Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed

by Admiral Biscuit


Knighty's Redecorated Your Bed And Now Everypony's Pissed (Dash The Stampede)

Knighty's Redecorated Your Bed And Now Everypony's Pissed
Dash The StampedeYou stumble into your house, shambling for the fridge like the mindless, consumerism-controlled zombie you are, dredging the depths of the appliance for your nightly brew. Cracking the can, you revel in the refreshing taste of the piss-poor quality beer - the only thing your paycheck can snag you, unfortunately - and make your way for the bedroom.

Approaching the door, you hear what sounds like a sitcom coming from behind your door, a menagerie of voices filling the hall with sounds of wonderment and disgust alike. Stopping, you wonder if you left your television on, before a posh voice rings out true, sending warning bells through your mind - not again!

"It's positively garish! Who in their right mind would mix that shade of green with black?" You hear the voice - a female's - muse, a round of murmurs of agreement starts up, another, more brash voice taking the reins of the conversation.

"This is definitely. Not. Cool. Now I have to actually organize my books?! And where's my Daring Do banner?!"

"Well, I...um...like the pillows?.."

You groan, realizing the occupants now - the same who've been plaguing you for the past weeks - as you glance at the calendar. Figures. Monday nights always bring bad news. "Ooh! Ooh! I can put these stickers on the shelves! Hey! This one has my face on it!" You hear the grating, bubbly voice of Pinkie ring true with a sigh. Wondering what misfortune has befallen your bed now, you ease the door open - and meet with something that shatters your expectations, if they ever existed at all.

Your bed - if you can even call it such anymore- is twice the size it was when you left. Size wasn't a problem, no, but the veritable wall of bookshelves surrounding it was - as were the obnoxiously-bright icon stickers Pinkie Pie was currently slathering all over them. On your left sat Rarity, her mouth covered by her hooves in shock, eyes darting over the covers - now a delightfully ugly shade of black and green. Her hooves waved the heat off her face, and she acknowledged your entrance with a choked "urk!"

Twilight was digging through the shelves, pulling out the numerous books that had suddenly appeared there, many with titles you'd never seen before - Don't Give Up!, Higher Senses, The Swooty Bell Adventures - and categorizing them by length, author, word count, the number of vowels in the first twenty pages, and page width, respectively. Dash was trying to find a comfortable spot to nap on the 'bed', the streamlined edges tapering so as to prevent an even laying surface. Thus, any attempt to get comfortable met with a desperate struggle to realign oneself, ending with a miserable - but ultimately workable - flop. She could only compromise, making do by sprawling off the edges, her torso hanging across the bed's width. The pillows had shrunk - now half the usual size, and a small tag noted the size reduction for 'compatibility and ease of use.' The pillows had a small logo on them, a white cloud with a falling rainbow, and one pillow even displayed the words '502 Error', though you couldn't figure out why. Each part of the 'bed' you examined held a similar tag to the pillows, with the line 'Designed and coded by knighty - © 2011-2015' on the back. You drop the pillows with a defeated sigh - you can't do much else, this is your bed now, and whining won't change anything...Now if these damned ponies would get the same hint!

Frowning, you groan, pushing Rainbow off your bed and shutting the new bookshelves on your 'bed'. Flopping down on the uneven bed, you struggle for purchase, before grasping the all-too-small pillows and make what little cushioning you can for your head. As you drift off to sleep, a solitary phrase hovers around your mind. The niggling thought spews from your mouth in an unrestrained bout of glory and finesse: "Bed's a bed, you sperglords."