The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

The Ultimate Defense

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A/N: No offense, but this seems a little... one-sided.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Shueisha, Madman Entertainment, and Masashi Kishimoto.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 8

"Best offense is a good defense, am I right?" ~A Skyrim guard

For many warriors, the sword is an obvious tool of fighting. However, the other hand that wields the shield can often be used with just as much finesse and incredibility.

I don't think that analogy really works here, W. These shield-wielders don't exactly use their hands specifically for their tools of defense.

Shining Armor: Prince of the Crystal Empire.

... and Gaara of the Desert.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Shining Armor
-Unicorn
-Introduced as Captain of the Royal Guard
-Residency: Canterlot; The Crystal Empire
-Currently the Prince
-Specializes in the strongest defensive spells
-Other magic: Beams & Levitation
-Strong enough to physically pick up and toss his wife
-Has been thrown under the bus several times by the writers

"Back off, traitor."

Shining Armor was born and raised in Canterlot. Aside from spending quality time with his little sister Twilight, he spent his days training to become part of the Royal Guard. Eventually, his constant focus paid off and he became its Captain.

I guess the writers think they're so darn clever, making the knight in white, shining armor is so uncannily similar to this horse's image.

After a brief fiasco with an entire swarm of changelings, Shining Armor finally married the love of his life. Within a short time after that, he and Cadance would move in to protect the newly returned Crystal Empire as its new prince and princess.

You want a world handed to you on a silver platter? Well, sure! Just let me keep it in this pocket dimension lost in the freezer until it's ready for you.

As his name implies, Shining's best tool is his defense. While he can levitate objects and shoot bolts with his magic, his strongest spell is the magic barrier, which can be spread wide enough to defend an entire city for multiple days on end... or small and dense enough to protect himself.

Insert condom joke here. Heh heh.

His strength does not solely rest in his magic. When push comes to shove, he can pick up a pony roughly as big as him and toss them with velocity to spare.

Strength is nice, but d**n does it get thrown to the side when the plot demands it. Seriously, his most common enemies are the premiere and finale villains who aren't particularly known to be fair fighters.

Regardless of bad writing, you can count on Shining Armor to do everything he can for Cadance and Twilight Sparkle.

"Hey, you're my little sister. Of course you're important to me."

---Death Battle---

Gaara
-Shinobi
-Introduced as being from the Village Hidden in the Sand
-Currently the Kazekage
-Specializes in controlling sand: Sand Coffin, Sand Burial, Sand Tsunami, Sand Shuriken
-Can make sand lighter than air, or stronger than steel, and can alter its shape into many different weapons and waves
-The sand in his gourd carries his mother's breath, and is also mixed with his father's gold dust
-Can send sand into an enemy's bloodstream and control their body
-Sand Armor requires immense amounts of Chakra to maintain

"I have to use the sand to defend."

Gaara of the Desert started out as an extremely small child, born as the son to the Kazekage of the Village Hidden in the Sand.

And his father was kind of a dick! He thought it would be a great idea to seal a tanuki monster into his son's belly and make sure he never understood love and care.

Shukaku the One-Tail absolutely loathes humanity who would bury it all under the desert's sand if given the chance. Since the villagers feared losing their lives, Gaara was mostly left by his lonesome, thinking that he had to hate the world as it hated him.

But on the plus side, he could manipulate sand in all sorts of ways with his mind. He can use it to trap and crush foes, forge it into all sorts of weaponry, fly, create clones that look like him, and defend against all manner of attacks.

However, that sand is not a foolproof defense. Opponents that utilize fast Teijutsu have managed to outmaneuver his sand before, and force him to rely on his sand armor. While difficult to penetrate, the sand armor requires immense amounts of Chakra to maintain, moreso than his other sand which protects him through his mother's will.

One time, Gaara fought against his zombie of a father who was using gold dust in the same way he used sand. After sealing him away, he added his father's gold dust to his gourd of sand, giving him extra control over its density. Oh, and that was after Shukaku was forcibly ripped out of his body!

That was actually a mixed blessing. Despite not having another presence to take over if he falls unconscious, his control over sand is just as precise as before. On top of that, he started understanding compassion and friendship, thanks to Naruto who had gone through a very similar life experience. His people rallied and supported him, and he rose up to become Kazekage.

Few can stand against this Green Day wannabe and live.

"I was his enemy, yet he wept for me! I hurt him, yet he called me his friend! He saved me!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

There is very little way to properly introduce a meeting between these two characters. That is why we are in a replica Canterlot. That is also why the virtual cutouts of these combatants are being placed on top of a random building in this city. The unicorn adjusts his armor while the red-head crosses his arms.

"Must this all end in violence?" asks the man rhetorically.

"You know it does," says the stallion.

"FIGHT!"

Without even moving, Gaara wills a few clusters of his sand to rush at the opponent. Shining Armor hops over to the next rooftop and alights his horn. The magenta glow conjures a transparent shield large enough to comfortably contain the stallion. The clouds of dirt bounce off this shield. Gaara hums in thought while calling back his sand.

The stallion aims his horn and fires a magic beam. Gaara disappears in a blur before appearing on another rooftop. He dodges the next blast of magic in the same way. His pace is faster than Shining Armor can keep up. When Gaara forms a large quantity of sand and tosses it like a javelin, the pony's shield is up and deflects the weapon into the fine powder that it is composed of.

The ninja alternates between slapping his palms against each other and holding his arms up over his head. Wave after wave of sand rushes around the air. They all collide and barely cause the barrier to ripple. The stallion briefly lowers his shield only after he's sure that his opponent is taking a rest.

Shining Armor takes a couple shots with his magic before setting up his shield again. Gaara shuffles his hands around into various hand signs. A bunch more sand shuriken rise up and slam against the shield. The pony waits and holds on until he can get another chance to strike. There seems to be an elongated focus on Shining Armor's next breath of air.

Suddenly, a flash of light pierces a darkened background, like a spark effect. Shining Armor's eyes open wide. His teeth show in a horrified feeling. His legs shake around. Eventually, his whole body starts flipping about and floating upside-down.

"What's going on?!" he shouts.

"So, it did work." Gaara is slowly twitching the fingers on one hand around. "I was wondering how you could manage to hold a solid barrier up without suffocating yourself. Then, it occurred to me that your particular technique might be capable of blocking out enemies and weapons, yet still allow air to pass."

"But... you don't have... wind spells..." The unicorn trembles as he hyperventilates.

"Perhaps not directly, but I have something that I can make lighter than the air itself." The Kazekage's eyes stare unflinchingly. A clump of sand near his head slowly whittles down into very fine grains, almost impossible to track by anyone else. "Once you breathed in enough of the dust, it was only a matter of willing the sand to penetrate your veins."

The magenta shield fizzles out as Shining Armor keeps struggling fruitlessly. Still, he furrows his brow one more time. With a grunt of effort, he fires a magic beam at his standing opponent. Gaara grunts as a squirt of blood leaks over the neck area of his sand armor.

"It's time to end this," declares the ninja. He clenches his twiddling fingers into a fist. "Sand Coffin!"

A large amount of sand bursts out of the ground. It quickly swirls around and conceals the stallion from view.

Gaara swings his arm out in front of himself. "Sand Burial!"

The coffin of sand caves in on itself. There's a horrifying scream as blood rushes out of the containment in all directions. Slowly, Gaara turns around as some of the sand nearby rushes back into his gourd.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

If there was any doubt that this guy was a bad*ss before, please kindly shoot that doubt in the face.

Both of these combatants had well-placed measures for defense. However, Gaara's particular options for offense were simply more versatile and diverse than Shining Armor's.

Seriously, when all you've got is a beam and the ability to throw objects, your enemies tend to see that coming.

Shining Armor's shield may be able to block several large solid objects simultaneously, and could potentially break a sword, but its main vulnerability is that it allows passage for people and objects that it deems harmless. A breath of fresh air definitely fits in the latter category.

All Gaara had to do was send in sand that was spread out enough to be lighter than air. Once enough is in, he could easily adjust its density yet again. Hell, he didn't even need to control Shining Armor's blood. He probably could have just crushed the pony right on the spot.

But where's the fun in an instant death without a little suspense?

Shining Armor needed a good dusting off.

The winner is Gaara.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"You know... I don't have to be the first one to check it out. I'm sure someone else heard that explosion, right?"

"Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!"

"Oh, this isn't fair!"
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Author's Note:

See? All he needs is a non-earthbending opponent and Gaara's in business.

Comments

[whiteoak019]

Abridged Yamcha vs Pinkie Clones?

[Dirty Bit]

6298246 this is Death Battle, not Death Slaughter

[leslie2000]

Alexandrite (from steven universe) vs tirek

[Darth Pestilence]

Red, muscular guys. (Round 2)

Joker (Batman endgame) vs. Pinkamena