Flash Sentry is Guarding Your Bed
Half Dime You’re fishing your keys from your pocket when you first hear it: a phantasmal moan, from somewhere deep inside the apartment.
Yep. It’s Monday. It wouldn’t be Monday if some pony hadn’t taken over the apartment. Some pony would be waiting for you – probably in your bed – sifting through your personals, causing property damage, or worse . . .
Your hand hovers over the doorknob. You could easily leave. You could spend the night at a friend’s, or get a hotel, or . . . No, this is ridiculous. This is your home; this is your kingdom; they’re in your domain. Still, you cautiously ease the door open. “Hello…?”
There’s no answer, just another phantasmal moan and a powerful grunt.
“Hello? Any pony?” you call again. Look at you – you’ve spent so much time around these ponies, you’re starting to imitate their language. Who (outside of your friend Nicholas, who’s crazy as bat spit) says any pony?
You venture deeper into the apartment.
“Who goes there?” someone shouts.
You whirl around. A teenage boy, who can’t be more than eighteen, is stationed outside your bedroom. He’s wearing a bizarre mix of gold plated body armor and normal American clothing. The guitar case he’s usually holding has been replaced with a double-edged sword. Even though he’s not dressed the way he’s usually portrayed, you still recognize that off-white Caucasian skin, that bright blue hair, and that arrogant smile.
“Flash Sentry?” It doesn’t make any sense. With the exceptions of Sonata Dusk and your ex-girlfriend, no human has ever gotten into your house before. Especially not one that looks so disinterested. Most the people/ponies that break into your house are engaged in something; Flash just looks bored.
“Are you the current tenant of this residence?” he asks.
“Yes.” You have no idea where this is going.
“By order of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, this room has been deemed unusable.” He hands you an official looking document which you proceed to ignore. “This room will hereby remain off-limits until such time it is deemed appropriate for recreational use.”
You sigh. For some reason, you almost expect this. “How long will that take?”
He shifts his weight slightly. He looks almost . . . nervous? “I’m not at liberty to say.”
Suddenly, you’re panicking. “What have you done to my bed?”
“What?”
“Lit it on fire? Bombed it? Turned it into a revenue generating tourist attraction?”
“What? No.”
“What, then?” You can only begin to guess.
“I’m not at liberty to say,” he repeats.
“So you do know?”
“Of course I know. Everything’s fine.”
You stare at him blankly. “That’s making a lot of assumptions.”
“No it isn’t. I personally guarantee that your bed will be fully operational within the hour.” He said that last part unnecessarily loudly. There’s a slight scuffling noise from behind the bedroom door, and you swear you hear voices talking in a hushed whisper.
“Okay, that’s it.” You push past Flash Sentry, reaching for the doorknob with your right hand.
He draws his sword. It makes a horrible grating sound as it’s unsheathed, metal rubbing against metal. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stand down.”
“Do you know what I’ve been through these past few months?” you ask. You don’t know much about Flash Sentry – no one does – but he seems like a nice guy. Maybe he’ll be sympathetic if you keep talking. “My refrigerator has been melted by two pyromaniacs. My bed turned out to be a changeling queen –”
That catches his attention. His sword lowers a couple of inches. “Queen Chrysalis? What was she doing here?”
“Oh, you know, the usual: pretending to be a magical talking bed.”
“What?” He starts thinking. You can practically see the gears turning in his head. “Why would she . . .”
Now’s your chance; you lunge for the doorknob, but Flash is too fast. He knocks your hand away with the flat of his blade, twisting his blade around your arm. Something strikes you hard in the chest – the butt of his sword – and you crumple to the ground. “The princess of the Crystal Empire has asked me to guard this door,” he says.
“Princess Cadence? I’m sure she won’t mind if I –”
“Oh, she’ll mind all right. She’s in there with Captain Armor.”
“Captain Armor? You mean Shining Armor? As in her...” It was as though you just put on glasses. Everything suddenly became clear. Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, the bedroom, the guard, the moaning . . . “Oh,” was all you could think to say.
. . . “Yeah,” Flash says.
Standing, you walk away, muttering to yourself, “Newlyweds.”