The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

I don't think this is a good idea...(this chapter may get deleted in the future)

A/N: Warning! The following chapter may be OOC. It is not meant to be read by people with heart failures, women that are pregnant, or may become pregnant. Viewer discretion is advised.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Shigesato Itoi.
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So, who's fighting in today's episode?

---
A/N: Well, I know for a fact the draconequus is coming back to life.
---

Oh...

---
A/N: And he's going to be fighting an...entity that supposedly attacks with... evil?
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...what.

---
A/N: Yeah, I don't get it either.
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---The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (12?)---

---Death Battle---

Various evil masterminds and insane characters cross the screen.

W opens, "Today, the master of Chaos will fight the master of Evil."

B is enthusiastic, "All right! Finally, I get to watch the devil fight with Kefka."

"What? No, it's going to be Discord vs. Giygas from Mother."

"Who from what?"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

I loathe this chimera. I really do.

---
A/N: You and me both, narrator.
---

"Day-um, you ugly!" kids B.

"We've briefly covered Discord's abilities in his last battle," says W, "But now it's time to review. He ruled over Equestria in unrest and unhappiness using nothing but the Chaos in his claws."

"Basically, whatever he wants to happen can happen."

"The only weapons known to at least quarantine Discord are the Elements of Harmony, which require all the ponies connected to them in order to be used."

"This draconequus can mess with physics, depth, rules,... hell everything."

"Game's over, my little ponies," declares Discord in his cut scene.

---Death Battle---

Sweet mother of sanity! What is that thing?

"What am I looking at?" asks B.

"Giygas is considered the master of evil and can slowly deplete his enemy's health simply by looking at them and typing evil text messages," says W.

"It looks like a... a... fetus."

"And that's about all that Wikipedia knows about him too, besides the fact that he was designed in the image of a rape scene."

"Is this even a Death Battle episode?"

"It hurts, Ness..." reads a message from a quick visual of the... starman? Is that really what it says he is?

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A/N: I'm afraid so.
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But... that's a power up that Mario uses in his games all the time.

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A/N: I know.
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...ew.

---Death Battle---

W announces, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B holds his peace.

"No ads this time?"

"Not this time W. It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

It appears that Discord is in some weird factory plant of sorts.

Discord sighs, "Can't that hedgehog take a joke?" Like anyone could really take Discord's humor seriously.

"Hey! I heard that!"

What? Ugh, never mind. The scene rapidly changes as fast as Discord's imagination, actually faster.

"What's going on?" he demands. The screen goes black before a red face in the middle of a red oval shape appears.

"And just who are you supposed to be?" asks the chimera. The ovary refuses to answer.

"FIGHT!"

The red fetus known as Giygas gazes at Discord. A random number "999" to the right of a random "HP" starts dropping one increment every half second.

"What's this?" questions the draconequus. He snaps his eagle claws and the "MP" is replaced with the "HP". Now the number starts dropping from "9999". This time it drops 500 every third of a second.

"What is going on? I'm the only one that's not allowed to make sense."

Immediately, the "HP gauge" drops to "0" and Discord is lying unconscious. The director presses the "Abort" button.

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A/N: *Presses Abort!*
---

Giygas immediately drops dead.

Wait... how can you have instant death traps in your control room?

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A/N: Because I'm not letting my story's universe get destroyed by something that hasn't even been born yet.
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...Well, if you say so.

"Double K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B looks confused, "What the hell just happened?"

W looks just as confused, "I have no idea."

The stat screen is also confused about the events that just transpired.

"The winner is..."

"No one."

"So, I guess it's a draw." Pictures of either contestant are on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

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A/N: Seriously, what the heck does a Giygas' attack even look like? I don't get it.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. This chapter may as well get deleted in the near future.

Comments

[leaderofstars]

makes sense. chaotic discord couldn't handle the pure evil of Giygas.

also i enjoyed it. don't delete

[TundraStanza]

I'm thinking of trying to find an opponent that Applejack could last against.
Any suggestions?

Edit: Never mind. I guess I just won't put her in this story.

Edit 2: Actually...

[Cobra 1]

500778
Cleetus from Thrill Kill
should've watched Chugga's LP of Eathbound.

[Totally Not A Pony]

Well, in the end my approach to a Hulk vs. Celestia scenario is in part based on the fact that Classic!Hulk at least (I haven't kept up with Marvel comics since the mid-90s, so I may have missed a good few developments) is at heart a good guy who gets a bad rap due to his combination of raw power and anger management issues. Much as J. Jonah Jameson will always hate Spider-Man no matter how much good he does, the Hulk will always make people nervous because he frankly looks like a monster and everybody who's heard of him knows that where he flies off the handle, things get SMASHED!!! in a hurry.

So, sure, in a straight-up fight he could beat Celestia easily enough -- for all her magic she's only one pony, and even if she brought her royal guard he'd just mow through them like the redshirt army they are. But I would not want to be the one responsible for tricking him into attacking her once he finds out the truth...

Now, Hulk vs. Fluttershy, that might make for an interesting encounter.

As for a suitable opponent for Applejack...well, she's mostly strong and tough for a pony and packs quite a kick, as her orchard will attest. So for a fair matchup we'd likely want another brawler, though not too superhumanly powerful...

...all right, guys, who put Muhammad Ali into my head?

[RealityDowngrade]

Awww, lighten up man, this chapter doesn't need to be flat out deleted.

I rather like the how the whole fight ended, Discord really isn't evil, just chaotic, and very prideful (though he does have enough power to back that up), so when faced against an opponent of that sort of magnitude, he was definitely going to fail, especially if he's forced to have a health bar (this of course is a staple of a few of the actual DeathBattles so that actually helps to keep it in line). He really doesn't have much experience with fights, that we know of. I guess all I can really say is although it was succinct, the fight seemed rather short and the negative attitudes of B and W, and the narrator seem to becoming too prominant (and unless you are going to go somewhere with that, like maybe them getting fed up with it and directly intervene in the battle like a god in the SIM's universe, it may be prudent to cut that out a little and try to put more attention to the fights).

[TundraStanza]

506105
Thanks.
I'll see what I can do about getting him a bit less prominence.
No promises, though.

[xenobrony]

Not sure if you've done it yet but I bet it would be more interesting to do Discord vs Sheogorath

[TundraStanza]

1159300
...
I'll think about it.

[Lag Incarnate]

Of course you don't know what Giygas' attack looks like. You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas' attack!

[Wyrme]

You have so many things wrong about Giygas that, and I quote Giygas, "It hurts..."
Allow me to correct you.
1: The fetuses were are coincidence. A freaky one, but still, that was unintentional.
2: Wikipedia now has a lot more information on Giygas, but you should've used EarthBound Wiki or Wikibound for information.
3: You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack, so of course you wouldn't know what they look like.

[TundraStanza]

3292570, Hence, I considered the possibility of deleting the chapter altogether.

[JustAnotherRandomFan]

3292859 NIGHTMARE MOON VS UNICRON OR GALVATRON, sorry, caps lock was on, anyway, that would be a good fight.