Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed

by Admiral Biscuit

You Completely Fail To Notice Applejack Is In Your Bed (Bugsydor)

You Completely Fail to Notice that Applejack is in your Bed
Bugsydor

It's been a long day at work, even for a Monday. Some would argue that there is no other kind of workday, but you know better. The days may all be longer than you'd like, but experience has taught you that some days are just especially soul-sucking. Some would also argue that it's no longer Monday, as it is well-past midnight, but those turdsickles can go hang. Anyone who's played Majora's Mask knows the next day doesn't start until 6AM.

You idly wonder as you trudge through your front door whether there are any churches that still burn people for practicing necromancy, and whether you could covertly tip them off about your boss's eerie ability to siphon the life from his employees and leave them as shambling shells. Then you realize that you'd want no part in the religious/legal battle that would entail, even if you would enjoy seeing how your nemeses reacted to holy water.

You consume a bag of chips for dinner on your way through your kitchen, unwilling to consider doing anything more complicated in the name of sustenance. Working the closing shift in addition to the shift you were actually supposed to be working has left you a bit less vital and lively than usual. You really hope you don't wake up as a zombie.

As you use the last sparks of your energy to ascend the stairs to your room, you remember it's still kinda Monday. The phrase "Monday night, pony night" used to have a much happier meaning for you before those four-legged fiends started stealing your sleep box; now the phrase just fills you with dread. Sometimes you wonder how you can still stand to watch that show.

"Meh," you mutter, "it's already 2AM. Maybe this week's guest star has already come and gone, and I'll only have to clean up the aftermath like that one time with Ms. Harshwords complaining about the Ponylympics or whatever it was."

Sweet Mercy, you're tired.

You open your door and, seeing nothing amiss in the dim glow of your stairway nightlights, flop unceremoniously onto your bed.

"Oof," says your pillow.

You don't even bat an eye. It'd hardly be the strangest thing that parts of your bed have said when you wished to sleep like the dead. It's not even the strangest thing it's told you while you were wide awake, if you count that one time it got replaced with a magical talking bed that felt oddly like chitin.

A thought strikes you (at an oblique angle, as you are mostly asleep), and you prod your oddly loquacious pillow with a closed fist. Yep, it's warm and fluffy, but kinda firm. Just like a pillow should be. It smells a little funny, like sweat, pony, and funk, but so does most of the other stuff in your room.

"Hey, ya danged varmint!" your pillow grumbles sleepily in your ears. "I am tired as a dog from working the fields all day, an' I don't need none of that nonsense from no...body."

Yep, nothing out of the ordinary at all

"Shoosh. You're a pillow, and good pillows don't talk," you reply as you snuggle deeper into your bed and your mildly abnormally talkative pillow.

"But you... I... Aww, what the hay. It's not even the weirdest thing that's happened this month."

'Nope, not by a longshot,' you think as you begin your night's final descent into unconsciousness.

"Well, as long as ya don't drool too much," your pillow says with a yawn. "G'night, Mister Human."

"Good night, pillow. Now shoosh."

Despite the soul-grinding grind of work today, tonight has gone fairly well. Nothing's on fire, nobody is trying to murder you, and the state of your bed is more-or-less as you remember it.

And best of all, absolutely nopony at all has come to steal your sweet, sweet slumber.

Comments

[Pankrazius]

Yes. A bit of relief is exact, what our poor protagonist needs right now..

[pahnazd]

Well at least she didn't try to kick him off

[Nyerguds]

"But you... I... Aww, what the hay. It's not even the weirdest thing that's happened this month."

Hah!

Well. That was a nice short one

Remarks and corrections:
> seeing how your nemeses reacted to holy water.
Unless this is about multiple bosses, this should be "nemesis". You wrote the plural form. (and, if intended to be plural, the part before should be "your bosses' eerie ability")
> Yep, nothing out of the ordinary at all
Missing period.

5531753
But, that would make him notice her! Which would go completely against the title

[funbrand]

Poor, Mr. Human.
I would have Apple Pony be my pillow any time!

[nioniosbbbb]

Somewhere out there is a bad joke about Applejack being a background pony.

[MythrilMoth]

Applejack is best background pony pillow!

Fun, awesome chapter, especially after some of the over-the-top ones we've had lately.

[AppleTank]

5531898
My name is Applejack

[nioniosbbbb]

5531933 I don't get it.

[AppleTank]

5531950
.... You have never read "Background Pony," have you?

[nioniosbbbb]

5532022 The story? No.

[AppleTank]

5532031
Short version, Lyra gets cursed by something that makes everyone forget her seconds after looking away. When she writes in her Diary, or heck, even speak, her name is highlighted. The first several chapters were great. Got really depressing in the end.

[nioniosbbbb]

5532037 Yikes.

[poisonflame616]

erm, the chapter say Applejack is in this chapter, where is she?

[Dragonin]

That was kinda cute.

[soulknight13]

5532258 she the pillow he's laying on

[poisonflame616]

5532697 ooh, I thought that was a magical taking pillow with a southern accent

[Bugsydor]

Yay, my chapter got published! And more people seem to like it than not like it!

5531717 5531917
Yeah, I figured our poor protag could use a bit of a break from the routine insanity. Accordingly, I did so by making his day suck too much for him to care!

Also, please note that I harbor no ill will towards AppleHorse. I find her to be the most stable and supportive pony in the show, which makes her the perfect one for tonight's role.

And then there's the obvious joke that inspired the chapter.

5531813
Regarding the "nemeses" thing: I was including his coworkers in addition to his boss. His workplace isn't very friendshipful.

5532349
Thanks!

[PostPony]

5532796 I am veritably amused.

[The Space Butterfly]

Well, this was short and sweet.
I liked it.

[Chicago Ted]

5532037
Reminds me of the Silent from Doctor Who.

[Bugsydor]

5532933 5533412
Thanks!

[kooarbiter]

5532728

[Braininthejar]

It's past 2 AM and my own favourite pillow if rather firm and just a little bit furry. A perfect time to read this chapter *yawn*

[raw19]

Lucky human is lucky.

Most excellent chapter.

[Bugsydor]

5533811
Nope, nothing remotely out of the ordinary going on here.

5534769
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Morphy]

5531871

Applejack is Best Pony Pillow.

I bet she has absolutely rotten Mondays too! Her and Mr.Human can swap stories about belligerent customers and why the universe would be a better place without Mondays.

[BestinDworld]

Nightmare rarity is in your bed anypony?

[whizzball1]

5533462 I was hoping someone would mention that as I read through the comments.

[Lancerlot]

"Tired Applejack" might not be softest pony, but she knows when a fight just isn't worth it. <Zzzz)

Funny how some people call her a background pony in the series, when from the first episode of the first season it was obvious she was a local leader in Ponyville, and when the five were brought together, she led them to Twilight Sparkle and spoke in their behalf. Basically, she's "Sergeant Applejack" to "Lieutenant Twilight."

[cullexoh]

Pillowjack is best pony

[Sollace]

Silly pony pillow Applejack.

[Admiral Biscuit]

8333333
This is legit one of my favorite chapters in the compliation--our poor protagonist really needed a break from the insanity, and a nice, sensible pony like Applejack was the one to provide it.
img14.deviantart.net/b49f/i/2015/194/9/7/adorable_sleeping_applejack_by_shutterflyeqd-d916r3c.png

[Sollace]

8334099
Ha, awesome. I can totally agree with that.