Double Dragon
A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
Warning: This chapter has been brought to you today by the letter “B” and the letter “S”. I’ll give you a few minutes to decipher what that means.
…
Oh good gosh. I really didn’t want to do this. How can such a peace-lover like myself cause so much pain and destruction?
…
Don’t… answer that.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
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The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(7)
~Dragon Tales, Dragon Tales
It’s almost time for Dragon Tales.
Come along, take my hand.
Let’s all go to Dragon Land!~
Their presence crosses mythology of all cultures and their powers are limited only by imagination. Dragons are ferocious creatures to behold.
Then, pop culture decided to make them a bit more “kid-friendly”, whatever the crap that means.
Because of this, the two dragons we pit in the arena today will only have the powers depicted by their media, not by their folklore.
Bowser, king of the koopas.
And Spike, the hero of the Crystal Empire.
He’s W and I’m B.
And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
---Death Battle---
Bowser
-Dragon turtle
-Primary antagonist of the Mushroom Kingdom
-Super dense spike-shell
-Red-orange fire breath
-Down smash: can crush through certain rocks with ease
-Tends to treat his minions (and everyone else for that matter) like dirt
King Koopa, AKA Bowser, has been a constant threat to the Mushroom Kingdom.
He’s always kidnapping Peach… somehow. Why she never uses her skull-cracking soccer kick on him, I’ll never know.
Bowser leads an enormous faction of enemies specifically aiming to thwart Mario. These enemies include crushable Goombas, cowardly Koopas, misguided Bullet Bills, Magikoopas, and Bob-ombs.
But when the going gets tough, he steps into the arena himself... and man does he have fighting prowess.
Bowser has an incredibly destructive punch and fire breath that can burn all of his enemies at once. His thick, spikey shell can withstand several pounds of force. In the past, he’s been relatively slow because he’s so massive. However, he’s recently picked up a few moves that negate this weakness.
By withdrawing his body into his shell, he can spin it around like a top or curl up into a spike-ball capable of neutralizing any harm from sharp objects. He can even climb certain walls in this form.
He used to carry a magic wand, but now he leaves spells to his Magikoopas. Despite his power and position as a king, he’s not exactly a genius.
When your plans are constantly foiled by a couple of plumbers, you’d think that would be a good indication that you need to try something else. Not Bowser. He just keeps taking Peach and sending out fragile troops to invade the kingdom over and over again.
“MARIO!”
---Death Battle---
Spike
-Earthbound dragon
-The 7th primary protagonist of Ponyville
-Mystical, green fire breath
-Thick, pierce-reducing, heat-resistant scales
-Life stage: baby dragon
-Wisdom fluctuates between insightful and immature
Spike’s birth was Twilight Sparkle’s entrance exam for the School for Gifted Unicorns. Due to a distant Sonic Rainboom…
He grew taller than the frigging building! Good thing that spell wore off because he looked absolutely ridiculous.
Anyway, since then, he’s been working under the supervision of Twilight as her library assistant. He places the books in relatively the same spots, keeps the rest of the place clear of dust, and handles most of the cooking.
He tackles the one challenge that all men fear: losing their manhood. Though, I guess he’s still in the clear because he’s a dragon. Fire and a thick hide kind of come with the territory.
Speaking of that hide, Spike’s scales are thick enough to prevent bleeding from deeply embedded needles and to protect him against the intense heat of lava.
What the hell are those scales made out of?
His fire breath has developed quite a bit over the course of three seasons. Where it used to just be burning copper sulfate or boric acid (the substances that can make fire green), the fire can now be used to store certain paper items in pseudo-space.
Too bad he can’t always control what goes into pseudo-space. When he’s startled, the items react how they usually would in flames and just burn to ashes.
Technically, when Spike starts hoarding objects, his size and mass grow exponentially. However, when he’s in full-blown panic, greed is the farthest feeling from his mind.
Yeah, that means he’ll probably be stuck as a midget during this Death Battle. Hey, W! I bet you $20 that Bowser wins this fight!
You’re on, with one condition. If I win, you have to buy lunch. If you win, I have to give you the check.
Deal! … Hey, wait…
“I’ve been holding that quill for so long. I’ve got a claw cramp.”
---Death Battle---
All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.
It’s time for a Death Battle!
---Death Battle---
It seems that the number one assistant has lost himself wandering through a dark hallway in a location unfamiliar to him. The occasional torch just barely breaks the darkness every few steps or so. Even as he walks along, Spike can feel his knees shaking under him. His teeth are chattering involuntarily.
Why am I even here? he wonders as he looks around frantically for some way out. Torchlight marks the start of a short staircase. Left without much choice, Spike begins the ascent.
He pushes against a red door at the top and it creaks loudly as it opens. In contrast to the basement that Spike just left, this hallway is lit rather brightly. Though, the constant patterns of red banners and rugs with a monstrous face on them are a bit unsettling. The baby dragon grabs both of his arms and shivers out of discomfort. Though as soon as he sees what is at the end of the hall, his arms fall limp to his sides and his eyes are wide.
The creature on the giant throne seat glares threateningly at the one who would dare intrude in his castle. Having no minion in the immediate area, the Koopa King makes a giant leap from his seat to stand just a few feet in front of the weakling he faces. Bowser lets loose a horrid roar.
“FIGHT!”
Having faced several dangers before, Spike holds a determined expression as he knows just what to do against the bigger dragon.
“Ah ha ha ha!”
He runs away screaming with his arms in the air. Bowser gives chase, shaking the floor with every step of his heavy feet. Though, it becomes quickly apparent that the little guy would win in a foot race. The big guy pulls his arms, legs, and head into his shell before curling up. His shell becomes a giant sphere covered with his spikes. He starts to gain momentum as he rolls forward.
Looking back, Spike notices that his pursuer is catching up to him. He tries to put more into his running, but the monster sphere is still quickly approaching. More bad news is right in front of him. A brown, walking mushroom with fangs stares blankly as it walks closer. Taking in as much breath as he can while running, Spike then proceeds to exhale a small burst of green fire.
A small “plink” sound is heard as the Goomba somehow falls through the floor into non-existence, while a white ‘100’ floats upward. Spike continues to run along with the giant sphere still chasing him.
Three more problems are now floating in the way. All of them resemble yellow biped turtles with green shells and white feathered wings. Since he’s currently limited to two-dimensional movement, Spike can only jump on each of the Paratroopas rather than bob-and-weave around them.
“Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!” he quips as he steps on each of their heads.
The now wingless Koopas fall to the floor on their feet wondering what in the world that was. Each of them turns around to see their boss literally rolling towards them. Each of them lets out a panicked yelp as Bowser bowls over them.
Spike continues running past stone pillar after stone pillar and statue after statue. But then, he spots a large, red double-door coming up on his right. He quickly directs his running toward the door and yanks it open before heading inside.
Just about to pass the door, Bowser uncurls himself from his spike-ball form. He takes a few heavy steps and enters the same doorway.
This hallway seems a bit bland, but Spike’s worried and panicking mind make the walls appear eerily red. He’s panting a bit harder than he was when he first began running. He takes a short moment to stop and breathe.
I wonder if I lost him, Spike thinks during his moment of reprieve.
“Grooaaar!”
Guess not. As Spike looks to the source of the roar, Bowser lets loose a barrage of red-orange fire blasts. Spike childishly tries to cancel out Bowser’s fire with his own fire breath, but the green flames practically die upon contact with the much more forceful fire. The hot vapors are enough to blow Spike away and send him into a sprawled heap on an orange bridge.
Bowser chuckles in his growling tone as he starts stomping toward his intruder. Relying too heavily on adrenaline, Spike is exhausted. However, he still manages to get up and stand. Having nowhere left to run and no pony to save him this time, Spike lets loose a war cry that sounds like a child’s scream. He starts running forward as he prepares to go down fighting.
Conveniently, the camera goes off to the side where neither combatant can be seen. Hits of various sorts can be heard. The walls around shake a bit like somebody’s rumble pack. Into the camera’s view comes Spike being hurtled by his most recent bruise. Um… I don’t think his tail is supposed to bend that way. Ew…
Anyway, Bowser is starting to stomp forward again. He’s probably going to finish the job. Tired, beaten up, and weary, Spike lifts up a claw against the back wall in a desperate attempt to regain his balance. Unbeknownst to him, he ends up hitting the back wall’s switch.
One by one, the pieces of the orange bridge seem to pop like bubbles. Eventually, there’s nothing underneath the combatants’ feet. Both of them take an uncertain look underneath themselves. Both of them let out a scream of their respective pitches. Spike makes a small splash in the orange-red liquid while Bowser makes a much larger splash in the same liquid.
A skeleton in Bowser’s form flails his limbs around frantically, but to no avail. Eventually, it just sinks entirely into the lava. Meanwhile, a small bubbling patch makes way for Spike’s head to resurface. He spits out a small fountain’s worth of lava before taking a breath. He looks around, but the monster is nowhere to be seen. He sighs in relief as he rests himself against the stone wall.
“K.O.!”
---Death Battle---
Dang. They sure know how to make a splash.
There’s no question that Bowser has more upper body strength than Spike. In straightforward head-on combat, he probably would have won.
But here in Death Battle, the winner’s got to use their environment to their advantage. Time and time has proven again that Bowser doesn’t have much advantage in his own home. He could’ve stuck to stone corridor, stone corridor, and stone corridor, but no. He had to build a big old lava pit that he could fall into at any time.
As stated before, Spike’s scales are thick enough to resist the heat of molten lava which can reach temperatures as high as 2,192 degrees Fahrenheit. Bowser’s scales, on the other hand, melt right off in lava unless Magikoopa turns him into a giant. If we had allowed Bowser to have Magikoopa’s assistance, then we would’ve had to let Spike be helped by Twilight Sparkle.
Who can, by the way, copy any opponent’s spell just by looking at it.
Not to mention, Spike has extremely good luck when faced with otherwise dangerous situations, usually in the form of unexpected turnabouts.
Bowser just couldn’t take the heat.
The winner is Spike.
---Death Battle---
Of course if you have an idea for a Death Battle, feel free to leave a suggestion in a comment below.
And don’t forget to check out ScrewAttack.com for more Death Battle content.
---Death Battle---
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Right when it showed them falling into the lava, everyone was probably saying 'Game, Set, Match'
YES!! Thanks for that, I've been wanting to see Spike win one since his bout with Kratos.
Bowser showed he could survive lava in Super Mario 64 and the other Mario games as he is still here.
Discord vs. Unicron
…okay, so apparently I’m going to have to be the guy who is gonna have to say it.
This is the worst Death Battle entry I have ever read. You guys clearly haven’t done proper analyzes and research on Bowser and I find it quite offensive on how incredibly poor you’ve done, more so if not equal to the Death Battle involving Mario and Luigi.
First off, Bowser is not just a Dragon. If you’ve done the proper research you’ll know that Bowser is a Demon-Ox. This was a concept that Miyamoto himself wanted to do when he first created Bowser, but many other people misinterpreted his designs and thought he was a dragon. However, he went with the idea so Bowser is a Demon-Ox-Turtle-Dragon.
Bowser is not slow. Have you forgotten “Super Mario 64”, “Super Mario 3D Land”, and various other titles where you see Bowser can dash at a fast pace? Also,
You couldn’t possibly be anymore wrong with that information. Bowser has been using magic (without the use of a wand) in many Mario titles; he was able to teleport in “Super Mario 64” and “Super Mario Galaxy”, he was able to willfully turn into metal in “Mario Party 2”, he shot electricity from the paw of his claws in “Galaxy”. Again, in “Galaxy” he turns into a boulder. “Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars”...need I say more about that?
Bowser’s own fire breath is considered to be magic depending on the various feats he used it; ex: shooting homing blue fire and recently in “3d Land” he fired a pinkish fire beam that is so powerful it can destroy the platforms.
The most incredible feat that Bowser has shown was his durability, how he was able to still live despite the fact that he should be legally dead. He survived worst fates than being dunk in lava; punched into a sun, got sucked into a black hole, got lost in time (Mario’s Time Machine) and flash frozen (Mario is Missing). Even if he did fell in lava you have neglected that he came back as Dry Bowser later in “New Super Mario Bros. 1”.
I have not seen that many My Little Pony shows or read the comic series, so I can’t argue that Spike can truly survive in lava, even if he consumes 2,192 degrees Fahrenheit in his mouth with vulnerable intestines behind his dragon scales.
tl;dr
This needs a redo with proper research done. If this was Cartoon King Koopa instead of Game Bowser than this will be more believable. Then again, Cartoon King Koopa is weaker than Game Bowser.
3/10