The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Time is of the Essence

A/N: All right, now that I've gotten serious out of my system, it's time to go crazy again and write some events that could happen in a video setting but probably won't make it onto the actual Screw Attack website.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (24)

---Death Battle---

A time traveler? I thought the director wasn't going to use the Doctor. Wait... it's not the Doctor? Who else travels through time?

...oh.

Pictures of Link, Gordon Freeman, Cloud, and other protagonists fill the screen.

"Ever notice that it's the quiet ones that make the most noise?" asks B, "Well, it's true."

"Like Chrono, the warrior from Truce," says W, "And today he'll be fighting a revived and slightly peeved Chrysalis, queen of the changelings."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A spikey, red-haired teen wearing a blue tunic and wielding a sword in his hand appears on screen.

"Chrono was born in the year 983 A.D," introduces W, "At age 17, he tested out a device called the Telepod invented by his friend Lucca. When something went horribly wrong and the Telepod sent Marle back to the past, Chrono's time traveling adventures began."

As stats appear on screen, B adds, "This guy's been to several time periods and learned new information and abilities from each."

"Specifically, he gained his magical abilities at the End of Time. These abilities, called 'techs', offer support and offense during the heat of battle. His Cyclone ability lets him hit a circle of enemies and Wind Slash allows him to hit an entire enemy lineup."

"Lightning lets him attack with... well, lightning obviously and Lightning II is a multiple targeted version of that."

"He can Raise a fallen ally from knockout, confuse enemies with a four-strike Frenzy, and damage all of his enemies with holy light using Luminaire. Chrono is proficient in fighting with katanas. His most powerful katana is the Dreamseeker that he received for slaying a Dream Devourer. The sword has a high probability for dealing critical damage."

"While Chrono takes extra damage from Shadow magic, he doesn't seem to have very many obvious weaknesses aside from that one time that Lavos managed to eat his soul."

"But his friends were able to revive him using a clone from 1000 A.D."

"This is Star Wars all over again."

"As he doesn't say much, he usually lets his actions do his talking for him, though this has lead to very comical results."

"Just imagine Link the hero of time as a red head and you've pretty much got Chrono." At this statement, we can actually hear W face palm.

The closing cut scene for Chrono is an epic sword fight as he takes on several enemies surrounding him at once. He doesn't say a word even as he topples the last foe.

---Death Battle---

The familiar black changeling shows up on screen. Do you really need a reminding description of how grotesque she looks?

"Refresh my memory, W," says B, "Why did we bring this thing back to life?"

Not surprisingly, W ignores him and reintroduces, "Queen Chrysalis rules over the swarm of changelings from the outskirts of Equestria. They feed off love and can alter their appearance to resemble any pony they see."

"If I had face that ugly, I wouldn't show it in public either." Stats appear on screen as W keeps talking.

"Chrysalis specifically has an aura of evil magic capable of levitation, fabric disintegration, energy beams, and opening portals to the underground."

"She's Spawn minus the guns and awesome cape."

"The strongest source of her power came from Shining Armor's love which she commented was even stronger than Celestia's magic."

"You'd think god was more enduring than that."

"But as was proven at the end of her 10 minute reign over Canterlot, too much love is enough to repel Chrysalis and her entire faction of changelings."

"She fell for the typical trap of the villain: the musical reprise."

The cut scene shown proves B's point as Chrysalis sings:

This day has been just perfect
The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small.
Every pony else to control
Every stallion, mare, and foal
Who says a girl can't really have it all?

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A/N: Close that tab right afterward. That user's got it stuck on replay.
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---Death Battle---

As always, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hang on, W," interrupts B, "I'm going to go use the Carbonite funds to buy a new katana."

"But you just got a new katana."

"It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

We now find ourselves staring at a random forest line in the middle of nowhere. It's past the valley of somewhere, but not as far as neither-here-nor-there. Silence looms over this setting as the camera pans in a rightward direction. The view settles on the quiet combatants, poised and ready for battle. Let's not keep them waiting.

"FIGHT!"

Holding the calm pose of a samurai, the red-head raises his katana high. The changeling surrounds herself with green flame. In an instant, she looks like a mirror image of the warrior she faces. Actually, 'mirror image' is a perfect phrase since Chrono is wielding his sword left-handed while his doppelganger holds it right-handed. They both charge forward.

Metal clangs against metal as the fighters clash. The advantage isn't obvious at first but Chrono's more experienced swordplay is apparent as his doppelganger begins to back up. He spins around in a Cyclone attack. As the duplicate tries to imitate the motion, the original unleashes a Wind Slash forcing his opponent back several feet.

Unable to copy the magical abilities, the clone is forced to watch and dodge Chrono's various Lightning attacks. She gets caught in the widespread Lightning II attack which happens to singe the grass surrounding her. Chrysalis reverts back to her original form in a less impressive, green flame. The time traveler is far from finished and activates his Luminaire tech. The changeling queen is caught in a blast of holy light.

She is barely standing and struggling to breathe. She fires a green beam of magic at Chrono. Although he feels weakened, he still charges forward to deliver the kill. As he gets within a few yards, Chrysalis suddenly finds a channel of love to sink into and its coming from the warrior. Somewhere deep in his heart, she finds her last-ditch plan. She is surrounded by green flame again. When the fire clears, a girl familiar to Chrono appears.

The warrior stops within a few feet in surprise. His expression seems to read, "Is it really her?"

"Chrono," whimpers 'Marle', "I thought you loved me." Her eyes flash green for a moment as a similar effect occurs in his eyes. He lowers his sword as he walks in a trance toward his wife. She opens her arms and embraces the warrior.

She starts to squeeze the life out of him. Chrono feels constricted and strangled. Something is not right. Marle is not herself. Marle... This is not Marle. She never laughs wickedly like this.

His left hand reacts within a split-second. The Dreamseeker blade drives itself into 'Marle's' heart. With her heart pierced, the changeling queen can no longer hold her disguise. She reverts back and the green hypnosis leaves Chrono's eyes. He pulls his sword back and turns to leave as Chrysalis falls to the grass in a heap.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Now that's what I call a Death Battle," says B in delight.

"Chrono had better sword fighting experience right off the bat," reflects W, "His magic was able to keep a steady pace at keeping Chrysalis at a distance."

"Her dark magic might have been able to beat him, but it just wasn't enough."

"She even tried to use Chrono's true love against him, but he was able to break out of it when his suspicion outweighed his blindness."

"Deep in the heart of Chrysalis," B sings to the tune of "Deep in the Heart of Texas".

"The winner is Chrono," concludes W as Chrono's picture appears on screen with his name underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll and our show hosts are silent.

Thanks for watching.

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A/N: Sorry this one took so long. I needed a bit of a rest.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. The next chapter might be a bit more in the "humorous" category than a serious duel. I'll get back to you on that.

Comments

[leaderofstars]

nice.

[Cobra 1]

AWESOME!!!!!!! Now we need Link!