• Published 1st Jan 2015
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Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed - Admiral Biscuit



A collaborative collection of stories about finding ponies in your bed.

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Pinkamena is Violently Stabbing Your Bed (Maxes Altho)

Pinkamena is Viloently Stabbing Your Bed
Maxes Altho

Monday.

A low point for most, absolute hell for you.

Ever since a small purple horned equine stole your Playboys, you’ve spent every waking Monday not dreading the coming week, but dreading what new pony will be unceremoniously dropped into your bed, and just how much damage said pony will cause.

You’re standing outside your home. Nothing out of the ordinary yet. You insert your key into the lock, send a silent prayer to whatever god, deity, or ancient being of the Abyss that will listen, and enter your house.

You are hit with a wave of warmth as you enter. You investigate, and find your oven working. That considerably lessens what ponies may be in your bed. The Cakes, Bon Bon, Donut Joe, to name a few. You glance into the oven, and see cupcake tins- you didn’t even know you had cupcake tins- full of slowly-rising dough. Okay, must be Pinkie this time. No one loves cupcakes as much as her.

You ready yourself for another night of crazy when something makes you pause. Your cutlery drawer is open, and all of your sharp knives are gone. Now nervous, you ascend the stairs to your bedroom.

You cautiously open the door to your room, and behold a bed’s worst nightmare.

Your pillows have been ripped open, every feather meticulously pinned to your walls. The sheets are hanging in strips from your ceiling fan. Bedsprings and bits of the mattress litter the floor. And there’s a certain pink pony wielding a knife, plunging it over and over into your bed.

Oh shit. This isn’t Pinkie Pie. What gave it away? Oh, it might have been the hair, flat as a board, or the manic look in her eyes, or maybe the apron that says “My Friends Make the Best Cupcakes!”. This is Pinkamena, the fan-made serial killer.

She turns as you stand there, and a spark comes into her eyes. She moves to your desk, and offers you another cupcake tin. “Cupcake? Its bed flavored!”

“Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope.” You back out, giving her the full double-finger salute.

You continue your nope’s as you go down the stairs, through your living room, and out the door.

You don’t stop the nope until you are about a block away from your house. Maybe I should just check into a hotel tonight.

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