Your Bed is now Colgate's Dentist Engine (PacifistDoodl3r)
Your Bed is now Colgate's Dentist Engine
PacifistDoodl3r
A reflection of yourself on the bottle of nonalcoholic wine was enough to make you sigh, realizing how you're almost done with all of the beverages in your fridge. A Monday night like this is expected to be a “calm before the storm” of sorts until you're occupied with some shenanigan involving a pony. You haven't bothered setting an alarm today, expecting your bed to be set ablaze. Or maybe– a mythological creature from who knows where will spawn due to a ritualistic sacrifice. At this point, how do you even keep your job?
Making sure to clamp padlocks on your makeshift door barricade in case something pays a visit again, you tidy up your apartment in the process of securing your windows and vents. This will almost certainly make no difference– they will get in regardless but it's worth trying. The kitchen is finally good as new, almost as if it wasn't wrecked a few weeks ago. Nothing like doing some spring cleaning in the summer after horses demolish your living quarters.
Speaking of living quarters, your room awaits you. Sliding on the window locks right next to bed was almost forgotten but it was thankfully remembered. Ok, now you can have a little sleep, although you only have at most… three hours of it? And that's on a good day.
With a squeaky response from your weight suddenly rocking your bed, heavy eyelids soon hit you. Now that you're at your most vulnerable, being tuckered down and ready to dream about embarrassing moments from school that still haunt you… a potato sack is forced over your head! So much for all that preparation but something like this was predicted.
Aggressive force bonks your head– it feels like a baseball bat? Is it? It wasn't enough to knock you out as the brown bag is removed and the daylight momentarily blinds your vision.
You soon realize you're in your bed, tied down by very loose ropes. Whoever tied these had done such a shoddy job. Over you, a huge machine that looks like it belongs at a dentist office. You spot a mare, dramatically putting on rubber gloves right in front of you. Although, it hurts to move your neck to properly see her.
With a sore throat, you manage to utter a sentence.
“Could've at least put some T.V on, Colgate.” It hurt for you to speak but it was worth the suggestion.
“Colgate!?” She asks, almost offended by the name, “I'm Minuette! Why does everypony call me that?” That question was more to herself as she placed a hoof on her muzzle.
“What's with the restraints?” You ask, alluding to your wrists being tied by a rope. It's very easy to slide them out but you decide to play along.
“They are… in case you attempt to escape? Which you won't! I made sure to double knot them unlike my last victim– I mean patient! History will not repeat itself, no siree.” She muses, turning on the machine that's now connected to your bed.
“So, what, you're going to fill in my cavities against my will?” You awkwardly ask her, having no idea what's going on.
“Something like that. Don't worry, you'll be fineeee! I'll even give you a lollipop after this operation.”
“Operation?”
“Operation!” Her hoof presses down on a tiny lever on the machine, giving it a ‘whirrrr’ sound. “You're pretty lucky. I have nobody to test on Tuesdays and you're the only person I could find!”
This doesn't horrify you as much as it intrigues you. Maybe it's morbid curiosity? You ask her a question, “Test, huh? Welp I got all day, please tell me about this line of work.”
She stops the sharp and pointy tools from inching closer to your teeth, not that you'd allow to be ‘operated’ on anyway.
“In Equestria,” she begins, “I am a well known dentist and old friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle–”
“I know most things, actually.” You interrupt, making her let out a frustrated sigh.
“Hushh. Where was I… in Canterlot, most ponies only visited me when they found all the other places busy. It was insulting. Being the last option was not only bad for business, it made me angry and unwell!”
“Mentally or physically?”
“Both! All the other dentistry packed up and moved to greener pastures. And me? I enacted my revenge!” The unicorn gave a dramatic pause, as if she wanted you to say something.
“What did you d–”
“I enjoyed doing my job a little too much. But not in the way you may think! When a pony pays me the bits to have their teeth checked and fixed, I make the process extra uncomfortable by purposely using the sharp needles to jab their poor teeth and gums that only needed a whitening.” She sounded elated, revealing this.
“That's… just awful…” You were speechless.
“I watch them stare at the ceiling, as the longer than usual appointments last. I, ironically, don't even take care of my own teeeeth!” Colgate was just lost in it. Laughing a little too hard.
“Okay, explain why you're using my bed as a… dentist table?” You were just too confused and stunned to actually care. This was just on your train of thought.
“No! I'm not done with my story.” She composes herself, now sitting at the edge of your bed. “When I was a filly, the other foals dared each other to visit the abandoned Dentist or else they'd be magically stuffed into a chicken costume for a week! I was traumatized from this peer pressure.”
When did this become a character study?
You were in for the ride at this point, however, sitting up in your bed with the restraints coming undone. Colgate didn't seem to even care.
“My father warned me that one day I was going to wander into the abandoned Dentist building and it would scare me senseless. I took that warning lightly. Little Minuette was so naive and stupid.” She looked down and shook her head.
A puzzled look was now on your face, wondering how you got here. Being told the back story of a pony who bagged your head, tied you up, used your bed as a dentist engine, and is a nightmare to those in Equestria.
She continued, “I boldy strutted in after I was called. I feared nothing but the opinions of my classmates. It was dark, dreary, and smelled of cat urine. I wanted to cry but I was drawn to something inside the room nearest to me; which was of course, a broken tooth brush. I'll spare you the details on how the putrid bristles looked. And from that day forward, I decided to become a well known dentist!”
“The psychopathic tendencies came later?”
“Yes!”
“Got it.”
“So, why my bed? Why couldn't you have used a regular dentist… thingy?” After you said this, she immediately scoffed.
“Because you're an ape creature. Everypony knows you like the smell of yourselves and belongings, so I found it fit to use your bed!”
“I'm a human, I thought you already knew that?” This was surprising, you just assumed most ponies knew.
“And I'm a dentist, I thought you already knew that. Point still stands and I was correct! You seemed most pleased with your bed being used and now your teeth must be rearranged.” She clasped her hooves and got off of your bed. Using her magic to pin you down as the machine starts back up again.
The yellow aura felt like a sack of bricks weighing you down. But of course, many ponies used their magic on you so this felt like nothing out of the ordinary. You start to frown, realizing there's nothing you can really do against this mare operating on your teeth against your best wishes.
You guess there's nothing to do but accept this painful… ahem … appointment.
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This appeared above an ad for safe dating. Talk about product placement.
"could you at least do something for the fur? It gets everywhere!"
And now we're thinking of the poor Earth ponies that use their mouths for tool manipulation....
"I swear I'm not trying to kiss you!"
11294333
This 'date' with Minuette isn't safe
11294506
Oops, sorry . . . I fixed it
11294889
Imagine what houses in Equestria look like. . . .
There'd be so much getting up close and personal with all sorts of things. I suppose ponies would be used to it, but it would definitely be a problem for a human. Or, for that matter, a unicorn who finds herself in a primarily earth pony town.
So Colgate is the good dentist and Minuette is either her split personality, or the crazy denstist who happens to look just like her?
Sounds like one hell of a situation.
11296379
That would be an interesting take on it . . . either identical twins, one good and one evil, or a split personality like Jeckyl and Hyde.
Yeah, it does. No wonder she's touchy about it.
lol oh I so wish she'd try that with me oh the horror as she found her attempts in vain. I haven't had any teeth since 1998
I wonder how this would've went with someone in America without dental insurance but with gingivitis, cavities, and really painful wisdom teeth. The job might be done by a psycho, but she's doing it for free!
11723123
Well, horse dentistry involves files, since their teeth are dead above the gumline. So maybe it's not as huge an advantage.