• Published 18th Apr 2012
  • 7,352 Views, 871 Comments

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) - TundraStanza



Think about it like Death Battle, only with less death and more hyperactive dialogue. It all started with a fateful encounter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. It turned into something bigger.

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Lightning Round: He Will Never Be A Memory

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All properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.
---

*Tick-tock, tick-tock*

Burst Lightning Round

Here, all the fights happen without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---

Windigoes neighed and howled. Cold storm clouds surrounded the centaur, the changeling, and the fake alicorn. If that were all that was there, it might have been game over for Equestria. However, that wasn't all that was there.

Several creatures stepped over the hills. Ponies, dragons, changelings, gryphons, hippogryphs, yaks, and a mustached river monster all gathered onto the field. Magic gathered between the Elements of Harmony, the Pillars of Virtue, and six young students.

Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow braced themselves for an explosion of rainbows. They didn't tear their eyes away from their adversaries for a second.

The Ending Of The End: Winner-Takes-All

(Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow vs. Every-Creature Else)

The wheel of fate is turning!

Fi-

A silver light slashed horizontally through the air. Those on the side of friendship gasped at what they saw. Meanwhile, the evil trio blinked. Each of the three looked down, wondering why they couldn't feel their legs. Twelve hooves were falling to the ground, followed by red and green waterfalls.

The trio's eyes rolled back in their heads. Gravity pulled their tops down to join the rest of them. The windigoes ceased their circular gallop through the sky. A pair of the cold entities parted to either side as their ghostly mouths were compelled to make a new sound.

The lights of harmony and virtue dimmed. The magic was slower but still cycling. Reflected in Twilight Sparkle's eyes was a dark image. It was a biped, coated in black with long silver hair. In its left hand, a ridiculously long sword glinted. Glowing blue eyes stared coldly at the collection of creatures gathered around the hills.

Warning: A new challenger is approaching!

(Sephiroth vs. MLP:FiM's Season 9 Good Guys)

Witness oblivion!

Struggle!

~Estuans interius
Ira vehementi...~

This newcomer raised his right hand. After a bit of a spark, several lightning bolts struck through the sky. All six of the virtue ponies were hit, shaking from the shock before toppling to the grass. Smolder and Gallus growled before flying out of formation. Their classmates called out for them to wait.

Smolder unleashed her fire breath while Gallus charged with his talons out. Something shimmered like a flat wall of crystal in front of the figure. Upon hitting this glass wall, the fire bounced back into Smolder's face and Gallus's wrist crunched while bending backwards. Both of them yelped and stumbled in the air.

~Sephiroth~

Ocellus and Silverstream flew up just enough to catch their falling friends. Both of them carried as far away from "Sephiroth" as they could. Meanwhile, Twilight and the other bearers shared a look. They resumed their concentration and the Elements glowed brighter.

Sephiroth swung his sword through one of the windigoes that was off-key. It neighed out of existence. The remaining three windigoes continued their instilled chorus like nothing had happened. He snapped his free hand, creating a red spark that was launched down to his right.

Fizzlepop Berrytwist jumped into the air, flipped, and kicked out one of her anti-magic orbs. The enemy's spark passed through the orb and blew it up. That spark then proceeded to home in on the broken unicorn. Her eyes widened right before the spell exploded all around her. She landed back among her group. Her armor was reduced to a plume of smoke.

Some of the ponies armed and launched catapult projectiles. Carrots and hardware nails filled the sky. Sephiroth opened a singular wing composed of black feathers. He flew down while spinning his sword in front of himself. The approaching carrots were peeled into tiny orange sticks while the nails were completely obliterated.

~Sors immanis
Et inanis...~

With one swing, Sephiroth turned a herd of crystal ponies completely bald. With the hilt, he knocked several yaks into a hill at least a mile away. He stood up straight and looked around. His small, cold smile unnerved several creatures that were left.

Another biped glided on thin air behind the intruder. This one had a short, red bowl-cut, a magenta jacket, and a glowing red sword as thin as Sephiroth's. A third biped flew at Sephiroth from the side. The third guy had a black mane, a warrior's armor, and a sword too big for most swordsmen to wield.

Turning slightly, Sephiroth blocked both of the incoming swords with his own. He spun around into a whirlwind. The force of his cleaving motion knocked both of his attackers away. The red-head shape-shifted into Pharynx while the bigger guy shifted into Thorax. Both of the reformed royal changelings tumbled onto the grass and groaned.

~Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias...~

Discord popped in and snapped his grandmother's clothes all over Sephiroth's outfit. The draconequus chuckled as he pretended to use a balloon sword to tickle the man.

"Where are you looking?"

Discord gasped and turned around. Sephiroth was in his preferred attire and stabbing through both of Discord's wings. The first image in ridiculous clothes faded away. It had been an illusion.

~Gloriosa, generosa...~

Sephiroth pulled his enemies into a dark, space-filled dimension. He pointed his sword down, summoning the sun to crash into the planet. Celestia's horn glowed completely. Her spell slowed the sun down a bit, but it was still getting closer.

~Sephiroth~

The singing windigoes evaporated in the intense heat. Celestia sweated as she and Sephiroth were in their push-of-war for control of the sun. Cadance, Luna, and Starlight poured their magic into Celestia's. The sun came to a standstill, but it was way too close to be considered comfortable.

By this time, the Elements of Harmony unleashed the full strength of their bearers. A rainbow-colored wave washed over the one-winged angel. After a few false starts, a new flash dispelled the space dimension. Every creature was returned to the hill-surrounded valley.

The exception was the life-sized figure lying on its side. His feet were stuck to a flat, golden circle. Curious, Gabriella the gryphon flew close and tapped the platform with her talon. The colored statue glowed.

Sephiroth stood up straight, no worse for wear. He brushed some dust off his shoulders. Every creature braced themselves until Sephiroth sheathed his sword. He calmly walked over and grabbed a hoof with a golden brace.

Celestia obtained: Phoenix Down x 3.

He turned around, used his wing to cover his entire body, and then rushed into the sky. He disappeared in a twinkling star.

---

~Sephiroth~

---

"So... what do we do about those three?" Yona tilted her head and motioned with her horns.

Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow were still in a pile of separated body parts. After twisting his wings a few times to get them back into place, Discord suggested reviving them and turning them to stone. Celestia called him out. She mentioned that doing so wouldn't be his style. After a bit of deliberation, most of the gathered agreed it would be more merciful to let them rest in peace.

Spike, Applejack, and Rockhoof gathered large stones to build a makeshift circle. Dragon Lord Ember and the former lord Torch breathed fire onto the round pit. After several hours and every creature had left, ashes were lost to the wind.

---

Error: Winner not found. Check connection and try again.

No Contest

Standing in front of a blank canvas, Sephiroth slowly clapped his hands. "I'll see you again."
---

Author's Note:

After seeing all the reactions to that Smash announcement during the gaming awards, I thought, 'Oh my gosh. I just had the dumbest idea. I've got to do it!'

Merry Christmas, 2020!

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Comments ( 1 )

Stoked for the demo and possible release date tomorrow. I see you are, as well :pinkiehappy:

Merry Christmas!

Sephiroth swung his sword through one of the windigoes that was off-key. It neighed out of existence. The remaining three windigoes continued their instilled chorus like nothing had happened. He snapped his free hand, creating a red spark that was launched down to his right.

I laughed

The exception was the life-sized figure lying on its side. His feet were stuck to a flat, golden circle. Curious, Gabriella the gryphon flew close and tapped the platform with her talon. The colored statue glowed.

Excellent Subspace Emissary reference

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