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// Cozy Glow Is Planning Conquests In Your Bed (AlwaysDressesInStyle) 
// Story: Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed 
// by Admiral Biscuit 
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Cozy Glow Is Planning Conquests In Your Bed
AlwaysDressesInStyle

In the grand scheme of things, your bed isn’t something you give much thought. You bought it, having paid a small fortune for the nice pillowtop bed, but it isn’t something you actively think about. It doesn’t matter that you spend approximately a quarter to a third of your life in it, most of that time is spent unconscious. The rest, well, there are other things that can be done in bed. Most of which are done by other people, and in beds that aren’t yours.

The exception was Mondays. Mondays forced you to think about bed, or more accurately, who you might find in your bed on any given Monday. Your bed had seen more traffic than most beds, and as long as you phrased it that way, it sounded like an accomplishment, rather than annoyance. There were some constants: your uninvited guest would be an Equestrian, even if it wasn’t always a pony. Making things awkward, your guest was usually female.

Sleep is that thing you have to do at the end of the day, because if you don’t go to bed when it’s convenient, sleep will claim you at a time that’s less convenient. Like when you’re working, or worse yet, driving. Thankfully, it’s Sunday, and that means going to bed early because by now you know darned well you’re probably not going to be sleeping well the next night.

As you walk into your bedroom, your bed says ‘golly!’ You’ve had this particular bed for years, and you’re quite sure that it’s never said ‘golly’ before… or anything else, for that matter. You shrug, too tired to put much thought into it, and climb into bed anyway. If your bed wants to expand its vocabulary, that’s okay by you, as long as it doesn’t do so when you’re trying to sleep.

“What do you think you’re doing? You just sat on Pennsylvania!”

“Meh, no great loss,” you mutter as you roll onto your side. You don’t remember owning a pink and blue pillow, but grab it as it tries to move away from you. The nerve of pillows these days! You fluff it, and put it beneath your head where it belongs. It might be loud, but at least it’s soft.

You awake an hour or so later. The pillow is damp – ugh. You’re drooling again. But your drooling isn’t what’s woken you up, but rather it’s an obnoxious neighbor running a chainsaw in the middle of the night. No, your brain realizes with a start, your pillow is snoring. That’s not normally a feature pillows come from the factory with. If it’s optional equipment, you’re fairly sure you wouldn’t have paid extra to have your pillow snore louder than you do.

You look at the date on your phone – it’s not Sunday, it’s Monday, and you’d forgotten to pull the page off your calendar.

Once clarity returns as the fog of sleep recedes from your mind, you recognize this pillow. It’s pink, pony-shaped, with blue hair, ribbons, adorable little freckles, and a penchant for acting cutesy. You panic as you realize you’ve been using Cozy Glow as a pillow. More so when you remember that you drooled on her. If ever there was a pony that might kill you in your sleep, it’s this one. Conveniently for her, she’s already in your bed, and you’ve now given her multiple reasons to act on those murderous impulses. You’ve survived thus far purely by luck. Mostly because you’d pinned her under the weight of your head when you thought she was a pillow.

Pulling the covers back reveals the Risk board game that’s been sitting in the closet for years, a road atlas of the United States, and multiple maps of the Eastern seaboard.

You have questions. You’re not sure you want to hear the answers, but there are definitely questions that should be asked. ‘Why is Cozy Glow unpetrified?’ is a good one. Definitely in the top three. ‘How did Cozy Glow get here?’ is another good one, possibly top of the list. Looking at all the Risk pieces scattered on the map, another good question to ask would be ‘where does she think she’s going to get this many troops to assist her?’ They’re obviously intended to be her army, since they’re all focused on Trenton, New Jersey. For some reason, a pair of racecars are on the board, and a quick look reveals they’re both replicas of Dale Earnhardt Junior’s National Guard NASCAR #88 Chevy. They’re on the other side of Trenton, with different colored arrows directing their movements. You guess they’re intended to represent the New Jersey National Guard.

Cozy’s strategy seems sound, assuming she actually has the claimed resources at her disposal. But why New Jersey? You’d ask her, but Cozy is still sound asleep. There are those who look adorable when they sleep, but Cozy Glow isn’t one of them. Her cherubic face is contorted as she snores, and her coat is matted where you drooled on her.

You weigh your options. First, you could wake her up. That would stop the snoring, and you could get some answers to all those questions burning in your mind. Conversely, you could smother her in her sleep. A pillow, and some force… and you can finish what the Equestrians started. For a pony who loves backstabbing as much as Cozy Glow, it’s an appropriate way for her to go – live by the sword, die by the sword. But it’s late, you’re tired, and she’s really freaking adorable. You could always just wrap an arm around her, snuggle her close to your chest, go back to sleep, and take your chances on waking up ever again.

But there’s another option that seems like the best one, so that’s the one you pick.





Cozy Glow can have your bed, and your apartment. It’s not worth checking to see if she’s disappeared, like all the others who’ve come before her. If your boss calls, she can go in and work your shift. She’ll elevate herself up to ‘best pony’ status if she burns the place down in the process.

But for now and the foreseeable future, you’re living in another state under an assumed name.