//------------------------------// // There Must Be A Pony In Your Bed (Captain Moneybags) // Story: Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed // by Admiral Biscuit //------------------------------// There Must Be A Pony In Your Bed! Captain Moneybags You sigh wearily as you enter your home. Today had been working hell. The customers weren’t even the worst part. Alright, no less than seven customers came to get their refunds for an unpackaged item without a receipt, all before your lunch break, and the second half of your shift was even worse, but they weren’t the worst part. The worst part wasn’t even when you arrived for a snack at the Panda Express, where you had the luck of running into your slightly more handsome, slightly sharper dressed, and slightly more successful colleague. Careful observation and planning from your end had kept these confrontations to a minimum, but it had happened just today. Your colleague cut in front of you in line, was the day’s 1000th customer, and got his meal, which was slightly larger than yours, for a slightly lower price. Oh, and then he invited, read: forced, you to sit next to him, and spent the rest of the meal bragging about every single aspect of his life that was slightly better than yours. That is to say, all of it. No, the worst part of the day had yet to come. Mondays. Can’t live with ‘em, Could totally live without  ‘em. It’s a shame you can’t. You see, Monday is the day that one of many ponies visits your house, or more specifically, your bed. This pony then proceeds to demolish something, make an, often hurtful, remark directed to you, and then the chapter ends and the week begins. You just can’t wait to see what joys today’s pony brings to you. You sigh wearily as you enter your home. Time to find the intruder. Your gaze immediately moves to your fridge, a popular target for the little equines. And if you didn’t say it! The door was opened ever-so-slightly! And inside… Aha! Out of milk! You might’ve used the last this morning, but you might not have, in which case today’s pony had an affinity for milk! Pumpkin and Pound Cake, perhaps? You continue your search to your bedroom. Wait, no, let’s check the room next to it first. The bathroom. You found nothing burned, used, and/or demolished in the kitchen, so it might be in there. You slowly push the door, peeking into the bathroom to find… Nothing. The bathroom is exactly as you had left it. Spic and span, with a pile of empty paper rolls you meant to throw out in the corner. With that out of your way, there’s only one place left to go. The bedroom. You mentally prepare yourself for what horrors might await you inside, taking a deep breath, and leaning your ear against the door to listen. Nothing. The pony is either aware of your presence and was doing something they knew you wouldn’t like, or they’re silent by themselves. Big Macintosh? Applebloom? You finally push the door open, and head into what was once your bedroom. And it apparently still is your bedroom. You can’t help but feel slightly surprised as you look around your pristine room. Everything is in place. A quick glance confirms a certain pile of gentleman’s literature is still there, and still completely intact. Okay, so maybe it’s not a ready pony today. Maybe it’s a hidey pony! In a swift motion, you let yourself fall to your stomach, and keep under your bed. Last time you couldn’t find a pony on your bed, it was under. And, surely enough, a large, ominous shadow  is hiding under your bed. Probably Fluttershy or something. Your crawl over, and stick your arm under your bed in attempt to lure today’s pony out of its hiding spot. “Come on, little pony! You’re only making this hard for both of us! I won’t eat you!” Your hand hits something soft. Something big, and fluffy. Something cold. You grip it, and, with a strong pull, yank it out from under your bed. You stand up and look down on your victim. You were expecting a pony. This thing isn’t even round. Well, at least you know where your pillow was this morning. But this solves nothing! There is still a tiny horse at large in your home! And you will find it! You look under your covers. No ponies. You look in your closet. No ponies. You look under your desk. A whole lot of garbage. No ponies. You grunt in frustration. Is there a pony whose special talent is hiding? What would their cutie mark look like? You dismiss the thought in favour of your search. Everywhere you look. Everywhere. A small hour later, you look at what was once your bedroom. Everything is turned over, tossed around opened, closed again and opened again. Nothing with hooves in sight, let alone a pastel-coloured pony. But that isn’t right! There has to be a pony in this room! It’s Monday! You continue your search, although fruitlessly, even as your patience runs out and your vigour increases. Heck, you’re searching so hard, you nearly knock over your favourite lamp! You search and search and search some more, but there’s not a single pony to be found. Nor is there any other Equestrian creature. In fact, by now you’re pretty sure you and your Corner Fungus are the only living creatures in your house. You give up. You groan in disappointment as you trudge towards your TV, sit down, and try turning it on. After a few minutes of the Black Screen Show, the realization finally hits you. It’s stopped! You’re finally free! No more ponies! No more burning stuff, no more new kitchen appliances, no more sleepless nights! From this day, every day will be work, home, sleep, work! Every day! Including Monday! You decide this calls for celebration, and head to your kitchen to get yourself a glass, and your finest hard drink. Poof. You barely hear the sound of your glass shattering on the floor over the sound of something else shattering on your bedroom floor. You barely hear the sound of the bottle falling into the sink over the sound of purple hooves on wooden floor. “Sorry I’m late, there was a delay on my end. Oh, and sorry about the lamp. It was kind of tacky anyway, so it doesn’t matter that much, right?”