The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

You Can't Spell Parody Without "P"

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Well, I’ve made her tag one of the main characters. So, I guess it’s time to bring her back for another round. Never can you have too much pink.
Properties in the chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Lab Zero Games and Reverge Labs.
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The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(6)

Maybe I’m crazy. I’m spinning out of control and I don’t know what’s worth fighting for. Cartoony character, meet another cartoony character.

What is it with cartoon characters and a complete disregard for the laws of physics?

Because, shut up.

Today, we’re taking another look at an old favorite, randomness-driven, Death Battle combatant and giving her a chance to fight someone that’s been just as random but gone under the radar.

Friend of Deadpool and nightmare to Psycho Mantis: Pinkie Pie.

…and the weaponized, psychotic orphan: Peacock.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Pinkie Pie
-G4 earth pony
-Bearer of the Element of Laughter
-Defies any sensible explanations
-Has “Pinkie Sense”
-Can break the 4th wall
-Favorite hobby: throwing parties

Always full of energy and ready to spread smiles, Pinkie Pie knows every name of every resident in Ponyville.

Ten bucks says she’s high on sugar!

She was raised as a rock farmer during her childhood. But, after witnessing the awe-inspiring Sonic Rainboom, she discovered her passion in making everyone else happy. This eventually allowed the Element of Laughter to choose her at the return of Nightmare Moon.

After that, the Elements of Harmony were promptly forgotten about and locked up in some chamber at Canterlot Castle.

Pinkie’s mind works in ways that no one can understand. She can often come up with the most elaborate explanations for certain situations in which most others would think of more logical solutions.

She thought a silent movie crook, James Bond, and Samurai Jack had laser-beamed a cake when there were clearly bite marks on the sides. She also somehow thought that wearing a moustache would make Applejack’s damsel in distress situation more convincing.

“Just one question.”

“Yes?”

*moustache*

“No.”

Pinkie Pie’s mind isn't the only thing that works fast. As stated before, she can gallop up to Mach 5 speeds ensuring that Rainbow Dash is given a run for her money. Pinkie can also stretch her own body like rubber, hang in midair without levitation magic, and break out of the barrier of the closing screen of an episode.

She’s also got this obscure sixth sense called the “Pinkie Sense”. With it, she can predict vague and immediate events like falling objects, mud splashes, opening doors, bee swarms, and doozies. But, even she doesn't always know the exact details behind the events that her twitches predict.

Common items in her possession include balloons, confetti, and the ever-famous Party Cannon, capable of shooting just about any supplies needed to set up a party anytime, anywhere.

She’s quite literally a party animal.

Despite her… uh, eccentric personality, she can at times recognize when her antics have gone too far and she will do whatever it takes to make sure her friends are happy. She’s even matured enough to babysit part-time for her employers.

Because nothing makes you wise up faster than raising a child. Just look at me and W!

Right! Wait, what?

“Whoosh! Loopty-loop around and SHOOM, she…”

---Death Battle---

Peacock
-Mutilated at a young age
-Blood type: B
-Rebuilt in Anti-Skullgirls’ laboratory with the Argus System and the Avery Unit
-Likes: cartoons, movies, violence, junk food, fast cars, explosives, cigars
-Dislikes: weaklings, bureaucracy, authority figures, people in general, the Skull Heart, nerds, salad, chopsticks
-Favorite TV show: “Annie: Girl of the Stars”

Originally, her name was Patricia and she was physically and mentally destroyed by slave traders. But then, Dr. Avian of the Anti-Skullgirls’ Labs put her back together.

How? With science!

The Argus System augmented her while the Avery Unit granted her access to ridiculously proportioned weaponry. Most of which defies reality.

She’s got knives, lasers, bombs, a revolver, and Cloud Strife’s buster sword just to name a few.

Peacock has a bad smoking habit and a personality that tends to revolve around her love of cartoons. This is apparent in her over-the-top fighting style and quotes she uses directly from famous scripts. Not to mention, she can summon random objects to fall on her opponents.

She can also teleport around by literally jumping through a hole in the ground. Her favorite attacks seem to involve stuffing her opponent in a bag and jumping on it, and the Argus Agony: Peacock’s version of the lasers of doom.

In spite of her… uh, questionable tastes, she does seem to have some code of morals. While she won’t hesitate to kill criminals, she does show certain affections for her friends and will do anything in her power to save them from the Skull Heart.

Specifically by killing her good friend Marie.

Afterwards, Peacock swore revenge against all the people that had made their lives miserable.

Because nothing says fun like beating the crap out of everyone!

“Garbage day!”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set! Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

But first, a little something completely different!

---Death Battle---

And now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

A little girl with rather lanky, metallic arms strolls onto the open, grassy battlefield. She then takes a moment to look around the scenery. She frowns.

“This ain’t Albuquerque!” she complains.

“Well of course it isn’t, silly!” giggles a much lighter-sounding voice. The familiar pink pony bounces onto the scene.

“This is a green meadow-like area set aside for the sole purpose of the director to pit against each other in a battle,” Pinkie Pie says quickly as if what she’s saying is common knowledge.

“Oh, yeah!” Peacock hoots as she punches her augmented fists into each other, “Time to paint the meadow red!”

“FIGHT!”

Peacock pulls a random pie out of thin air and chucks it, followed immediately by a small bomb. Pinkie Pie more than happily opens her mouth wider than possible for a pony and swallows the pie whole. Then, just before the bomb can reach her position, she spits the empty pie dish. The bomb explodes on contact with the tin, leaving both combatants intact.

“Garbage day!” smirks Peacock as she pulls out a revolver. She fires four shots. Two of the shots look more like Bullet Bills than standard bullets. Thinking quickly, Pinkie gasps in a large amount of air. Her body floats just above the bullet-riddled space. As Peacock puts her revolver away, Pinkie releases that air and starts descending.

However, while the pink one is distracted, the biomechanical child starts waving a couple of red and white pennants. A toy plane comes in and impacts with Pinkie, knocking her back a bit. Peacock follows up her strike by opening a hole in the ground and resurfacing behind her opponent. She then proceeds to conjure a large, brown sack out of nowhere and catches Pinkie inside of it. After that, she quickly performs a kicking jig on top of the bag before it bursts open.

Pinkie looks a bit dazed and there are a few scrape marks here and there on her coat. But she’s still in one piece. Peacock has plans to change that, however, by opening the top of her hat to reveal a bird, her Avery Unit.

“Argus Agony!” she hollers as multiple lasers fire from her bird and a bunch of peacock feathers that appear above her.

Shaking her head and getting back on her feet, Pinkie opens up a briefcase and lets loose several balloons. Their haphazard flight patterns actually work as impromptu shields against the scattered laser shots.

Peacock grins a little, thinking that her opponent fell for the decoy attack. However, what she doesn’t notice is that the pony’s tail is wiggling fiercely.

“Twitcha-twitch,” mutters Pinkie with eyes wide open. Donning her multi-colored umbrella cap, she quickly hops to the side just in time for a flower pot to crash on the spot where she was just standing. Then, using a graceful dance routine, she proceeds to sidestep an anvil, a clothes iron, and… an Easter Island statue?

Peacock grumbles to herself about her failed random object assault. But she’s not done yet. With a face that can only be described as ‘get her’, a bomb with feet runs up to Pinkie and starts kicking her. Peacock lights a cigar and looks away from the scene. She then casually tosses the cigar toward the fray.

What she doesn’t see is the precisely placed Party Cannon. Nor does she see the lit end of her cigar hit the cannon’s fuse. Peacock is caught in a huge blast composed entirely of confetti, streamers, hats, and cake.

Dressed as a whole party, she falls to the ground with ‘x’s in her eyes. Her right arm has somehow been detached.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie has somehow found a white feather and is tickling the bomb into submission. It explodes, taking the feather with it. Covered in black dust, Pinkie can only whoop and bounce.

“Woo-hoo! Let’s do that again!”

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Can nothing stop this pink monster?

At first glance, Peacock had the greater chance of victory. Her cartoon antics are more violence-centered and she’s often out for blood. However, that’s where her randomness is centered: charging into battle.

Meanwhile, underneath her incomprehensible mind, Pinkie Pie is surprisingly insightful.

Pinkie often figures certain things out much faster than other people and at times finds just the right set up for dealing with problems.

Like how she was the only pony who knew how to deal with a parasprite attack.

And as Leonardo demonstrated in his Death Battles, strategy and resourcefulness trumps brute force.

Looks like Peacock was really blown away!

The winner is Pinkie Pie.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

They breathe fire…

They have both caused mass destruction…

And they’ve each claimed a damsel in distress…

Now, the only question is…

What the heck are we doing putting them in the same arena?

“Rawr.”

“GROOOOAR!”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note:

This chapter was brought to you today via request by geardog.
The video belongs to DeannART2.
This chapter and the rest of this fic is non-profit.
...
And... yeah, I guess I'm doing... that chapter next time.
Could any of you spare a flame shield?
...
P.S. Special thanks to the actual guys at ScrewAttack for that awesome Goku vs. Superman Death Battle.

Comments

[Toonwriter]

Excellent Death Battle! Congratulations to Pinkie for defeating Peacock from Skullgirls!

[geardog]

Thanks for making one of my dream fights come true.

P.S. I really wanted Peacock to win.

[The Dankest Meme]

I was really hoping to see Peacock's other Blockbusters in this. Who knows what kind of fun Pinkie could have with Lonesome Lenny? Then again, wouldn't that and Goodfellas count as outside assistance?