What happened? Tell me!”
“Security Control, do you read me? Please respond!”
A scream came from the bed. “You horsey little bitch!”
“Down, filthy ape!” came the reply.
“Security Control! Security Control! We have an emergency!”
Celestia’s magic reached out and grabbed something, sending it whizzing across the room. It smashed into Cindy’s head, knocking her onto the bed. But the moment it hit, it burst and hissed as it sprayed red foam all over the bed and walls.
“STOP!” I shouted.
Somehow, miraculously, they all did stop. The security guards stopped yelling and stared at me. Celestia froze, her hoof inches away from Cindy’s head. Cindy turned and looked at me, wiping a wet lock of hair away from her face. For a brief, precious moment, everything was still and quiet, except for the bottle of strawberry Fanta still hissing as it sprayed into my bed. I knew I had to capitalize on this brief moment, nurture it and help it grow into calm … or things would never get under control.
First things first… “Celestia, Cindy,” I said, “can you please just call a truce for ten minutes while I explain what’s happening?” I paused, waiting for them to agree, which they pointedly didn’t. But they also didn’t go back to fighting, so that was something.
Then to deal with the guards; I turned to them. “Okay, now this is going to be weird, but I’ll explain it to you as best as I can.” They nodded – that was a good sign. “So…” How could I explain it? I pointed toward the bed. “Celestia here is a magical winged unicorn from the TV show ‘My Little Pony’. I really don’t know how she got here, and I’m as shocked as you are to find out that she’s real. But she is real, and she does have very powerful magical abilities.” Seeing their blank looks, I winced a little. “Does that make sense so far?” Ha! How could that possibly make sense?
The one who had been shouting at his radio – Agent Jacobs? – stroked the stubble on his chin. “My Little Pony? I think I know that show … my daughter watches it sometimes.”
Well, that was something. “Good, good. Now, it’s Celestia’s magic that transported you from where you were – congress, right? – to here, probably because you were holding on to Cindy at the time, and I demanded that Celestia bring Cindy back.”
Agent Cobbs, the other one, raised a finger, as if asking permission to speak. “Um, who’s Cindy?”
“Oh, right. That’s Cindy there on the bed, wrestling with Celestia. She’s my girlfriend – Cindy I mean, not Celestia.”
“Are you sure about that?” Cindy griped.
Staring at the two of them, Agent Cobbs pursed his lips. “You know… that’s kind of hot, in a weird kind of way.”
Various shouts of protest came from his partner, Cindy, and even Celestia … but I had to admit, now that I took a moment to look, it was. The red Fanta had soaked Celestia’s mane and Cindy’s clothes, making them both a little transparent and pink, and the two of them were thoroughly entwined on my very own bed.
“Hey!” Cindy shouted. “You wipe that look off your face right now!”
Ah, right. I blinked and shook my head, forcing myself not to think of certain images I’d seen online, images that this scene made me remember. Now would probably be a good time to explain things to Cindy. “Okay, so… Well, Celestia just showed up at my house yesterday. I had nothing to do with it, and I had no idea it would happen. I didn’t even know it could happen! And she wouldn't leave my bed, and I was really tired, so I had to sleep. It ended up being what you saw. But I swear, there’s nothing at all sexual or romantic about it. I don’t even want her here at all!”
“Would it kill you to pay me at least a little respect?” Celestia scowled at me.
I sighed. “Come on, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Then what way did you mean it?” Cindy said, her tone biting.
“But where ARE we?” a guard asked.
Celestia flopped down on top of Cindy, smothering her.
Cindy reposted with a vicious jab to Celestia’s stomach.
The other guard dove into the sticky red pile of a fight on the bed, trying to grab Cindy again and restore what he must have thought of as control.
Agent Jacobs pulled out his radio again. “Agent Jacobs to Security Control, Agent Jacobs to Security Control.”
No! And things were going so well! I held my head in my hands as the room descended into chaos again. “Ugh! Just stop, everybody stop it now!”
Of course they didn’t listen, and more of my personal belongings were flung across the room as Cindy and Celestia separated and moved to more long-range fighting. Something hit my window and cracked its glass.
I was desperate for it to stop. “Celestia, do something!”
There was a flash and the now-familiar sound of teleportation, and then the only two left in the room were me and Celestia. The Fanta slowly fizzled to a stop and the room went quiet.
“What did you do? Where did you send them?” This wasn’t the kind of peace I’d wanted!
Celestia smiled. “There, isn’t that better?”
“No! Where did you send them?”
She shrugged.
Well, this was a mess. Both literally all over my now soggy and pink bed and figuratively all over who-knew-where, wherever Cindy and the two guards had been sent this time. I sat down with a heavy plop in my computer chair and heaved a deep sigh. “Why me?” I asked nobody in particular.
“Because you left a picture of me open on your computer,” Celestia said. “That makes the transfer across dimensions a bit easier.”
Ugh. It would be something stupid like that.
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Hel-lo! This is a surprise.
7389599
Hopefully a pleasant one!
A suspiciously specific title...
Nice to see new chapters popping up every now and again.
Haha nice update.
THIS STORY AGAIINNNNN!!!!!
okay
Moral of the story: Don't let your computer running with images of beings you don't want to randomly appear at your place.
And when you want to meet them, better get ready for the worst. You never know which reality will get to you
Most hectic.
I swear this story just won't stay completed. I blame changelings.
I like this a lot
Now, if we can turn this into a fully fledged story...
7458183
You could probably lean on ocalhoun and make that happen. This is the third chapter in that setting he's written, and there's a couple of spinoffs, including one by me.