The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Kazeshini

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

It seems I haven’t filled my “use each of the main six at least once per season” quota. I will now remedy that problem.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Namco (Project Soul).
Slight spoiler alert regarding certain Soul Calibur games.
---

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(12)

Hah, you thought we weren’t doing any more fights with canon characters? Well, you thought wrong. Let me just grab my shotgun and magic wand for the occasion.

Video games and television programs alike have pumped out characters that can pull at their audience’s heart strings.

The events tug even harder when the characters are cute.

Today we’ll pit the G4 Pegasus pony Fluttershy against the honorable Talim from the Soul Calibur series.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Fluttershy
-Pegasus pony
-Bearer of the Element of Kindness
-Naturally reserved and quiet
-Can fight and fly much faster than normal when emotionally pressured
-Has the “Stare”
-Can counter the master of chaos’s words without even trying
-Is afraid of everything, including her own shadow

Meet Kirby’s nightmare from outside Dreamland.

At a young age, Fluttershy was literally saved by a swarm of butterflies. After discovering a talent for animal communication, she eventually settled in Ponyville as a sort of caretaker.

Don’t let her Element of Kindness fool you. She can be a real b**** when she wants to be.

True, Fluttershy has accomplished some unusual achievements for such a little pony. She has stood up to a dragon and cockatrice with nothing but her words and her “Stare”. She has reached acceleration much faster than Rainbow Dash’s average. She has even overcome a battle of wits with Discord… twice!

“I mean, that they’re always pointing out your flaws, right?”

“Not really. In fact, I’m awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be.”

“Because we’re friends. I’m free forever!”

“Not. Your. Friend!”

Don’t forget the time she snapped a bear’s neck with nothing but her hooves. She can even exploit loopholes in the satisfaction guarantees of certain assertiveness trainers.

Despite this impressive line of accomplishments, there are some flaws that greatly act against her. Fluttershy is naturally reserved in situations that require her to speak out. She is also a weak flier when her emotions are more stable. Additionally, she’s constantly battling her own life phobias.

“Oh, this is me being brave! I want to be brave at home, locked in my closet, with my teddy bear!”

Yeah, having “shy” in your name in a land where names directly relate to you in some way kind of makes normal life difficult. Final word of advice: don’t threaten her animals. Seriously, don’t.

“Anything happens to them, Twilight, so help me...”

---Death Battle---

Talim
-Born June 15, 1576
-Height: 4’8”; Weight: 93 lbs. (42 kg)
-Fighting style: Wind Dance
-Weapons: Dual tonfa-like blades named Syi Salika and Loka Luha (Teaching Flute and Wild Tears)
-Can use her control of wind to hop over and around her opponent
-Purified Necrid and resurrected Algol’s son Arcturus
-Meek, innocent, self-doubting, and merciful toward her defeated enemies

Talim hails from the Village of the Wind Deity in Southeast Asia. She is the “Last Priestess of the Winds”.

I smell a fart pun just waiting to happen.

Talim follows the guidance of the wind in life. She aimed to return all the fragments of an evil energy to their rightful places in order to prevent the world from falling to the evils of illness and death. Eventually, she learned that these fragments were shards of the legendary Soul Edge and tried her utmost to dissuade passersby from seeking the sword.

Said passersby carelessly ignored the girls’ crazy words.

After purging the evil within an ill boy’s body, she headed west due to a vision regarding Soul Calibur, the blade with an opposing force to Soul Edge.

Along her journey, she has purified Necrid from his suffering and resurrected the son of Algol. She’s kind of like the Grim Reaper on opposite day.

True to her title, “The Last Priestess of the Winds” utilizes the winds both as her guide and as her ally in battle. She relies on quick random strikes and can use the wind to jump over her foes.

She wields dual elbow blades named Syi Salika and Loka Luha, which complement her acrobatic Filipino art of excrement.

Escrima.

You say “tomato”…

Talim’s speed in battle does have a drawback. Most of her attacks don’t deal a whole lot of damage and tend to leave her wide open for interruptions and counter attacks.

Plus, it doesn’t always help that she shows mercy to the enemies that she’s beaten and the fact that she has some serious low self-esteem issues.

But don’t underestimate her. Enemies that aren’t prepared for her fighting style will quickly find themselves on the receiving end of very quick, annoying strikes.

“I will follow the wind, wherever it may go.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

The chosen fighters are literally dropped onto an open-space arena. While they each have misgivings about their circumstance, they still stand. The Pegasus pony and the young girl give a quick mutter to themselves.

“Oh my goodness. What have I gotten myself into?” Fluttershy lets out a whimper that curiously sounds like she’s saying her own name.

“Calm down, Talim. Believe in yourself.” Talim readies her tonfa-blades.

“FIGHT!”

Talim charges in quickly. She jumps and a gust of rushing wind flows underneath her heels. She lands behind her opponent and proceeds to quickly strike with some high kicks and blade flips.

… only to realize that she is attacking nothing but air. A question mark briefly appears over her head as she looks around. Eventually, she finds the enemy much lower.

Fluttershy lies flat on the ground with her wings folded, her hooves and mane covering her eyes, and a nervous trembling vibrating her whole body.

“Are you… okay?” asks Talim.

“Please don’t hurt me,” Fluttershy whimpers. She chances a peek before quickly covering her eye again.

“You don’t wish to fight,” Talim states in realization.

Fluttershy mumbles something in the negative regarding a fight. There is a whistling of wind that catches her mane slightly.

Talim puts her defensive weapons away and extends an open hand.

“Then I shall not strike either,” she states with sincerity.

Fluttershy makes a confused whimper as she looks at the extended hand. Tentatively, she reaches forth a hoof. Slowly, Talim helps her to stand on her own. Fluttershy opens her eyes, though her mane still blocks the view of one of them.

“W-Why did you stop attacking?” she asks.

“The Wind frowns upon senseless violence,” Talim explains, “It was difficult to hear because of a potential obstacle. However, it speaks to me much more clearly now.”

As if to provide a visual aid, another breeze flows through the scene. Following that, a stray squirrel skitters up, chattering all the way.

“Oh.” Fluttershy turns to the squirrel. “Hello, little guy.”

If possible, the squirrel’s chitter actually sounds happier at the greeting.

“You are also one with nature,” Talim admires.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” blushes Fluttershy, “I’m just really good with animals.”

“You have a good heart.” Talim smiles as she turns to walk away. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

“Where are you going?” asks Fluttershy.

“Wherever the Wind guides me!” Talim calls back.

“Alert! A friendship has been detected!”

---Death Battle---

I really should have seen that coming.

Neither Fluttershy nor Talim are big fans of attacking others without reason. Not to mention, neither of them has anything that can truly finish off an enemy for good. Fluttershy’s neck snapping is actually just the fourth step in her bear massaging. Plus, the tonfa weapons were meant for use by the villagers that couldn’t afford steel weapons. They were made for defense, not for offense.

But why did the Escrima kung fu have to end so soon?

Would you say that the result of this match really blows?

Too soon, W! Too soon!

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

Back by popular one demand…

He’s mean.

He’s green.

And he’s angrier than ever.

…

“Hello, every pony. Did I miss anything?”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note:

Next time I can safely promise that bones will be broken.
For now, however, there is nothing but relax-o-vision.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

That's not good...By that, I meant the preview...Shit is about to go down

[Cobra 1]

3146044
But you forget Tails is as fast if not faster than Sonic when flying. He has beaten Sonic in a race before.

[leaderofstars]

did i hear hulk fight is a comin'?
let the beating begin.

[Zephyr_Skystorm]

3146816
Actually Tails is faster and Mario is even faster than either in game plus Sonic never travels faster than sound just speeds near sound Rainbow on the other hand can in fact move at 57+ mach as proven by her cone at the wedding which should cause her to burst into flames, but she has some effect on her similar to Flash. (Just to mention this Flash can move WAY over 10000 times the speed of light so nobody has anything on his speed teleportation doesn't count and he probably could still be there first.)

[Cobra 1]

3147713
THE MACH CONE FORMS AT SPEEDS APPROACHING MACH 1, MACH 57 MY ASS

[Zephyr_Skystorm]

3147731
You can judge the speed by the angle of the cone which in this instance was flat even fully zoomed on 1080p which means at the very LEAST 57 mach. (I know crap physics applied to a cartoon, but we do it to every thing else so why not)

[Karsap]

Rainbow Fliers: Rainbow Dash Vs. Ho-oh

[Saltyoven]

3146816 Dr. Eggman is actually faster than sonic in games too